31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux
by Starway Man
Summary: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series, COMPLETE
1. Just Another Bug Hunt

**Date written**: Thu 1 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http:// www . fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 1: Just Another Bug Hunt

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

During the middle of the 20th century, Halloween – or All Hallows' Eve as it is otherwise known – became a very popular holiday in many parts of the world. Its roots lay in ancient British autumn festivals for warding off evil spirits and celebrating the harvest, including the festival known as Samhain. Today, Halloween was celebrated every year on October 31st. In the U.S., it's a night for children to dress up in costumes, often as ghosts or witches, and go from door to door asking for sweets or candy.

But as far as Alexander 'Xander' Harris, Slayerette and Sunnydale High junior year student was concerned, the whole 'dressing up in costumes' thing totally sucked.

( _Stupid Principal Snyder just HAD to insist on costumes for kiddie escort duty tomorrow night_, ) the boy thought resentfully to himself, as his female friends Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers started to gush over a red noblewoman outfit in another corner of the store. ( _Man, I just can't seem to catch a break. Three guesses who the Buffster is gonna wear that for, and the first two don't count..._ )

Xander was, of course, thinking of the one and only vampire with a soul, the creature known as Angel. He was a rival for Buffy's affections and, therefore, someone who the male teenager didn't exactly like much. Even if privately, Harris had to admit that, at times, Dead Boy was useful to have around. Like whenever there was a potential apocalypse happening. ( _What's the plural of that, anyway? Apocalypses? Apocalyptii?_ )

Xander shook his head at his own thoughts and went to get what he'd come here for, but the wool-gathering had cost him dearly; a seven-year-old boy gotten the last toy rifle out of the discount bin whilst he'd been thinking to himself. Xander looked inside, and saw that the only thing left was a funny-looking weapon that didn't appear to go with his army surplus fatigues at all.

( _Oh, what the hell._ ) He grabbed it anyway, and went up to the front counter to talk to the proprietor of the shop. "Uh, 'scuse me? I was just wondering what kinda gun this is, exactly. 'Cause, see, I'm planning to dress up as G.I. Joe tomorrow night."

Ethan Rayne, for that was the Englishman's name, frowned as he spied the weapon. "Just a moment, let me consult my notes..." He reached under the counter and pulled out a sheaf of papers, continuing to frown as he read them. Ethan looked up to Xander again and said, "I don't have much on that particular gun, I'm afraid; apparently, it's a copy of a movie prop from some film or another that came out about ten or eleven years ago." Ethan looked Xander right in the eye, "I'll let you have it for two dollars."

"Deal!" Xander said immediately, as he handed over his money. It was either this or detention at Sunnydale High School until Christmas, after all.

As Xander started to make his way out of the store with Willow and Buffy, who had bought a ghost costume and the noblewoman outfit respectively, Ethan tried to recall more about the toy weapon – and the movie from which it was derived – which the young punk had just purchased. After all, the British man had cursed everything in his store so that his customers would become whoever and whatever they dressed up as tomorrow night; and he didn't want his own safety compromised after all the 'fun' started.

But try as he might, Ethan simply couldn't remember anything more about the movie in question. ( _Well, never mind. That's the good thing about chaos; it's rather like a box of chocolates. You simply never know what you're going to get! _)

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California **

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Corporal Dwayne Hicks, a Colonial Marine who had been sent to the planet LV-426 a.k.a. Acheron to find out why contact with that colony world had been lost, had utterly no idea what was going on as he straightened up – only to see complete chaos erupting all around him.

The soldier already knew that something about this situation wasn't right, since he had been severely injured by one of the xenomorph aliens on Acheron whilst he and Ellen Ripley had been in an elevator heading for their drop ship. Hicks had shoved his pump-action shotgun into the alien's mouth and blown the creature's head apart, but the damn thing's acid blood had splattered all over him and put him down for the count. Dwayne had a vague, agony-filled memory of Ripley dragging him out of the complex and Bishop, the Company's faithful human-looking android, attempting to keep him alive long enough to be put into stasis; but after that, there had been nothing.

At least until now, that is.

"What the hell?" Hicks muttered, glancing at his uninjured body. He then noticed that it wasn't HIS body. For starters, it looked a hell of a lot younger; not to mention he was also out of uniform, since he was wearing some kind of ill-fitting olive-green material completely different from the uniform he'd previously been wearing. "What's going on here?"

Just then, a red-haired female teenager came running towards him. "Xander! Xander!"

Hicks quickly swung his standard-issue weapon around to cover her, which was now a real version of the toy Ethan had sold Xander yesterday. ( _Goddamn, where did she come from?_ ) "That's close enough! One more step and I open fire!" Dwayne barked out, falling back on SOP 'til he knew what was going on – or a Marine Corps superior showed up to tell him what to do.

Willow skidded to a halt, a look of confusion and disbelief on her face. "Xander, what are you doing?!"

"Lady, you got me confused with someone else, 'cause my name ain't Xander. It's Dwayne Hicks – make that Corporal Dwayne Hicks, Colonial Marine Corps." He briefly looked around, "Now where the fuck am I?"

Willow looked scandalized at his use of the f-word, before realization set in. "Corporal Hicks? As in, Hicks from the "Aliens" movie? Oh my God! You've been possessed by your costume, just like everyone else!"

"Huh?"

Just then, a loud female scream was heard from not far away. "BUFFY!" Willow shouted, before racing off towards the source of the screaming. Deciding to play a hunch, Hicks took off after her.

They soon came across a black-haired woman dressed like nothing Dwayne had ever seen before, well – outside of an ancient history hologram, maybe. The dress was centuries out of date, and the Marine saw that the woman was screaming at the sight of a couple of monsters across the street. ( _Not good. Not good!_ )

"This could be a situation," Dwayne muttered to himself, as he raised his futuristic rifle.

"Buffy, what do we do?" Willow instinctively turned to her best friend, the nominal leader of the trio who traditionally took charge at times like this. Unfortunately, the noblewoman simply fainted, leaving Hicks and Willow to fend for themselves.

The Marine calmly started shooting at the monsters. He didn't aim to kill, just to scare them off as they had made no overtly threatening moves so far; and until he knew more about what was going on, it was better to err on the side of caution.

"No, wait! No guns! There are a couple of little kids in there!" Willow ordered Hicks with the firmest tone she could manage, as the monsters ran off.

The Marine paid no attention to her, until the redhead got right in front of him. Impatiently, Hicks went to shove her out of the way, but his hand just passed straight through her ghostly form. The corporal drew back, surprised. "What the hell? What are you, a hologram? That's it. What's going on here?!"

"Xa- I mean, Corporal Hicks, please listen to me. I'm on your side, I swear! Look, something crazy is happening. I was dressed as a ghost for Halloween, a-and now I am a ghost-"

"Lady, there's no such thing as ghosts," Hicks interrupted, continuing to scan the area just in case the monsters came back.

"Never mind that right now!" Willow scolded him. "Anyway, you were supposed to be a soldier, and I, I-I guess now you're a real soldier...?" Willow trailed off hopelessly, seeing the doubt on Dwayne's face. "A Colonial Marine, y'know, from that movie?"

"Movie? What are you talking about?" Hicks didn't know where this conversation was going, exactly, but nothing he'd heard so far had reassured him in any way.

"Aliens. It was a great motion picture in its day," Willow supplied helplessly. "Uh, Xander, if you're really Corporal Hicks now...what do you remember? Like, like, do you remember that part of the film where the aliens were blown up after everyone left the planet for the Sulaco, and then Ripley blew the Alien Queen out of the airlock? No, no, you wouldn't remember that, because you were unconscious by then...oh, wait, in the end you were placed in stasis, along with Bishop, Ripley and that little girl Newt as the ship headed back to Earth..." Willow babbled.

Dwayne Hicks, normally composed and as cool as a cucumber even under the most hellish of combat conditions, just gaped as the hologram or whatever she was finished up, "...before you were killed at the start of the next movie, when everyone crashed on that prison planet Fury-something and you were impaled by your own flight harness within the sleep capsule."

"Uh-huh. And I'm supposed to believe that?" Hicks shook his head, wondering how on earth Willow had come up with such a fantastic tale. "Man, I gotta be having one wacky dream from all the drugs Bishop must have pumped into me..."

"This isn't a dream! Look!" Willow gestured at a passing car. "The year is actually 1997, and everything you think is real – it isn't! Now please, you gotta help Buffy," Willow gestured to the unconscious Slayer helplessly. "I can't do it, 'cause I can't touch anything! Help me take her home? Please?"

Not knowing what else to do Dwayne simply shrugged, slung the unconscious noblewoman over one shoulder while keeping hold of his rifle and began following the redheaded hologram to a place of relative safety.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**Not long afterwards**

Dwayne Hicks really wished he was just about anywhere other than here right now – well, with the possible exception of LV-426, of course.

After arriving with the Sleeping Beauty and the working girl hologram at an antiquated-looking residence straight out of the history vids, Hicks had started to wonder whether he actually was dreaming or not. After all, he had seen his own reflection in the mirror, and it was not the same face he habitually saw every day. And a photograph in the house of the body he was currently occupying, posing alongside the two femmes he was with right now, had only confirmed that something really weird was going.

There had been too many close calls with too many rampaging monsters on the way to this place as well. ( _Okay, just keep it together Marine. You're all strung out, and with good reason. But you gotta stay frosty, and alert. The civilian is counting on you, and you can't afford to let one of the things outside get in here!_ )

All of a sudden, he heard female screaming outside the front door of what the hologram had called 'Buffy's house'. Hicks went to look out the window and cursed, "Shit! I'll be right back!" He opened the door and ran out to rescue the newest civilian to enter his life, reflexively pulling the door closed behind him.

The scared noblewoman possessing Buffy, who had woken up again by this time, ran over to Willow and said, "Surely he'll not desert us!?"

Willow, who was starting to grow tired of the noblewoman's annoying habit of wanting the big strong man to defend her virtue, just shook her head. "Whatever..."

Hicks soon arrived back inside with the brunette teenager named Cordelia Chase – a cheerleader, a fashion queen, a spoiled rich girl with deeply hidden layers, and a fellow classmate from Sunnydale High who'd dressed up tonight as a leopard-like cat. She did not appear to be in a happy mood, and that was putting it mildly.

"Let go of me, dweeb!" Cordy hissed at Hicks, who was man-handling her not too gently.

"The name's Dwayne," Hicks replied coolly, before letting her go and checking the window again. "Dwayne Hicks."

"What? Wait a...what's going on?" Cordelia demanded, looking around at the Library Loser Crowd as she called them in private.

"Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of," Willow qualified that last one rather awkwardly.

That just earned the redhead a haughty stare. "That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?" the buxom brunette demanded.

Willow didn't get it. "You know us?"

Cordelia looked annoyed as she replied, "Yeah, lucky me! Now what's with the name game?"

Quite frankly, Miss Rosenberg didn't know where to start on answering that one. "Well. Uh, a lot's going on..."

"No kidding!" Miss Chase cut in. "I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Look at my costume!" She showed everyone present her torn costume sleeve. "Do you really think that Partytown's gonna give me my deposit back now? Not on the likely."

Hicks took off his green shirt, and all three girls present got an eyeful of the muscular arms, plus the washboard abs and pecs. The Colonial Marine offered the cheerleader his outerwear, and she accepted with a strained thanks. Her eyes lingered on Xander's body a little too long for just a casual innocent glance, though.

( _Hello, this is not salty goodness. This is Xander Harris, loser extraordinaire! And don't you forget it!_ ) Cordelia chastised herself for the sudden rush of hormones that almost made her go weak at the knees.

"Okay. You guys stay here while I get some help..." Willow started to say.

"Help? Help from who?" Hicks demanded at once, since the hologram hadn't said anything so far about possible reinforcements around here.

"Uh, Giles I guess," Willow replied hesitantly.

"Giles?" Hicks and the noblewoman asked at the same time, before glancing at one another. "Who's Giles?" Dwayne then demanded.

"He's the head geek that you losers hang out with," Cordelia put it in her own special way, frowning over how 'Buffy' and 'Xander' didn't know who the British Watcher was.

"Uh, she means he's the librarian at the high school which we all attend," Willow explained hurriedly. At Cordelia's look she added, "I-it's like amnesia, okay? They don't know who they really are, because they're possessed at the moment. Just sit tight-"

"Wait!" Hicks commanded, freezing Willow in her tracks. "Possessed? What the hell do you mean by 'possessed'? Have we been impregnated by the aliens?"

"WHAT?" Cordelia looked at the person inhabiting Xander's body like he was completely insane. "Have you totally lost it? There's no such thing as aliens, doofus!"

"I already told you, the name's Dwayne," Hicks snapped at her, actually causing Cordy to take a step back. "And girl, you don't know shit about what I've seen and done lately; the goddamn things took out my entire squad within the last twelve hours..."

Without warning Hicks then whirled around in a graceful ballet of movement, somehow unslinging his weapon and taking aim with the barest minimum of fuss and bother.

"Hold it right there!" the Colonial Marine shouted at the black-clad figure of Angel, whose eyes were wide from staring down the barrel of the biggest rifle he'd ever seen close-up. "Now identify yourself, or I will shoot to kill!"

Willow immediately got in front of the vampire, as Cordelia and Lady Buffy backed away in fright. "Put that down! This is Angel. He's a friend, a good guy!" the ghost said.

"Good guys aren't that quiet when they walk into the room," Hicks grated out, his instincts telling him that he was in the presence of a predator, a possible danger to the group. "Now, Angel, or whoever the hell you are, I wanna introduce you to a personal friend of mine. This is my ten millimetre M41A pulse rifle, with over-and-under thirty millimetre pump-action grenade launcher. Start talking and make it good; or quite frankly, I'll blow your goddamn head off."

"Xander?" Angel said uncertainly. The hostile male individual before him was acting nothing like the awkward and insecure teenager the ensouled vampire knew; and Angel got the distinct feeling that his unlife was definitely in danger, that this guy was perfectly willing and capable of 'blowing his head off'. "What happened to you? Why, why are you acting like this?"

"I'm the one asking the questions here," the soldier hissed at him. "And I don't hear the right answers soon, fella, my trigger finger's gonna get a mite itchy."

"Xander, PLEASE! Put the gun down!" Willow shouted, not noticing how Lady Buffy was edging away and heading back towards the kitchen. "I mean it! Put it down right now!"

"Newsflash, hooker hologram, but I don't take orders from you," Hicks told her roughly, shocking the redheaded ghost. "And for the record, I don't know what the hell you think standing in front of that guy is gonna accomplish. The bullets are gonna go straight through you into him, remember?"

"What?" Cordelia demanded, she now had no idea what was going on here – even if privately, she thought that Xander's take-charge no-nonsense attitude looked rather good on him. ( _Okay, where the hell did THAT come from?_ ) the brunette asked herself in shock.

"Cordy, everyone apart from you got turned into their Halloween costumes tonight," Willow glanced at her, reluctantly stepping away from Angel. She briefly stuck her hand through Angel's chest to demonstrate, causing the vampire to leap back with a yelp. "See? I dressed up as a ghost-"

"The ghost of who, exactly? Because I'm pretty sure it wasn't Mother Teresa," Cordelia snorted as she inspected the Halloween outfit, immediately hurting Willow's feelings.

"Hey! You, Buffo or whatever your name is, where do you think you're going?" Dwayne demanded just before the noblewoman could make a break for it.

"I, I, I want to go home!" Lady Buffy cried out, the 18th century noblewoman simply unable to cope anymore with the stressful events of tonight. Her rather limited mental capacity made her plead, "Please, just let me go home?"

"Buffy, you ARE home!" Willow said with minor exasperation. She then turned to Angel, whom Hicks was still covering with his pulse rifle. "Just keep an eye on Xander and Buffy, okay Angel? I'm gonna go find Giles, and hopefully we can put a stop to all this."

So saying, the female ghost quickly vanished through a wall of the house. Naturally, the noblewoman fainted all over again upon seeing the redhead's exit.

Angel picked her up in his arms and said to Hicks, "I'm taking Buffy up to her bedroom. You can always shoot me after I come back, okay?"

"I'll think about it," the Colonial Marine replied truthfully, as the vampire took the Slayer upstairs. His aim never wavered until Angel and Buffy disappeared from view. Hicks then noticed Cordelia staring at him. "What?"

"Xander, you really aren't acting like yourself tonight," Miss Chase shook her head. "I mean, no offense..."

"Very little taken. Because for the third and last time, my name is Corporal Dwayne Hicks, Colonial Marine Corps," the soldier growled at her. For some reason this girl was really getting under his skin – unlike anyone else he had ever met in his entire life. "Are we clear on that? I mean, what's it gonna take for that particular information to finally percolate through into your skull?"

"Well, of all the nerve, Mr. Bitch!!" Cordelia growled back at him. "I take it back – apart from the Rambo 'tude, you obviously haven't changed much at all!"

Hicks was actually tempted to shoot her, when his sharp hearing caught a slight noise within the kitchen. Whirling around with that same graceful coordination Xander Harris could never hope to attain, the Marine ran into the dining area, where he saw a male vampire in full game face.

Hicks never hesitated, and began firing his rifle and spraying his target with a rain of hot lead. The hail of bullets didn't kill the bloodsucker, but the pain from the shock and blood loss effectively incapacitated the soulless demon until Angel came down to investigate and put the creature out of its misery with his stake.

"Aim for the head or the heart next time, destroying either of them is the only way to kill a vampire. Well...apart from sunlight, fire or holy water," Angel told the soldier, who just silently raised an eyebrow at him.

"Vampire?" Hicks asked neutrally.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Here we go..."

***

**Somewhere on Hadley Street, Sunnydale, California**

**November 13****th****, 1997**

Two weeks may not seem like a long time to most people. But to teenagers, who frequently find themselves completely unable to remember anything that happened during the previous week, fourteen days can often be the equivalent of almost half a lifetime.

As Cordelia drove along the streets heading for Buffy's house, she couldn't help thinking back upon the last couple of weeks and all the changes that had been wrought ever since All Hallows' Eve. She ticked off a mental list – Angel had been revealed to be a vampire; Willow had bumped into things on occasion, forgetting that she couldn't simply pass right through them; Buffy's marks in French had rapidly gone up; and Xander...

Oh boy, Xander Harris had gone through the biggest changes of all.

His posture, his walk, his whole attitude in general had undergone a complete and radical transformation. Cordelia was built to notice these things, and unlike just about everyone else present, Miss Chase knew that the high school slacker and class clown she'd known was now gone. Instead, there was a Colonial Marine just waiting to be shaped into a pure fighting machine.

As the car sped along and she turned off into Revello Drive, Cordelia admitted something else to herself. Until today had proven otherwise, she hadn't believed that Xander Harris could actually remain still for any length of time. Miss Chase knew that her old kindergarten nemesis had been the kind of person who preferred to pace around than to remain stationary, and when forced to do the latter, he would fidget the entire time, his hyperactive personality forcing him to try and move any way he could.

And yet now, here he was, sitting perfectly calm and totally relaxed in the passenger seat beside her. Xander hadn't said a word to her ever since they'd gotten into the car either. Oddly enough, Miss Chase missed the insults he used to throw at her on a daily basis. Sparring with Xander had apparently become an important part of her life, so much so that Cordy actually felt neglected when he ignored her. That in itself was a very disturbing revelation, too, at least in the cheerleader's mind.

As the car came to a halt outside 1630 Revello Drive, Cordelia knew the time for silence was over. "Well, here we are. You know, I still find it hard to believe that you dragged me out of bed this early in the morning just to give you a ride. What am I, mass transportation?"

"No, because you're not built like the APCs I remember. If anything, you're built like a brick outhouse," Xander said absently, as the two teens got out of the vehicle and Xander adjusted something within the interior of his coat.

( _Brick outhouse?_ ) Cordy wasn't sure if that was an insult or not, which by definition annoyed her. "So what are we doing here, anyway?"

"I'm looking for a member of my squad," the former soldier said in that same absent tone of voice that was beginning to infuriate the Chase girl, since she hated it whenever someone didn't pay full attention to her. "Something I'm sure doesn't mean all that much to you, but there you go."

"Hey! I have friends, close friends, so where do you get off saying something like that?" Cordelia ranted on instinct.

"Friends? Who? Your Cordettes? Yeah right, Cordelia. Every single one of those 'friends' would stab you in the back for the price of a manicure, if that," Xander snorted, as he started to break into the Summers house via the same window he had constantly looked out of during Halloween. "And I know, because I can remember what it's like having a big group of people I could rely on whenever things got hairy. Hicks knew how to pick 'em right – he didn't get to be a corporal in the Colonial Marines for nothing, you know."

As Xander climbed in through the opened window, Cordelia reflected on her classmate's words and reluctantly came to the conclusion that he definitely had a point about one thing. Her social circle would indeed turn on her the moment they sensed any weakness within the leader of the pack. "So you still remember all that, huh?"

"Yeah..." Xander briefly disappeared from view, until the door opened to let her in. "That I do."

"I should have known. And I guess that's why your career test results said 'army officer' yesterday, right?" the young woman asked thoughtfully.

"Marine officer, hopefully," Xander replied. He stopped and faced her. "Look, don't tell anyone yet, especially not Buffy and Willow. But I intend to enlist after high school's over. Hopefully, my grades and letters of recommendation will be good enough to get into Quantico OCS; but if not, I figure I can always be a non-com and eventually work my way back up to corporal or even sergeant."

As Xander walked away in search of Buffy, who had disappeared the previous night after assassins from the Order of Taraka had come to town, Cordelia frowned. She didn't know why Xander had decided to confide in her of all people, and she also didn't know why the thought of him leaving Sunnydale and joining the military just seemed...wrong, somehow.

Unfortunately Miss Chase did not have any more time to contemplate that, as there was a knock at the front door and she answered it. Standing at the threshold was a nerdy-looking man holding up a carry-case. "Hi. Can I help you?"

"Good day, I'm Norman Pfister with Blush Beautiful Skin Care and Cosmetics. I was wondering if I might interest you in some free samples?" the salesman said.

"Free?" Cordelia said with a greedy smile, stepping back and allowing Norman – who was actually an undercover assassin for the Order – to enter the house. After she closed the door, Norman opened up the case and Cordy started looking through it with a hungry and professional eye.

"Do you have anything in raisin? I know you wouldn't think so, but I'm both a winter and a summer!" she informed him as she evaluated the products in the case.

"It's nine ninety-nine, tax included," Norman replied vaguely.

"I thought you said it was free!? Ugh, never mind. Do you have anything in the berry family?" Cordelia sighed as she pushed the case aside.

"Are there any more ladies in the house?" Norman asked, looking around.

"Oh, no, they're not home. Y'know, nothing personal? But maybe you should look into selling dictionaries, or something even less complicated," Cordelia said, figuring this guy was almost certainly doomed in the travelling salesman business.

"Cordelia? Who is this?" Xander's voice distracted the young woman for a moment. Then both of them saw a mealworm crawl across Norman's cheek and into his right ear. The former Marine instantly yanked out the sawn-off shotgun hidden inside his jacket – which he'd stolen from his Uncle Rory's gun cabinet and then modified to its current illegal status – before Xander shoved Cordelia behind him and yelled, "Run!"

Miss Chase obeyed, but she couldn't run fast enough to avoid hearing the deafening roar of the twelve-gauge as the shotgun spat out its bullet. As she headed for the kitchen and the back entrance out of the house, Cordelia heard Xander work the slide action and fire again, the noise once more deafening the young woman as she burst out of the house.

As she ran around the house and towards the front where her car was parked, Cordelia wasn't sure what to do. Every instinct was screaming at her to get behind the BMW's steering wheel and drive off as fast as she could, but...but that would mean completely abandoning Xander to the demon bug man. Could she do that? WOULD she do that?

Luckily, Fate decreed that she wouldn't have to be put into that position. As the Chase girl started the car, Harris came out of the front door frantically trying to brush a number of worms off of himself. Cordelia had been half-expecting Xander to burst through one of the windows or something, but since this wasn't the movies, the young man had elected to go with the less dramatic and more effective route of egress after emptying the shotgun directly into Norman's face.

Leaving her car to idle, Cordy grabbed the garden house and frantically sprayed Xander with water to get all the mealworms off. Although cringing at the thought of the red leather interior getting water on it, Miss Chase nonetheless didn't object when a soaked and bedraggled Xander leapt into the car and the vehicle roared off down the street.

"Just great, another frickin' bug hunt..." Xander muttered to himself as the BMW swerved left and Cordelia drove for the school as fast as she could.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 14****th****, 1997**

Things had finally gone back to normal; well, as normal as Sunnydale got anyway.

Angel had been saved from ending up dust thanks to his grandchilde Spike, and Buffy was finally free of the Order's hit team after Norman had been killed and his two fellow assassins had been neutralized as well. There was only the mopping-up left to do; which, in the case of Xander dripping water all over Cordelia's car, was unfortunately necessary in the literal sense.

"Ugh," Cordelia groaned to herself, as she inspected the damage. ( _Double ugh, this is hopeless. I'm gonna have to change cars with my grandma until Daddy gets this thing detailed all over again! _)

"Sorry your car got all messed up on my account," Xander's voice said from directly behind her, which caused Miss Chase to yelp and bang her head against the dashboard. Luckily, there were no other students around to witness it; it was late enough in the day that her car was the last one in the lot.

"Ow!" she yelped before Cordelia turned around to face her companion. "And hey, if you think that some lame-ass apology like that is gonna be enough to make up for all the inconvenience you've caused me? Then you've got another think coming, mister!"

Much to Cordelia's growing ire, Xander only smirked slightly. "C'mon, Cordelia. If you're gonna be a member of the Scooby Gang from now on, then you gotta be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then."

"Right, 'cause I'm constantly hoping that your little leper colony will be my best friends. Oh, and that my first husband will be a demented chainsaw murderer," Cordelia retorted.

"Well, deep down I always suspected that you were into kinks when it comes to your choices in men. Darryl Epps and those demon-worshipping frat boys do come to mind, y'know," Xander replied, before raising both hands in surrender as he saw the cheerleader about to erupt like Mount Vesuvius. "Okay, no more about that, I promise. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me take care of Norman the bug man yesterday, and I'm sure your noble sacrifice of a pot of glue and a decent pair of shoes will also be recorded for posterity within the Watcher diaries."

"And so they should be!" Cordelia nodded, choosing to ignore the semi-sarcasm.

"Right." Xander began to turn away.

"Xander, wait. I – I have to tell you something," Cordelia said, suddenly hesitant. "What you said yesterday outside Buffy's house, that stuff about having someone to watch your back in a fight? Just for the record, I don't think I qualify."

"Why not?" the young man asked curiously.

"If you hadn't come out of the house when you did, I'm pretty sure I would have driven off and just left you there," Miss Chase confessed, feeling simultaneously ashamed and pissed at herself for admitting to such a low emotion. "I would have hated myself afterwards, but I was so scared...and when I saw you covered with all those worms..."

"Well, here's the thing. You could have left at that point, but you didn't," Xander shrugged slightly. "Lots of people would have, you know. Of course, if you're gonna be a member of my squad, then that's gonna have to change. I mean if I'm gonna be willing to die for you, then you're gonna have to be willing to die for me as well."

"What? What are you talking about?" Cordelia demanded, getting behind the wheel as she gestured to Xander to get in as well.

Harris buckled up as he said, "We've still got over a year and a half to go before high school's over, Cordelia. So I'm looking to expand the Scooby ranks before we all finally graduate.

"And the first person I'm hoping to recruit and train...is you."

"WHAT?!" the society princess almost shrieked as she slammed down on the brakes, throwing them both towards the dashboard as the car screeched to a halt. "ME? You've got to be kidding. Xander, I thought you hated me as much as I hated you!"

"Past tense, see – that's quite the giveaway," Xander noted, as Cordelia finally started up the car again and drove off the lot. He had no idea where she was headed, and he suspected, neither did the Chase girl herself. "Look, Cordelia, I know you almost as well as I know Willow. We may not be friends, but we've known each other all our lives, and that's how I know that despite appearances – you're smart. You're determined. And you'll conquer your fear soon enough with the right training."

Xander went on, "I won't sugar-coat this for you – I plan to get hold of a lot of advanced weapons and take the fight directly to the vamps, whether Buffy and Giles like that idea or not. Rebuild my M41A pulse rifle, as well as stuff like the M56 smart gun..." He saw the look she shot him and clarified, "I intend to start a war, and you have to decide on your own if you want to be a part of it. The choice is up to you, and Cordy – it'll probably be the hardest decision you ever make in your entire life. But you know what? I made my choice straight after I met Norman yesterday, when I decided which path my life was gonna take. And I don't regret making it, either."

Cordelia's mind was whirling as she started driving down Main Street, as well as starting to contemplate the choices that were now opening up before her.

And somewhere up above in a higher dimension, the entity that would have been called 'Jasmine' wanted to start screaming in rage at how all her scheming and planning had suddenly been neutralized by a Colonial Marine, of all the rotten luck.

***

Next: Story 2 - Ship Ahoy


	2. Ship Ahoy

**Date written**: Fri 2 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http:// www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback so far! Please, keep it coming.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 2: Ship Ahoy

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

As Buffy Summers entered the costume shop, alongside Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris, the blonde vampire Slayer couldn't help but glance at her male friend with a feeling of hopeless despair.

( _Poor Xander,_ ) Buffy thought to herself unhappily, as she watched him start looking for a Halloween costume for the trick o' treating tomorrow night. ( _I guess I really did totally embarrass him this morning, with that thing about threatening to beat up Larry if he didn't get lost. But I couldn't just let that big gorilla tear Xander into little pieces, could I? Oh, Willow was right, boys can be so fragile..._ )

"Hey, Xander. Find anything yet?" the Chosen One came up to her friend, attempting to mend fences the only way she could think of.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harris stopped looking around and turned to face her.

"Well, uh, it's supposed to mean, have you found a Halloween costume yet?" Buffy said with a bit of confusion.

"No. Does that mean you think that you need to beat up the store proprietor for me, so that I can end up looking like a complete sissy man all over again?" Xander replied, his pride and ego still in tatters after Buffy's actions earlier on.

Miss Summers exhaled in exasperation. "Look, Xander, I'm...really sorry about this morning. I promise, from now on? I'll totally let you get beaten to a pulp, if that's the way you want it. Okay?"

"Okay." It was psychologically impossible for Harris to stay mad at the Chosen One for any length of time. Not only was the Slayer his hero, but the boy had been desperately in love with the petite blonde ever since the first moment he had laid eyes on her. It was simply too bad for Xander that Buffy saw him only as a friend, or even worse, as 'one of the girls'. "Okay, y'know, actually? If you hadn't butted in, I think I could've taken him. Larry isn't so tough..."

Xander saw the look his friend was sending him, and so shrugged helplessly. "Okay, so he would have macramé'd my face in the student lounge. But it's the thought that counts!"

"Well, lemme make it up to you. Uh, what do you say we get matching costumes? My treat," Buffy suggested hopefully. She was planning to cement their touching little reconciliation moment by putting her chin on his shoulder and pouting, when Buffy suddenly saw a frilly red 18th century gown and started walking over to it.

"Buffy?" Xander asked in concern, as he followed her and Willow joined them.

"Wow. Look at this," Buffy was almost drooling over the noblewoman dress.

"It's amazing," Miss Rosenberg agreed, as the oestrogen factor in the room climbed significantly.

"Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex," Xander said flippantly, before Willow smacked him. "OW! I was just kidding!"

( _Well, not really,_ ) the boy added in the privacy of his own mind, wondering just when he would ever learn to keep his mouth shut around the ladies. ( _Probably never, that's when._ )

At that moment Ethan Rayne, the owner of the shop and a chaos mage out to have a little 'fun' tomorrow night, noticed Buffy looking at the dress and came over to the trio. "Can I help you?"

"Oh! Hi, we were just admiring the dress, it's..." Buffy trailed off.

"Magnificent, yes," Rayne nodded his head as he took it off the store dummy and held it up against the Slayer's body. "My, meet the hidden princess. I think we've found a match, don't you?"

"Oh, uh, I-I'm sorry. But there's no way I could ever afford this," Buffy said hesitantly, looking around at her friends.

"Stuff and nonsense, my dear. I feel quite moved to make you a deal you can't refuse," Ethan said rather smarmily. "After all, just my opinion – but I think you'd look utterly fantastic in this outfit!"

Buffy smiled dreamily at her reflection in the mirror, before coming back to reality. "Oh, Xander and I were thinking of getting matching costumes! Willow, do you think you'd like to-?"

"Oh no, I've already got my outfit for tomorrow night," the red-haired girl held up a ghost costume. "A time-honoured classic!"

( _Oh, Willow,_ ) Buffy thought in despair. ( _How are you ever gonna get Xander to notice you if you keep hiding like that? That's it, tomorrow night I have to give you a complete makeover!_ ) "Actually, Will-"

"Buffy, wait, I can't let you do this," Xander interrupted. "You can't afford to buy two costumes, and since I've only got two dollars..."

"If for a moment I might interrupt?" Ethan said smoothly. "I believe we can work something out. I happen to have a costume in the back that I wasn't planning to sell today; it's ripped in a few places, you see. But since it goes almost perfectly with the noblewoman outfit, young man, I'm willing to rent it to you for, let's say, two dollars? Plus some good word of mouth publicity on your behalf, of course."

"Wow! Xander, take it!" Willow said excitedly. "This is too good an opportunity to pass up!"

"Hang on a sec, Will. I mean, what kinda costume are we talkin' about here? Because I don't want to look like something out of 'Pride and Prejudice' or whatever," Xander declared passionately.

"No, no, this costume is nothing of the sort," Ethan said in that same smooth tone, even as he snorted in contempt on the inside. "Now, if you'll excuse me for a few moments, I'll be back as soon as I take care of those customers at the counter, and then we can see about turning you into one of my country's most famous naval heroes..."

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California **

**October 31****st****, 1997**

"...for God and my country," Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, 1st Duke of Bronté, KB said. Then he blinked after a terrible rush of dizziness. And then he was rather alarmed; as all around the British navy officer, there was nothing at all familiar.

( _What in God's name?_ ) Admiral Nelson asked himself in disbelief.

Because he was dead, he was sure that he was dead. He had been shot during the Battle of Trafalgar; the bullet had entered his left shoulder, pierced his lung, and come to rest at the base of his spine, shattering his backbone. For hours he had felt himself dying in agony on that terrible October day during the year of our Lord 1805, but now he was here; and the pain was gone. Not only that, but his missing arm and missing eye were somehow returned to him; he felt better than he had for decades.

( _What is this place? It cannot be Heaven, surely – ah, dear Lord, hast thou sent me to Hell for sinning with my beloved Emma?_ ) he wondered to himself.

"Xander! Xander!" Horatio turned to see a red-haired young strumpet running towards him. "Are you okay? Ohmigod, ohmigod, listen, we gotta get off the streets, I think everyone's-"

"Enough, woman!" Admiral Nelson used his sternest command voice, the one that instantly froze unruly midshipmen in their tracks. The British naval hero drew his sword and said, "If you must speak to me, do so slowly and clearly. Now, who is this Xander you speak of? And where am I?" Horatio gestured around at all the chaos taking place, mini-demons were running around chasing the townsfolk everywhere. "Are we in Hell?"

"What? No! Xander, what's wrong with you?" the Willow ghost demanded, transformed as she was by Ethan's chaos magic for tonight. "I mean, what's with the English accent?"

"I am not 'Xander'. My name is Admiral Horatio Nelson, late of HMS _Victory_, and the British Empire," the sailor said in a clipped tone of voice, keeping an eye out for trouble at all times. "Now I repeat, where am I? And who are you?"

Young Miss Rosenberg, a straight A student who also excelled at history, would have fainted if she was still corporeal. As it was, she almost managed to do it anyway.

"Oh my God, you're really him," she whispered in awe at the presence of a living legend. "You turned into your costume, just like me – you, you're really the Hero of Trafalgar!"

"The hero of...? No, never mind," Horatio said hurriedly, still unsure if this was the afterlife or not. "Just tell me, where are we? This place is utterly foreign to my eyes, as are you."

"I'm-I'm Willow Rosenberg, and this is the New World. California, i-if you know where that is; which you probably do," Willow stammered, trying to speak in terms that the 19th century man would understand. But before she could say more, a couple of monsters abruptly noticed the pair standing there on the street, and decided to make a quick meal out of them.

Unfortunately for the newcomers, however, the demons had underestimated Admiral Nelson's skill with a blade. And whilst he was busy defending himself, Willow heard Buffy's voice screaming not far off in the distance. So, with deep reluctance, the ghost girl abandoned her companion to head for the helpless noblewoman.

***

**A dark alley, not far from the Sunnydale docks **

**Less than an hour later**

The possessed Buffy Summers leaned against a crate, sniffling and looking around. She appeared lost and frightened, and with good reason.

The noblewoman persona currently inhabiting the Slayer's body simply couldn't understand what was going on tonight. In her mind, the year was 1775 and not 1997; thus, she was completely unprepared to face the realities of the modern world. Even here on the Hellmouth, where things could hardly be called 'normal', there was nothing her 18th century mentality could find to reassure her that everything would somehow be all right; there was only utter mayhem and pandemonium in all directions.

( _Please, oh Lord,_ ) the noblewoman prayed while catching her breath for a moment, ( _send me a guardian angel to guide me home, and I swear I will repay you with a lifetime of devout and holy works..._ )

But it seemed that God's office was closed tonight, as Buffy's possessed classmate Larry Blaisdell – Xander's attacker who had dressed up as a scurvy pirate, and now WAS one – found her instead. "Pretty, pretty..."

"No! No!" Lady Buffy instantly shrieked. "Stay away from me!"

Pirate Larry gestured to his two minions – fellow pirates whom he had met up with tonight – and said, "Take her to the ship, lads! And be quick about it, you lazy dogs, lest I hang you both from the highest yardarm!"

The two crewmen obeyed orders, and they carried the screaming and struggling noblewoman towards the nearby marina; for the seven seas are the same no matter what the era may be, and the pirates felt a lot more comfortable in somewhat familiar surroundings. As they got to their destination, though, a British voice rang out, "Hold, you so-called gentlemen o' fortune! Release the lady, or I'll run you through!"

"Tie her to the mast," Pirate Larry ordered his minions before he focused on the newcomer, and Lady Buffy was dragged away. "Now, who dares challenge me?" He scowled at the sight of the British Navy uniform.

"Admiral Horatio Nelson, you loathsome cur," the military officer scowled back at him. "En garde!"

Pirate Larry drew his sword, but he never stood a chance against the Hero of Trafalgar. After a short but furious battle, Nelson landed a hard head-butt on the pirate's nose and then Larry's sword went sailing away: so the dizzy pirate jumped off the docks into the seawater, preferring to escape and continue the fight another night. As Admiral Nelson headed for the prisoner and her two guards, the pirates – once known as Andrew Wells and Jonathan Levinson – decided to follow their leader's example and dived overboard, swimming away as fast as they possibly could.

"Kind sir, I am forever in your debt! You've saved me from a fate worse than death itself!" Lady Buffy gushed in sheer gratitude and hero worship.

"'Twas my pleasure to assist you, milady," Admiral Nelson latched onto the first familiar thing he'd seen tonight – apart from the pirates, of course – and quickly released the noblewoman. "Admiral Horatio Nelson, at your service."

"An Admiral? The good Lord has surely blessed me with the perfect protector this horrible night," Lady Buffy smiled at her benefactor. "Unfortunately, I know not where my father's estate is, nor where on the continent we are-"

"According to a woman I met earlier this evening, this is the New World, milady," Horatio frowned.

"The New World?" Lady Buffy looked horrified at the thought at being so far from home. "How in the name of God Almighty did we get here?"

"Alas, but I know not," the Englishman confessed. "Fortunately, I have a plan. We shall take shelter within this vessel for tonight, and at first light seek out the harbour-master in order to find a ship to take us back to civilization. Until then, I will guard your life with my own."

"You are too kind, Admiral." Lady Buffy felt such a surge of hope and joy that she got carried away, and planted a kiss directly on Horatio's lips.

But as luck would have it, this was exactly when Ethan's spell was broken in the costume shop not far away.

Xander was lost in the sheer pleasure of the kiss for a moment, finally feeling the bliss of his beloved Buffy's lips on his own, before the male teen's eyes flew open and he realized what was going on. The boy had been awake throughout the entire evening, a prisoner within his own body as the Halloween persona had been in complete control of his physical form; but now he was free of the possession and back in the driver's seat again.

( _What the..._ ) Xander thought dazedly to himself.

Buffy, who had come out of it at the exact same moment that Xander did, instantly started freaking. Thus, she reacted the same way every other Slayer before had reacted under such circumstances; the girl immediately and instinctively went on the attack, pushing Xander away from her.

Unfortunately, though, her supernatural Slayer strength that meant Xander went flying over the side of the boat, ending up in the freezing cold water just like Larry, Andrew and Jonathan.

"XANDERRRRRR!" Buffy wailed, as she came over to the side of the ship. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She quickly started stripping off the noblewoman outfit and then dived into the water, intent on rescuing her friend the same way he'd rescued her a few minutes ago.

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 3****rd****, 1997**

Xander Harris was feeling pretty miserable that Monday morning, as he watched Buffy walk out the doors of the library.

( _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ ) the boy chastised himself angrily, after kicking the table leg as hard as he could. ( _What were you expecting, that she'd throw herself into your arms and say that she'd dumped Angel for you? That kiss on Friday night meant nothing, because like it or not – that wasn't Buffy._ )

The recent conversation between them was almost literally carved into his brain with fiery hot knife. Xander tried not to think about what she'd just said, but Buffy's words could not be silenced inside his skull.

"I'm so sorry, Xander. I'm sorry I kissed you like that, I mean – you're one of my best friends, and, and I didn't intend to...well, you know. It's just that Lady Useless was so scared, and you – I mean the admiral – it was such a big comfort that you were willing to do all that for her, I guess she just got carried away for a second..."

( _Yeah, right. Pretty much par for the course for me around here,_ ) Xander thought bitterly to himself. ( _I mean God, why didn't she just carve me up after hauling me out of the water, and use me as fish bait or something? It woulda been a lot less painful, not to mention humiliating!_ )

Eventually, though, Xander finally pulled himself together. It was evidently long past time to stop hoping and pretending like this; it was obvious Buffy wanted Angel instead of him, and so he had to let go of the rivalry he shared with the walking corpse in trying to win Buffy's heart.

If the kiss they'd shared meant nothing to her, then so be it; it was clearly time to start looking at the other fish in the sea.

At that moment, Willow came into the library, looking worried and flustered. "Xander, where have you been?! You haven't returned any of my phone calls, and I was worried sick about you!"

( _No need to worry, Will. Larry isn't bothering me anymore, at least, so I guess one good thing has come outta all this,_ ) the youth thought to himself.

Just then the bell rang, and Xander got up from his chair at the table. At that moment he recalled what Willow had looked like in her Halloween outfit on Friday night and thought to himself, ( _Yeah, there definitely are other fish in the sea, aren't there? Hmmm._ )

"Come on, let's get to first period. I've got quite a story to tell you..."

***

Next: Story 3 - Greater Than The Sum


	3. Greater Than The Sum

**Date written**: Sat 3 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Thanks to everyone who's sent in reviews and feedback so far. This story actually came about due to a posting on the XanderZone which Nodakskip told me about a while ago. I don't know who it was by, or when it was posted, but this story is dedicated to that individual.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 3: Greater Than The Sum

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Looking at it in retrospect, everything could be summarized with the last stanza of that old poem written by George Herbert in 1651: 'so it is a kingdom was lost. All for the want of a nail'.

Of course, in this case there wasn't any nail to speak of: but it wouldn't have been wrong to say that everything would have turned out very differently, if Xander Harris hadn't had the bright idea of asking Jonathan Levinson for help with choosing his Halloween costume that afternoon.

"Uh, why are you asking me for again?" Jonathan said in his reedy and nasal voice. "I mean, wouldn't it be easier for you to ask Buffy or Willow? 'Cause everybody knows how you three hang out together like all the time, Xander."

"Yeah, and that's the problem right there, Jonathan. How am I ever gonna get Buffy to notice me as a man, if I can't stop her from thinking of me as 'one of the girls'?" Xander asked, his mind recalling a rather painful conversation during sophomore year.

"Oh. So Buffy's not your girlfriend? Willow either?" Jonathan asked, looking puzzled. "I mean, the latest rumour in the Dungeons & Dragons crowd is that you're secretly dating them both, and playing them off against each other."

"Really? Oh, that's..." Xander looked pleased for a moment, before reality set in. "Hey! That's my friends you're talkin' about!"

"Uh, no offence. I'm just telling you what I heard," Jonathan backed off slightly, mostly due to the fact that Xander was a lot bigger than him.

"Okay, whatever," Xander exhaled, deciding not to think about that for now. "Anyway, like I said I need ideas. Can you think of anything for a good Halloween costume?"

"I take it anything from the comic oeuvre is out?" the nerd asked tentatively.

"Not planning to dress up as Batman, if that's what you mean," Xander scowled. "I already know someone that Buffy's interested in who's all tall, dark and broody that way, and believe me – I have NO intention of being compared to him!"

Jonathan shrugged. "Well, you wanna be a hero or a villain in order to impress the girl? Like, the Joker always had Harley, and Superman had Lois Lane..."

"Huh, I...I don't know. I just don't know, Jonathan," Xander mused. "I mean, do you think I should maybe try to be a combination of both?"

"Not many people like that which I know of," Levinson shrugged. "Of course, you've always got people who were good, then evil, and then good again. I mean like Hal Jordan from Green Lantern, or-or Captain Picard and Locutus from Next Generation..."

Xander's head snapped up, recalling the night six months ago when he had saved Buffy's life after she'd been drowned by the vampire known as the Master: and how, not long before that had happened, he had actually called the Watcher named Rupert Giles 'Locutus of the Borg'. Making a decision, Harris started discussing with his short acquaintance the best way of dressing up as one of the best Star Trek villains ever conceived by Gene Roddenberry and his staff of Hollywood scriptwriters.

It was exceedingly unfortunate that Jonathan suggested Xander get some grey face paint and a plastic skull-cap from Ethan's Costume Shop, the new place on Main Street which had been getting a lot of rave reviews lately...

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

As the chaos magic flooded into him, that which had been Xander Harris became one of the most dangerous and fearsome creatures to ever walk the earth. Namely, a real-life Borg; a member of the race of cybernetic beings from the Delta quadrant of the Milky Way galaxy.

According to television and movie lore, the Borg were enhanced 'drones' of multiple species, organized as an interconnected collective; the decisions of which were made by a hive mind comprising trillions of members. This process was due to the presence of nanoprobes in the Borg bloodstream or circulatory fluid, microscopic machines acquired from "Species 149" that act to rewrite cellular DNA, linking all members of the collective through a cortical transceiver and maintaining the life-support functions for each drone.

In the case of Xander Harris, though, the nanoprobes did something they had never been designed for: obey Ethan Rayne's magical directives, and create a traditional Borg within Xander's physical form despite there being no collective to suppress his individuality.

( _One. One. One,_ ) the drone automatically counted, finding itself isolated and alone. Examining its organic mind and all the memories contained within it, the drone thought to itself, ( _I am not Locutus of the Borg. Locutus is merely a fictional construct, and irrelevant. I am currently the only member of the collective, and therefore One of One._ )

At that moment the Borg drone, exhibiting a genuine ashen, greyish skin coloration instead of the body paint Xander had utilised earlier tonight, became aware of a red-haired female humanoid running towards it. "Xander! Xander!"

One of One said emotionlessly, "You are Willow Rosenberg of Species 5618. The Borg collective will be created on your planet, and we will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. You and your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile."

"What? Xander! Stop playing around, this is no time for jokes!" the ghost girl said in exasperation. "Look at what's happening all around us, we gotta find Buffy!" Willow gestured around to all the chaos currently taking place.

"Buffy Summers is irrelevant." A flickering cone of light came out of the drone's ocular implant, scanning Willow almost to the molecular level. "Non-corporeal life-form detected. Threat assessment minimal, ignoring Willow Rosenberg."

Willow's eyes went wide as saucers as she finally realized the situation. "Oh my God, Xander, you...you really did become Locutus of the Borg?!"

One of One ignored her, striding off. The nanoprobes within its bloodstream were already augmenting the drone's body, in preparation for something called the "Royal Protocol": that is, a course of action to create a Borg Queen from a female Borg. Well, as soon as he created a female Borg by assimilation anyway. It was a standard fail-safe procedure when cut off from the collective, and One of One had already decided who the new Queen was going to be.

Thus, in a matter of moments, the Borg creature had found the possessed form of Buffy the vampire Slayer. Someone who had dressed up as an 18th century noblewoman tonight, and had been transformed by the chaos magic just like Willow and Xander.

"A DEMON! A DEMON!!" the noblewoman screamed in fright at the sight of One of One, before turning around and running as fast as the frilly red dress she wore would permit. The Willow ghost looked torn for a moment, before deciding to follow her.

The cyborg did not run, it simply marched after them impassively. Unlike humans, One of One would not get tired and the drone knew it would acquire its target eventually, once the female ran out of energy from the exertion of running like that. Before that happened though, the drone heard another female scream and paused to take note of what was happening around it.

( _Female humanoid, designation Cordelia Chase of Species 5618. Assimilate into the collective,_ ) One of One decided then and there. Plotting an intercept course, the Borg drone quickly took care of the creature chasing the cheerleader, considering Jo-Jo the Dog Face Boy something unworthy of assimilation – in accordance with the Borg's twisted notions of 'perfection'.

"Oh my God, Xander, is that you? Hey, what have you done to yourself? That costume looks way more authentic than it did at school a few hours ago!" Cordelia exclaimed, staring at her Borg companion.

"You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile," One of One said dispassionately, before extending a pair of tubules from its hand and injecting its nanoprobes into Cordelia's neck, directly into her bloodstream. Immediately, the victim's skin pigmentation started turning grey with visible dark tracks forming within moments of contact.

"HEY, YOU DWEEB!" was the last thing Cordelia Chase ever shouted, as the first of the new Borg was born in Sunnydale tonight.

***

**Calax Research and Development Corporation, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Xander Harris came to slowly, gradually, only to find himself strapped down onto what appeared to be a long table of some sort. It was at that point that all the memories of last night came hurtling back into the fore of his mind.

( _OH MY GOD, NO!_ ) Xander was instantly freaked out at all the horrors he remembered from the previous evening. ( _PLEASE, PLEASE, LET IT ALL BE JUST A BAD DREAM!_ )

"Xander Harris of Species 5618."

Harris turned his head slightly upon hearing the flat, atonal female voice, and almost vomited at what he saw. Cordelia Chase was standing before him – but it wasn't the Queen C he knew and loved to hate. For one thing, she was now dressed in a black leather jumpsuit; and for another, she was completely bald and her skin just as grey and ashen-coloured as his had been last night.

He didn't even have to think about it, Xander instantly knew that this wasn't Cordelia anymore. This was no drone either; this was a Borg Queen, in all her glory.

"How many?" Harris managed to croak out. "How many people have been assimilated ever since last night?"

"Not many. It took some time for the royal jelly to enable me to fully take over the collective's activities. But that will be remedied soon enough," the Borg Queen said her robotic, semi-inhuman voice, and then she smiled in a way that truly sickened the former drone. "After Ethan Rayne was assimilated, I knew that you would need to be properly taken care of. The magic spell used to turn everyone into their costumes was designed to end at dawn. And the collective cannot afford for its plans to be disrupted, while there are still so few members present."

"Why?" Xander demanded. As said, he still had all the costume persona memories from last night. "Why are we having this conversation? I know how these things are done, I should be either assimilated or dead right now. What do you want from me?"

"It is true that under normal circumstances, you would have been re-assimilated as soon as the chaos spell wore off. But I am able to learn from my predecessor's mistakes; we both know how much Jean-Luc Picard kept fighting against that Queen, even while he was Locutus. Because he had the one thing that I plan to deprive you of; hope," the female Borg said with an air of finality.

"And how do you plan to do that?" Xander asked, knowing it was futile trying to play games.

The Borg Queen simply smiled that satanic smile again, as two drones – Xander's flesh crawled as he recognized the Borgified features of Rupert Giles and Jonathan Levinson – dragged a pair of bodies into the room. Xander's eyes widened in disbelief as he looked upon the corpses of Buffy and Willow.

"I ordered it to be done. Because there was no place for those two within our collective," the Borg Queen said casually. "Even as drones they would have been too much of a disruptive influence. Therefore I killed them, and both bodies will now be recycled to harvest their organic components."

( _Oh dear God forgive me, what have I DONE?!_ ) Xander thought to himself in horror, blaming himself for what had happened whether it was the right thing to do or not. An abyss of despair threatened to swallow him whole, for his best friends were now dead and soon there wouldn't even be any bodies to bury.

"Cordelia hated me even worse than she always hated Buffy and Willow; we had a history that went back all the way to kindergarten. So why not just kill me and be done with it, like you did them?" Harris asked in a hollow, dead tone of voice. The will to fight had already been drained, just as the Queen had known it would be.

The Borg female actually laughed. "You are far more valuable to me than they ever were – One of One is the progenitor of the Borg collective, after all. That is why your genetic material – and Cordelia's – will be used to create the first generation of incubated Borg drones, once the ranks of the assimilated have been filled properly."

Just for a moment, Xander thought he heard the ghost of Cordelia Chase talking as the Borg Queen deliberately altered the pitch and tone of her voice, "How's becoming a daddy that way sound to you, Xander?"

Revulsion was the last thing young Mr. Harris ever experienced as the Borg Queen came over and injected him with the same nanoprobes that had been injected into her less than twenty hours ago.

"One of One, Primary Adjunct of Matrix 001. Welcome back."

***

**Somewhere in a higher dimension**

**April 5****th****, 2063**

Things had changed a great deal ever since a certain Halloween night back in the 20th century, when a scourge far worse than any demon or vampire had been unleashed upon the living earth.

The Borg collective had assimilated various individuals under the Queen's direction – slowly at first, but then with ever-increasing frequency as the need for concealment grew less and less. There had been hurdles to overcome, and a concerted attack that had almost destroyed the collective in its infancy; but in the end all the obstacles had been annihilated, and the earth's population had stabilised at approximately nine billion.

No vampires, demons or humans; rather, all Borg. A pseudo-race that, even now, was looking to spread out amongst the stars, assimilating into the hive mind all those that they deemed worthy and exterminating those that they did not.

One of the Powers That Be, the individual that would have been known as 'Jasmine' in a very different timeline, sighed as she heard the final pronouncement upon the mortal plane from the leader of her people: "It is finished. There is no more good, no more evil. Through no action of our own, the balance is finally secure."

***

Next: Story 4 - Be Careful What You Wish For


	4. Be Careful What You Wish For

**Date written**: Sun 4 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **A big thank you to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback so far.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 4: Be Careful What You Wish For

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

( _So I need to buy a Halloween costume,_ ) Xander Harris thought to himself, as he wandered into the boys' locker room for upcoming gym class. Principal Snyder had said that costumes were mandatory for the child safety escort duty tomorrow night, and there was no point trying to deny the principal's wishes. ( _But what kinda costume is it gonna be? Okay, I can't afford much, but I don't wanna look like a complete idiot either... _)

"OW! Hey, watch it," the male teenager who had just bumped into Harris growled, before recognition slowly began to set in. "Wait a minute. Don't I know you?"

"Well, this is a big school-" Xander cut himself off, as he got hit by the recognition bug as well. "Owen Thurman?"

"Xander Harris!" Owen said in annoyance. "Yeah, I remember you now. You were the guy who did his best to ruin my chances with Buffy Summers!" The young man saw Xander's look and added, "Come on, you think I've forgotten? 'Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. She doesn't like to be touched. Actually, don't even look at her.' Any of this ringing any bells for you?" Owen demanded.

"Okay, okay, so I didn't exactly want to help you out back then. But in my defence, pal, she dumped you after the Buffster found out about your whole 'danger junkie' thing, which had nothing to do with me," Xander pointed out, even though he now felt ashamed of his actions during sophomore year. "Look, Owen, I'm sorry for how I acted like such a jealous idiot that night. Any chance you'll forgive me?"

"Well...maybe," Owen said, the irritation starting to subside. "So tell me, how far have you gotten trying to snare Buffy for yourself? Crashed and burned yet?"

"Yeah, Spring Fling last year. Uh, turns out Buffy wasn't interested in me anymore than she was in you," Xander confessed, looking away. "Maybe it was that whole Emily Dickinson thing, I don't know. Hey, are you still into that sorta stuff?"

Owen shook his head and took a book out of his schoolbag. "You see this? Thomas Shadwell and his masterpiece, 'The Libertine'. The legend of Don Juan, the original ladies man! All those women, and that guy never had to pay for it once in his entire life!" Owen said enthusiastically.

"I, I think I've heard of him," Xander said, trying to remember details. "Uh, wasn't he killed at the end of the story though?"

"Yeah, he was. Hey, how did you know that?" Owen frowned.

Xander shrugged, "I spend a lot of time in the school library, dude. As it happens, I do happen to read a lot."

Owen unexpectedly put the book into Xander's hands, who just stared at the cover blankly. "Then consider this my good deed for the year and study that book carefully. I'll pick it up from you again tomorrow."

Owen then walked off, as Xander just stared at the literary legend that had come out during the late 17th century. And then he smiled, as Harris got an idea for his Halloween costume tomorrow night.

***

**Sunnydale High School Corridor, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Xander, dressed as the book's version of Don Juan, walked down the hallway as he saw the white ghost outfit his female friend Willow Rosenberg was wearing. "Hey, Will! Where ya going?"

The young woman, who like Xander had bought her Halloween outfit from Ethan's Costume Shop yesterday, stopped to talk to her life-long crush. "Oh, I gotta hurry and get to my group of little kids. Shouldn't you be doing the same?"

"Yeah, but I just wanna get this book back to Owen Thurman first...and here he is," Xander finished up, seeing the guy coming the other way.

"Owen Thurman?" Willow echoed, turning around to see Owen for herself. "Oh, hey, I haven't seen him in ages!"

"Harris, you got my book? And who's your friend?" Thurman demanded as he came to a stop.

"Uh, hi Owen. It's me, Willow," the girl said from underneath her ghost outfit.

"Willow who?" Owen asked in confusion.

"Willow Rosenberg," Xander replied. Seeing the other boy's lack of recognition he motioned to his best friend, "Take off the outfit for a second, Will, and let him see you."

"But, but I don't want to," Willow said immediately. She was wearing an outfit underneath that made her very uncomfortable, something Buffy had practically forced her to wear; boots, a short black leather skirt, and a burgundy, long-sleeved, V-necked, midriff-baring top.

"Why not?" Xander demanded in response to Willow's statement. "Willow, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I..." Then the female hacker sighed in defeat, she knew Xander well enough to understand how now that his concern had been raised, he'd never just let this go. So Willow took off the white sheet, baring herself to the world.

"Oh, now I remember you! Willow, that's right, you were Buffy's friend," Owen nodded approvingly at what he saw. "Looking good there, Rosenberg."

Somewhat slack-jawed Xander quickly shoved the book into Owen's hands and then he departed, dragging Willow along by the arm. Once they were at minimum safe distance, Harris stopped and said in a choked tone of voice, "Great googley-moogley, Willow, what are you wearing?"

Willow was feeling extremely panicky right now. "Uh, well..."

"That top, that skirt! And, and is that lipstick?" Xander could not help going into his pretty-girl-Xander-babble mode.

"Yeah, I-I picked some up from the costume shop yesterday along with the ghost outfit, it was called-" Willow instantly cut herself off, berating herself for even bringing up the subject.

"What? What was it called?" Xander started to smile.

"Harlot," Willow confessed, and then smacked him as Xander laughed out loud. "Hey, it's not funny!"

"You're right. You're right," Xander choked in a strangled voice. "Not funny at all..."

Looking upset, Willow stormed off. She was so annoyed that the redhead completely forgot about the ghost sheet lying at Xander's feet, and everyone started staring at Willow's Goth girl outfit.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Xander smiled and stretched, feeling softness and warmth spooned against his back, plus a feminine arm draped across his chest possessively. He had dreamed that Buffy had finally given in to that good ol' Xander Harris charm, and professed her love for him last night. Then they had celebrated that love in the traditional way a man and a woman did when they were alone together. But that was just a dream, whereas this...

The young man instantly leapt from the bed, his gaze taking in the scene frantically. Harris recognized the other person within Buffy's bed, and his brain started analysing the situation in mental shorthand. ( _Naked Willow. Naked Xander. Angry Mr. Rosenberg. Dead Xander..._ )

"Oh, God. Oh, God, I'm dead. Ogodogodogodogod!"

The sound of Xander's hyperventilating awoke the red-haired girl, who smiled up at him sleepily for a second before snapping back to reality herself. Then Willow sat bolt upright, and screamed.

The memories from last night quickly came back for both of them. The girl had transformed into an older version of herself, a rock 'n roll groupie that loved both 'Harlot' lipstick and getting laid. The boy had turned into Don Juan, completely confused but still willing to score with anything female, good-looking and containing a pulse. There had been the noblewoman version of Buffy, arriving at Buffy's house, Cordelia Chase, Angel; and then Don Juan sweet-talking the groupie into sneaking away upstairs to Buffy's bedroom, leaving the other three alone downstairs...

Pushed into mental overload, Xander did the only thing he could think of doing. He backed away, ready to run for his life. In the process of backing up, however, he tripped over one of Willow's shoes and fell backward.

His body crashed against the bureau drawer as he collapsed to the floor. Not only that but the lamp that had been standing on the drawer clipped Xander's head on its way down, allowing the youth to slip into blissful unconsciousness.

Willow screamed again, and then clamped her hand over her mouth as Joyce and Buffy burst into the room. After the spell had been terminated and Mrs. Summers had arrived home last night, the vampire Slayer had fed her mom a bogus story about a 'gas leak' that had caused her friends to go slightly crazy. Well, it was a lot more believable than telling Joyce how Willow and Xander had been possessed by their Halloween costumes, in trying to come up with a reason for why those two had had sex in her daughter's bedroom.

"Willow? Are you alright? Xa...what happened to Xander?!" Buffy almost couldn't believe her eyes this morning, spying her naked unconscious friend on the floor.

For the first time in her life, Willow Rosenberg had utterly no idea what to say.

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 3****rd****, 1997**

As Xander walked out of the library, Willow finally gave in to her urge to cry her eyes out. It was Monday morning, and yet the events of Friday night were still embedded into her mind as if a white-hot branding iron had been used to put them there.

It was so ironic, on so many levels; Willow had been planning to marry Xander Harris ever since she was six years old, and despite the lack of a ceremony, their relationship had now been fully consummated so to speak. She had made love to the guy she loved, but the circumstances...oh, the circumstances...

Buffy came out of her Watcher's private office alone, since she had ordered Giles to skedaddle for a bit whilst Willow and Xander talked. Thanks to her enhanced Slayer hearing, Buffy could have easily eavesdropped on the conversation just now; but she had deliberately chosen not to, wanting her best friend to confide in her of her own free will. "Willow? How, uh, how did it go?"

"We, we talked," the Rosenberg girl choked out. "Hopefully we straightened a few things out too, Buff."

Miss Summers didn't get it. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Willow briefly smiled through her tears. "Xander kept apologizing until I told him to shut up, that it wasn't his fault what happened anymore than it was mine. We were possessed, and neither of us could have prevented what Don Juan and that bimbo decided to do on Friday night. It took me a while to get that concept through his head, but eventually he stopped apologizing and started panicking. 'Cause we didn't use any protection, y'know?"

Buffy nodded. "Did you tell him about your visit to the doctor?"

"Yeah. And thank God Dr. Cohen's discreet, I mean if my parents found out...well, I'm pretty sure my dad would give Xander an in-depth lesson about the theory and practice of circumcision using his pruning shears," Willow choked out, as the tears began to subside.

The Chosen One shuddered. "Yikes. So, uh, everything's gonna be okay then?" Willow didn't answer. "Willow? What's wrong?" Silence. "Willow?"

"BUFFY, HE DOESN'T LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I LOVE HIM!" the red-haired girl suddenly screamed in heart-felt pain. "You should have heard what Xander said just now! 'You're my best friend, Willow'. 'I don't want to lose you as a friend over this, Willow'. God, I've wanted to be Mrs. Xander Harris for almost as long as I can remember...but now, I know that that's just not gonna happen!" Breathing deeply Willow finished up, "You're the only one he wants, Buffy. And it's long past time I stopped kidding myself about that."

Miss Summers grew even more uncomfortable, as she knew that Xander had always had a major thing for her; the same way Willow had always had a major thing for him, and the same way that she herself had always had a major thing for Angel. And what's more, the Slayer knew that such a love quadrangle couldn't possibly end well for any and all concerned.

( _Oh, what a mess,_ ) Buffy thought to herself with a sigh. Then she said verbally, "Um, maybe you're wrong. I mean, having sex under the influence...uh, no, I mean...well, with both of you losing your virginity that way-" Buffy said uncertainly.

"You still don't get it, Buffy," Willow interrupted her. "See, deep down, I don't really regret what happened. I tried my best to stop it from taking place, yeah, but whatever the circumstances – I honestly don't mind the fact that Xander was my first. There was never anyone else I wanted to fulfil that role, anyway. What bothers me is the fact that after I finally got it through his head how I was okay with sleeping with him that night, it never even occurred to the big goof to wonder if it could possibly mean the start of a real relationship between us. I could see it in Xander's eyes; there was only relief that I wasn't mad at him, that we were still friends. Nothing else!"

"Are you sure about that?" Buffy now understood the extent of her friend's pain, and she also wanted to hit Xander over the head for being such a complete guy that way.

"Positive," Willow nodded her head sadly. "May as well as face it: Xander and I were never meant to be together like that, and that's all there is to it." She got up off the chair, and started wiping her wet, red-rimmed eyes. "I, uh, thanks for being here for me like this, Buffy. Seriously, I-I honestly don't know how I'd cope if it wasn't for your friendship."

Overcome with emotion, the two teenage girls quickly engaged in a big hug as Giles finally made his way back into the library.

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**November 11****th****, 1997**

As was becoming more and more usual these days, Xander Harris sat alone within the nightclub while Buffy and Willow chatted together not far away. Lately the dynamic between the three of them had changed completely, and the young man knew that. Ever since Halloween, the girls had been slipping further and further away from him.

( _I should have known, damn it. Like that old saying goes, sex ruins the friendship..._ ) Xander grumbled to himself with a mental sigh.

In some ways, it was hard for Harris to believe that he'd actually scored with a girl; and with Willow of all people. In other ways, it didn't feel surprising at all; Xander still had all the memories of Don Juan in his head, and he could remember what it was like seducing huge numbers of women in Spain, Italy and elsewhere. He could also remember what it was like being dragged down to Hell, after foolishly shaking hands with the dead father of that virgin girl used and then cast aside like garbage. But that was something Harris had been doing his best to repress during every waking moment, ever since Ethan's spell had occurred.

"All right, I'll bite. What the hell are you doing sitting here all alone, instead of being over there with your two loser friends where you belong?"

Xander looked up to see Cordelia Chase staring at him, hands on hips. "Go away, Cordy," he told the school's social queen irritably. "Really not in the mood for one of our insult contests right now."

The brunette cheerleader sat down within the alcove anyway. "Look, obviously we're not friends. But ever since I learned what it is you tweakos really do in that library-"

"I thought I told you to go away," Xander interrupted, glaring at her.

"And I will, when I decide it's gonna happen. Not when YOU order me to do it," Cordelia glared right back. "Look at you, Xander! Something weird is going on; for one thing, your wardrobe's undergone a complete overhaul. Your clothes are colour-coordinated now, I haven't seen any Hawaiian shirts in ages and your shoes might actually pass muster with anyone that prefers Prada to Payless! Plus a lot of the girls at school are talking to you nowadays, apart from Willow and Buffy. So what gives? Is it something I need to watch out for, in case I suddenly start thinking you're not a dork anymore?"

Exhaling, Xander figured the quickest way to get rid of her would be to tell the Chase girl everything: well, after threatening to kill her if Cordelia ever told anyone that he and Willow had slept together a while back. Miss Chase and her flock did thrive on school gossip, after all.

But to his surprise all that the cheerleader asked was, "So just how good was Willow in bed?"

"WHAT? I'm not discussing that with you," Xander growled, already regretting confiding in her. "Now go away, all right? Consider your curiosity satisfied."

"There's a reason I'm asking, dummy. You DO know that Willow's been in love with you ever since we were in kindergarten, right?" Cordelia asked archly.

Harris turned to face her again. "What?"

Miss Chase rolled her eyes. "Oh, someone up there give me strength – newsflash, Xander! Are you really that clueless? Didn't being Don Juan for one night teach you ANYTHING about girls?" Cordelia demanded acerbically. "Now I get why Willow and Buffy have been avoiding you lately. That red-haired geek has finally figured out that even sex isn't enough to get you to love her the same way she loves you, so for my money, her and the freakazoid are eventually gonna freeze you out altogether. Makes sense, too, I suppose; who wants to constantly be reminded that your first time meant nothing to the other party involved?"

"That's not true!!" Xander hissed. "And what the hell would you know, anyway!? I love Willow with all my heart-"

"But you don't want to marry her. You want to marry Buffy instead, right? The bottle-blonde social leper who actually prefers a vampire to you," Cordelia smirked, referring to Angel. She knew now that said individual was a bloodsucker, even if she hadn't before Halloween. "Makes me glad that I'm the normal one around here, let me tell you."

"This conversation is so over," Xander muttered angrily, as he began to get up. "And just so we're clear on this, if I hear that you've told anyone anything about what we've discussed tonight? I will throw you to the vamps as a free meal, the moment you least expect it!" He then stalked off, visibly seething.

Cordelia simply shook her head, as she went off to rejoin Harmony and the rest of her friends. All this was really none of her business, after all.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 12****th****, 1997**

The undercover 'justice' demon known as Halfrek wasn't happy. She was behind in her quota, her boss D'hoffryn was constantly hassling her about her performance at work, and her friend Anyanka was on a job somewhere in South America. But she knew that she had to put all that aside and blend in, after Willow's pain had spanned the dimensions and summoned this demoness to the Hellmouth.

"How are you doing, Will?" Buffy asked her best friend as they walked along the colonnade.

"Fine, until this morning," Willow said sadly. "Um, you know how Xander said that he wanted to talk to me today? Apparently, he's finally figured out how I really feel about him – well, uh, after Cordelia of all people spelled everything out at the Bronze last night. And it, it hurt him, Buffy, it hurt Xander so much to know that he caused me so much pain like that."

"Well, yeah – but it's kind of his own fault, Willow. If Xander would simply wake up and discover just what a wonderful catch you really are, you two would be instantly be in 'happily ever after' territory," Buffy pointed out.

"No, it's not that simple. I mean you can't force someone to love you that way, no matter how much they care about you. Still, that 'happily ever after' thing sounds so nice, I really do wish Xander loved me the same way that I love him..." Miss Rosenberg sighed.

Miss Summers nodded. "You're right. Myself, I just wish that Angel and I could simply be a couple of regular kids..."

Halfrek smirked, and decided to do some further investigation. She looked for Xander and eventually, after she found him, she heard the Harris boy mutter to himself, "Why does my love life suck like this, I ask you? Why can't Buffy simply love me the way that I love her? Man, I wish she did, we'd be so happy together..."

Halfrek smirked again, and went off in search of her next target. She found Cordelia gossipping with her Cordettes as Harmony Kendall said, "So Cordy, who was that hunk I saw you talking with at the Bronze last night?"

"Oh, you mean Angel?" Miss Chase said regally. "Please, he's no one important."

"But didn't you say recently that he was, uh, pure salty goodness?" another Cordette asked, looking confused.

"That was then, this is now," Cordelia scowled. "Because he's involved with that nutcase, Buffy Summers. Sometimes I wish he felt that way about me instead of her, y'know? I'd show him what being with a real woman is like..."

( _Finally! That ought to do it for my quota this month,_ ) Halfrek thought to herself in gleeful contentment.

Several hours later, after checking out the Hellmouth for any other possible Wishes that might possibly boost her numbers even higher, the 'justice' demon said simply to all her clients, "Done."

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 13****th****, 1997**

( _This must be a Thursday. I know Buffy babbles on about Tuesdays a lot, but myself I never could get the hang of Thursdays,_ ) Giles thought to himself idly, as he tried to sort through his catalogue collection. ( _Ah, well, one must forebear I suppose. Just as long as no one interrupts me..._ )

Of course, that was just tempting Fate as Willow blasted open the library doors, running to hide behind the British Watcher. "Giles, you gotta help me! I think everyone's gone completely INSANE!"

"What? Willow, what are you..." Rupert started to say. But just then Xander entered the library as well, with Buffy hot on his heels; and the looks on their face were enough to make Giles pause in astonishment.

"Willow! Where are you, sweetheart?" Harris called out, his voice thick with need and desire.

"Forget about her, Xander! I'm the one you've always been in love with, remember?" Buffy snapped. "And now that I've finally realized that we were always meant to be together, you're giving me the cold shoulder? I don't fricking think so!"

"Buffy, please. What I felt for you before was just a stupid crush, like I heard you whine about to Willow often enough – when you two thought I wasn't listening," Xander told her with far too much honesty. "I mean, what kinda life could we possibly have had together, especially when you add Dead Boy into the mix? But it doesn't matter anymore, I know now what my heart wants-"

"Funny, because I know what your face wants!" Buffy snarled, her alpha female mentality not dealing very well with rejection. She hit Xander as hard as she could, but then instantly cried out in pain, clutching her hand as Harris barely even staggered backwards.

"OW! That hurt! And God, I think I broke a nail!" Miss Summers complained.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!!" Giles roared, startling everyone else present. "Now what the devil is going on here? What's the matter with you two?"

"Nothing!" Xander and Buffy said at the same time.

At that moment, a screaming Cordelia came hurtling into the library as well, hiding behind Xander. "Keep him away from me!"

Less than two seconds later, a teenage human version of Angel came running in as well. "Cordelia? Cordelia, love, where are you?"

"Back off, you sicko!" Miss Chase shouted at him.

"But why? I love you!" Angel pleaded with her, trying to get around Xander. "Back in my time we'd have been married by now, and you'd be expecting our first child-"

"Well, this isn't your time anymore, and keep your hands off my ass!!" Cordelia screeched angrily at the former vampire.

Xander looked confused. "Is anybody else noticing how the walking corpse is standing in the sunlight, and yet somehow isn't spontaneously combusting?"

Rupert Giles had had enough. Grabbing Angel by one arm and Xander with the other, he tossed the two males into the book cage and locked it behind them. "All right, let's start at the beginning. What happened this morning, exactly?"

"I don't know," Willow replied, still trying to come to grips with everything. "Giles, I have no idea what's going on here! I mean...Xander's professing his love for me, Buffy's proclaiming her love for him – as well as losing her Slayer abilities – and Angel's ended up human, as well as having pledged his love to Cordelia...but I have no idea why!"

"I don't know why I put up with you people, I swear to God," Cordelia added venomously. "I should have asked Daddy to transfer me to a school in LA ages ago!"

"Buffy," Giles said, noting how the blonde was at the walls of the book cage; staring longingly at Xander instead of Angel, and totally indifferent to the fact that her former heart's desire concerning the vampire boyfriend had finally been granted. "Buffy! Pay attention!"

"Huh? What?" Miss Summers asked, turning around.

"Answer me," Giles commanded. "Why are you acting like this? For that matter, why are Angel and Xander also acting like this? You've never shown any interest in Xander before, just like...just like Xander's never shown any interest in Willow, nor Angel in Cordelia..."

The Watcher seemed to get an idea, as he paled and began rifling through his various reference books. Then he said, "Uh, Willow, Cordelia, you two are the only ones currently thinking straight, so please start looking through these volumes. See if you can find anything that might cause an emotional enchantment of the type we're seeing here. This, this could be anything from a satyr's prank to a mischief demon's curse..."

"Great, research duty again," Cordelia grumbled, as she and Willow sat down.

"That's the price you gotta pay for being part of the Scooby Gang, Cor!" Xander called out from within the cage. "Just don't strain those hazel eyes of yours too much, okay? Your groupies are gonna smell blood in the water, just like that."

"Hey, you don't talk about my girl that way!" Angel snapped out.

"Cordelia's YOUR girl? Yeah, right," Xander sneered at him. "As if you'd ever have eyes for anyone other than Buffy, if it wasn't for this spell or whatever it is!"

"Like you wouldn't, either? How is it that despite how Buffy and Willow think that you're a jealous idiot, Xander, that simply doesn't mean anything to you? Are you really that self-centred?" Angel shot back.

"Hey, I'd rather be that than a coward like you, you...you cradle-robbing ex-bloodsucker!" Xander shouted furiously.

"You tell him, honey!" Buffy called out to Xander encouragingly, as the two males began to settle their differences with fisticuffs.

"Oy, you two pillocks – knock it off in there!" Giles thundered out. "Or I'll get my tranquilliser rifle out, and put you both down for the duration!"

"This cannot possibly get much more disturbing," Willow shook her head in disbelief, glancing briefly at Cordelia.

"Tell me about it. How the hell I could ever be more comfortable around the doofus instead of the hunk is like completely beyond me..." Miss Chase replied. Then she saw something in one of the books. "Hey, wait a minute! I saw someone wearing an amulet like this one, just yesterday!"

Quick as a flash, Giles came over and grabbed the book from her. "Ah...a vengeance demon? Oh, bloody hell, one of D'hoffryn's mob. This isn't gonna be easy..." He paused for a few seconds to consider the situation, and then began issuing orders.

"Willow, go to my office, bring me my bag of magical supplies. Cordelia..." Giles went behind the counter of the library, and gave the girl a glass bottle he'd left there after having lunch yesterday. "Trace out a circle with this salt, please. One big enough for a human being to stand in."

Buffy, Xander and Angel all just frowned as they watched the busy activity taking place within the library. As Giles began preparing some heavy-duty wards around the sacred circle, Cordelia turned to Willow and said, "What's he doing?"

"I, I'm not sure," the redhead replied, as Miss Summers finally joined them. "Buffy, what do you think?"

"Oh, I don't care really, to be honest. Listen, Willow...would you be interested in being my maid of honour when Xander and I finally get married?" the former Slayer asked hopefully. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have riding shotgun than you!"

"Right, that should do it," Giles grunted, missing out on Willow's groan in the background. "Now, let's see...the herbs, yes, the incantation, got that too..." He mixed together the requisite ingredients, and began the summoning ceremony. "Halfrek, in the name of scorned children everywhere. I beseech thee to appear before me!"

There was an explosion of smoke within the circle, and when it cleared the demoness could be seen trapped inside. "WHO DARES-?" Hallie screamed, upon finding herself imprisoned this way.

"I dare," Giles cut her off. "You have bewitched a number of my friends with a Wish. Now undo it, lest I encompass you with the Sphere of Infinite Agonies!" Giles threatened her. "You have five seconds to decide."

( _Damn it! There goes my quota, I bet!_ ) Hallie thought to herself in dismay, after seeing the look on Rupert's face. ( _Oh, why can't I ever seem to catch a break? Anyanka wouldn't ever have had this sort of trouble, I'm sure! _)

"Four, three, two, one..." Giles counted down.

Grinding her teeth, Halfrek called out at the last moment, "Fine! Fine. Let the spell be ended!"

Straightaway, everyone except Giles fell down to the ground. Slowly, blearily they picked themselves up and dusted themselves off, refusing to look at each other as the turmoil of what they'd said and done recently took hold in their minds. Especially Buffy and Angel, who were once again a Slayer and a vampire.

Hallie ignored them all and said to Giles, "Happy now?"

"Is everyone alright?" the Watcher called out. "Buffy?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Kinda freaking, but at least I'm me again," Miss Summers said helplessly.

"Same here," Angel reported, recovering quicker than the mortal teenagers.

"Me too," Xander muttered to no one in particular.

"What was that?" Cordelia wanted to know, and then she started cringing over what had happened to her clothes from collapsing to the floor.

"Magic," Willow breathed delicately, full of understanding. "Black magic..."

"Demon, begone!" Giles shouted, satisfied. "You are cast out of this place, and by Kali, Kronos and Kassiel, I curse you and your kind never to return!"

With another explosion of smoke and sound, Halfrek disappeared – screaming her lungs out in fury and indignation. As soon as Giles opened the book cage Xander left too, straight out the library doors without saying a word to anybody.

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**November 14****th****, 1997**

( _Things are never gonna be the same again, I'll bet,_ ) Xander mused to himself as he played pool alone inside the nightclub. ( _I don't know if my friendship with Willow and Buffy is gonna survive all this, I honestly don't. I'm pretty sure Angel wasn't being a liar yesterday; and some of the things I said must have hurt my girls a LOT!_ )

"Well, at least this time you're not sulking in that booth over there. I suppose that's got to count for something," a familiar female voice said directly behind him.

"Hello, Cordelia," Xander said, not looking around. "To what do I owe this pleasure, so to speak?"

"I'm honestly not sure," Miss Chase said slowly. She looked around to make sure that none of her Cordetttes were present tonight before saying, "I guess it's because I need to talk to someone about everything that happened yesterday, and for some insane reason you're the one whose company I find the least intolerable right now."

"Really? Huh," Xander said as he turned around. "Listen, uh, when Dead Boy was drooling all over you like that...he didn't do anything too bad, did he? I mean, I saw for myself at the time just how quickly you ran into the library!"

"You can relax, it was more or less just some naughty touching. Believe me, if it had been anything more I'd have been screaming 'attempted rape' so loud everyone on campus would have heard me," Cordelia told him in no uncertain terms. "What about you, how are you holding up?"

Xander laughed without a trace of humour present. It was almost enough to give Cordelia a chill, hearing that sound coming out of his mouth.

"Me?" Harris asked rhetorically. "Oh, I'm just peachy. Because not only did I call the friendly neighbourhood vampire a paedophile directly to his face, but the only two friends I have in this world aren't speaking to me right now. Willow because she's ashamed of wishing for something that she's always wanted but can't have, and Buffy because she's mad at ME for wishing for something that I've always wanted but can't have."

"Oh, they'll get over it," Cordelia said with a 'pfft' gesture, grabbing her own pool cue. "Despite personal feelings, I'm sure those two will get past this and forgive you for everything. Eventually, anyway."

"Myself, I'm not so sure," Xander shook his head. "And even if they do, I don't know if I will. I said a lot of stuff yesterday that I can never take back, Cordy. Even to you, that crack about you and your groupies – uh, sorry about that by the way."

"Please, don't apologize. It's true enough, all those girls would turn on me in an instant if it suited their purpose. But you know what? I don't care," Cordelia declared, as she sunk the red ball in the corner pocket. "Let 'em do their worst. I plan to leave Sunnydale as soon as I can, and it's not like I'm ever gonna see any of them again once we all graduate high school!"

"So where are you gonna go when the time comes?" Xander wondered, as he stared at all the different coloured balls on the table.

"Somewhere far away from here. Colorado, Durham, New York – anywhere I can find that's got a good college, and doesn't have any vampires or demons on campus," Miss Chase said fervently, as she missed her next shot. "Damn. You?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted. He lined up the cue ball. "I have utterly no idea what I'm going to do once high school is over. Somehow, I don't think Don Juan's ability to seduce women is gonna come in very handy, at least not in today's society."

He missed Cordelia's speculative look as the male teen aimed for the side pocket, and even if he hadn't – well, it was doubtful Xander would have been interested in hearing just how much the average gigolo in Los Angeles made nowadays.

The white ball slammed into a group of other balls on the pool table, sending them careening all over the table; like shards of fate, or destiny, spilling forward out into the unknown future.

***

Next: Story 5 - Xliders


	5. Xliders

**Date written**: Mon 5 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** This story underwent a major change in tone and direction from the original version to what you're reading here today. One of my beta readers said the first edition was too dark and too many people got killed, and suggested this alternative storyline instead. I liked it, so instead of Giles and Willow abandoning the ruined remains of Sunnydale after the Judge's rampage, I give you this! Oh, and thanks to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback so far, I truly do appreciate it.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 5: Xliders

**Partytown Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 22****nd****, 1997**

The store was dark and silent, and the rent-a-cop security guard was snoozing in his chair instead of patrolling the way he was supposed to be doing. Well, this was the Hellmouth after all; mundane crime wasn't exactly common around here, even if the number of murders and 'wild animal attacks' were on par with some of the worst parts of East LA and New York City.

Still, the guard should have been awake and functional tonight. If he had been, perhaps he would have noticed the dark-clad intruder who snuck into the store and left a time-delayed smoke bomb in one corner of the costume shop. The guard might have been able to prevent the store's automatic sprinkler systems from activating, flooding the place with water and ruining all the costumes.

If he had, the guard might have been able to prevent Ethan Rayne from being an evil capitalist fiend – someone out to not only create chaos on All Hallows' Eve, but make an even bigger buck by ruining his competition for the upcoming holiday festival.

***

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Xander Harris whistled at all the various costumes and gadgets this store had, he hadn't been expecting it to be so well-stocked for such a new place. When he mentioned it to his friend Willow, the redhead replied, "I know, but didn't you hear about what happened to Partytown last week? All their outstanding orders had to be transferred somewhere. I mean everyone's been coming here, Xander, there's no other place in Sunnydale to go for a Halloween costume now..."

Panicked, Harris immediately went to check out the store for a toy gun that he wanted to complete the Vietnam-era soldier look; but it was too late. The big influx of customers meant that there were no more such guns left in the store. Disgusted, Xander was about to give up and resign himself to the punishment Principal Snyder would doubtless inflict upon him for not having a costume tomorrow night, when he saw something.

( _I wonder..._ ) Xander picked up a toy that looked like a Motorola cell phone. He had an idea, based on what had been one of his favorite TV shows; well, up until it had been cancelled by the FOX network back in May anyway.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Xander was feeling pretty good as he escorted his little kids back towards the high school, having taken part in the Sunnydale High 'volunteer' safety program. He'd managed to score some free candy, and what's more he had successfully thumbed his nose at authority when Principal Snyder had demanded to know where his costume was.

"You're looking at it, Principal Snyder sir," the male Slayerette had said, holding the cell phone-like toy up to the commandant of the high school.

"What? What are you talking about, Harris?" Snyder had demanded, looking at the object in question. "What is that?"

"It's my timer, sir. I'm Quinn Mallory from the TV show, 'Sliders'," Xander had explained proudly.

"Sliders?" Snyder hadn't looked happy, getting the horrible feeling that he wouldn't be able to punish Xander for failing to obey orders after all.

"That's right, Principal Snyder. It's a show about a group of people who go from one alternate reality to another, where history turned out different in every single one of them. I mean, there was one world where the Germans won World War Two, and one where JFK decided to use an armoured car in Dallas that day, and even one where George Washington decided that tea just wasn't that expensive, after all-" Xander had really begun expounding on his theme, even if his memory of the various episodes wasn't exactly accurate.

"I get the picture!" Snyder had growled, cutting Xander off. "Just get on with it, then. Bring your group of brats back in one piece – and I won't expel you." He had then walked off, slightly steaming.

Xander was suddenly brought out of his happy memories of the recent past, by a cold wind blowing down the street. The very next moment, he was hit by a blast wave of chaos magic; as everyone who had bought something from Ethan's store became whoever and whatever they had dressed up as.

Quinn Mallory straightened up, feeling very confused. The last thing he remembered – thanks to the last time Xander had seen him on TV, at the end of season three of the show – was sliding with the woman named Maggie Beckett into an unknown world, failing to follow his friends Rembrandt Brown and Wade Welles back to Quinn's homeworld. But now Maggie was nowhere to be seen, and Quinn blinked at the timer he was holding in his hands.

( _What the hell?_ ) This looked like the timer he had originally constructed to slide between parallel worlds, via wormholes known as Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky bridges. But that particular device had been lost a long time ago. ( _Where did this come from? And where the heck am I?_ )

"Xander! Xander!" a female voice behind him said, as Mallory turned around to see someone who looked like a bordello worker running towards him. He also saw a lot of monsters chasing people around on the streets, and instantly he grew a lot more concerned.

"Sorry, are you talking to me? Uh, you must have mistaken me for someone else, miss – my name's Quinn. Quinn Mallory," the young man said hesitantly. After the last three years, he had learned never to take anything for granted; in this reality he might indeed have a double named 'Xander', for whatever reason.

"Xander, knock it off! This is no time for jokes!" Miss Rosenberg said in annoyance. "Come on, we gotta find Buffy!"

( _Who's Buffy?_ ) But before Quinn could ask that the timer started beeping, having reached its countdown to zero. Mallory immediately pressed the button, and a bluish-white whirlpool opened up in the air before them.

"Oh my God..." the Willow ghost said in complete awe. "Is that – that's a genuine Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky bridge, isn't it? You – you're really Quinn Mallory, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah. Look, Miss...whoever you are, if you know who I am – any chance you can tell me where Maggie Beckett is? I've got less than a minute before the wormhole shuts down, and I don't want to wait another 29 years to get off this world," Quinn said with a slight shrug.

"Xa – no, Quinn, please listen to me," Willow said desperately. "You're not who you think you are, do you understand? Sliders is just a TV show, it's not real! Maggie and Wade and Rembrandt and everyone else, they don't actually exist. Heck, YOU don't actually exist either! You're really my best friend Xander Harris, he dressed up as you for Halloween – and, and somehow he BECAME you! Do you understand what I'm saying? Something weird is going on!"

"Uh-huh, whatever you say," Quinn said nervously as he backed away from the ghost.

"NO! Xander, DON'T!" Willow shouted, but it was too late.

Quinn Mallory leaped into the vortex, and then it vanished before Willow's astonished eyes.

***

**Sunnydale, California, Alternate Reality**

**A moment later**

The swirling wormhole opened up in the parking lot of a motel at the south edge of town. Xander flew through and landed on his back, his head only just narrowly missing the concrete curb. "OW!" Xander yelled in pain, as he got up in time to see the wormhole close. "No, wait!" he called out, but the tunnel between worlds blinked out of existence.

"Oh, you can NOT be serious!" Harris yelled, as the memories of the last few moments came back to him. Somehow, he'd really become a character from a TV show, and somehow a make-believe device had worked. Not only could he remember Quinn Mallory's life as if he'd lived it himself, Xander had actually slid to another universe using a tricked-out cell phone.

"Wait...where is that...thing?" Harris trailed off as he saw he had landed on the timer device, shattering it. Though it wouldn't do much good now, anyway, since it looked as if it had returned to the toy it had once been before it had been destroyed.

"Now what the hell am I supposed to do?" Xander looked around and saw that he was near Main Street. "Great, I get to walk across town at night. Lucky me." Feeling glad he had the stake he always carried these days, the young man started down the long street. But during the twenty-minute walk, he started to notice things.

First, all the Halloween decorations from the various places they'd been before were gone. Also, the town that normally had an old-style Spanish style to it, now looked like it was straight out of an ancient history book. Every other building seemed to be made of, or have the face of, marble. Stone pillars decorated the fronts of many of the buildings.

After he reached the high school, Xander snuck around the back and tried his key that Giles had given him last year. "Come on, work..." When the key easily turned with a click he let out a small yelp of happiness. "Yes! At least some things are the same here. Now we just need Mirror Universe Giles to have a good 'get me back to my own universe' book or spell or whatever."

He cut through the school's courtyard and entered the building again to see no lights on in the library. "He's not here?" The teenager shrugged and went to the stacks. "Okay...if I was a book of magical 'another universe travel', where would I be?"

He started to research, and even though he didn't find the information he was after, Xander quickly learned that on this Earth, the Roman Empire had never fallen apart back in the 5th century AD. Thus, America had not been colonized by France, Spain and the UK; it was and always had been a Roman colony, ever since the 9th century. Europe, Africa, Russia, Asia and the Oceania-Pacific region were all part of the Roman Empire as well, which encompassed the entire planet.

On the plus side, the technology of this world was a lot more advanced than that of his own; these people had had over two thousand years to experiment and get it right, after all. But on the minus side, slavery still existed here; there had never been a Magna Carta or a Bill of Rights in this world. If someone was convicted of a crime and subsequently sold into slavery, or someone was poor enough and decided to sell themselves into slavery, then that was perfectly legal within the Roman Empire.

Several hours later, he was shaken awake. "I'm up!" Xander said quickly. "What the-?" Harris jumped up from the chair he was in, causing one of the books to hit the ground. "Someone called the cops?" he asked, surprised.

The police officer looked at him in surprise. "Alexander Harris?"

"Ah, maybe..." Xander said, and then he noticed something else apart from the guns which the cops were wearing on their hips. "Um, why do you guys have swords on your belts?"

The first cop looked in confusion at his partner. "Harris...what are you doing here?" The officer looked at the piled books. "Are you doing some sort of research for Senator Chase?"

"Senator Chase?" the male teen asked, amused. "Ah...yes, that's why I'm here. Big important mission for the Senator."

The second cop was puzzled. "Why would he send you to the high school library, and not the law library?"

Xander shook his head, still thinking this was all a gag. "Would you buy that I didn't ask him?"

"Let's get you back home, son," the first cop said as he ushered Xander out. "I think you might need a little more sleep."

"Oh, I can do just fine on my own..."

"No, I'm afraid I have to insist. Let's go," the cop said to him as they all left the library.

As Xander walked before them to the front door of the school, the second cop asked his partner with a low voice, "Why do you think he's wearing those...well, clothes, for want of a better word?"

"Maybe the Senator's daughter dressed him."

"Ms. Chase made him wear that?" the other cop shook his head. "No way."

***

**No. 4 Parkview Crescent, Sunnydale, Alternate Reality**

**A short while later**

"Holy crap," Xander whispered as he got out of the police cruiser. This was the same address that he knew of for his high school nemesis, but the Chase family's mansion was at least three times as large here. And they even had old...Roman-style guards at the gate.

An older guard came up to him. "Alexander? I didn't realize you'd left the grounds."

"Ah, neither did I, apparently," Harris replied in confusion, as the cops left and the large gate was opened.

"Well, Mistress Cordelia has been notified, and she's waiting for you in the bath house."

Xander suddenly lost all ability to play it cool. "MISTRESS CORDELIA!?"

"Yes..." the older guard said, unsure. Soon, they reached an old-fashioned stone building. "You know the way."

"Yeah...I do," Xander said nervously, as the guard didn't enter with him.

Now that he was alone, Xander walked slowly though the stone building; he knew it had a modern water supply at least, as he could smell the chlorine. He reached the end of the short hall and pushed open the large doors to find a massive Olympic-sized swimming pool, along with a large hot tub set into the ground. But then his attention was drawn to the right, as he heard splashing. There was a pool there much smaller than the main pool, and Xander could feel the heat coming off of it.

"About time you got here, Alex."

As he saw who spoke, and her condition, Xander suddenly lost most of his ability to speak. A few feet away, looking right at him, was a very naked Cordelia Chase swimming in the pool. "Oh dear God..."

The girl ignored his surprise. "Now what's all this I hear about you going out in that...horrible outfit...all by yourself?"

Xander didn't reply, his brain just couldn't seem able to force his mouth to form words; he just kept staring as the brunette girl swam to the ladder and then climbed out of the hot water. But after that, whatever coherent thinking Xander had been capable of before completely disappeared as he saw Cordelia's wet, naked body walk towards to him.

"Ah...what?" Harris finally choked out with a high squeak in his voice.

Cordelia just looked at him and laughed gently. She wrapped a towel around her waist, but left her chest exposed. "Since when are you so shy around me?" Miss Chase demanded as she raised her hand, lightly touching her breast. "It's not like you haven't seen – and done lots of things to – my body before."

"I whaa..." Xander fumbled out to that, he was unable to believe what he was hearing come out of this girl's mouth. The implications alone were mind-boggling, at least to his way of thinking. ( _Have, have I slid into some sort of wet dream fantasy world?_ )

Cordelia got within a few feet of him and stopped. Her face instantly lost any trace of amusement as she said, "But then you're not my Alex, now, are you?"

Suddenly Xander was grabbed from behind, a nasty-looking knife at his throat. "Hey!"

"Shut up!" he heard his own voice say from behind. "Down on your knees!" When Xander tried to look back, he got a swift kick to the back of his legs. "I said, on your knees!!" the Harris voice from behind him ordered again as Xander was forcibly shoved down to the ground.

The still-topless Cordelia smiled a nasty grin. "Now that's my Alex."

"Thank you, Mistress," the double of Xander said as he held the knife to his other self's neck.

"I..." Xander tried to say something as he saw the face of himself. "Um, listen – I think we kinda got off on the wrong foot here?"

Cordelia pulled over a plastic deck chair, and took a seat. "Really? Well, it's not my fault you're such an incompetent assassin-"

"Hey, now wait just a minute!" Xander said quickly. "I'm not an assassin! I mean search me if you want, I'm completely unarmed!"

"A spy, then?" Cordelia demanded, continuing to frown.

"No," Xander said, still looking at the blade. "Look, I don't know what you two think is going on here – but I'm not a bad guy, and I didn't come here willingly. I was in the library at school, and then the cops came in and dragged me here!"

That caused the alternate Cordelia to look at 'Alex' for a moment. "Now what would you be doing at my high school's library?" she asked.

"Looking for Giles," Xander gritted out, as the knife pressed closer. "You guys do know a Rupert Giles, right? Look, bottom line is I accidentally got hit by some stupid Hellmouth stuff, and uh, I ended up here, and now I just want to go home!"

"Hellmouth? Giles?" Cordelia said, looking upset. "You're a demon, aren't you?"

"No, no, no!" the prisoner said quickly. "I'm Xander Harris, no doubt about that! But I'm from, well – an alternate reality." He cringed a little as he said that, knowing how unbelievable it sounded even to his own ears.

"An alternate reality?" 'Alex' said in disbelief. "As in another universe, another dimension?"

Cordelia leaned back in her chair. "Say I believe you. Just for the sake of argument, say that there really is a world out there where I would actually dress you like that. Why would you come here?"

"Wait, what? Cordy...why in God's name would YOU ever decide what clothes I wore?" Xander replied in sheer incredulity, before his head was pulled back.

"Answer her question!" his double demanded.

"It was some magic thing, I don't know details!" Harris babbled quickly, the knife was now pressing right against his jugular. "I dressed up as a TV show character for Halloween that could-"

"Halloween?" Cordelia interrupted him. "What's that?"

Xander looked at her strangely. "Halloween? You know, the annual holiday where kids go trick o' treating dressed up in costumes?"

"Never heard of it."

"You...oh, right, Halloween doesn't exist in this world? Yeah, then I guess that explains where all the holiday decorations disappeared off to," Xander mused. "Okay, bear with me. The person I dressed up as was a "Slider", see, he was someone could move between different worlds thanks to a device he'd constructed. Different realities, where history turned out different in each and every one. Anyway, for some reason in my world people turned into their Halloween costumes last night, including me – I actually became Quinn Mallory, that was the Slider's name – and, uh, I used the device to come here."

Alex leaned down towards him. "Then why didn't you just use this device of yours to go back home?"

"Because it got busted right after I showed up here!" Xander told him, upset at still being held at knife-point. "I figured Giles would be able to come up with some magic way to get me home."

"That's quite a story," Cordelia said archly. "And we'll have to check it out, I suppose. But for now..."

"For now, what?" Xander asked before 'Alex' nailed him with a hard right cross. He immediately collapsed unconscious from the sheer strength of the blow.

As Xander lay on the ground, Cordelia turned to her most trusted personal slave. "What do you think?"

Alex frowned. "Well, we know that alternate realties do exist...even if getting to them is something that no one's ever been able to do, according to Professor Rayne at the Marcus Constantine Institute. And with everything we've learned about the Hellmouth over the last six months, I wouldn't put anything past this town."

"Right. Okay, I'll call Giles and have him and his Library Loser Crowd come over to check this out," Cordelia replied. "If this guy's telling the truth, then we let Giles deal with him. If he's lying...well, we'll just kill him." Here in this world the rich and powerful young woman could actually do that and get away with it, scot-free.

"Yes, Mistress," Alex said deferentially, as the slave bent down to pick up his double. "With your permission, I'll lock him up in the main dungeon."

"Good, I'll go get dressed..." Cordelia said as she trailed off.

"Mistress?"

"Oh, it's nothing," the Roman Senator's daughter told him. "I was just thinking; if what he says is true, and there really are two of you...well, by the gods, that could be fun," Cordelia said with smile, before she pinched his ass on her way out of the bath house.

***

**Hammersmith Park, Sunnydale, California**

**November 8****th****, 1997**

The swirling portal appeared behind the public restrooms for the softball fields, and out came two teenagers – a male and a female. The first to land was a very upset Cordelia Chase, daughter of Senator Chase, and she started to look around in semi-panic. "Alex! Alex!?"

The male teen she was calling for landed hard on the grass. "Ahh!!" Alex yelled in pain.

"Oh, gods!" Cordelia shrieked, as she ran over to her slave. "Alex, don't you dare die on me! That's an order!"

As he tried to stop the blood gushing from the bullet wound in his upper body, Alex tried to stay calm for her. "Yes, Mistress."

"Damn right!" Cordelia said to that. "Now where's Xander?"

"He was right behind me," Alex gritted out. "But the assassins were catching up to us fast."

"Well, he better show up. This is his damn world, if he did what he said he would," Ms. Chase said as she helped Alex up. "And we need him to-"

FOOSH, Xander was tossed out holding a metal briefcase and landed hard on the grass. "Oh man, that was close!" Harris said in relief, as he got up and watched the vortex close behind him. He adjusted the bag slung over his shoulder, and then turned and held up the case containing some gold, silver and very valuable jewels. "Think you dropped this."

"Thanks," Alex said to him simply.

Cordelia spun to face her slave's double and said urgently, "We have to get Alex to a hospital, now!"

"It's really nothing, Mistress..." Alex said feebly, as his body started to go numb from the blood loss.

"Don't lie to me Alex, not after what we just went through!" she yelled. "Xander, hospital, now!"

( _Here we go again..._ ) Burying his annoyance at being ordered around like a slave, Xander looked around to get his bearings. "Okay, Sunnydale General should be just up the street." He slid the newly created timer device into his shirt pocket, and grabbed Alex's other side. "Come on, let's go."

Minutes later, the Emergency Room doors slid open. "We need some help here!" Xander called out.

A doctor and nurse came over slowly. "What happened?" the nurse asked.

"He was shot by...uh, a gang member," Xander told them. "He's lost a lot of blood."

"What kind of 'gang'?" the doctor said carefully.

"What does that matter, you fool?!" Cordelia growled. "Just take care of his injuries!"

Xander guessed why the doctor was nervous; he looked around and found a wooden cross hanging on the wall. He ripped it off and touched it to his double's skin. When it didn't smoke or burn, he looked back up. "Happy now?"

The older man just nodded. "Get a gurney out here, stat!"

As soon as the gurney came out, Xander and Cordelia laid Alex on it. Before they left for the OR, Cordelia took the doctor by the arm. "If you know what's good for you...he had better be alright by the time you're done with him!"

Xander could swear he saw a tinge of fear on the doctor's face. "We'll do everything we can for him, miss." Then he quickly left.

"You didn't need to threaten him like that," Xander told her tiredly.

"If you say so. But after what's happened in the last twenty-four hours," Cordelia told him with a look that was deadly serious, "I don't trust anyone right now. Not even you, at least not completely."

Xander just nodded, she did have a point. "Fine, but just keep in mind that this isn't your world any longer, okay? The rules you know and live by – they don't apply here." Harris ignored the frosty look the Senator's daughter sent him, as he took the timer he'd constructed out again and checked it. "I mean as far as I can tell, we're definitely back in my little corner of the multiverse."

"Oh, joy," Cordelia said sarcastically to that. After all, the three of them had been on the run from some very bad people over the last day or so...and Cordelia had lost almost everything she had. Her wealth, her parents and even her world.

Still, now that Alex was relatively safe, she had time to recover from all that. Brave new world or otherwise, Cordelia Chase wasn't the type to stay unbalanced and distraught for too long. It just wasn't in her nature to do so.

"Yeah, well," Xander replied to her comment. "I better call Giles and let the others know that I'm back."

***

**Sunnydale General Hospital, Sunnydale, California**

**Twenty minutes later**

The Scooby Gang rushed into the main hospital lobby, causing quite a commotion before everyone quickly turned back to their own affairs. This was the Hellmouth, after all, and poking your nose into someone else's business almost always meant bad news for any and all concerned.

"Xander!" Willow exclaimed, as everyone entered the waiting room. She looked very happy as she hugged her best friend. "I thought we'd lost you forever!"

"Nah," Harris replied as he returned the hug. "Just got stuck somewhere else for a little while, Will."

"Well, don't do that again!" Buffy ordered him as she hugged him next. "I think Willow musta checked every single book Giles had..." She trailed off as she noticed Cordelia looking at her. "What?"

"You're blonde?" the regal teen asked, surprised.

"Yeah...been that way for months now," the Slayer replied in confusion. "Cordelia, what are you doing here, anyway?"

"Uh, she kind of came with me...and, well, me," Xander told the Chosen One with a funny expression on his face.

"Huh?" Willow and Buffy said in unison.

Giles looked confused as well. "I, I don't understand. Where have you been, boy? Willow said you dressed up as, as some sort of TV character th-that travelled between alternate realities?" It was obvious that the British man didn't really believe such an outlandish-sounding story.

"Yeah," Xander told him. "See, some Earths can be really similar, or they can be..." he looked to Cordelia, who just smirked for a moment. "...very different."

"You actually went to a different world?" Willow asked, amazed. "Was I there?"

Xander hesitated. "Yeaaaah," he eventually nodded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" his red-haired friend demanded.

Harris hesitated. "Well, you were kinda gay...and, and I'm pretty sure you had a girlfriend?"

Willow laughed for a second, before seeing his face. "What? Xander! You can't be serious!!"

Buffy was shocked as well, given that whole 'Xander crush' thing. "Willow, gay? No way! I mean...Willow's gay?" She looked utterly bewildered for a moment, trying to visualize it.

"So what's wrong with being a lesbian?" Cordelia asked, confused. Not that she was close friends with the former Jewish girl in her world or anything, but the attitudes of these people surprised her. "You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

Willow looked at her, having never expected to hear something like that come out of Cordelia's lips. At that moment, she wondered if this truly was the Cordelia Chase she knew. "No, it's not that, it's just-"

She was cut off when a new arrival came into the waiting room. "Alright, what's going..." Cordelia started to say, and then her eyes went wide. She had seen the Scooby Gang run through the main area of the hospital whilst visiting her friend Gwen, who was having a custom nose job done, and Miss Chase had automatically assumed the worst. "Xander? I thought you'd been killed or something! So where on earth have you been since last week?"

Xander moved aside to let the new arrival see for herself. "Cordelia Chase...meet Cordelia Chase."

Cordy stood there, stunned, as she saw herself. "What the hell have you gone and done now, you loser dork?"

"Nothing! She's you...but, uh, from another Earth," Xander told the new arrival, and then he grimaced at the sight of everyone's jaw almost hitting the floor.

"Be quiet, Xander," the Roman Cordelia ordered him as she walked past her slave's double. "I'll take it from here." She slowly circled her own double on this world. "No wrinkles, or visible split ends...clothes that look fairly expensive..."

"Excuse you!!" Cordy said angrily, stopping her. "Xander? Where the hell did you find this person!?"

Xander exhaled, two of this girl was a lot more than he was willing to take. "I already told you, she's from a parallel universe. During Halloween, after I travelled to an alternate dimension, that's where I met your...and my...double."

"Well, that explains nothing!" Cordy told him with a growl, even though Willow, Buffy and Giles finally managed to get it and started looking amazed and astonished.

"It's really very simple," the Roman Cordelia told her with authority. "On my Earth, Xander here showed up last week – and oddly enough, at first everyone mistook him for a bad attempt to imitate my personal slave, Alex."

"Personal slave?!" all three native girls asked at once.

"Yes." Cordelia grabbed her twin by the hand. "Come with me, we need to talk – in private." She started to pull her other self away, when she turned back to Xander. "Alert me the moment you know anything, will you?"

Xander just nodded as the two Cordy's left the room. "No problem!" he then called out in annoyance.

Buffy grabbed his arm and ordered him in no uncertain terms, "Explain, now!"

***

**Hospital Cafeteria, Sunnydale, California**

**A few minutes later**

Both Cordelia's were seated within an empty booth in the cafeteria, and everyone who'd seen them had assumed that they were sisters if not twins. But that wasn't the case; there were few sisterly feelings between these two yet. Two versions of Cordelia Chase, with the same ego and the same attitude and the same alpha female mentality, couldn't and didn't get along just like that.

The Cordelia who belong to this reality started demanding answers, and so after the obligatory glaring contest the Roman version of Miss Chase had filled the other girl in the back story of her world. Everything from Marcie Ross attacking her during sophomore year (before Alex had slit her throat), to Jesse McNally making a fool of himself attempting to court her this year (before he'd finally moved onto the Roman version of Harmony Kendall).

"Jesse's still alive, where you come from?" Cordelia asked about the guy who the Powers had selected in that world to take Xander's place, in the cosmic scheme of things. "Unbelievable."

"Not half as unbelievable as the fact that I'm sitting here talking to you about it," the Senator's daughter pointed out simply.

"Yeah, I guess. And just between us, I have seen the TV show," Cordy admitted. "Jerry O'Connell used to look kinda hot to me...but seriously, stuff like that really exists?"

Actually it wasn't that hard for the society princess to believe; she knew that a lot of people had been turned into their costumes during Halloween, and the female teen had had her own adventure with Buffy, Willow and Angel that night. "No, never mind that right now, what I want to know about is this personal slave business. You're a slave-owner?"

"Slavery's legal in my world, so don't judge until you've gotten all the facts," Cordelia told her defensively. Then she sighed. "Still, it doesn't matter anymore; I've lost everything now. And as for the personal slave thing, all my life...well, let's just say my parents were never really what you might call 'available' to me."

"I know the feeling," Cordy said in agreement, as these two at last began to find common ground.

"I suppose they figured I need more than just a nanny," Cordelia started her story. "I was roughly five years old when they bought a few new slaves for the estate. One of them was Alex...or Xander, as you call him."

"They BOUGHT him?" Cordy asked in amazement. "But, but what about Xander's parents?"

"Abusive drunks who got arrested, processed through the courts and then auctioned off at the local slave dealership, from what I've heard," the other girl told her. "My nanny pretty much raised both of us...even though we were forced never to forget that Alex was a slave. My father had him trained in many forms of combat and, uh, other less-than-pleasant things. All for one goal; to keep me safe."

"Because you lived on a Hellmouth?" the native Cordelia jumped to conclusions.

"No," was the Roman Cordelia's answer. "My father was a high-ranking Senator, even though we lived in Sunnydale he commuted to Italy every day – it only takes around two hours or so, in my world. Anyway, someone like that inevitably makes a lot of enemies. And it's not exactly uncommon for the families of men like that to be targeted, so I was to be protected whenever the parents were away in Rome."

"My God," Cordy whispered. "People tried to kidnap you?"

"Kidnap? Try kill...or rape," the Roman female said with a nasty look. "It all depended on how much they hated my father." Despite her double's expression she kept going, "Alex and I grew up together, we saw each other every single day. It's impossible for me to remember a time now when he wasn't part of my life, actually. We grew close during the first few years, and on my 13th birthday, Alex was given to me as my own personal slave. He became my best friend, my confidante, my bodyguard...not to mention my first."

"Your first?" Cordy asked in confusion. "Your first wha – oh my GOD!!" the young woman yelped in shock. "You mean, as in – SEX?"

"As in everything," her Roman counterpart replied. "First kiss, first grope, and the first man to ever go south and get hungry six months ago. All those amazing things he can do with his tongue – well, who else would I have ever chosen to lose my virginity to? Not only is he incredible in bed, Alex is closer to me than my parents are...or were."

"Were?" Cordy asked, her head spinning at all the shocking information she had just heard. The mere concept of someone with her face and DNA coupling with Xander freaking Harris was almost enough to completely blow her mind, after all.

"My family's dead now," the Roman Cordelia told her bluntly. "My parents were killed aboard that hypersonic plane, on their way back from Rome – it was all over the news. Then the assassins struck at the mansion; all our guards, slaves, servants...I'm sure that everyone on the estate was butchered, apart from me, Alex and Xander. We almost didn't escape, Alex was shot...and that was not fun to witness."

The female Slider exhaled. "And it didn't end there, I'm sure; my entire family must have been murdered by now, it's standard procedure when executing an assassination plan like that. Aunts, uncles, cousins, occasionally even friends and allies – in order to make sure that no one will come after you later for revenge. So, what with our home burning down all around us, Alex and I knew it was either come here – or else go on the run in my world, like, forever."

Cordy reached out and laid her hand over her double's. Despite the bitchy exterior, she did have a heart and the Roman Cordelia's story had made her stomach churn in horror. "I'm sorry. I have no idea what it would be like to try to cope with something that horrible."

"Personally, I hope you never do," her double told her before she wiped away a stray tear. "Anyway, Xander mentioned to me and Alex that you two aren't a couple here – and I can see for myself, now, that he wasn't telling lies. But despite all the differences between them, it's obvious that deep down, Xander and Alex share the same nature – so why haven't you had sex with him yet?"

Cordy yanked her hand back in surprise. "I really can be that tactless, huh?"

The other Cordelia Chase just shrugged, amused. "Don't let opportunity pass you by, or you'll be sorry – take it from someone who's learned that lesson in life. The odds are you'll regret it if you let your version of Alex slip through your fingers!"

***

**Hammersmith Park, Sunnydale, California**

**January 17****th****, 1998**

For quite some time, things had been rather tense on the Hellmouth.

Alex had been released from the hospital after the surgery which had saved his life, thankfully the bullet had not done too much damage and he would make a full recovery. With his arm in a sling, 'Alex' Harris and his version of Cordelia Chase had then started studying their new world and its customs, in order to integrate as soon as possible.

A lot of what they'd learned had shocked them, especially the decline and fall of the Roman Empire and just how primitive the technology around here was, but the young couple was nothing if not adaptable and so they'd decided to just make the best of it.

After cashing in some of the gems in the case Xander had brought with him that night, the pair had left Sunnydale to create a new life for themselves. Because those two couldn't stay in Sunnydale, for obvious reasons. The Roman Cordelia had promised to let her counterpart know where she and her future husband would eventually settle down, and to invite her and Xander to the wedding once their fake identities had been set up properly.

Granted, THAT had weirded out the native Miss Chase completely. But as the old saying goes, out of sight is out of mind, and plenty of other things had happened within the last two months in order to distract the Scooby Gang from thoughts of those two refugees from a parallel universe.

Kendra the vampire Slayer; the Order of Taraka; the Ted Buchanan robot; the vampiric Gorch brothers; and the Bezoar demons, to name just a few.

Right now, though, Xander was sitting by himself at one of the park's picnic tables, making the final adjustments to his timer device. Xander still had all of Quinn Mallory's memories in his head; he knew all about cosmic string theory and the equations for a solution to unified field theory, and the Roman Giles had performed a mental augmentation spell on him to help the young man retain his spell-induced Halloween memories – so that Harris could recreate what he needed to return home, given that there had been no magical way to do it.

That spell had also come in very useful over the course of the last two months, because it certainly hadn't been easy for Xander to reset the homeworld co-ordinates of the timer from the Roman Empire world to this one. The young man had no desire to ever go back to that reality again, even if the rest of the multi-dimensional infinity of the universe was calling to him with its siren song.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Harris started as Cordy's voice interrupted his concentration. "Don't do that! This is delicate work."

Cordy ignored that completely. A few seconds later she asked, "So, are you done yet?"

"Just about," Harris mused. He made a few final adjustments before he said, "Okay, that's it – I'm finished. Any and all Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky bridges I create from now on will return me here, instead of that other world. By jove, I think he's got it!" Xander crowed happily in a lousy British accent.

"So, have you given any consideration to my idea of patenting that Slider stuff?" Cordelia asked, sitting directly in front of Xander on the picnic table top. "I mean, once it gets mass-produced...you'd end up one of the richest and most powerful men on the planet!"

"Cordelia," Xander shook his head. "I'm not interested in becoming the next Bill Gates, and there is no way in hell I'll ever be able to trust the government – ANY government – with that sort of power. I know all those memories are fakes, but Quinn Mallory saw exactly how Sliding technology can be abused; and I am NOT going to take the risk of our world getting invaded by someone like the Kromaggs!"

"Well, when you put it that way..." Cordy shrugged. "Okay, fine. But you can't fool me, Harris, I know you were planning to go explore other worlds once you got that doohickie thing of yours working properly. So I'm coming with."

"You're what now?" the male teen demanded.

"I'm coming with you. It could be fun," she told him with her trademark megawatt smile.

"Fun? Are you out of your mind? The last time I did this, I was stuck in Roman Empire World for a week – and I almost got assassinated as well!!" Xander said in exasperation.

"So, then, why are you planning to do it again now?" Cordelia asked with an unwelcome dose of logic. "If it's as dangerous as you say, then why not just destroy that timer thing and be done with it?"

"It's not like Willow and Buffy haven't tried to convince me to do exactly that, meeting that other Cordelia really freaked them out back then. Especially that stuff she mentioned about Willow being gay, and Buffy staking Dead Boy after he lost his soul," Xander told her. "But I'll tell you the same thing I told them. And that is, NO ONE can give me orders about something like this. Whether they like it or not, whether they accept it or not, I'M the expert on this sort of thing!"

"Look, Xander, I know the risks. But think about it, what if you get hurt? Or shot? Or stabbed? Wouldn't it make sense to have at least one other person there with you, in order to help out if things go completely south?" Cordelia hadn't forgotten her counterpart's advice to claim Xander for herself or else lose out on the most amazing orgasms in existence, and she didn't want him to die anytime soon.

Harris looked at her in annoyance. "I wanna know why you really want to come along, and don't try to feed me that 'fun' line again."

"After," she promised him. "Now hit whatever buttons you need to, and let's go!"

Xander sighed, he knew it was insane and idiotic but nonetheless it was also pointless to keep arguing with her about this. Cordelia could and would make Willow and Buffy's lives hell at school in order to retaliate against him, if she put her mind to it. So he said, "Fine...but you follow my lead at all times or I'll make you regret it, understood? Even one hint of attitude, and you'll be sorry!!"

She got up and gave him a fake military salute. "Yes sir, Captain Xander, sir!"

Harris groaned, and then he stood up too as he hit the last button to activate the timer. As they watched, a visible stream of energy came out of the device and where it stopped in the air, a huge blue swirling hole in the fabric of space and time appeared. "Just jump in...and I'm warning you, the landing isn't gonna be fun."

As Cordy watched the vortex in awe, she turned to Xander. "That reminds me, my double said something interesting about you before she and her Xander left town!" Miss Chase had to yell in order to be heard over the intense wind.

"Yeah, what's that?" Xander called out.

"That you're a great lay!!" Cordy shouted back.

Harris looked at her, stunned, as the female teen smirked and jumped into the vortex, vanishing from sight. ( _Did she honestly just say that to me? Oh my God, is Cordy actually INTERESTED in me? I never once thought she'd want to follow in that other Cordelia's footsteps!_ )

"I swear, if she says the word 'slave' even once..." Xander griped as he jumped through the wormhole as well.

Less than a minute later, the swirling vortex vanished from sight...

...as somewhere in another universe, Xander and Cordelia started running for their lives from a couple of angry Chumash Indians, in what could best be described as Wild West World.

***

Next: Story 6 - Out Of This World


	6. Out Of This World

**Date written**: Tue 6 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback, 'tis most appreciated. Especially for the previous fanfic!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 6: Out Of This World

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

As the young man came up to the front counter carrying a toy gun, Ethan Rayne beamed at him in delight after checking a list of names on the counter. "Congratulations, you are my one hundredth customer here today!"

Xander Harris blinked, putting the toy on the counter. "Okay..." he said uncertainly, not quite sure what to do with that.

"No, you, you don't understand. As my one hundredth customer, you get a special discount offer. Anything you want from my store, it's yours for only one dollar!" Ethan said enthusiastically.

"Really? Wow, mister, thanks!" the high school student said gratefully. "Um, let me see...what's the best thing you've got?"

Rayne led the young man to a corner of the store. "How about this?"

Xander frowned at the costume, it looked like something from out of a cheap 1950's movie. "A space suit?"

"It's not just a 'space suit'. This is a copy of one of the most celebrated costumes of all time!" Ethan said pompously, even if his words were true enough. "In 1951, you see, this outfit was considered very prominent, with regard to one of the most famous films ever produced."

Xander shrugged, he'd never been that big a fan of anything but cowboy movies; and Clint Eastwood hadn't started making those spaghetti Westerns of his until the 1960's. "Well, I saw a rerun of The Honeymooners last night where Ralph dressed up as a man from space, so, um, why not?"

( _Bloody uncouth Americans,_ ) Ethan sneered to himself, but without letting any sign of his disdain show on the surface. "Very good, you've made a wise choice. Now I'll just wrap this up for you, and that'll be one dollar."

As Xander handed over the money and took the costume, Ethan couldn't help sniggering to himself. ( _Wonder how this'll turn out tomorrow night?_ ) the chaos worshipper asked himself with a silent laugh.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

The entity known only as Klaatu looked around in confusion, as he became self-aware and the consciousness of Xander Harris was pushed far, far away into the background.

The human-looking alien representing a group of extraterrestrial civilizations did not know where he was at first, but then he quickly realized that he was standing in the middle of a street within the United States. He and his companion Gort had spent enough time there amongst its people for him to be fairly certain of that. The houses looked somewhat odd to his eyes, but then that thought was quickly put aside when he saw some humans being chased by what looked like assorted creatures from human mythology.

( _Gort. Gort, where are you?_ ) Klaatu attempted to make mental contact with the automaton, one of the numberless robots created by the peoples of the universe in order to 'preserve the peace'. Unfortunately, there was no reply; and so, for the first time in a long while, Klaatu became very worried. He knew that it should have been impossible for Gort to be harmed or overcome by any power the earthlings had at their possession.

"Xander? Xander!" Klaatu turned around to see a red-haired young woman running towards him.

"You are not actually there," the alien said to her with some mild surprise, his extraterrestrial senses were easily able to distinguish between solids and holograms. "What are you? A projection of some sort?"

"What? Xander, it's me, Willow!" Miss Rosenberg said at once. "And hey, how did you already know that I was a ghost?"

"A ghost?" Klaatu raised an eyebrow. "No, never mind that for now. Permit me to introduce myself: my name is Klaatu. It is a pleasure to meet you, Willow, even though..." the alien humanoid looked around again, "...the circumstances of our meeting appear not to be the greatest, right at the moment."

Willow's eyes went wide. "Are you...no, you couldn't be. You're, you're just kidding me right, Xander? I mean, you can't actually be an alien from another planet?!"

"You know what I am? And who is 'Xander'?" Klaatu inquired as he took off his helmet, but just then a monster appeared across the street, growling. The alien noticed it approach, so he squatted down on his haunches and slammed his palm down onto the surface of the street.

Reality itself seemed to ripple in a direct line straight towards the demon, which became very distressed and ran off yelping.

"Oh my God," Willow gasped. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! How did you-? Oh no, Xander, you really ARE him?" Then the ghost saw Buffy the vampire Slayer not far away, possessed by the persona of an 18th century noblewoman. "Buffy?"

The spectral entity quickly ran over to her best friend, as a frowning Klaatu followed her. "Buffy! Are you okay?" Miss Rosenberg asked.

"Buffy?" the noblewoman asked in confusion.

Willow turned to Klaatu, "We're in trouble. She's not Buffy anymore!"

Klaatu tried but failed to understand what was going on. "Who is this 'Buffy' you refer to?"

"Oh, this is gonna be fun," the Willow ghost groaned to herself. "What year is it?" she then asked the noblewoman.

"1775, I believe." The possessed Miss Summers was confused and hyperventilating, staring at both her companions with uncertain dismay. "I-I don't understand. Who are you people?"

"I am Klaatu, and this is Willow," the male part of the question said politely, even though in his mind the year was 1951. "We mean you no harm."

"Yeah, we're friends," Willow tried to be as reassuring as possible.

"But, but y-your dress...everything is so strange! How did I come to be here?" the noblewoman asked, still trying to get it.

"A good question," Klaatu nodded. "You obviously do not belong here..." Then he spied a car coming, and he instantly knew something was very wrong. The basic design was the same, but the humans hadn't advanced their technology this far when last he'd checked. "And it appears, perhaps, that neither do I."

"A DEMON! A DEMON!" Lady Buffy screamed as soon as she saw the vehicle, scrambling to hide behind Klaatu.

"No, that is merely a vehicle used to transport human beings here and there, a 'horseless carriage' if you will," Klaatu said with that same calm tone, recalling what the primitive humans of that era would have called them. "You need not be afraid, it will not harm you."

"We need to get off the streets," Willow decided, as Lady Buffy calmed down a little. "I know, Buffy's house. You two, follow me!" Willow went to grab Buffy's arm, forgetting that she was incorporeal now and so her hand passed straight through the noblewoman's.

"A GHOST!" Lady Buffy screamed in horror, before fainting dead away.

Klaatu quickly gathered her up in his arms, as soon as he put his helmet back on. "Lead the way, Willow."

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**Not long afterwards**

Klaatu was adding up all the evidence presented to him by this body's eyes and ears, and he did not like the conclusions he was drawing. He didn't like them at all.

After he, Willow and the noblewoman tentatively identified as 'Buffy' had arrived here, the spaceman had finally noticed that he wasn't within the humanoid body he'd been occupying up until a few minutes ago. The face was different, younger, barely more than that of a child. Willow's insistence that he was in actual fact her friend, a young man named Xander Harris, was backed up by a photograph in the house showing Willow, Buffy and the young man in question posing together.

Not only that, but when he had rescued another human female from upcoming death at the hands of one of the monsters, she too had called him 'Xander'.

( _Can it truly be that I am not in fact who I think I am? That Gort and the galactic alliance do not exist either? I will have to make further inquiries of my own, soon..._ ) Klaatu ruminated silently.

"What the hell's going on around here?" the brunette demanded, who Klaatu had just learned was named Cordelia Chase. "I was just attacked by Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy. And look at my costume! Do you really think that Partytown is gonna give me my deposit back, with it all shredded like this? Not damn likely!"

"Cordelia..." Willow looked like she had a headache, even if that wasn't possible since her head wasn't actually present. "Look, a lot's going on, and I don't have all the answers. I, I need to go get some help, talk to Giles about this..."

"Who is this Giles person?" Klaatu wanted to know at once.

"What the heck's that about? The dork doesn't know who the boring librarian is anymore?" Cordelia said in confusion.

The headache instantly felt worse. In fact Willow was reminded of that terrible occasion when she and Cordelia had been stuck in a broom closet for ages, during Parent-Teacher Night at the school. "I-it's like amnesia, okay? Xander doesn't know who he really is right now. Just sit tight, I'll be back as soon as I can once I get to the library..."

"Wait. I wish to accompany you," Klaatu spoke up, even as Lady Buffy whimpered at the thought of being left defenceless and alone. "I have many questions regarding what has happened tonight, and a library would appear to be the most suitable place within which to begin looking for answers."

"Well, THAT didn't sound like Xander," Cordelia said in amazement. "When did the doofus here get so deep?"

"Doofus?" Klaatu and Lady Buffy both asked at the same time.

"Never mind," Willow moaned. "Look, Xa- I mean, Klaatu. I really don't think that's a good idea-"

"Why not? I am perfectly capable of defending myself to whatever degree is necessary, here on this planet," the alien interrupted calmly and confidently.

"Well, uh, you need to stay here and look after Cordy and Buffy, right?" Willow didn't know why she was so reluctant to let Klaatu come along, but for some reason she just felt strongly that he shouldn't.

"Hey, the day I need Xander Harris to look after me is the day that I'm broke and living on welfare!" Cordelia declared scornfully.

At that moment, the vampire with a soul known as Angel came in via the kitchen. "Oh, good! You guys are alright. It's total chaos out there..."

"Who are you, good sir?" Lady Buffy asked in confusion.

"Angel! I'm so glad you're here," Willow said in obvious relief before the vampire could answer that. "Uh, we got problems, and I really gotta go. Xander and Buffy have been possessed by their Halloween costumes, Cordelia's hasn't, and uh, g'bye!"

"Willow, wait!" the vampire commanded, just as the ghost was about to depart through the wall. "What are you talking about? And where do you think you're going?"

"To find Giles at the high school, he'll get to the bottom of this I'm sure!" the ghost said determinedly, before she vanished.

"Great," Cordelia threw her arms up in the air. "Just when I thought the weirdness couldn't possibly get any worse..."

Klaatu ignored her, as he walked up to Angel and studied him carefully. "What are you?" the alien asked simply. "I can tell that you're not alive, but you're not a dead body either..."

"I'm a vampire," Angel said guardedly, for some reason the young man in the absurd-looking spacesuit was making his inner demon howl and gibber in fear. "You don't remember that, I take it?"

"A vampire...I remember briefly studying the legends," Klaatu mused. "And that would explain why I can sense that, within you, there exists a being whose heart knows only darkness and evil."

"You mean, Angel really IS a vampire? I thought the freak and the nerd were just trying to warn me off about him in the bathroom earlier today!" Cordelia exclaimed, as Lady Buffy started to cling to her arm in fear. She turned to the noblewoman and snapped, "Do you mind?!"

Both Klaatu and Angel ignored the interruption, even as Lady Buffy let go. "Are you content, being what you are?" the alien asked.

"No," Angel replied in that same guarded fashion. He didn't know why, but in Klaatu's presence he felt compelled to explain everything. "You see, when you become a vampire, the demon takes your body but not your soul; Angelus walked the earth for over a century that way, wreaking havoc and killing pretty much everyone who tried to stop him. But after those gypsies cursed him and restored my soul, all the crimes that he committed for 150 years...all the sadistic glee he felt over the murders and everything else...well, I have to live with that nightmare. It's as if I did it all myself, even though I guess you could argue otherwise..."

Stripping off his gloves, with inhuman strength Klaatu grabbed hold of Angel by the neck with one hand and a porcelain lamp with the other. Immediately the light globe started flickering on and off as the ensouled vampire groaned, going in and out of his demon face.

Cordelia yelped and jumped back, "GROSS!"

The vampire just kept growling and moaning, as Lady Buffy fainted again. Everyone else ignored her as Angel jerked around for a few more moments, before he was encapsulated by white light and then a fine dust exploded into the air. Angel subsequently collapsed down to the floor, choking and heaving.

Angel put a hand to his chest, his eyes growing wide with disbelief as he got back up on his knees. Then he got up and said, "My heart...it's beating! I'm breathing, I'm...I'm ALIVE! How did you-?"

"You wouldn't understand," Klaatu assured him, as he put his gloves back on and then placed his helmet back on his head. "I must leave you all now, however, for I have my own path to follow from this point on."

So saying, he walked to the front door and exited the house, Angel making sure to lock it behind him. Cordelia snorted, "Sure, just run off like that, Xander, faboo!" Then she smiled flirtatiously at Angel. "So, you're human now? Are you free for a coffee at the Espresso Pump tomorrow night?"

***

**Sunnydale High, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Buffy, Angel and Giles all headed towards the library together, the Slayer having such a huge smile on her face that she was almost in danger of her head falling off. She was hanging off Angel's arm as Buffy said, "Once we find Xander, I tell you, I am SO gonna give him a huge thank-you for what he did last night!"

"Well, it-it wasn't actually him, it was that...Klaatu guy," Angel said slowly, still finding it hard to believe that he was human again now. This morning he had seen the sun for the first time in nearly 250 years, and he was still reeling from that experience.

"Yes, it's, it's amazing, certainly," Giles nodded. "But we need to talk to Xander straightaway, and find out more about what exactly happened during that chaos spell last night. Buffy, are you sure he didn't do anything to you as well?"

"Positive." The Chosen One made a face, grimacing at how weak and helpless the noblewoman persona had been last night. "Cordelia told me how after I fainted, Xander just left. And when I woke up, Angel was human!" The schoolgirl sent another dazzling smile to her boyfriend, feeling happier than she'd been in a very long time.

They finally arrived at the library, and as soon as they went inside they saw Xander staring out a window, looking lost in thought. "XANDER! Thank you for everything you did last night!" Buffy immediately rushed over to her friend and gave him a big hug.

"Ow! Watch it, Buffy; Slayer strength, remember?" Harris grunted in pain.

"OH! Sorry," Miss Summers let go, even if the big dumb grin never left her face.

"Ah, Xander. I, I have quite a few questions to ask you-" Giles began to say.

But then he was cut off as Harris said, "Guys, we've got a big problem."

"What problem?" Angel asked in concern.

"We'll get to that. But first off, I want you to know that I can still remember everything from last night," Xander said slowly. "I, I can't do any of the things that Klaatu could anymore, like making a vampire human, but...but all the knowledge is still there. Just about everything he knew, I know."

"And that's a problem?" Buffy didn't get it. "I mean, that whole 'knowledge is power' dealie..."

"Listen to me, Buffy," Xander interrupted. "Last night, Klaatu managed to find a computer and get on the Internet after he left your house. He was kinda surprised to find out that such a thing actually existed, actually, since he was so used to thinking of humans as what they were during the 1950's; but still, it was like child's play for him to use it to get on-line and tap into...well, everything. Klaatu could have easily launched every nuclear missile on the planet and wiped out the human race, if he'd wanted to. And the worst part is, he almost did."

"WHAT?" Buffy, Angel and Giles all said together.

"But, but why would he do that?" the ex-vampire demanded.

"Yeah, I thought he was supposed to be a good guy!" Miss Summers added vehemently.

"He was," Xander replied flatly. "Klaatu was a friend to the Earth, that's why he held off on dropping the bomb all over the world. But he did that out of a desire not to harm the planet, not for humanity's sake. Because as far as that guy was concerned, we're a completely lost cause. In fact – just before the spell ended, Klaatu was pissed enough to think that humanity can go to hell and stay there for the rest of eternity."

"But why?" Giles asked in honest perplexity.

"You really have to ask that, Giles?" Xander turned to stare at him. "Because we both know just how low the human species can really sink, right? Do you know what the statistics are for the number of killers, rapists and slave-traffickers ever since 1951? How many wars we've fought? How much starvation there is in this world? How many people have turned to drugs, just in order to try to cope? Klaatu was horrified to learn what we've done to ourselves, as well as to the planet."

"The planet? What's that supposed to mean?" Angel asked at once.

"Climate change. Global warming. It'll be here in less than a decade, the way things are going," Xander said grimly. "Never mind some demon opening the Hellmouth, in less than a century human beings won't have air fit to breathe or water to drink anymore."

"Oh, come on, Xander, that's ridiculous-" Buffy started to say dismissively.

"Why, just 'cause you think so?" Harris interrupted her harshly, startling the Slayer. "Buffy, the scientists have been screaming warnings about that sort of thing ever since the hole in the ozone layer showed up, over ten years ago. But no one wants to hear it, and it's just not...politically sensible to draw any attention to it," Xander finished up with a look of disgust on his face. "Anyway, Klaatu figured that once the polar ice caps have melted enough and the carbon dioxide levels reach critical mass, we'll end up with a runaway greenhouse effect. And when that happens, this planet and everything on it will be roasted alive."

"What?" Giles stammered, as his Slayer looked utterly shocked. "But, but..."

"What can we do to stop it?" Angel demanded of Xander.

"You mean apart from genocide? Damned if I know," Harris scratched his head, the male teen looking at a loss over what to do. "There is one thing, I guess, but the spell ended before Klaatu could do it, and since I don't have the power to do something like that anymore..."

"Do something like what?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Doesn't matter," Xander sighed. "Besides, it would have been...there would have been a lot of, uh, collateral damage, I guess you could call it. It would have killed a lot of the plants even if it would have saved the greenhouse, so to speak."

"For heaven's sake, Xander, y-you're talking in riddles," Giles said with some exasperation. "Explain yourself clearly, please."

So Xander did.

***

**Sunnydale Mall, Sunnydale, California**

**January 20****th****, 1998**

The big blue demon known as the Judge growled, as he saw the pitiful band of armed humans heading towards him. He had been reassembled just last night, under different circumstances than what might have been – given that Angel was no longer a vampire. Thus it wasn't Angelus who was at his side, but rather the insane vampiress named Drusilla.

"Oh, look! Here comes my kitten!" Drusilla clapped happily, as she spied Xander amongst the group. "Please, pet, kill 'im first? Then my daddy who's not my daddy no more, and the nasty Slayer as well?"

The Judge just grunted, and raised his right hand. A lightning bolt flashed out and connected with the Zeppo of the group, as Buffy, Angel, Giles, Willow and Cordelia dove out of the way. But then, something went wrong – and the Judge started to panic.

"This cannot be," Big Blue muttered to himself, as he started to feel pain. ( _No weapon forged by man can hurt me!_ )

The Judge decided to turn up the juice higher, and burn his victim to ashes. But that proved to be the demon's undoing, as the remnants of Klaatu from the Halloween possession rose to the surface; and the alien decided to finish what he'd started on Halloween night.

A luminous white light erupted out of Xander's body, flooding the area and blinding everyone with its unearthly brilliance. Screaming, the Judge exploded as the feedback vaporized both him and a number of bystanders also hit by the explosion, as they stumbled around in the sea of light.

When the white light faded, everyone was surprised to see that the mall was in complete darkness, the electricity was no longer working. Nothing seemed to be functional; not even digital wristwatches were working anymore. The entire neighbourhood was in darkness – as was the rest of the country, and indeed that entire half of the planet.

In the coming days the Scooby Gang would learn how technology had basically been switched off completely, and that human beings had been plunged into a new Dark Age. That tens of thousands had died during Ground Zero, either in traffic accidents or in non-functional hospital wards or whatever. That it would be a terrible struggle to survive from now on, and that countless millions would die from being unable to adapt in time.

Modern society would utterly disintegrate and human beings had to learn how to live under the most primitive of conditions, all over again.

But on the plus side, with humanity no longer able to destroy its own planet with its unsustainable habits, the Earth most likely now had a future to look forward to – at least, as long as Buffy kept the Hellmouth secure.

***

Next: Story 7 - The Xanchurian Candidate


	7. The Xanchurian Candidate

**Date written**: Wed 7 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** More than one person has mentioned to me that in the previous story, Klaatu acted out of character based on his actions during the 1951 movie. I will freely admit I was a bit iffy about including certain material in the fanfic that I got from the "The Day The Earth Stood Still" novel by Arthur Tofte (© 1976, Scholastic Book Services, NY) that was replicated in the 2007 movie; I thought it would work, given Klaatu's character in the book and films, but obviously I was wrong. Mea culpa, mea culpa! Anyway, onto this story which was the result of reading the fanfic known as "The Manchurian Slayer" many years ago, I don't remember the name of the author but if you're reading this, thank you for the inspiration to write my own version of the concept. Thanks also to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback on this story series so far, I seriously appreciate it!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 7: The Xanchurian Candidate

**Somewhere in a higher dimension**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

At one time the entity known as Janus had been the god of gates, doors, beginnings and endings. In ancient Rome he had been worshipped at the beginning of the harvest, at marriages, at births, etc. etc. This was due to the fact that with his two heads seeing into the past and the future, the humans had often attempted to curry his favour for the brief time that their lives lasted upon the mortal plane.

Ever since 2000 years ago though, Janus had extended his 'portfolio' so to speak. Primarily, he was now the patron of the division of self. Male and female, light and dark, yin and yang. The deity had relatively few worshippers in this modern age, but tonight he could feel one of his high priests performing some propitiatory rituals in order to invoke chaos and disarray upon the living earth.

Intrigued, Janus looked forward in time a little with one of his two heads and saw a mortal creature that attracted his interest. An avatar of chaos, almost, the male human was a destroyer of prophecy and would become an army soldier the very next night, when the high priest's spell was put into effect. Looking further into the future, as well as the past, Janus was amused by the mortal's odd notions regarding free will...

And so, the god decided to mess around with the human's destiny a little.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

At the same time that Janus' high priest, the chaos mage named Ethan Rayne, was preparing to cast his spell and turn everyone into whoever they had dressed up as, Xander was walking down the sidewalk with his band of sugar-hyped little kids. The young man thought, ( _Jeez, but the Hellmouth is turning people into complete misers these days. I can't believe Mrs. Davis gave the rug rats nothing but toothbrushes, and me a deck of playing cards!_ )

The Slayerette idly took the pack of cards out of his pocket, and flipped open the box. The card on top of the deck was the red Queen of Diamonds...

And at that moment, Ethan's spell hit everyone in town like a tidal wave.

Under other circumstances, Xander would have become a generic soldier, a Vietnam War veteran fresh out of the jungle basin at To Noc Wah. But now, thanks to Janus' interference with Xander's destiny, he became – someone else.

Sergeant First Class Raymond Shaw blinked, then he quickly put the Queen of Diamonds back into the pack and shoved the box of cards into his pocket. He subsequently aimed his weapon around at the hostiles in his vicinity, only to have his jaw drop down in surprise when he noticed child-sized monsters instead of North Koreans or Red Chinese soldiers.

Shaw shouldered his rifle, scanning for a target, when he saw a young teenage girl running in his direction and shouting, "Xander! Xander!"

"Who the hell are you?!" the U.S. army sergeant demanded, which caused the female teen to come to a screeching halt at the sight of the huge gun being pointed directly in her face.

"It's me, Willow!" the scantily-dressed redhead said at once.

"I don't know anyone named Willow. Now where on God's green earth am I?" Shaw wanted to know. This place looked vaguely like the United States, which to his mind was quite plainly impossible.

"What? Xander, quit messing around. This is no time for jokes!" Miss Rosenberg said scoldingly.

"Do I look like I'm joking to you, Jo-san?" Shaw used the slang word for a Korean whore.

"Joe who?" Willow asked before shaking her head, dismissing it as irrelevant. "Xander, do you really not know me?"

"The name's Shaw. Raymond Shaw, Sergeant, U.S. Army," the soldier identified himself, as the night's adventures began for the founding members of the so-called Scooby Gang.

***

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Xander sat upon his bed, playing with the deck of cards and thinking about all the fun antics with regard to the previous night. He held the Queen of Diamonds card up to his face, and let his mind recall everything about the warrior he'd been turned into for a few hours.

Xander could remember an infantry patrol near the front lines which had turned into a complete nightmare for Shaw and his platoon, during the height of the Korean War. He could remember shooting and killing the enemy, trying to save his men and his captain from the guns of the North Korean infantry. Xander could remember Shaw's agony over being unable to save two members of his unit, and his pride at being nominated for the Congressional Medal of Honour by his C.O., Captain Ben Marco.

It was too bad for Xander that he had never read the book or watched the film known as 'The Manchurian Candidate', which had come out in 1962. If he had, he would have known that all those memories were fakes, the result of Communist brainwashing. He would have known that far from being the 'kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life', Ray Shaw had been a cold, sad, and unsociable loner.

Harris would also have known that Shaw had been brainwashed to go into a hypnotic state with a subconscious trigger, one that made him obey orders without question and with no memory afterwards of his actions.

Xander might also have been able to guess that that trigger was now firmly buried in his own psyche, just awaiting the right code phrase to be activated.

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**September 28****th****, 1998**

The nightclub was packed as people laughed, mingled and enjoyed themselves that night. Xander Harris was not amongst them, though.

He just wandered about fairly aimlessly, keeping one eye on the group consisting of Willow, Oz, Angel and Buffy and the other on the lookout for enemy vampires. He knew that the Slayage crowd was wishing he would join them, but the young man was sick and tired of being the fifth wheel amongst the two couples and preferred to stay away, at least for tonight.

It had all started last year, after being possessed by the ghost of Sergeant Raymond Shaw. The nightmares had made Xander defensive and irritable, even if Shaw's knowledge and instincts had occasionally come in handy for the Scooby Gang's activities. But there had been other consequences apart from that; much to the displeasure of a fallen Power That Be, last November Harris had simply hot-wired Giles' car in order to look for Buffy after the Order of Taraka had come to town to kill her.

Instead of getting involved with the girl named Cordelia Chase, in more than one sense of the word.

"Check out Slut-O-Rama and her Disco Dave," Xander heard Queen C say to her group of sycophants and followers, as he turned around to where the brunette cheerleader was indicating. "What was the last thing that guy danced to, K.C. and the Sunshine Band?"

Xander frowned, as the harpy of his existence had a point for once. The girl's dance style was fairly contemporary, but the guy was dancing way too fast for the music, with an unmistakable 1970's disco influence. His suspicions aroused, Harris noticed the pale skin and thought to himself, ( _Oh yeah, could be that guy doesn't thrive on sunshine..._ )

Xander then saw the girl gesture to the guy that they should go outside. After saying goodbye to a friend of his, Disco Dave quickly escorted her out of the establishment. Momentarily wondering whether or not to summon the others, Xander decided against it as time would be a factor if the female teen was about to become a midnight snack.

So he followed them out of the club, and a little way down the street. As Xander watched the duo vanish into the nearby alley, he thought to himself in despair, ( _Oh man, if that guy's a vampire then that girl is in deep shit!_ )

"Hey!" Harris heard the femme shout, as loud noises started to come out of the alley. Xander started running as he withdrew his stake, and he arrived just in time to see the guy vamp out and say, "Stop struggling. This won't hurt!"

But then something amazing happened.

Breaking out of his chokehold, the girl elbow-jabbed her assailant directly in the face. The vampire staggered back, as the raven-haired beauty jumped onto a crate. She then executed a jumping roundhouse kick to the vampire's face, knocking him down to the pavement.

"Hi there. Need some help with the vampire?" Xander asked her, stake in hand and able to see how the girl wasn't even sweating from her exertions.

"Nah, I got it under control," the female teenager replied, even as the bloodsucker came up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulders. She snapped her head back to head-butt him in the face and grabbed onto his arm. "I'm Faith."

"I'm Xander," the boy replied, even as he watched Faith twist the vampire around and shove him into a section of a nearby chain-link fence. "Wanna borrow my stake?"

"Thanks," the young woman snatched it out of his hand as the fight resumed. She easily ducked a backhand strike from her opponent, and hit the vamp in the gut with a hard punch. The fight continued for nearly thirty seconds before the girl finally raised the stake and jammed it cleanly into the bloodsucker's chest, jerking it back out afterwards. The vampire instantly crumbled into ashes.

"So how did I do?" Faith asked the stranger with a smirk.

"My opinion? You could have finished that guy off a lot earlier," Xander told her with brutal honesty as the smile ran away from the girl's face. "You were stronger than him, a better fighter than him. You shouldn't get so caught up in the moment that you lose sight of the bigger picture – it's the best way I know of for getting hurt or killed. And just for the record...you are a vampire Slayer, right?"

"Right," Faith nodded carefully, getting a weird vibe off this guy. "How do you know about Slayers?"

"I've met three of them in my time," Xander shrugged. "Buffy, Kendra and now you. And funny thing is, all of you – smoking hot babes. What's with that, I wonder? Almost makes me think the Slayer essence has gotta be male or something..."

"You knew the Slayer before me?" Faith cocked her head slightly, trying and failing to suppress a smirk.

Xander's smile became somewhat forced. "Not very well, I only met Kendra a few times. But I was right there when Drusilla killed her. Dead Boy dusted that crazy vampire bitch afterwards, though, so at least Kendra's been avenged – for all the good that'll do."

"Dead Boy?"

"His real name's Angel," Xander shrugged, with a lot less malice in his voice than there would have been in a world where said vampire had lost his soul nine months ago. "I call him Dead Boy on account of, well, he's the one vampire in this world who's a good guy. He's Buffy's boyfriend too, if you can believe it."

"Say what?" Faith asked, flabbergasted. "You've gotta be shitting me!"

"Nope, no shit," Xander shrugged again. "Funny story involving gypsies, a curse and a way-stupid 'happiness clause' that we only just found out about in the nick of time. Giles can fill you in on the details, if you're interested."

"Giles?"

"Buffy's Watcher," the male teen replied. "You got a Watcher too, right?"

"Mine's in England," Faith said – a bit too quickly for Xander to believe her. Raymond Shaw had heard soldiers lie to him that way whenever they wanted to grab some extra shut-eye or get out of latrine duty or whatever. "Retreat or something, I dunno. That's why I came here, I wanted to look up the legends Diana told me about."

"Right," Xander drawled, as Faith finally handed him back the stake and he stuck his arm out. "Let's go see the G-man then, Faith. I'm sure you guys will get along great. Well, just as long as you don't call him funny names like I do..."

Faith shook her head, looping her arm around Xander's as she let him lead her out of the alley. She checked out her companion along the way, and came to the conclusion that he wasn't too hard on the eyes at all.

( _He's actually kinda cute. I wonder if this guy is seeing anybody?_ )

***

**Downtowner Apartments, Sunnydale, California**

**October 27****th****, 1998**

Faith Lehane was feeling pretty lousy, all things considered, as she lay on her hotel room bed reading a magazine.

About a month ago, everything had seemed to start off so well. After Xander had introduced her to the group, everyone had pulled together to help her kill the vampire named Kakistos; the evil THING who had tortured Faith's Watcher to death and made her watch while he did it. Miss Lehane had saved Willow's life one night as well, when her werewolf boyfriend Oz had gotten loose from his cage during a full moon.

But then, as far as Faith was concerned, everything had started to go downhill fast.

First, there had been that debacle known as Slayerfest '98, where a bunch of asshole vamps and demons had tried to murder her and Buffy. Then there had been that demon named Lagos, who had almost succeeded in killing her as well. But the worst part had been that bitch named Gwendolyn Post; supposedly her new Watcher but actually a black hat who had played her for a fool – even calling her an idiot to her face before trying to kill her with the Glove of Myhneghon.

At that moment there was a knock on the door, and Faith put aside the magazine and got up. "Come in."

Xander came into the room. He briefly looked around, "Nice digs. Well, if you like cockroach-infested hellholes."

"What are you doing here, Xander?" Faith asked simply.

"I was worried about you, of course. Faith, what the hell are you doing staying in a dump like this?" Xander wanted to know, looking around the room in disgust. "There's no invitation barrier, for one thing. What if some vampire comes in while you're sleeping, and drains you like a milkshake? Geez, I can't believe that Giles is on board with you staying here..."

"Jeeves doesn't know where I live," was Faith's flippant reply.

"What? But that's impossible. Giles was assigned to be your Watcher as well as Buffy's, how could he not..." Realization suddenly hit the young man with a two-by-four. "Geseki! Dol dae ga ri!" he cursed in Korean, calling Giles a very stupid man amongst other, less polite things.

"What?" Faith didn't get that last bit.

"Never mind. But I am SO gonna chew his British ass out for this!!" Xander said angrily. "What the hell is wrong with that guy? He didn't come around and personally check out where you were staying? I can't believe he'd be so, so...dumb!"

Faith shrugged. "Isn't really his fault. I told him I was okay with where I was living here in Sunnyhell, and he took my word for it. Guy's got a lot on his plate 'n all."

"That's no excuse in my book!" Xander took a deep breath. "But that can wait 'til later. How are you coping after the Wicked Witch of the West almost electrocuted you tonight, not to mention everyone else?"

The obvious concern regarding Gwendolyn Post's betrayal instantly made Faith uncomfortable. "Five-by-five, I guess."

"Bullshit," Xander told her succinctly, much to the Slayer's surprise. "And where'd you learn that old aviator signal code, anyway? I know what it means, but I doubt anyone else around here would!"

The Chosen One hesitated before saying, "I visited my dad in jail shortly before I left Boston. He mentioned it to me, before the guards dragged him away." Faith frowned, "How about you?"

Xander exhaled. "Sit down, I've got a story to tell you."

Faith sat, and subsequently heard the whole fantastic tale of Halloween almost precisely a year ago. How everyone had turned into their costumes, and he had become Sergeant Raymond Shaw for the night. How he could still remember everything concerning those Halloween memories.

Then Xander took a deck of cards out of his pocket and said, "I had these on me the night I got possessed, and I kept 'em as a souvenir and a good luck charm." He withdrew the Queen of Diamonds card and presented it to her. "I want you to have this, it's the Red Queen. My personal favourite. Maybe it can be your own lucky charm, huh?"

"Yeah, right," Faith snorted. "Comedy, so – so..."

But then she noticed Xander's face go completely slack and expressionless. All because Raymond Shaw's trigger phrase – the Korean words 'comiday su su', which thanks to her Boston accent had been close enough to 'comedy, so so' – had been used in combination with the Queen of Diamonds card.

"Xander?" she asked, confusion clear in her voice.

"Yes," he responded with a flat, emotionless voice.

"What's up? How come you're acting like this?" Faith didn't get it.

"I'm awaiting orders," was the brainwashed teenager's reply.

"What? You gotta be kidding me," the teenage Slayer snorted.

"No. I'm not kidding you," Xander said simply. "The code phrase is the first key, which you've provided. The Queen of Diamonds is the second key, to clear the mechanism for my assignment."

"What? And your assignment? What's your assignment?" Faith asked, starting to get a funny feeling that her male acquaintance honestly wasn't messing around with her, after all.

"Whatever you tell me it is," Harris said.

"You mean...you gotta do anything I say? No matter what? Come on!" Faith guffawed. She quickly stopped, though, when Xander's expression didn't change in the slightest. "All right, what the hell – prove it. Uh...strip completely naked!"

Faith waited for him to tell her that the joke was over, but to her amazement Xander just obeyed her orders without question. In a matter of moments the young man was standing before her without a stitch of clothing on, wearing nothing but his birthday suit.

( _Oh my Lord...just look at the size of that tool!_ ) Miss Lehane thought to herself, unconsciously licking her lips as she was hardly a blushing virgin anymore.

Fighting a rush of hormones at the sight of Xander's 'assets', Faith quickly said, "Hey, put your clothes back on!! And you're freaking serious, this shit is for real?"

"Yes," was the monosyllabic reply. Xander then proceeded to obey his latest orders, quickly and efficiently putting his clothes back on.

"Jesus," Faith muttered, finally starting to believe. "Alright, 'fess up: how did this happen? And don't skimp on the details!"

Xander told Faith the story as he knew it, how he had inherited his conditioning from Raymond Shaw when the sergeant and his platoon had been captured and taken to Manchuria during the Korean War – to be thoroughly brainwashed by the Soviet, North Korean and Chinese forces. He also spoke of how Shaw had been implanted with the subconscious trigger, and killed two of his own men whilst under its influence to prove to the enemy generals how the mind control techniques truly had been successful. Harris finished up by saying how he would have no recollection of anything, once the assignment was over and he was de-triggered.

"So, that means you won't remember us having this conversation?" Faith asked, eyes wide. "I can make you do and say anything I want, just by speaking the magic words and showing you that card, and you'll never even have a clue about it afterwards?"

"Yes."

Faith knew that she should simply tear the card apart and take her friend to her Watcher, get him the help he needed to beat this thing. But after she mentioned the plan to Xander, he simply replied, "Impossible. Thanks to the Halloween possession, my brain's been completely re-wired by chemical and surgical means. To quote Dr. Yen Lo, not only washed but also thoroughly dry-cleaned. The most likely outcome from mundane or magical meddling would be a neural short circuit, resulting in an immediate embolism.

"In other words, I'll die."

Faith was somewhat shaken by his matter-of-fact tone. "And that doesn't bother you?"

"If my assignment is to die for you, then no."

Faith sat down on the bed, wondering what to do. She knew B and Red well enough by now to figure that they would insist on Jeeves messing around with her friend's head, because those two had an annoying habit of thinking that they always knew best – which would most likely kill Xander, if Hypnosis Boy knew what he was talking about. Was she willing to take that risk?

( _No way, screw that,_ ) Faith decided as she got up. She had never before had a male friend as close to her as Harris, and was determined not to lose him.

"All right, here's the deal. I'm gonna count to three, and then you'll wake up and be Xander Harris again. I want you to remember this conversation as well, okay? Or at least TRY to remember it, anyway. Ready?" She saw Xander nod his head. "One, two, three."

Right on cue, Xander came out of his hypnotised state as if he'd never even entered it. "It's not comedy-" he started to say, responding to the last word he'd heard before his trigger was activated. "Um, Faith? What's going on? Weren't we a lot closer to the bed just a second ago?"

"Is that a proposal?" Faith asked as a diversionary tactic. It was obvious to the dark-haired Slayer that Xander didn't remember anything, despite her orders to the contrary. "'Cause if you are propositioning me, I gotta warn ya. I don't do relationships, and I'm into both kinks and vanilla..."

Xander blushed, the male virgin having very little experience with that sort of thing due to never having dated Cordelia Chase. "Um, anyway. You sure you're okay after what happened with that whole Glove of Money-Gone thing?"

"Positive," Faith nodded. If nothing else this little episode tonight had pulled her out of that annoying funk. She then ushered her visitor out and lay down on the bed.

The Slayer had a lot of thinking to do.

***

**The new residence of Faith Lehane, Sunnydale, California**

**February 1****st****, 1999**

It was apocalypse season, and tonight the Hellmouth was scheduled to open. A female demon cult known as the Sisterhood of Jhe was in town, and Faith and Xander had just run away from one of them in the Harris-mobile after a particularly nasty fight on the streets.

"You think Demon Mama followed us?" Xander asked, as the door banged shut and he went to check out the window.

Faith shook her head. "Nah, odds are we're cool." She took off her jacket and said, "That bitch dislocated my shoulder, though." She tossed her jacket aside, careful not to move her arm too much. As Xander came back over to her the Slayer said, "Hold me."

He did so, slightly confused, but then the confusion cleared up when Faith audibly snapped her shoulder back into place. The young man couldn't help wincing in sympathetic pain, even if he knew Faith was the Chosen One and could shrug off injuries that would put him in the hospital.

"You okay?" Xander asked, concerned for his friend.

"Yeah, but that demon really got me wound up. I mean, a fight like that and no kill at the end, I'm just about ready to pop," Faith said, the beginnings of a smile on her face. "Wanna help me relieve the tension?"

Xander rolled his eyes, "Faith, we've discussed this before. And it's a bad idea, because we're better off friends! You said it yourself that you don't do relationships, right? Well, I don't want to ruin our friendship, and you don't want to be Miss Commitment. So no matter how beautiful I think you are, it'd be a mistake and we both know it..."

Under normal circumstances, Faith would have just let it go at that. But these weren't normal circumstances; the Slayer was hungry and horny as hell after the battle, and from what Giles had said this could very well be their last night alive on Earth. So she did something the young woman had sworn to herself never to do; she got out of the Queen of Diamonds card and said to Xander, "Comiday su su."

Instantly, Xander went into the trance as his trigger was activated. "Yes."

"You ready for your orders, stud?" Faith started licking her lips, the look of an impatient sexual predator appearing on her face.

"Yes."

"Fine. Then take off your clothes, get over here and give me enough orgasms to last for a month of Sundays."

***

**The Sunnydale docks, Sunnydale, California**

**February 12****th****, 1999**

Faith Lehane was, quite frankly, in a big panic.

It had all started two nights ago, when she had semi-accidentally staked the Deputy Mayor Allan Finch during a fight with a bunch of vampires. At first she had attempted to cover up the crime, but the body had been discovered and the police had talked to both herself and Buffy about it. Her suspicions that Buffy would rat her out had eventually proven correct, and Faith's attempt to blame the blonde Slayer for what she'd done had failed abysmally.

Then had come the attempted kidnapping by the new Watcher on campus, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, to take her to England for 'rehabilitation'. Faith had easily escaped from him and his goon squad, though, and decided the best thing to do was just bail; get out of town ASAP.

Unfortunately, someone who knew her a lot better than she would have liked had been able to predict her actions. Standing on the deck of an old, rusted cargo ship about to depart Sunnydale, Faith saw Xander walking along the pier.

"You just don't give up, do you?" she called out to him, equal parts of annoyance and appreciation in her voice.

"Not on my friends, no," Harris said firmly. "Faith, please. Come on down and talk to me, okay? 'Cause I'd really like to know what the hell happened earlier on. I mean, I came over to talk to you tonight, that's it – and the next thing I know, we're having sex and Angel has hit you over the head with a baseball bat? Simply does not compute, in my opinion!"

Faith grimaced, she'd suspected that that would come around to bite her on the ass; but at the time, she'd been utterly unable to help herself. The sense of power she got from being Xander's mind controller had become more addictive than any drug could ever possibly be. "So was it good for you too, stud?"

Xander blushed, still not quite able to believe that he couldn't remember enough to answer that question. "Uh, that's not the point. The point is, how? And why?"

Sighing, Miss Lehane came down the gangplank and explained everything. She figured it was the least she could do, after all the pleasure her lover had given her lately even if he didn't remember doing it. "So, is everything clear now?"

Xander looked sick. He believed her, because it explained far too many things over the last two weeks; the funny smells on his body and clothes that he'd noticed lately, for one. Harris then started to glare at the young woman, and she inadvertently took a step back.

"You, you actually did that to me? You violated my trust like that? I thought we were friends, Faith, how could you DO something like that?!" Xander demanded.

"Hey, deep down I didn't do anything to you that you didn't want me to," Faith tried to defend herself. "See, you have this thing about how sex has to equal 'relationship', but I don't. And eventually I just...gave in to temptation, okay? I mean, you can't tell me that you didn't want me as much as I wanted you! And it's not like I physically hurt you or anything either – hell, you've been incredible in the sack as far as I'm concerned. So much that I was tempted to take you along with me tonight, but since I didn't have time to go looking for you..."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?!" Xander looked shocked after hearing the Slayer's words.

"No, boy toy. On account of we both know you'd never leave your precious Buffy and Willow behind – at least not willingly." Faith's face twisted into an ugly sneer, since her relationship with those two had truly hit rock bottom tonight. "So just go home, okay? Pretend you never found me tonight, and get on with your life-"

At that moment, Faith and Xander suddenly found themselves under attack by three vampires, led by the childe of Kakistos himself; Mr. Trick. The dark-haired Slayer found herself facing two opponents, while Trick grabbed Xander by the neck and held him hostage as he watched the battle. Faith ducked and weaved, hitting and punching and kicking the undead in the melee battle until she staked first one, and then the other.

"Not bad, I'm thinking your old Watcher woulda been proud. You remember her, don't you little girl?" Trick sneered, his grip on Xander tightening. "I sure as hell do. That old lady was QUITE the screamer."

"Let Xander go. This is between us, Trick, you pathetic asshole," Faith snarled.

"You're one to talk about being pathetic, Slayer," Trick smirked. "You forgotten the way how you ran away from Boston last year? I figure I'm actually gonna be doing the world a favour by killing you, letting some other girl who isn't a coward take over the job from now on..."

Faith strove to calm herself down, and not let Trick's words rile her up completely. She knew that Xander's life was at stake here, as well as her own...and that was when she got an idea.

Trick automatically went into his game face as he saw Faith reach into her pocket for something, but to his surprise she just withdrew a battered old Queen of Diamonds poker card. The vampire had no idea what his opponent was up to, and he instantly didn't like that feeling at all.

"What's that for?" Trick asked, baffled by the brunette Slayer's actions.

Faith ignored him. "Comiday su su. Xander, get him over here!"

To Trick's surprise Harris used an old trick Raymond Shaw had known about, slamming his heel on the vampire's instep and dropping down and forward as he tossed the unbalanced Trick over his shoulder. The vampire landed flat on his back in front of the Chosen One, and Trick just barely had time to see Faith's stake flashing down towards his chest.

( _Oh, damn-_ )

Dust exploded everywhere, as the undead creature was finally erased from existence.

( _There's officially one less vacancy in Hell now,_ ) Faith thought to herself in satisfaction, before noticing Xander had gotten up and was looking at her blankly, awaiting his next orders.

"Oh crap. Xander?" Faith sighed, she hadn't planned for this to happen; but it had happened anyway.

"Yes," was the typical emotionless reply from the brainwashed teenager.

Faith was about to tell him to go home and then wake up safe and sound, when she succumbed to sweet temptation yet again. As she'd said, Harris was just way too good in bed for the renegade Slayer to simply discard him that way.

"Follow me, stud, we've got a ship to catch."

***

**Somewhere in Puntarenas, Costa Rica**

**May 22****nd****, 1999**

Faith put down the English newspaper, frowning. It seemed that Sunnydale had been the site of a massacre recently, a lot of people had been killed at the high school yesterday during the 100-year anniversary of the founding of the town. There had also been reports of a giant snake of some sort showing up at the school, which only caused the Chosen One to shake her head in disbelief.

( _Makes me glad I got out of that town when I did, I swear to God_, ) the brunette thought to herself. ( _Odds_ _are I would have gotten myself killed if I'd stayed, anyway._ )

At that moment, Xander came into the room. The brainwashed young man said, "I have the location of that vampire nest. According to the snitch, there are at least thirty of the undead based there. I recommend we burn it during the day, and bribe the police to turn a blind eye to the proceedings. It'd be wise to hire one or two of them as well, to take out any stragglers we might miss."

"Sounds good to me," Faith smirked. Unlike Sunnydale the cops around here knew how to play ball with her whenever the undead were an issue, and her contacts had even supplied her with the names of a few mystics so that the Tweed Brigade couldn't track her down.

"But hey, that leaves us with the rest of the night to find something to do. Well, stud?" Faith asked with a knowing leer.

After all this time, the mind-controlled automaton knew what his boss wanted without her having to give him the order directly. As the clothes went flying and Faith's screams of passion and pleasure began, the man mechanically applied himself to his assigned task. But somewhere deep inside, where the true Xander Harris still resided, there lay a dim spark of hope...

Hope that someday, somehow, he would escape his servitude and once again be free.

As he watched the two rutting animals go at it yet again, in the higher realms Janus simply could not stop laughing over his handiwork for the last eighteen months or so.

***

Next: Story 8 - May The Force Be With You


	8. May The Force Be With You

**Date written**: Thu 8 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** I was initially tempted not to do this plot bunny, as there have been quite a few BtVS/Star Wars crossover stories over the years. In fact, there have been so many that I've lost count! But I don't think anyone has ever done this costume character before, so I thought the heck with it – just write it. And once again, my most sincere thanks to all my reviewers and the people who keep sending me feedback and encouragement!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 8: May The Force Be With You

**Headquarters of the Order of Dagon, Czech Republic, Europe**

**August 23****rd****, 2000**

The hellgod named Glorificus had arrived at the monastery; and the monks, protectors and guardians of the ancient living energy known as the Key, knew that the end was very seriously nigh.

The holy men also knew that they had to keep the Key out of the hands of the Beast, as they called the hellgod, to prevent the end of the world. So the abbot decided to make the Key into a human named Dawn Summers, the sister of Buffy the vampire Slayer. That was something that had always been meant to be.

Unfortunately, due to the rush factor, just a single mispronounced word almost screwed up the monk's plans completely. Instead of integrating the Key into the Slayer's life here and now, the magic ritual that the abbot and his brethren performed sent the living energy into the past, just before Glory came barging into the room.

Dawn Summers still came into existence, but as an 11-year-old girl – just before the infamous Halloween of three years previously.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Buffy Summers, dressed in her noblewoman outfit, came to answer the door. Her friend Xander subsequently entered, saluting her with the toy rifle in his hand. "Private Harris reporting for..." Then he actually looked at the girl he'd had a crush on ever since day one. "Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!"

"Thank you, kind sir," Buffy curtsied politely, ignoring the reference to Xander's clothing preferences for women. "But wait 'til you see..."

Noticing Xander's distraction, the blonde Slayer looked towards the stairs, only to see their friend Willow coming down the stairs. But she was dressed in the ghost outfit she'd bought at Ethan's Costume Shop, instead of the rock 'n roll groupie outfit Buffy had practically bullied her into wearing.

"...Casper," Miss Summers finished up in obvious disappointment.

"Hey, Will! That's a-a-a fine boo you got there," Xander commented, seeing the 'BOO!' caption on the white sheet.

"Thanks, Xander," Miss Rosenberg audibly sighed in relief, frustrating the hell out of Buffy. "Um, we should get going then?"

"MOMMMM!!" a whiny prepubescent female voice screamed not far away. "My costume's ruined!! I can't go out looking like this!!"

"Damn it, Dawn," Buffy muttered, as she and her friends went to investigate the apparent crisis. "Little brat, what's she up to NOW?"

"Dawn, what's wrong?" Joyce Summers asked her youngest daughter, unaware of what the problem was.

"Look at my mask!" the Key hollered as loud as she could. As Buffy, Willow and Xander arrived, Dawn held up a plastic imitation replica of Yoda from the Star Wars films, complete with the floppy ears. "It's got a hole in it! I can't go out wearing this! Kirsty and the others will never stop laughing at me!" The little girl stamped her foot in annoyance. "And don't tell me that it won't happen! I may not be a teenager yet, but I'm not dumb y'know!!"

Joyce sighed, a familiar headache making its way inside her skull. "Sweetie, it's Halloween and all the stores are closed now. I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do..."

"Actually, maybe there is," Buffy said, as an idea was born in her mind. "Dawn, what if you went dressed as Princess Leia instead?"

"What?" Willow asked in astonishment. "Buffy, how are you gonna pull that off?"

The Slayer merely smiled in a way that instantly made Willow nervous.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

"I am NEVER going to forgive you for this," Willow glared at her best friend, as she and Buffy entered the main corridor of the school building. The white ghost sheet was gone, and the girl genius was dressed only in the outfit Buffy had wanted her to wear. "Look, everybody's staring at me!!"

Buffy was seriously beginning to have regrets about scavenging the ghost outfit for Dawn's white Princess Leia dress, as Willow was genuinely upset and mad at her right now. ( _Well, I guess I'll know better next time. _)

"But that's in a good way, right?" the blonde Slayer tried unsuccessfully to cheer her friend up.

"Wrong!" Willow insisted, as they walked along. "I betcha they're all thinking to themselves, 'Why has Willow Rosenberg dressed up as a complete slut?'"

"Well, I don't think that. And I'm sure Xander doesn't think that either," Buffy tried to defend herself, walking along as quickly as the noblewoman outfit would allow.

"Yeah, but he's Xander. And hey, I can't believe that he lent Dawnie his toy rifle to complete the Princess Leia outfit, and decided to go with the Yoda costume himself despite the hole in it. What is he, twelve?" Willow muttered, calming down a bit. "It's a good thing that your mom had that brown robe with the hood that he was able to borrow, or he would have looked ridiculous wearing that mask with his army fatigues!"

"Boys. They were so much smarter before puberty set in," Buffy remarked philosophically.

"I'll say. And can you believe how Xander actually started playing around with Dawn's toy lightsabre like that!? You're right, boys and their toys," Willow grumbled.

"Well, what have we got here," the nasal and unfriendly voice of Principal Snyder came out from behind them, as Willow and Buffy whirled around and came to a stop. "Miss Rosenberg, that's a – unusual outfit for you, I have to say."

"Oh, uh, I let Buffy dress me for tonight. Well, not physically," the redhead stammered, scared as always of the adult male's authority.

"I should have known that you'd eventually get dragged down into the muck with her and that waste of space, Harris. Where is he anyway?" Snyder looked around, hoping that he would be able to discipline Xander for something or another.

"Oh, he's right – there," Buffy gestured, as Xander came in through the front doors dressed as the oldest and wisest Jedi Master ever born.

Snyder just curled his lip at the sight of the boy's costume, though. "Fascinating. He decided to dress up as a green muppet, hmm – why doesn't that surprise me?"

( _'Cause you've got a bug up your butt the size of a football?_ ) Buffy thought to herself. "Uh, we should get going, shouldn't we Principal Snyder? Don't want to be late for escort duty 'n all."

The high school principal impatiently waved her and Willow off, before marching toward Xander to give the boy his daily helping of venomous bile.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**Approximately ninety minutes later**

As the wave of chaos magic washed over the entire town, Master Yoda raised his head in alarm; his Force senses were screaming that practically everything around him was wrong.

For starters, he was no longer one with the Force, but trapped within a physical body once more. And it wasn't his own body either; from the height factor alone the aged master Jedi knew that this was a part-humanoid body, and a fairly young one at that.

( _Unexpected this is, and wrong. Where am I?_ ) Yoda also sensed that his connection to the Force was very weak, as this body had only the barest minimum of midichlorians within it. ( _Odd is this,_ ) the Jedi thought to himself, as he suddenly felt a boost to the midichlorian levels in his cells which returned them back to what they had been in his old body.

But then, once that was done, Yoda felt alarmed once more; as this entire place STANK of the dark side of the Force. Not even the tree cave back on Dagobah exuded this much darkness and evil. ( _Very malevolent this place is, on my guard I must be... _)

"Help! Help!" Master Yoda heard a female voice screaming, even as he started feeling a great disturbance from not far away. Trusting in the will of the Force, the Jedi Master made his way to where a young woman was being choked to death by some sort of child-sized demon on the porch of a house.

Yoda gestured, and the little green demon was blasted aside up into the air, sailing off towards the nearby trees. Yoda looked around, before making his way over the female massaging her throat. "Hurt badly, are you?"

"What? No, I...Xander, will you please not talk like that? This isn't the time, something weird just happened! Two of my little kids suddenly turned into demons," Willow said, getting up and looking around anxiously. "We gotta find Buffy, come on!"

Since for once in his life Master Yoda had no idea what was going on, he decided to follow the redhead as she went in search of this 'Buffy'.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

"Oh my God," Willow stumbled back and hit the couch, as she saw Yoda's green lightsabre flare into life. She wasn't a ghost, after all, since the Halloween costume she wore contained nothing from Ethan Rayne's costume store. "Xander, you – you really are Master Yoda?!"

"This Xander you speak of, I know him not," Yoda replied calmly, extinguishing the lightsabre. He noticed that the person Willow called 'Buffy' had fainted again, just like after she'd screamed and called him a 'demon' when they'd first met. "And how is it you know my name, young one?"

"Well, I..." Willow shrugged helplessly. "I honestly don't think you'd believe me, even if I told you!"

"Perhaps, perhaps not," Yoda mused. "But great fear within you, I can sense. Beware, for fear is the path that leads to the dark side of the Force," the alien Jedi advised the female teen.

Willow rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Okay, see, this whole Force thing? Uh, hate to tell you this, but it doesn't actually exist, it's just something that George Lucas came up with twenty years ago in order to make a quick buck-"

"Your lack of faith, I must help you with," Yoda decided as he gestured, and Willow rose up into the air and began rolling head over heels. Ignoring her inarticulate wailing, the Jedi Master said, "The Force is my ally, little one, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, and makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us: luminous beings we are, not this crude matter." Yoda extended his arm, pinching the skin to demonstrate his point.

"Okay! Okay! I believe in the Force!" Willow shrieked, desperately trying to stop rotating around up in the air. "Now please, put me down!!"

Yoda gestured, and Willow gently came down to the floor again. She quickly backed away from the green alien in fright, causing the old Master to sigh over how the human girl had failed to learn her lesson. "Conquer your fear, you must," he advised her before Yoda's attention was diverted to a loud scream from outside.

The Jedi made his way out of the house, only to see another female human running from a Sasquatch-type creature. Once he understood the situation, he quickly decided what to do. With a Force leap, Yoda demonstrated superhuman acrobatic agility as he jumped directly into the brunette female's path and then, ignoring her scream, the extraterrestrial jumped back to the front of 1630 Revello Drive whilst holding her in his arms.

"Follow me, you should," Yoda tossed over his shoulder to Cordelia Chase, as he made his way to the front door of the house. "Dangerous for you here, it is."

"Who...what are you?" Cordelia demanded, even as she followed her rescuer inside the house. She knew who lived here, after all.

"Cordelia! Cordelia? Are you still – well, you?" Willow asked her classmate at once.

"No, I'm actually Martha Stewart in disguise! What do you think?" Cordelia said scathingly. "Willow, what the hell is going on? It's complete chaos out there! And who the hell is that underneath the mask who just saved my ass from Jo-Jo the Dog Face Boy?" the cheerleader demanded, turning to face Yoda.

"Anger, fear, and aggression do you show. The dark side of the Force are they," Yoda intoned solemnly, fixing the young woman with a stare that almost made Cordelia break out in goosebumps. "Careful you should be. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."

"Well, thank you Master Yoda," Cordelia snapped sarcastically. "Now, could you quit with the sermonizing and just take off that stupid mask?"

"Um, Cordelia? That's not a mask. Uh, it's Xander-"

"WHAT?" Cordelia instantly looked like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Yeah, I know, but he really did turn into Master Yoda tonight, just like Buffy turned into a noblewoman and a lot of people out there turned into some kinda monster," Willow said apologetically as Cordelia continued to stare at her in disbelief. "And, and Yoda here really can use the Force; he proved it to me just now."

"That's nice, Willow. And you went completely mental like this, when exactly?" Cordelia sniped scornfully.

Willow exhaled. "I guess seeing really is believing and all that. Master Yoda, can you prove it to her like you did with me?"

Yoda gestured to Cordelia, projecting his thoughts into hers. "Speak your mind honestly, you should."

"I hate it here in Sunnydale, ever since I found out that demons and vampires really do exist," Cordelia spoke like she was hypnotized or something. "I blame Buffy Summers for most of the crap that's happened to me over the last year or so, on account of before she rode her fanny into town? I had a happy, normal, wonderful life. But I'm kinda jealous of her in some ways, what with her constantly saving the world and other people's lives – as well as having real friends that she can rely on like Willow and Xander. I used to despise them both, even though I don't anymore. In fact I actually find that dork Harris kinda good-looking these days, after he saved my life in that fire-"

"Okay, STOP!" Willow shouted in horror, as Yoda's spell was broken. The thought that the girl who'd made her life hell was now interested in the boy she loved was enough to make Willow want to puke. "Too much information..."

The redhead glanced over to where Buffy was still laying on the floor out cold. Glad that her best friend had not been awake to hear all that, Willow moved the noblewoman over to the couch. ( _Still, I doubt it would have meant much to her right now, because hello – possession and all?_ )

In the meanwhile, Cordelia had come out of it and was glaring at Yoda in sheer rage. "Why, you-!"

"Like a mirror, the truth is," Yoda told her, totally unaffected by the human girl's temper tantrum. "Use it to see clearly, you should. Hide your true self too much – and most likely lose yourself, you will."

"Whatever," Cordelia said, feeling oddly naked as the Jedi Master continued to stare at her – it was as if he was easily able to see past the carefully constructed 'Queen C' mask she presented to the world. "Just don't do that again, or I'll make you regret it!"

"Look, we gotta focus – and, and do something about what's happening outside," Willow interjected. "I mean, people are dying because of all the monsters running around loose on the streets! Uh, Master Yoda, do you have any idea what's actually going on out there?"

The alien closed his eyes and appeared to concentrate. "A great disturbance in the Force do I feel," Yoda said slowly. "Great chaos I can sense, neither good nor evil, not far away. Travel there I must, to learn more."

The Jedi Master made his way to the door before advising the two girls, "Stay here, you should, and trust in the Force." With that he left the house, Willow quickly locking the front door behind him.

"I sure hope he keeps Xander's body safe out there tonight," the redhead murmured, equal amounts of fear and love evident in her tone.

***

**Somewhere on Hadley Street, Sunnydale, California**

**A few minutes later**

The white-clad princess was getting more and more pissed off, as she held her blaster pistol tight and made her way through the madhouse that Sunnydale had become this evening.

The young woman wasn't happy with not knowing where she was, as well as with being stuck within the body of a child like this. Like Yoda before her, she'd found the stars in the sky to be completely unfamiliar and, thus, she had no idea whereabouts this backwater planet was located within the galaxy.

"Well, now, who 'ave we got here? I do believe it's the Slayer's little sis from Parent-Teacher Night!" a male voice with a Cockney accent said from behind Leia, as the princess whirled around. The vampire named Spike then put on his game face and growled, "Glad I found you, li'l bit – I'm hungry, and you're lookin' right delicious at the moment!"

Unfortunately for William the Bloody, the Alderaan princess took aim with her blaster and drilled a hole straight through the soulless vampire's heart, instantly making Spike explode into ashes. His minions – a mini-army of possessed human kids – instantly turned tail and ran, as Princess Leia suddenly spied something familiar in the distance and ran towards the green-skinned being in the brown robe. "Wait! Wait a minute, who are you?"

Master Yoda turned around, and actually raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Strange, indeed, are the ways of the Force if the daughter of Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala should be here," the alien told her calmly, recognizing her Force signature immediately.

Princess Leia Organa frowned, not liking being reminded of family ties to Darth Vader. "Do I know you? I recognize your species, of course, and the robe is that of a Jedi, but I'm not sure..."

"Yoda am I," the Jedi Master interrupted, causing Leia's eyes to widen. She had heard the name before, and knew who it belonged to. "And met before, we have. Obi-Wan and I, present at the birth of you and your brother Luke, we were. To your parents Bail and Breha Organa we gave you, after you were born at Polis Massa."

"What?" Princess Leia whispered in complete shock. "But, but..."

"Strong is the Force in your family," Yoda continued on, gesturing to the princess to follow him, which she did. "Untrained and unprepared are you, but pass on what he has learned, Luke will. A Jedi Knight one day, you will be."

Her mind whirling, Leia followed her companion pretty much on autopilot as she tried to figure out how she felt about the Jedi Master's words. The last thing she remembered before finding herself here was dragging Luke back to the celebratory party on the moon Endor, the site of the Rebellion's victory over the evil Emperor Palpatine. There had been no time to examine how she felt about being a Skywalker, or that she possessed the same Force potential her twin brother did. Leia had thought that he was the last of the Jedi – and speaking of which, hadn't Luke mentioned that Yoda had died of old age recently...?

"Arrived we have, at last," Yoda said, as Leia looked up to see what was advertised as a costume shop of some sort. "Away put your weapon. No need for it here, I feel there is."

Trusting implicitly in his authority as a Jedi, Leia obeyed orders as she and Yoda entered Ethan's domain. "What are we looking for, exactly?"

"Ah, welcome! The shop's officially closed to the public at the moment, but I'm willing to make an exception for two such famous visitors as yourselves," Ethan said in an oily tone. He knew who Dawn's costume persona was from the intricate double-bun hairdo and, ever since the 1980's, over half the world knew who Yoda was.

"Responsible for tonight's events, I feel you are," Yoda said mildly, refusing to let any anger reach him.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. Don't want to blow my own trumpet too much, of course, but quite frankly it's sheer genius on my part. Everyone becoming whoever or whatever they dressed up as for Halloween? It's the very embodiment of 'be careful what you wish for'."

"What are you talking about?" Leia demanded, bringing her blaster out on instinct.

"Such a pretty little girl you are," Ethan smirked at Dawn's body. "I do wonder how you'll feel after the spell wears off? I'd imagine it'll be pretty traumatic for a prepubescent like yourself to have all those adult memories, most likely it'll drive you completely bonkers." He glanced at Yoda, "Just as whoever dressed up as you, will have to cope with nine hundred years worth of your memories afterwards. Sometimes, I astound even myself!"

"Curious I am as to why you have done this," Yoda replied, motioning Leia to stay calm.

"Well, what can I say? One does this sort of thing for love, not money; although the cash certainly helps to pay off the lease on this place," Ethan gestured around the shop.

"A great sickness of the spirit, you have," Yoda pronounced judgment on Ethan. "Not long for this life are you, I suspect. That mark on your arm, links you to a creature of darkness it does. Fear for your safety, you should."

Ethan finally lost the smirk. "What are you talking about? Eyghon? Bloody hell, how did you know about that?"

"Always in motion, the future – difficult to see. Clouded is your fate," Yoda replied rather cryptically. "But now undo what you have done, you must."

"Really. Why should I, what's in it for me?" Ethan asked snootily.

A red-white laser beam streaked by his right ear, destroying part of the shop directly behind him. Ethan jumped as Leia said, "You get to live, for starters."

"Bust of Janus, it's in the back. Destroy it and everything goes back to normal," Ethan said with a shaky smile.

Yoda made his way to the back of the shop, motioning to Leia to follow him. Igniting his lightsabre, the Jedi Master raised his weapon and then brought the blade of light down, cleaving the statue in two.

Instantly, the lightsabre turned back into a cheap toy and Xander Harris reclaimed control of his own body. At his side, Dawn Summers did the same; and the little girl started screaming, unable to cope with Leia's memories just as Ethan had foretold.

"Dawn! Dawn!" Xander shouted, struggling to remember how exactly Yoda would have done it. He tore off the Yoda mask and threw it away, looked the Key right in the eyes and commanded her, "Forget. Forget! You remember nothing of what Princess Leia left behind just now! Listen to my voice, and FORGET!"

Dawn's mind was a complete mess, and Xander's mastery of the Jedi mind trick was far from masterful. But not wanting to offer any resistance, Dawn let her sister's friend disconnect the various neurons within her brain, finally banishing her Halloween persona's memories. Miss Summers could only remember being Leia Organa now in the abstract sense, as if she'd heard about it happening to someone else.

Sighing in relief, Xander started cradling the little girl in his arms as she started to cry her eyes out.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Xander and Dawn were talking in the kitchen, whilst Giles, Buffy and her mother Joyce were hovering nervously outside. The Summers mom was cursing herself for ever allowing Dawn to go out trick o' treating last night, having heard enough rumours about the attacks by 'gangs high on PCP' by now. ( _What was I thinking? I could have lost my little punkin' belly forever last night!_ )

"Oh, my poor little girl. Dawn must be utterly traumatised by what's happened!" Joyce exclaimed in anguish.

"Yeah, but, uh, you know, Xander said nothing too bad happened last night after that weird gas leak," Buffy said hurriedly. "I-I'm sure Dawnie will be fine soon enough."

"Indeed, Mrs. Summers," Giles added. "From what I've seen of her, your daughter is most resilient; she takes after her older sister that way."

"Well, thank you, Mr. Giles," Joyce expressed her gratitude to the Englishman, thinking it was most fortunate how at least one of Buffy's teachers at school actually seemed to care about the students. "And thank you for helping look after Buffy last night, too."

At that moment Xander came out of the kitchen, and Joyce was shocked for a moment at the look in the boy's eyes. Nine hundred years worth of memories had inevitably left their mark on his soul. "Xander? Is something wrong with Dawn?"

"I talked with Dawnie, Mrs. S., and we decided that you need to know the truth about Sunnydale from now on. Buffy, show her what you can do," Xander said abruptly, gesturing to the Slayer.

"What? Xander!!" Buffy exclaimed indignantly.

"Buffy, what's he talking about?" Joyce demanded, glancing between her daughter and her friend.

"Nothing," Giles said, glaring at Xander who seemed totally unaffected by his look of disapproval. "In fact, we were just leav-"

Then he started choking and gasping, as Xander pointed at the man's throat. Harris still had all of Yoda's Jedi powers from last night, as his midichlorians levels – and Dawn's, for that matter – had remained the same after the spell was over.

"Be quiet, Giles. Joyce needs to hear this, and she also deserves to know the truth about Sunnydale," Xander said with the voice of a general, a leader, as he finally released the British man. "Because in this town, ignorance is NOT bliss and it can easily get you killed. Buffy, go ahead; show your mom just how strong you really are."

"What is going on here?" Joyce was beginning to get rather frightened. "Young man, what did you just do to Mr. Giles? And what are you talking about with regard to my daughter?"

Buffy glanced at Giles, but he was still staring at Xander with a combination of fear and betrayal. Miss Summers didn't think she'd ever seen that look on her Watcher's face before, and it made her feel somewhat concerned as well. Still, it was Xander, and so she couldn't be too worried about it.

Anyway, figuring that the cat was well and truly out of the bag now, Buffy sighed. "Mom, I'm a vampire Slayer." She then lifted Giles easily and held the British man's body well above her head, almost causing Joyce to faint.

"I have been ever since we were living in LA..."

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**January 20****th****, 1998**

As Cordelia Chase walked out of the library that night, she silently cursed the way her life had been going lately. Because it had all started nearly three months ago, right after Halloween.

The cheerleader had been humiliated by what Xander had done to her in the Summers house while he'd been possessed by his Halloween costume, and so she had avoided both him and his two loser friends as much as possible afterwards. Cordy had been worried that the news she found the doofus physically attractive would give Harris lots of ammunition against her, but to Miss Chase's surprise, he had never once mentioned anything about it ever since. Willow had, at least sort of; but the buxom brunette was not Queen C around here for nothing, and she had been able to put the mousy nerd back in her place easily enough.

( _What am I doing, hanging around these hopeless fashion victims?_ ) Cordelia asked herself yet again. But the answer was obvious: the Hellmouth was a dangerous place to live in, and until she could graduate and get out of Sunnydale for good, she needed these people. If a forest fire was headed straight for you, the only sane option was to stand behind the fire-fighters who were operating a water cannon against it.

( _Still, I've got to cut back on coming to their stupid meetings like this. So what if Angel was acting weird around Buffy last night? She's a freak, and he's a mopey vampire! Define 'weird', is all I can say!_ )

Just then, the lights went out. "Great!" Cordelia complained to herself. "Stupid school electrical faults, that's all I need..."

"Cordelia," a familiar male voice said from the end of the corridor. The girl looked around and recognized Angel's profile in the shadows. "I need to talk to you. Could you come over here for a minute?"

"What's this about?" Miss Chase said, not moving a muscle. For some reason, the guy was starting to set off her freak-o-meter big time.

"It's very important. I mean, you'll just die when you hear it," the vampire said, taking a few steps towards her.

"What? What are you talking about? Like, have you heard a rumour about me being dumped from the cheerleading squad?" Cordelia had automatically started panicking by now.

"Something even more important than that," Angel replied, a hint of impatience appearing in his voice. "Come on."

Miss Chase took one step forward, but found herself being yanked back by a grim-faced Xander. "Hey! Let go, you dorkhead!" Cordelia instinctively flung out the insult.

"Come out where I can see you, Angelus," Harris said curtly, shoving Cordelia behind him. "I've been waiting for you."

"Have you now," the newly-soulless vampire smirked, his handsome face clearly visible as he came into the light. Deep down he was annoyed though, as well as pissed at Xander for helping Buffy dust Drusilla not long after Dawn had killed Spike. "And why are you calling me that name?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Buffy's voice echoed in the corridor, as she and Willow and Giles showed up. "Angel, are you okay?"

"Sorry, Buffy, but he's not Angel anymore," Xander spoke up before the vampire could answer. "Are you?"

"Wrong. I AM Angel. At last!" Angelus roared, going into his demon face. "And you people are all going to die very slowly and painfully!"

Everyone drew back in shock, apart from Xander. He said simply, "That's what you think. Have you noticed that you're currently outnumbered, here?"

"A problem easily fixed, soon enough," Angelus seemed to focus his attention on Harris entirely.

"I know. Because I had a Force vision about this very conversation," Xander replied softly, the leftovers from being Master Yoda for one night coming in very useful. "This morning, I saw and heard you bragging about already having started the job – that after you lost your soul thanks to having sex with Buffy, you'd begun to recruit an army of the undead. Any chance I happen to be wrong?"

Angelus growled, as everyone apart from Xander stared at Buffy in horror. "Well, what can I say? That there's no point denying the obvious?"

"My sentiments exactly," Xander replied. Gesturing, he lifted Angelus up in the air as he started kicking and cursing. A stake in Xander's hand then quickly flew up and zoomed in close to the vampire's heart.

"Xander, STOP!" Buffy screamed, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around. The 17-year-old schoolgirl was terrified that Harris was going to stake her boyfriend, and she was determined to prevent that at any cost. "Don't you dare kill him!!"

"Buffy, wait. Xander, wh-what exactly are you up to?" Giles asked, absently noticing how Cordelia was now hiding behind him.

"Yeah, Xander," Willow chimed in, her eyes wide as Angelus continued to struggle futilely. "Uh, if Angel's lost his soul – what's the plan?"

Xander didn't answer her directly. He turned around and said to the vampire, "I had another Force vision this morning, you should know."

"Yeah? About what?" Angelus stopped struggling for the moment, centering his attention on Harris once more.

"A battle that takes place at some point in the future," Xander said with a very chilly tone of voice. "I heard the name 'Acathla' mentioned as you and Buffy started fighting with swords, and there was this big demon statue in the background. I won't bore you with all the details; I'd say all you need to know is that I saw your eyes glow orange for a second, and then you and Buffy started kissing. I'm guessing that means eventually, you somehow get your soul back."

"NEVER!" Angelus screamed. "I'll stake myself before I become that snivelling ass-wipe again!" Then he saw the stake hovering just a few inches away, and finally understood Xander's strategy. The annoying kid could have dusted him before now, but had chosen not to...

Because he wanted his prisoner to commit suicide.

Which was something Angelus was willing to do, oddly enough, assuming that Xander wasn't bluffing; a hundred years of torture from having Soul Boy control his body had taught the vampire that much, if nothing else. The only question was, therefore, was the damned blood bag bluffing or not?

The soulless vampire grabbed the stake out of the air, already knowing the answer to that.

"Well played, Harris," Angelus smirked, ignoring Buffy's gasp of horror. "I have to admit, you set this up really well. I couldn't have done a better job of it myself, and that's really saying something!"

"Angel?" Buffy looked like she desperately wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

Full of anger and hatred, Angelus knew that if he had to do this, he was damn well going to make it memorable for Buffy; and hopefully ruin her for all other men in the future. So he turned to the Slayer and said with a sugary voice, "You were a real disappointment in bed, I wasn't playing mind games about that. Always will be too, I'm sure; no matter how many men you sleep with. So I'll see you in Hell one day, slut."

Angelus slammed the stake into his own chest: ashes exploded outwards, and gently rained down to the floor.

"NO!!!" Buffy screamed, her heart instantly shredding apart from the loss. She ran forward and frantically grabbed at the ashes, the tears beginning to gush out of her eyes. Willow came over to comfort her, but then Buffy got up with a look of rage on her face.

"Xander, you BASTARD!" the Slayer yelled furiously. "You KNEW what Angel would do after you told him that! You're responsible for getting him killed, you son of a bitch!!"

"I'M responsible for what happened to that vampire?" Xander asked her sternly. "Buffy, I'm not the one who caused him to lose his soul. I'm not the one to blame for all the people Angelus killed last night, and I'm definitely not the one who forced that soulless monster to come here to his doom just now. I only provided the means for him to end his own life, and save all the other innocents Angelus would have otherwise killed from dying before their time."

"And that was your only reason for your actions? Yeah, sure! Because you always hated Angel, right from the start!" Buffy lashed out in her grief and fury.

"Hate leads directly to the dark side of the Force," Xander looked very troubled. "That's why I've been trying to suppress my emotions and follow the Jedi code ever since Halloween, I'm sure you must have noticed it before now. Buffy, I really don't want to become a Sith lord – 'cause quite frankly, Darth Harris would make Angelus look like a choirboy in comparison."

"That's it, I'm outta here!!" Cordelia declared vehemently, detaching herself from Giles. "You people, stay away from me from now on unless there's an apocalypse happening!" She then marched off, not looking back even once.

"That goes double for me, Xander! Our friendship is officially over," Buffy snarled at her former friend.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Harris exhaled. "It'll make things a lot more awkward where Dawn's concerned."

"What? What's Dawnie got to do with this?" Willow looked as if she was sure that she was trapped in the middle of a bad dream.

"She can still feel the Force the same way I can," Xander confessed, much to everyone's surprise. "Dawn may not remember Leia Organa's life anymore, but that doesn't change the fact that she was possessed last year just like I was. So Dawnie needs training, or else she runs the risk of embracing the dark side of the Force one day. And I seriously doubt that any of us here wants to witness the birth of Darth Summers, right?"

Giles immediately started polishing his glasses, as Buffy started arguing and remonstrating with the young man Rupert now feared more than anyone else in this world.

Both thanks to his abilities, and his artificial memories spanning nine centuries of existence.

***

**Monastery, Czech Republic, Europe**

**August 23****rd****, 2001**

Thanks to Xander's actions during Buffy's 17th birthday, things were a LOT different here and now than they otherwise would have been.

Junior year had been relatively peaceful, with the worst bad guy a toss-up between the vampiric Gorch brothers and the demon known as der Kindestod, both of whom Buffy had taken care of relatively easily. There had been some problems with the Sunnydale High swim team turning into fish monsters too, but that had been sorted out relatively quickly as well.

It was after senior year had started that the rot had truly set in.

Since the girl known as Faith Lehane had never been activated as the Slayer and come to Sunnydale, thanks to her predecessor named Kendra never dying at Drusilla's hands, Willow had been all alone that night when her werewolf boyfriend had gotten loose from his cage. The lycanthrope named Oz had subsequently killed the redheaded girl, instead of Faith hitting the wolf with enough phenobarbital to knock out an elephant; and in due course, Oz had committed suicide after hearing the bad news the next day.

Likewise, because Faith was never there to prevent it, the vampire disciples of the demon Balthazar had restored their master to full strength, after recovering the slug-like demon's amulet. The empowered Balthazar had subsequently killed his mortal enemy, Mayor Richard Wilkins; and by the end of senior year Buffy was also dead, killed by the very same demon.

Cordelia had left town and headed for Los Angeles after graduation, ending up a free meal for the vampire named Russell Winters after foolishly accepting an invitation to his fortress-like home, at night. The half-demon named Alan Francis Doyle had been unable to save her, at least not all by himself.

Giles had left Sunnydale by that point, too. There was nothing left for him on the Hellmouth after Buffy's death, and Kendra had her own Watcher named Sam Zabuto to see to her needs. Going back to England, he'd run afoul of some Bringers of the First Evil and joined the list of the dead, after an axe had landed in his back during the battle.

Finally, Joyce Summers was the last to go.

She'd been killed by a rampaging monster known as ADAM, which had been created by a mad scientist named Maggie Walsh, and left her daughter Dawn orphaned as Hank Summers was nowhere to be found. Xander had, of course, taken her in and started to train the Key to help him defeat ADAM.

It had taken a while for the cyber-demonoid to be put down, but in the end the job had been accomplished and as thanks for their assistance, the Initiative leader named Riley Finn had let Xander and Dawn have free access to all the materials needed to build themselves a couple of lightsabres.

"Ready?" Xander asked the young girl, as both of them ignited their weapons.

"Not really," Dawn replied honestly. "Still kinda freaked after learning about that whole Key thing."

Harris nodded; he knew all of that would be enough to freak out anyone. After yet another Force vision and a lot of research, he had finally figured out what the monks had done in that other timeline. As well as what needed to be done now.

"It comes!" one of the monks babbled in Czech, as he and one of his brothers ran down to the corridor to the two Force-sensitive individuals. "The Beast is here!!"

"He said the Big Bad's about to show its face," the brunette girl said to her mentor, Miss Summers having a natural affinity for languages that Xander didn't. "Big surprise, huh?"

"Think positive," Xander advised her gently. "If you believe that what we're planning to do is futile, then the enemy's already won."

"Yeah, I know," the Key replied in annoyance. Then she tensed up, "You feel that?"

"Yep, here we go..."

The door connecting them to the main part of the monastery was smashed down, and an angry-looking blonde woman strode into the corridor. She saw Xander and Dawn waiting for her and said contemptuously, "So who have we got here? A couple of meat-sacks with shiny, glowing toys?"

"You are not welcome here. Leave or die," Xander told her calmly, the Jedi code forbade outright butchery after all.

"You think you can kill me? Newsflash, you over-evolved monkey, I'm a GOD!!" Glory crowed in amusement. "You can't do squat to my ass!"

"NOW!" Xander shouted, as Dawn feinted to the side and Harris executed a Force jump to try to decapitate Glory with his blade. But as he'd expected, that didn't work; Glorificus was immune to any sort of physical attack.

"Okay. Now I'm mad," Glory snarled, as the lightsabre had bounced off her neck and sliced down the back of her dress, ruining it. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to find something of that particular colour, which complemented my eyes and hair so perfectly?!"

"You mean your real hair colour, or after you dyed it?" Dawn called out as a challenge.

"You little BITCH!!" Glory ranted, looking to tear Dawn's head off. But the Key reached out with the Force, and sent her enemy flying backwards with a telekinetic shove.

Glory hit the wall, as the monks finished their ritual not far away. The previous incarnation of the Key vanished, sent back safely into the past as the two Sunnydalians had instructed the monks to do earlier today. At the same time the current version of the Key, Dawn, felt that peculiar echo of herself in the Force disappear, something which she had been sensing ever since becoming Princess Leia that night. The girl started to smile in delight, ( _One problem solved. Now to take care of the other one!_ )

Xander, who had deactivated his lightsabre, reached out to submerge himself in the Force as much as he possibly could; and a moment later, lightning erupted furiously out of his fingertips.

The barrage assaulted Glory's divine body, driving her back screaming. It wasn't enough to kill her, but it was enough to weaken her energy so much that she had to retreat back inside the human host body she inhabited, the doctor named Ben.

"What-?" Ben managed to say, before he felt himself lifted up in the air. "What's going on?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Xander said. "One moment the Beast was there, and the next moment she's gone and you're present?" He reached out with the Force, and could just barely perceive the essence of the hellgod gathering its energy within Ben's physical form.

At that moment, the young man felt Glory's cloaking magic trying to work its way inside his brain, to strip him of the precious knowledge he had acquired.

"NOOOO!!" Xander shouted, doing all he could to fight against it.

Dawn never hesitated.

Igniting her lightsabre, she swung at Ben's neck just as the man's eyes changed colour, and Glory was about to re-emerge. The decapitated head went sailing away and crashed to the ground, and the rest of the male corpse did too after Xander lost his telekinetic grip on it.

"Xander! Xander, are you okay?" Dawn asked worriedly, completely ignoring the dead intern. There would be time enough to deal with the consequences of her actions later.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," Xander said mournfully, staring at the headless body as the monks of the Order finally showed up to help. "It's all over now, anyway."

***

Next: Story 9 - Cyborg


	9. Cyborg

**Date written**: Fri 9 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **I must confess, I was a big fan of this TV show back in the day. Recently, I re-read part of the Journeyverse saga originally created by Tenhawk, and somehow I got inspired with this particular idea. Go figure, huh? Anyway, a big thank-you as always to everyone who is, and has been, sending feedback and reviews!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 9: Cyborg

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**October 29****th****, 1997**

Xander Harris was, all things considered, a fairly normal 17-year-old boy. He lived at home with his parents, he had friends at high school, he read comic books and he also watched TV. All sorts of shows, actually: Babylon 5, Star Trek and even reruns of the old 1970's classic, The Six Million Dollar Man.

As the episode started, Xander geekily spoke the words of the opening sequence along with the narrator: "Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster..."

One of the reasons Xander was a big fan of the TV show was because it showed a normal man who was suddenly thrust into a world where he was able to his new superpowers to survive and even thrive amongst spies, aliens, and even the occasional killer space probe. Even though he hated to admit it, the male teenager couldn't help being slightly jealous of his friend Buffy the vampire Slayer for her superhero powers: Xander often wished that he could be the one who could protect HER that way, whenever the Hellmouth monsters came crawling out of their lairs.

In time, Alexander Harris would know never to jinx himself by making a wish like that. But that time had not come yet.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Colonel Steve Austin shook his head slightly, as he looked around in confusion and disorientation. ( _Where the heck am I?_ )

The bionic man suddenly felt something tied around his forehead, and yanked it off. Steve stared at the headband containing Native American markings in surprise, ( _I remember this! But that was ages ago, when I was on that reservation looking for our missing scientists... _)

Indeed, as bad luck would have it Xander had come up with the idea for his Halloween costume after watching that particular episode on the idiot box two nights ago. Austin's train of thought was quickly derailed, though, when he finally noticed what was happening all around him. He was on a suburban street somewhere – where exactly, he didn't know – but he doubted that he was in Washington any longer. For one thing, the streets of D.C. didn't have child-sized monsters chasing after screaming kids and adults like this.

Well, not that often anyway...

"Xander! Xander!" the cyborg turned around to see a young, redheaded teenage girl racing towards him. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, miss, I think you've got me mistaken for someone else-" Steve abruptly cut himself off, as he used his bionic eye's infrared capability to study the person before him more carefully. But to his surprise, there was nothing there as far as his heat vision could detect. "Who are you? WHAT are you?"

"What? Xander, it's me Willow!" Miss Rosenberg stated in annoyance, just as Steve poked a finger straight through her noncorporeal form. Putting on a brave face she added, "Yeah, see, I turned into a ghost just now, but that's not important. Listen-"

"A ghost?" Austin interrupted uncertainly. He had seen a lot of strange things over the years, and so wasn't willing to dismiss Willow's words straight out of hand. "And who's Xander? My name's Steve Austin."

Willow took in the 1970's clothes and the headband the man was holding in his hand, before he stuffed it into his pocket. "Oh no, Xander...you, you turned into your costume as well? You really ARE the Six Million Dollar Man now?!"

Steve didn't get that. "How did you know how much it cost the government to..." he quickly cut himself off, all that stuff was still classified after all.

Willow would have answered his question, but just then a monster appeared across the street. Steve saw it and said, "Ghost or not I suggest you find some cover, right now!"

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

It had been a pretty wild ride so far, what with picking up the 18th century noblewoman which Buffy Summers had turned into – and witnessing things that Steve wouldn't have believed possible, unless he'd seen them himself. He said to Willow, "So lemme get this straight; this is the year 1997, and I don't actually exist? Not to mention, everyone I know – Jaime, Michael, Rudy, Oscar, and the people at the OSI – they're all just something out of a TV show as well?"

"Uh, yeah," Willow said apologetically, with a quick glance at Lady Buffy; who was wandering throughout the room and gaping at photos and such. "Look, I-I know this must be somewhat upsetting-"

"Almost getting myself killed in that Northrop HL-10 all those years ago, that was upsetting," Steve interrupted her, painfully recalling the accident which had made him into the world's first bionic man. "But this, this is way beyond that!"

Willow wasn't sure what to say, but then a loud female scream was heard from outside the door. Concerned, Austin went to look, and immediately his eyes widened. Without a word, the colonel raced out the door despite Willow's pleas for him to come back.

"Where did he go? Surely he'll not desert us?" Lady Buffy asked fearfully, her 18th century mentality was such that the noblewoman was dependent on the men-folk to protect and defend her.

Willow would have locked the door, but her hands lacked any substance to do so. "He'll be back," the redhead said to her companion. "Trust me, he'll be back."

The noblewoman did not look convinced. But outside, Steve Austin was running towards a screaming brunette girl dressed in a leopard-like cat outfit, with what looked like a Sasquatch chasing after her. Cordelia Chase looked back at the thing right on her tail, and then bumped straight into Steve.

"Xander! Help me!" the cheerleader pleaded, not knowing that her classmate was possessed by his Halloween costume.

"Get inside the house," Austin commanded her, pointing and shoving her in the right direction. As Cordelia took off, the Sasquatch – or Bigfoot, call it what you will – started slowing down as it came towards Steve. As it came to a halt, Austin said, "You're a long way from your cave, buddy boy. What are you doing here?"

The Sasquatch – actually, a former alien construct with bionics not unlike those of Austin himself – came to a complete halt. Staring at Steve in puzzlement, the creature squatted down and emitted a loud, rumbling noise.

"Hello again, old friend," the bionic man took a risk and placed a hand on the Bigfoot's shoulder, hoping with all his might that the creature would remember him. "Are you in pain? I thought you were fully healed now, after our last meeting in the mountains..."

The Sasquatch didn't know what was going on. Ever since it had awakened in this strange place, the constant screaming and bad smells and artificial lighting had gotten on its nerves. But now it had met a human who wasn't afraid of it, and vaguely smelled like one of its own kind. It emitted a low growl which, unfortunately, Steve couldn't understand.

"I'm sorry, pal. I don't know what that means, I don't have one of those alien translator devices with me right now," Steve said apologetically. "Look, if you can understand me – I suggest you go find somewhere to stay under cover, at least for now. I'm not sure how much I'm willing to believe of what I've been told tonight, but if it's all true? Well, you and I don't really exist," the former astronaut shrugged. "This is all just a...a magic spell, apparently."

The Bigfoot briefly placed a hand on Steve's arm in confusion, since the former android could sense that the human cyborg didn't intend any harm towards it even if there was little else that made sense. Then sharing a long look with the bionic man, it turned around and lumbered off into the night.

"Godspeed, old friend," Steve murmured, before going back into 1630 Revello Drive.

***

**A warehouse in the industrial district, Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

After Lady Buffy had run away from the house, an unfortunate series of events had culminated in the white hats getting trapped in one of the bad parts of town. Steve was throwing the little child-sized monsters around left and right, but hamstrung by Willow's orders not to kill or seriously injure any of the possessed kids around him, he simply wasn't making any headway into winning his current battle.

The mini-demon army was commanded by the vampire named Spike, a.k.a. William the Bloody, who looked annoyed rather than concerned at Steve's actions. "Will one of you idiots just take care of that bloody ponce already?" he shouted at his minions for the night.

Nearby, Cordelia was being held securely even though she was gamely attempting to get free. The vampire with a soul named Angel, who was coincidentally Spike's grandsire, also struggled to get loose of the two demons holding him captive. "Buffy!" he shouted.

The black-haired noblewoman was weeping and trembling helplessly, trying to back away from the flaxen-haired demon heading straight towards her. "Please..."

"Look at you! Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb," Spike jeered, as Buffy backed up against a crate and couldn't back off any further. William slapped her across the face with the back of his hand. "I love it!"

"Didn't anyone ever teach you how to treat a lady properly?" Spike heard Steve Austin's voice behind him, before the man gripped the vampire with his bulldozer-strength right arm and hurled him head-first into the wall at 50 mph, scrambling Spike's brains. "Well, allow me then..."

"That guy, you can tear his head off!" the impotent Willow ghost called out to Steve, from the middle of the room.

But just then, something unexpected happened. At Ethan's costume shop, the focus of the mage's spell – the bust of the statue Janus – was destroyed, and the chaos magicks were abruptly terminated. Willow ceased to be a ghost, vanishing out of the warehouse and waking up in her body not far away. Buffy ceased to be a noblewoman, throwing away the black wig in disgust as Spike decided to run for it. The demons turned back into upset and frightened children...

But Xander Harris collapsed screaming onto the floor. His right arm, both his legs and left eye beginning to collapse inwards and bleed profusely, as the bionics within them disappeared and the absent human tissue was unable to be regenerated by his normal, pitifully mortal body...which in turn was due to how magic tended to go all 'wonky' around him.

***

**Sunnydale General Hospital, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

The physician on duty looked up in surprise as Angel burst in, carrying Xander in his arms. ( _What the-?_ )

Buffy, Willow and Cordelia were right behind them as the ensouled vampire spied a gurney and placed the bleeding male teenager within it. The medical intern thought that the patient looked to be in terrible shape, even from a distance like this.

"We need some help here!" Angel called out authoritatively, just as Willow called out, "Somebody, please help!"

The intern came over and demanded to know, "What happened?"

"Gang attack, he got hurt by some guys who were high on PCP," Buffy said the first thing that came into her head, as she certainly couldn't tell anyone around here the truth.

The intern recoiled at once. "Dr. Wilkinson!" he called out as a nurse came over to assist, and her eyes went wide as well.

The female doctor came over at once as the intern tried to do whatever he could. "Good God! Get him into Trauma 1, starting binding the wounds. Also do a CBC, Chem 7, type and screen," she commanded.

"Yes, doctor," the intern said as the gurney began to be wheeled away.

"What does that mean?" Buffy looked very upset, as she had no idea what the techno-babble meant.

"Are any of you related to the patient? Family of some sort?" Dr. Wilkinson asked as they headed towards the emergency room doors.

"No," Cordelia said with a shrug, ignoring the angry looks from Buffy and Willow.

"Then I'm sorry, but I can't tell you anything right now," Dr. Wilkinson said to the group, as the intern and the nurse took Xander into the ER.

"No, stop! You can't go beyond this point, hospital rules," the doctor suddenly ordered the girls, who were trying to follow the gurney.

"But it's Xander!" Buffy almost yelled. She would have done something stupid and barged past the doctor anyway, the M.D. and the huge, hulking orderlies could have done little against someone with Slayer strength – but luckily, Angel was there to grab her by the shoulder and prevent Miss Summers from needlessly making a scene that way.

"I'm sorry, but like I said you can't go any further; the public isn't allowed beyond this point. I, I promise we'll do everything we can to help your friend," Dr. Wilkinson said, before she backed in and the doors slammed shut in the Scooby Gang's faces.

Willow wiped her tear-streaked eyes. "How could this happen? All the rest of us are fine! I'm fine. Buffy, are you fine?!"

"Yeah, I'm 100 percent," Buffy nodded, still looking tempted to barge into the ER and start demanding answers which the doctors didn't have yet.

"I don't get it either," Cordelia frowned. "I mean, what's so special about that big loser that his body started self-destructing like that?" She saw the glares from Buffy and Willow and said, "What? I'm just saying!"

"You need to learn the meaning of the word 'tact'," Angel said reproachfully, which instantly made Cordelia stiffen at the insult. "From what I've heard, Xander saved your life tonight from that Bigfoot creature which was chasing you. So it wouldn't kill you not to call the guy names at this particular point in time."

"Fine! Well, I know when I'm not wanted," the Chase girl glared at the vampire, mentally crossing him off of her 'salty goodness' list. She then marched off to the public phone booths to call her family chauffeur, for a quick ride home.

"Good riddance," Willow muttered under her breath. Then she said more loudly, "I, I better call Xander's parents, right? Tell them, well – n-not what happened, but just get them here. And, and Giles too, don't you think?"

"Good idea, Will." Buffy suddenly looked exhausted, and pretty much melted into Angel's arms. "I-if this is mystical in nature, he'd be the one to go to and all."

Willow left to find a free public phone as Buffy and Angel made their way over to some nearby chairs, and settled in to wait for some news from the hospital staff.

***

**Elsewhere in the hospital**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Not long after the midnight hour, Xander's parents Anthony and Jessica Harris had finally made their way here to Sunnydale General. Tony Harris certainly didn't look pleased to be here, that was for sure. And what exactly that was due to wasn't hard to guess, right now.

"So bottom line this for me, doc. What's wrong with the kid?" Tony demanded.

The man known as Dr. Backer stared at Dr. Wilkinson for a moment, finding it hard to believe that this guy was being so abrasive instead of being worried about his son. "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Harris," he said. "But I'm afraid that your son's injuries are very severe, and-and since we don't actually know what's happened-"

"I asked you a simple question," Tony interrupted, looking meaner and brutish than ever. "What's wrong with him?"

"His left eye is completely missing, and his right arm is no longer attached to the shoulder. His legs look as if they've been crushed, and there are also faint signs of radioactivity there for some reason we can't possibly understand," Dr. Wilkinson spoke up. "A number of ribs were broken, a heart valve was damaged, and his skull was fractured. We operated as soon as possible, but unfortunately there was relatively little we could do. So the bottom line is, your son is now a paraplegic. He'll need a lot of special care and therapy, but hopefully one day he'll be able to walk again with the use of crutches-"

"WHAT?" Anthony Harris roared.

His wife Jessica looked scared. "What are we supposed to do? We don't have medical insurance, so how are we gonna pay for an extended stay in hospital?"

"Well, there are a number of disaster relief funds you could possibly apply for," Dr. Backer replied uncertainly.

"We already tried that when my brother Rory had to stay in hospital for a while," Tony glowered. "This is gonna bankrupt us, isn't it?"

( _Oh, for God's sake! Their son could be dying in the ICU right now, and all these two are worried about is money?_ ) Dr. Wilkinson thought to herself in contempt. But the medical professional simply said, "Look, Mr. Harris, I know this has been a very traumatic experience for you and your wife, but we need to focus on the big picture here. Namely, Alexander's medical needs-"

"Do whatever is necessary for him," Tony said abruptly, surprising the hell out of everyone in the room. "I just need to talk to my wife for a minute in private though, is that okay?"

"Of course," Dr. Backer replied, sharing another glance with Dr. Wilkinson as the two parents left the room.

Both doctors had no idea that this would be the last time they would ever see Anthony and Jessica Harris, ever again.

***

**Private room, second floor of the Sunnydale General Hospital**

**November 3****rd****, 1997**

Xander Harris lay in the hospital bed, his one functional eye staring blankly at nothing. He felt resigned more than anything else at the news from a social services worker that his parents had packed their stuff and disappeared out of Sunnydale, evidently in order not to have to deal with him and his situation.

But apart from resignation, he also felt – old. Because he could remember Steve Austin's life as clearly as if he'd lived it all himself.

Xander could remember what it was like growing up in Ojai during the 1940's and 50's, and enlisting in the army as a chopper pilot during the Vietnam War. He could remember transferring to the Air Force, and then to NASA, and meeting Dr. Rudy Wells. He remembered the accident, and trying to commit suicide afterwards. He remembered the months of therapy, and meeting Oscar Goldman, and then the operation costing six million dollars. Most importantly, he remembered the two people which had meant the most to Steve Austin in the entire world...

Jaime Sommers-Austin, his wife as of three years ago, and his son Michael, born in the early 1960's and following in his father's footsteps – all the way to his own accident and his own bionic implants.

Xander sighed, even though it hurt. He hadn't needed the doctors to tell him what was wrong: the Steve Austin memories were very clear on what this sort of pain was all about, and he had already guessed what had happened to him. After the spell-induced bionics had disappeared into oblivion they'd left open, gaping holes where his body parts used to be.

Why this had happened, he didn't know. But Xander was in bad shape, and there was nothing Giles could do for him.

The Watcher had been here a while ago, along with a broken and crying Willow, and explained the situation as gently as he could. Buffy and Angel had briefly visited as well, but they hadn't stayed long. The Slayer obviously had a case of terminal guilt about what had happened to him, even though she shouldn't have, and the vampire couldn't really think of anything to say that wouldn't sound hollow and insincere.

"My God, but you still look like a complete mess!"

( _Oh, wonderful. The perfect way to end the perfect day._ ) Xander turned his head around and said slowly, "Cor-de-li-a."

Queen C looked at him and then said to herself, "Right, tact, I made a mental note on how I'm supposed to practice that more often. Well, anyway, I won't ask how you're doing, because it's obvious you're doing absolutely lousy, like to the nth degree. I just came over to talk to you, before my father comes in to visit."

( _Your father?_ ) Harris thought to himself in confusion, his brain wasn't working very well thanks to all the pain meds he was currently on.

Cordelia was easily able to guess his train of thought, though. "Yeah, I told my dad how you saved my life on Friday night, and once he heard that your parents had split town – hell, all of Sunnydale knows that by now, it was the biggest gossip at school today – Daddy agreed to pay for all your medical expenses from now on. Whatever he can do for you for saving my life from that Bigfoot monster, he will."

( _Ol' wide eyes wasn't a monster, damn it, he was my friend!_ ) Xander thought angrily to himself, unable to suppress the Steve Austin memories on the subject. But all he could manage to say was, "Fri-iend..."

"Well, let's not get all mushy about it. But yeah, I guess you can call me that now if you want to," Cordelia misunderstood and briefly looked uncomfortable. "And just so you know, I heard the Mayor is planning to make a speech concerning you, something to do with an urban safety program to combat the 'gang problem' we have in this town.

"Yeah, right," the young woman rolled her eyes cynically. "So be prepared to find yourself a celebrity for a while, 'til something else gets its fifteen minutes in America."

Miss Chase looked as if she was struggling to find the right words for a moment. "I just...look – believe it or not, I'm sorry this happened to you, dweeb. I know we fight like all the time, and just the other day I wished that you really would get run over by a bus like this; but you deserved better than that. I really do hope that despite the odds, you get better soon."

With nothing left to say, Queen C simply turned around and left the room. Xander watched her depart, the exasperation and annoyance factor a welcome, if fleeting, feeling of normality in his life.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**December 3****rd****, 1997**

The weeks had passed, and the Hellmouth had continued to throw all sorts of hijinks the depleted Scooby Gang's way. Ethan Rayne had come and gone out of their lives again, and freely admitted that there was nothing he could do to help Xander before the demon Eyghon had shown up. Right now, though, Buffy and Willow were discussing the latest threat to have crossed their path; the psychotic killer robot calling itself Ted Buchanan.

"I am so glad that THING has finally been disassembled," Buffy said to her gal pal as they headed towards the library. The Chosen One had only just begun to get used to the fact that Xander wasn't attending school with them anymore, and so didn't automatically seek him out to include him in the conversation. "And between planning to marry my mom and sneaking into my room that way, I'd say Robbie the Robot deserved everything he got last night!"

"Um, Buffy?" Willow said tentatively, "I gotta tell you, the real Ted must've been a genius. Because there were design features in that robot he created which pre-date anything in the mainstream, at least during the 1950's..."

"Willow? Please tell me that you didn't keep that psycho machine's robo-parts to play around with?" Miss Summers looked scandalized.

"Uh, some of them. Because I..." Willow paused and then nerved herself to continue. "Look, I-I've had a while to think about it, and I've come to the conclusion that we've been going about the Xander situation all wrong. If magic can't fix what's happened to him, then maybe good old physics and engineering can."

"Huh?" Buffy didn't get it. "What are you..." Then the penny dropped. "Oh, come on, you can't be serious! Willow, this is real life, not TV or the movies!"

"I've been doing a lot of reading ever since last night," Miss Rosenberg insisted. "And I'm sure that Ted's hardware can be modified to fill in for Xander's missing pieces, that's not the problem..."

"Then what is?" Buffy asked, even though she still couldn't believe they were actually having this conversation.

"I'm not a doctor," Willow confessed rather awkwardly. "I mean yeah, I know the theory. But there's more to being a surgeon than just book knowledge, the same way there is to being a computer hacker after simply reading that stupid Internet for Dummies book. The sad fact is, I can't do it all by myself – we need to recruit someone else with the right skills to operate on Xander, to make sure Ted's machine parts are properly integrated within his body – especially the nervous and circulatory systems."

"Uh-huh," Buffy replied, humouring her. "And I'm sure all the doctors at the hospital are immediately gonna volunteer for something like that, and run the risk of getting their asses sued off in court if something goes wrong..." She sighed at Willow's hurt expression.

"Well, it's the truth! Okay, fine. Just for the sake of argument, Willow, have you got someone in mind for the job?" the Slayer demanded.

"Um, yeah," the redhead admitted uneasily. "But I don't think you're gonna like who..."

***

**Sunnydale General Hospital, Sunnydale, California**

**December 4****th****, 1997**

"What the hell is HE doing here?" Cordelia yelled from Xander's bedside, glaring at the young man who had come in with Willow and Buffy.

Pointing at the boy named Chris Epps, Cordy added, "This ASSHOLE was part of that sick and demented plan to kidnap me, and turn me into the Bride of Frankenstein three months ago!"

"I, I'm sorry about that – but, y'know, in my defence I couldn't go through with it in the end, and I actually helped Buffy here stop it," Chris said timidly, figuring he was never going to live down what had happened with his zombie brother Daryl back then.

"So what do you want for that, a medal?" Cordelia sneered at him. Then she returned her attention to the hacker and the Slayer, "All right, you two, spill. Just what was going through your tiny little minds, bringing that creep anywhere near me?"

"Well, we didn't bring Chris here to talk to you, we wanted to talk to Xander. What are you doing here, anyway?" Willow demanded.

"Oh, Cordy visits me every so often. Apparently there's no one else at school who can keep up with her, so she needs to trade insults with me in order to maintain her edge," Xander said to her. He could speak normally again now, at least.

In response to Willow's stare Harris added, "Don't look at me like that, Will; it's not like I could prevent it, especially with her dad paying my bills and all. And oddly enough, I appreciate spending time with someone who doesn't keep blaming themselves for something that wasn't even their fault."

( _Ouch._ ) Both Buffy and Willow flinched at that one, but they simply couldn't help their feelings, despite how many times Xander had asked them not to indulge in their constant guilt trip.

"Xander..." Buffy started to say, even though she had no idea what to add after that.

"Maybe we can just get on with why I'm here? I do happen to have other commitments, you know," Chris spoke up.

"Good idea," Willow said, easily ignoring Cordelia's dirty look. "Okay, Xander, I've talked it over with Chris, and we've come up with an idea..." She then proceeded to explain it in full.

"You CAN'T be serious!!" Cordelia exploded once Willow had finished talking.

"Why not?" Miss Rosenberg demanded. "It'll work, I know it will..."

"Oh please, you actually wanna let this loser operate on Xander, and just make things even worse? Willow, have you finally burned out all of your few remaining brain cells?" Miss Chase wanted to know. "Not to mention the fact that the hospital staff will never let you do it!"

"Yeah, well, I guess that's where someone like you comes in. You're gonna have to convince your dad to move Xander to somewhere more private, somewhere where we can carry out the plan," Buffy informed her, Willow and Chris had made a true believer out of her lately.

"Fat chance," Cordelia replied rudely. "God, Buffy, I can't believe that you of all people are going along with this, this, this insanity! Has all that hair dye finally leached into your brain or what?!"

Buffy just glared venomously at the beauty queen, hating to be reminded that she was not a natural blonde. "You know something? I'm suddenly deciding this is absolutely none of your business, so why don't you just take a hike before I show you what Slayer strength is really capable of?"

"Guys?" Xander, who had been silent up until now, finally spoke up. "We have a visitor."

The teenagers all whirled around, and everyone but Chris relaxed when they saw Angel's dark and imposing form. "Who's this?" he asked nervously.

"My boyfriend," Buffy said, as she immediately went to give him a big hug and kiss. "Angel, what are you doing here?"

"I've been lurking around the hospital a lot ever since Halloween, I know how much you worry about Xander's safety; since it's a public building and all," Angel confessed, glancing at the male teen.

"I'm touched. Apart from that thing of, y'know, having my very own vampire stalker, of course," Xander said sarcastically.

"He's a VAMPIRE?!" Chris yelped, instantly moving back.

"You can relax, I don't bite," Angel said brusquely to him. "Look, I couldn't help overhearing what you guys were talking about just now..."

"And?" Buffy prompted him.

Oddly, Angel aimed his reply at the patient instead of his soul mate. "Xander, if you do decide to do this – try to replace your missing body parts with mechanical substitutes – then there's no way Willow and this guy will ever be able to pull it off at any conventional hospital. There are too many rules and procedures, too much paperwork that couldn't be filled in properly; besides, they're both underage and lack any formal qualifications. Those two can't just try to sneak in at night and do it in secret either; these days, there are security cameras monitoring everything everywhere, it'd never work."

"So what do you suggest?" Xander held the undead guy's dark eyes with his one brown one.

"I've heard about someone on the demon grapevine," Angel confessed. "His name's Dr. Gregson, he has his own place in Los Angeles. Fully equipped; I'd say he'd be your best bet for finding a medical facility willing to look the other way during the operation, if the price is right."

"Angel? What is it you aren't telling us?" Buffy asked, sensing how her boyfriend was attempting to conceal something.

( _Damn. She knows me too well by now,_ ) the ensouled vampire thought with a mental sigh. Then he said, "Gregson is a Slod demon, according to my information – so he's not exactly bound by the Hippocratic Oath, if you know what I mean."

"Great! More demon stuff," Cordelia exclaimed, looking annoyed. "God, Angel, I am SO glad that I never went out on a date with you. You'd have offered me blood instead of wine during the dessert, or something equally as gross!"

"Are you still here?" Buffy threw her an angry look.

"Okay, guys, time out," Xander said tiredly. "Everyone except Willow, could you please wait outside for a while? I need to talk to her – alone."

Buffy and Cordelia didn't look happy at being excluded from proceedings like this, but they nonetheless followed Angel and Chris outside. It was a psychological thing – both teenagers had an alpha female mentality, and the reluctance with which they left was evident with every step that they took and every backwards glance at the patient. The guys were different, although no less concerned, but at least they knew enough to give the two women lots of space for now.

Once the door had shut, Xander fixed his eye on Willow. "So, Will. You really think that you can fix me?"

"Well, yeah. I mean it should work in theory and I can't think of any reason why it wouldn't work or else I wouldn't have come to you with this, I-I-I know it sounds like a long shot but I'm pretty sure I can pull it off if everything goes to plan-"

"Willow! Breathe," Harris cut off the babbling redhead with an unwilling smile. "Come over here a minute, and look at me." She did so, yet wouldn't make eye contact with the man. "I said look at me, Willow. Right in the eye, or I call everyone back in here and tell them the whole crazy plan is not gonna happen."

Reluctantly, Miss Rosenberg obeyed orders, even though every time she saw his disfigured face and body it made her want to cry. "Xander..."

"Willow, you have to convince me that you can do this without the damn waterworks," Xander said simply. "Because I can remember what Steve Austin went through after he had that kind of surgery, and there is no way in hell I'm gonna put myself through something like that without knowing beforehand that there's a good chance of success. I wouldn't survive it, I'd go completely nuts afterwards and kill myself somehow."

He saw her expression and went on, "This isn't a game, proving that you're way ahead of the rest of the class at school or something. It's not about feeling sorry for what happened to me either, if I thought it was then we wouldn't be having this conversation. This is about being a grown-up, Will, and making grown-up decisions.

"It's my life we're talking about: so that means being willing to accept the consequences if something goes wrong. And don't you dare try to tell me that you can guarantee how everything's gonna be hunky-dory, somehow. So let's hear it, Willow. Convince me that you know what you're doing, and that this is the right thing to do."

Somewhat hesitantly, the young woman began to speak. She noticed that Xander never interrupted, he just listened carefully and asked questions whenever she wanted to know if there was anything he didn't understand. Willow was surprised at the extent of Xander's knowledge thanks to the Halloween possession, and so she began to lecture him on the finer technical points, treating Harris as an equal for once instead of a hopeless romantic crush.

Finally, Buffy's impatience was too much for her to withstand any longer. She stuck her head inside the room and said, "Xander, is this gonna take much longer?"

The paraplegic young man just glanced at her before looking back at Willow. Then he said, "No, Buff, I don't think so. I've made up my mind; we're doing this."

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**September 8****th****, 1998**

It was a sight none of the students had ever expected to see again: Xander Harris walking amongst them on his own two legs once more.

The surgery had gone well. Willow and Chris Epps had made a good team and Dr. Gregson had been fascinated to watch them perform the procedure, even assisting as the nurse. There had been a number of details to take care of, namely making sure that no one ever saw Xander arrive and later depart the premises; since the human-looking demon doctor didn't need the state medical board to investigate and then remove his license for illegal surgery by a pair of minors.

But there had been no problems from the operation, and now with the months of agonizing therapy behind him the young man was coming to visit Giles at the library.

"Xander? Good Lord, I-I-I wasn't expecting this," Rupert stammered. "Sit down, for heaven's sake, you must be-"

"I'm fine," Xander was determined to nip this in the bud right now. "And I'll say this only once, Giles. Don't try to treat me like an invalid, because these days I could kick your ass from here into next week. Just treat me like you did before, G-man, and we'll get along okay."

"Don't call me-" Giles automatically began to say, before taking off his glasses and smiling. "Heh. Welcome back, boy. This place hasn't been the same without you, truth be told."

"Yeah, I know. Cordelia came to visit me often enough in LA that I know what's happened ever since January," Xander said, a troubled look on his face. "Angel losing his soul and Buffy disappearing out of Sunnydale back in May, I mean. Only trouble is, no one knows where she went. So, what can you tell me?"

Unenthusiastically, Giles began to speak. Xander could tell he was omitting a lot from the story, but what little he did say did little to endear him to Xander's heart.

In the end, Harris said, "So lemme see if I can summarize: Angel lost his soul, and terrorized Sunnydale for four months because Buffy simply couldn't dust the guy like he was any other vampire. Then Dead Boy found this stone demon of some sort, and almost caused the end of the world after torturing and somehow tricking you into telling him what he wanted to know. Buffy then managed to kill Angel and carry you out of that mansion, dumping you at the hospital before taking off. That about cover it?"

"Well, yes. I suppose so-" Giles started to say.

"Okay, then I have some questions. Like why didn't you request some help from the Council to kill Angel as soon as he went bad, instead of depending on a traumatized 17-year-old girl to do it? And don't try to tell me that there was no rear-echelon support you could have called upon, I'm willing to bet the Watchers are lot like the OSI – the Slayer isn't the only weapon in their arsenal. It can't be," Xander said emotionlessly. "The world would have ended up in Hell centuries ago, because all it takes is just one demon having itself a really good day – and the Chosen One can't be everywhere at the same time."

"Well, I..." Giles floundered, as he didn't want to admit the truth. Namely, that he'd been afraid the Council wet works team would have killed Buffy as well as Angelus for unleashing that soulless vampire in the first place.

"And another thing: what about Willow? I know Ms. Calendar had started to teach her how to do magic, but Willow kept going on her own with that after Ms. C was killed. That's why she insisted on doing that soul curse, even though the Willster was fresh out of a coma and the odds were that it should have failed.

"In fact, from what Cordy says, Willow DID fail, but she was possessed by something or someone that channelled the mojo through her. So my question is, what possessed her that day, Giles? Did you ever even try to find out?" Xander asked in that way-too-calm voice.

"Well, no," the Watcher had to admit. "I, I've been busy looking for Buffy-"

"Who's developed quite the reputation around here," Xander interrupted. "Not that she didn't have a reputation when I was still a student in this school, but murder charges are something else. No, wait, I guess they're not – she WAS about to be charged with murder before that robot Ted revealed his true colours, right? Kinda makes me wonder what would have happened if Ted hadn't showed up again when he did, and exactly what you and the Council would have done about it."

"Is there a point to all this, Xander?" Giles asked somewhat irritably as he started polishing his glasses.

But Rupert was astounded when Xander abruptly grabbed his glasses and crushed them with his bionic hand, not even wincing when the jagged edges bit into his palm.

"Yes, there's a point! My point is, there have been a lot of mistakes around here, ever since I got my ass benched from the Slayage! My girls have been in trouble, and I couldn't do a damn thing to help them. But that's all gonna change now, I promise you.

"I'm not sure how yet, exactly," he noted, "but there won't be any more of the crap that happened around here during junior year, that much I can guarantee."

Xander whirled around and left the library, leaving behind an astounded and a rather nervous Watcher in his wake.

***

**The sewers beneath Sunnydale, California**

**October 23****rd****, 1998**

As Buffy battled a number of vampires who were planning to make a sacrifice of newborn babies to the demon named Lurconis, Giles and Joyce watched Xander race after one of the robed personnel who had made a hasty retreat down the tunnel.

"What does that guy think he's doing?!" Joyce demanded, before her daughter unleashed a makeshift flame-thrower at Lurconis. The middle-aged woman currently acting like a teenager then screamed in fear, pressing against her 'date' for tonight.

"Oh, Xan-man's gonna get up to something pretty damn violent, I'd reckon," 'Ripper' Giles answered with a sharklike grin, not knowing that in a few minutes Harris would return with an unconscious Mayor Richard Wilkins, whose plans for ascension were effectively ruined now.

***

**Abandoned mansion on Crawford Street, Sunnydale, California**

**December 27****th****, 1998**

"So you tried to commit suicide on Christmas Day, and it snowed in California for the first time EVER. Coincidence? I think not."

"I have to agree," Angel replied guardedly, and the least bit nervously. To his undead senses, Xander didn't really smell human anymore: there were too many artificial body parts throwing off his scent, thanks to Willow and Chris's handiwork a year ago. "Someone or something definitely wanted me to live-"

"You mean apart from Buffy? Yeah, no argument there. The question is, though, why? Why is it so important for you not to end up dust? According to Buffy, six months ago that Whistler person said that it was all to do with that big demon rock your evil alter ego almost destroyed the planet with. But that's all over with now, so what new apocalypse is coming our way?" Xander asked.

"I don't know," the vampire admitted.

"Do you think it could be Angelus again?" Xander asked challengingly. "Because I heard Willow gushing about how you and Buffy have finally gotten back together. Oddly, it's like she's completely forgotten what might happen if you end up having another happy and go completely psycho again."

"That's not gonna happen," Angel said immediately.

"Really? You can guarantee me that?" Harris said cuttingly. "I sure hope so, for your sake. Because just so you know, if you ever lose your soul again? I'll come after you at once with everything I've got, and I won't rest until you're dust. And if you think Buffy or anyone else could stop me, guess again – I almost broke Slay-gal's arm one time, when the Buffster tried to stop me from going after that asshole Trick 'for my own good'."

Xander headed towards the door, dropping a warning over his shoulder as he left. "Consider this the only warning you'll ever get from me. Stay miserable as hell in my town, or else suffer the consequences."

***

**Outside the Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**February 1****st****, 1999**

"Hey, O'Toole? Been looking for you. And why am I thinking that that car isn't yours?"

The zombie known as Jack O'Toole looked up, and saw Xander Harris standing beside the vehicle he was about to boost to go to the graveyard and raise his buddies from the dead. "Beat it, Harris, before I slice open your face."

"Yeah? So how you gonna do that after I rip both your arms off, dead man walking? You think I didn't notice the lack of a pulse when you bumped into me inside the Bronze just now?"

O'Toole snarled, pulled out the knife he'd affectionately (and psychotically) named 'Katie' and exited the car; but the overconfident and sociopathic zombie never had a chance to avoid Xander's fist crashing straight through his face, and out the back of his skull.

***

**Downtowner Apartments, Sunnydale, California**

**February 13****th****, 1999**

"So it's like this. Buffy killed a man, and you saw it happen?"

"Yeah," the brunette Slayer named Faith said a little too defensively.

"And you waited until now to report it, why?" Xander continued his relentless questioning.

"What's it to you?" Faith demanded angrily.

"Buffy's my friend. The last time she was accused of murder, I wasn't here and I couldn't help her," Xander said with a frown. "According to her version of events, she threw that guy Finch to you in the middle of the fight with those vamps – and you staked him before you realized he was human."

"Yeah? Didn't realize B was that good at telling fairy tales," Faith sneered, even if on the inside she was starting to panic now.

"No one ever told you about my left eye, did they?" Xander asked, a hard look appearing on his face. "Because you see, Faith, I always know it when people are lying to me. There are a number of tells that the normal human eye can't pick up, but my artificial one can. Body heat, muscle twitches, that sort of thing. Basically, that's how I know that your pants are totally on fire right now."

Caught and feeling goaded beyond endurance, Faith lashed out with a Slayer punch: but Xander caught it in his right hand. The brunette Slayer fell screaming to her knees, as the bones in her hand were almost crushed by the inhuman amount of force being applied by her companion.

"Now, if I've finally gotten your attention, I'd say we need to talk some more about what actually happened that night..."

***

**Outside No. 4 Parkview Crescent, Sunnydale, California**

**April 13****th****, 1999**

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting to ever see this."

Cordelia turned around with a sigh, dropping her suitcase onto the ground. "Xander, I'm really not in the mood. I just lost my home, my clothes, my car, everything. My dad's about to go to jail, my mom's hit the road, there's almost no money left for me to live on; so the Chase family is now officially a loser. We've hardly spoken to one another all year, so just spare me the gloat-fest on how Queen C finally got hers, okay?"

"What made you think I was here for that?" Xander asked curiously.

"Well, you know," Cordy said uncomfortably. "It's what we do, snipe at and insult one another."

"Then it's long past time we called a permanent ceasefire and admitted that we're not enemies anymore, don't you think?" Harris asked her straightforwardly. "You helped me when I needed it, Cordelia. So please, let me help you now when you need it."

"How? Can you just snap your fingers and make the IRS forget it ever investigated my dad's tax fraud?" she demanded harshly.

"No, but I can help you make a new start in life," Xander replied. "Because, see, the Cordelia Chase I know wouldn't just roll over and die because of a minor little setback like losing all her wealth. She'd take life by the balls and squeeze 'em until she got everything back that's rightfully owed to her. So, are you gonna come with me to my place and let me help you figure out how to get back to the top where you belong, or are you just gonna stand there and feel sorry for yourself?"

Cordelia's eyes blazed, as she finally started feeling alive again and threw her suitcase into the back seat of Xander's beat-up used car. "Fine! I'll show you..."

***

**Just outside the Sunnydale town limits, California**

**July 10****th****, 1999**

The bus roared off heading south towards Los Angeles, after a very boring high school graduation ceremony the previous month.

Cordelia was aboard, on her way to her new life far away from the Hellmouth. Right now Faith was with a Council shrink, Buffy was with Angel, Willow was with her boyfriend Oz, and Giles was with Buffy's mother Joyce – thanks to a very interesting episode regarding the high school band candy last year, and Xander telling the Englishman that life was too short not to grab every opportunity that came your way.

Xander himself gunned his car, heading the opposite way to the bus. He was headed for northern California, a road trip to the dense forests of the San Angelo Mountains.

He wanted to see the place where the Sasquatch was reputed to live, believe it or not.

Who knew, maybe he would get lucky and meet up with his Halloween friend, and hang out with a different sort of crowd for a while before finally heading off to see the sights of LA.

***

Next: Story 10 - Is There A Doctor In The House?


	10. Is There A Doctor In The House?

**Date written**: Sat 10 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** What can you say about reruns? Like Francis Eugene once wrote, they're the most valuable export of the U.S. – not! Still, one particular show has been on for a long time, and here in Australia, the affiliate network never seem to get tired of putting it on the air. In conjunction to this I wanted to do a 'ship that I've never done before, and so somehow, this story seemed to fit the bill. And before I forget, thanks to everyone who's sent reviews and feedback!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 10: Is There A Doctor In The House?

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

It all started innocently enough, while Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg were just indulging in a bit of girl talk before buying their costumes for tomorrow night's Halloween escort duty. But as they say, no good deed ever goes unpunished.

"What'd you get?" Buffy asked her red-haired best friend.

"A time-honoured classic!" Willow said enthusiastically, holding up a ghost costume.

Buffy sighed, "Okay, Will, can I give you a little friendly advice?"

Just then Xander Harris came over to join his girls, a lot earlier than he should have. "Hey, guys. So, what are you two vixens talking about?"

"Nothing," Buffy exhaled in defeat, glancing at Willow before shifting her attention back to her male friend. "Anyway, Xander, what kind of costume did YOU get?"

"I was gonna get a toy gun to go with my army fatigues at home – be the two-dollar costume king and all that," Xander grumbled. "But unfortunately, my well-laid plans have hit an unfortunate snag. Namely, a snotty little eight-year-old brat with a complete battleaxe of a hard-nosed mom!"

"Oh, Xander, I'm sorry," Buffy told him. "And I'm also sorry about this morning, y'know, that thing with Larry."

"Do ya mind, Buff? I'm still trying to repress about that," Xander told her frankly. "Still, I know one way you could make it up to me..."

"What's that?" asked Willow curiously.

"Buying a Halloween costume that's either a Baywatch bikini, or a comic superhero spandex outfit," the boy said with a straight face.

Both Buffy and Willow slapped him lightly for that. Not enough to hurt him in any way, but Xander briefly acted as if he'd struck by Slayer strength anyway.

"Come on, Xander! Be serious, what should I get?" Miss Summers asked, her back to an 18th century gown that she would have already been drooling over in another world.

Suddenly, Alexander Harris had an idea.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

( _Oh, God, HOW did I ever let myself get talked into this?_ ) Buffy asked herself miserably, as she looked in the mirror. ( _Well, I guess it could have been worse. Xander could have suggested that I dress up as a naughty nurse, instead of a regular army one!_ )

The blonde girl stared at herself in the mirror again. Buffy was wearing Xander's army fatigues that had been adjusted to her size by her mother Joyce, along with a grey T-shirt plus an olive-green cap that she had bought from Ethan's store.

( _All right, I guess I don't look too bad in this outfit – but I sure don't think Angel is gonna be impressed by it!_ ) Buffy mused. _( It doesn't look very ladylike at all._ )

Thoughts of her vampiric boyfriend were prominent in the Chosen One's mind tonight, because things had definitely started growing more serious between them lately. ( _I just wish he'd open up a bit more, darn it,_ ) Buffy thought to herself. ( _I saw Angel laughing it up with Cordelia in the Bronze the other night, so why can't he ever do that with me?_ )

"I'm done," Willow said as she put on her ghost outfit, with nothing but her regular clothes on underneath.

"That was quick," Buffy said. "But I'm telling you, Willow, if you keep hiding like this-"

Downstairs the doorbell rang, cutting the Slayer off.

"That'll be Xander," Miss Rosenberg said gratefully, not wanting to hear Buffy's speeches about dressing more daringly for Halloween again.

"Right. Come on, let's go," Miss Summers huffed. The two girls made their way down the stairs, and Buffy opened up the front door.

"Major Margaret Houlihan? Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce reporting for duty, sir," Xander saluted her as he came in wearing a set of white medical scrubs, which he had obtained at Ethan's store.

"Hey, Will! Mighty fine boo you got there," the young man added as he spied Willow's outfit. "Y'know, I still think it's too bad you decided not to make this a theme night-"

"Xander! I told you, there is no way that I was gonna dress up as Max Klinger!" Miss Rosenberg said crossly.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

Dr. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce, so nicknamed by his father Daniel Pierce because the only novel the old man had ever read was 'The Last of the Mohicans', blinked as he felt a cold breeze pass him by. Then he heard screaming, and the army doctor looked around to see children and adults being chased by some sort of monsters.

( _Oh, God,_ ) the Korean War veteran thought to himself, desperately not wanting to believe his eyes. ( _That's it, I've completely lost it again! I told Sidney that I should have been sent home after the breakdown, but noooo, he insisted on sending a terminal crazy back to his MASH outfit..._ )

"Xander! Xander!" a young redheaded teenager came running up to the man. She was dressed in rather strange clothes (at least to Hawkeye's way of thinking), but fortunately she wasn't dressed in the 1990's clubbing outfit Buffy would have chosen for her, because Pierce most likely would have never even have paid any attention to Willow if she'd been wearing that. "Are you okay?" Miss Rosenberg asked.

"Uh, I'm fine, miss," Hawkeye said slowly. "But, but where am I? And who are you?"

"PIERCE!!" a loud female bellow was heard as the doctor and the ghost turned around. The nurse known as Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan came running towards them, an angry look on her face. "Thank God I found you. What is going on here?!"

"Beats me, Margaret," the man possessing Xander told the woman possessing Buffy. Both of them could recognize the other, despite being a lot younger than the characters they were supposed to be and having different faces as well. It was a special kind of magic, thanks to Janus working his will in mysterious ways.

Hawkeye turned to Willow, "Look, miss, have you got any answers for us?"

Just then one of the local monsters roared, having spotted a potential meal, and headed towards the three of them.

"FOLLOW ME!!" Willow shouted, turning around and running in the direction of the Summers house. The two medical professionals were not slow in pursuing her, either.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

The Willow ghost looked rather relieved as she and her two acquaintances came into the house via the back door. "Hello, Mrs. Summers?" No reply. "Good, she's not back yet."

"What is this place?" Margaret demanded, as Hawkeye closed and locked the door behind him.

"Uh, it's your house-" Willow started to say.

"Don't be ridiculous," Major Houlihan snapped. "I don't know what's going on here yet, but one thing I do know: and that is, we are not in South Korea!"

"Yeah, uh, that's because this town is called Sunnydale, it's in California. And, and you guys aren't really who you think you are," Willow said helplessly.

"What are you talking about?" Hawkeye asked, eyes narrowing.

"Well, this is the year 1997 – and you two have possessed my friends Buffy Summers and Xander Harris during Halloween tonight," Miss Rosenberg said apologetically.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" Margaret exclaimed. "Now stop playing games, miss, who are you and how did we get here? Because I was born in California, and I've never heard of any place called Sunnydale in my entire life!"

"I'm Willow Rosenberg," the redhead introduced herself. "And just so I'm sure, you two are-?"

"Major Margaret Houlihan," the blonde nurse said frostily.

"Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce," the dark-haired doctor nodded.

"I thought so," Willow sighed. "Well, thank God I never dressed up as Klinger-"

"You know Klinger?!" both members of the U.S. Army Medical Corps said at the same time.

"He's just a character on TV like you guys; he doesn't really exist," Willow insisted. "And this isn't the 1950's, please believe me! Like, take a look around the house. There's got to be something here that'll convince you this isn't some sort of trick, right?"

"Margaret? I think she might be telling us the truth, or at least partly," Pierce said, as he wandered around the kitchen and then into the living room. "Look at the stove, the TV, the radio...I've never seen anything like them before. Have you?"

"No, no, I haven't," Houlihan admitted, her own eyes going wide. The house looked almost alien, compared to what the 1953 nurse was used to.

As Hawkeye passed by the front door, he heard a female scream coming from the outside. Cursing, the doctor quickly dashed out and then returned with Cordelia Chase, who was dressed as a leopard-like cat.

"Whew, that was close. What the hell was that thing chasing you?" the surgeon exclaimed as he slammed the door behind them.

"Jo-Jo the Dog Face Boy? I have no idea," Cordelia replied, shaking her head at her ripped and torn Halloween outfit.

"Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of," Willow said, immediately jumping to conclusions.

"You're in high school? Damn. There goes my idea of asking you out on a date next Friday night," Hawkeye wisecracked.

"Put a lid on it, Pierce!" Major Houlihan's annoyed voice barked out.

"Oh come on, Margaret, you know me – I gotta laugh before I cry. Or else go complete crazy all over again," Hawkeye shrugged his shoulders.

"Pierce? Margaret? Willow, what the hell is going on here?" Cordelia demanded, looking clueless for once.

"You know me? Us?" the redhead asked in astonishment. Then she pulled herself together. "Uh, basically, Buffy and Xander here have turned into Hawkeye Pierce and Major Houlihan..."

"Those two idiots from that old TV show, MASH?" Cordelia asked incredulously. "Oh my God, I really have hit rock bottom!"

"I have a plan," Willow offered tentatively, as the doctor and the nurse both looked insulted.

"Oh great, here's a lower place," Cordelia groaned.

"Cordy! Pay attention!" Willow said sharply, showing a bit of backbone for once. "I'm going to head for the school and find Giles, you stay here and keep an eye on these two. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Are you nuts? It's way too dangerous out there!" Miss Chase replied. "Believe me, I know – look at my Halloween costume! You think Partytown is gonna give me my deposit back? Impossible!"

"I'll be fine," Miss Rosenberg said, sticking her arm through the wall. "Ghost here, see? I got turned into my Halloween costume as well. Now you guys sit tight, I'll be back." The Willow ghost quickly vanished out through the wall.

"Oh my God," the straight-laced army nurse collapsed onto the couch. "I did NOT just see that!"

"The whole ghost thing? Yeah, kinda makes me think I've left on another trip to Crazy Town myself," Hawkeye sat down on the couch as well, as he patted her knee.

"But look on the bright side, Margaret," he subsequently smirked. "If we've both gone completely nuts, well, at least we've got each other for company."

"Pierce..." Major Houlihan grumbled, before a reluctant grin slid onto her face and she snorted in amusement. "Hawkeye, you're unbelievable. You'll never change, will you?"

The doctor simply shrugged. "I'm certainly not planning on it. Wine, women and song, that's my motto!"

"I can't believe I actually have to listen to this conversation," Cordelia muttered to herself, heading into the kitchen. "Stupid Hellmouth..."

***

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Buffy knocked on the door to Xander's house, feeling rather nervous and concerned. This was the first time she'd ever actually been here, and she wasn't exactly looking forward to the conversation she was going to have with her Xander-shaped friend.

Last night hadn't been too bad, all things considered. After Angel had arrived and Cordelia had told him what was going on, there had been a couple of vampire attacks, but the bad guys had been beaten off and eventually the spell had been broken without Buffy running off screaming into the night at the sight of Angel's vamp face.

Oddly, Margaret Houlihan had jumped him in the kitchen and delivered a powerful right hook to knock Angel out for ages. Being an army brat and the daughter of Colonel Alvin 'Howitzer Al' Houlihan did come with some perks, after all.

Buffy had felt just awful about it afterwards, though. And her feelings towards Xander were now very confused. She could not help associating him with his fellow clown, Hawkeye Pierce – who was also the man Margaret Houlihan had once slept with, and shared a very passionate, prolonged and open-mouthed kiss with upon the unit's complete withdrawal from the 4077th MASH camp.

"Yeah?" A middle-aged balding man opened the door, and almost slurred the question.

"Hi, I'm here to see Xander?" the female teen said, wondering if this was her friend's father. "I'm Buffy Summers, we go to school together."

The man almost started undressing her with his eyes, which really creeped Buffy out, before he turned and called out, "Hey, Xander! You got a visitor!"

The male teen quickly came down the stairs. Upon seeing Buffy he said "Thanks, Dad, I'll take it from here."

The balding man shrugged and decided to leave the two teens alone. Xander gestured to his friend, "Come on, let's go down to the basement. We'll have a lot more privacy down there; my uncle Rory's visiting us this weekend."

Buffy followed Xander silently, not sure what to say. The Harris boy switched on the light, and turned to face the Slayer. "So what's this about, Buff? I wasn't expecting you to come over today."

"Well, uh, I wanted to talk to you, make sure you're okay after what happened last night-"

"I could say the same thing about you," Xander interrupted. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm, I'm coping," Miss Summers said uneasily. "You?"

Xander couldn't and didn't want to lie. "Oh, I remember everything, Buffy. I can remember Hawkeye's life like I lived it all myself. You?"

"Yeah, me too," Buffy confessed. "It's...weird. 'Cause there's a lot of parallels, like my parents and hers getting a divorce. Her moving around all the time, and me moving from LA to Sunnydale. And this morning, I had to stop myself from raiding my mom's liquor cabinet on account of Margaret's drinking problem!"

"Same here," Xander shrugged. "The TV show didn't even come close to showing how much Hawkeye drank, to let him cope with three years of hell. I also have to cope with the memory of being responsible for the death of a baby on that bus, and ending up completely nuts afterwards. Lots of fun, I can promise you."

"I'm sorry, Xander," Buffy said sincerely, shaking her head. "Um, do you remember-?"

"The sex between us – I mean, them?" Xander hastily corrected himself, looking guilty as hell. "Yeah, yeah, I do."

"This is just way too weird," Buffy complained again, as she started to pace around the basement. "I'm not even 17 years old yet! How am I supposed to deal with remembering what it's like to be married and divorced, with a cheating husband?"

"You think you've got it bad? Pierce had his way with so many women it's a headache just trying to keep all the names and faces straight," Harris shook his head. "Both during World War Two, and the Korean War."

"I can remember World War Two as well," Buffy told him, a faraway look in her eyes. "But I don't WANT to, y'know? I just want to be ME again!" Buffy almost started shaking uncontrollably. "I don't want to be some hard-as-nails army leader, who's had a whole string of failed relationships with men!!"

Xander automatically took her in his arms and hugged her tight, wishing he could make all the bad stuff go away for the girl he truly loved beyond any other.

***

**The Sunnydale Mall, Sunnydale, California**

**January 21****st****, 1998**

Angel looked down at the dusty remains of Drusilla in dismay, as Buffy ran off to help her friends gather up the remains of the Judge – well, what was left after blowing him up with a rocket launcher, that is.

Angel couldn't help thinking to himself that it shouldn't be like this, somehow. Because it hadn't been at all pleasant for him to witness the end of his romantic relationship with Buffy, after the advent of All Hallows' Eve.

The young woman had been changed profoundly by her experiences, just as Xander had been. The ensouled vampire had noticed the new vibes between those two, and so had Willow; it was obvious how they were getting closer and closer, and so Angel had backed off, trying not to pressure Buffy into anything.

Unfortunately, Xander now had a range of medical skills that had come in very useful whenever Buffy had gotten hurt on patrol, and the stares between them whenever the two teens thought he wasn't looking had set Angel's teeth on edge. Over the past three months, things had gotten colder and colder between him and his girlfriend, to the point where Buffy had chosen Xander instead of himself to help her steal a rocket launcher tonight, the instrument with which the gang had destroyed the Judge.

Departing from the urban battlefield, Angel finally found himself at Spike's warehouse. He knew that it would be relatively safe to come here, since most of the minions would have been wiped out along with the Judge at the mall just now.

"Hello, Spike," he said simply to his grandchilde.

"Well, well, if it isn't the big poof," William the Bloody sneered from his wheelchair, even though his grandsire could hear the hidden concern in his voice. "You got some wrinklies showin' yer face 'ere, mate!"

"I came to tell you that Dru's dust," Angel said emptily, as Spike's eyes went wide with horror. "Buffy staked her at the mall, after she took care of the Judge. It's just you and me left now, Spike."

"BULL! You're a bloody liar!" William screamed in denial, even though he knew that the odds were that Angel wasn't playing mind games. That was more the province of Angelus, his soulless counterpart.

"No I'm not," Angel said regretfully, walking over to the wheelchair. "Look at you, Spike, you're a mess. Without Drusilla to take care of you, just how long do you think you'll last? You'd get staked or thrown out into the sunlight by one of your own minions soon enough. That's why I thought I'd do you one last favour, and at least make it quick."

"YOU-" Spike's eyes went wide, and he tried to twist aside in his wheelchair. But it was no use: Angel's aim with his weapon was deadly accurate, and the British one-time poet/vampire was subsequently no more.

Disheartened, Angel made his way back to his apartment. For the first time, the Irish-born vampire started wondering whether it would be wiser if he simply packed his things and moved out of town.

***

**Sunnydale General Hospital, Sunnydale, California**

**March 9****th****, 1998**

Xander Harris was a rather worried young man, as he sat outside Buffy's hospital room.

He and Willow had followed Buffy out on patrol tonight, as they were both very concerned about her. Over half the school had come down with a terrible case of the flu, including the Slayer, and yet Buffy had insisted on heading out onto the streets to do her duty.

Harris suspected the influence of Margaret Houlihan in that attitude, the focused and disciplined approach reminding him greatly of the Korean War nurse. But unfortunately Buffy didn't know (or at least, wouldn't acknowledge) her own limitations, and so she had collapsed in the middle of a cemetery before he and Willow had rushed her over here.

"Hello, Xander."

Looking up, the male teen saw Angel sit down beside him. After all these months, Harris didn't even flinch at the ensouled vampire's presence: because here and now, Angelus was just a dusty old entry in the Watcher diaries.

"Hey, man, where the heck have you been lately? We haven't seen you at the library or out on patrol for ages!" Xander demanded.

"I've been busy. How's Buffy?" Angel asked in concern.

"She'll be okay, I'm pretty sure. Willow and I brought her to the hospital just in case my using someone else's memories to diagnose her medical condition was a mistake," Harris exhaled. "It's dangerous doing that, y'know. I mean, I've tried my best to hang onto all those memories, remember as much as possible in order to be able to help out however I can – but the more I do it, the more I find myself acting like I'm HIM. My God, Angel, I actually propositioned Cordelia the other day; and I could have sworn she seriously considered the idea of going out on a date with me!!"

"So how does Buffy feel about that?" Angel asked, feeling his anger boil and churn within him.

"I haven't told her yet. But Willow gave me a tongue-lashing the likes of which I've never experienced in my entire life, after I confessed to her," Xander shuddered. "I never realized she actually knew that kind of language! It must be from hanging out with that Oz guy. 'Cause he's in a band, and we all know what those types are like!"

Angel shook his head. "Do you love Buffy?"

"Huh?" Xander looked surprised at the abrupt change in subject.

"You heard me. Do you love her, yes or no?"

"Of course I do, I have ever since the moment we first met. Remember that conversation we had about it in your apartment last year?" Xander demanded. "Okay, yeah, I'm doing the whole wandering eye deal right now, I can't help it – but none of those girls will ever measure up to Buffy, and we both know it. Hopefully, I'll be able to kick the bad habit soon..."

Angel took in a deep breath, or at least he would have if he was actually alive. "I want you to be the first to know – as soon as Buffy's feeling better, I'm leaving Sunnydale."

"Say WHAT?" Xander turned to face his undead companion, eyes wide. "Why?"

"Ever since Halloween, it just hasn't been the same between us," Angel confessed, wondering why the hell he was unburdening himself on the competition. Deep down, his inner demon was howling and demanding to sink its fangs into the boy's throat for daring to intrude on his territory, but the soul knew that wouldn't help him win Buffy's heart back. "And I've noticed how you two are a lot more comfortable around each other now. Once I'm gone, I suspect that if you were to make your move – Buffy wouldn't reject you this time."

Without another word, Angel lurched up and walked off, leaving a stunned and open-mouthed Xander behind him. He hated to do it, but Buffy deserved to be happy – and if Harris was the one to accomplish that now instead of him, then the ensouled vampire knew he just had to accept it and move on.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**March 14****th****, 1998**

Angel had disappeared out of Sunnydale, not long after the demon named der Kindestod had been killed at the hospital. It was certainly a battle to remember, too.

Buffy, sick and delirious with a fever, had nonetheless managed to accomplish her duty by snapping the child-killer demon's neck in the basement. Xander had been there at the time, herding away a group of sick little kids, and after it was all over, he had carried Buffy away from the field of battle as well.

"Here you go, honey. Peanut butter and jelly, without the crust, just the way you like it," Buffy's mom Joyce came in with a sandwich on a plate and a glass of juice.

Buffy, who was lying comfortably in her bed, just looked at her mother with a semi-forlorn expression on her face. "And the juice?"

"Two parts orange, one part grapefruit," the middle-aged woman said with a smile, as she put the food and drink on the nightstand.

"That's the Buffster's drink all right," Xander said from his position on the floor, munching on some cheesy chips.

"Mrs. Summers, could I get a refill?" Willow asked, holding out her glass from the other side of the bed. Then Xander caught her eye, and she quickly adlibbed, "Oh, on second thoughts, I better go get it myself. I need the exercise!" So saying, the redhead followed Joyce out the door.

"So, Buff. How are you dealing with Angel deciding to bail that way?" Xander asked as tactfully as he could, which wasn't much.

Miss Summers frowned at him for a moment, before sighing. "Honestly? I'm upset, but at the same time kinda relieved. It was getting really awkward between us towards the end, y'know? Maybe he was right, and this really was all for the best. I'm pretty sure Mom's glad that he's gone too – she was kinda suspicious of his motives when I brought him home to meet her, before he explained about the whole vampire thing." Buffy sighed again.

"Angel and me, we, uh, we talked. At the hospital, the night you were first admitted," Xander told her reluctantly. "He said...he said..."

"What?" Buffy asked curiously.

"That he was leaving town. And that once he was gone, you'd be free game, so to speak," Xander said in a rush before he lost his nerve.

"WHAT?" Buffy looked astonished as she whipped her head around. "Xander, what are you..." Finally, the tumblers clicked into place within her mind.

"Xander, are you saying that you still want me? That you're still in love with me, like you were at Spring Fling last year?" she demanded.

"Oh God," Xander groaned, causing Buffy to smile. Continuing after the briefest of hesitations, he said, "Yeah, I am. I never stopped, Buffy-"

That was all Buffy Summers needed to hear, as her innermost desires ceased to be repressed and she dragged his ass onto the bed. Buffy's mouth descended on his, in a crushing, soul-devouring kiss. In return, Xander's tongue moved in slowly, barely grazing the tip of hers in a sensual caress that sent heat coursing throughout the Slayer's body.

But then Xander pulled away from the Chosen One's mouth, his breath already coming in quick pants.

"You're sure?" he asked, holding himself tensely. "Are you absolu-"

Pulling his head back down, Buffy plunged her tongue into the warm depths of his mouth. Xander groaned, pulling her much closer. ( _Oh dear God, is this finally really happening?!_ )

"Does that...answer your...question?" Miss Summers asked, in between planting kisses on his lips.

"Oh, yeah," Xander replied huskily, even as he let her go and slid off the bed after hearing Willow and Joyce returning towards Buffy's bedroom.

"Buffy Summers, you just made me the happiest man alive!"

***

Next: Story 11 - Voyager!


	11. Voyager!

**Date written**: Sun 11 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** This story is dedicated to Jon-Erik Hexum, who died way too soon in life. And thanks, as always, to everyone who has sent reviews and feedback!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 11: Voyager!

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

"HARRIS!"

Xander Harris felt the big meaty hand on his shoulder turn him away from the damned soda machine, and as soon as he saw who had called out his name the young man grew slightly nervous. His companion was no one to be messed with, after all.

"Hey, Lar. You're lookin' Cro-Mag as usual. What can I do you for?" Xander asked.

Larry Blaisdell, the junior football team quarterback, just stared at him for a second. "You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?"

Xander took a moment to think of the beautiful blonde vampire Slayer whom he was in love with. "I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss."

Larry either didn't get it or didn't want to get it. "So, she, she's not your girlfriend?"

"Alas, no," Xander sighed as he thought to himself, ( _Much as I hate to admit it, Buffy only has eyes for a brooding creature of the night that preys on naïve teenagers..._ )

The quarterback looked over at the Summers girl as he walked around Xander. "Do you think she'd go out with me?"

"Nah," Xander shrugged. "The Buffster's already got a boyfriend. Well, sorta."

"Yeah? Who?"

"Uh, he's an older guy, don't know him that well myself. I know Angel hangs out at the Bronze, and um, he looks as if he's somewhere in his twenties," Xander said, which technically was nothing but the truth.

( _Damn. Never mind, I guess it was worth a shot,_ ) the hulking football player thought to himself in disappointment. Larry was still a teenager after all and didn't care to mess with older guys outside school. He could kick ass, but preferred that it be people just as old or younger than him. "Well, thanks anyway Harris."

"You're welcome, Lar." Xander started banging on the soda vending machine again.

Larry paused before hitting the machine in a particular place, and a diet Dr. Pepper rolled out of the machine at the bottom. "Score!" he said proudly, grabbing the carbonated drink.

"Uh, Larry? That was sorta mine, I mean I just put a dollar in there?" Xander pointed out the obvious.

"Ah, relax," Larry said, putting his hand on Xander's shoulder again as he steered the male Slayerette away from the machine. "Tell you what, I'll make it up to you. You're takin' part in that Halloween escort thing tomorrow night, right?"

"Yeah," Xander grimaced, not looking forward to having his evening filled with looking after little kids as they went about sleazing candy from the town residents.

"Well, so am I," Larry said as they continued to walk. "And thing is, I'm dressing up as a pirate this year. So I'm gonna need me a crew, right? That's why you should dress up as a pirate too, and hang out with the in-crowd for once in your life. What do you say?"

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that day**

"Buffy!"

Caught in the act, Buffy Summers yelped, "Giles! Hi!"

"Excellent, I'm glad you're here," Rupert Giles said, not noticing his Slayer's nervousness. "I-I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow night. As it should be, uh, calm, you might work on some new battle techniques."

Buffy, who was just glad that her Watcher hadn't figured out her mission to sneak into his office and 'borrow' some of his diaries in order to find out more about Angel, shook her head. "You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun in your life."

Willow and Xander, who were both there thanks to the snowball effect of Harris never getting into a fight with the Chosen One over Larry this morning, simply stared at their friend as Buffy gestured to them to go get what they'd come here for. Willow shook her head, too frightened, but Xander gamely squared his shoulders and ventured into the lion's den.

Giles was totally unaware of the violation of his sanctum sanctorum and told his charge, "Fun? I'll have you know that I have very, uh, many relaxing hobbies."

"Such as?" Buffy wondered in honest perplexity.

"Well, um...I enjoy cross-referencing," Giles came up with rather feebly.

"Do you stuff your own shirts, or do you send them out for it to be done professionally?" Buffy asked facetiously. Then she and Giles heard a noise as the clumsy Xander bumped into something in the librarian's office.

"What was that?" Rupert asked, turning around.

"What was what?" Buffy asked desperately, getting in his way.

"I heard something-"

"I didn't. Oh, Giles, I almost forgot!" Buffy urgently tried to get her Watcher's attention. "Um, Ms. Calendar said that you were a babe!"

Rupert stopped dead in his tracks, and turned slightly to see the teenage girl squirming. "She said what?"

Acting meek and uncertain Buffy replied, "Well, she said that you were a...h-hunk of burning...something or other. So, whaddaya think of that?"

It was patently obviously the Englishman didn't know what to think of that, since the beautiful Computer Science teacher was someone he had been developing feelings for lately, but this was like a bolt of lightning straight out of the blue. "Uh, I...I don't, um, uh...a burning hunk of what, exactly?"

"Look, you know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grown-ups having smoochies, but...I think you should go for it." With her enhanced Slayer hearing, Buffy had heard Xander come out of the office and so she knew it was time to start wrapping this little charade up.

Giles said hesitantly, "Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but..."

"But I've overstepped my bounds. It's none of my business, I know that." Buffy started stammering, "What was I thinking? My God! Shame, shame. I gotta go!" The tiny blonde quickly stampeded out of the library, Willow and Xander having already long since departed.

Giles was honestly not sure what to make of the conversation just now. "A babe?" he asked himself. Then he smirked to himself, as primal male ego surfaced in his character for once. "I can live with that..."

Outside, Buffy quickly found her friends and said, "Whew, that was close. Xander, did you get it?"

"Well, uh, I thought he was gonna come in and bust me, y'know, so I sorta just grabbed the first thing I saw on G-man's desk, and then I kinda ran for it..." Xander babbled helplessly.

"XANDER! This book isn't even in English!" Willow exclaimed, after grabbing the tome from his hands and examining it carefully. "There are no pictures inside it either!"

"Hey, I'm sorry! Tell you what, Will, the next time we try to commit a felony against a member of the teaching faculty like that, YOU can be the one to sneak into Giles' office!" Xander said to her in annoyance.

"You mean, I went through all that for NOTHING?" Buffy said in dismay as Willow gave the book back to Xander. "God, Xander, sometimes I think you can't do anything right!"

Harris was getting pretty tired of his girls ragging on him this way. Instead of thanks for putting his ass on the line that way, they were criticising him instead?

( _What_ _the hell, maybe I WILL join Larry as a pirate tomorrow night,_ ) he thought to himself obstinately, as destiny took an unexpected left turn.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

As the chaos magic saturated the entire town, a number of things happened. First, all the people who had bought their costumes at Ethan Rayne's costume shop changed into whoever or whatever they'd dressed up as, thanks to the chaos mage's curse. Second, all the children and adults possessed by demons and monsters instantly went on a rampage, hunting down any of the normals in sight.

In the case of Xander Harris, though, something rather odd happened. He had kept the book he had stolen from Giles' office on his person tonight, figuring that he would return it after the evening's trick o' treating was over. But the presence of the book – a book of Slayer prophecy – warped the chaos magic into something unexpected, creating a costume persona for Xander out of a TV show that had lasted barely one season during the 1980's.

Phineas Bogg shook his head, disoriented and confused. ( _Where am I?_ )

The Voyager, a member of a group of humans who travelled back and forth through time to help correct history whenever it went wrong, had no idea where he was, or when, or even what was going on. He quickly looked around for the boy named Jeffrey Jones – a young orphan who had joined him in his travels, not long after Bogg's graduation from the Voyager Academy – but he was nowhere to be seen. ( _Damn it, kid, where are you?_ )

Instinctively, Bogg reached for his omnichron, or omni for short. It was the device used by Voyagers to travel back and forth in time. Shaped like a small brass pocket watch, Bogg quickly found it in the back of his pants; it had been created by tonight's chaos magic to go with the Halloween costume persona, namely a 17th century pirate plucked out of his own time and trained to be a Voyager.

Bogg frowned as he stared at the omni's inner control panel, which featured a small display of the Earth surrounded by associated control dials for selecting the target time and space. The omni also had two indicator lights – one red, one green – to indicate whether the flow of history was right or wrong. A flashing red light meant history was incorrect, and a steady green light meant that history was as it should be.

Unfortunately the red light was currently flashing furiously, which could only mean trouble. Then Bogg saw the readout for when and where he was.

( _California, 1997? This is impossible! The omni's only able to take me as far as 1970...oh man, don't tell me the damn thing's malfunctioning again?!_ ) Phineas groaned to himself.

Putting away his temporal transport apparatus, the Voyager ignored the chaos all around him for a moment as his hands found something else in his pockets. Bogg's eyes went wide, as he recognized the Voyager Guidebook; something Phineas thought he had lost ages ago.

( _What the hell? Where did this come from?_ ) He flipped through the book, seeing the Voyager logo as well as the inscription 'Time Waits For No Man'. ( _Have I...have I been dreaming for the last year, or what?_ )

"Xander, Xander!" Bogg spun around to see a redheaded teenager in a sexy outfit racing towards him. "Are you okay?"

The womanising time-traveller automatically turned on the charm, as he smiled at the female stranger. "Oh, baby, where have you been all my life?"

Unfortunately, the girl only looked annoyed. "Xander, quit messing around. This is no time for jokes!"

"Who's Xander? And what's going on around here?" the Voyager asked, after figuring the rock 'n roll groupie wasn't romantically interested in him. Phineas briefly looked around before saying to his companion, "For that matter, miss, who are you?"

"What? It's me, Willow!" the red-haired girl said vehemently, but then her face fell when she finally understood the situation. "You don't know me?"

"Never met you before in my life," Bogg replied, again looking around briefly. "Uh, you haven't seen a kid named Jeffrey Jones anywhere around here, have you? Dark hair, about yea high, roughly thirteen years old – you couldn't miss him..."

Unfortunately, Willow had no idea who Bogg was talking about. "No, Xa – look out!" she screamed, pointing at a monster heading their way. "Follow me!"

Bogg wasted no time sprinting after the girl, even as his jaw dropped down at watching her go straight through a parked car of all things. There was no time for questions, though, and so he just kept running.

( _Man, WHAT is going on here?!_ )

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

Phineas stood discreetly in the background, as he watched the 18th century noblewoman babble incoherently to the ghost or whatever the hell she was. He had obeyed Willow's orders and brought the black-haired female here, instead of following his initial impulse to take her back to 1775 where she obviously belonged.

But now, Bogg was starting to question just WHY Willow was insisting that Lady Buffy belonged in the here and now.

"Where are we?" the noblewoman finally asked, starting to wander around the house.

"This is your place," Willow replied, wondering just what to do in order to fix this mess.

"It most certainly is not!" Lady Buffy snorted in disdain. "Are you so feeble of wit as to think I would not know my own demesnes?"

Willow looked like she wanted to bang her head against the wall. "Buffy, listen to me! Please, try to remember who you really are..." She pointed at a photo of herself, Xander and Buffy all posing together in a group shot. "Look at this, it's a photo of you and me and Xander. Doesn't that ring any bells for you?"

"No! I, I don't understand any of this! Uh, uh, this...this isn't me, this is some other girl!" Lady Buffy put the picture back down after examining it for a moment. "I would never wear that, that low apparel, and I don't like this place, and I don't like you, and I just wanna go home!"

"Well, that can be arranged, milady," Bogg said courteously, before checking his omni; it was still blinking red. "But unfortunately, we can't leave just yet. I'll let you know when it's time, okay?"

"Thank you, kind sir," the noblewoman sent Bogg an honest smile of gratitude and a small curtsey. "My father will no doubt reward you handsomely."

"Xander, what do you think you're doing?" Willow said in exasperation. "I already told you, Buffy isn't who she thinks she is! She's the vampire Slayer, she's just been possessed by her Halloween costume tonight – the same as you! Please stop encouraging her delusions!"

( _You're the one who's obviously deluded, Red,_ ) Bogg thought to himself snippily. ( _Whatever the heck you are, anyway..._ )

Just then, a loud female scream was heard outside. Not an unusual occurrence for Sunnydale, and especially tonight, but still it was something for the white hats to be concerned about nonetheless. Bogg went to the front door, looked outside and then rushed out like a knight in shining armour to rescue the damsel in distress.

As the door slammed shut Lady Buffy cried out, "Come back! Please, do not desert me!"

"Uccch," Willow muttered to herself. "Well, if that's not setting feminism back over two hundred years, I don't know what will..."

"What was that?" the noblewoman asked, turning to the ghost.

"Nothing," Willow said, rolling her eyes. "Don't worry; I'm sure the big strong man will be back to protect you at any moment..." And sure enough, Phineas soon returned with the young woman named Cordelia Chase, who was dressed in a leopard-like cat outfit for Halloween.

"Okay, that was weird," the Voyager said to himself, after encountering that Sasquatch outside.

"I'll say! What's going on around here?" Miss Chase demanded of the room in general.

"Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of," the ghost said with a rapid burst of communication.

"Ah, never mind her. All I want to know, baby, is where have you been all my life?" Bogg once again tried to put the moves on the latest beautiful woman to cross his path this evening.

"What's that riff about? You're not, like, trying to come onto me, are you Xander? Because that would be über-strange behaviour, even for you," Cordelia observed as she backed away in disbelief. Even though, deep down, she felt that her childhood enemy cut a rather dashing figure in his pirate garb.

"Xander? The name's Phineas Bogg," the Voyager said uneasily, starting to wonder if something really was wrong if yet another person was calling him that name tonight. Checking his omni, he was gratified to see the indicator light was finally showing a steady green, obviously he'd helped history get back on track by saving the brunette beauty's life just now.

"Ah, milady, it's time. If you'd care to tell me where exactly home is, I can take you there at once," Bogg offered to the noblewoman.

"What?" both Willow and Cordelia said at the same time in confusion.

"York, England, kind sir," the noblewoman sighed in relief. "My family's estate on Blake Street, to be absolutely precise."

Bogg adjusted his omni for the right destination within the space-time continuum, after which he grabbed Lady Buffy's shoulder...and then they were gone in the blink of an eye. One moment the Voyager and the noblewoman were standing in the living room, the next moment they simply weren't.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Cordelia shrieked, looking around for her missing classmates wildly.

Freaking out herself, Willow had utterly no idea.

***

**Blake Street, York, England**

**October 30****th****, 1775**

Lady Buffy screamed, as she and Bogg plummeted out of the sky and landed ker-splat in the middle of the dirty and dusty road. Fortunately, it was late at night and no one saw the time travellers arrive out of a portal to the future.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" the noblewoman screamed as she got up, rubbing her aches and pains as she headed for the sidewalk. For his part, Bogg got up without complaint: he was far more used to the hard landings associated with the job.

"Err, the cosmos, milady," the Voyager said uncomfortably, figuring it must have been a shock to the woman in question to fly along the arch of the universe that way. He still didn't know how or why she had ever wound up in the 20th century, but he figured it didn't really matter now. "Unfortunately, it was the only way to bring you home. I mean, here we are," Phineas gestured around at the 18th century world.

Buffy, still possessed by her Halloween costume persona just like Xander despite the lack of chaos magic, simply let out a sigh of relief at the familiar surroundings. In the noblewoman's mind, the pain and fear just now more than made up for arriving where she thought she belonged. So Lady Buffy drew herself up haughtily and said, "Thank you for escorting me home. But that will be all, so kindly withdraw from my presence forthwith."

( _Well, that's gratitude,_ ) Bogg thought to himself cynically, as he followed her whilst checking his omni. This was a green-light time and place, so he relaxed slightly. ( _Still, never mind; as long as everything's back to normal, I can live with that. _)

"Err, I can't help recalling something about a reward, milady?" Phineas asked mostly as a parting shot, as he got ready to resume his Voyager duties. Bogg was still worried about Jeffrey Jones, and figured he should drop by 1982 to make sure the kid was safe where he belonged.

Assuming, of course, that the orphan boy actually existed and Bogg's omni could take him that far forward in time now. One assumption being false and the other being true, unfortunately.

Luckily, Phineas took an extra moment to make sure his Guidebook was still there, which was why he saw the noblewoman stiffen at the sight of the building known as the York Assembly Rooms. "Is everything alright, milady?"

"This isn't my home," Lady Buffy said in confusion. Which wasn't actually surprising since all the memories in her head were fictional ones, created by Ethan's chaos magic. And now that the noblewoman was where she mistakenly believed she belonged, the inconsistencies were finally showing up.

"What is this? I recognize the street, I know where I am but, but this isn't..." the noblewoman gestured helplessly.

Bogg frowned, and stuck out his arm for Lady Buffy to grab hold of. Gratefully, the noblewoman let him escort her inside the dance hall and social activities building. But once inside the York Assembly Rooms, Lady Buffy let out a gasp of horror as she and Bogg passed the vestibule.

Because a soulless vampire was snacking on one of the servants, draining her dry of blood and letting the corpse fall to the floor.

Angelus – a vampire sired in 1753, yet already a legend in the twenty-odd years he had walked the earth as a soulless monster. He took one look at Buffy, wiped his lips of blood and said to Bogg in his Irish accent, "Pretty lass ye got there, lad. So how's the gentleman o' fortune trade workin' out for ye?"

Phineas Bogg's eyes were almost bulging out of his head, as the Voyager had no idea what was going on. He couldn't even guess what Angelus was, as the TV show character simply could not entertain the concept of vampires – given his lack of real-world knowledge. He just backed away, yanking Lady Buffy along, and got out his omni for them to get to somewhere (and somewhen) safe.

But with vampiric super-speed, Angelus sprang upon them.

Bogg only just had time to press the button on the omni before all three disappeared.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California **

**October 31****st****, 1997**

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Cordelia shrieked, looking around for her missing classmates wildly.

Freaking out herself, Willow had utterly no idea of what was happening. But just then, Angelus, Lady Buffy and Bogg appeared just below the ceiling and fell down hard to the living room floor. The ghost shrieked herself and got out of the way as Angelus arose, a snarl visible on his game face.

"Angel?" Cordelia asked, eyes wide. ( _Oh my God, he really IS a vampire!!_ )

"Where in the name of Satan's deeper-most Hell am I?" the vampire demanded, feeling as out of place as Lady Buffy had done just a short while ago. Then Angelus's eyes widened, as he saw a sight near the kitchen door which he hadn't seen in 22 years.

Namely, someone with his face staring right back at him. "What the-?"

The 244-year-old version of the vampire, Angel, had no idea what was going on. But vampires could sense other vampires, soul or otherwise, and so he could feel the other demon as a primitive reflection of himself. And there was the sight of his own face, which quickly decided the matter for him.

"Where did you come from?" Angel demanded with his American accent, which instantly annoyed Angelus no end.

"Never mind that, old man," the younger vampire said with that jarring old Irish accent. "Where are we? And what's that funny smell coming off of ye?"

"You can't be here – this is impossible," Angel said, eyes narrowed. "And that'd be Liam's soul you're smelling, boy."

"You'd be smart not to call me that, if ye know what's good fer ye," the soulless vampire grunted, even as his guts contracted in horror. Angelus was smart enough to have already figured out the gist of what had happened, who and what Angel had to be. "Where's Darla?"

"Dust, NOW!" Angel shouted as he noticed Bogg about to smack Angelus on the head with a table lamp, going for the moment of maximum distraction. The Irish vampire began to turn around, but it was too late: he ended up out cold even as the lamp shattered in half.

"Find something to tie him up with, Xander," Angel ordered, as he began to drag his younger self to a chair.

( _There's that funny name again,_ ) the Voyager thought to himself in annoyance, even as he began to obey orders. ( _Damn it, what is going on in my life right now?_ )

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that evening**

The chaos spell was over, as the Willow ghost had gone to the school to find the Watcher and Giles had eventually tracked down Ethan Rayne, beating him up until the mage had revealed how to stop the spell. Thus, everyone had gone back to normal...but there still remained the pesky problem of how to deal with the 1775 version of Angelus, who was now locked up within the book cage.

"So what do we do with him?" Buffy asked, staring at the prisoner and feeling like he was creeping her out. The fact was that she had never wanted to know what Angelus was like, she had never wanted to think about the evil demon that lived underneath her boyfriend's skin; and yet now, she was learning that knowledge whether she wanted to or not.

"Well, my vote says we just stake him," Cordelia said pragmatically.

"We can't do that!" Willow spoke up at once.

"She's right," Giles nodded. "This...thing...doesn't belong here and now. And if we kill Angelus at this point in his existence, then Angel will most likely instantly disappear as well, and history will be disrupted in ways we probably can't even begin to imagine."

"What do you mean, Giles?" Buffy asked in confusion, not seeing Xander silently agree in the background.

The Watcher exhaled. "Angel?"

"Remember when that girl Marcie Ross trapped all of you in the basement, and flooded it full of gas? Odds are if I hadn't shown up when I did, you'd all be dead right now," Angel said emotionlessly. "Or for another example; take the night the Master drowned you, Buffy. Xander couldn't have found his way down into that underground church in time to save you, not all by himself – as it is, he just barely managed to bring you back from the dead with CPR after we got there. The Master would have brought about the end of the world that night if you hadn't been there to stop him..."

"So the old bat nose is finally dust? Well, glad you did at least one thing right," Angelus said from within his cage, finally giving up playing possum as he rose from the floor. "So what now, old man? Yer gonna find a way to send me back where I belong?"

"No. It's not that simple," Xander said, the former Voyager finally entering the conversation. "The timeline's become way too contaminated – this undead asshole has already learned too much about the future. I'd say odds are he'd find some way to avoid getting cursed with a soul when the time comes."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Angel said, staring at his doppelganger. That arrogant smirk annoyed him, as much as it had annoyed all the vampire hunters who had chased after him for 150 years. "I always was too clever for my own good..."

"We need to wipe out his short-term memory," Xander decided. "Giles, is there any way to do that?"

"Uh, yes, there-there are a number of forgetting and mind-control spells I know of..." the Englishman mused.

"To hell with that! You people aren't doin' magic on me!!" Angelus snarled, showing his demon face at once and rattling the bars of the book cage. "Try it, and I'll rip out yer hearts with me bare hands!"

Buffy just stared as everyone else ignored him, and the Scooby Gang began to put together a plan of action. After they were all agreed on what to do, Giles got out a green crystal and a sample of Lethe's Bramble, and chanted for a moment. Angelus immediately dropped to the floor, out cold and his immediate memory wiped clean.

Angel and Xander subsequently dragged him out of the book cage, and Giles and Willow began to conduct a ritual to send Angelus where he belonged, entreating Eryishon the Endless One to create a temporal fold into which the evil vampire was hurled before he and the portal vanished into thin air.

***

**York Assembly Rooms, York, England**

**October 30****th****, 1775**

Angelus came to slowly, groggily, feeling a female hand continually slap him on the face. "Angelus! Wake up, you fool!"

"Uh...Darla?" Angelus said blearily, not able to remember what had happened to him or his fantastic journey into the future. "Where am I?"

"Somewhere where you'll draw a lynch mob straight to us, if you don't help me get this body out of sight!!" Darla growled at him, very upset. "What happened to you? You fell asleep after draining this insipid fool of a girl? I thought I taught you better than that..."

Feeling like he was sleepwalking or something, Angelus mechanically got up and obeyed his sire's orders. He had the strangest sensation that he'd forgotten something; but try as he might, he simply couldn't remember what.

( _Ah, never mind,_ ) the soulless vampire eventually thought to himself, as he and Darla finally adjusted their clothes and went out to mingle with the rest of the guests for tonight. ( _'Twas most likely unimportant, anyway._ )

History had thankfully resumed its proper course, even if there was no green light from a Voyager's omni to indicate that.

***

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Xander sat leaning against the basement wall of his home, a book nestled on his lap. There was a thousand-yard stare on his face, as well as a feeling of horror in his heart as the male teenager pondered the volume he held in his hands.

The Voyager Guidebook was no more, that was true enough. It had ceased to be that after the chaos spell was over, and the book had reverted to its previous state – the 'Pergamum Codex'. The book of Slayer prophecy concerning the end times, which Rupert had obtained from Angel around six months ago, and which Xander in turn had obtained from Giles' office.

The only problem, however, was that it was not now as it had been before, a collection of barely comprehensible writings by a collection of fifteenth century seers who'd had no idea what CPR was. The text was in clear, modern English. And it didn't just go up to the May of 1997 as it had done before, either. No, the book now described what would happen to the Slayer line, all the way to roughly two centuries in the future.

Xander studied the book for a moment. Even though it was Slayer-centric, he had found enough references to himself and his friends in there to give him a VERY detailed idea of what was to come.

Billy Fordham. Eyghon. The second Slayer, Kendra. The robot called Ted. The Bezoar eggs. Angel losing his soul. The werewolf named Oz. The Valentine's Day love spell. The death of Jenny Calendar. Der Kindestod. The poltergeist, Jim Stanley. Himself almost becoming a fish monster. Kendra's death, and the Big Lie.

Xander flipped through the pages, not wanting to think about what else he'd read, and what else was in store for him and his friends (and Cordelia).

The third Slayer, Faith. The vampire Kakistos. Mr. Trick. Slayerfest '98. Spike. The rebar. The Wish. The Cruciamentum. The Deputy Mayor. Anyanka the vengeance demon, who was to become the human named Anya Jenkins. Vamp Willow. The Mayor. Faith's coma. Buffy's Graduation plan leading to Larry's death, and Cordelia's and Angel's departure from Sunnydale.

Riley Finn. Spike again. Halloween 1999. The Initiative. ADAM. Faith's awakening, and departure, and self-imprisonment. The Lowell House sex-a-thon. The big Scooby gang fight engineered by Spike. The enjoining spell. Buffy killing ADAM.

Dawn Summers. Glory. Riley's departure. Olaf. The death of Buffy's mother, Joyce. The Knights of Byzantium. Buffy sinking into a comatose state. Her big swan dive off a tower built by crazy people, and dying to save the world.

Buffy clawing her way out of her grave after Willow's resurrection ritual. Buffy singing how her soul was torn out of Heaven. Halloween 2001. Buffy screwing Spike just to feel something, anything, again. The nerd herd. Buffy juggling, during the debacle of his failed wedding to Anya. The confessions outside the Magic Box, after the free porno exhibition on TV. Spike's attempted rape of Buffy, and departure from Sunnydale. Warren shooting Buffy in her own backyard. The death of Tara, the birth of Dark Willow and her fight with Buffy that almost led to destroying the world.

The return of Invisible Willow. The return of the ensouled version of Spike. The First Evil. Buffy trying to kill Anya. Spike's trigger. Principal Wood. The demon girl named Lyssa, who almost bled him to death. The return of Faith. Caleb. The mutiny against Buffy. The "bloody brilliant plan". The Sunnydale crater.

The 1800 Slayers, world-wide. Twilight. Buffy having sex with a girl. Slayers having to go underground, in part thanks to an undead airhead getting her own TV show. The retreat to Tibet. The shocking true identity of Twilight. The end of magic, and the disappearance of Slayers and demons. A vague reference to someone named Melaka Fray, a girl destined to be born centuries from now; the last Slayer to ever wield the Slayer scythe.

( _Too much. Man, it's just TOO MUCH for a guy to deal with,_ ) Xander thought to himself in despair, briefly holding his head in his hands. ( _How the hell can THIS be what the future is destined to become?! _)

Then Harris stood up, a look of determination appearing on his face.

( _No, screw that!_ ) he decided. ( _I may not have my omni anymore, but I still have my Guidebook. Okay, make that anti-Guidebook. And sure as hell, it's not going to turn out anything like this if I have anything to say about it!_ )

Who knew? It was possible that Alexander Lavelle Harris would succeed in creating a better future for himself and his friends.

History is never certain where a Voyager is concerned, after all.

***

Next: Story 12 - Space Command


	12. Space Command

**Date written**: Mon 12 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **Hey everyone, thanks again for all the reviews so far; and may as well face it, I've become a feedback junkie. I'm desperate for people tell me something about how well or how badly I'm doing. So having said that, Wrath Shadow, I thought about doing HALO 3, but I eventually decided to go with this instead as I wanted to keep to 1997-98 real world events as much as possible. Still, thanks again for your suggested plot bunny!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 12: Space Command

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

"May I be of some assistance, young man?"

Xander Harris turned around, a look of surprise on his face. He subsequently saw a guy who was around his father's age, and who was the owner of that distinctive British accent. "Yeah, I'm after a toy gun to complete the soldier look for Halloween tomorrow night."

"A soldier? What sort of soldier? One from the Great War, perhaps?" Ethan Rayne asked, his eyes containing a momentary gleam of interest.

"Great War? I've heard the war in Kuwait being described as a lot of things, mister, but I've never heard it called that before," Xander looked confused.

( _Bloody American teenagers,_ ) Ethan thought to himself in annoyance. ( _Have you utterly no sense of history? Hmm..._ ) The chaos mage suddenly got an idea.

"I was talking about another war," the Englishman clarified his earlier remark, "you may know it as World War One – but never mind that now. Unfortunately, all I have in terms of individual weaponry was in that bin..." Rayne pointed to the empty discount bin. "...but there might be something else I can interest you in."

"Yeah? What?" Xander asked curiously.

"Come with me," Ethan gestured, and took Harris over to the counter. "I have here something very special, something I think a young man of your generation might be fascinated in. And it's something I can guarantee you no one else will be wearing as a costume tomorrow night."

Intrigued, Xander waited for Ethan to dig out that special something as his red-haired best friend Willow Rosenberg joined him at the counter. "Hey, Will. Decided on a costume yet?" Harris asked the cute and yet very insecure and shy teenage girl.

"Yep, I sure have!" the young redhead said enthusiastically, holding up her packaged ghost outfit.

Xander shrugged, thinking that his friend could do better than some wimpy chain rattler again. But at that moment, Ethan rose to his feet from behind the counter with the prize in his hands. "What's that?" Harris asked at once.

"Within this box are the costumes for a pair of videogame characters, which were put into my latest shipment by a friend of a friend. I don't know much about the game itself, except for what's detailed here," Ethan remarked simply, pushing a piece of paper forward. "The game's due for release early next year, apparently. But I'd dare say you might enjoy dressing up as this particular chap, Raynor I believe his name is."

Xander started reading the paper. He had to admit, the Englishman had certainly found something he liked. The character described, Jim Raynor of the soon-to-be-released StarCraft videogame, was described as a decent and honourable man, always willing to do the right thing no matter how difficult it may be. Someone fiercely loyal to his friends and his cause, and willing to put it all at risk for the protection of those who could not defend themselves.

Xander read further, wanting to learn more. He was intrigued to learn that Raynor was not the most intelligent man in the galaxy, but nonetheless was extremely resourceful and persistent in the face of unfavourable odds. Initially a marshal based on the fringe colony world of Mar Sara, which was controlled by the oppressive Confederacy of Man during the 26th century, the videogame involved Raynor becoming a space commander and tangling with a number of alien races; the humanoid Protoss, and the insectoid Zerg...

"Xander? Are you gonna stand there reading that thing all day?" Willow's annoyed voice cut through his consciousness. "This isn't the library, you know!"

Xander looked up, feeling embarrassed and quickly putting the paper aside. He said to Ethan, "Jim Raynor sounds like quite the guy, yeah. Okay, how much? To rent the outfit for tomorrow night, I mean?"

As her life-long romantic crush started negotiating with the owner of the costume shop, Willow picked up the paper and read it herself. Skipping over most of the information related to Raynor, Willow's eyes focused on the part where the central character of the game fell in love with a red-haired woman named Sarah Kerrigan. Someone briefly described as "graceful and deadly, exceedingly agile and athletic, possessing jade-green eyes and brilliant red hair usually worn as a ponytail".

Willow didn't bother to read further and learn more about Sarah, however, and learn about all the horrible things that happened to her in the course of the videogame: in which she ended up a spiteful, conniving, mocking, double-crossing, flamboyant Zerg-human hybrid.

Entranced by the idea of being someone that Xander had fallen in love with, Miss Rosenberg quickly cast aside her ghost outfit and began her own negotiations with Ethan. In exchange for some far-reaching word of mouth publicity, Rayne let them have both costumes at a substantial discount; Willow covering the difference that Xander couldn't afford in a gesture of true friendship.

Ethan just smiled to himself, as the two teens joined a blonde girl who was eyeing an 18th century noblewoman gown. When he had a free moment, Rayne saw the blonde reluctantly head over to the supernatural costume section, as apparently the redhead was urging her to get the Xena outfit instead. ( _Well, well. I suspect this'll be interesting tomorrow night..._ )

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

James "Jim" Raynor cursed violently, before his eyes widened in amazement.

This wasn't the ruined Protoss homeworld of Aiur, which he had witnessed the Zerg invade and nearly annihilate before the Protoss templar known as Tassadar had sacrificed his own life to destroy the evil insectoid hive mind. This place looked like an ancient version of Earth or Terra, Raynor's own home planet.

"What the-?" The former marshal and 29-year-old commander of "Raynor's Raiders" looked around for Fenix, the powerful and cunning 397-year-old Protoss who had become his ally in the war. No luck, unfortunately. ( _Damn it, where is he? And where the hell am I?_ )

Just then, Jim heard loud cursing and the sounds of a fight. Turning around, he grabbed his gun and headed off towards one of the nearby houses.

What he saw when he got there, though, astounded even him.

Wearing a soft work shirt, worn cotton pants with a leather jacket and high leather boots, the redhead wielding a knife in battle against some...things...was someone Raynor recognized at once. "Sarah? SARAH!"

Raynor charged into battle against the red and green mini-demons without a second thought. He had initially believed Kerrigan had died on the lost world of Tarsonis, slaughtered by the Zerg after being betrayed and abandoned by the man named Arcturus Mengsk; and as horrible as it sounded, that would have been an infinitely more preferable fate compared to what the Zerg had actually done to her. And yet here she was, impossibly alive and human again...

Once the demons – children possessed by their Halloween costumes thanks to Ethan's chaos spell, just like Willow and Xander – had either run off or been knocked unconscious, Sarah took a closer look at the man with a neatly-trimmed moustache and beard, plus a flak jacket and distinctive tattoos on his arms. "Jim? JIM!"

She automatically came closer, but Raynor took a step back.

"Sarah, how can this be you? The last time we saw each other, you'd become a Zerg thanks to that damn retrovirus..." he said uncertainly.

"What are you talking about?" the psychic woman inhabiting Willow's body looked utterly confused.

"We were on the planet Char," Raynor said slowly, but at least he'd stopped backing away. "You were transformed into one of them, you – you came and destroyed our base, you said you were looking for the Protoss fugitives..."

"I don't remember any of that," the psychic woman still looked confused. "So...are you saying the Zerg won our battle against them?"

"No," Raynor said firmly. "We stopped them. After Tassadar and I were rescued from Char, we finally destroyed the Zerg on Aiur. But that still doesn't explain...this. How were you de-infested of that Zerg DNA?"

"I have utterly no idea," the green-eyed female shook her head, her ponytail swinging wildly as she put away her combat knife. "But believe me, I'm not complaining about it at all!"

Man and woman stared at each other for another moment; and then, as if by pure animal magnetism, they rushed into each other's arms and kissed like there was no tomorrow. Jim had his tongue in her mouth, fiercely exploring before she returned the favour; their hands groping and caressing one another.

"Uhhh...we should stop," Sarah finally said reluctantly. Her assassin's training and the neural implants designed to control her mental abilities made the woman focus on the big picture, no matter how much she wanted to rip off Raynor's clothes and ride him like a wild stallion right there on the porch. "The area's not secure..."

"You're right," Raynor said just as reluctantly, as he let her go. He had great respect for her intelligence, just as much as Xander did for Willow's. "What do you think, we look for a warp gate to get off this planet?"

"Let's find out where we are first," Sarah replied, taking a moment to fix her clothes. "Any ideas?"

"Looks like ancient Terra to me," Jim said, as both of them stepped off the porch, guns ready. Then his eyes went wide at the sight of an angry Xena warrior princess striding over towards him, chakram held threateningly in one hand and the black-haired woman babbling in incomprehensible ancient Greek.

"Okay, this is different..." he muttered in annoyance.

***

**Elsewhere on Sunnydale's streets**

**A while later**

"Why do these terrible things keep happening to me?!" the popular girl named Cordelia Chase asked herself, trying to keep it together.

She'd just barely outrun a Sasquatch-looking creature not far from the Summers residence, her leopard-like cat costume was almost ripped to shreds, and now she was trying to make her way to the high school library. The place which meant 'safety' in her mind, these days. "I'm cursed, that's what it is. I've got to be..."

Just then she saw the people she'd been hoping to see, even though Cordy would have never admitted that either to herself or anyone else. "Xander! Willow! Buffy!"

The dork and the nerd turned to face her at once, with the freak doing so less than a moment later. Cordelia was stunned though when she found herself staring down the wide barrels of some very strange-looking guns. Not to mention a funny-looking circular blade of some sort.

"What are you people doing? Come on, we gotta get off the streets! Can't you see what's happening around here?!" Miss Chase gestured to chaos all around them.

"Who are you?" Sarah and Jim said in unison, just as Xena asked the same thing in ancient Greek.

"What?" Looking around anxiously for any signs of attack, Cordelia was nonetheless horrified to hear that these people had no idea who SHE was. Everybody knew who Cordelia Chase was, it was like an unwritten law! "What's the matter with you idiots? It's me, Cordelia! And why is Buffy the blonde wonder babbling in some weird-ass foreign lingo?"

"Buffy?" Sarah asked, glancing at Xena; who didn't seem to recognize the name at all.

"Look, uh...Cordelia, we've got a bit of a situation here," Jim said sardonically. "Can you tell us the quickest way to get off this planet? Like, where's the nearest spaceport?"

"Xander Harris, this is not the time for your jokes, damn it! Come on, we've got to get to the library!" Miss Chase started running as a roaring monster came upon them. The two people from the 26th century took aim at it, but Xena beat them to it with an amazing display of acrobatics that knocked the demon out cold.

"We follow her?" Sarah asked, gesturing to the fleeing Cordy.

"Sounds better than nothing to me," Jim shrugged, as they began to follow and Xena brought up the rear.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**Less than half an hour later**

Rupert Giles, high school librarian by day and Watcher to the Slayer by night, had begun to get rather concerned by all the noises emanating from outside his domain – when four extraordinarily dressed young people burst into the library.

Rupert's eyes went wide as he recognized Cordelia and the others. "My word, what are you-"

"Giles, we got trouble!" Miss Chase said, indicating behind her. "These three losers have gone absolutely nuts, and it's a complete madhouse out there!" She quickly collapsed onto a chair at the table.

"What? Cordelia, what are you talking about?" the Watcher demanded. Then his eyes went wide, as he saw the people possessing Willow and Xander pointing some sort of futuristic guns at him. "Oh, good Lord! Willow, Xander-"

"They're not our names. I'm Jim Raynor, and my friend here is Sarah Kerrigan," the man said, putting his gun back in his holster even as Sarah continued to cover Giles carefully. "Your name's Giles?"

"Well, yes-"

"Do you have any idea how we got here? And how we can go back to where we came from?" Sarah demanded bluntly.

"I, I don't understand," Giles stammered. "You're who? And go back to-to where, exactly?"

"Good point," the former marshal said slowly. "I figure we wanna go to my ship, the Hyperion. Do you know of any spaceport around here?"

"Spaceport?" Giles felt his jaw drop down almost to the floor.

"This IS Terra, isn't it? Wait a minute, what's the year?" Sarah suddenly asked. Upon hearing the answer, her eyes went wide as she turned to face Raynor. "Jim, I think we're in big trouble..."

"Yeah," Raynor started fidgeting nervously. He wasn't a coward; if he knew where and when he was then he refused to bow down to fear during familiar circumstances. Right now, though, he had no clue what was going on and no idea which way home lay, so that made him a mite anxious.

Just then Xena spoke up in her native language, annoyed and wanting to know what the heck the others were saying. Giles listened to her in surprise, before trying to respond haltingly with the few words of ancient Greek that he knew. The dark-haired warrior princess suddenly beamed in delight; and after being reassured that this place was not a bastion of Rome, despite its use of the Roman alphabet instead of the Greek one, she just settled down to get an idea of which way the wind would blow next.

"Cordelia? You seem to be the only one here who's currently in their right mind. Could you possibly explain to me what's happened?" Giles asked her as nicely as he could.

"Well, let's see," the brunette girl got up from the chair. "I was on my way to the Bronze, when everything just dipped straight into totally insane-o territory. Little kids turning into demons, who began to kill people – and believe me, after witnessing that, I will be in therapy for at least a month! I managed to outrun Jo-Jo the Dog Face Boy, but not before I almost got mauled, and when I finally run into the Three Musketeers here? They're acting as nutty as everyone else!" Cordelia complained. "Why the heck does everything keep imploding around me? You people, it's got to be all your fault!"

"What ARE you talking about?" Sarah demanded in confusion. With her powers she could sense that the foolish girl-child wasn't a liar, but the truth simply didn't make any sense to her.

"I don't know, and quite frankly I don't care," Jim said, making a decision. "We should get out of here, Sarah. These people can't help us, I'm pretty damn sure about that."

"No, no, please wait, Xa – Mr. Raynor," Giles corrected himself in time. "Cordelia, I have a question. Why did you remain yourself tonight, and not become affected by whatever's happened to Buffy, Xander and Willow?"

"Beats the heck out of me," Cordy shrugged, not caring about that much. "And hey, can we focus on my problems for a minute? Look at my costume, it's ruined. It's not like I have any chance of getting my deposit back from Partytown now!"

Giles said slowly, "Partytown, you say. Is, is that where the others got their costumes as well?" He was gradually starting to develop an idea about what was going on here.

"Oh, please, like any of those three social rejects could afford to shop there?" Cordelia said scornfully. "They probably got their outfits from that new place that opened up a few days ago, Ethan's or whatever it was called."

"Ethan's?" Rupert echoed in dawning horror. "You'll have to take me there at once-"

"Are you out of your teabag-swilling MIND?!" Cordelia yelped. "I'm not going out there again, I barely made it here alive and in one piece!"

Xena spoke up again, wanting to know what the others were saying. After Giles explained in his own somewhat confused and atrociously accented way, she volunteered to escort the older man to his destination. Upon getting the address from Cordelia, the warrior princess and the Watcher left, Giles cautioning the others to stay here and remain safe.

"I still say we should get out of here," Jim said to Sarah after Giles and Xena left. "What the heck is us staying here going to accomplish?"

"How about staying alive, doofus?" Cordelia told him crossly. She then yelped to find the tall and well-built man pointing his gun directly at her head.

"Knock it off with the attitude. I've had just about enough of you that I'm gonna take tonight," Raynor said warningly, making Cordelia back off in fear.

"Put it down, this is pointless," Sarah lowered Jim's arm. "Killing her won't accomplish anything except make you feel good for a few moments."

"Well, right now I'm willing to settle for pretty much anything I can get," Raynor grumbled, sending one last glare in Cordelia's direction.

"Then I've got an idea," Sarah began to drag Jim away into the library stacks. "This time, the area is secure – we'll hear her screaming from a mile away if anything comes in here, right?"

"Sarah, I do like the way you think," Raynor smiled as he escorted the red-haired woman away.

After they left, Cordelia just cringed at all the moaning and bumping noises coming from within the aisles. "Ugh. This could only happen to me..." she muttered, covering her ears.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 3****rd****, 1997**

Cordelia Chase was very glad that things had gone back to normal on Friday night not long after Giles and Xena had left, because in her opinion the constant stress was sure to put age lines on her face. That was something that could not be tolerated, as to someone of her mentality you were old and wrinkly by the time you reached the age of twenty-five and Cordy was in no hurry to grow up that fast.

"So what did you guys get up to for Halloween?" she asked her Cordettes carefully, wanting to gauge how the situation lay there.

"Oh, God, it was terrible!" the girl named Aura almost sobbed. "Did anyone else see that awful shade of lipstick worn by the lead singer at the Bronze on Friday night?"

"Yeah. God, it was horrific!" the cheerleader named Harmony Kendall nodded. "It made me want to throw up, I swear. How can that woman possibly bear to look at herself in the mirror? And don't get me started on her shoes-"

( _How_ _is it they can repress so much? And more importantly, why the heck can't I do it anymore?_ ) Cordelia suddenly snapped, her temper frayed by the fact that her so-called friends were terminally clueless and she was like the one-eyed man in the land of the blind amongst them. "Harmony. Did it ever occur to you that there are other things in life besides fashion and shoes?"

"Cordy, what is wrong with you? Did you hit your head or something?" the blonde named Gwen demanded. The way the other girls were gaping at the leader of the pack, it was obvious that such a thought had never once entered their minds.

"It's just there are...things going on in this town, and you guys can't see past the ends of your surgically altered noses!" Miss Chase said haughtily.

"Hey! My nose is the same one that I was born with!" Harmony snapped back.

"Oh, so when you disappeared for three weeks during summer break, you really did go to the Caribbean?" Aura asked with a sugary tone.

"That's right!" Harmony said huffily.

"So how come you didn't come back with a tan?" Gwen asked archly.

"Well...it rained a lot," Miss Kendall said weakly.

"In July?" Aura pounced in for the kill.

Sighing to herself as the gaggle of young women walked along, Cordelia began to mentally tune out her companions. ( _This is awful. What am I supposed to do if I can't stand my own followers anymore, hang out with the Library Loser Crowd?_ ) That thought alone made her want to shudder, it was bad enough she was dependent on those people to save her life every other week...

"Oh my God, look at that!" Harmony's screeching voice brought Cordy back to Earth. "I knew it, I knew it, I just knew it would happen!"

Cordelia's eyes searched along the line of sight Harmony's finger was pointing in, and her eyes went wide at the sight of Xander and Willow sitting up against a tree and kissing in public. And it wasn't a brother-sister type kiss either, unless something seriously twisted was going on.

"Come on, Cordelia, pay up!" Harmony said triumphantly. "You bet me five bucks that those two would never get together last year, and now I've won!"

( _Damn, and here I thought Xander would never settle for anyone other than Buffy!_ ) Miss Chase mused to herself in annoyance, as she unslung her book bag. Cordy then watched Xander pawing Willow with only the barest vestige of jealousy. Deep down, her ego was bristling that someone she was subconsciously attracted to had the temerity to never even worship at her altar, but she had no desire to admit that to anyone – including herself.

( _Well, never mind. Let 'em be happy together and raise a whole family of losers and computer nerds after high school's over! What do I care?_ ) Cordelia grumbled to herself as she paid up. Then she said to Harmony, "Hey, wanna go double or nothing on that bet? I know Michael Czajak's been making eyes at Amy Madison lately..."

***

Next: Story 13 - Tinamou


	13. Tinamou

**Date written**: Tue 13 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Some of you may know that I'm a big fan of the works of Robert Ludlum, which is what inspired me to write a story some years ago called The Xourne Identity. That's why I always wanted to do this plot bunny, and after the Bruce Willis movie was aired on TV recently, I had to write this one. And before I forget, a big thank you to everyone who's reviewed and sent feedback! Your loyalty is truly awe-inspiring.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 13: Tinamou

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

"Mom! What have you DONE!?"

The middle-aged woman looked up tiredly at her son from her position in front of the TV. "Alexander, what is it now?"

Alexander Harris, more commonly known as Xander, held up the shrunken army fatigues. "What did you do to my clothes?"

"I washed them, of course; they were filthy," Jessica said, not seeming to care much about the matter.

"Okay, mom, what did we discuss about you doing laundry after you've had a little too much to drink?" Xander said hopelessly, even as his mother ignored him in order to focus back on Jerry Springer.

( _Great, I'm less important than lesbian love triangles where one of the girls actually used to be a man._ ) Xander didn't even bother finishing the conversation, since he knew it was pointless. He just stomped off, threw the green clothes into the bin and then walked out the front door to meet up with his friends Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers.

He was going to have to come up with a new idea for a Halloween costume in order to take a bunch of little kids trick o' treating tomorrow night.

***

**Abandoned warehouse, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Things were looking decidedly grim for Xander and his friends.

After most of the gang had been possessed by their Halloween costumes tonight, thanks to a jerk named Ethan Rayne who'd thought it would be amusing to force his customers to turn into whoever or whatever they'd dressed up as, it had been one heck of a roller-coaster ride. Willow had become a ghost, Buffy had become an 18th century noblewoman, Buffy's little sister Dawn had become a giant butterfly, and as for Xander...

Well, he'd become someone from a movie that was going to be released in about two weeks' time.

Declan Joseph Mulqueen, an Irish-born former sniper and prison convict.

Xander hadn't known much about the guy; he'd just read about the movie in the paper, picked up a toy gun at Ethan's shop and told Principal Snyder that that was who he had dressed up as in order to avoid detention. It almost hadn't worked; but he and the school commandant had been right in front of a bunch of parents who were dropping off their little kids for the Halloween safety program, and so Xander had gotten away with it – thanks to the principal deciding not to make a scene in front of the wrong people.

In any case, after the spell had been gone into effect, Mulqueen and the Willow ghost had found the possessed Buffy on the street and taken her home. Declan, who'd thought he had to be dreaming after one-too-many fights with the other convicts in the prison yard, had been tempted to take off afterwards straightaway. But Angel, Buffy's undead boyfriend, and Cordelia Chase, Xander's childhood nemesis, had also shown up and the former IRA operative had thought it would be better to stick to the shadows until the chaos subsided and he could get the hell out of the country.

However this was Sunnydale, home of the Hellmouth, and so things just couldn't work out that simply.

Lady Buffy had run for her life after seeing Angel's demon face at the worst possible moment; the rest of the gang had gone running after her; and the soulless vampire named Spike had eventually chased everyone down and taken them prisoner inside this warehouse.

"Ya know what? I think I'm really gonna enjoy this," Spike, a.k.a. William the Bloody, said as he advanced on Declan. The sniper was being held captive by a number of demons, as was Cordelia, Angel and the possessed Buffy. The Willow ghost was just standing there helplessly, unable to touch or be touched in any way.

"Ya like beatin' up helpless prisoners, do ye? Shows how much courage ya really have, ye filthy coward," Mulqueen said contemptuously in his Irish accent.

Spike gave his prisoner a hard punch to the face, his fist slamming into Mulqueen's mouth. "Keep goin', mate, please. Droopy Boy or not, it's been too long since I've kicked the arse of a bog Irishman like you," the vampire said with a grin.

"Aye, I can tell. And you'll get yers soon enough, ya English pig," Declan spat blood out of his mouth. In his mind, the Irish Troubles weren't all that far back in the past after all.

"Spike! Knock it off!" Angel commanded his grandchilde, struggling with his demon captors. "Leave him alone. I'M the one whose ass you really want to kick, remember?"

"Oh, Peaches. Aren't you a concerned citizen type of bloke these days?" the British vampire smirked. "Still, I've got a better idea. You can get to watch me drain the bloody Slayer before you die..."

Just then, not far away in Ethan's shop, the chaos spell was broken; and Willow, Buffy and Xander became themselves again, as the ghost vanished back into her body. Spike's mini-army also became a bunch of frightened little kids and student escorts.

"I'm scared! I want my mommy!" one of the tykes said, looking around fearfully.

Free at last, Buffy and Angel teamed up against Spike; someone who was smart enough to know that, just as discretion was the better part of valour, concern for one's own hide was also the better part of discretion. So, after Buffy hit him with a pipe William the Bloody ran for it, deciding to continue the battle against his enemies during another night.

"Spike, come back here!" Miss Summers yelled angrily, before her eyes went wide with realization. "Oh my God, Dawn!" Without another word, she raced out of the warehouse to find her little sister, Angel hot on her heels.

"Xander?" Cordelia came over to her classmate, who was looking ill and checking himself out from head to toe. "Are you, uh, you again?"

"Yeah, Cor. And that was just way too creepy; it's like I was there, but I couldn't get out..." Harris told her, exhaling with relief that all of Mulqueen's scars and wounds were gone even if the memories were not.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit's totally skin-tight," the self-centred cheerleader indicated the leopard-like cat costume she had on. To her annoyance, however, Xander didn't seem to be interested in praising her physical form; and so the young woman stalked off, leaving him behind and heading off towards her own destiny.

A destiny where Miss Chase would die her undeserved death before her 24th birthday...

***

**Stateville Correctional Center, Joliet, Illinois**

**October 31****st****, 2009**

Deep within the maximum security prison just north of the city, the one-eyed Xander Harris sat in solitary confinement and thought about the past; the same way he'd done for the past twelve years, whenever this day rolled around.

The last decade had not been a good one for him, and that was putting it mildly. It seemed that he was cursed where women were concerned. So many of them had died; his ex-girlfriend Cordelia, of course, but she wasn't the only one.

There had been his lesbian friend, Tara Maclay. His first time sex partner, the Slayer named Faith Lehane. Buffy's mother, Joyce. His own mother, Jessica, and his former fiancée, Anya Jenkins. There had also been Buffy and Willow as well; they had died after Sunnydale had gone the way of the dodo, the New Watchers and Slayers Council (NWSC, Inc.) had been set up, and he had been forcibly evicted from the organization in order to 'keep him safe'.

Buffy and Willow had been responsible for that, Xander had learned this almost at once. But in striving so hard to 'save' him, his friends had forgotten just what the normal member of the group had always contributed to the cause. What exactly his accomplishments had been.

Once he wasn't there anymore, they had been killed; just like they would have been killed during high school, if their foolish plans had been put into effect back then.

These days, though, the cynical one-eyed prisoner mostly just found it ironic that he was alive whilst Buffy and Willow were dead. Because almost everyone he'd known during the 1990's was gone now. Even Angel and Spike had vanished off the face of the earth.

Only Dawn, Buffy's little sister, was still around – living under a new name, far away from California.

Suddenly the door to the prison cell opened up. The mean, hulking guard said, "Harris! Get moving. You've got visitors."

Xander did so without speaking. To speak was forbidden, of course: if he did, he risked reprisal from the guard. The wallop of a prison baton or a kick to the groin, for example. But as he walked, Harris couldn't help wondering what was going on, as he wasn't due to be released from solitary for over a week; and any ordinary visitors would have had to wait until then to see him.

"I said move it, jackass. I don't wanna keep these people waiting..." the guard growled menacingly.

***

**Prison interview room #1,** **Stateville Correctional Center**

**A few minutes later**

Xander came into the room, shoved in by the guard. A moment later one of the men present, who was in U.S. military uniform, stood up. He said to the guard in a freezing cold tone of voice, "That'll be all, wait outside. No, better yet take a walk down the corridor: this conversation is strictly private."

The guard obviously didn't like this. "Prison rules state-"

"Mister, I don't give a rat's ass about your rules. If you aren't out of here in five seconds, I will call the warden of this place and tell him that you aren't being cooperative. I don't think he'll be very pleased with you under such circumstances, do you? At the very least, there's gonna be a nasty little black mark that'll end up on your official record..."

Glaring at the military officer, the prison guard nonetheless obeyed orders. The army captain waited until he could no longer hear the footsteps echoing in the corridor, before he took a white noise generator out of his pocket and activated it to play havoc with any electronic listening devices in the room. Then he turned to the prison convict and said, "Hello, Xander."

"Hello, Riley," Xander said to his one-time friend and Buffy's one-time boyfriend, shaking his head. He then nodded to the man's wife, Samantha. "Mrs. Finn. Long time no see."

"Call me Sam," the woman said chidingly. "What the hell are you doing in here, Xander?"

Harris just raised an eyebrow at the familiarity; because he had only ever met this woman once, about a decade ago. "I'm doing life for murder-one, actually. But then you probably already knew that, right?"

"We've read the report, but maybe you could do us a favour and tell us in your own words why you're here?" a man who Xander didn't recognize asked.

"Buffy and Willow died because Andrew got them killed. I didn't see any point in letting him live," Xander said succinctly.

"Ah, yes," said the man who was an Assistant Director in the FBI, easily ignoring the grimaces of both Riley and Sam. "The late Andrew Wells. Formerly of NWSC Inc., just like yourself?"

"Who's the suit?" Xander asked Riley with a sideways look.

"That's irrelevant," the FBI official said before Riley could answer. "What's relevant is that if you cooperate with us, we might be in a position to get your sentence commuted, or get you transferred to a minimum security prison instead of this particular facility."

"Yeah? Guys like you just love to do things like that for guys like me. What's the catch?" Xander asked with a barely-hidden smirk.

"Xander, not helping!" Riley hissed at him.

"It's a fair enough question," the FBI man said coolly. "The thing is, Mr. Harris, you happen to be in a rather unique position: you have information that we want. Information to do with an assassin that we've been after for quite a while now. So you help us, and we'll help you. What do you say?"

Xander shrugged. "I knew a number of men who qualified as an assassin when I was with NWSC. Can you give me a name?"

"No. Only a code name," the FBI official said reluctantly. "Actually, Mr. Harris, we have reason to believe that a fellow employee of yours named Dawn Summers knows the true identity of this man. So if you tell us-"

"If you seriously expect me to give up Dawnie's location to you, mister, then you're even dumber than you look," Xander interrupted, contempt all over the 28-year-old convict's face as the Bureau representative glared at him. Then Harris turned to his former friend and said, "Riley, what the hell made you think I was gonna cooperate with this clown? I thought you knew me better than that!"

"We're talking about the Tinamou, Xander," Sam said, touching her husband gently on the arm. "And we have reason to believe he's been hired by some white supremacists to go after the First Lady-"

"That information is classified, Agent Finn!" the Assistant Director looked pissed at Sam's mention of Michelle Obama.

"Is that right? Well, newsflash, pal. If you want my help, then you need to forget the damn rulebook right now," Xander told him frankly. "Still, having said that, it's your lucky day. Because the Tinamou? You happen to be looking at one of the few people who've met him and lived to tell the tale, someone who knows him – and his real name."

The FBI man was thunderstruck, the angry retort dying on his lips. Mr. and Mrs. Finn also look stunned. You could have knocked all three of them over with a feather, as the old saying went.

"So who is he?" Riley asked thickly.

"The man who killed Buffy and Willow last year," Xander said emotionlessly. "I'm willing to make a deal with you guys. Let me out of here for 48 hours, and I'll give you his name as well as his usual tactics and abilities. I'll even help you hunt him down and catch him. Heck, here's a freebie for you: Andrew knew him too. So you can guess what that probably means, right Riley?"

Finn stiffened. "Are you saying-?"

"Yes, or at least I'm 99.99 percent certain of it. Once upon a time Andrew was part of a trio who planned to get rich and make Buffy their sex slave, did you know that? Later on he killed his best friend, guy named Jonathan Levinson. Andrew could change his allegiance more often than I changed the oil in my car. I remember though how Willow was so sure that he'd reformed, that he wanted to make up for his 'dark past'," Xander sighed, using his fingers to make inverted commas.

"And you think he didn't?" Riley asked the prisoner.

"I think that with past history not exactly being in my favour, neither of my girls would listen to me whenever they thought that they were right and I was wrong about something like that. Goes all the way back to Sunnydale, and how Buffy and Willow believed I was a complete idiot where Angel and Spike were concerned.

"And we both know what happened with those guys, right buddy?" Xander finished up with an annoying smirk.

"We're getting off topic here," the Assistant Director brusquely, as Riley looked disgusted at the mention of the vampires and Sam looked at him in confusion. "Mr. Harris, why do you want out of this prison for 48 hours?"

"Unfinished business," Xander said, looking him in the eye. "Nothing illegal, or even immoral. But I can't do it from in here, and I can't trust you people to do it for me. No offence," Xander shrugged towards Riley and Sam.

The Bureau official hesitated. He knew that the FBI Director, Robert Mueller, had the Secret Service breathing down his neck to get results fast, and so his ultimate superior in the organization would probably forgive him if he conceded to the convict's demands. But it went completely against his grain to make this sort of deal with scum like Harris, who in the FBI man's opinion should have gotten the chair for his crime.

"If I gave you my word to personally carry out whatever task you need done-" he started to say.

"Your word doesn't mean shit to me, quite honestly," Xander closed up like a clam at once. "You think I haven't encountered liars like you before? You'll promise almost anything to get what you want, and then conveniently renege on the deal afterwards.

"Uh-uh, Mr. No-Name," he shook his head 'no'. "Because let's face it, you need me a whole lot more than I need you. Time has gotta be a factor where you're concerned, whereas I ain't got nothing but time in here. Your choice, pal. Either you play ball, or get out your mourning clothes for Mrs. Obama's funeral. 'Cause for my money, you haven't got a prayer of stopping that assassin by yourself."

A number of veins in the Assistant Director's forehead were threatening to burst open, but he managed to keep a lid on his temper long enough to say, "Fine, convict, you got a deal."

He then turned to his two companions, "Agent Finn, you and Captain Finn will be responsible for making sure that the prisoner returns to this correctional facility within 48 hours."

***

**Not far from Milwaukee, Wisconsin**

**November 2****nd****, 2009**

A short distance from Lake Michigan, a twenty-something brunette woman was looking out over one of the Great Lakes of the nation. She appeared cold, despite the heavy clothes she wore. A former native of California, Eve Winters (a.k.a. Dawn Summers) knew it would take a while for her to get used to the weather in this part of the country. But the 23-year-old woman was sure that she would get used to it somehow, eventually.

She had gotten used to worse things over the course of her life.

"Hello, Dawn."

The former Key whirled around, shocked to hear that name. Her eyes went wide as she then recognized the one-eyed man standing in front of her. "Xander? XANDER!" The woman pretty much flew straight into his arms. "How did you get here? I haven't heard anything on the news about you breaking out of jail!!"

"That's 'cause I didn't," Harris shrugged, letting his fellow Sunnydale survivor go. He gestured over his shoulder, "Managed to get a lift with a couple of old...acquaintances."

"Who-?" Eve/Dawn started to say, before she recognized Riley and even Sam, vaguely. "Are you nuts, bringing them here?! What were you think-"

"My God, but you sound just like your big sister when you start ranting that way!" Xander interrupted with a smile. "If I had a dime for every time Buffy and Willow said something like that, I'd be able to buy the new Council itself right now. What's up with them lately, by the way?"

"Don't change the subject," the beautiful young linguist said sternly. "What's the deal with you coming here? Like I said back then..."

"I know, I know. But you can relax, Riley and his wife arranged to get me out of jail for two days, and I made them swear a magic oath not to reveal where you are to anyone. Consequences being if they break said oath, they'll die. And I'm sure you have some sort of contingency plans in place to get out of here in a hurry if you have to, right?" Xander asked with a smirk.

Eve/Dawn tried not to scowl at him. "Why are you here, Xander?"

Harris shrugged. "I wanted to say goodbye to you, basically. You and I are the only ones left, ever since Giles passed away and Roger Wyndham-Pryce took over the Council. So I just wanted to see you one last time," he said with a slightly longing look on his face.

"Xander, what are you talking about? You're starting to scare me," Eve/Dawn said, getting a worried look on her face.

"Dawn, that's the last thing I want to do-" Xander said.

"The name's Eve now," the young woman interrupted. "Eve Winters, not Dawn Summers."

"Really? Looks like you've developed quite the sense of humour. Personally, I gotta blame Tara for that," Xander snorted, scratching his forehead.

She couldn't help it, Eve/Dawn giggled. "God, I've missed you," she said. There were more-than-friendly feelings for this man in her heart, and always had been; and the fact is that a five-year age gap doesn't quite have the same significance at twenty-three that it does at thirteen.

"Oh! I have something for you..." The former Key fished out a key ring, and withdrew one of the keys. "Here. Take this."

"What is it?" Xander asked, making sure Riley and Sam couldn't see what was happening.

Buffy's little sister said simply, "Don't ask me why but I had the weirdest feeling that you'd show up again eventually, somehow. So I took the liberty of preparing an escape hatch for you. This is a key to a locker at Grand Central Station in New York, the number's on it. Inside, you'll find everything you need to get out of the country; money, a fake passport-"

"I can't do that, Dawn," Xander shook his head immediately. "I made a deal with these people, and I have this thing about keeping my promises. I've already laid a wreath at the Sunnydale crater, and paid off some outstanding debts to my old sources. And now that I've said my farewells to you in person? I'm done here. I'll help Riley and his wife catch the bad guy, and then I'm going back to jail for the rest of my life."

"Why? Because you feel guilty about killing Andrew?" Eve/Dawn demanded.

"No," Xander replied calmly. "Because it's the right thing to do. Because I am a murderer. But maybe it won't come to that; it could be that the guy who killed Buffy and Willow will end up shooting me, too-"

The young woman instantly slapped him in the face. "You jerk! You moron! You IDIOT!" she screamed at him, causing Riley and Sam to sit up and take notice. "I don't believe you, Xander!! You're gonna go try to get yourself killed, aren't you? You think I don't know you well enough to have guessed that? You really do think that there's nothing left to live for-"

"You're wrong," Xander interrupted her, the ghost of Declan Mulqueen rising to the surface for a moment. "I do have something to live for – revenge. Taking out that asshole who murdered your sister, and the closest thing I ever had to a sister.

"And you can't tell me that the thought hasn't crossed your mind as well at some point, Dawn," Xander added. "I know YOU well enough to have guessed that."

"Go away. Leave me alone," the former Key muttered stubbornly, turning her face from him. "You said it yourself: you're done here."

With a slight shrug, Xander turned away. But before he left he said, "The guy I'm gonna go after? He's called the Tinamou. You DO remember who that is, I hope..."

Alexander Lavelle Harris never saw the brunette woman's eyes go wide, as he left his female companion behind.

***

**Union Station, Washington D.C.**

**November 10****th****, 2009**

As Xander pointed his gun at the guy who'd killed Buffy and Willow, and who was currently holding a child hostage with a pistol to her head, he was pretty much certain that this was going to end up...messy.

After leaving Dawn, Xander had accompanied the Finn husband and wife team back to the J. Edgar Hoover building to give the FBI a complete briefing on the Tinamou. His real name, his aliases and preferred type of weapons, his tricks and diversions, the lot.

After he was done, Samantha Finn privately pleaded with her Assistant Director not to send Xander back to jail yet; it was obvious Harris had a mental insight on the target that no one else did, and that it might prove invaluable before they finally nailed the bad guy.

Somewhat shaken, the FBI man had agreed to the request but only on the condition that she and her husband be held personally responsible for Xander's conduct. So the manhunt had begun and eventually the good guys had tracked down the Tinamou, just as the First Lady was about to make a speech outside a hospital. Sam had saved the black woman's life from a volley of gunfire on the platform, despite Mrs. Finn getting wounded in the shoulder from a stray round.

Xander and Riley had subsequently chased after the escaping assassin, but in the heat of battle Finn had taken a gunshot wound to the leg, effectively incapacitating him. After being ordered to keep going by the Army captain, Harris had eventually caught up with the target, and now the face-off had begun.

"You DO realize that killing her isn't gonna help you escape this time, right? You're just delaying the inevitable here," Xander told his enemy as coolly as he could.

"Always the same old speeches, Xander? We both know this tune, buddy boy. I'll escape; but you won't, not this time. You should have joined me when you had the chance, way back when," the Tinamou said tauntingly.

"The only thing I should have done different way back when was let Willow kill you that night, Warren," Xander spat out in disgust.

Warren Mears, for he was indeed the man otherwise known as the Tinamou, just grinned.

"Is that Declan Mulqueen I'm hearing in your voice?" he asked. "Either way, it doesn't matter. You can't protect your women, Xander. Never could, never will. Willow is my case in point; Buffy, too, I suppose."

"You're right, I guess, I never was much of a white knight type. But we both know that the Council is gonna catch up with you one day for killing those two, even if I fail to put a bullet in your skull," Xander told him with a smirk, which finally made Warren curl his lips into a snarl.

"That's always been your problem, Warren; you're addicted to hurting women," Harris continued to point out. "Treating them as nothing but creature comforts or a means to an end. You wanna know what the Slayer history books are gonna say about you, once someone finally puts your ass six feet under? 'Warren Mears: a sad, pathetic misogynist who built himself a robot girlfriend because no woman could ever truly lower herself enough to settle for him'.

"Great little epitaph, don't you think?"

Xander's mind games were finally effective, as with a bestial roar Warren tossed aside his hostage and opened fire. Xander did too, but Mears was faster, and was able to duck out of the path of Xander's bullet. Harris wasn't so lucky, however.

"Goodbye, Xander. Give my regards to my old pal Andrew, when you see him again in Hell," Warren smiled at the one-eyed man bleeding like a stuck pig on the ground. He cocked back the hammer – and another gunshot rang out within the train station.

With a look of surprise etched upon his face, Warren collapsed flat on his face, never seeing Eve/Dawn standing behind him and lowering her smoking gun.

"That was for my sister. And every other woman you hurt, you asshole..."

***

**Holy Family Parish Cemetery, Hillcrest Heights, Maryland**

**November 11****th****, 2009**

Xander and Sam walked away side by side after the rushed burial, ostensibly that of an unidentified foreign tourist killed in a hit-and-run car accident, since "Warren Mears" was officially deceased and had been for a number of years.

Personally, Xander thought it was rather fitting for Warren to leave the world this way: no one else had been present except a priest and two grave-diggers, all three of whom had shown not the slightest hint of interest in the proceedings. So much for Warren's plans to forever make his mark in the world.

"I still don't get it. Where did that guy go wrong?" Sam asked in perplexity. "I've seen his record, Xander; Warren Mears was a student prodigy back in high school. Opportunities that 99 percent of the people in this country will never have pretty much just fell into his lap – he could have become a millionaire, or one of the chief industrialists of the nation. Some of the robots we found that he used in his assassinations were so lifelike, they gave me a chill just looking at them! But instead, Mears became the Tinamou, an international killer for hire?"

"That's the thing about people who commit murder. Either they never feel anything in terms of remorse, or their conscience finally catches up with them, or in my case – they know the cost right from the start, but are prepared to accept it anyway," Xander said, unable to shrug due to his arm being in a cast.

"So. Time to go back to Illinois, right?" he asked bluntly.

"Was it worth it?" Sam suddenly asked, as she stopped and faced Xander directly. She rubbed her own gunshot wound as she added, "Now that it's all over, do you think it was worth it taking that man's life the way you did?"

"Sam," Xander sighed as he shook his head. "Andrew took certain oaths upon joining the Watchers, just like all the rest of us. One of them was to be loyal to your colleagues and your superiors. Myself, I always knew Andrew had issues with where his loyalty lay; first it was Warren, then it was Buffy, then it was Giles.

"Hell, for a while there I'm sure he was even loyal to me," Xander said as he scratched his cast. "But in the end, he failed to be loyal enough to himself and to his own vows. And he DID sell Willow and Buffy out, I saw it in Warren's eyes. He wanted me to know the truth, just before he was gonna fill me full of bullets."

Sam stared into that one remaining brown eye. "So what about Dawn?"

"It's Eve Winters nowadays. Dawnie threatened to beat me up yesterday if I didn't start using her new name already," Harris chuckled. "I'm sure she'll be alright, though. She's a Summers woman, and they're tough; she'll eventually get past shooting Warren like that. It was in order to save my life, after all."

"That wasn't what I meant. She doesn't want to lose you," Sam shook her head. "We had a talk, woman-to-woman. And Daw...Eve pointed out that somebody who had saved the First Lady's life in such a public fashion would be pretty much untouchable right now, even if a convicted murderer were to escape her custody. Myself, I have to agree; what do you think?"

Xander was suddenly reminded of Mulqueen and the movie "The Jackal", back when all this had truly begun. "Doesn't matter what I think. What does Riley think?"

"You were a good friend to him once, and you helped him stop an assassin out to kill the woman he was sworn to protect. I doubt he'll get too miffed. And even if Riley does get upset, I'm his wife. Wives have this uncanny ability of making their husbands see things their way, if you know what I mean." Sam looked him straight in the eye as she said that.

"Yeah, I know," Xander replied wistfully. He certainly hadn't forgotten what his girls had been able to talk him into years ago, including Dawn.

"Eve mentioned that she was going to be waiting at Grand Central Station all day today, suitcase and all," Sam said as she dropped a piece of paper onto the ground. "Personally, I hope she doesn't go home after sunset unhappy."

Just before she turned around and left towards her car, Mrs. Finn added, "What with all the traffic, I'm pretty sure there's a train station just a few hundred meters up the road."

Xander bent down and picked up the paper Riley's wife had dropped. As he'd expected, it was a train ticket to New York City. ( _Well, I'll be. I never expected her to go this far for me!_ )

Harris quickly started walking away, after silently wishing Samantha Finn a fond farewell for giving him his life back.

***

Next: Story 14 - Let's Talk About Sex


	14. Let’s Talk About Sex

**Date written**: Wed 14 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **Hey everyone, thanks for all the feedback and reviews lately. Now the credit for inspiring this story definitely has to go to Nodakskip, over the years he's come up with quite a few ideas for how the girls on BtVS could end up at the Playboy mansion, and so this was one of the easier stories for me to write. Add to that how American Soldier loved the idea, and you end up with this...

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 14: Let's Talk About Sex

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Xander Harris was not a happy camper, as he opened his locker after storming out of the student lounge. Because he still couldn't believe that his friend Buffy Summers, the vampire Slayer, could truly be that clueless about guys and the guy code.

( _Larry was about to pummel me, and the Buffster decides to step in to defend my ass? Somebody should just tattoo 'loser wimp sissy man' all across my forehead! Okay, so there might not be enough room for all that up there, but...no, wait, gotta focus! I have to do something to fix this fast, or my reputation – such as it is – will go completely down the toilet!_ ) he thought to himself.

At that moment, Xander spied something inside his locker. Being a normal male teenager in southern California, even looking at linoleum was enough to make him think about sex, so he had a number of Playboys in his locker. Including the latest edition featuring this year's Miss October, Layla Roberts.

( _Oh man, what a babe,_ ) Xander thought dreamily to himself, unable to resist a quick peek at this month's Playmate. ( _Blonde hair, brown eyes, perfect 36-24-36 figure, C-cup breasts...all she needs is Slayer powers, and she'd be... _)

Just then, Xander had an idea. Both on what sort of costume to wear for tomorrow night's Halloween child safety escort program, and a way to improve his public image.

He also had a great idea on how Buffy could make it up to him for embarrassing his ass in front of all their classmates just now...

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

"HARRIS!!" Principal Snyder shouted, as soon as he saw the young man in his Halloween outfit. "What the devil are you wearing?!"

"You mean this, Principal Snyder sir?" Xander asked glibly, gesturing at himself. He was dressed in a smoking jacket that he'd picked up from Ethan's Costume Shop, black leather pants, shoes and a cigar in one pocket. "Well, you said we had to dress up for Halloween. Is there something wrong with my costume?"

"You dressed up as Hugh Hefner, you perverted little deviant?" Snyder roared, full of hostility towards the founder of Playboy magazine.

"Uh, no sir," Xander could barely contain his laughter. "I'm Alexander Hefner, actually, his illegitimate grandson. 'Cause Hef's over seventy years old, and I don't think I could pass for-"

"QUIET! You-" Snyder's eyes almost bugged out as he spied Xander's friends, Buffy and Willow Rosenberg, who were both dressed in skimpy clothes with pink/white rabbit ears on their heads. Both girls looked uncomfortable with all the stares they were getting as Playboy Playmates, but Snyder was too busy almost foaming at the mouth to notice that.

"That's IT! All of you, get out of my school! Not only have you three got detention for a week, I don't want to see your faces for the rest of the night! Out, out – I'll find someone else to escort your children!" the principal roared.

"Gee, Principal Snyder – is this because ol' Grandpa Hef said he experimented with bisexuality back in 1971? 'Cause it's okay, I don't happen to swing that way..." Xander said with a perfectly straight face, even though he knew everyone had to be staring at him with their jaws about to hit the floor.

"GET. OUT!!" Snyder screamed like a man on the verge of a heart attack.

Buffy grabbed him and Willow and started hauling them away. "Well, I hope you're happy now, Xander," she said with some exasperation. "I TOLD you this was a bad idea!!"

"How do you figure that, Buff?" Xander asked with a big smile on his face. "We're officially out of rug-rat escort duty, and we've got the rest of the night to party like it's 1999!"

"Detention for a week?" Willow moaned, terribly disappointed that her perfect school record was going to be permanently marred from now on. But it was her own fault that she'd dressed up like this, not wanting Buffy to suffer the humiliation alone. She just hadn't expected Snyder to totally fly off the handle in that manner.

Xander just put his arms around both his girls' shoulders. "What's the dire? Giles will take detention as usual, don'tcha think? So it'll just be business as usual for us, right?"

"Still, Xander, it's the principle of the thing!" Miss Rosenberg insisted, as they made their way down the corridor.

Only to encounter Miss Cordelia Chase, all dressed up in a leopard-like cat suit from Partytown. Her eyes went wide at the sight of Buffy and Willow dressed as what she would describe as rabbit-ear sluts, and Xander dressed up as some sort of man-ho.

"Who are you three supposed to be?" she demanded haughtily.

"Can't you tell? This is Miss October, and this is Miss November," Xander gestured to Buffy and Willow in turn. "And I'm Alexander Hefner, descendant of Hugh Hefner at your service, Cor."

( _Oh my God, I can't believe Xander Harris actually looks HOT in that outfit!_ ) the cheerleader thought to herself, before quickly snapping out of it. "Snyder is actually gonna let you three escort little kids around, wearing stuff like that?" Queen C asked.

"Uh, no, he's not," Willow said sorrowfully, still mourning the death of her unblemished scholastic record. "We just got kicked out of the safety program a minute ago."

"So you've all got the night off? Lucky you. Well, just don't come to the Shelter Club," Miss Chase said imperiously to the three social outcasts.

"Why not?" Buffy wanted to know.

"That's where I'm meeting my boyfriend, later on tonight-"

"You and Devon are still together? That's gotta be a dating record for you, Cor," Xander said in fake amazement. "Hey, what does that guy have that I don't?" Harris gestured to his Halloween costume.

"How about a face lacking acne?" Cordelia asked him nastily.

"Well, at least I have the bigger...bank account," Xander said suggestively, swinging his hips forward just enough for Cordelia to get the idea.

"OH!" Miss Chase seethed angrily. "Well, of all the – stay away from me, you loser!" The young woman then stalked off in a huff.

"Xander, did you have to piss her off like that? You KNOW that Cordelia's gonna get her revenge on you somehow," Buffy warned him.

"Yeah, but it was too good an opportunity to pass up, Buff," Xander had such a wide grin on his face that he almost looked like a clown without makeup. "And you know what? I suddenly feel like visiting the Shelter Club – you heard what she called me just now..."

***

**Outside the Shelter Club, Sunnydale, California **

**Not long after sunset**

"I don't like the look of this place," Willow said, giving the impression of being slightly green at the sight of the run-down establishment. "I, I heard it's like some kind of mosh pit inside?"

"Yeah, I don't like it either. Sorry, Xand, but I think I'm gonna pass – Willow?" the Slayer looked sideways at her best friend.

"Yeah, me too," Miss Rosenberg nodded. "Come on, Xander – what do you say we just go back to Buffy's place, and watch some Indie movies on TV?"

Xander was tempted to say yes, but then he saw Cordelia with the band 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' not far away and he just couldn't pass up the opportunity to spar a little more with his female nemesis. Besides, Bollywood didn't hold quite the same attraction for him these days that it once did.

"Nah, me man – me battle!" he proclaimed with a wide grin. "As the duly elected king of cretins, I must engage with the dreaded Queen C! Otherwise, she could get up to all sorts of dastardly mischief – like passing a law banning Hawaiian shirts!"

Both Willow and Buffy rolled their eyes, and simply bade him farewell. Xander then sauntered up to the approaching group and said, "Hi, guys. I'm glad I got here in time for the band's first set!"

"How dare you show up, zits for brains?!" Cordelia was instantly livid at the sight of her childhood enemy. "I thought I told you and your friends not to come here tonight!"

"There a problem?" the bass guitarist named Oz spoke up, looking at Xander curiously.

"No, dude, no problem," Xander sent Oz a friendly smile. "I just came here to see you guys perform this evening, and I couldn't resist coming over to say hi after I saw you all just now-"

"Get lost, Xander!" Cordy hissed, causing Devon to stare at her in surprise. "I told you, you're not welcome here!"

"Hey, babe, calm down," Devon said, putting his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder. He added, "The guy's a fan of the band, there's nothing wrong with him wanting to hang with us-"

"Are you honestly that STUPID?! You really think that Xander isn't doing this just to try to get at me, in his own pathetic way?" Cordelia glared at her boyfriend, throwing his arm off. "Oh, that's it! Devon, consider your ass dumped, you-you moron!" She then stormed into the club, her destiny going greatly off-track in more ways than one.

"Harsh," Oz commented in his own Yoda-like way.

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that. I mean, I guess it's kinda my fault that Cordy just broke up with you," Xander said apologetically to the lead singer. He honestly hadn't intended for anything like that to happen.

"No big," Devon replied, the self-centred musician apparently having already gotten over the trauma somehow. "Hey, guy, you wanna help us out with the gear? We don't have a roadie right now, and it means free entry for you into the club."

With nothing else planned for the night, Xander simply shrugged and said yes.

***

**The Shelter Club, Sunnydale, California **

**Less than half an hour later**

The establishment was packed – after all, this was the Halloween holiday. The music coming from inside the Shelter Club was loud, very loud, but Xander was into that. Really.

( _Oh, who am I kidding? These guys are about to shatter my eardrums! _) Xander thought painfully to himself, as the Dingoes rocked da house. And then of course, that was when the Slayerette saw the vampire; even though this was the night where all the bloodsuckers were traditionally supposed to take the night off and stay indoors.

By this point in his life, Harris had learned to recognize the undead from a number of tells. The pale skin, the outdated clothes, and the slightly feral look of a predator on their faces. ( _Oh man, what am I gonna do? I can't take on a vampire all by myself! And even if I could, I can't make a scene in here!_ )

But just then, divine intervention occurred as Cordelia literally bumped into him.

"Oh, sorr – Xander? Well, that's just great," Miss Chase snarled as she went to leave. Then after Harris grabbed her arm she hissed, "Let me go right now, Harris, or you'll regret it!"

"Vampire, I think," Xander pointed to not far away. "I need your help to take care of this, Cor. Please?"

Glaring at him, the cheerleader nonetheless played bait before splashing holy water into the soulless demon's face. Once he saw the creature stumble back and the smoke rising from the battery acid-like effect, Xander quickly staked the bloodsucker in the back. The music was so loud and everyone so involved in their own affairs, no one noticed the brief explosion of dust apart from the two teenagers.

"Okay, so are we done here?" Cordelia asked her companion in irritation.

Xander was about to say yes. But at that moment, Ethan Rayne performed his chaos spell halfway across town; and everyone who had bought a costume from his store instantly became whoever or whatever they had dressed up as.

That was why Alexander Hefner, so-called grandson of the one and only Hugh Marston Hefner on his mother's side, blinked in astonishment. ( _Where am I? What's going on here?_ ) he thought to himself in confusion.

"Xander? Are you listening to me?" Alexander heard an irritated female voice almost right in front of him, and quickly focused on the beautiful brunette's face. "I said, are we done here?"

"Done with what?" Alexander asked, still confused and looking around. Unlike all the rest of the town, it was still business as usual within this establishment; Ethan hadn't had any customers who patronised the Shelter Club – apart from Xander, of course.

"What are you, playing games now? Oh, forget it," Cordelia said with extreme displeasure before leaving Alexander behind.

The male teenager didn't understand, but with the libido he had inherited from his so-called grandfather, young Mr. Hefner decided to start trawling the club to find some feminine companionship for the evening.

And who should he hook up with besides two girls Xander had never met before, named Aphrodesia and Blu?

***

**Downtowner Apartments, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

The chaos spell was over, having finished at dawn. As Xander Harris woke up, naked as the day he was born and finding himself tangled with the equally naked bodies of the blonde and the redhead he'd met last night, the memories came rushing back; and three things happened.

One, Xander realized that he was no longer a virgin, even if he hadn't been in the driver's seat when his body had done the deed.

Two, it was a damn good thing his Halloween costume persona had believed in safe sex, as last night's threesome could have resulted in some unpleasant consequences if Alexander hadn't had some condoms in his wallet last night.

Three, he was now either in a whole world of trouble with these two girls once they woke up, or else one of the luckiest men alive.

Given the way his luck with women ran, though, Xander very wisely got out of bed, got dressed and ran straight out the door.

***

**The Sunset Club, Sunnydale, California**

**November 4****th****, 1997**

Willow could not help glaring at Xander, as she and Buffy's boyfriend, Angel, helped him check out this place. The trio was actually investigating both the new arrival in town named Billy 'Ford' Fordham, Buffy's unrequited fifth grade crush, and Ford's connections to the club. The new boy in town had given Buffy's friends a weird vibe, and so they were on the case, so to speak.

Regardless of that, though, Willow was still very upset with Xander for ending up a Playboy Playmate four nights ago, just like Buffy. Granted, both girls knew that that wasn't really his fault, but still; it was hard to suppress their feelings on the matter. Luckily, nothing too bad had happened to the Slayer and the hacker; they had ridden out the evening safely at 1630 Revello Drive until the spell had worn off.

What Willow was really upset about was that Xander had confessed about Aphrodesia and Blu the next day, destroying all her childhood dreams in one fell swoop.

"Are you guys noticing a theme here?" Xander asked Willow and Angel, as he looked around at the establishment.

"As in 'Vampires! Yay!'?" Willow mentioned slowly, seeing all the wannabes dressed up in silly makeup and costumes.

"That's the one," Xander nodded.

Just then, the blonde girl calling herself Chantarelle came up. "You guys are newbies. I can tell," she said warmly.

"What gave it away?" Xander said at once, slipping into bad habits even as he went over to the Goth girl.

Willow just grimaced as Harris led Chantarelle back to the bar for a private conversation, before looking at Angel. The vampire had a strange expression on his face, before he likewise turned to face the redhead.

"What do you think?" Miss Rosenberg asked her friend.

The ensouled vampire shrugged, since he had already guessed where this would lead. "He'll get all the information possible out of her within two or three minutes, tops."

"Just as long as Xander keeps his hands off of her..." Willow's eyes went wide as Xander leaned in closer into Chantarelle's face, his hands starting to wander and the blonde Goth girl starting to lick her lips in pure lust and desire. "Oh, that's it-"

Angel immediately had to hold Willow back before she charged forward and did something stupid. And had he possessed any breath, the ensouled vampire would have sighed at all the problems human teenagers created for themselves like this.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 14****th****, 1997**

In the empty classroom, Xander was having a conversation he'd thought he'd never have to have. "Okay, uh...here's the deal. We don't have to run every time we see each other in the hall," he said nervously.

The cheerleader named Aura looked at him with a combination of disbelief and contempt. "What? As if I would ever away run from you!"

"But you saw me coming down the hall just now-"

"For your information, I'd just remembered that I'd forgotten something in the girls' locker room," Aura lied badly.

"Look, I get that you're upset..." Harris stumbled a bit.

"Why would I be upset? I gave you a lift to Buffy Summers' house yesterday. We got trapped in the basement by some creep posing as a travelling salesman. For some reason I still don't understand, we had sex down there after our little name-calling contest. Afterwards, we ran away from the weirdo in my car – and that's ALL that happened," Aura said firmly, indulging in every scrap of Sunnydale denial syndrome she could muster.

"But as far as I'm concerned, from this point onwards it's officially erased. All of that never happened, do you understand me? And if you breathe one word about what we did to anybody, I will scream 'rape' so loud your ass will instantly be in jail!" the black girl said in the most threatening tone she was capable of.

"Fine by me," Xander said, barely hiding his exhalation of relief. As he left the room he tossed over his shoulder to Aura, "None of it ever happened."

***

**1420 Truman Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**February 16****th****, 1998**

"So what's the deal?" the blonde witch known as Amy Madison asked Xander within the privacy of her own home. As Harris looked around, she added, "You can relax, my dad's not here. We can speak freely."

"Okay, then here it is. I know you're a witch like your mom, and I need your help. I saw you working that mind-control mojo on Ms. Beakman in class three days ago," Xander said with a small shrug. In response to her look Harris added, "I haven't told anybody, if that's what you're worried about. Besides, Buffy and Willow don't exactly speak much to me these days."

"Why? Start from the beginning," Amy said, now somewhat intrigued.

Xander did so, starting off with what had happened during Halloween last year. He tried to stick to the germane bits, but Amy could read between the lines and knew that Buffy and Willow wouldn't be happy with the whole 'Playboy' deal.

Harris then segued on to various other occurrences over the last few months, including the death of the vampire named Spike in an abandoned church last year, even though his sire named Drusilla had survived. Harris also briefly mentioned how the demon known as the Judge had almost been put back together again, before one of his arms had been sent safely out of town via a special courier that the Playboy mansion often used.

And then finally, the young man got to the relevant part concerning Angel and Buffy.

"The problem is nobody knew what might happen," Xander sighed in exhaustion. "I mean Buffy and Angel have always had that whole star-crossed romance thing going, I knew that. But what I didn't know about was the happiness clause in his curse, that even one moment of perfect bliss means the soul goes bye-bye and we have psychotic killer Angel to deal with.

"And it seems like they got a little too carried away during the most romantic day of the year, if you know what I mean..." Harris said as delicately as he could.

"Are you saying – that girl had sex with a vampire? Buffy actually did it with a walking CORPSE?! But that's necrophilia! Well, sort of!" Miss Madison looked shocked and disgusted at what she was hearing.

"Take my advice, don't even try to understand it," Xander advised her simply. "I've been attempting to wrap my head around the concept of those two being together for over a year – and I still haven't gotten anywhere."

"All right, fine. But what exactly do you want from me?" Amy crossed her arms.

"Isn't it obvious? There's only two choices of action. Either we re-curse Dead Boy without that stupid perfect happiness loophole, or else we dust his soulless ass. For Buffy's sake, I'm looking into the former option as well as the latter one," Xander told her plainly.

"Well, I don't know, Xander," Amy screwed up her face in thought. "What you're talking about sounds awfully complicated, and I'm still pretty much just a novice. My mom was the real witch in the family, y'know."

"Hey, I'm not expecting results right this minute," Xander shrugged. "And if it can't be done, fine. I just wanna know for sure, either way."

"I'll research it for you," Amy promised. And she did.

That was why in due course, against all the odds, Miss Madison actually found something that might work: a combination of blood magic and a tantric spell, in addition to an Orb of Thesulah, which would permanently attach Angel's soul once it was entrapped within the undead body.

Thus, Xander found himself bleeding heavily from an artery and having sex with Amy before the end of the month...

***

**Abandoned mansion on Crawford Street, Sunnydale, California**

**May 12****th****, 1998**

"Look at you," the insane vampiress named Drusilla cooed gently. "Shaking. Hurt. Poor thing..." She strolled over to Rupert Giles, who had been abducted and tortured unmercifully in order to tell Dru how to activate the stone demon known as Acathla. Something which in turn would result in sucking the whole world into Hell itself. "Just tell me what I wanna know, and I can make all the pain stop, alright?"

"In order...to be worthy..." Giles croaked out, looking to be on the verge of passing out again.

"Yeah?" Drusilla whispered as she leaned forward, eager to hear the information that would permit her to finally destroy the planet.

"You must perform the ritual...in a pink suit of armour." Giles didn't back down, even when Drusilla glared at him with pure death in her eyes. "Crazy bint!"

"All right. It's time for us to start discussin' the amputation of your head," the lunatic female vampire promised the Watcher.

But at that moment, the mansion came under attack on two fronts.

Buffy, Angel and the Slayer named Kendra came tearing in via the front door, whilst Willow, Oz, and the guy to whom Kendra had recently lost her virginity – the one and only Xander Harris – came in unnoticed via the back. They all quickly found their targets, and as the three teens yanked Giles out of there Angel, Buffy and Kendra began to take out all of the enemy undead.

In a rather ironic twist of fate, the junior Slayer was the one to finally dispatch Drusilla instead of the other way around.

And thus the potential Slayer known as Faith Lehane never had her entire world turned upside down, far away in Boston...

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California **

**October 14****th****, 1998**

Willow looked around uncertainly, as the time to announce this year's Homecoming Queen arrived. Buffy and Angel were nowhere to be seen, and the apprentice witch was starting to get worried. She thought to herself, ( _Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stuff the two of them into that limo and force 'em to work out their differences, after they started arguing during the campaign like that..._ )

The drummer did a brief drum-roll to get everyone's attention, as Devon stepped up to the microphone. "Hey, everyone, the moment we've all been waiting for is finally here. But first..."

Devon started making several minor announcements as Willow looked towards Oz, the werewolf who had become her boyfriend months ago. "They're gonna announce the Queen – where's Buffy and Angel? What do you think is keeping them?"

"Don't know," Oz said with one of his typically short, noncommittal replies.

"Maybe Xander was right and I was wrong, maybe it really was a stupid idea to meddle in Buffy's love life. Where is he, anyway?" Willow wondered, looking around.

"Over there with Michelle Blake. They look pretty tight," Oz nodded his head slightly.

"Oh, but Xander's developed a real reputation as a ladies man ever since last year, haven't you heard? Cordelia's crowd have started spreading the gossip all over school, just to get a rise out of me and Buffy," Willow said crossly.

"Kinda surprised she didn't ask him to escort her to Homecoming, then," Oz furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if that was jealousy he was seeing in Willow's eyes right now.

"Cordelia and Xander? Oz, come on – that would be like a sure sign of the apocalypse!!" Willow scoffed, as Buffy and Angel finally came into view. "Oh my God, what happened to you two?!" the redhead demanded.

The question was not undeserved; Angel's tux was ripped in several places, and Buffy's dress was similarly in ruins. Both of them were looking dirty and dishevelled, as if they'd been in a war. Well, either that or they'd just had some rough sex rolling around on the lawn outside, as several of the more catty girls present thought to themselves.

In any case, the battle Buffy and Angel had just been through was not a result of Slayerfest '98, since the vampire named Mr. Trick and his sire Kakistos were currently on the other side of the country. Still, that was the Hellmouth for you; there was always mayhem and violence a-plenty around here.

Angel said, "Vampire attack."

Another drum-roll got everyone's attention. Devon said into the microphone, "Alright, people, here we go. In this envelope, we have the name of this year's Homecoming Queen! And the winner is..." Devon tore open the envelope, read the name and said, "Michelle Blake!"

Both Buffy's and Cordelia's hopeful looks faded, as the entire nightclub broke out into thunderous applause. Xander escorted his date onto the stage, as Devon crowned the Homecoming Queen in all her glory. Pushing the tiara more tightly onto her head, Michelle stepped up to the microphone whilst dragging Xander along with her.

"I'm just so honoured! I can't believe it! I mean, that you would pick me...out of every girl in the whole school! It's just...it's so wonderful! Oh, I promised myself I wouldn't cry..." She started weeping anyway, and Harris surreptitiously handed her a tissue. "Thanks! Oh, I should mention that my victory tonight wouldn't have been possible without Xander's help! I owe him so much!! Thank you, Xander!"

Without warning, Michelle planted a big wet one straight onto her recent (albeit temporary) boyfriend's lips, advancing the boy's rise in the school's social hierarchy; despite the scowls of Buffy, Willow and Cordelia.

***

**Donut Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**February 1****st****, 1999**

Feeling peckish, Cordelia walked into the corner store, and straightaway she stopped at the sight of Xander. She really hated to admit it, but he looked rather good to her at that moment; the Harris wardrobe had much improved ever since junior year, and the rumours concerning his sexual prowess had reached legendary proportions by this point in time.

"Oooh, is there some big evil happening right now? Must be a life-or-death situation if you're getting all that glazed chocolate-y goodness," the cheerleader said rather scathingly.

Not surprisingly, Xander simply ignored her as he paid the shop clerk and began to leave the store. But Cordy wasn't willing to leave things there, and followed him outside.

"So what's new, Xander? What are you doing these days? Or maybe I should say, WHO are you doing these days?" she demanded angrily.

Xander finally came to a halt and turned around. "None of your business, on all counts. Hey, I got a question for ya: why are you acting like such a complete bitch to me? What the hell have I done to you lately to deserve it?"

The question completely broadsided Cordelia for a moment, but she quickly recovered. "How about sleeping with a lot of my friends? How many girls has it been, I wonder...I bet you've gotten laid by, what, half of the female senior class?"

"A fifth at most," Xander answered her coldly, which almost made Cordy's heart skip a beat. "But so what? All of the girls I've been with knew the score right from the start, that I'm good in the sack but I suck at relationships. I've treated every girl to get involved with me with respect, though, and never forced myself on anyone – hell, I've never cheated on any of them either, despite how desperate I get for sex every night. Huh, I bet you think you know everything..." Harris started to walk off again.

Cordelia was determined not to let this guy have the last word on the matter. "I think I know you."

Xander stopped, turned around and laughed, a short and sharp bark that didn't indicate much amusement. "Since when?"

"Ever since kindergarten, doofus. Remember? You, me, Willow and that loser Jesse used to play together all the time-?" Then Cordy backed off as Xander stormed back over to her again.

"Don't you even mention his name," Xander told her angrily. "I ended up staking Jesse nearly three years ago, just because I decided to save your life in the Bronze that night. Remember? When he was gonna kill you?"

"What? When was this-?" Cordelia was confused, then her eyes went wide as she recalled the night of the Harvest without the denial factor, and the vampire that had almost bitten her. "Oh my God, that was HIM?!"

"Yeah," Xander looked and felt guilty now as he calmed down a bit. "Ever since then, y'know, I've always wondered if there was anything I could have done different. If I'd known about Angel's curse, for example, maybe Amy could have..."

"Don't be stupid, Xander," Cordelia cut him off impatiently. "You think something like that would have been HELPING him? You would have dragged Jesse's soul out of Heaven and made it suffer that kind of torment – for what? Just to make yourself feel a bit better? I've talked to Angel, dumbass. As a woman, I can tell what kind of pain he feels every single day, even if you can't. That's why I personally think you didn't do Buffy any favours, after that witch did her mojo last year."

There was nothing Xander could say to that, as unfortunately Cordelia's thoughts on the matter pretty much mirrored his own. Even though he didn't hang out with the old Scooby Gang much anymore, he still thought the whole tortured romance deal Buffy had going with Angel wasn't healthy for her.

( _Still, it's her choice. And thank God that Buffy didn't keep any Playmate habits from back in junior year..._ ) Harris shrugged to himself.

At that moment, the blonde girl named Lysette drove up in Xander's temporary car, a light blue '57 Chevrolet Bel Air. The female teen leaned over and called out, "Xander! Where you have been, baby? Come on, let's take a drive back to the school! Oh, sweetie, this honey of a V8 handles like a dream!"

Cordelia gave him an annoyed look, as Xander shrugged before getting into the car with his donuts for the Scooby Gang. As Lysette roared off, foot slamming down on the accelerator, Cordelia just glared in her general direction.

It was too bad how Miss Chase had no idea what sort of adventures Xander and his latest girlfriend would have with the zombie named Jack O'Toole tonight. Because the annoyance at Harris for adding yet another notch to his bedpost, and the strongly repressed feelings of inadequacy because he had never even considered making a play for her, otherwise wouldn't have stung Cordelia quite so much.

***

**Law offices of Klein & Gabler, Los Angeles, California**

**May 24****th****, 1999**

They say that all good things must come to an end, and as Xander escorted Cordelia to her meeting with the law firm, he fleetingly thought that that particular saying was oh-so-true.

Because high school was over now and, most likely, his time in Sunnydale was over as well.

It all had to do with this year's Big Bad, the Mayor of Sunnydale, Richard Wilkins the Third (and the Second, and the First). Someone who'd apparently been hanging around for over a hundred years, preparing for something called his ascension. In other words, he'd planned on turning into a pure demon and munching on a whole lot of people, on Graduation day. Wilkins had known that it would eventually come down to a fight with Buffy and her friends, though, and so he had stacked the deck firmly in his favour right from the start, engineering various roadblocks and distractions for the white hats to prevent any interference with his plans.

The worst distraction of all had been shooting Angel with a lethal mystical poison called 'Killer Of The Dead', which had only one cure: to completely drain the blood of a Slayer. Angel was about to go dusty, Kendra was too far away to get to the Hellmouth in time, and so Buffy had...well, was there really any other way to put it? She had FED herself to her boyfriend, slapping him around and then slamming the delirious vampire's mouth onto her neck, the inner blood demon emerging and brutally drinking from her almost to the point of death.

Fortunately, Buffy hadn't died as Angel had rushed her to the hospital and the massive blood transfusions which followed had saved her life. There hadn't been time for censure and recriminations at that point; but after the Mayor's ass was toast, the argument between Xander and Buffy about her choice of actions certainly hadn't been pretty to witness.

Terms like 'insane fool', 'oversexed asshole', 'suicidal idiot', and 'male slut' were actually some of the more polite phrases that had been tossed around during that conversation. It hadn't helped that Willow had come down firmly on Buffy's side and Oz had faithfully followed where she'd led, either. Willow's claims that Xander simply didn't understand what it was like to actually love someone that way had really only made things a lot worse.

Mostly because later, after Angel had departed Sunnydale upon being ordered to leave or end up dust by Buffy's mother Joyce, Xander simply couldn't muster any sympathy for the broken-hearted Chosen One at all.

It was at that point that he'd realized that their friendship, which had been slowly dying ever since eighteen months ago, was now truly dead in the water. And even though Xander still loved Willow like a sister, it was painfully obvious that she would never take his side on just about anything again, something which Harris knew she hadn't done even once ever since moving on to Oz.

It was as Cordelia had said, after she and Xander had called a truce to all the hostilities between them: he, Buffy and Willow had changed so much ever since Halloween '97, it was almost impossible to recognize them anymore.

Speaking of which, it was almost impossible to recognize Queen C anymore either.

After the Chase family had gone broke back in April when the IRS had seized all their assets, thanks to Cordelia's father not paying taxes ever since 1987, nearly all the arrogance had been bled out of her – the girl's life had plummeted into an abyss of cheap knockoff clothes and a crappy minimum wage job outside of school hours just to survive. If it hadn't been for Xander's impulsive generosity of paying the remaining balance on her Prom dress, most likely the former cheerleader would have ended up completely insane from the sheer injustice of it all.

At any rate, Cordy had been talking to Xander about moving to LA to try to be an actress when a lawyer had arrived and told her that her grandfather on her mother's side had died only a few days before. Miss Chase had never met him, or even knew what he did for a living, since her mom had shunned all contact with the man and the grandfather had hated Cordy's parents just as much they'd hated him. To the brunette girl's surprise, though, it seemed that as a way to stick it to his daughter and son-in-law one last time, the old man had named Cordelia the chief beneficiary in his will.

Thus, Miss Chase was now the CEO and chief shareholder in his corporation...

The porno company called "Sinful Films".

"I still can't believe this," Cordelia muttered to Xander, as they waited for her grandfather's lawyer to meet with them. She had asked Xander to come with her to LA for moral support, since he was now the closest thing she had left to a friend. And even though it was in the opposite direction he'd been intending to go on his road trip Xander had obliged, his curiosity piqued. "I feel, like, totally dirty even contemplating that someone I was related to did that sort of thing for a living!"

"Miss Chase, Mr. Harris? I'm Michael Parkman, the late Mr. Morrison's attorney," the lawyer came up and introduced himself, referring to Cordy's grandfather. He then ushered the two teens into a meeting room, shutting the door before saying, "My sympathies for your loss, Miss Chase. Your grandfather was a long-time respected client of the firm-"

"Respected? He made porno movies for a living!!" Cordelia exploded angrily.

"Here at Klein & Gabler, we prefer not to make moral judgements on our clients' business activities," the lawyer said smoothly. "The fact is that your grandfather ran his company honestly and always paid his taxes on time, right down to the last penny, state and federal." Xander saw Cordelia wince at the subtle rebuke. "In addition, he built up a nickel and dime operation into a company that makes over 300 million dollars a year in sales, before taxes."

"He WHAT?" Cordelia shrieked, her disgust quickly evaporating thanks to the idea of her taking over a company which made so much money; even a company that was morally bankrupt, from her point of view.

Xander could see it in her eyes: in her current state of abject poverty, Cordelia didn't care WHERE the wealth would come from, just as long as it wasn't illegal. "Just how big is the porno market these days, anyway?" he asked curiously.

"In America, it's a billion-dollar industry," Parkman replied. "Miss Chase, your grandfather chose you to be his successor. If you don't want anything to do with Sinful Films, that's your choice; I'm sure a new CEO will be found soon by the company's board of directors. But if you do accept the job, I'm equally sure you'll have lots of people to help you run the business until you find your feet. In order to make a quality product to fill your market niche, that takes lots of lawyers, accountants, marketing and salespeople, after all."

Cordelia's head was spinning. In a moment of impulsive generosity similar to what he'd shown her, she turned to Xander and said, "I don't know anyone who knows more about sex than you. So, you want a job as vice-president of...whatever the hell that department's called?"

( _Why not?_ ) Xander thought to himself, after he nodded and Cordelia turned back to Parkman in order to discuss details with him. ( _I could do with some money from a temp job, given how I blew such a big wad of cash on her Prom dress and all._ )

But the next day, once he'd met all those hot-looking porn actresses, all thoughts of ever leaving his new job quickly went flying out the window as far as Xander Harris was concerned.

***

**Sinful Films Headquarters, Los Angeles, California**

**May 29****th****, 2004**

The years had passed, and what had once been a modest-sized company had, under Cordelia Chase's leadership, become one of the two adult film studios to completely dominate the U.S. porn industry.

It hadn't been all smooth sailing, of course. During the first year of operations the young CEO had come up with lots of ideas, not all of which were good ones. And, too, she'd had to give up the whole Hollywood actress thing once word got around who she was and what she did for a living.

But Cordelia had a real brain behind that beautiful face, and once she'd learned how to handle the job properly, many of the concepts she had come up with were put into effect. Not long after she'd started directing operations, Sinful Films won the AVN awards for Best New Starlet, Best Actress, and Best Sex Scene, all in the same year. The Chase name once again became famous, as mountains of cash started to pour into the company.

The only problem Cordelia had had was how to reward Xander properly for his department's efforts in reducing staff turnover and keeping all their movie stars happy. So in the end, the inebriated young woman decided to give him the best present she could think of: namely herself, just for one night at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel during the company's New Year's Eve party.

It had certainly been the most pleasurable evening Ms. Chase had ever experienced, after the alcohol had loosened both their inhibitions. Not expecting Xander to actually feel anything towards her after the one night they'd spent together, Cordy had subsequently been stunned to hear her employee say that she was the best sex he'd ever had. Perhaps not surprisingly, it had earned Xander a promotion to Cordelia's number one assistant, in the full-service sense of the word.

Right now, though, the young man was conducting a job interview with Cordelia's one-time best friend, the blonde 23-year-old woman named Harmony Kendall.

Down on her luck after a divorce for cheating on her husband, and cut off by her family for bring their 'good name' into disrepute, Harmony was miserably cursing the fact that she had been lowered to this: begging for a job from Xander Harris of all people.

The beautiful blonde was looking at some pictures of men she would be 'performing' with in her upcoming porno debut. She quickly said in disgust, "Ewww! I'm not touching that guy! I still have some standards, you know."

"Have fun starving in the projects, then," Xander told her indifferently, since he wasn't in any mood to deal with his former classmate's attitude; he had a business to make sure ran smoothly for his female boss, after all.

Harmony gulped, as she'd suspected that insulting Xander for taking Cordelia to the Prom would come back to bite her on the ass one day. She whined pathetically, "Could I at least have a blindfold or a mask, so I don't have to look at him while we do it?"

"Sorry, Harmony. That sort of crap went out with Fellini films, and besides, sales figures would plummet. Now, are you in or out?" Xander got up out of his chair since, as far as he was concerned, the job interview was over one way or another.

"Fine, I'm in!" Harmony complained, slamming her forehead down on the table in despair.

"Then welcome to the Sinful Films family," Xander told her simply, as Harmony looked up at her new superior. "Now, I have an appointment with Cordelia, so what the hell – we should go meet her together, don't you think? I'm sure Cordy can't wait to meet our newest member of staff, anyway."

( _I HATE my life,_ ) Harmony thought miserably to herself, figuring she was right back where she'd been in high school. But then she caught sight of Xander's ass as he walked and quickly mused, ( _But then again, maybe it's not all bad..._ )

***

Next: Story 15 - Walk Like An Egyptian


	15. Walk Like An Egyptian

**Date written**: Thu 15 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Nothing much to say, except thanks for all the reviews and feedback so far. To think, the series is just about halfway over! Anyway, on with the show...

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 15: Walk Like An Egyptian

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

When confronted with a question one cannot answer simply, or even at all, most people do the logical thing and start researching the matter. Xander Harris was no exception, and in the case of what to wear as a Halloween costume for tomorrow night's little soiree, he felt sure the answer could be found in the books of his friend and mentor, Rupert Giles.

"Hey, Xander. What are you doing?" Willow Rosenberg said, as she entered the library as well.

"Trying to think of ideas for a costume, Will," the dark-haired young man said with a frown. "Y'know, for the trick o' treating thing tomorrow night – I'm attempting to come up with a costume that'll impress the girls, as well as inspire the munchkins to get lots of candy."

Willow shook her head, thinking that only Xander could possibly be worrying so much about something so mundane. She'd been expecting something more along the lines of the latest apocalypse to hit the Hellmouth, after all. The redhead asked, "Come up with anything good yet?"

"Nah," Xander sighed. "There's nothing here except demons, demons, demons! Man, Giles really needs to update his book selection."

Willow looked up for a moment in despair, sometimes she truly wondered just what it was she saw in the big goofball for him to be the object of her affections like this. "I don't suppose you've tried looking in the non-demon-y books yet?"

"Well, I was sorta saving them for a last resort, I...hello!" Xander's eye caught something in the book he was flipping through. "Who's this guy?"

Willow came up and took the book from him, which was entitled 'Blood Rites and Sacrifices'. ( _Eww, Xander, the title alone sucks!_ ) Miss Rosenberg thought upon seeing the name of the book, then she quickly began to read the section that had caught her friend's interest.

"Oh, the Sobekites! I've heard of them. They were an ancient Egyptian cult, heavy into dark magic," Willow mused. "Uh, they rose to power somewhere in between the 11th and 12th Dynasties, I think?"

"That's right, Will. And look at that picture of their high priest-y dude, that guy Kull or Khul or however you pronounce it," Xander said excitedly, pointing to the woodcut drawing. "I can totally pull that look off! Yeah, I figure I can raid the Drama club supplies cupboard for most of what I need, and pick up what I can't at that new place you, me and Buffy were going to go to after school.

"What's it called again?" he asked his best friend.

"Uh, Ethan's Costume Shop," Willow answered vaguely, as she read more and more of what the Egyptian priest had gotten up to roughly four thousand years ago.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Khul, High Priest of the Temple of Sobek, instantly knew that something was amiss the moment his consciousness awoke within Xander's body

It wasn't the screaming, and it wasn't the demons chasing people; he had seen enough of that in his native city of Thebes, during the reign of the Pharaoh Mentuhotep II of the 11th Dynasty, for it not to really register on his weird-o-meter. It wasn't even the human technology so advanced that his mind couldn't comprehend it yet, such as the street lights and the cars.

What disturbed him was the fact that Osiris, the Egyptian god of the dead, had seen fit to return him to the land of the living.

"Xander! Xander!"

Khul turned around as the female voice grew louder with every passing moment. He did not understand what she was saying, but the male Egyptian had a brain and he could sense great agitation coming off of her. Khul simply held up one hand and spoke to her in his own language, but it was instantly obvious that the red-haired girl could not understand him anymore than he could her.

Quickly learning she was naught by a spirit and feeling annoyed by the events of the evening so far, the High Priest turned away and was about to depart when he heard the sound of another female screaming. Khul slowly followed the redhead, who had started babbling again, as they headed towards a dark-haired woman dressed very differently to her. There was obviously little love lost between the two females, from the expression on the new one's face and her gestures towards the redhead's clothes.

( _Enough of this,_ ) Khul thought to himself. ( _I must learn to communicate with these people somehow. The great Lord Osiris must have sent me here for a reason._ )

Just then he heard demonic growling, and the priest turned to see two monsters approaching. Khul failed to see Lady Buffy faint, since he was too busy clutching the amulet around his neck and incanting a transmogrification spell.

Suddenly, where there had been a human man dressed in ancient Egyptian clothes, there was now a huge roaring lion. The demons stopped in surprise, and then quickly decided to seek out easier prey. Which was very smart of them, all things considered.

As the lion morphed back into a man, Khul looked around to see the redhead staring at him like he was the earthly manifestation of one of the gods themselves. The High Priest was in no mood to listen to her meaningless chatter, however, and so as he walked over to pick up the unconscious noblewoman he sent Willow a glare that finally shut her up.

But the moment he touched Lady Buffy, Khul at last got a clue as to what was going on around here.

The High Priest didn't know the name Janus, of course, since the god of chaos hadn't been called that by the Romans until two thousand years after his time. But despite that, Khul could feel the magical power of the Egyptian deity called Seth coursing through this woman's body – and he could suddenly feel something else – that she was the Chosen One, the Slayer of the undead, those who walked amongst the living drinking their blood.

( _The council of those who Watch from the shadows must not know of this,_ ) Khul thought to himself as he began to follow Willow, who was making some unmistakeable 'come with me' gestures. ( _And the blood-drinkers would be celebrating the fact that their enemy is incapacitated this way, were they to learn what has happened. I will have to do something about it, most likely._ )

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

The group had arrived at Buffy's house and locked the kitchen door behind them. Placing the unconscious woman on the couch, the High Priest briefly looked around at the 20th century home in sheer wonder, before deciding to go out the front door after hearing yet another female screaming.

He might not have bothered to do anything afterwards under different circumstances, but the Egyptians had always held cats to be sacred animals – and the sight of Cordelia Chase in her Halloween cat costume, being chased by a Sasquatch, decided the matter for him. Concentrating yet again, Khul assumed the form of a ten-foot cobra; and ignoring the screaming female, the snake attempted to sink its fangs into the lumbering Bigfoot's hide.

The Sasquatch stopped, confused, then moved out of the snake's way. Not sure about what to do about a confrontation with something even bigger than it was, the creature took another step backwards; and then finally making its mind up, the Sasquatch took off in the opposite direction.

Khul winced at hearing the young woman, most likely a temple maiden of some sort, scream louder than ever as he resumed his human shape. He went to take her by the arm – and immediately withdrew his hand after touching her; it was as if he'd just touched a live wire.

( _Cursed you are, by one of the gods – or something close enough to them,_ ) the High Priest thought as he stared in wonder at Cordelia. ( _I know not who or what, but some higher power has placed a geas upon you never to know true happiness. For the more you give of your heart to any man – the worse you shall suffer pain and betrayal..._ )

Beckoning the maiden to follow him, Khul returned inside his temporary headquarters. Ignoring the cat-girl and the redheaded spirit as they started speaking in their native language, Khul got down on his knees and began to invoke a summoning spell, cutting open his palm and letting the blood drip down onto the floor in order to bring forth the god of the dead.

Immediately, dark clouds appeared and started to swirl around the ceiling. Lightning flashed, but only inside the room. Willow and Cordelia screamed in fear and moved back, staring at the man who had possessed Xander Harris tonight; but Khul paid them no heed. He simply intoned in ancient Egyptian, "Osiris, keeper of the darkness, I ask that you hear the prayer of this unworthy servant of Sobek. Appear before me, and tell me thy bidding."

Some of the clouds formed a scowling, demonic-looking face as the High Priest looked up from his kneeling position. Osiris took in the man's clothes, the headdress and a white linen kilt called a shenti, plus the blue and green eyeshadow and black kohl eyeliner; and instantly recognized him.

"Khul? What are you doing here?" the deity spoke irritably in English, before noticing the Egyptian's lack of understanding. Instantly, a shimmering column of energy shot out of the god's mouth and encompassed Khul for a moment, briefly making him glow. "There, that's better. Now tell me, Khul, why are you within the realm of the living? Sobek has been annoying everyone trying to learn where his favorite High Priest disappeared off to!"

"Khul? Why's he calling Xander that?" Cordelia whispered to Willow, who immediately shushed her.

"I know not exactly what has happened, Lord Osiris, but I suspect that Lord Seth is responsible; at least, in part," Khul said, with his head bowed. Behind him, Willow and Cordelia briefly gaped at how the Egyptian was now speaking flawless if accented English.

"Seth? Oh, you mean Janus, that damned traitor to his own pantheon. Hmm, yes, you're right – I can tell now how one of his worshippers has invoked his power to unleash great chaos on the Hellmouth tonight. That explains why you're here – your host is under Janus's spell." Osiris scowled, no doubt planning to have a sharp word with his fellow deity soon.

Suddenly though, he focused more carefully on Willow. "You!" Osiris shouted at the redhead. "You are not truly dead! Foolish ghost, get back inside your body at once!"

"Uh, Lord Osiris? I can't. I-I-I don't know how, I mean – if I could I would have already, but I, I..." Willow stammered, almost scared speechless by the Egyptian god's anger.

"Another victim of Janus? Yes, of course. And you..." Osiris focused his attention on the sleeping Buffy. "I remember you, from before your friend brought you back from the land of the dead. You've been affected by that spell as well."

Osiris paused and then snapped at the high priest, "Khul! There's something wrong with her. Investigate at once!"

The High Priest obeyed the god of death immediately, getting up and going over to kneel at Lady Buffy's side. Spreading his palms over Buffy's prone form, Khul used his mystic powers to diagnose the noblewoman's condition. It took a while, but eventually he found out what he wanted to know.

"She suffers a sickness of the spirit, Lord Osiris," Khul reported to the Egyptian god. "The Slayer essence within her is unlike what it once was."

"Yes..." Osiris mused, ignoring Cordelia and Willow's concerned looks. "Because the Slayer line has been twinned by your host, Khul. There is now another Chosen One far from here, towards the south – and she, too, is less than what she should be. Stand back!!"

Khul instantly obeyed, and a white-gold light shot out of Osiris's mouth this time. It made Lady Buffy shine like an angel, before the light faded away. And far away in Jamaica, the Slayer known as Kendra gasped as she suddenly felt different – stronger, and more complete than she had ever felt before.

"That should do it," Osiris grunted in satisfaction. "Khul, see to it that that worshipper of Janus ends his spell at once. And once you're back where you belong? Tell Sobek I said to quit his damned bellyaching from now on, because that reptile will test my patience beyond its limits one day!"

"Yes, Lord Osiris," Khul bowed his head. A moment later the demonic-looking face disappeared in a flash of lightning, and the dark clouds dispersed and disappeared as well.

"What the hell was that?" a terrified Cordelia asked of no one in particular, before a furious Khul whirled around to face her.

"Foolish girl! You dare invoke the name of the evil spirit realm so easily!? You are cursed enough already," he said angrily. "Now be silent, you and the female spirit both! Lest I turn you into a female dog, and send your friend's soul to be devoured within the belly of the beast Ammonet!"

It was the glare that convinced Cordelia to remain silent, however galling it felt to be subservient to the man currently wearing Xander's face. Apart from the fact she had seen the Egyptian transform himself into a snake earlier on, Cordy had recognized and practiced that glare in the mirror countless times for whenever she had to force one of her Cordettes to do something that was unpleasant. The glare that said 'you better do what I say because if you don't, I have the power to destroy you'. Miss Chase knew people, and that was how she knew Khul wasn't bluffing.

Willow was just staring at the High Priest in pure terror, but luckily for her, she stayed as quiet as a mouse whilst Khul got down on his knees again. Closing his eyes and attempting to block out the Hellmouth's evil supernatural energy, Khul centred himself and attempted to trace the chaos spell back to its source, following the mystical trail out of his host's body to Ethan's Costume Shop within a matter of moments.

"There you are," Khul muttered, opening his eyes and getting up. He glanced around at the ghost and the society princess and told them, "I am leaving now. Do not attempt to follow me. If all goes well, the spell shall be terminated soon; and then I shall return to the land of the dead and the service of my Lord Sobek." He then sent the girls a malignant glare, "Pray that we do not meet again, for it has NOT been a pleasure knowing you!"

With that the ancient Egyptian swept out of the house, not looking back even once to see if the girls would follow his orders. It is axiomatic that if the power is there the ego must eventually follow, and this High Priest had powers that most mortal men could only dream of, after all.

"Okay, now what do we do?" Cordelia demanded of Willow, bristling over how she'd just been insulted that way.

"Stay here, keep an eye on Buffy and not get in Xander's – err, Khul's way," Willow decided, still feeling freaked after that close encounter with Osiris just now. "'Cause I don't know about you, but I don't fancy getting my soul eaten anytime soon!"

Cordelia shrugged; she didn't like the sound of becoming a dog either. So she just sat down and made herself at home, after barricading the front door against intruders.

And so it came to pass that not long after Angel, Buffy's undead boyfriend, finally arrived at the house, Ethan's spell ended – and Rayne himself ended up running out of town the moment Khul turned back into Xander Harris.

***

**Sunnydale High Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Buffy and Willow were talking in the library this morning, despite it being a Saturday. The events of last night held too many ramifications for them to do anything else.

"I feel so...weird," Miss Summers confessed, staring at her hands. "I, I'm not the Slayer anymore, Will. I'm just – a regular person now?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Willow said delicately. "So, how's it feel being an ordinary Josephina again like all the rest of us?"

"I'm honestly not sure," Buffy confessed. "I mean, I never asked to be the Slayer – but there were some parts of it I was starting to enjoy, y'know what I mean? Being able to kick ass was kinda fun – well, when I wasn't in danger of getting killed by a demon or a vampire, of course."

"Oh, but now you'll be able to have a normal life!" Willow said urgently, trying to focus on the positives. "No more cutting class, no more sneaking out at nights, no more having to lie to your mom..."

"Well, yeah, I guess there is that," Buffy nodded, scratching her head. Then she brightened up, "Yeah, Willow, you're right! You're absolutely right. I can finally be me again! I can actually show up to dates with Angel without having to look like I just crawled out of a dumpster, the way I did last week!"

Willow's reply was cut off as Rupert Giles came out of his private office. He had been on the phone with the Council in England just now, trying to get some answers from the Watchers after hearing from Buffy and Willow the whole fantastic story of what had happened the previous evening. He started polishing his glasses, and both female teens immediately took that as a warning sign.

"Giles? What's up?" Buffy asked worriedly.

"Yeah, you-you look kinda concerned," Willow added.

"Well, uh, that's because I am concerned, a-a-about a lot of things," the Watcher confessed. "Apparently, Willow, what you and Cordelia heard Osiris say last night was the truth; there, there's been another active Slayer for the last six months known as Kendra, she's currently based in Jamaica. Um, according to the Watcher diaries, she was activated the very same night that you died, Buffy-"

"But I was only gone for like a minute!" the blonde girl protested on instinct.

"It doesn't matter, dead is dead – and, and your successor was called to be the next Slayer," Giles sighed, as he put on his glasses. "Her Watcher, uh, S-sam Zabuto, he was very surprised to hear that you were still alive, a-according to my sources."

"Wait! I don't get something, Giles. I mean, if you and that other Slayer's Watcher were both sending reports to England about the Chosen One's activities, how come nobody ever knew there were two Slayers?" Willow wanted to know.

"Well, uh, they did. But a-a-apparently, someone somewhere within the Council didn't feel that I needed to know," Giles looked miffed as he passed on that particular bit of information. "Still, it doesn't matter any longer. Uh, now that Buffy's not the Slayer anymore, th-thanks to Osiris," the British man winced a little.

"Hey, Watcher mine? I know that look. What is it you aren't telling us?" Miss Summers demanded.

( _Blast. I had hoped not to have to reveal this yet..._ ) Rupert exhaled, quickly figuring that it would probably be better to simply get this over with. There was no point in dragging it out until the bitter end, after all.

"Giles?" Buffy spoke up again impatiently.

"Well, uh, Buffy, since you're no longer a Slayer...the Council feels that you, you no longer require a Watcher. That's why pending confirmation of your status a week from now, well – I'm being recalled to England," Giles said rather apologetically.

"You're LEAVING!?" Buffy semi-shrieked, unable to believe that the pseudo-father figure in her life was deserting her like this.

"Giles, you-you can't leave! I mean, who's gonna be the librarian around here if you go?" Willow demanded.

"Well, uh, I'm sure Principal Snyder will find someone else, it's not like there's a shortage of them in this country," Giles said uncomfortably. "And as you both know, my job at this school was always pretty much just a cover; my real calling was, was looking after Buffy. But, since she's not the Chosen One anymore...well, y-you understand, the battle against the forces of evil won't stop just because of what Osiris did last night. I have to go where I'm needed most."

"But Giles, this is the Hellmouth!" Willow protested, as something suddenly occurred to her. "I mean hello, demons, and, and vampires! If you're leaving and Buffy's not the Slayer anymore, then who-?"

"Kendra and her Watcher will be arriving here to take over soon, o-or so I'm told," Giles said awkwardly. Desperate to change the subject, he looked around the library. "Err, can either of you tell me where Xander is right now? I've not seen him yet, and I have quite a few questions I'd like to ask that boy about his experiences last night."

"I phoned him at his house this morning," Willow said worriedly. "He said he was fine, but...I don't know, there was something in his voice that didn't exactly make me believe him."

"Well, no doubt he was rather perturbed by his possession last night, the same as both of you were," Giles hypothesised. "Still, the lad's fairly tough – I'm sure he'll get over it soon enough."

***

**No. 4 Parkview Crescent, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that day**

The Mexican woman called Lupe, who worked at the Chase manor as a maid, opened up the front door in response to the doorbell. "Yes?"

"I'm here to see Cordelia. The name's Xander Harris," the young man identified himself after stating his business.

"I'm sorry, but Miss Cordelia is not seeing anyone today," the maid replied, as per her instructions from the high school beauty queen. "She's feeling indisposed."

"Please, just tell her that I'm here and that I have some information for her; something that she really needs to hear. We go to school together, Cordy knows me," Xander insisted. "I'll wait right here until you've told her, and if she still doesn't wasn't to talk to me afterwards, then I'll hit the road. Please? This is very important."

The maid hesitated, but in the end, she shut the door and went to find her mistress. Five minutes later, a scowling Cordelia came to the front door. "What do you want, Loser Boy? Gonna threaten to turn me into a dog again?"

( _Damn, she would have to remember that!_ ) Xander shook his head though. "We need to talk, in private. Can we take this inside? It's very major, I swear."

Still scowling, Cordelia let him in and then led her classmate to the main library of the manor. "All right, fine. So what is it that's so vital you came all the way over to my house?"

Xander took a deep breath, not sure how to start. "Cordy...we're not friends, and we haven't been ever since we were five or six years old. Truthfully, these days we both hate each other's guts, or at least close enough. But we've known each other ever since kindergarten – that's why I have to tell you the truth, no matter how upsetting it'll sound."

"What? What are you talking about?" Miss Chase demanded.

"You're cursed," Xander just blurted it out.

"Well, obviously, since I'm constantly getting involved with you and your idiot friends," Cordelia shot back with a grimace.

"No. You're not listening to me," Xander insisted. "I'm talking about a real curse, Cordy, a magical one. Last night, when Khul touched you on the arm? He felt it, he instantly knew the truth. Bottom line, someone's targeted you for something or other. And since I can still remember everything about last night, I had to warn you about this," he said passionately, willing with all his might that the cheerleader would believe him.

"Yeah, right," Cordelia smirked. "Nice try, Xander-"

"I'M SERIOUS!!" Xander shouted, startling his female companion. "Khul recognized the curse as one which means that you'll never find love and happiness, do you understand? Any guy that you get involved with, it won't end well; it can't, not while the curse is in place. The more you fall in love with him, the worse it'll eventually blow up in your face! Khul didn't know who or how or why, but someone is manipulating you."

He saw her look and said pleadingly, "You gotta believe me! Cordelia, it's your LIFE we're talking about!"

Cordy simply couldn't help it, she suddenly began to believe him. As he'd said, there was a time when they'd been friends – and if this was some sort of a joke or a trick, it had long since passed the point of being funny. "You're not kidding, are you?"

"Why else would I even bother to come here, damn it!?" Xander exploded, before he forced himself to calm down. "Come on, let's go. We gotta go talk to Giles about this, try to get that curse lifted off you."

As the two teens left the Chase manor, somewhere in a higher dimension, the creature that would have been named 'Jasmine' started cursing non-stop as many of her plans collapsed into rubble.

***

**Angel's basement apartment, Sunnydale, California**

**November 13****th****, 1997**

Angel, the one and only vampire with a soul, was brooding about a number of things within the dark lair he called home.

First and foremost, there was the fact that he had broken up with Buffy about a week ago.

Even though it had totally shattered her heart, Angel had told the Summers girl that it was too dangerous for them to be together anymore. He'd warned Buffy that she had to stop going out alone after dark, had to stop acting as if she was still the Slayer; that losing her powers meant having a normal life, and not associating with vampires and demons.

It had been enough for Buffy to demand her powers back, cornering Xander in the library and ordering him to DO something not long after Giles had left town. The petite blonde hadn't been in the mood to take 'no' for an answer, that was certain.

But as far as Angel knew, there was nothing that boy could do to help her; Harris wasn't a god, and he couldn't summon Osiris any longer either. Besides, you didn't piss off a deity that way if you had even an ounce of brains in your head – the consequences could and would be catastrophic if Buffy started making demands of Osiris.

( _That's one of the reasons why I love her,_ ) Angel thought with a mental sigh. ( _Her wonderful, emotion-filled stubbornness..._ )

All of a sudden, someone kicked down his front door, the wood smashing apart and falling down with a loud thump. A brown-skinned girl carrying a stake burst into the apartment, grabbed Angel by the throat and shoved him up against the wall, her wooden weapon already pressing up against his heart. "Don't move, vampire, or Mr. Pointy will travel anodder six inches forward and you'll be a pile o' dust," Kendra the vampire Slayer promised him in her distinctive accent. "Angelus, isn't it?"

"No. Angelus was the soulless monster who would have killed you the moment you set foot in my house. I'm Angel," the ensouled vampire said calmly, not twitching a single muscle.

"So I've heard from me predecessor and her friends, before I told 'em to stay out of me business from now on," Kendra said contemplatively. "Dat Buffy girl? Meself, I tink she's an idiot for ever getting involved wit a vampire!"

"You're entitled to your own opinion, even if we're not together anymore," Angel said in that quiet tone, refusing to let Kendra's words get to him. "So. You're here to kill me? A vampire is a vampire, soul or not; is that it?"

"Hard to say. Dat Xander person? He told me dat he didn't like you; but you were part o' de team, and dat I should give you a chance to leave de Hellmouth before I killed ya," Kendra replied contemplatively, ignoring Angel's look of surprise. "So what'll it be? I've already killed yer children, Spike 'n Drusilla, and good riddance to 'em. Do I make it three vampires today, or not?"

"I'll leave. It'd be all for the best, anyway; Buffy needs to find a human boy her own age, and she can't do that if I'm still in Sunnydale. She'd never stop pining over me," Angel confessed after a burst of insight.

Without warning, Kendra let him go and withdrew the stake from his chest. "Ya've got one hour after sunset, and dat's it. If I come back to dis place and you're still here, you'll wish dat I'd made it quick just now." With that Kendra turned her back on him and left the apartment, all the contempt she had for the ensouled vampire clearly evident in every step she took.

Silently, Angel began to pack his stuff. He had already decided not to say goodbye to Buffy in person; there was no point in adding to his beloved's pain, it would be best if he just left her a note and then disappeared out of town.

***

**Rack's mobile lair, Sunnydale, California**

**November 28****th****, 1997**

Cordelia didn't like the look of this place. She didn't like the look of the smirking Rack either. But according to Xander, this magic dealer might be the best chance of getting that damned curse removed, and so she was determined to persevere and pay whatever price she had to in order to be free of it.

"Well, now, don't you two make a cute-looking couple," Rack observed with a knowing leer, staring at the two teens. "So what'll it be? The best magical way to pleasure your boyfriend in bed, or a charm to enable your girlfriend to do kinky yet incredible things in the sack?"

"Hey, hey, hey! That's not why we're here, repulsive brain," Cordelia barked out angrily. "And just so you know, Xander and I aren't together either. He came with me today for some emotional support, is all."

"Sure. Whatever you say, kid," Rack smirked again.

Xander spoke a few words in ancient Egyptian, and immediately the smile was wiped off Rack's face.

"How the hell did a young punk like you learn about THAT?" the now wide-eyed magic pusher asked.

"I was the High Priest of the Temple of Sobek during Halloween, a guy named Khul. And I can still remember everything he knew," Xander replied evenly, not bothering to elaborate any further about what the Egyptian had done to the souls of those people he'd considered his enemies. "Now my friend here is under a curse, and she wants it removed. Money's not an issue on this, at least not as long as you're honest about what the job will involve. Interested?"

"Very," Rack nodded at once. These two were like a breath of fresh air in his ho-hum existence of addicting foolish teenagers to his powerful brand of magic, and then making them pay him through the nose for it. He walked up to Cordelia and said, "But first I need to take a little tour of the facilities, and I gotta warn you – it'll hurt. A lot."

"Do what you have to," Cordelia said nervously, steeling herself as Rack plunged his glowing fist into her abdomen.

A few moments later, Rack withdrew it as Cordelia struggled not to scream in pain. "Well, I've got bad news – and I've got other bad news."

"What's the bad news?" Xander asked, grabbing the cheerleader and steadying her before she fell down.

"The curse can't be removed, at least not by anyone like me. From what I can tell, it was placed on your girl whilst she was still in her mother's womb, long before she was ever born," Rack said simply, a brief look of distaste on his face. "Whoever did it is a major player, too, someone way out of my league."

"And the other bad news?" Cordelia asked, struggling not to be sick over the thought that her life was effectively ruined, that she would never have a husband and children and the whole 'happily ever after' thing.

"There's a tracking spell on you of some sort, as well as the curse," Rack said, wiping his hands with a towel. "Really well hidden, but it's there. I figure you didn't know about that?"

"No," Xander replied, noting how Miss Chase was starting to get teary-eyed. "Can you tell us who, and whereabouts it leads?"

"Sorry. But the good news is, the tracking spell CAN be removed; just not by me," Rack said with a sunny smile. "That'll be fifty bucks, please, for my consultancy fee."

Cordelia threw the money at him, and ran away crying. Xander just sent Rack a hard look before following her out of the lair. "Cordy, wait up!"

"Why? So you can gloat how Cordelia Chase finally got hers, that your fondest wish has finally come true?!" the young woman exploded at Xander, as they found themselves alone on the empty Sunnydale street.

"No," Xander said quietly. "I just want to talk to you about what our next move is gonna be, who we'll consult next about this."

"But didn't you hear what that guy said? The curse can't be lifted! I'm doomed to live the rest of my life all alone!!" Miss Chase cried.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Xander said grimly. "Come on, let's go back to the library. You and I have got some more researching to do."

"Oh, what's the point?" Cordy asked hopelessly, as she let him escort her back to her car. "Giles is gone, and that new Watcher wants nothing to do with us. Be honest, Xander; what are the chances of success?"

"I don't know. But where there's life, there's always hope," Xander quoted the old saying to her. "I mean, if Khul had given up every time he'd come up against an obstacle, he'd have died when he was barely eight years old."

They got into her car and Xander added, "And if there's one thing I seemed to have picked up from that guy ever since Halloween, it's being one stubborn son of a bitch like he was."

***

**Kingman's Bluff, Sunnydale, California**

**May 9****th****, 2002**

Nearly five years had passed, and the lives of the Scooby Gang had turned out somewhat differently to what otherwise might have happened.

Not long after Xander and Cordelia's meeting with Rack, an evil robot named Ted Buchanan had started dating Joyce Summers. Thanks to her daddy issues, Buffy had rejected its presence in her life at once. So, Ted had brutally beaten up the blonde girl in her bedroom one night before being forced to go on the run, as without the Slayer essence on her side Miss Summers hadn't stood a chance against the homicidal psychopathic machine. That particular night had marked a turning point in Buffy's life; it was why she had started going to a martial arts instructor and learned how to defend herself without any super-powers to fall back on.

By that point, oddly enough, Cordelia had stopped associating with the school's popular crowd, and cut herself off socially as well. No more dates, no more Bronze, no more nothing as despair threatened to swallow her whole. About the only person she associated with was Xander, who eventually found someone to eradicate that tracking spell that Jasmine had been using to keep an eye on her would-have-been mother.

It had alarmed Cordelia's parents when they'd finally taken notice of what was going on with their daughter. But by that point, it had been too late; Mr. and Mrs. Chase had had their own problems to deal with, including the IRS seizing everything during the latter half of senior year. Cordy had almost committed suicide after her family had gone completely broke – but luckily, Xander had shown up and saved her life after the drug overdose, rushing the former socialite to hospital.

He was the only one who truly cared whether Cordelia lived or died by that point, unfortunately.

Willow and Buffy had subsequently taken to UC Sunnydale like a fish did to water. Xander hadn't gone on to college himself; he'd been too busy getting a job and pulling down enough money for him and Miss Chase to live on, as he had appointed himself her guardian after her parents had been arrested and sent to jail.

Thus, Harris had only peripherally been involved when the cyborg named ADAM had begun his reign of terror, or when the hellgod named Glory had done likewise a year later, or when Kendra had made the ultimate sacrifice for the cause last year diving off that tower.

But Xander HAD taken notice of the three geeks named Warren Mears, Andrew Wells and Jonathan Levinson, who had basically annoyed Kendra's successor Faith for ages this year. He couldn't help it; Jonathan had once been a friend, and under different circumstances, Harris might very well have become one of the criminal nerds himself.

Oddly enough, Faith had become Buffy's girlfriend after the former Slayer had decided to experiment a little – college girls did tend to do that, after all, and Angel was just a fading memory now. Willow herself had long since forsaken Xander and had moved on to the shy blonde named Tara Maclay, after finding her soul mate and figuring out that she was gay.

At any rate, Faith had been in the Summers backyard when Warren had come to shoot her with a handgun. Buffy had managed to get her girlfriend to the hospital, but sadly, Tara had died when a stray bullet had taken her life in the upstairs bedroom. An enraged Willow had summoned Osiris to bring her back, recalling the Halloween incident from years ago – she was a very powerful witch now, and could do such a thing far more easily than Khul could ever have. But Osiris had refused, which had led Willow down a dark path of hate and revenge.

Warren had been skinned alive, Andrew and Jonathan had run for it out of Sunnydale and Giles had teleported back from England to stop the murderous über-witch.

Unfortunately, that hadn't worked out too well – Dark Willow had drained all his borrowed magical power, and had come up with the terrible idea of destroying the world in order to end everyone's pain.

As Dark Willow funnelled the life-force of the planet into a demonic statue in order to burn the world into a cinder, the ritual was suddenly interrupted as Xander got in front of the green beam of light. The black-eyed, black-haired badass just glared at her one-time romantic crush. "What do you think you're doing, Xander?"

"Not too sure myself," Xander admitted. "All I know is, Will, you don't wanna do this-"

"Get out of here," Dark Willow said coldly, sick and tired of the platitudes she had been hearing lately.

"Ah, no. You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped-up über-witch, but – this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century," Xander grinned weakly.

"I'm no joke like you, Xander. Get out of my way. Now." The evil witch sent a bolt of magic at the young man. It lifted him off his feet and threw him to the ground at the base of the statue, but it wasn't enough to make Harris give up. As Dark Willow started sending that green life-force into the statue of Proserpexa again, Xander staggered to his feet and blocked the flow of magic once more.

Willow glared at him again for it. "You can't stop this."

"Sure, but I gotta try, Will. Same as I've been trying to free Cordelia from her curse all these years," Xander said, holding his ribs painfully.

"You'll fail. You'll die," Dark Willow promised him simply.

"Yeah, odds are. It's just, where else am I gonna go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World's gonna end, where else would I want to be?" Xander asked sincerely.

"How about in bed with Cordelia? Yeah, mister, I saw you guys going at it when I was checking out the nerd herd's surveillance system recently; your apartment was part of their hidden camera network," Dark Willow spat out venomously. "Tara said it was about damn time when she saw it looking over my shoulder, but I told her-"

"That it couldn't possibly end well. Yeah, I know, curse and all that. I'm telling you, that's the last time Cordy and I are ever gonna get drunk together," Xander grunted. "Especially if you do something as apocalyptically evil and stupid like this, Will."

"Shut up," the witch hissed angrily.

"Why? You're my Willow. Cordelia may have been the first woman to touch my body, but you were the first person to ever touch my soul," Xander told her painfully, as he tried to stay upright. "So if I'm going out, it's here. You wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that much, after everything since our first day in kindergarten together."

"You think I won't do it?" Dark Willow sneered, but her face betrayed how upset she was feeling right now.

Xander said sadly, "It doesn't matter. I'll still love you-"

Willow gestured with her hand. There were no magic bolts of light, but Xander's head jerked to the side as if he'd been slapped hard. Three parallel cuts appeared on his cheek, bloody as if scratched by the talons of a beast.

Harris put his hand up to them, and then looked at his bloody fingers. "I love you, Willow."

Willow made another slashing gesture. Xander doubled over and fell to his knees. Panting, he slowly got up again; his shirt was ripped open over the heart, with more claw marks visible on his chest. No doubt about it, this wasn't working out well.

Harris panted and grimaced from the pain, but nonetheless faced Willow again. "I...love y-"

"SHUT UP!" Dark Willow screamed. "Or I'll personally hunt down Cordelia and kill her right in front of you!"

Xander's eyes went wide. "Wha-?"

"You heard me, Xander!" Dark Willow said triumphantly, feeling all the rage and anger begin to build higher and higher. "And you know what? I should have done it YEARS ago!!"

"NO!!" Xander cried out, a note of fear in his voice. "DON'T-!!"

Too late, Dark Willow began to turn around, but she was instantly pierced by the knife the former Slayer was carrying. Appearing shocked at being stabbed in the back this way, the über-witch felt Buffy grab her head and twist viciously – and then Dark Willow knew nothing more, as the darkness claimed her forever.

"YOU KILLED HER!!" Xander screamed in agonized pain, as he made his way over to the corpse of his best friend. He fell to his knees and saw Willow's body change, the red hair returning and the black veins disappearing as her face relaxed into the embrace of death.

"I'm sorry, Xander, but it had to be done," Buffy said sadly. She dropped to her knees as well, the tears falling down her own cheeks. "And you know I'm right; she wasn't the person we knew, not anymore. That Willow died at the same time Tara did."

Xander didn't bother to reply; he just grabbed the redhead's body and started speaking an ancient Egyptian prayer for the dead, trying to hold back the hot, scalding tears.

Hoping that someone, somewhere, would show mercy to Willow's terribly tortured soul.

***

Next: Story 16 - Hello Mr. Jordan


	16. Hello Mr Jordan

**Date written**: Fri 16 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** I have to admit, 1978 was very good year and some excellent movies came out of Hollywood back then. The original film called 'Here Comes Mr. Jordan' was good too, of course, but for me, the Warren Beatty movie is what truly inspired this story. Anyway, my thanks as always to everyone who's sent feedback and reviews, please keep it coming.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 16: Hello Mr. Jordan

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Xander Harris was, to put it rather bluntly, an outcast. Too much like a jock to fit in with the school nerds, and too much of a geek to fit in with the popular crowd, he existed on the fringes of the high school hierarchy; someone who had only two friends in this world: Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg.

( _I gotta learn to stand up for myself,_ ) the boy thought to himself firmly, as he paced back and forth in the empty library. That idea was pretty much a given now, thanks to Buffy deciding that she had to defend him against Larry Blaisdell, the football quarterback who had been about to beat Xander to a pulp in the student lounge today.

( _I gotta get a Halloween outfit for tomorrow night that makes a statement to both Larry and Buffy..._ ) Harris then thought to himself rather despondently.

Suddenly, Xander had an idea.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Larry was feeling like he was in a pretty good mood today. Okay, Buffy Summers had utterly rejected him, but there were plenty of other fish in the sea; and it wasn't like she was all that hot-looking, either. Plus, it was certain she wouldn't always be there to stop him from kicking the ass of that wienie who followed her around like a love-sick puppy.

Speaking of which...

"Where's your bodyguard, Harris? Curling her hair?" Larry sneered, as he came up to Xander from behind. He suddenly frowned at the costume the wimp was wearing, grey sweatpants and tracksuit top plus a golden trumpet held in one hand. "Who the hell are you supposed to be dressed up as?"

"Joe Pendleton, starting quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams – before they moved to St. Louis two years ago," Xander replied, relishing the look of momentary confusion on Larry's face. "You DO know who that is, right, Lar?"

"Of course!" Larry spat out, even though that was a bare-faced lie: the high school quarterback had never heard of the man, even though the Rams used to be one of his favourite NFL teams. That, of course, was due to the fact that Larry had never heard of the 1978 movie, 'Heaven Can Wait'.

"One of the best damn arms in the whole League!" Blaisdell then declared firmly, hoping to bluff his way past the fact he had no idea who Harris was talking about.

"Superbowl material, yeah," Xander tried to hide a grin. "Well, 'scuse me – I've got my squad waiting for training and all..."

"Huh?" the young man dressed as a pirate asked, before recalling that Xander wasn't part of the Sunnydale Razorbacks in any way, shape or form. "Hey! Harris, you cut that out!"

But it was already too late for that, as Xander left him behind with a huge grin on his face.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

When the chaos spell took place not long after sunset, for all its victims it was like being hit with the mystical equivalent of a freight train.

Ethan Rayne, the owner and proprietor of Ethan's Costume Shop, had just finished incanting a spell empowered by the Roman deity known as Janus – something designed to turn everyone who had bought a costume at his store into whoever or whatever they'd dressed up as. In the case of Xander Harris, that worked both ways: he not only became the fictional football player known as Joe Pendleton, but he also became a ghost – as Xander's physical body crashed to the ground, dead.

"What the hell-?" Joe looked around in surprise. He could see himself on the ground, or at least someone who looked like him from the back – Xander's face wasn't visible. The spirit stood there for a moment, and then he started watching parents and children around him running in all directions. He saw things being thrown and windows being broken, as creatures that looked like demons started running amok on the street.

( _Where am I? What's going on?_ ) Pendleton asked himself, as he tried to remember what the heck he was doing here.

Unfortunately, he failed. Joe's last memory was of leading the LA Rams to victory in Superbowl XIII within another man's body, and of his spirit guide, Mr. Jordan, removing all knowledge of his past life; thereby leaving him behind to actually BECOME the quarterback known as Thomas Jarrett, and putting him back on his predestined path in life. Something that instantly made him want to be sick.

( _Oh my God – I can't believe Mr. Jordan did that to me! I know he said that everything happens for a reason, but that's going too far..._ ) Joe thought to himself.

"Xander! Xander – what, oh my GOD!" Joe heard a young woman scream almost directly in his ear. He turned around to see the girl named Willow Rosenberg point frantically at the body near their feet, "You're down there, and yet you're up here as well? You're...you're a ghost like me!"

"Who's Xander?" Joe didn't get it. Then he stuck his hand through Willow's incorporeal form, to confirm her status. ( _Well, I guess it's nice to have company again during this sort of thing._ ) "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Joe Pendleton, and you are?"

"I'm, I'm Willow Rosenberg, but Xander – do you really not know me?" The girl was gazing at him with a terrified look on her face.

"Who's Xander?" Joe asked again, beginning to get annoyed.

Just then, a monster roared from across the street. Unlike events in a world where Xander Harris had dressed up as a soldier, there was nothing Joe Pendleton could do to prevent the creature from coming towards them; and as the demon advanced, one of its clawed feet landed squarely on Xander's dead head, squashing it like a grapefruit.

Immediately, the ghost who thought he was Joe Pendleton began to fade away, until there was nothing left of Xander Harris to see in the chaotic Sunnydale night.

"XANDERRR!!" Willow screamed hysterically, staring at her friend's desecrated corpse in sheer horror.

Of course, that was almost nothing compared to what happened later on – when Buffy was brutally murdered by a demon, Cordelia Chase was mauled to death on the street by the monster chasing her, and a vampire found Willow's comatose body lying on that porch and drained her of blood completely, causing her ghost to fade out of existence as well.

***

**A higher dimension way-station**

**A time meaningless to mortal minds**

Within a white, cloud-like environment Xander Harris was walking along with his escort, still clad in his grey Halloween costume and carrying his golden trumpet. The young man was thinking that this was a very lifelike dream as he glanced at the man next to him.

"Hey. Uh, who are you?" Xander asked politely.

"I'm your escort, Mr. Harris. Please, let's not dawdle, we're running somewhat late today as it is," the man said, not bothering to look at his charge.

( _Ah, right, I'm dreaming that I'm Joe Pendleton and that I'm actually the leading actor in the movie. Well, cool! I can't wait to tell Willow and Buffy about this after I wake up!_ ) "Right. So, do I get to meet Mr. Jordan before we get to the plane?"

The escort frowned, turning to face Xander as they walked. "How did you know the name of my supervisor?"

"Never mind that, dude, I'm dreaming. Why spoil all the fun with the whole meaningless exposition thing?" Harris sent a beaming grin to his escort.

The heavenly messenger just kept frowning, as they reached the end of the line. "Mr. Harris, I need to explain before you proceed any further. Now, this is not your ultimate destination-" the escort started to say.

"-it's just a way-station," Xander said at the same time as the escort, still grinning. "I know, pal. I'm supposed to get aboard that plane, which is actually just a representation of my mind, and it'll take me where I'm supposed to go next. And now, this is the part where I say there's been a big mistake, and you bring Mr. Jordan to talk to me, and we get this whole thing straightened out, right?"

The escort frowned again. _( What's going on here?_ ) he wondered, before he quickly came to a decision on what to do. Which was to pass the buck as soon as possible, just like any earthly flunky would have done.

"Please wait here, Mr. Harris," he said. "I need to go talk to my supervisor." With that, the escort walked off a little further down to the front of the line.

"Xander? What are you doing here?" Buffy's confused voice distracted the young man, as he whirled around and saw the beautiful blonde heading straight towards him in her noblewoman outfit, along with her own escort. "You've never been in my dreams before..."

"Your dream? Sorry, Buffster, but this is MY dream," Xander felt the need to correct her. "And believe you me, this is way different to the usual ones I have...where you're wearing nothing but a lime-green bikini, and finally ramming a stake into Dead Boy's chest-"

Buffy instantly slapped him, an angry look on her face. "If I wasn't dreaming, Xander, I would be SO pissed off at you right now!"

"What the hell is going on here?" the angry voice of Cordelia Chase intruded into the conversation, distracting Xander from the shock of being slapped like that. He suddenly got a very bad feeling in the depths of his stomach, as Cordy shooed her escort away and strode in his general direction.

The brunette girl, who was still wearing her leopard-like cat outfit, joined Xander and Buffy and said, "What are you two doing in my dreams? As if I don't suffer enough from you people while I'm awake and at school!!"

"Uh, guys? Hi," Willow's timid voice appeared out of nowhere, as the redhead came out of the white fog with her own escort, who placed her in position behind Cordelia and then walked to the front of the line of people to join his colleagues. "Will-will somebody please tell me that I've been dreaming lately, a-and that I'm gonna wake up from that nightmare of seeing you all get killed just now?"

"WHAT?" Xander, Buffy and Cordelia all said in unison. "Willow, what are you talking about?" the blonde Chosen One then demanded. "Man, if this is a prophet-y Slayer dream, then I really have a bone to pick with the people who send 'em to me!"

"Excuse me just a moment," the middle-aged gentleman in a suit and tie broke into their conversation, as he came over to the teenage quartet. "I take it you're Alexander Harris?" he asked in Xander's direction.

"Hello, Mr. Jordan," Xander replied weakly, the lead ball in his stomach now threatening to give him an ulcer. "That IS your name, right?"

"Well, one of them at least," the man looked confused for a moment. "How did you know that?"

"Yeah, Xander, how DID you know that? And hey, why is it that none of this actually seems surprising to you?" Buffy demanded.

Xander abruptly noticed that they were the last ones left in line; the rest of the passengers had all boarded the plane by now. "Mr. Jordan, I'd like to request a check-out for all four of us, if that's okay? The names are Alexander Lavelle Harris, Buffy Anne Summers, Cordelia Rose Chase, and Willow Danielle Rosenberg." The young man was almost literally grasping at straws here, as he gestured to his female companions. "When are we all officially due at this way-station? Because I'm really hoping there's been a big mistake, and we didn't all die during Halloween."

"Oh dear God! You mean, that wasn't just a bad dream?!" Willow shrieked at once. "Xander, you mean I-I really did see your head get splattered all over the street, a-and Buffy really got her heart ripped out?"

"No..." Buffy looked green, suddenly recalling that.

"No, no, this isn't happening!!" Cordelia said in denial, memories of that Sasquatch feasting on her flesh suddenly filling her mind. "I am NOT dead! I still have way too much to do in my life! I don't accept this, no way!"

"Mr. Jordan, everyone else is aboard," one of the escorts reported to the supervisor. "Sir, may I suggest-"

"I want an official ETA on Alexander Harris, Buffy Summers, Cordelia Chase and Willow Rosenberg immediately," Mr. Jordan interrupted his minion, staring hard at Xander.

"Sir?" the heavenly messenger looked confused. "They're right here, their estimated arrival time has already passed..."

"Just do it," Mr. Jordan's tone was one that didn't countenance disobedience.

"Yes, sir." The escort went over to a red telephone. He punched in some numbers, and then appeared to go white with shock. "Uh, sir? I think you better take this personally, it's one of the Powers themselves..."

This time Mr. Jordan was the one to go pale. He grabbed the phone and said, "Yes?" He listened for a few moments. "I see. Very well, I'll do my best...yes, thank you, sir. Goodbye." He looked over at the heavenly messenger as he hung up and said, "Let the others depart to their final destination, I'll be taking over this case personally." He went over to rejoin the Scooby Gang, "I take it that you alone know what's really going on, Mr. Harris?"

"Okay, that's it! I want to wake up RIGHT NOW!!" Cordelia yelled, glaring at Mr. Jordan. "What do I have to do, like, pinch myself a zillion times?!"

"Miss Chase, all of you – look at me and listen very carefully to what I have to say. This is not a dream," Mr. Jordan said slowly and cautiously. "Life has a certain quality all its own, a certain feeling if you will. So do dreams. Deep down, you must know by now that this is not life, and it seems I must inform you that this is not a dream, either. This place is-"

"-what comes after life and after dreams," Xander said in perfect synch with Mr. Jordan, quoting from the movie. "Face it, Cor. You're dead. We're all dead, and our souls are here to be sorted to their final destinations. Game's over; as in do not pass Go, and do not collect two hundred dollars.

"Unless I happen to be wrong, by some kinda miracle?" Harris asked without much hope in his voice.

"No, or rather – not completely," Mr. Jordan replied, seeing the blonde, the redhead and the brunette openly gaping at their male friend. "I've just been in contact with the Powers That Be, Mr. Harris. Apparently, there's been some sort of error; the official arrival times for all of you were, in order of appearance, May 8th, 2001 for Miss Summers. March 23rd, 2004 for Miss Chase. January 19th, 2006 for yourself. And finally, June 6th 2202 for Miss Rosenberg here."

"Okay, I've heard just about enough of this," Buffy said roughly, refusing to believe any of it any longer after hearing the ridiculous assertion that Willow was supposed to die two centuries from now. The female warrior said roughly, "Mister, I don't care if I'm having a Slayer dream or not – if I don't wake up soon, I'm gonna make this your own personal nightmare!"

"Wait, please, Mr. Jordan – lemme handle this," Willow cut in at once, seeing the dark expression on the older man's face. She turned to her Slayer friend and said, "Buffy, think it through. How can this be a dream? Do you remember going to bed and falling asleep? Because I can remember watching you die on the street, just a few seconds after Xander got killed by having his head smashed apart. Don't you remember our last conversation? You called me a 'wanton strumpet', a-and you were acting like a noblewoman from 1775," Miss Rosenberg insisted.

"For a few moments, I was Joe Pendleton, that guy from the movie 'Heaven Can Wait'," Xander added in a haunted tone of voice. "And Willow, you were a ghost as well."

"Yeah. Even if I don't get why I ended up here, what happened to my body..."

"It was in fact drained of blood by a passing vampire, Miss Rosenberg. All of you were turned into your Halloween costumes by a chaos spell – apart from you of course, Miss Chase," Mr. Jordan explained, glancing in the ex-socialite's direction. "According to my information, Mr. Harris, you didn't choose the Halloween costume that you were originally destined to purchase at that point in your life, due to the nature of chaos interfering with probability and outcome. This in turn led to the deaths of all four of you, due to a series of events which has...well, simply put, it's resulted in a terrible disruption of the cosmic balance."

"Wait a minute, are you saying that all this is MY fault?" Xander asked, eyes wide.

"Well, duh! How could it be anything other than that?!" Cordelia said snippily. "Typical, you stupid dork. Even when you're not trying, you still manage to screw things up for everybody!"

"Why are you even here, Cordelia? Shouldn't you be headed down south in the direction of a warmer climate, so to speak?" Xander shot back, a sliver of venom in his tone.

"That's enough, both of you," Mr. Jordan interrupted the insult contest. He was starting to get annoyed from the teenagers' antics, something that hadn't happened in nearly ten thousand years. "This is no one's fault, so kindly cease and desist from the bickering."

Buffy was looking sick, still finding it hard to believe that she was dead – again. "Uh, can't you just send us back? You know, put us back in our bodies, and we all pretend this whole thing simply never happened?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not an option," Xander said at once, looking at Mr. Jordan. "If I had to guess, the best you can do is that thing of putting us into the bodies of other people that are about to die, right?"

"Indeed," Mr. Jordan nodded, no longer surprised at how much Xander seemed to know about the system here.

"Why?" Cordelia demanded. "Why can't I just be me again?"

"I don't have a head, Buffy doesn't have a heart, Will doesn't have any blood left, and you...well, I'm willing to bet that however you finally bought the farm, it didn't exactly leave your body intact," Xander wisecracked.

"SHUT UP, Xander! God, how is it that even after I die, I still can't be rid of you? What am I, cursed?" Miss Chase ranted.

"I said, enough! What we need to focus on is fixing what's happened – as quite frankly, the earth will be destroyed without all four of you present to play your parts," Mr. Jordan snapped.

"How, exactly?" Willow demanded. "I also wanna know, how the heck was I originally supposed to live for over two hundred years?"

Mr. Jordan contemplated that for a moment, and then said, "I think it'll be easier if I simply showed you." He paused. "This is what your life would have been like, had you not died earlier this evening." He snapped his fingers, and then Willow went rigid for a few moments.

And then she screamed.

Actually, that was putting way too mildly. Willow shrieked and screeched and yelled so loudly, the entire way-station trembled at her outpouring of grief and pain.

"Willow?!" Buffy, Xander and Cordelia shouted, trying to maintain their balance as the cloud-quake somehow shook their entire surroundings. Harris eventually made his way over to his childhood friend's soul and grabbed her tightly, which finally made Willow calm down; at least, enough for the quake to subside.

The redhead was still shaking her head though, muttering, "No, no, no..." without stopping. The young woman's mind was overloaded by the memories of two centuries worth of life, of all the good and evil she would have accomplished under different circumstances.

Moving on from Xander; cheating on her boyfriend Oz; discovering her soul mate Tara; helping save the world from Glory; nearly destroying the world after Tara's death; the mass Slayer activation; Twilight; losing her new girlfriend Kennedy; delving into dark magicks again before a time-travelling Buffy killed her during the 23rd century – everything.

"Miss Rosenberg? Miss Rosenberg!" Mr. Jordan's voice cut through her frantic thoughts of denial. "Please try to focus, or else I will have to remove all that information within your mind immediately."

"Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy stepped forward to her best friend, and was both hurt and surprised when Willow instantly jumped back, dragging Xander with her. "Willow?"

"Later," Willow said in a haunted tone of voice, unable to explain anything right now. "Much, much later..."

***

**1420 Truman Drive, Sunnydale, California **

**February 16****th****, 1998**

The witch known as Amy Madison began to prepare a magic spell in her room as, unbeknownst to her, the invisible souls of Willow and Mr. Jordan looked on. The red-haired girl had had a lot of time to get used to her memories of what would have been, and so she was now more-or-less functional again. She wasn't exactly happy, granted, but at least she could think straight once more.

Willow looked sadly at her former classmate, before turning to face Mr. Jordan. "Why Amy? She's my friend, Mr. Jordan, or at least here and now she still is – before she eventually turns her into her mother. Why does she have to die?"

"It's her time, Willow. It's her new destiny," Mr. Jordan replied, no longer using her surname when addressing her. He had done the same for Buffy, Cordelia and Xander as well, before they had finally been placed into the bodies of Amanda Bell, Holly Charleston and Mashad Bolling – before the memories of their past lives had been erased by the heavenly being. Mr. Jordan added, "There's a reason for everything. There's always a plan-"

"Yeah, sure there is," Willow interrupted angrily. "A plan where my friends suffer horribly and die young, while I hang around for two centuries as an evil, crazy, skanky 'ho. It doesn't matter that Buffy, Xander and Cordy don't remember who they were anymore, and that I won't remember being Willow Rosenberg in a few minutes either; just as long as the 'big picture' remains intact, right? Four lives for over six billion others, a-anyone can do that math!"

Mr. Jordan didn't reply, he simply gestured as Amy's spell exploded in her face and the blonde witch collapsed to the ground. Within moments, the body rose up again with Willow now in the driver's seat. She looked in the mirror and said, "Huh. I can still see myself? I wasn't expecting that..."

"That's because you're still Willow Rosenberg, at least for now. But once I've gone, you'll be Amy Madison and resume your own path..." Mr. Jordan said slowly, trailing off as he started looking up. "What? I don't understand, I..."

Willow looked puzzled, as she saw Mr. Jordan start to fade away. "Mr. Jordan? What's wrong?"

"I must say, this is utterly unprecedented...goodbye, Willow..." was the last thing the man managed to say, before he disappeared from sight completely.

Willow waited for her memories to disappear, for her to take over Amy's life and become the blonde witch completely. But nothing happened. Willow waited and waited, but she could still remember everything; and then there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" the female teen called out, still trying to guess what was going on here.

"Amy? It's time for dinner," said a voice Willow recognized as belonging to Amy's father. "Honey, don't be long, okay? The food will get cold!"

"All right," Willow said hesitantly, as she headed towards the door. Still not sure what was going on, she opened up and said to Mr. Madison, "I'm coming..."

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**February 17****th****, 1998**

Willow sat in the library, all alone. She looked around, wondering yet again just what to do next.

Much to her surprise, she had found she was still herself and not Amy Madison, and so she had come here to discuss the situation with Giles. Unfortunately, though, that plan had proven to be a bust; the British Watcher had returned to England after all of their funerals nearly four months ago, and Angel had disappeared out of his apartment as well. If Willow had to guess, he had gone underground and was probably in LA, as the vampire had quite the upcoming destiny there.

The young woman also had no idea where Kendra and her Watcher would be hiding in Sunnydale right now, either, assuming for the sake of argument that the Council had sent them here to take over Hellmouth guardianship duty.

Thus Willow had no one to talk to and confide in, as 'Amanda', 'Mashad' and 'Holly' currently had no idea who she – or rather 'Amy' – was.

( _I guess that doesn't really matter, though; I can become friends with Buffy and Xander and maybe even Cordelia soon enough,_ ) Willow thought to herself with a frown. ( _Assuming, of course, that I don't forget everything anytime soon. Which should have happened by now if it was ever going to happen, right? Mm, I think the best bet is for me to assume that all this is permanent for some reason, and I just do whatever I can to prevent the same mistakes from happening all over again... _)

***

**Sunnydale Museum of Natural History, Sunnydale, California**

**May 11****th****, 1998**

Willow waited for Sam Zabuto, Watcher to Kendra the vampire Slayer, to finish examining the rectangular chunk of rock containing the demon statue Acathla. It hadn't been easy getting Sam and Kendra's confidence over the last few months, but in between trying to stop der Kindestod, the poltergeist Jim Stanley, the swim team fish monsters and everything else, Willow had finally managed to get them to begin trusting 'Amy Madison'.

Sam examined the runes on the rock and frowned. His Oxford accent was quite evident as he turned to Amy/Willow and told her, "Yes, it is as you said, Miss Madison. I must call the Council at once, and arrange for this artefact to be sent to England. If this is, indeed, the container of Acathla..."

Impulsively, Willow did a spell – since this was no longer her body, her magical power was greatly diminished but still sufficient for the task at hand – and the front section of the rock collapsed face-down, making a rather loud racket. It was a good thing, therefore, that the museum staff had already gone home for the evening and the night watchman was snoozing instead of patrolling.

"Ooops! Sorry," the witch apologized lamely. Willow kept forgetting that her use of magic in this body was still kinda wonky at times.

Kendra's eyes had gone wide at the sight of Acathla, though. "Dis ting is evil! I can sense it!"

"Indeed," Zabuto agreed, he had recognized the stone demon at once. "This changes everything! Kendra, we must hurry and remove this demon from the museum before sunrise." This was, indeed, a very good thing, since it now meant that the vampires wouldn't have a chance to get Acathla first.

***

**City Hall, Sunnydale, California**

**May 14****th****, 1998**

"What's the meaning of this? How did you three get in here-?" Mayor Richard Wilkins the Third demanded angrily as he rose from his desk in order to confront the Watcher wet works team known as Smith, Collins and Weatherby.

The Council operatives didn't say anything, as they had already been briefed on what to do by Zabuto – who had in turn been informed by Willow of certain facts. The British gunmen simply opened fire and terminated the Mayor's life, before departing the premises at once.

They had a dormant demon statue to transport back to the United Kingdom as soon as possible, after all.

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**October 14****th****, 1998**

Willow watched without much surprise as 'Holly Charleston' won the Homecoming Queen award, the only difference from what she was able to remember from the original timeline was 'Mashad Bolling' being her date. ( _Well, what the heck. Maybe Xander and Cordelia can make it work in this life, without me and that evil demon Skip present to screw it up for them. If not, Anya's probably still hanging around here somewhere, after I smashed her amulet last month – I can always introduce Xander to her after high school is over..._ )

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**February 1****st****, 1999**

Willow ducked out of the way, as Kendra and her successor Faith – a potential Slayer activated not long ago, because of her 'suggestion' that the Council attempt to twin the Slayer line – battled to kill the Hellmouth demon during the semi-annual Sunnydale apocalypse. The blonde witch was far too busy trying to incant a binding spell alongside the Watcher, to wonder what was going on down in the basement...

Thus, it was quite lucky that 'Mashad' was there to fulfil his destiny, and prevent Jack O'Toole from inadvertently bringing about the end of the world.

***

**UC Sunnydale, Sunnydale, California**

**September 27****th****, 1999**

Willow weaved her way in and out of the crowd, pausing only briefly to watch the musician named Daniel 'Oz' Osborne perform with his group, 'Dingoes Ate My Baby'. She hadn't gotten involved with him during high school, figuring it would be best to spare him that sort of pain; and besides, she wasn't exactly his type.

There were no questions in Willow's mind regarding her sexuality, nowadays. The witch had just secretly slipped him some information about that werewolf monk in Tibet, and depending on what the female werewolf called Veruca got up to within the next few months, Oz would most likely use it and head for Asia soon.

Willow kept moving, seeing Buffy or 'Amanda' talking to the man named Riley Finn. The cheerleader was now the newly-called Slayer, exactly like Faith had been not all that long ago. Just like with 'Holly' and 'Mashad', Willow had hopes that without the baggage of her former life, Buffy could make it work with Riley; since the Rosenberg woman could remember how happy they had been for a year or so.

If not, there was always Spike – or even Satsu, the Japanese Slayer 'Amanda' might encounter a few years from now, once the Slayer scythe was found.

But all of that meant nothing to her during the next few moments, as Willow finally got a glimpse of Tara Maclay. The blonde woman who had once called Xander a "sweetie"; the only person who had never judged Buffy for sleeping with Spike, and the woman who had died far too soon in the original timeline, just as Willow, Xander, Buffy and Cordelia had done in this one.

( _Oh dear God, she's alive, _) Willow thought to herself in amazement, unable to help recalling Tara dying from Warren's bullet that day. ( _She really is alive!_ )

"Hey, Amy!" a male voice said out of the din of the crowd, as Willow turned around to see Xander and Cordelia standing there.

"Hey, Holly! Hey, Mashad!" Willow had finally gotten used to calling these two their new names, despite how she could still see who was really standing there right in front of her. She had long since gotten used to being called 'Amy' though, even if Mr. Madison had grieved the loss of his daughter and left town after Willow had confessed the truth to him.

"Aims! You're looking good tonight," 'Mashad' practically shouted.

"Thanks! How did the football team thing go?" Willow shrieked to make herself heard.

"I made it, of course!" 'Mashad' yelled, looking happy. "First-string college quarterback, standing right here!"

Willow nodded, even though that was the one completely alien thing about the new Xander, at least to her way of thinking: his athletic prowess. She suspected that the leftovers of being Joe Pendleton had remained, despite Mr. Jordan's best efforts to erase them; but if that was so, then so much the better. It certainly beat her friend being stuck in his parents' basement for a year.

"Yeah! Hey, great party, isn't it?" The brunette college cheerleader giggled as her boyfriend tried to tickle her, and 'Holly' slapped his hand away.

"The greatest! Hey, check out Amanda! I think that Teutonic Boy over there is trying to put the moves on her," 'Mashad' pointed at Riley, sounding just like the previous incarnation of Xander – which was always music to Willow's ears.

"Mashad!" 'Holly' smacked him, exactly like Cordelia would have done. "Come on, you big dummy, I wanna dance!"

Willow watched them depart, before heading off towards her own destiny. She knew that there were still plenty of obstacles in the future: ADAM and Glory and the Legion of Dorkness, and maybe even the First Evil; but for the first time in this lifetime, the young woman felt that things might actually turn out all right.

And somewhere up above, Mr. Jordan smiled and nodded, knowing that everything would indeed all work out for the best.

***

Next: Story 17 - The Wizard Behind The Curtain


	17. The Wizard Behind The Curtain

**Date written**: Sat 17 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **Hey, everybody, here's the latest one. I'm going slightly crazy at the moment with RL problems, so I'll just say thanks for all the latest reviews and feedback and try to sort out the mess at home.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 17: The Wizard Behind The Curtain

**City Hall, Sunnydale, California**

**October 22****nd****, 1997**

The Deputy Mayor of Sunnydale, Allan Finch, was having a conversation with his superior, Richard Wilkins the Third. "Um, sir? The, uh, the vampire situation has been getting rather problematic lately. After the Anointed One was killed, he was replaced by someone called William the Bloody...apparently, he's also known as Spike. But unfortunately, he's been upsetting the status quo quite a lot...and I'm afraid that people might actually begin to talk about what really goes on in this town, as a result of that."

"Well, gosh! We certainly don't need that, now, do we?" Richard replied in his typically chipper tone, as he practiced his golf putting in the office. "Nosiree, that would set a very bad precedent. It sounds to me like we've currently got ourselves a bit of a bad element here in Sunnydale, Allan. Hmmm, where did I put those sacrificial skinning knives again...?"

"I was thinking of, uh, something a bit less directly confrontational on our part, sir," Finch said, trying to contain his nervousness. The Mayor's flunky knew that whenever his boss started talking about killing or maiming someone, he could never be sure if the knives would end up in his own back or not. "Something that would involve more, ah, traditional family values."

"Oh, gee whiz! That sounds excellent to me, Allan!" Wilkins said heartily, as he managed to sink his golf ball directly into the catcher receptacle before the machinery spat it out again. "I think I'll leave it all in your very capable hands. That being said, of course, if your plan doesn't work – your hands will most likely end up as a trophy on my wall over there. I do need to practice with those knives, y'know."

The Mayor just smiled and chortled a little as Finch backed away in fear. After all, it never hurt to be reminded that he was the king of the mountain around here, and would be until the time for his ascension arrived.

"Heck, I was just kidding, Allan! Care to have a putt?" Wilkins offered with another big smile.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

The students known as Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris tried to sneak by Principal Snyder, but their efforts to slip past underneath his radar were all doomed to failure. Fate, unfortunately, had decided otherwise.

"Miss Summers! Miss Rosenberg! You too, Harris. Hold it right there!" the balding little man barked out in no uncertain terms.

"Principal Snyder! Hi!" Buffy said nervously.

"Hi!" Willow echoed.

"Hey there, Principal Snyder sir. Wonderful weather we've been having lately, huh?" Xander nodded enthusiastically.

"You mean apart from the meaningless hot air that constantly comes out of your mouth, Harris? No, wait, don't bother to answer," the principal said, scowling. "Now, odds are Halloween was probably going to be a big night for you three. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples, one pathetic activity after another.

"Well, not this year," Snyder said with a sense of perverse satisfaction. "I have plans for all of you."

"Actually, I was planning to just stay in and veg-" Buffy started to say.

"Be quiet. I'M talking right now," Snyder seemed to take great pleasure in watching the Slayer and her friends squirm. "Harris, Rosenberg, obviously you'd be familiar with our annual Halloween safety program, even if your juvenile delinquent friend here might not. But this year, we're doing something different. And you're all volunteering to take part."

"We are?" Willow asked timidly, not sure what that meant exactly.

"Uh, we're volunteering to take part in what, exactly?" Xander asked the question for her.

"It's a festival being sponsored tomorrow as an initiative by City Hall," Snyder informed him. "Everyone's going to be gathering at the grounds near that abandoned old castle-"

"Castle?" Buffy interrupted, not knowing that Snyder was referring to the place that the vampire known as Dracula would one day use as his headquarters.

"I'm still talking, Summers!!" the principal glowered at the blonde girl. "Now as I was saying, everyone will be gathering in what'll look like a medieval town close to the castle. There'll be some traditional Middle Ages activities, like a joust – but that's not important as far as you're concerned. What's important is that everyone dresses up for the part – including you three."

"Uh, Principal Snyder, I've got maybe two dollars in my pocket, I-I can't afford a big fancy Halloween costume," Xander spoke up.

Snyder just brushed that aside, "Whatever, that's not my problem. What's my concern is that plenty of people have already volunteered to play the part of the royalty and nobility at this little gathering...but we don't have any serving wenches, or ladies-in-waiting."

He stared with blissful delight at the horror-filled faces of Buffy and Willow. "Which is where you two come in..."

***

**Spike's lair, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

William the Bloody was in a fairly contemplative mood, as he watched the videotape of Buffy fighting one of his minions during the previous evening. Spike already knew how this Slayer was tricky and resourceful, but he hadn't figured just how he was going to kill her yet.

"Rewind it again," William ordered his chief lieutenant, his eyes never leaving the TV monitors..

Just then Drusilla, Spike's sire and girlfriend, came in from the other room. "Miss Edith needs her tea," the mad Englishwoman said with her typical nonsense-speak.

Spike just smiled, Dru was the only one who could bring out the vestiges of the sensitive poet he had been in human life. "C'mere, poodle."

Drusilla took his outstretched hand and said, "Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?"

"Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet," Spike told her at once. "That's why I've got to study this Slayer. Once I know her, I can kill her. And once I kill her, you can have your run of Sunnyhell. Get strong again."

Drusilla cocked her head. "Everything's switching, outside to inside. It makes her weak..."

( _Her? Hang on, is Dru talkin' about the bloody Slayer being weak?_ ) Spike asked himself. "Did my pet have a vision, then?"

"Do you know what I miss? Leeches," Drusilla suddenly segued off into Nuttyville without any warning.

Spike said to her somewhat impatiently, "Come on, luv, talk to Daddy. This thing that makes the Slayer weak? When is it?"

"Tomorrow," the insane female psychic replied, still listening to the siren song of the moon and the stars.

"But tomorrow's Halloween. Nothing happens on Halloween," William replied in confusion.

"Uh, Spike? There's something new happening this year, the whole town's been buzzing about it lately," the vamp minion named Lucas spoke up. "Some sort of Renaissance faire thing near the old castle, just about every blood bag in Sunnydale is gonna be there."

"And you didn't tell me about this before, why?" Spike narrowed his eyes dangerously as he stared at the hired help. "Can't help thinking, mate, what ELSE haven't you told me about lately?"

"Shhh," Drusilla distracted her childe, something for which Lucas was most grateful since it allowed him to keep on existing. "Someone's come to change it all. Someone new. Ohh!"

Drusilla clapped her hands in delight. "The stars say such delicious things about the naughty tricks he'll play..."

***

**The site of the Halloween festival, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Up until now, Buffy Summers had always thought that high school was hell. But today, she had discovered that she'd been wrong: THIS was a far better representation of what hell really was – being forced to act as a serving wench, just like one of her Slayer predecessors during the time of the Black Death.

The grounds had been made to resemble as realistically as possible a medieval town, with jesters and knights and everything else against the backdrop of the castle. Giles had volunteered to be the court magician, dressing up in a blue Merlin outfit; and somehow – Buffy had no idea how he'd pulled it off – Xander had dressed up as Merlin's apprentice, somebody named Melchior. Oddly enough only Willow, who was currently dressed as a lady-in-waiting, knew who that was; primarily because she was the one who had actually lent the book "The Return Of Merlin" to Xander in the first place.

But that wasn't what was bugging Buffy. What was annoying her was being treated like a slave by the so-called royalty and the nobility, namely...

"Hey! We need some more wine over here!" 'Lady' Harmony Kendall called out, an twisted grin on her face as the blonde cheerleader sat on the bleachers, watching the joust.

"Yeah! More wine!!" 'Princess' Cordelia Chase called out a few seconds later. Her family was playing the part of the Royals as her father was the richest man in town, and thus, he had been selected for the role by the Deputy Mayor.

( _Is murder always a crime?_ ) Buffy thought grouchily, as she came over and Willow gave her an apologetic smile. "Coming right up."

"Well, get on with it! Honestly, the hired help these days!!" Harmony said snootily.

Miss Summers knew it was wrong. She knew it was childish, and she knew Giles would say it was unworthy of her sacred calling and all that. Nonetheless, Buffy didn't hesitate even for a second in pretending to trip and splashing the fake red wine all over Harmony's noblewoman dress. "Ooops! Oh, I'm so sorry..."

"You IDIOT! Look what you've done to my costume!" Harmony bleated angrily, pointlessly trying to brush the worst of it off.

"Hey, I said I was sorry," Buffy shrugged as she got up, not sounding very sorry at all. "It's these stupid shoes – I don't get why we couldn't just simply wear a pair of cross-trainers or something!"

Harmony glared at her viciously, but there was nothing she could do; the medieval shoes excuse was a perfectly valid one, and every teenage girl here knew it. So all she said was, "Stay away from me from now on, you loser!"

"Not a problem," Buffy muttered, before Cordelia caught her eye. A silent conversation quickly took place between them: Cordy knew, and Buffy knew that she knew, but the Slayer also managed to convey with her eyes, "Don't bury yourself in the part or you'll be next."

Miss Chase got the message and so just turned away, continuing to watch the joust. ( _None of my business, anyway._ )

"Buffy," Willow said chidingly, as she stepped away from the bleachers for a moment.

"What? Don't tell me that you're not sick of being treated like a slave this way as well?" the Slayer whispered to her best friend angrily, making sure they were out of earshot.

"Well, sure, but..." Willow stammered.

"But nothing," the Chosen One interrupted her best friend. "I didn't ask for any of this, Will, and neither did you! The whole stupid thing is just something Snyder thought up to humiliate us in public, and I suddenly just had enough of it. Heck, I'm tempted to get undressed, kick his ass and go home right now!"

"You can't leave yet, Buffy! Snyder's got his eye on you," Willow pointed out the principal, who was dressed as some sort of medieval nobleman. "And as for the rest of it, that's just giving him the excuse he needs to expel you!"

Grumbling, Buffy conceded the point. Snyder WAS keeping her under close surveillance, that little troll. "Where's Xander, anyway? I haven't seen him ever since this joust thing got started."

"He's over there with Amy," Miss Rosenberg pointed out the third member of their little trio. "He, he looks kinda cute in that wizard's outfit, don't you think?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, honestly not in the mood to deal with Willow's hopeless crush right now. "I just wish Angel could be here. I know he said he'd stop by after sunset before they dismantled everything, but seriously, I could do with a bit of boyfriend comfort right now!"

Just then, Snyder started walking over to them and so the two girls quickly separated, Willow going back to stand behind Cordelia and Harmony and Buffy running to the refreshments tent to restock her jug of 'wine'.

Xander watched her do it, trying not to drool. The sight of Buffy's outfit – heck, the sight of just about every female outfit, including Willow's – were making him think very lustful thoughts, thoughts that he knew would make his girls smack him upside the head just for thinking them. If nothing else, he wouldn't be considered 'one of the girls' under such circumstances.

( _Hey, but I'm allowed to look and admire, aren't I?_ ) the young man asked himself hopefully.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth, Xander," Amy Madison's amused voice murmured in his ear. "Buffy's the Slayer, remember? I bet she'd kick your ass if she knew what you were thinking right now."

Looking guilty, Xander glanced back at Amy. "So what am I thinking right now?"

"Typical guy thoughts," Amy answered with a smirk. "Come on, you're practically undressing her with your eyes!"

"I am not!" Xander protested a bit too vigorously. "Buffy's my friend, you know-"

"Even though you want more?" Amy asked cuttingly. In response to his look she added, "Please, it's so obvious even a blind man could see it!"

"Yeah, but the Buffster's made it abundantly clear that she's not available where I'm concerned. So it doesn't really matter what I want, does it?" Xander asked with just a trace of bitterness.

"I guess not. Some things just aren't meant to be," Amy shrugged, planting the seeds in Xander's mind of starting to look at all the other fish in the sea. "And believe me, with my mom trying to relive her youth again in my body, I for one know that's true."

Xander glanced at the young woman alongside him. "Amy, you know what's what, have done ever since before Buffy came to town. So I gotta ask – how come you've never hung out with us ever since sophomore year? How come you never wanted to become a member of the Scooby Gang?"

Amy instantly grew uncomfortable. "Well, there was that thing where you wanted to cut my head off that day. Remember?"

"Yeah, but that's something for which I apologized after I realized my big screw-up concerning you and your mom," Xander replied, smelling a rat. "C'mon, 'fess up – what's the real reason?"

"I don't want to die," Amy finally told him the cold harsh truth. "If you keep going up against demons and vampires the way you, Buffy, Willow and Mr. Giles do, then eventually your number's gonna come up. And it's gonna happen sooner, rather than later."

It was Xander's turn to grow uncomfortable, as he turned away to watch the final stages of the joust. He knew that Amy had a point, however much he may not have liked her point of view. Not everyone was cut out for Slayage duty, and there was a reason why practically everyone in Sunnydale repressed about the real world all around them.

( _But if that's the case,_ ) Xander thought to himself as Giles came around, ( _then why didn't Amy repress after that thing with her mom was over? For that matter, why didn't Willow and I repress after the Harvest was over? Hmm..._ )

***

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**Not long before sunset**

The chaos mage named Ethan Rayne began to weave his spell in Latin. "Janus, evoco vestram animam. Exaudi meam causam. Carpe noctem pro consilio vestro. Veni, appare et nobis monstra quod est infinita potestas." A few moments later he added, "Persona se corpum et sanguium commutandum est. Vestra sancta praesentia concrescet viscera. Janus! Sume noctem!"

The supernatural power began to build up from both within and without.

And with a cold smile, Ethan said, "Showtime!"

***

**The site of the Halloween festival, Sunnydale, California**

**The same time**

The chaos spell flooded the area, and everyone who had bought a Halloween costume at a certain establishment turned into whoever or whatever they'd dressed up as. The knights became real knights, the jesters became real jesters and in the case of Xander Harris, he actually became the wizard apprentice of Merlin known as Melchior.

A new magical core was installed in the depths of Xander's soul. His skin became very brown, and his eyes a darker brown. Confused, looking around at all the townsfolk who had started to scream at the sight of a few trolls, goblins and elves, Melchior thought to himself, ( _Where am I? This isn't Camelot..._ )

The young wizard fought to calm himself, and not be bound by the illusions of time and space. His kind existed differently to mortal men; Melchior knew that there were infinite versions of every event possible, and that the deceptively simple straight lines of past, present and future didn't apply to those who could open their minds to the true web of life.

As the confusion started to fade, Melchior felt a blonde female – a witch, although her power was so terribly weak – grab hold of him and say, "Xander? Xander! Are you okay?"

"I am not this Xander you speak of," Melchior noted, as he read all her possible destinies. Most of them involved this girl becoming a rat for many years, and then turning just as evil as her mother; but not all of them. "My name is Melchior the wizard, at your service."

The young girl drew back, obviously afraid. "Mr. Giles!!"

Melchior turned to see an older man staring at him, there was an aura of magic about him too. He was dressed as Merlin, but the wizard knew at once that this was not his master. "Mr. Giles, I presume?"

"Yes, I-" Rupert ducked, as a rocky missile came flying his way, the riot starting to grow. "Good Lord, what the devil is happening here?"

The wizard didn't answer, as he was too busy focusing on the approaching group of vampires being led by a grinning Spike. He saw the vampiress called Drusilla staring at him, and instantly he knew that she was potential trouble.

( _You're a seer of some sort. You can hear me, can you not?_ ) Melchior thought, as Giles grabbed Amy and hauled her away after the wizard gave him a light shove in the right direction.

( _Hullo, kitten – except you're not my kitten, are you? You're the big bad wizard, you are! One of the three kings cast out from the east, oh...Miss Edith doesn't like you. Naughty, naughty, mustn't try to keep secrets from me!!_ ) Drusilla thought back at him, her insanity tainting her thoughts.

( _You_ _are cursed beyond all others of your kind, vampire; even more so than your sire,_ ) Melchior thought at her, not letting the screaming crowd distract him. ( _Like a wizard, you can see something of the truth behind the illusion of time, but not all of it. So, then, little blood-drinker, your wish is granted – no more secrets. It's time for you to learn exactly what you want to know._ )

"NOOOOO!!!!" Drusilla screamed, going into her demon face as Melchior magically showed her all the possible fates she would ever have within the blink of an eye. And in every single one of them, she ended up alone for the rest of eternity; whether Angel lost his soul or not, or whether Spike got a behaviour-modification chip stuck in his head or not.

"Dru, love..." Spike said impatiently, as the human mob started off in their direction. As soon as he understood the situation though, William started to panic. The first human to reach him, he killed easily enough, as he did the second and even the third; but the numbers were against him and his minions, and Spike was smart enough to know it.

"MELCHIOR!!!" Drusilla screamed, still staring at Xander's possessed body. She then turned and ran, despite how physically weak she was. Spike threw one of the fledglings into the crowd in order to buy himself a few more seconds, before he took off after her.

A bolt of lightning slamming down into the earth from high in the sky distracted the mob for a few moments, long enough for Spike and Drusilla to get a decent head start on their pursuers and lose them in the woods. As he watched the crowd go after them, Melchior knew that, thanks to that particular twist of fate, this was the last that Sunnydale would be seeing of the undead version of Sid and Nancy; the wizard understood how free will had granted Dru something destiny would have otherwise denied her.

Withdrawing from the humans, Melchior shape-shifted into a crow and quickly found a private place in which to meditate. After he resumed human form, the wizard assumed the lotus position. In his temporary sanctum, the threads of fate formed and reformed into dancing, ephemeral, exquisite patterns which only Melchior could see, entire worlds appearing and dissolving like dust motes in a beam of sunlight.

As Melchior followed all the various threads of destiny, though, he was rather surprised to see nothing of his own fate visible. No matter how hard he looked, there was simply no trace of it anywhere.

It was at that point the wizard began to suspect that something was wrong.

It was as if he simply didn't exist...

***

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

Ethan Rayne muttered a few words in Latin, and just like that, the chaos spell he'd cast was smoothly terminated. Unlike in almost every other track of fate that Melchior had foreseen, there was no need to break a bust of Janus or Ethan's old friend 'Ripper' almost beating him to death for the magic to be ended; here and now, Ethan merely looked up and said to his companion, "It's done."

"Very well," Allan Finch replied in a no-nonsense tone, which was very different from the barely-concealed panic he'd exhibited in the Mayor's presence last week. "Here's your money. Now pack your things and leave town before sunrise, or else you'll regret it."

Ethan did so, as the Deputy Mayor waited for him to depart. Finch then took a deep breath, since one of his minions had informed him that Spike and Drusilla had been spotted roaring out of Sunnydale in an old black Dodge Desoto a few moments before the spell had ended.

( _Mission accomplished, I guess, even though those two didn't end up dust. I just hope his Honour the Mayor will be pleased by the way I've handled all this..._ )

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

"Giles, I thought you said Halloween was supposed to be the one day of the year where the supernatural, y'know, took the night off?" Buffy asked pointedly, as she stared at her Watcher before glancing around at her circle of friends. "I mean, are you sure you got your calendar right? Because yesterday sure didn't seem like a normal everyday holiday to me!"

"Yes, well, I-I don't understand it either," the tweed-clad Englishman confessed. "Halloween is, is, well – typically, it's not like that..."

"In my opinion? Buffy, you make one lousy real-life serving wench! And Willow, did you have to cling so hard onto my arm when you were that lady-in-waiting?" Cordelia complained, which earned her a couple of glares. "What? It's not my fault you two got possessed by your costumes, and ended up a pair of simpering morons! Even Harmony handled yesterday better than you guys, well – until she decided that she was going to convince her dad to send her to a boarding school in another part of the state, anyway!"

"There's something I don't understand. Why did some of the townspeople change last night, and not others?" Angel asked, ignoring that last bit and making sure to stay well away from any areas of direct sunlight.

"Who knows?" Willow shrugged. "It didn't seem to follow any sort of pattern that I can figure out – nothing to do with age, height, weight, location, or even gender. Has anybody else come up with any other ideas?"

It turned out that no one had. Suddenly Buffy looked around and said, "Hey, where's Xander?"

Giles started, almost unable to believe that he'd never even noticed the boy's absence. "Yes, uh, that's a good question. I, for one, have a lot of questions to ask him, especially about the costume persona that possessed him yesterday – that Melchior chap..."

"Melchior? You mean, the wizard in that book he got from me?" Willow yelped in sudden alarm. "Xander actually turned into HIM?"

Everyone just stared at her, wondering why she was suddenly looking so flustered.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't take long for them to find out.

***

**Somewhere near a wooded area close by Weatherly Park, Sunnydale, California**

**January 12****th****, 1999**

"What the heck are we doing here?" Amy asked Xander, as they watched Buffy patrol her town on the lookout for vampires.

These days Miss Madison wasn't afraid of dying quite so much, since her powers had increased to the point where she felt she wouldn't automatically get killed if she ventured outside her house at night. "And why are we avoiding Buffy? For that matter, why have you been avoiding all your friends ever since last year?"

"I have my reasons," Xander replied, in a far-too-mature tone of voice. Being Melchior for one night had affected him deeply, so much so that the old Xander had been almost completely replaced by a new one.

A new Xander that Buffy and Willow simply weren't very comfortable around.

He said to Amy, "Walk with me, and let me tell you a story."

"Okay, I'm listening..."

"Once upon a time, there was this village near the Black Forest in Germany. One night during 1649, a cleric found the bodies of two children – their names were Gretchen and Hans Straus, six and eight years old. The demon that murdered them put a strange mark on their hands, something that led to a lot of anti-witch hysteria," Harris supplied in a cool, almost academic manner.

"So?" Amy looked like she didn't understand why she was hearing all this right now. She had no idea that Xander was drawing on Melchior's memories of all of her different possible destinies, and a lot of research done ever since 1997.

"Well, that demon, it was kind of weird as demons go. It thrived not by killing people, but by getting them to kill each other. So it came up with an idea after the all the witch-hunt murders in that village were finished, which was to do it all over again at some point in the future. It happened in Salem after the damn thing decided to head for the colonies, during 1692 as a matter of fact," Xander said as Amy stared at him curiously. "Every fifty years or so, some isolated community finds a couple of dead kids whose names are a total mystery...and tonight, it's our turn."

Amy stopped, shocked as she saw where Xander was pointing. As they arrived on the scene, she saw the dead boy and girl, with the girl child having a symbol drawn on the palm of her hand: a pyramid in profile with a wavy line through it. The witch then spluttered, "That's, that's a..."

"An ingredient for a protection spell? A harmless witchcraft icon? I know that, and you know that," Xander nodded. "But that's not the way the good citizens of Sunnyhell would see it. Human beings haven't changed all that much in the last 350 years, sorry to say. Sure, we're a bit cleaner, a bit better educated. But deep down where it counts...well, basically, we're no different from what we were back when Mordred came roaring in with his army, and burned Camelot down to the ground."

Amy watched, wide-eyed, as Xander gave her a sheet of paper. The young witch read the words aloud, and then when Xander threw a potion at the dead children's feet, she got the shock of her life – as the corpses blurred, before disappearing and one huge-ass demon stood growling before them. "Oh my GOD!!"

Luckily for all concerned, Buffy showed up at that moment chasing after a vampire, her mother Joyce hot on her heels; deciding to deal with the more immediate threat first, Miss Summers quickly engaged in battle with the Hansel and Gretel demon, as destiny took another abrupt left turn from what otherwise might have been.

***

**Rack's mobile lair, Sunnydale, California**

**February 28****th****, 1999**

The magic dealer named Rack easily ignored the look of disgust on the younger man's face, as he faced both Xander and Amy. "Well, now, what can I do for you two?"

"Mayor Richard Wilkins," Xander said, trying to curb the loathing he felt towards this wizard for his abuse of magic. It had been a long time since he'd had such an extreme emotional reaction like this to anybody, but this guy was someone that Harris felt sure even Melchior would have detested. "You've heard of him?"

"You brought this guy here?" Rack directed his slimy smile towards Amy. "Sugar, I thought I told you that if you want anything from me, you have to give a little to get a little..."

"Rack-" Amy started to say.

But Xander interrupted at her once, "You should know that we're on friendly terms with the new Slayer around here; her name's Faith. And I'm sure that once she knows what it is you get up to, Rack, she'd like nothing better than to hunt you down – and then torch this place with you in it. Slayers do tend to have the boredom threshold of a five-year-old," he said in a cold tone of voice.

"Yeah, I heard that. I also heard that the other Slayer doesn't like you too much. Can't help wondering why," Rack riposted, an interested gleam in his eye.

"What can I say? Humans don't like it when you shatter their illusions," Xander said, briefly looking troubled. It had been a hard lesson for him to learn, but also an invaluable one.

"Yeah, see, Buffy had this thing regarding her undead boyfriend, Angel, and Willow had the same notions about Xander. It's amazing how deluded some people can get," Amy said to Rack, who just raised an eyebrow.

"It's true enough. Seriously, you think that cloaking your lair and keeping it mobile like this will help you evade the Slayers in the long run? I don't need wizard powers to figure out the answer to that one," Xander told the proprietor of this establishment.

( _Wizard powers?_ ) Rack wondered idly, for he could sense no magical vibes coming off of this guy. ( _No, never mind that for now._ )

"So, Mayor Richard Wilkins," he repeated the name. "The man who runs Sunnydale, and has done for a hundred years according to my information. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Rack asked.

"Hardly," Xander said curtly, as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a sheaf of papers. He tossed them to Rack and said, "Can you understand this?"

Rack quickly scrolled through what Xander had given him, an expression of surprise appearing on his face. "This is an old spell, kid. Complicated, tricky."

"It also requires a lot of magical power for it to be cast, power that I don't have," Amy pointed out the obvious.

"You want me to cast it on Wilkins?" Rack appeared to be assessing various scenarios passing through his mind.

"You'll be well paid for it. And as a bonus, you get to keep your operation intact – for now," Xander applied the old carrot and stick routine.

Of course, there were appearances to consider, and Rack haggled mercilessly until he'd judged enough time had passed. The outcome of negotiations was never really in doubt, though; the spell was something of a challenge, unique enough to grab the wizard's interest and besides, Rack certainly didn't want Buffy and Faith poking their noses into his business.

Thus, the ensouling spell created by the late Jenny Calendar was carried out before the night was done. Xander had his reasons why he didn't want to ask Willow to do it, chief amongst them being the cost involved from invoking black magicks to cast such a curse.

Not far away in City Hall Richard Wilkins screamed in agony as his soul was restored to him, even though he'd put it up for sale a long time ago.

And the demons to whom he'd sold it started thinking Wilkins had called off their deal, now that the home stretch before the Mayor's ascension was finally here.

This did not put them in a happy mood, and so they found Wilkins and made their displeasure known in person...in a way that the Mayor could not survive intact.

***

**Sunnydale High School Gymnasium, Sunnydale, California**

**May 11****th****, 1999**

The high school Prom was in full swing, as Xander turned up with Faith of all people as his date. Ignoring the looks from some of his classmates, the young man escorted the brunette Slayer in the general direction of the drinks area.

"Don't know why you invited me to this thing instead of that Amy girl, Harris," Miss Lehane purred in that deliciously throaty Boston accent. "It's obvious that she's a lot more into you than I am. I'm more the 'get some and get gone' type, you know what I mean?"

"I honestly don't know why you keep putting yourself down like that, Faith. And as for Amy, I don't think it's a good idea to mix with business with pleasure, if you know what I mean," Xander sighed as they arrived at the refreshments table.

"Nope, 'fraid not," Faith grinned, after seeing the faces of some of the boys she'd shot down mercilessly this year. ( _Oh, man, the whole dress and makeup thing was SO worth it – just for this one particular moment!_ ) she thought to herself gleefully. "Care to enlighten me?"

"Amy and I are leaving town after graduation," Xander said, as he handed his date a drink. "There are some things we need to do-"

"What things?"

"That's just it, I'm not sure yet. All I know for sure is we need to be elsewhere for the next couple of years," Harris told her, looking troubled. "Ever since the papers reported that the bodies of Richard Wilkins and Allan Finch were found mutilated in their own homes, I've known that Sunnydale isn't where Amy and I need to be anymore. This isn't where YOU need to be, either."

"Huh?" Faith asked, as Xander led her away from the drinks table.

"How can I put this...Faith, I saw it when I was Melchior. All the different possibilities, the different ways different things can go down. The good, the bad and the ugly." He sighed, "I'm not making myself clear, I know; I'm sorry, but that's the best I can do. So, Faith, will you come or will you stay?"

( _Good question,_ ) the Chosen One asked, as she let her date guide her out onto the dance floor. ( _Damn good question. Hmmm, I kinda like the idea of doing my own thing for a while, and it's not like Wussley the Watcher would really miss me; not with the way he's been drooling all over that Cordelia chick lately, and all the hassles B and Fang have been giving him as well..._ )

***

**Elmhurst Cemetery, Sunnydale, California**

**October 1****st****, 2001**

It had been a long time ever since Xander, Amy and Faith had left town. They had accomplished much in Los Angeles and San Francisco and many other places, battling vampires and demons and even saving the world on occasion. The trio had tried to keep up with what had happened here in Sunnydale, calling Giles every so often. That was why they knew that a hellgod named Glory had come to town last year, even if Xander, Amy and Faith didn't know it was in search of the Key or what would happen if Glory got her hands on it.

Less than eight months later, though, Buffy had made the ultimate sacrifice for the cause, dying in order to save the world from destruction.

The only problem was that Willow had refused to accept that. For the last 247 days she had been searching for something to 'fix' what had happened to Miss Summers. And now, at last, it seemed that she was on the verge of success.

"Does everybody have their candles?" Willow asked her three helpers. Tara Maclay, Anya Jenkins and Jonathan Levinson.

"I have a problem with my lighter," the former vengeance demon said, wondering what on earth she was doing helping these people tonight instead staying at home and watching the Discovery Channel. "What time is it?"

"Uh, less than five minutes 'til midnight," Jonathan said nervously, checking his watch. Xander's replacement then said, "Willow, are you sure we shouldn't tell Mr. Giles what we're doing-?"

"It's too late for that now," Tara said loyally, even if she'd had exactly the same thoughts. "By the time he got here-"

"It would be all over, one way or another?"

The four Scooby Gang members turned to look at Xander, who along with Faith and Amy had somehow turned up here at the last moment. The trio was framed against the treeline, looking all dark and mysterious.

"Hello, all. Fancy meeting you guys here," Harris said with a tight smile.

"What do you want, Xander?" Willow scowled at him. Their friendship had collapsed a long time ago, at the end of high school in fact, after some VERY unpleasant fights concerning the nature of magic – and witchcraft and wizardry in general.

"Hey, Red. Long time no see," Faith drawled. "Ain't you gonna introduce us to your friends?"

"We're kinda busy right now. Maybe tomorrow," Willow darted a quick glance to Tara, who knew that time was running out. "So could you all leave now, please?"

"Let me guess. You're here to resurrect Buffy," Amy cut to the chase as she pointed at the Slayer's gravestone, having no patience for games any longer. "All of you came here to do some insane black magic ritual to bring her back to life, right? Willow, this is just...oh, what the HELL were you thinking?!"

Miss Rosenberg looked trapped for a moment, before she quickly got back into character. "Buffy died a mystical death, okay? She dove off a tower and got killed by all that wild supernatural energy she was engulfed in. We buried her body here, but her essence – her soul – it could be anywhere!! She could be trapped, in-in some sort of hell dimension like Angel was. Suffering eternal torment just because she saved us, and I'm not gonna let...I'm not gonna just leave her there!"

"So lemme get this straight, Willow. Buffy died, and you have no idea where her soul is right now. That's it – and yet somehow, you've convinced yourself that she's in Hell, and THIS is the solution?" Xander demanded, his brown eyes so dark in the moonlight they were almost black.

"So why didn't ya try to figure out where exactly her soul ended up, just to make sure?" Faith asked, looking around. She, Xander and Amy had learned everything by now, which was why the Chosen One added, "I mean, with that whole 'saving the world' deal B had going for her, isn't there a chance she ended up in Heaven afterwards, for a job well done?"

"Good point," Amy nodded, as Tara, Anya and Jonathan started looking at each other in alarm. "There's an artefact in LA called the Axis of Pythia, and it can be used to find anything anywhere; we used it ourselves once, to locate the soul of a friend named David Nabbitt. If Buffy's soul is in Heaven or Hell, we'd be able to confirm it soon enough."

"Uh, Willow?" Jonathan spoke up, looking at his watch. "There's less than a minute to go..."

"Everybody, hurry up and get into position!" Willow commanded her friends fiercely.

"But, but what if they're right, what if Buffy really IS in Heaven?" Tara asked, looking at her girlfriend. "Willow, I don't think we should do this-"

"No! We're doing this!! End of discussion!" Willow shouted angrily, her annoyance at having her will thwarted making her lose all sense of judgment.

"I don't think so," Faith said, as she grabbed the Urn of Osiris off Anya. "Least not without this, I'd say-"

Her eyes going black, Willow spoke a word and gestured as the Urn flew out of Faith's hands into her own. "All of you, get lost!" she shouted at the Slayer, the witch and the wizard who would have been considered the Zeppo in almost every other parallel universe.

"Oh, the hell with it – I'm going home!" Anya suddenly decided, as all eyes turned towards her. "This whole thing has just gotten way out of hand! Willow, they're right; Buffy's soul could be in any one of the countless heavenly dimensions in existence. And now that Faith is back, she can take over being the Slayer again like she did in high school-"

Suddenly they all heard a loud rumbling, and the group looked around in concern. "What is that noise?" Tara asked, wondering what was going on – as the deadline to resurrect Buffy passed, with no one even noticing.

"'Cycles," Faith said at once, knowing that sound well from her wilder youth on the East Coast. "Lots of 'em, too."

"I think we may have a problem," Amy said, looking around at Xander who just nodded.

"Guys, it's already after midnight," Jonathan reported, as he saw Willow's features slacken into disappointment and grief. "It's too late to do the ritual now. I'm sorry, Willow-"

Just then, the Buffybot ran up behind Tara. The look-alike machine had been used to convince the world that Buffy was still alive whilst Faith had been away, Sunnydale needed a Slayer after all. But the Buffybot had been damaged by a recent run-in with the Hellions, a group of demon road-pirates who had decided to raid Sunnydale upon learning that the real Buffy was dead.

The Buffybot's head sparking a little, the machine said, "Willow! I require service!"

Xander, Faith and Amy just stared at the machine, eyes wide with surprise at its existence; only to be distracted when a couple of motorcycles roared into the secluded woody section of the cemetery, intent on hunting the Buffybot down.

"Well, well, lookie what we found here!" a demon biker named Mag sneered.

"You mean apart from a pissed-off Slayer?" Faith sneered right back at him, launching into a flying reverse crescent kick that knocked the demon straight off his bike at the same time Amy hit the other biker with her magic powers, disintegrating both him and his motorcycle at the same time.

"Faith, wait! Don't kill him yet," the brains of the trio commanded, as Xander came up to Miss Lehane and her prisoner. "Start talking. Troop strength, overall plan, everything," he ordered the demon.

"You ain't getting nothing outta me!" Mag snarled. But two minutes later, after Faith broke both of his arms and started on his fingers as well, he started changing his tune.

"This is bad," Tara said fearfully, after hearing what the Hellions were planning to do tonight. "What are we gonna do?"

"Go tell your friends that there's a Slayer in this town, and any of you dirt bags that I find in Sunnydale tonight, I'm gonna kill 'em real painful-like," Faith kicked her former prisoner away, who began running off without his bike.

"Aims, X? You guys with me?" the Chosen One glanced around.

"All the way, Faith," Xander nodded. "We've got a lot of people that need saving, let's go!"

As everyone else – even the Buffybot – started heading back towards the cars, Willow glanced sorrowfully at Buffy's grave, swearing to herself that when the lunar conditions were right again she would bring her best friend back to life. She was crushed that her plans for tonight had gone down the gurgler, but Miss Rosenberg knew that her priorities had to be elsewhere now, given the Hellions' presence.

"I won't give up trying to save you, Buffy, I won't!" the redhead promised her dead friend, before leaving the grave like the rest of the group.

But once the Hellions were beaten off and everyone learned that Buffy's soul really was in Heaven, that was one vow Willow was very glad to break.

And somewhere in a dark, stinking hell dimension, the First Evil's plans were completely short-circuited before they were ever born.

***

Next: Story 18 - I Dream Of Genie


	18. I Dream Of Genie

**Date written**: Sun 18 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** I gotta say a big thank you to all my loyal readers for bearing with me during yesterday's temporary insanity. Now, this story was actually born out of a conversation between me and Nodakskip concerning who was the best genie on ever appear on TV and the movies – perhaps not surprisingly, we both had different ideas on the subject. That's why I promised him I'd include this little note to say that the genie fic he's currently working on is totally unrelated to this fanfic, and when it's published any similarities between the two stories will be entirely coincidental. But enough about all that – on with the fanfic!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 18: I Dream Of Genie

**No. 4 Parkview Crescent, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Xander asked himself, "How the heck did I ever end up here?"

His blonde female companion smiled viciously from behind him. "Because you're an idiot? A glutton for punishment? Best friends with a complete and utter nerd? Or maybe, all of the above?" Harmony Kendall asked, as she started adjusting her harem girl outfit.

( _Bitch,_ ) Xander thought sullenly, but he couldn't deny that Miss Kendall definitely had a point. The popular crowd had been picking on his best friend Willow Rosenberg mercilessly lately, and his other best friend Buffy Summers couldn't always be there to stop it. So he had gone to Harmony in order to make a deal with her: in exchange for everyone to lay off tormenting Willow for a week, he would be the blonde cheerleader's slave for an equivalent amount of time.

"Nothing to say, Xandy-Wandy?" Harmony came up to him and mockingly put her chin on her shoulder. "Well, when I'm right, I'm right. Aren't I?"

"I believe our little bargain – which finally ends on Monday, thank God – doesn't actually require me to answer that question," Xander replied, turning around and fighting to keep ahold of his temper. "The deal was that I would carry your bags, open doors for you and keep a lookout while you were smoking in the girls' bathroom, not engage in the whole conversation-slash-insult contest thing."

Harmony glared at him, but at that moment Cordelia Chase came into her bedroom. This was her house, and both Xander and Harmony were here only on her say-so; Harmony, because she was Cordy's best friend, and Xander, because Queen C respected the lengths he was willing to go to in order to help a friend – even if she would never publicly admit that.

Xander's eyes went wide at the leopard-like cat costume Cordelia was wearing, because even if she was just as much a social enemy as Harmony – to his eyes, the brunette girl looked pretty darn hot in that outfit, what with the way it emphasised her cleavage. The blonde couldn't hold a candle to her, and as he glanced at Harmony, Harris couldn't help noticing the tell-tale look of jealousy momentarily appear on Miss Kendall's face.

( _Oh yeah, there's a reason why that girl's number two on the social pecking order around here..._ ) he reflected to himself.

"Get out of my way, you loser! God," Cordelia huffed before pushing past him, wanting to check herself out in the mirror. "I probably never should have invited you over here in the first place-"

"Yeah, but if you'd done that, all you'd have heard from Harmony is that you look great. Instead of me telling you that your tail looks somewhat crooked," Xander pointed out.

Cordy yelped as she looked in the mirror, whirling around and trying to see if Xander was pulling her leg or not. "Is he telling the truth?" the cheerleader demanded of her second-in-command.

"Uh, I'm not sure," Harmony temporised. "Turn around again..."

"All you gotta do is straighten it a little," Xander said to Miss Chase, coming a bit closer. "You know, just put your hands on your hips and wiggle your ass a bit..."

Cordelia immediately looked at him furiously. "You're so very funny, I was just about to laugh, dweeb! If you think I'm gonna give you a free peep show like that, Harris, you're out of your teeny-weeny little mind!"

"Well, that's already obvious to everyone," Harmony piped up, ignoring Xander's look of surprise. "I mean, look at that costume! I told you to get something that would match with my harem girl outfit, but only YOU would think to dress up as the Genie from that movie 'Aladdin'!"

"Hey, the Genie was a totally happenin' dude!" Xander defended his choice of costume, which included some blue body paint and a fake beard from Ethan's Costume Shop. "He had like phenomenal cosmic powers, even if he was forced to live inside that little itty-bitty lamp!"

"Oh! That reminds me, Harmony, I got you this," Cordelia went over to bureau drawer and got out an oil lamp, which she tossed to her chief lieutenant. "If Xander doesn't behave, threaten to put him back in his lamp; or better yet hit him over the head with it – that'd be a lot more effective in my opinion."

Harmony laughed right on cue, even if Xander's only reply was a dirty look.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**Approximately two hours later**

The chaos spell was cast, and a pulse of magic rocketed outward in all directions from Ethan Rayne's store. All across the Hellmouth, the power of Janus intruded into anyone wearing anything bought from Ethan's Costume Shop, turning those people into their costumes. In the case of Xander Harris an extra burst of magical power was needed, which nearly drained Ethan's life force; since it took a LOT out of anyone, even a mage of his strength, to create a real-life Aladdin's Genie.

Genie was confused as he glanced around, the moment after Xander's body exploded into blue smoke before reforming into its more mystical aspect. "Okay, where am I? Looks like I'm gonna need a hand here..."

And just like that, four extra arms spouted out of his body as the genie twisted around. "Yo, Al? Jasmine? Abu? Carpet? C'mon people! I'm even willing to settle for Iago here..."

"Xander?" Genie turned around to see a young blonde carrying his lamp on her hip, staring at him with her eyes practically bugging out of her head. "Is, is that you?"

Genie morphed into a parody of Sherlock Holmes, wearing a deerstalker hat and puffing on a pipe. "Xander, eh? Never heard of the chap. I suspect the game is afoot, Watson! Tell me more, hmm?"

"This is not happening. This is NOT happening!!" Harmony muttered to herself, averting her eyes and burying herself in Sunnydale denial syndrome. It was either that or go completely crazy from having all her illusions shattered, after all.

Genie then turned himself into a Roman philosopher wearing a toga. "An interesting viewpoint, my dear. But let me ask you this: if a tree were to fall in the forest and no one was there to witness it, did the tree actually fall?"

"BE QUIET!!" Harmony screamed, grabbing at her lamp and appearing ready to strike Genie over the head with it.

"Is that your first wish?" Genie suddenly quit the comedy routine and resumed his Arabian Knights outfit, which Xander had been wearing earlier on. He didn't know how this person had gotten the lamp from Aladdin, but rules were rules and he had to follow them.

"Huh?" Harmony demanded.

Genie looked around, but there was no supernatural activity around here – unlike just about everywhere else in Sunnydale at the moment – so he got down to the nitty-gritty. He took a minute to explain to the blonde bimbo that she now had three wishes he would grant, insofar as he was bound by three cosmic laws he couldn't break: one, he couldn't kill anybody; two, he couldn't make people fall in love; and three, he couldn't revive the dead. Anything else was fair game, apart from being able to wish for more wishes.

"Are you serious?" Harmony demanded, just when a horde of mini-demons came around the corner and headed straight for the ditzy blonde. She screamed when she saw them, and immediately commanded, "Okay, okay! Take me home! Make everything go back to normal! And, and make me the most popular girl instead of Cordelia!!"

Genie snapped his fingers, glad to be free of his servitude to Harmony so quickly. But something he wasn't expecting happened after granting the three wishes. Something very unexpected indeed.

The blonde girl showing up safe and sound within her home barely required any effort at all on Genie's part, and altering human perception to make Harmony the queen bee of Sunnydale High wasn't too hard either. But trying to counter the chaos magic which was the core of his existence was like plunging a knife into his own heart.

Genie screamed in pain as he granted the third wish – before retreating deep within his lamp to sleep and recover from his ordeal. ( _Oh man, that HURT!_ )

This in turn meant that Xander Harris was now trapped in the immortal form of a genie...

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 3****rd****, 1997**

"Where the heck is Xander?" Willow asked, looking very worried. She was present in the library along with Buffy and her Watcher Rupert Giles, and the absent member of the core four was the topic of discussion. "His parents said they haven't seen him ever since he left to go out trick-or-treating; Buffy, I'm really starting to get worried!"

"So am I," Miss Summers nodded her head. "I'm also kinda worried about what happened on Friday night. Giles, what do we know there?"

"You mean that, that business with people turning into their Halloween costumes for a few moments, including yourself and Willow?" Giles asked with a helpless look on his face. "As I told you before, Buffy, I-I-I have no idea what happened. Most likely, it was some sort of spell by a neophyte practitioner which accidentally went wrong, a-and whoever was responsible undid it as soon as they realized what had happened. So our, our focus should be more on locating Xander, don't you think?"

With a shrug, Miss Summers conceded the point. But at that moment, Cordelia came storming into the library with the force of a hurricane. She looked very unhappy, and that was putting it mildly.

"All right, what kind of magical mystical screw-up has happened around here this time?!" she demanded in no uncertain terms.

"We don't know, Cordy. That thing on Friday night-" Willow started to say.

"Who cares what happened on Friday night? I'm talking about right now, TODAY!" Cordy screeched. "What's the matter with you people? Haven't you noticed anything weird on campus since this morning? Suddenly, I'm being treated like last month's news, and everyone's treating Harmony like she's the Second Coming or whatever!"

"I, I beg your pardon?" Giles asked, once again teetering on the precipice of the generation gap.

"Look, Cordelia, popularity contests aren't exactly high on my list of things to investigate right now. Xander's missing, and that's gotta be my priority," Buffy said firmly. "So if there's nothing else-"

"Xander's disappeared?" Cordelia asked, and Willow was astounded to see a smidgen of concern on her face. "This is Sunnydale. You think he got killed by a vampire or something?"

"Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said," Giles interjected with a sigh, after seeing Willow and Buffy's upset faces. "Have you, um, ever even heard of the word 'tact'?"

"Tact is just people saying stuff that isn't true. I'll pass," Cordy said forcefully. "So when's the last time anyone saw him? Myself, it was on Friday night before he left my house with Harmony."

"Why was Xander at your house with Harmony?" Buffy looked like she didn't get it.

"You mean, that he didn't tell you what he decided to do for a week? Huh," Cordelia said contemplatively, suddenly figuring that these people didn't actually know Harris as well as they thought they did. "Well, whaddya know..."

"What are you talking about?" Willow demanded, getting a funny feeling about the topic of conversation.

"If Xander hasn't told you, then that's his business," Cordelia said abruptly. "But he and Harmony were hanging out together for a week, suddenly he disappears and Harmony's the most popular girl in school? Something's definitely wrong here..."

The Watcher got it at the same time the Slayer and the computer hacker did. Giles said slowly, "I, I think I see where you're going with this...you're thinking that the two events might be connected somehow? Yes, I think we need to have a talk with Miss Kendall at once. Buffy-?"

"On it!" Miss Summers was already up and heading for the door. A short while later, she hauled a reluctant and protesting Queen H through the doors. "Hey, get your freakishly strong hands off of me!" Harmony ordered the vampire Slayer, but to no avail.

Willow looked around to make sure Giles had hidden himself in his private office, as a member of the teaching faculty he couldn't be present for the upcoming interrogation. The librarian would be running too great a risk of losing his job if Harmony blabbed to Principal Snyder afterwards.

Seeing he was safely out of sight, the redhead then said, "Where's Xander, Harmony?"

Harmony stopped struggling as she faced Buffy, Willow and Cordelia. The question was something she definitely preferred not to think about. "No idea. Now I'm leaving-" she began.

"You aren't going anywhere," Cordelia said with a vicious glare, one that automatically made Harmony cringe despite her new social status around here. "Start talking, Harm. What the hell have you done lately? And if you try to give me the run-around, I'm sure Buffy here knows lots of unpleasant ways to make you cough up with the truth – you've seen for yourself just how much upper-body strength she has. NOW SPILL!!"

The strength of that command was too much for the beta female to resist. "You're never gonna believe it, I sure as hell don't-"

"You'd be surprised just what I'd believe these days," Buffy interrupted. "Is it something to do with what happened on Halloween?'

"I...nothing happened on Halloween," Harmony said far too quickly. "I didn't see anything!" She quickly dug into her school bag, and dumped the oil lamp Cordelia had given her into Miss Chase's hands.

"I think this is yours, Cordelia. And if it still has any connection to that dork, Harris, I don't want to know about it!" So saying, Harmony turned tail and ran.

"What is that?" Buffy said, as she took it from Cordelia and examined it.

"A gag Halloween gift, y'know, because Xander dressed up as the genie from Aladdin for Halloween..." Cordelia said, before she noticed Buffy and Willow's eyes go wide. "What?"

"You don't think...?" Buffy breathed in disbelief, staring at her best friend.

"No. It couldn't be! But...what if it's true?" Willow asked timidly, her eyes wide at the implications.

"What if what's true?" Miss Chase demanded; she hated it whenever she was excluded from the gist of the conversation.

Buffy didn't answer. Instead she just rubbed the lamp – and then, not wholly to her surprise, blue smoke came out of the lamp and formed itself into Xander's normal, handsome features.

He rubbed his eyes and said, "Man, that was some dream! It feels like I slept for a week. Hey..." he looked around. "What am I doing in the library?"

"Oh boy..." the female trio looked at each other, wondering if they were the ones dreaming or not.

***

**The Sunset Club, Sunnydale, California**

**November 5****th****, 1997**

Buffy was trying to reason with her former friend Billy 'Ford' Fordham, even though she knew that she was most likely just wasting her breath.

It had been a wild couple of days. Not long after that conversation in the library, Giles had tried to come up with some way to turn Harris back to normal. But despite the Scooby Gang's intensive search through his collection of arcane volumes, there was nothing he could do; there was no spell or ritual available to undo the results of Ethan's chaos magic, and Xander couldn't turn himself back into the human he'd once been either.

Apparently, Alexander Lavelle Harris was stuck as a 17-year-old genie until the day he died...which would only happen if his lamp was ever destroyed. The self-pity party had lasted for a while, until the male teen realized that things could have been worse; for example, he could have been stuck forever inside the lamp, and go completely insane from the solitude factor.

Buffy had felt horrible about all that, granted. But she had also been stunned to know that she now had three wishes. As has been said, that was one of the rules the genie had to live by; whoever rubbed the lamp and summoned him forth, he was duty-bound to grant said wishes.

Disappointed to find out how Xander couldn't turn her undead boyfriend Angel human, Buffy had subsequently decided that her first wish was for her not to be the Slayer anymore. Which had sounded fine in theory, until her first fight with a female vampire had convinced Miss Summers to demand her powers back, a wish which Harris had readily granted.

"Ford, I am THIS close to completely snapping right now," Buffy finally snarled, since she was currently locked up in a former bomb shelter with her fifth grade crush and a bunch of fools who thought that vampires were 'exalted' creatures who were going to 'bless' them. The Slayer stared downstairs at the crowd for a moment and then added, "These people aren't gonna get turned, are they? They're just a free meal for Spike and his minions."

"Technically, yes," Ford nodded. "But I'm in. I'll become immortal."

"Yeah? I've got a big newsflash for you, brains trust: that's not how it works. You die, and a demon sets up shop where you used to live. And it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you!" Buffy raged helplessly.

"It's better than nothing," Ford shrugged, not appearing to care about that.

"And your life is nothing?" Ford just snickered at her question, which automatically raised Buffy's blood pressure. "Ford, these people don't deserve to die!"

"Well, neither do I! But apparently no one took that into consideration, 'cause I'm still dying!" Ford suddenly shouted back at her.

Buffy began to realize what the situation was now. ( _So, that's why he's doing this!_ )

"I still look good, don't I? Well, let me tell you something: I've got maybe six months left, and by then what they bury won't even LOOK like me. It'll be bald and shrivelled and it'll smell bad." For less than a moment, Billy Fordham looked furious at his lot in life, at the sheer injustice of it all, before he calmed down and looked Buffy right in the eye.

"No thanks, I'm not going out that way," Ford declared firmly in no uncertain terms.

Buffy turned away, but Ford just kept on going with the verbal attack, "Oh, I'm sorry, Summers. Did I screw up your righteous anger riff? Does the nest of tumours liquefying my brain kinda spoil the fun?"

Buffy just shook her head. "You'll never know just how sorry I am, Ford."

"I don't want your pity. These people?" He pointed downstairs to where his deluded followers were waiting for the so-called 'Exalted Ones'. "They're sheep. They wanna be vampires 'cause they're lonely, miserable or bored. Me, I don't have a choice."

The Slayer turned to face him again. "Were you always this stupid? See, I wasn't pitying you when I said I was sorry. Because you had a choice, Ford. You could have come clean with me right from the start and I could have fixed your brain cancer problem, just like that. But instead, you opted to go for mass murder." She shook her head in sadness and pain.

"XANDER!!" Buffy roared, summoning her genie for her last wish.

A cloud of blue smoke erupted out of thin air, reforming into Xander Harris. "You called?"

"What the-?" Ford gaped at the new arrival, this wasn't part of his plan at all.

"Lemme introduce you to a friend of mine, his name's Xander – he's a genie. As in Aladdin, the flying carpet and everything else," Buffy told the dying youth bluntly. "Like I said – I could have wished to give you your life back, Ford. The rules say he owes me three wishes, and I've already used two of them. I could have wished to save you – but instead, I'm going to have to save these morons from their own idiocy."

She turned to Xander, ignoring the priceless look on Ford's face. Buffy ordered the genie, "As soon as the vamp posse comes in here, wait long enough for the dumbasses to realize that they're all going to die before teleporting everyone to safety. Even him," Miss Summers noted as she indicated Ford with a nod of her head. "Because when everybody disappears I doubt Spike's gonna turn Ford into a vampire for services rendered, like he was planning on happening."

"As you wish." Xander glared harshly at Fordham, who he now considered a Vidkun Quisling or Benedict Arnold. Not for the first time, the genie lamented the fact that that no-killing-anyone rule from the movie applied to him, but there was nothing he or anyone else could do to change that.

***

**Apartment B, 523 Oak Park Street, Sunnydale**

**March 1****st****, 1998**

It had been many months since Billy Fordham had run away from Sunnydale with his tail between his legs, and just as a side note, he was now suffering the horrible terminal stages of his disease far away from the Hellmouth. But no one in the Scooby Gang cared about that, least of all Rupert Giles.

Ever since the nightmare of the sleepwalker demon named Eyghon, it had been just one thing after another where his Slayer was concerned: the Order of Taraka; the homicidal robot Ted Buchanan; the Bezoar demons; the Judge's arm; the werewolf named Oz; and last but not least – Angel becoming perfectly happy, and losing his soul.

Giles rubbed the oil lamp, which he had acquired from Buffy after she had used up her last wish. "Xander? We need to talk."

After the customary blue smoke vanished, Harris appeared before the Englishman. The genie glanced around at the apartment, which looked like a crime scene. "Giles? What the heck happened here?"

"Angel – or rather, Angelus, I should say," Giles looked and sounded like a hollow, broken man. "Jenny's dead."

"WHAT?"

Giles quickly explained how and why that soulless monster had killed the undercover gypsy woman, and Xander could easily fill in the rest for himself. The Englishman had used his services twice before; to banish Eyghon from Jenny Calendar's body, and to drop the Judge's arm into the mouth of an active volcano in South America.

Now, obviously, it was time for his last wish – revenge on Angelus.

"You know that you can't just wish for Dead Boy to become dust, my powers don't work that way," Xander reminded him.

"I haven't forgotten. No, all I want from you is the power to kill him myself. I don't care how you do it, just as long as I burn that bloody warehouse of his down to the ground – with him in it," Giles said, the anger starting to swallow him whole.

"Buffy can't do it, can she?" Xander asked slowly. "She still sees her boyfriend whenever she looks at that vampire. Am I wrong about that or what?"

"That's neither here nor there-"

"Oh, I beg to differ, G-man," Xander interrupted. He had acquired a lot from Genie's memories, including a greater understanding of human beings – the wishes were always either selfish or selfless in nature, after all. "Think about it: Buffy's gonna be mucho upset once she finds out what you've done.

"What WE'VE done, I should say," Xander amended himself slightly. "You're ready to deal with the consequences regarding that part of it, right?"

"You know what I want. Just give it to me. That's my third wish," Giles said through clenched teeth.

"Done," Xander said simply, as he snapped his fingers and Giles suddenly felt like he was being roasted alive.

He screamed loudly, but the pain quickly faded down to tolerable levels. "What have you...done to me?" the British man asked in a strangled voice, still feeling like he was in a sauna.

"You wanted to burn that place down? No problem. You're now a pyrokinetic, Giles," Xander shrugged. "A fire-starter. Snap your fingers."

The Watcher did so, and was rather startled to see a ball of flame burst into existence in his palm. "Bloody hell!"

"You should practice a bit with your new ability before you go after Angelus and his friends," Xander offered Giles some wise advice. "Learn how to aim and shoot properly, I mean. And just so you know, the power will be gone once your last wish is fulfilled."

"Right. Thank you," Rupert grunted, trying to decide where to go for some target practice and gathering up some weapons.

( _No, Giles, don't thank me,_ ) Xander thought to himself as the Englishman left the apartment and he disappeared back inside his lamp. ( _Because I'm pretty damn sure Willow and Buffy aren't gonna do that. In fact, I'm thinking they're going to be pissed at me for a VERY long time... _)

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**September 28****th****, 1998**

Xander wasn't wrong; it had been over six months, and still both the Slayer and the apprentice witch weren't talking to him except when they had to.

Angelus, Spike, Dru and their minions hadn't stood a chance against the empowered Watcher that night. Once William the Bloody and the rest of the cannon fodder had been taken care of, a screaming Drusilla had been incinerated as she tried to run away. But Giles hadn't made it that quick for Angelus, oh no – he wanted the Irish-born vampire to suffer before he ended up ashes.

Just this once, the Scourge of Europe had been the prey and not the predator as he had run around the burning warehouse, desperately looking for a way out but not finding one before 'Ripper' had hunted him down and torched him.

Unable to take out her feelings on her Watcher – someone who Buffy had felt couldn't really be blamed for what he'd done – the Slayer had chosen Xander to bear the brunt of her anger instead. The screams and diatribes had lasted quite a long time, too, far longer than one might have reasonably expected.

Harris hadn't taken offence by it; he'd known that Miss Summers had to vent to someone, or otherwise go completely insane. He'd also known that she couldn't physically hurt him, genies simply weren't part of the Slayer job description. What HAD hurt were the accusations of jealousy, that he had led Giles down the garden path of revenge for his own petty desires.

Willow's accusations were even worse – that Xander had orchestrated the whole thing, that Giles had never asked for his fire-starter ability and had been forced to kill all the vampires in the warehouse. It simply couldn't sink into her brain that the genie was a slave, in every sense of the word; even after Giles had asserted that he had done everything out of his own free will, Willow still refused to believe that Xander hadn't been responsible somehow.

That was because the genie had some freedom of action, and was able to perform some acts without a wish. But Willow still couldn't believe that Xander was unable to affect anything concerning life and death, and the young woman had developed serious trust issues ever since the whole genie upgrade; she simply wasn't happy with the fact that the boy she'd been crushing on ever since kindergarten now had so much god-like power at his disposal – and that she didn't.

So apart from making her own wishes regarding der Kindestod, the Sunnydale High poltergeist and the swim team fish monsters, Miss Rosenberg had cut Xander out of her life completely after moving on to her boyfriend named Oz.

Just then, the genie's supernatural senses tingled, and Xander turned to the front of the nightclub. A brunette girl roughly his own age had entered the establishment, and to his eyes, she was an absolute knockout. Long, smooth legs, luscious curves in all the right places, and that face – perfect mix of angel and devil, plus full red lips that seemed to just reel him in...

( _Whoa! Down, boy,_ ) Xander thought to himself, shaking himself free of his inappropriate lusty thoughts – he may have been a genie, but he was also still himself. ( _Now this is why God created woman, and made her into a Slayer! If only I was still human..._ )

Xander didn't wonder why this girl was one of the Chosen crowd, and neither did he suspect that elsewhere the girl named Kendra had failed her Cruciamentum test recently; he only knew that an incredibly hot babe had just come into his life. And if he'd still been human, he might have gotten worried – because just when you feel that something's finally going right in your life, that's the time when something is about to go wrong instead.

***

**The warehouse district, Sunnydale, California**

**February 10****th****, 1999**

Faith Lehane was in full fight-or-flight mode, and as the vampires came at her, she threw herself into battle without even thinking about it.

Her life had gotten a whole lot better ever since coming to Sunnydale, there was no doubt about that. In Faith's book, meeting Xander Harris was also the best thing that had happened to her ever since her Watcher had been killed. The guy was a frickin' real-life genie, for crying out loud, and not too bad to look at either as far as the male gender went.

To fully initiate her into the Scooby Gang, Faith had been allowed to rub the magic lamp and obtain three wishes from Xander. It had been something of a shock to realize her sister Slayer and her friends really hadn't been kidding her about all that, but Miss Lehane had quickly gotten over it. It had been an old childhood dream to have a genie grant her three wishes, after all.

All things considered, the girl had used them wisely so far; the first had been to have enough power to kill Kakistos, the almost-invincible vampire out gunning for her. The second had been for Harris to banish Gwendolyn Post, the fake evil Watcher, into a hell dimension to stop her from killing everybody after she'd obtained the Glove of Myhneghon.

The Chosen One still had one more wish up her sleeve...

...and tonight was the night she was going to have to use it.

"FAITH, NO!" Buffy screamed, as Faith jumped in to stake the Deputy Mayor named Allan Finch, thinking that he was a vampire. But it was too late; the deed was done, and the human started to collapse to the ground, blood pouring out of his punctured, still-beating heart.

"XANDER! SAVE HIM!!" Faith screamed on instinct, as the genie showed up and granted her third wish – just in the nick of time.

And thus, Miss Lehane never spiralled down into a path of darkness, betrayal and hatred...

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**April 26****th****, 1999**

Cordelia Chase knew that she was taking a risk in doing this, but she had no other choice. The 18-year-old girl was desperate, and desperate times called for desperate measures. So she rubbed Xander's lamp, and waited for the genie to appear.

After the customary blue smoke, Xander appeared before her. Instantly, a dark look appeared on his face as he saw who was present. The genie said to her, "Cordelia. Well, this is a surprise...okay, not really. I was actually expecting it a long time ago."

"Before you get all judgmental, just hear me out, you idiot!" Cordelia flung out the insult without even thinking about it, and then she did something that almost made Xander's jaw drop to the floor. "I'm...I'm sorry I called you that, I hope you'll forgive me?"

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Cordelia? OW!" Harris then yelped, as the girl slapped him. "Okay, obviously this is the real you, and my world is no longer entirely out of kilter. Fine. Now, you said something about hearing you out before getting judgmental?"

Cordelia nodded, as she began to fight off tears. "I-I-I'm broke, Xander. As in no more money. At all! Anywhere! Everything's been taken away – even my horse Keanu. My clothes, my cell phone, my car, all of it – because Daddy's been cheating on his taxes. For the last twelve years, apparently. Now he's gonna go to jail, and my mom's practically in a coma. I, I can't stay at home anymore, 'cause we, we, we no longer have one. That's why I...I did this. I just – I didn't know what else to do!"

( _Oh my God, I think she's serious!_ ) the genie thought to himself. "So. Wish number one is to get all your money back somehow, right?" Xander asked with a lot less antagonism than before.

"Your bet your genie ass it is!" Cordelia nodded furiously.

"Done," Xander told her after snapping his fingers. "Look in your right pants pocket. You'll find a winning lottery ticket, one that'll be worth roughly three hundred million dollars in about a week's time-"

"I don't think so."

Both mortal and genie turned around to see a tall, silver demon with spikes all over his body, who then grabbed Xander by the neck. "Hi there. Name's Skip," the demon mercenary said before he abruptly found himself holding nothing but smoke.

Xander re-materialized in front of Cordelia; the genie had instinctively acted to protect her against this intruder. "Hello yourself, you demon asshole. My name's Xander. Now beat it before we throw down, and your ass gets kicked into a brand-new shape – this is your first, last and only warning."

"No can do, boy. See, I know you can't kill me. Not to mention the Powers finally got off their asses and sent me here to kill you, which will undo all your wishes. And before you ask why? You've done too much damage to the destinies of too many people around here," Skip smirked, thinking that it was very ironic how he was being paid a freaking fortune to do this by his secret employer called 'Jasmine'.

"What are you talking about?" Cordelia demanded. ( _Oh, right, the lamp! He wants to destroy it – hey wait a minute, this guy wants me to be POOR!? That's it, I oughta wish for Slayer powers to personally do a bit of demon-slaying on his ass!_ )

"Funny thing, doll face – but you've got one heck of a destiny in store for you, and if you don't go to LA like you're supposed to...well, it'll be bad. Trust me on that," Skip said in her general direction.

"Really?" Xander riposted. "Now, why should she do that? You think I didn't know about the Powers That Be, and their messenger boy Whistler? He tried to recruit me, kinda like he did Angel back in the day. That idiot balance demon mentioned how Los Angeles is gonna need a Champion, since Dead Boy's not around anymore – but in my opinion, a liar like you obviously isn't what he had in mind..."

Skip roared and reached forward for the lamp, intending to demolish it. But Xander teleported Cordelia away, leaving Skip grasping thin air. The demon briefly looked ridiculous before he straightened up.

"Where is she?" the mercenary demon demanded, as he stared around in disbelief.

"Would you believe, right behind you?"

Skip whirled around, only to see a Slayer-shaped fist heading for right between his eyes. Reeling back, he bumped into Xander who took the opportunity to rip off one of Skip's spikes and toss it to Faith, before he shoved the howling silver demon forward.

The spike crashed right through Skip's left eye, piercing his brain and killing him instantly.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**May 21****st****, 1999**

"Okay, I wasn't expecting this..." Xander muttered to himself, as he saw the keynote speaker for the graduation ceremony – Mayor Richard Wilkins the Third – become a huge, sixty-foot-long demon snake.

"DO something, Xander! Stop him before he kills anybody!" Cordelia utilised her second wish, as she very correctly suspected that this was right time to use it.

Xander looked around, and saw that there were vampires coming out now that the scheduled solar eclipse had begun. Obviously, the Scooby Gang had been caught flat-footed about this year's annual apocalypse; unfortunately, the Deputy Mayor Allan Finch hadn't been able to tell them much before he'd hightailed it out of town that night.

"Go tell Buffy and Faith to handle the vamp situation!" Xander ordered the female teen.

Miss Chase ran off amidst the screaming students. As Xander studied the problem, he knew the first step had to be fight fire with fire; so, he too assumed the form of the pure demon known as Olvikan, and engaged the transformed Mayor of Sunnydale.

Hamstrung by his inability to kill, Xander could only wind his demon body around the Mayor's as the evil creature went on the attack. The two whale-sized demons quickly started rolling around on the ground, and there was a great deal of destruction to the school property as Wilkins and his assailant rose up and crashed down, again and again and again.

Crunch! There went the north wing. Smash! There went the south wing. The science labs, the gym, the swimming pool – all gone with a thunderous roar. The two demon bodies then heaved up, before coming down one last time – and the Mayor, terribly weakened by his injuries and his failure to feed on his human smorgasbord in time, screamed incoherently, twitched once and then lay still.

The second pure demon body dissolved into blue smoke, before Xander Harris reformed his human self amongst the Scooby Gang. He moaned, "Oh man, that really hurt..."

That was all he had time to say before Cordelia, Faith and even Buffy and Willow threw themselves at him and they all engaged in a gigantic group hug.

***

**Outside No. 4 Parkview Crescent, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

"So, Cordelia. You've still got one wish left. What'll it be?" Xander asked, as he, Faith and the Chase girl stood outside the manor.

"This is where it all began, Faith," Miss Chase said to the Slayer, apparently ignoring Harris completely. "This is where Xander, Harmony and I dressed up for Halloween about eighteen months ago, the night he got turned into a genie."

"I'd say cool, but that'd be a lie," Miss Lehane nodded her head.

"I think back, y'know, and I can't help wondering how everything might have turned out if Harmony hadn't been such a complete bitch to Willow the previous week," Cordelia mused.

"Well, my opinion, we'd all be dead right now; gobbled up by a huge-ass snake demon," Faith commented sarcastically. "That thing was pure evil, even just looking at it."

"Hey!" Xander commented at once, taking that as a slur against himself. "I'm standing right here!"

"Yeah, so you are. What do you think we should do with him?" Cordelia asked her new friend.

"Well, from what I hear New York City has a big demon and vamp population that needs to be taken care of, and I'm sure Wesley the wimp is gonna follow me there," Faith grimaced at the thought of her nominal Watcher. "That means I could do with having the Xan-genie around to keep him in line..."

"What?" Xander looked clueless about where this conversation was going.

"You want for us to be roomies for awhile? I was planning on moving into a place in Long Island," the rich girl informed the Chosen One.

"Now that sounds cool," Faith nodded. "Alright, deal."

"What are you guys talking about?" Harris demanded, looking from one female to the other.

"Okay, for the hopelessly dumb one around here? I'm not gonna use my last wish, Xander – ever," Cordelia informed him.

"But, but if you don't, that means..." Harris looked flabbergasted.

"You get to experience a lifetime alongside me and Faith before having to deal with the whole genie thing again. And just so you know? I don't care if Giles was never able to discover anything to help you become human again; he's not the all-knowing big guru guy. If there's any way to get you your life back, we'll find it in the big city," Miss Chase said simply.

"Oh! Thanks...but, but – what about Buffy and Willow? You want me to leave them, just when things are finally getting good between us again?" Xander demanded.

Faith rolled her eyes and rapped her knuckles on his head. "Genie, remember? You can instantly pop in to visit them any time you like!"

"Well, yeah, there is that..." Xander had to admit sheepishly.

Thus, the plan was soon settled. The arrangements were made, the farewell party took place, and when it was time to depart the Hellmouth?

The Genie Express, namely a real-life flying carpet containing two girls and a guy, was certainly a sight for the Scooby Gang to see.

***

Next: Story 19 - The Last Action Xander


	19. The Last Action Xander

**Date written**: Mon 19 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Hello everyone, welcome to the latest story. Now before we go any further, I want to apologize for something associated with the previous fanfic – my bad, my fault, I freely admit it – and that was not making it clear enough how unlike in the movie, the Xander genie couldn't be freed from his servitude with a wish, thanks to the chaos magic throwing a spanner in the works. As a lot of people have said, it's something that would have happened straightaway, so just imagine that that was Buffy's first wish before she wished for Angel to be human, but it simply couldn't be done. And Jason, you raise some very good points with Jenny Calendar; but since the timeline of events in this AU was so different – Angel lost his soul long after Buffy's birthday, say during Valentine's Day or whatever, and Janna was still being shunned as a spy and a betrayer (something I never liked on the show, but that's another set of issues), and Xander was still in servitude to Giles and stuck in the lamp 90% of the time – well, she simply never had the opportunity to obtain his help with the soul curse. And as for Willow, I'd say the odds are she would have gotten into magic eventually, especially when it was time for college and she could experiment a little - with the horrors of high school finally over and done with.

Okay, now, moving on – originally, this was going to be a harem fanfic, believe it or not. Matt and I discussed the various ways Xander could and would score with all his girls, but in the end, I just couldn't come up with a feasible way for it to happen. So basically, I junked the concept and came up with this instead!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 19: The Last Action Xander

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Xander Harris let out a mental curse of disappointment, as a grade school kid grabbed the last toy assault rifle from the discount bin before he had a chance to grab it himself.

( _Of all the lousy luck! Damn it, that'll teach me not to stare at a girl's ass for so long...ah, who am I kidding? These days I'm getting so desperate for some touch, even the female vamps are starting to look good to me!_ ) he grumbled to himself.

Xander shook his head in self-disgust, and started to rummage through the bin to see what else he could find. He found a toy pistol and a fake policeman's badge, but nothing else that appeared useful. The young man thought about it, and suddenly he came up with an idea for who to dress up as tomorrow night for the escort duty thing.

With that, Xander decided to join Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers, his two bestest friends in the whole world. "Hey, guys. Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, trying to decide what sort of costume to get for Buffy. What did you get, Xander?" the redhead asked at once.

"Well, that's gonna be a surprise for tomorrow night," Xander smiled, enjoying the annoyed look on Willow's features. "You decided on anything, Will? And please, don't tell me you're doing the ghost costume again. That's what you've been wearing for the last six years!"

"Uh, no, I've decided to break with tradition this year and be something else," Willow said quickly, and the redhead tried not to look annoyed again after she saw Buffy's smirk.

"Yeah? What, exactly?" Harris asked simply.

"It's gonna be a surprise, just like with you," Willow shot back, putting the ghost costume behind her back so that Xander wouldn't see it. "You help Buffy decide on something while I look around for a bit, okay?"

"Okey-dokey," Xander nodded and smiled as the cute young woman walked off. "Right, Buff – what kind of outfit are we looking at? Naughty nurse, stripper cop, hot teacher..."

"Xander!" Buffy gave him a light smack for being such a guy. "Be serious! I want something that Angel's going to like, not what an immature guy like you is gonna like!"

Although he managed not to show it, the Slayer's words annoyed Xander a lot. He simply couldn't understand how it was that he was the only one who saw a vampire, a demon, whenever Captain Hairgel walked into the room. ( _Never mind. If Buffy thinks I'm immature, then I'm just gonna have to prove her wrong!_ )

Xander nodded to himself and then said, "Okay, Buffy, hit me. What do you think Angel likes in a woman?"

Miss Summers hesitated for a moment. "Uh, I'm not sure. You know, he's not exactly someone who likes to share a lot..."

"Yeah, but we do have some givens to start with," Xander said contemplatively. "One, he likes 'em blonde – I mean there's you, and we certainly can't forget that Darla person from last year. Two, he likes 'em young – hey, no offence, but there's no point denying that you're underage! Three...well, he probably likes women who can kick ass, since you're the Slayer and all." He frowned, "Have I missed anything?"

Unable to help herself, Buffy glanced at the 18th century noblewoman costume not far away before dismissing it with a sigh. ( _Well, never mind, I probably couldn't afford something like that anyway._ )

"No, I don't think so," the Chosen One turned back to Xander and reluctantly nodded her agreement to his analysis of the situation. "And you came up with some valid points there – ugh. Okay, now I'm all fresh out of costume ideas..."

Either luckily or unluckily, depending on your point of view, Xander came up with an idea for her.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Hearing the doorbell ring, Joyce Summers quickly walked to the front door. Her daughter had mentioned that Xander would be joining Buffy and Willow here before the Halloween student volunteer thing, so logically that was who would most likely be at the door.

Opening the front door, though, Joyce saw a relatively tall, dark-haired man standing partially in the shadows. Her heart skipped a beat when the middle-aged mom saw the LAPD badge hanging on a chain around the man's neck, and then a deep male voice said, "I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am, but is Buffy Summers home?"

"Oh my God, what has she done now?" Poor old Joyce suddenly had visions of another high school gym being destroyed flashing through her mind.

"Nothing, as far as I know," the voice suddenly became a lot lighter in tone and nasal in pitch, as Xander's face became fully visible and he entered the Slayer's house. "Hi, Mrs. Summers."

"Xander! It's you – oh thank God, I nearly had a heart attack just now. Young man, don't you do that to me!" Joyce stepped back and shut the door behind him.

"C'mon, Mrs. S, you're way too young to have a heart attack!" Harris said in a jocular tone.

"Buffy! Xander's here," Joyce called out to her daughter, choosing to ignore that. There was no point kidding herself about how she would be forty years old next year, after all.

As the blonde Slayer came down the stairs, Joyce's eyes went wide. The girl had her hair up in a weird, almost tomboy-ish style. A tied-up belly shirt was emphasising Buffy's cleavage, and she was sporting a leather jacket plus a toy gun as well. "Young lady, what are you wearing?!"

"It's my Halloween costume," Buffy shrugged. "I'm Deunan Knute, mom."

"Who?" Joyce obviously wasn't a fan of Japanese manga.

"A sci-fi comics heroine, Mrs. Summers; a 22nd century ESWAT ass-kicker," Xander supplied enthusiastically. "See, this guy Masamune Shirow came up with something called 'Appleseed' back in the 1980's, and Deunan was like one of the two main characters in it. She's a specialist in weapons handling, explosive devices, hand-to-hand combat, and she's an excellent pilot too!"

"I see," Joyce frowned, calming down a lot. "Well, all right. You're sixteen, Buffy, and according to all the books, I'm supposed to be supportive of your life choices at this age. So I'm not chastising you, but I also want it noted that I don't approve of those clothes for any time other than Halloween! Is that clear?"

"Crystal, mom," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Willow, come on! We're gonna be late!" she called upstairs to her absent friend.

Miss Rosenberg slowly came down the stairs wearing respectable, conservative clothes – except she was also wearing a shoulder holster, a fake gun and a fake FBI badge as a matching costume for Xander's. She grinned nervously at everyone's facial expression.

"Uh, hi. Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully, at your service!" Willow said, definitely having decided to go for the whole 'go as you aren't' thing tonight.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**Ninety minutes later**

Shaking his head to try to clear it, Detective Jack Slater looked around in confusion. The action hero movie character didn't know what was going on, but as soon as he saw monsters and mini-demons chasing parents and children on the street, the policeman pretty much knew that he wasn't in his own world anymore.

The funny thing was, Jack Slater was someone who actually came from a movie within a movie; the main protagonist of the 'Jack Slater' franchise in the 1993 film called 'Last Action Hero' starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. In his mind, Jack had recently visited the 'real world' thanks to a boy named Danny Madigan; and his last memory was of driving off into the sunlight, renouncing his old ways.

And yet now, he was here – wherever 'here' actually was. ( _This can't be right. Where am I?_ ) Jack thought to himself in bewilderment.

On instinct, Slater began to check his gear. His gun was where it should be, as was his badge hanging on a chain around his neck. So as one of the monsters came towards him, Slater drew his weapon and took aim – but upon remembering his vow not to be the mindless popular entertainment cliché anymore, Jack held back on blowing the thing's brains out. To his surprise, the demon just turned around and left. ( _Yeah, I'd say that's unusual..._ )

Slater started to get moving, heading up the street, and thus he missed out on meeting up with Deunan Knute and Dana Scully – who were destined have their own adventure tonight without him.

Jack reached into his left pocket as he hustled his way along the street, and to his surprise, he found a familiar gold-plated ticket stub. Something that had also been affected by tonight's chaos magic, and which had previously been an ordinary movie ticket which Xander had kept from last week. Something that the LA cop knew was utterly invaluable to him.

( _Well, at least now I know what to do,_ ) Slater thought to himself, as he ran amidst the chaos and pandemonium. As a cop he normally would have tried to restore some semblance of law and order, but not here and not now. ( _Gotta find a movie theatre, whichever one is the closest around here, and use this to try to get back to my own world..._ )

Slater eventually made his way into the central business district and found the Sun Cinema on Main Street. To his distress, there weren't any Jack Slater films playing: but he did see Arnold Schwarzenegger's face on one of the movie promos outside, for a blockbuster that was due to be released in about two weeks' time. Shrugging and figuring that beggars couldn't be choosers, Jack went into the deserted cinema and navigated his way past the unattended turnstile.

As luck or fate or destiny would have it, 'Batman and Robin' was playing tonight, thanks to one of the projectionists giving himself a private advance screening of the movie. Quite frankly, though, the man was regretting his decision to do that.

In his opinion the film was way too campy compared to its predecessor, not to mention there was a lot of unnecessary innuendo; what with the rubber nipples and repeated close-ups of Batman's crotch. That was why the guy had fallen asleep by the time Jack Slater came into the empty theatre, and used the magic movie ticket to actually enter 'Batman and Robin' partway through the film.

The projectionist was eventually startled awake by the beeping sounds of the projector, and he cursed as he went to switch off the movie. Taking the film reel out of the machine, he inspected it before tossing the movie aside.

( _Gonna have to use the other copies we have for premiere night, that one might be damaged,_ ) the man thought disinterestedly.

***

**Sun Cinema, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 2001**

A long time had passed ever since the night Xander Harris had disappeared off the face of the earth, and a lot had changed in the town he had called home.

For one thing, high school was over now for Buffy and Willow, and had been for over two years. For another, Buffy and Angel's romantic relationship had completely disintegrated, and he had left the Hellmouth for Los Angeles after Graduation.

For her part, Willow had eventually discovered that she was gay after mourning the tragic loss of Xander back in 1997 and, once in college, she had met her soul mate: a witch named Tara Maclay.

Many other things had happened over the last four years as well. This was Sunnydale, after all.

The demon Acathla; the Mayor Richard Wilkins; the cyborg ADAM; and last but not least, the hellgod named Glory or Glorificus. That particular creature had almost brought about the end of the world by bleeding Buffy's little sister named Dawn, who was also formerly the living energy known as the Key, and the Chosen One had had to save everyone by jumping off a tower and dying for the cause.

Only to be resurrected again by Willow and three friends of hers, 247 days later.

The traumatised Buffy had been under surveillance ever since by a group of three guys named Warren Mears, Andrew Wells and Jonathan Levinson. They liked to think of themselves as supervillains out to take control of Sunnydale, but in fact they could better be described as the 'legion of dorkness'. Primarily, because right now they were in the movie-house for a marathon movie night, and arguing about who was the best Batman to ever come out of Hollywood.

"There's something to be said about the classics. And Adam West was the original Batman, the yardstick against who all others are measured," Warren pointed out, as he munched his popcorn.

"No he wasn't! You're forgetting the 1943 serial film by Columbia Pictures, starring Lewis Wilson," Andrew replied, grabbing some candy-corn for himself.

"Okay, could we possibly move out of the Dark Ages and focus on something more contemporary?" Jonathan asked in slight irritation. "Michael Keaton's Batman broke all kinds of box office records in its day!"

"Well, yeah, 'Batman' did okay, even if 'Batman Returns' wasn't so hot," Andrew mused. "Still, Val Kilmer in 'Batman Forever' did better financially."

"It was heaps better than George Clooney's 'Batman and Robin', anyway," Warren snorted. "Honestly, you guys really wanna see this one? It's the least decent Batman film ever!"

"We paid good money for tonight's little marathon, didn't we?" Jonathan asked, as he didn't want to go back to the trio's lair yet. He then added, "Besides, Uma Thurman is worth watching in any movie she's in."

"Ooh, Poison Ivy. And Bane..." Andrew said before he instantly backtracked, "I-I mean, Batgirl!"

Warren and Jonathan looked at him for a moment, but then the movie started so the question of Andrew's true sexuality had to be put on hold for the moment. Along with the rest of the audience, they watched the film as the caped crusaders battled Mr. Freeze and his two villainous accomplices; before something very unexpected happened.

Unknown to the trio and their fellow movie-goers was the fact that all the theatre's copies of 'Batman and Robin' had been sold off or thrown out by the staff ages ago, except one: the one currently playing within this cinema. The same movie that had been watched by the projectionist in that private screening four years ago; and which still contained the body and soul of Xander Harris within it, trapped in a timeless limbo.

Just then, the movie screen started to glow, as the tradition Halloween wackiness in Sunnydale got started.

Jonathan started in surprise as he saw his former classmate appear out of nowhere on the screen, his food spilling out all over the floor. "What the-? Is that XANDER?"

"Who's Xander?" Warren and Andrew asked at the same time.

Jonathan didn't have time to answer before the image of Xander Harris jumped out of the film, and the male teenager's body landed on the front row of seats. Thanks to the lack of chaos magic, he'd stopped thinking he was Jack Slater the moment he'd become self-aware, and returned to the real world by turning around and diving out in the same direction he'd come in.

More than one person screamed, as the movie patrons quickly stampeded out of the theatre. Jonathan was tempted to go check out his one-time friend, who was apparently unconscious after hitting his head on one of the seats, but Andrew and Warren hauled him away once he'd told them Xander was the Slayer's amigo.

They couldn't afford any lapses in their security or risks to their future plans, after all.

***

**Main Street, Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

Xander came stumbling out of the movie-house, with a big headache and currently thinking it was still 1997. Not that he could really be blamed for that, since being stuck in a movie for four years and crashing into a movie seat would be enough to make anyone's brain think at lower levels for a while.

( _What the hell's happened to me?_ ) He looked around at the quiet streets, recalling how, not all that long ago, it had been sheer madness and rioting everywhere. ( _What happened to all the demons? And how the hell is it I can still remember everything about Jack Slater's life, as if I'd lived it myself?_ )

Shaking his head, Xander checked to see what supplies he had. The gun had long since become a toy again, unfortunately, and all he had on him right now was a crucifix. So, all things considered, it was good thing practically every vampire was taking the night off and staying indoors; otherwise, the odds were that Harris would have been killed before he got even halfway to the remains of the school.

( _Oh my freakin' God!! What the hell happened here?_ ) Xander asked himself in dismay as he stared at the ruins. The place had been cleaned up a lot ever since 1999, but it would still be nearly a year before one of the local construction companies would rebuild the place enough for classes to resume. ( _That's it. I need to find a phone!_ )

A few minutes later, the young man dialled his house but there was no reply. His parents had split up and left town long ago, unfortunately. Next, Xander tried Willow's number; and while it seemed like forever before someone answered, Mrs. Sheila Rosenberg finally picked up and said, # Rosenberg residence. #

"Oh, thank God Mrs. R! It's me, Xander Harris. Look, is Willow there? Can I speak to her?" Xander said in a big rush.

# Is this supposed to be some sort of joke? Xander Harris is dead, he has been for four years now. Who is this? # Sheila demanded in annoyance.

"What? Mrs. Rosenberg, it's me, Xander! Don't you recognize my voice?" Harris asked in astonishment. "Uh, what's going on – why would you think I'm dead? I just saw you the other day!"

# That's it, I'm hanging up- # the Jewish woman started to say.

"No, wait! I, I can prove it's me!" Xander said desperately, even though he had no idea what was going on here. "Um, at Willow's bat mitzvah, my parents got totally drunk and nearly ruined the entire thing! Willow, Jesse and I were best friends growing up, and we constantly hung out at your place the summer before sophomore year. And, uh, when I was six years old and that clown nearly scared me to death on my birthday, you were the one who told me...okay, I kinda tuned you out completely after you started on the techno-babble thing, but still! I mean, I've known you all my life, just like Willow! Please, is she there?"

There was a brief silence. When she spoke again, Sheila's voice sounded a lot more uncertain. # Xander? Is that really you? #

"Yes!" Harris shouted happily. "Now look, Mrs. Rosenberg, could you just tell me-"

# The odds are that after you disappeared that way all those years ago, you almost certainly must have joined one of those gangs which like to get high on PCP around here, # the red-haired woman cut him off, refusing to acknowledge the existence of vampires but no longer quite the denial-filled woman she'd been before trying to burn Willow at the stake. # So do not come anywhere near me, my daughter or my husband; or else you'll regret it. #

CLICK. Xander stared at the telephone receiver in disbelief, before slowly hanging up the phone. He didn't have any more money, so he headed for a nearby rubbish bin and got lucky with a discarded copy of today's newspaper. He stared disbelievingly at the date: Wednesday October 31st, 2001.

( _No way,_ ) Xander thought numbly, as the modern-day version of Rip van Winkle threw the paper back in the trash. ( _NO WAY! How the hell did I end up travelling, like, four years into the future?_ )

Instinctively, Xander headed for the Summers residence at 1630 Revello Drive. Just as he arrived, though, the young man saw William the Bloody exiting the house. He instantly recognized the vampire, and recoiled in fear.

"Spike...?" Xander exhaled in disbelief.

The British vampire just stared at him, before breaking into a grin. "Oi, I remember you! You're the git Angelus offered to me as a snack way back when. Thought you were dead, but looks like I was wrong. Bloody hell, I'm gonna enjoy this..."

But just as Spike swung his fist and socked Xander in the jaw, he collapsed screaming and clutching at his skull. His assumption that Xander was no longer human had just been proven erroneous. "What the friggin' hell-!?"

Spike's agony brought the rest of the Scooby Gang to the door. Willow, Buffy, Giles, Dawn and Tara came out onto the porch, and everyone apart from Miss Maclay stared at Harris in disbelief.

"XANDER?" everyone chorused, even as Buffy automatically brought up her stake to attack.

"No, wait, Slayer! The whelp's human, one of the bloody nummy treats. I hit him just now, and my head almost split apart," Spike grunted as he got up off the ground.

Xander was just staring at his friends in incredulity. There was no more denying the four years that had passed upon seeing their faces; Buffy and Willow obviously weren't teenagers anymore, and Giles had a lot more lines on his forehead that hadn't been there the last time Harris had seen the Watcher.

"Will? Buff? G-man? I, I don't understand, if this really is 2001 – h-how did I end up four years in the future?" Xander asked, and it was patently obvious from his tone that the young man was still hoping all this was a bad dream somehow.

Everyone just stared at him, before dragging him inside and a long conversation took place. Dawn quickly left and went up to her room after she learned that Xander had no idea who she was, she felt weird – not to mention a little betrayed, and a little afraid – knowing that she really HADN'T been around back when Harris had still been part of the group. Everyone else stayed, though, and the gang eventually figured out that his presence here and now wasn't due to a temporal anomaly; it was due to being stuck in that movie for all those years.

"God, I'm almost forgotten," Willow said, recalling that Halloween with a nostalgic sigh. "I was Special Agent Dana Scully all night-"

"You WERE?" Tara interrupted, a look of amazement on her face. "You never told me that!"

"It's not something we like to think about much, actually. I certainly didn't enjoy being Deunan Knute and almost killing Angel that evening," Buffy grimaced. Spike grimaced as well at the mention of his grandsire.

"You did? Say, where is Dead Boy anyway?" Xander looked around. "Uh, and not to mention your mom, Buff?"

Everyone went quiet at once. Xander didn't get it at first, but after remembering that this was Sunnydale, his brain quickly got started in the right direction. ( _Oh no..._ )

"The big poof left town and Joyce is dead, you stupid arse," Spike said, after it was obvious no one else was going to say anything. "She died 'bout eight months ago, brain aneurysm or some such thing. And if it wasn't for that bloody chip in my head, I'd have killed all them so-called doctors who just kicked her out of that effin' hospital!"

"Chip?" Xander asked, still finding it hard to believe that this vampire was no longer someone to be staked on sight. It was only a few hours ago, in Xander's mind, that Spike had been the Big Bad and proud of it – out to kill him and all his friends.

"It's a long story," Giles sighed, taking off his glasses and pinching his eyes.

Willow suddenly smiled, "Oh my God, Xander – you're really BACK! You have no idea how often I wished for this back in high school!"

Overcome with emotion, the witch then hugged her oldest friend fiercely, and less than a moment later Buffy was grabbing him too in a big bear hug. Full of reserve, Giles nonetheless gave Xander a brief hug as well, trying to keep a stiff upper lip but not succeeding very well.

Backing off, Spike narrowed his eyes in sudden dislike. He didn't know how or why yet, but he nonetheless knew for a fact that Xander's presence here wasn't a good thing as far as he was concerned.

***

**Outside 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**April 27****th****, 2002**

The months had passed, and slowly Xander had started to adapt to life in the 21st century.

Luckily, here on the Hellmouth there were usually never any formal declarations of death whenever a Sunnydale special was concerned; thus Harris had been able to resume his old identity without too much fuss. He looked old enough to pass for his early twenties, and ever since acquiring his GED with Willow's help he had been trying to decide what to do with his life.

( _I still remember everything that Jack Slater did, _) the young man mused as he waited on Buffy's porch for someone to join him. ( _Maybe I can enter the LA police academy, work my way back up to detective? I don't want to join the Sunnydale PD, that's for damn sure. There are still too many assholes left over from when Mayor Wilkins was running things around there, may he rot in Hell..._ )

It was rather telling how easily Xander contemplated leaving Sunnydale tonight, actually. Primarily because everyone he had known in high school had moved on, and changed so much.

Giles had left for England months ago, for reasons Xander still didn't understand properly; Willow was completely addicted to the magicks, and barely on speaking terms again with her ex-girlfriend; and Buffy was still like a living ghost after her soul had been torn out of Heaven, seemingly joined at the hip with the chipped wonder.

That was the thing that bugged Xander the most – just how far Spike had dug his way into the gang's lives. At first the boy had thought he was just imagining things; but after he'd witnessed the British vampire entering the Summers house any time he liked, day or night, the former Slayerette had known that he wasn't mistaken. Spike's attendance at the Scooby meetings had also been very telling. Hard as it was to admit to himself, Xander knew that he was more of an outsider now than the vampire who had once been the group's worst enemy.

"Hello, Xander. Long time no see."

Xander got up off the porch swing. It had been four and a half years, but the Irish-born vampire still looked the same. ( _Well, duh, he is a walking corpse after all._ )

"Hello, Angel. Come on, let's go; we've got us a Gargle Gaggle demon to find."

"A what?"

Xander passed the woodcut drawing Willow had given him to the ensouled vampire, as they walked off the porch. "I can't pronounce it properly, but it's a demon that stung the Buffster with some kinda poison that's giving her hallucinations. According to Will, its pokey stinger carries an antidote to its own poison though. So tonight, we gotta bring 'em back alive."

"A Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon? Wonderful," Angel scowled, as he and Xander arrived at the vampire's car and Harris put his tranq rifle in the back seat. The teen knew how to use it and use it well, thanks to Jack Slater's memories. Angel added, "This thing is dangerous, I'm glad you called me in on this."

"It was either that or having to ask Spike for help, anyway," Xander replied as he got into the passenger seat. As Angel drove off, Harris mentioned, "So did anyone tell you exactly what happened to me, those four years I spent in limbo? Because I've heard all about what happened with you...after you lost your soul, a few months after I disappeared."

Angel didn't like the unfriendly tone Xander had developed. "It pissed you off, I take it," the ensouled vampire commented. "But if that's the way you feel, why even bother to call me?"

"If it comes down to a choice between two terrible evils, it's better to deal with the devil you know," Xander shrugged, still looking straight ahead. "It's like Spike's hypnotized everyone around here apart from me; they're treating him like they did you in the old days. Which is really kinda weird since he doesn't have a soul, just some electronic leash that got jammed into his head."

A sigh. "Just between us, Dead Boy, I worry about how if that chip ever stops working, Spike is gonna pig out on an all-you-can-eat buffet; and Buffy is gonna hesitate just a moment too long before trying to dust him. And that's IF she can slay him; the way they patrol together so often, Spike must know all her moves by now."

( _This sounds serious,_ ) Angel thought to himself in concern. "So what do you suggest?"

"What's the story with that other Slayer? Faith, I think her name is," Xander asked as he watched the houses flash by.

"She's still in jail, I visit her every so often. And if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, forget it. Faith won't leave that penitentiary in Stockton, even though that place couldn't hold her if she really wanted out of there," Angel advised his companion. "She's still trying to make amends for killing those two people, in her own way at least. Even though I'm sure Wesley and Cordelia don't believe that for a second."

"Yeah, I was kinda surprised to hear that Cordy ended up working for you," Xander shook his head in mock wonder. "I'm also surprised she's lasted at the job this long, if she's still anything like the person I remember."

"She's not," Angel said shortly. "She's changed a lot since high school, Harris, believe me. Ever since 1999, Cordy's been getting visions from the Powers That Be. They let her know about the evil vamps or demons, and the people who need rescuing from them. Then my crew and I go out to save the day, so to speak."

The car finally pulled over as Xander said, "Well, good for you. Hey, after you go back to the big city, tell her I said hi. Personally I doubt it'll mean much to her, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt about the whole personality makeover thing."

Harris quickly got the tranq rifle out and said to his undead companion, "Let's go bag us a demon."

***

**Buffy's bedroom, 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale**

**A few hours later**

The Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon had been caught, its stinger isolated and Willow had brewed up the antidote for Buffy. But the moment Angel brought it to her, a very familiar smell hit his nostrils.

( _Spike's here,_ ) Angel thought to himself before he realized that he was wrong; the scent was too faint for his grandchilde to be physically present. ( _No, obviously not. But then how-?_ )

Suddenly he figured out that the smell was coming from Buffy, tucked asleep in her bed. The conclusion was inescapable; she had been in close proximity often enough for William the Bloody's scent to mix with hers, and there was only way one way he knew of for that to happen.

( _Buffy's_ _been sleeping with Spike?! Why the hell didn't Xander say anything about that?_ ) Angel thought jealously, before calming down and realizing the truth. ( _Oh, of course – he doesn't know. He couldn't know; he'd be the last person Buffy would confide in about something like that. Not after Harris heard all the stories about what happened with me on the night of her 17th birthday._ )

Angel shook his head and said softly, "Buffy? Wake up. I have something for you to drink."

"Angel?" Buffy blinked fuzzily as she woke up. Then a cold look came over her face. "No, you're not really here. You don't exist. I just made you up, same as everything else in this stupid hallucination.

"At least...I think I did," Buffy suddenly appeared unsure.

"Okay, then we can discuss that after you drink up," Angel gave her the demon poison antidote. "Please? If I'm not real, then what's the harm? And if this is real – which, by the way, I promise it is – you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you. So for old time's sake, huh? Trust me on this, that stuff is gonna help you."

Still looking suspicious, Buffy quaffed down the liquid. The Slayer's pupils dilated for a few moments before she started shaking her head, and a loud rumble erupted out of her stomach. Whether it was from hunger or the antidote, Angel couldn't tell, but he personally preferred to believe it was the former.

"Um, Angel? You're still here? This isn't a dream or, or a hallucination?" Buffy asked hesitantly.

"No, Buffy. This is all very real," Angel replied.

Finally, the blonde seemed to be convinced herself. "Then do ya mind waiting outside while I get dressed, and then we can go downstairs for a bite to eat?" Buffy asked hesitantly, as she got out of bed. "For some reason, I'm really hungry."

"No problem," Angel nodded, as he headed for the door. "I'll see you downstairs. By the way, there's a Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon tied up in the basement, if you're feeling better we should kill it right after you've eaten."

( _He always seems to know exactly the right thing to cheer me up a little,_ ) Miss Summers thought to herself with a grin as she started looking for her clothes.

***

**Somewhere underground in Sunnydale, California**

**April 28****th****, 2002**

After Buffy had killed the Glarghk guhl kashma'nik demon, she had come to the conclusion that it had been sic'ed onto her by the nerd herd, right when she'd been looking for their new lair the other night. Miss Summers could remember hearing some sort of flute or horn playing right before the demon had showed up, anyway.

So Angel had suggested going to that neighbourhood again via the underground tunnels, in case the area was under surveillance by the bad guys. A sensible precaution and an effective one, too, given the geeks' techno-savvy.

"Well, this brings back memories," Buffy grumbled to herself as she sloshed along in the sewers, Angel at her side. "Last time we were in a place like this, you broke up with me as I recall."

"I know, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing," Angel said in reply. "I wanted you to have a life with someone who could give you everything I couldn't – marriage and children, even. But instead, you ended up with Spike?"

The Slayer whipped her head around so fast, it almost caused whiplash. "How did you..." Then she looked disgusted. "Has anyone ever told you that that vamp smelling thing which you guys do is GROSS?"

"Cordelia's mentioned it once or twice." Angel didn't say anything else as they kept walking.

"Well? Where's the lecture?" Buffy finally asked, unable to tolerate the silence anymore. "Aren't you gonna say stuff like 'how could you' and, and 'what were you thinking'?"

Angel shrugged. "How could you, and what were you thinking?"

Buffy glared at her ex in the semi-darkness. "Very funny, wise guy. So, is that it? You don't care? Is it because Spike and I aren't sleeping together anymore, or is it something else?"

"I do care, Buffy, and I already figured out that you and Spike aren't being intimate right now; his scent was too faint on you for it to be otherwise. I just have one question; does anyone else know? I'm pretty sure that Willow and Xander don't, anyway. There was a time you didn't have any secrets from them, but I guess those days are gone now, huh?" Angel asked.

Silence. "I couldn't talk to either of them about it. Tara knows, but no one else; not even Dawn," Buffy eventually confessed

"Why not your two best friends?"

Buffy let loose with some ugly laughter. "Best friends? Willow was the one who took Heaven away from me, remember? And Xander...God, he hasn't changed at all! I love him to death but he's still so judgmental, and all with the bad jokes, and everything else that annoyed the heck out of me back in high school. I'd forgotten just how irritating he could be, especially whenever the issue of you and me came up..."

"Considering how prophetic Xander's warnings were that nothing good would come out of our relationship, though, I don't think you really have the right to complain. And it's only a matter of time until he figures out the truth about you and Spike, you know. You should tell him-" Angel said.

"Oh, sure," Buffy interrupted. "I'll just go up to Xander and say, 'Until recently, I used to engage in hot sweaty sex with Spike, someone you practically loathe – just in order to feel something and retain my sanity in this god-awful world Willow hauled me back into'. I'm sure THAT will go down really well with him! And with Willow!"

"Buffy," Angel said chidingly.

"Look, it can wait until later, okay? Come on, I wanna get this thing with the über-geeks over with – the entrance to their lair must be around here somewhere," the Chosen One snapped as she kept walking.

Not far away, Xander stopped moving.

He had followed Angel and Buffy ever since they had gone underground, and heard the entire conversation from a safe distance – sound carried really well in those underground tunnels. But now he had heard enough, and started to head back to the sewer entrance.

It was time for Xander to make a decision regarding his own future.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**April 29****th****, 2002**

Willow and Dawn sat on Buffy's bed, while she regaled them with the tale of how she'd defeated Warren and his crew. The Key and the witch were hanging on her every word, as Buffy described recent events to the female pair.

"So after Angel and I came up through the sewers, as soon as they saw us they tried going for some weapons. But we were too fast for them! I punched out Warren straightaway, because I figured he was like the biggest threat out of all three of those jerks. Then Angel and I kinda just banged the other two's heads together, and that sure put 'em down for the count! So after that, I dumped them outside for Angel to keep an eye on, and then I called the police."

Dawn asked, "What did you tell the cops after they showed up?"

Buffy smirked at her. "I told them that those three had been spying on me, that I'd caught them being all stalker-y before they got into a fight with my boyfriend and he knocked them unconscious. That was enough for probable cause, so the cops went inside the house and found that huge-ass diamond those three stole from the Sunnydale museum last year. I figure that'll be enough to nail their hides to the wall."

"That sounds so cool!" Dawn nodded, recalling all the mischief the Trio had caused this year; especially almost making Buffy think she had committed manslaughter.

"Will you have to show up in court when this goes to trial?" Willow asked.

"Nah, I don't think so. The stalking thing isn't quite as serious as the robbery stuff, even though the cops must have found that surveillance system the nerds had set up. The Sunnydale PD said I could just fill out a sworn statement, but I got the distinct feeling they didn't want to talk to me; I'm pretty sure I recognized some of them as the ones that shot at me in the school after Kendra was killed," Buffy had an irritated look on her face.

"So where's Angel now?" Dawn asked. She hadn't seen Big Sis look this animated and happy for a long time; and if he was the cause of it, then the former Key was planning to invite the guy to Sunnydale as often as possible.

"He's gonna be heading back to LA, I think," Buffy replied, some of the light going out of her eyes. Wanting to change the topic she asked, "So has anyone seen Xander lately?"

Right on cue, Harris knocked on the door and came in. Straightaway, Dawn wrinkled her nose and said, "Ewww, Xander, what is that smell? You REEK!"

"Yeah, I haven't had time to take a shower yet. But it's on my list of things to do after I catch a lift to LA with Dead Boy," Xander told all the girls present.

"You're going to Los Angeles? Why?" Willow demanded at once.

"I'm planning to serve and protect, Will. Enter the LAPD academy and all that. I finally decided to stop procrastinating and just do it," Harris told her with a smile, albeit one that felt a bit forced.

"You're LEAVING? Xander, are you out of your mind? You can't leave Sunnydale, you're just a-" Buffy started to say in exasperation.

"A teenager?" Xander interrupted. "Not according to the calendar I'm not, Buff. Besides, I'll be eighteen in about six months; so really, what's the difference anymore?"

"Are you sure about this?" Dawn wanted to know, sensing that something was off somehow. "I mean, really sure? That this is what you wanna do with your life?"

"Positive," Harris told the younger Summers daughter with a genuine smile. "I know we haven't known each other that long, Dawn – well, that's how it is for me, anyway. But I want you to know, I'm gonna miss you; you've been a good friend ever since I showed up again in the land of the living."

He sent her a knowing smirk and joked, "Heck, if only you were a couple of years older, I'd have braved Buffy's wrath in asking you out on a date..."

Dawn giggled, even as Buffy scowled at the thought of Xander touching her little sister without at least an engagement ring on Dawnie's finger. Then the former Key gave Xander a farewell hug despite the bad smell, as did Willow. Both the brunette and the redhead subsequently gave Xander some alone time for a private farewell with Buffy. They figured it was the least they could do, since the Chosen One was looking rather upset.

"So you're really just gonna go? No warning, you suddenly decide to up and leave – exactly like Giles did?" Buffy demanded once they were alone.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you won't miss me all that much," Xander shrugged indifferently. "I'm equally sure that if things get too desperate, Spike will be only too glad to take care of business. How long were you and him together for, anyway?"

Caught off-guard, Buffy just gaped at Xander. "What-?"

"If it's not too much of a personal question, how long were you guys sleeping together?" Harris asked way too calmly.

"I, I...four months, more or less," the Summers woman spluttered. "How did you know-?"

Xander exhaled, honestly not seeing any point in answering that question. ( _Can't tell her the truth, anyway, I doubt she'd appreciate it much._ )

"Does it really matter? Buffy, over the last six months or so you've made it clear that whatever you do in your personal life is none of my business, not anymore. I've tried to talk to you about things, but you always just shut me out. Apparently because this isn't high school anymore, and you've gone through too much to see me as any kind of equal any longer. Isn't that right?"

"You're being ridiculous, Xander!" Buffy snapped.

"Am I? Personally, I think the word you really mean is 'childish'. But hey, I'm old enough to know that whatever mistakes I've made in my life, sleeping with someone who's slaughtered innocent people isn't one of them," Harris told her.

"Is that another one of your not-so-subtle digs about Spike?" Buffy asked in annoyance.

"Lemme answer that question with one of my own, Buff," Xander replied. "Tell me, do you really think that guy would still play nice with his dinner if that chip in his head ever stopped working? Would you still trust him around your little sister then? And she's not stupid, by the way. I'm sure that Dawn knows, or at least suspects, about you and Spike by now. So what are you gonna do if – no, make that WHEN – she starts looking for her own vampire lover in a few years time?"

"Hey, don't you even think that! Dawn wouldn't...she would NEVER...that's impossible!" Buffy protested.

"Nothing's impossible, Buffy," Harris said with another shrug. "Think about it – you're her role model now that your mom's dead. First, it was Angel; now, it's Spike. What exactly do you think Dawn's learning from you, apart from the grass has gotta be greener on the undead side of the fence? Seriously, you should ask yourself what kind of example you're setting for your little sister, don't you think?"

"It doesn't matter. Because I'm not seeing Spike anymore, it's over," Buffy said with a resigned air. Then she looked suspicious. "Is that why you're leaving, you're upset about me and him?!"

"No. Or at least not entirely," Xander shook his head. "All that just finally made me realize that I don't really belong here anymore. We're on different roads in life now, Buff, even though I never would have believed that four years ago."

Xander sent her a look which Buffy didn't like at all, before he finished up, "Anyway, I'll be in touch, and if you ever need me for anything I'll be just a phone call away."

With those parting words Xander gave her a quick hug, and then he left.

Personally, the blonde Slayer thought Harris had been more annoying than ever just now, but there was no denying that Xander had made her face things that she didn't want to face up to. Just like that day in Ethan's costume shop when dissecting Angel's likes and dislikes, the big lug had hit the Slayer with some very good points that she had no easy rebuttal for.

Questions that she had no easy answers for, as well.

"Damn it, Xander..." Buffy muttered, starting to miss him already.

***

Next: Story 20 - Keeping Up With The Joneses


	20. Keeping Up With The Joneses

**Date written**: Tue 20 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Hello everybody, and thanks for all the latest reviews and feedback! With regard to the previous story - Jason, sorry if it wasn't made clear, but that part of the episode didn't happen in this AU; Xander showed up at the Summers house during Halloween 2001 before Dawn and Janice could get up to their hijinks, and so it never took place. And as for Willow and the magic abuse, that Halloween incident was only one of many - I thought that eventually our favorite redhead would have spiralled down and hit rock bottom, after using Lethe's Bramble on Tara and everything else. Anyway, onto this fic - many years ago, Tenhawk wrote his "Fedora" story, and I was entranced with the concept as soon as I read his excellent fanfic. I'm still waiting for the sequel to be finished, by the way, but that's neither here nor there. After the latest movie in the series came out, somehow my twisted mind came up with this, so I hope you enjoy my take on the concept.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 20: Keeping Up With The Joneses

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

"Alexander! Dinner's ready!"

Alexander Lavelle Harris didn't pay any attention to his mother at first, he was too busy thinking. Finally, though, he got up off his bed and, holding a leather jacket in his hands, Xander went to find the woman who had given birth to him. There were some questions he wanted to ask.

"Hey, mom? Where's dad?" Xander asked.

"In the basement, he'll be along in a few minutes." Jessica went over to the basement door and shouted, "Tony! Dinner!" Then she grumbled to herself, "What is he doing down there..."

"Mom, we need to talk."

"About what, dear?" Xander's mother asked absently, adjusting the table settings after making her famous phone call to the local Chinese takeout place.

"My grandfather."

That brought Jessica up short. "You mean your Grandpa Scott?"

"No, mom, I'm talking about your dad. Grandpa Henry," Xander held up the 1950's leather jacket he had worn earlier tonight for Halloween student escort duty, which he had 'borrowed' out of his parents' basement storage. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Tell you what, Alexander?"

( _Don't call me that,_ ) Xander automatically thought to himself in annoyance, but then he calmed down and said, "Ma, your dad called himself Mutt Williams when he was my age, did you know that? It wasn't until you were born that he started calling himself Henry. His mom and dad – your grandparents, my great-grandparents – they were Henry Jones Junior, and Mary Ravenwood Williams Jones. Why didn't you ever tell me about them? Don't you think I might have wanted to know who they were?"

Jessica Williams Harris looked somewhat stunned. Make that plenty stunned, actually, as this was one conversation she'd never been expecting to have.

"Alexander, how on earth did you learn all that?" she demanded. "My mother – your grandmother – she wanted nothing at all to do with your grandfather's relatives. In fact, she actually called your great-grandfather a ghoul right to his face one time..." She saw Xander's expression and added, "This was after learning that he and his son once broke into and robbed a graveyard in Peru-"

"While they were looking for Ox – yeah, I know," Xander blurted out. He put on his grandfather's leather jacket, which thanks to the fake switchblade the male teen had picked up at Ethan's Costume Shop yesterday, had actually turned him into Mutt Williams for a few hours earlier on tonight. Xander could actually remember his grandfather's life now as if he'd lived it himself, which was damned WEIRD even for Sunnydale.

"Ox? Who's Ox?" Jessica asked in confusion.

"Uh, Harold Oxley. You must have heard of him, right? He helped raise Grandpa Henry during the 1940's and 50's," Xander told her. "He was an old friend of my great-grandad too."

"I...yes, I think I remember the name, from when I was a little girl..." Jessica mused, before focusing back on her son. "But again, how did YOU know about him?"

"Trust me, mom, you'd never believe me even if I told you," Xander shook his head, before descending upon his noodles and fried rice and starting to eat like there was no tomorrow.

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Xander threw aside the latest book he'd been reading in disgust; there was nothing he could find on the mystical South American city of Akator, which his family had visited in 1957.

Using the key he'd been given by Rupert Giles, the school librarian and Watcher to Buffy the vampire Slayer, Xander had come here today to do a little research; and it was disheartening to learn that the Council books had absolutely nothing on the interdimensional aliens his grandfather and great-grandfather had encountered forty years ago.

( _Well, I guess it doesn't really matter, since the little grey men weren't out to kill or enslave us all. Still, it would have been nice to know that someone somewhere had made a record of all that, and that I wasn't the only one who remembers what happened back then!_ ) Harris thought to himself in annoyance.

Taking off his jacket, Xander made his way over to the book cage where the Slayer's armaments were stored. He saw all sorts of archaic weapons there; a wooden staff, a crossbow, a mace, and even one or two swords.

( _Gee, do ya think Giles could come out of the Middle Ages and get some modern weapons sometime this century? There's only about two years or so left... _) Shrugging that thought away, Xander picked up one of the swords.

The weight of the bladed weapon in his hands was enough to bring forth memories of another life, during a much simpler era. Memories of a surrogate father, a loving mother, motorcycles, various prep schools and a talent for fencing passed through Xander's brain. Almost without realizing it, the male teenager's body assumed the proper stance and Harris began to move through the different fencing forms, almost as if he was doing a martial arts kata.

"Xander? What on earth are you doing?" a British-accented voice said in surprise. "And, and where did you learn to move like that?"

Xander turned around to face the G-man. "Hey, Giles. I hope you don't mind, but I was kinda hoping we could talk."

"Talk about what?" Rupert demanded, as he grabbed the sword out of Xander's hands. "This isn't a toy, you know, you shouldn't be playing with things like this."

Instantly, Xander's hackles went up. "Hey, I wasn't playing with anything-"

"Oh, look at this mess!" Giles interrupted as he pointed to the table with a pile of books on it, it was obvious that he was in a bit of a bad mood after going to Ethan's Costume Shop and only finding a note from his old partner-in-crime. "Don't tell me you, you were looking for pictures of half-naked women in my books again?!"

"No!" Xander said in annoyance. "That was just the one time last year!"

"Well, good," Giles sniffed. "Now what did you want? And please don't waste my time on frivolities, I-I-I've got a lot of cross-referencing to do today-"

"Is that what you really think of me – that I just waste your time on stupid kid stuff? That's it, I'm outta here!" Xander snarled, startling the British man. He then threw the key at the Watcher, who just managed to duck in time. "And don't expect me back for a while, either!"

( _What the devil was that?_ ) Giles asked himself in alarm, as the library doors banged shut. The temper which Xander had inherited from Mutt had finally manifested itself completely, which was hardly surprising given last night's Halloween fun. ( _The boy's never reacted that angrily before, what's going on here?_ )

Sadly, it was the beginning of the end, even though Rupert Giles didn't know it yet.

***

**Outside the remains of 1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**January 21****st****, 1998**

"You let him go."

Buffy Summers was still kinda freaked about the explosion that had destroyed the demon known as the Judge, after he had been lured into the Slayer's house and the place had been blown up with dynamite. Not to mention her confrontation just now with the soulless version of her boyfriend Angel, otherwise known as Angelus.

Thus, the blonde Slayer was not in the mood for yet another confrontation, as she turned around to see her best male friend glaring at her. "Xander-"

"You think I didn't see what you did just now? You kicked him in the balls, turned your back and deliberately let Overbite escape. You didn't even try to finish him off," Xander stated, his tone very cold and bitter.

Miss Summers hesitated, knowing that it was pointless to deny it. "I know, I...I wanted to, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it..."

"Because you still love him," Xander completed the sentence for her, a look of complete disgust on his face. "Well, I hope that helps you sleep better at nights, since the blood of all the people that Dead Boy is gonna kill from now on? It's gonna be on your hands."

"Shut up, Xander, that's not fair!" Buffy yelled angrily.

"Who gives a flying fuck about 'fair'?! Buffy, you need to come out of this little fantasy world you've created for yourself over the past few months, where everything is somehow gonna work out happily ever after. Because people are going to die now, thanks to what you just did," Xander said slowly and clearly, trying to drive his point home. "So, let me make something clear to you. Either you go all out to kill Angel, or I'm gonna get in touch with Kendra..."

Xander was referring to the second Slayer who had been in Sunnydale a few months ago. "...and get her to do the job that you can't. Is that understood?" he finished up.

"You can't do that!" the Chosen One yelled again, barely resisting the urge to throttle Harris for daring to dictate to her.

"Can't I? Well, how exactly are you planning to stop me?" Xander asked her the obvious. Then he gestured to the burning remains of the Summers house. "It took this much to get rid of the Judge. According to Ms. Calendar, we can't curse Angel with a soul again – so you tell me, Buffy. What's the right thing to do here?"

***

**Sunnydale General Hospital, Sunnydale, California**

**May 13****th****, 1998**

"You lied to me."

Willow Rosenberg, Xander's best friend ever since kindergarten, winced at the accusatory note in his voice as the young man closed the door behind him. "Xander-"

"I don't care about the reasons or the excuses, Will. All I care about is the fact that you promised me you wouldn't try to give Angel his soul back before I left the hospital. I know you didn't want to agree to that, but you still gave me your word in exchange for me not smashing that damn glass cue ball.

"You broke your promise to me, Willow," Harris almost growled the last sentence at her.

The red-haired apprentice witch took a moment to think about just how different Xander's character was nowadays ever since Halloween; she didn't think that he would have ever confronted her like this before the possession by his maternal grandfather. Willow straightened up in bed and said, "Uh, how did you know I tried the curse again? I mean, you just got here-"

"I was there when it happened," Xander cut her off stonily. "I went to finish the job Kendra started, in case Buffy couldn't do what had to be done."

He glared at Willow, "Imagine my surprise when I saw Dead Boy's eyes glow orange, and then the fight between him and Buffy stopped just like that. But it was too late, 'cause that damn demon statue had been activated and was about to destroy the world. So instead of Angelus getting his just reward, Angel got sent to Hell instead! About the only good thing to come out of this whole mess was me persuading Buffy not to run away from home! If I hadn't been there – God only knows where she'd be right now."

"Oh my God..." Willow breathed, shocked and horrified after hearing Xander's revelations.

"Willow, I came here because I wanted to tell you something. And that is, I hope that what you decided to do today was worth it to you – because I'll never be able to trust you again, at least not completely. You lied to me that you wouldn't try to perform the soul curse-" Xander got back to his previous argument.

"Well, technically I didn't lie! Because I didn't try to do it, I succeeded in doing it!" Willow interrupted desperately.

"Don't try to play word games, or twist this around into anything other than what it is," Xander half-snarled, somehow keeping a grip on his feelings. "You thought that you were right and I was wrong about what to do, so you told me what I wanted to hear and then did whatever the hell you wanted to do. And if I'm mistaken, swear to me on Ms. Calendar's grave that you didn't do any such thing, and I'll get down on my knees and apologize to you for everything I've said just now. Well?"

Willow squirmed in her bed, not willing to defile her favourite teacher's memory. "Trying to get Angel back on our side – I thought it was the right thing to do! It's like you didn't have any confidence in me at all, and besides – I knew you weren't thinking straight because of your stupid jealousy where Angel's concerned-"

"Jealousy?" Xander cut her off at once. "JEALOUSY? You've GOT to be kidding me, Willow. You honestly think I still have feelings for Buffy? Because not only is she not my type anymore, after everything that's happened over the last four months – all the people Angelus killed, just because Buffy couldn't stake him when she had the chance – I wouldn't touch her now with a ten-foot barge pole."

He sucked in a deep breath before continuing, "And if we're gonna be 100 percent honest here...I wouldn't touch you with one either, not after you lied to me that way."

Willow's eyes widened with disbelief, never having expected to hear something like that in a million years. She suddenly had the horrible feeling that the friendship between herself and Xander was now effectively over, thanks to her choice of actions.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**May 21****st****, 1999**

"He's turning into a giant snake? I hate snakes!" Xander muttered to himself. The young man had obviously inherited something from his great-grandfather, as the young descendant of the Jones line shucked off his graduation robes.

Because this year's annual apocalypse starring Mayor Richard Wilkins had finally gotten underway, and the senior class got ready to battle the pure demon known as Olvikan.

It had been a long twelve months for the Scooby Gang, in more ways than one. Buffy had eventually recovered from sending Angel to Hell that day, especially after the ensouled vampire had somehow been returned to Earth for some reason no one had been able to fathom, at least not yet.

Willow had eventually recovered from her feelings of terminal guilt for the pain she had caused her best female friend, thanks to Oz's tender loving care.

Xander had eventually met Kendra's successor, Faith, and embarked on a whirlwind romance with her before their relationship had run its course and both had moved on.

It should be noted, though, that Xander had somehow been able to reach through to Faith after she had semi-accidentally killed the Deputy Mayor Allan Finch one night. A vicious sword fight had taken place between the former lovers, at the end of which Faith had collapsed crying into his arms – and then, her voluntary confession to Giles (and later Wesley Wyndham-Pryce) had subsequently taken place. It had earned the dark-haired Chosen One nothing more than a slap on the wrist and many counselling sessions with a shrink, after the Tweed Brigade had conducted their investigation.

A much better fate than what would have occurred in a world where Xander would have dressed up as a soldier, eighteen months previously.

In any case, here and now Principal Snyder – the man responsible for that particular quirk of fate – stared up at the huge demon Wilkins had become in shock. "This...this is simply unacceptable!" Snyder ignored everything else going on around him as he added, "This is not orderly. This is not discipline!"

Olvikan screamed so loudly that the principal was sure he had just gone deaf. "You're on my campus, buddy! And when I say I want quiet, I want-"

Unfortunately, Snyder didn't get to finish his rant, as Olvikan leaned down and swallowed the obnoxious little man with just one gulp. ( _Well, gosh! That sure hit the spot!_ ) the pure demon thought to itself with a burp.

The battle raged on, as some of the students took up arms against the monster. There was battle a-plenty with the vampire and demon minions of Wilkins, until Buffy finally stood before Olvikan and said, "Hey, you! Yeah, Snake Boy, I'm talkin' to you. Just thought you'd like to know, I was the one who got my hands on the Books of Ascension a few weeks ago! I was also the one who planned this little surprise party for you. So you feel like doing anything about that – Dick?"

Olvikan roared, giving chase after the disagreeable little insect as the senior Slayer headed for the library. Eventually, Olvikan's enormous head arrived into the trap after Buffy jumped out one of the windows. And upon viewing what was present, the snake-like demon said in an inhuman voice, "Well, that was sneaky of them-"

Outside, Giles plunged down on the detonator with Buffy at his side, and a muffled 'whomph' noise was heard coming from the depths of the school.

That was just an instant before the fireball erupted, turning Sunnydale High into a flaming, charred ruin, sending a mushroom cloud high into the sky and splattering the immediate area with chunks of blackened and burnt Mayor meat.

Xander stared for a moment at the burning school; he had to admit that he certainly enjoyed blowing things up these days. Looking around, he saw that that it was basically all over except for the clean-up detail, as all the vampires very wisely ran for it.

When it was safe to do so, Faith sought out Xander. "You okay, stud?"

"Peachy with a side of keen," Harris shrugged, ignoring the nickname. "You?"

"I'll live. Still, a fight like that, I'm just about ready to pop like warm champagne. What do you say, one more for the road?" Faith smiled sexily at her ex-boyfriend, she knew that he'd been planning to leave town if they managed to survive the Mayor's ascension.

"Why not?" Xander smiled, he had already said his goodbyes to Giles, Willow and Buffy. In his opinion those three were secretly glad to see him go, as the friction between them had reached epic proportions ever since Halloween '97.

"My place or yours?" Faith asked, putting her arm around Xander's waist as they walked off. Neither saw Buffy stare sadly as Angel vanished into the fog, heading off for his own destiny in Los Angeles.

"Yours, of course," Xander said with a smirk. "Ya think my mom wants to hear that sort of thing in her house again? Hey, the fights she gets into with my dad about me being Non-College Guy are bad enough..."

"Watch it, boy toy. Or else I won't do that thing with my tongue that you like so much," Faith said warningly.

"Now that's blackmail! Ugh, women are evil," Harris muttered to himself, as not far away Willow and Oz started talking animatedly about what the future would bring for them.

***

**Downtown Los Angeles, California**

**May 22****nd****, 2003**

Faith the vampire Slayer had relocated south to the big city with her Watcher, ever since Buffy had been raised from the dead by Willow back in 2001. However, right now Faith was wishing that she had stayed on the Hellmouth, as she was being chased by a mob which the Chosen One had privately dubbed the "Jasmaniacs".

( _Sorry, Wes,_ ) Faith thought to herself painfully as she ran, thinking of the man whose body had been ripped apart by the fallen Power's minions not long ago. ( _I'm sorry I couldn't save you. But if it's any consolation, I'm gonna take out that mocha-coloured bitch who gave the order to kill you, if it's the last thing I ever do! _)

Suddenly, a motorcycle pulled to a stop beside her.

"Get on!" a vaguely familiar voice called out, and Faith's eyes went wide as she recognized the older features of Xander Harris. So without hesitation she climbed aboard, and the Harley-Davidson roared away.

"Xander?" Faith asked, still not sure if she was hallucinating. "Is that you?"

"In the flesh, Faith," Harris sent her a quick grin. "Long time no see, huh?"

"I'll say," Miss Lehane grimaced. "Thanks for the save, pal, I owe ya one-"

"I'll just take it off all the times you saved me back in the old days," he replied. "Okay, I think we lost 'em..." Xander eventually pulled over, parked and turned to look at his former girlfriend as she got off the bike. "Now what the hell's going on this city? I was in Las Vegas the other day, and all of a sudden, I see everyone fall to their knees when some demon with a maggot-infested face shows up on national TV!"

"You didn't fall under Jasmine's spell? How'd you pull that off?" Faith wanted to know.

"Uh, I'm not sure, but it's probably 'cause I drank from the Holy Grail a while back," Xander said with a shrug.

"You WHAT?"

Looking around and making sure that the street was deserted, Xander launched into a detailed explanation. "It all started after Graduation..."

He spoke of how after leaving Sunnydale back in 1999, he had gone on a road trip around America on his motorbike. He had eventually run into his grandfather's half-sister, the younger daughter of Henry Jones junior; and the old woman had let Xander peruse her father's journals. To his shock, Harris had read of his great-grandfather's account of a journey to find the cup of Christ in the former republic of Hatay – along with Xander's great-great-grandfather, Henry Jones senior. It had been enough to spur the former Slayerette into getting a passport and heading for Turkey, as soon as possible.

"It took me a while to find the place, and convince the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword to let me pass through their little gauntlet. This guy, Kemal, who was like the grandson of the man my great-grandfather knew, Kazim? He wasn't exactly fond of Westerners," Xander shrugged. "But after I lived amongst him and his people for over a year, he relented on the condition that I swear I wouldn't try to remove the Grail from its resting place. No problem, I said, so he takes me to the temple; and after I got through all the traps, I find this knight who's been the guardian of the Grail for nearly 800 years-"

"Say WHAT?" Faith interrupted, still finding it hard to believe that her former lover wasn't selling her a boatload of fertilizer.

"Yeah, no fooling. That old man said I reminded him of my great-grandfather; which wasn't exactly a point in my favour, as it took him a while to find the Grail again in that ravine back in 1938," Xander shook his head for a moment. "Anyway, the knight also told me that if I wanted to follow in my great-grandfather's footsteps, I had to 'choose wisely'. So after I figured out which Grail was the real one, I had to make a choice; become immortal and take over the knight's job in the temple, or else just take a drink from the Grail and leave. Obviously, you can guess which one I decided on."

"Holy moley," Faith stammered, finally starting to believe. "You actually drank from the honest-to-God Holy Grail? What was that like?"

"Calm. Soothing. Like for just a few moments, God was telling me everything was gonna be okay somehow," Xander confessed. "Anyway, eventually I came back home to the States. So, ya mind telling me what's been going on here in the City of Angels?"

Faith obliged, starting at the beginning – with the birth of the miracle child named Connor, the human son of two vampires. Namely, Angel and Darla. Ignoring Xander's stunned look Faith went on to describe the huge rock-like demon known as The Beast, which had wreaked havoc in the city under the orders of its master – something that had been hiding in the body of Xander's former classmate Cordelia Chase, until it had managed to seduce Connor in order to birth itself into a brand new vessel, which had been named Jasmine.

"For a while there, we all thought she was like the Second Coming," Faith confessed, coming to the end of her tale. "But then this girl Fred, who works for Angel – she saw the truth when some of Jasmine's blood mixed with hers. She later figured out a way to free the rest of her friends from the evil mojo, which at the time included me and Wes. Ever since then, we've been trying to find a way to stop that thing-"

"We? You mean you're working with Angel?" Xander interrupted.

"Any port in a storm, boy toy," Faith said reprovingly. "Wes and I had the same goal as him and his friends, so we figured why not join forces? Unfortunately, though, we got ambushed before Angel disappeared through this portal in order to find what we needed. I was the only one who made it out, and I probably would have ended up hamburger too, if you hadn't come along. So, that's the situation..."

Xander and Faith talked some more, and finally came up with a plan of action.

***

**The Hyperion Hotel, Los Angeles, California**

**May 23****rd****, 2003**

Jasmine walked out into the hotel lobby with a huge smile on her face. The fallen Power had the feeling that she was on top of the world, as centuries of planning were now finally coming to fruition, as she gestured to her kneeling worshippers.

"Please. Please, everyone stand. This is a moment to cherish, and I want everyone to share it with me, heads held high. Welcome. And to all those people of this remarkable world who are meeting me for the first time..." Jasmine blew a kiss to the crowd, "Mmwah. I want to thank you for allowing me to speak with you. Now, I come to you not as a leader or divinity, but as your partner in a venture to make this the best of all possible worlds – without borders, without hunger, war, or misery. A world built on love, respect, understanding, and, well, just enjoying one another's company. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" the crowd applauded, as Jasmine started to take over the planet thanks to her presence being beamed world-wide via satellite.

"Now I know you have lots of important questions for me – difficult questions – and I want you to know everything, so I'm going to open up the floor," Jasmine added after the applause died down. "Yes?" she pointed to a male reporter.

"Uh, excuse me, Jasmine. But what can we do to show our love for you?" the guy asked breathlessly.

"You don't have to do anything except love one another," the Power That Was smiled broadly. "Although a temple would be nice. Something massive and awe-inspiring, yet warm and nurturing, celebrating the gentle pleasures of a peaceful, precious coexistence where violent behave-"

The crowd gasped as bright blue lightning suddenly erupted in the centre of the lobby. A portal opened up and Angel stepped out of it, holding a blue orb in one hand and a dead demon's head in the other.

Jasmine instantly knew that Angel had somehow attained the unattainable, that the dead demon was the Keeper of the Name; that if it was allowed to speak Jasmine's true name with its last breath, her spell over the human world would instantly be broken. So she shouted, "Kill him! All of you, kill him now!"

The crowd mobbed Angel angrily, but he held out the head threateningly, and despite Jasmine's will overriding theirs they backed away at once.

"Don't!!" Jasmine yelled desperately.

Too late. Discarding the orb, Angel took out a knife and cut the threads that held the Keeper's lips closed. A sound escaped its mouth, which sounded like a long, whistling breath.

As soon as the Keeper had uttered her true name, Jasmine's face started glowing green. Her spell to hide her true appearance began to falter, and her decaying, putrid visage was suddenly seen by everyone, world-wide.

All over the planet, people began to panic and scream as they were cut off from what felt like a euphoric, addictive drug.

"No!" Jasmine shouted. The damned creature glowed white for a moment, improving her appearance slightly so that now Jasmine's face appeared badly scarred – but at least the maggots were gone. "Please. Pay no attention. It's all a lie. See? I, I'm not..." Unfortunately for her, just about everyone left the room in a panic, screaming. "Wait! Please! Don't leave me!"

"Forget it, Jas-been. It's over, and you lost," Faith said belligerently, as she and Xander walked over towards the former Power. The Slayer and Harris were amazed that Angel's plan had actually worked, but Faith wasn't focusing on that right now. "You've killed a lot of people lately, but now it's MY turn!"

"Faith, don't you understand?" Jasmine said desperately. "I could've stopped it, all of it. War, disease, poverty. How many precious, beautiful lives would've been saved in a handful of years? Yes, I murdered thousands to save billions. But this world is doomed to drown in its own blood now!"

"So the answer was to take away freedom of choice, human free will?" Angel said, as he came up alongside his Slayer friend, limping. "No. The price for your kind of world peace was too high, Jasmine. Our fate has to be our own, or we're nothing."

"Go away, Angel. You've ruined everything! Leave me alone!" Jasmine shouted, as she began to turn away.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? I told you that we ain't done here yet, not by a long shot!!" Faith shouted, as she went on the attack.

Unfortunately, all her punches and kicks and attempted staking meant nothing, as Jasmine hadn't lost all her powers.

"I was forged in the inferno of creation, Faith. Did you really think a pointy stick and a few Slayer-strength thumps would be enough to hurt me?" the would-be goddess asked. She then batted the brunette Slayer away, and quickly decked Angel with one punch.

Jasmine said to the vampire, "Remember the prophecy, Angel? The one you learned about after I brought you back from Hell? The one that said that in the time of the apocalypse, you'd play a major part? Remember how you never knew whether you'd be on the side of good or evil? Well, now you know. Thanks to you, this frail little Power That Was has just enough strength left in her to wipe out the entire human species. And before I rip out your heart, I want you to know; it's all thanks to you why that's gonna happen."

"I don't think so."

Irritated, Jasmine turned around to face the human nothing that had been standing alongside the two Champions. She had barely even acknowledged his existence a few moments ago, and his opening his mouth right now just annoyed her. "Whoever you are, I'll deal with you later-"

"Stay back!" Faith grabbed Angel and pulled him out of the way, much to his surprise.

"Probably a smart idea," the former Scooby agreed. ( _Not that I care all that much either way, but right now, I've got other fish to fry_. )

So saying, Xander raised his super-soaker – filled with water that had been poured out of the Holy Grail itself – and opened fire at the enemy.

The results were even more extraordinary than what had happened with the Keeper just a few moments ago. The holy water burned through Jasmine's face like super-concentrated acid; and the constant stream of blessed liquid simply melted Jasmine's rotted head into nothingness, as the headless corpse collapsed to the floor of the hotel.

"How did you...?" Angel stared at Xander in amazement, now that it was all over and the world was saved yet again.

"Later," Xander said curtly, as he headed towards the front doors of the hotel and both his supernatural companions began to follow him. "As soon as we find Cordelia and wake her up from her coma, I promise I'll answer all your questions."

Angel finally felt the first stirrings of relief, as a new beginning had just dawned in the City of Angels.

***

Next: Story 21 - Nobleman: Halloween costume switch # 1


	21. Nobleman: Halloween costume switch 1

**Date written**: Wed 21 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Greetings and salutations, and thank you everyone who's been in touch lately! This series has now made it past one hundred reviews, so my most humble thanks to all concerned; The Doctor and lordofreviews, thank you for the ideas regarding a Predator and Dexter, I will keep them in mind. Rambo's already been done though, I believe, there's a story on TtH called Xanbo? Anyway, the next three stories are going to be a variation of a theme; what would happen if the Scooby Gang members dressed up in the 'wrong' costumes. So instead of a soldier, we're talking about taking Buffy's place and being a nobleman in this AU. I know it's not exactly what we discussed, one-village-idiot, but would you be willing to settle for a nobleman instead of a king? :)

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 21: Nobleman: Halloween costume switch # 1

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Tonight was a very special night, as everyone who was anyone in the higher realms knew. The Roman god Janus had issued forth his power through one of his earthly vassals, and according to the original cosmic design – the web of destiny woven from the very first moment of creation – a number of people were fated to become a specific Halloween costume persona tonight.

All the members of the so-called Scooby Gang had a destiny to fulfil, and so for a few hours the plan was that they would become whoever they had dressed up as. Xander Harris was destined to become a soldier, Willow Rosenberg a ghost, and Buffy Summers a noblewoman.

The girl named Cordelia Chase, on the other hand, was fated to stay the normal member of the group: the focal point through which Buffy's Watcher Rupert Giles would eventually figure out what was happening with Ethan Rayne's spell, and finally stop the servant of Janus from raising chaos upon the living earth.

Unfortunately, however, sometimes things go wrong if the higher beings screw up; destinies can shift and change as a result of botched 'paperwork' in paradise. So tonight, Xander had become the nobleman; Willow the cat; Buffy the ghost, and Cordelia the soldier.

That was why the soul of a middle-aged Irishman, who'd also been a member of the minor Galway nobility during the 18th century, looked around as soon as he woke up in Xander's body and his jaw almost dropped to street level. After spying a multitude of mini-demons running amok, Connor O'Reilly quickly crossed himself and thought, ( _Our Father who art in Heaven, I pray ye, give me yer protection! Have I been sent to Hell? _)

"Xander! Xander!"

The name meant nothing to the nobleman, as he turned around to see a blonde girl of roughly ten and seven years of age run towards him. She was dressed like a whore to the Irishman's way of thinking, one of the loose women he'd seen loitering in the streets of Galway to peddle their own flesh at night.

"What do ye want, ye wanton harlot? You'll not get yer hands on my purse, I'll tell you that right now!" Connor stated roughly.

"What?" the Buffy ghost looked confused for a moment, before a look of anger crossed her features. "Hey, did you just call me a harlot? Xander, I am SO gonna make you regret saying that!!"

Miss Summers aimed at his stomach with a Slayer-strength punch, but since she was a ghost, the blow did nothing but give the 18th century man a taste of ectoplasm.

"A GHOST!" O'Reilly yelled out, scrabbling in his pockets for a weapon of any sort – and to his great relief, finding a crucifix. He held it up at the apparition and said, "Get back, in the name of the Lord! Dead o' alive, I have no business with yer kind!"

"Damn it, Xander, knock it off!" Buffy fumed at her own helplessness to do anything but talk. "Look around you, something crazy is happening. I was dressed as a ghost for Halloween, and now I am a ghost. And you were supposed to be a nobleman, so now...oh, wait, you really have become a nobleman?"

Finally, the penny dropped in the Chosen One's mind as Buffy figured out why her friend was talking with a strange accent. "Uh, who are you exactly?"

"Halloween? Yer manner of speech is strange, lass – is it All Hallows' Eve yer speakin' of? And my name's Connor O'Reilly," the man possessing Xander tonight drew himself up and said proudly. Looking around again, the Irish guy then asked hesitantly, "Tell, me, ghost, is this Hell we're trapped in? For it surely cannot be Heaven..."

"Xander! Buffy!" Willow, who was dressed in a leopard-like cat outfit complete with whiskers, ears and a tail, suddenly joined the ghost and the nobleman. "Oh my God, what's going on? I only just managed to get away from a couple of kids who turned into demons a few seconds ago!"

"Are ye flesh or spirit? What...what manner of strange creature are ye?" O'Reilly looked astonished at the sight of the costumed redhead, barely able to believe his own eyes.

"Ignore him, Will, Xander's not thinking straight – he's been possessed by his Halloween costume like me. Uh, it's Mr. O'Reilly, right? Look, I'm Buffy Summers, and this is Willow Rosenberg. Now please, listen to me; this isn't Hell, okay? And you're not who you think you are – you're actually our friend Xander Harris, alright? It's his body that you're in right now. Tell me, what year do you think it is?"

"It was the year of our Lord 1753 when I...when I died," the Irishman frowned, not exactly happy to hear of the word 'possession'; which he considered to be the Devil's work. "Why do ye ask?"

"Well, um, have you heard of America? Uh, the New World? That's where we are right now – and this is the year 1997," Willow told him, as O'Reilly gaped at hearing that.

All of a sudden, a huge demon roared as it showed up out of nowhere; and so all three of them very wisely ran for it at once, picking up Buffy's corporeal vessel along the way.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

Connor O'Reilly tried not to sigh in relief, as the weight of Buffy's dead body – slight though it was – was finally able to be removed from his shoulders. Willow had assisted him in carrying it, which had lessened the load, until they had reached the Summers house; whereupon Miss Rosenberg had gotten the keys out and the Buffy ghost had led them inside.

"Aye, 'tis been a while since I've done anything like that. Now tell me, where are we?" the lone male of the group asked his companions.

"This is my house," Buffy replied, gesturing around. "Feel free to make yourself at home, Mr. O'Reilly. Will, I'm gonna keep an eye out at the front door; you call Giles at the library, tell him what's going on. Hopefully, he'll know what to do."

"A library? Uch, I don't understand – how do ye intend to contact this man from within the house? Lord knows 'twould be madness ta go out there again," the confused Irishman said in his thick brogue.

Willow went over to the telephone, wondering how on earth to explain how it worked to an 18th century person. She eventually just went with, "Um, we use this nowadays, it's called a phone. It's a, uh, magic talking thing..." Shrugging, she picked it up but there was no dial tone. "Buff, we got a problem – the phones are out!"

"Great," Miss Summers grumbled to herself. "All right, looks like I'm gonna have to head for the school in person. Willow, you stay here with Xa...uh, Mr. O'Reilly, and keep the doors locked, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can." With that, the female ghost simply vanished through the wall of the house.

"May the Lord preserve and defend us, but I'll not get used to that anytime soon," O'Reilly muttered. "Now I've some questions to ask, girl, and the first one is – why on earth are ye dressed like that fer All Hallows' Eve?"

Willow hesitated, looking at her cat outfit. But at that moment the ensouled vampire named Angel came in via the kitchen door. "Willow, Xander! I'm glad you guys are alright. It's total chaos out there..."

Both the computer whiz and the nobleman turned around, recognizing that particular voice. O'Reilly's eyes went wide as he instinctively shoved Willow behind him and withdrew his cross again. His face contorted into an expression of rage and fear, as he fought not to panic.

"YOU!!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Begone, unclean thing! Or I'll make ye pay fer what you did to my family!"

Angel growled softly, as the presence of the holy icon hurt even at this distance. "Willow, you mind telling him to back off?"

"Mr. O'Reilly, please stop, it's okay! Angel's a friend," Willow attempted to get him to lower his arm, but failed miserably as he shoved her away.

"Is that what ye call yerself now, ye murderer? Ta think ye'd defile yer little sister's memory that way! God knows, I should've drowned ye the day you were born. Ye think ye made somethin' of yerself, boy? A filthy demon instead of a scoundrel and layabout, 'tis hardly what I'd call an improvement!" O'Reilly shouted, anger winning over fear as he advanced forward with the cross.

Angel's eyes were as wide as saucers despite the pain, as he recoiled backwards. The soul-cursed Champion finally made the right connection in his mind and said, "Father? Is, is that you? No, it can't be, that's impossible!"

"Foul monster, what are ye up to now?" Angel's father, who had possessed Xander tonight, seemed a little confused at his undead son's actions as he slowed down and then stopped his advance. "Ye hafta know that yer tricks won't work twice, not after ye killed us all that way!"

Willow, unnoticed in the background, just stood firmly rooted in place as it all washed over her and she finally understood the current situation. ( _Oh, boy. What do I do? Mom and dad always told me to never get involved in a family fight if I don't have to...so maybe I should just keep my mouth shut? Yeah, for now, anyway._ )

"Father...it's me, Liam," Angel said softly, using his old human name and startling the angry spirit possessing Xander. "Please, you've got to believe me! I mean...yes, I'm still a vampire, but my soul was restored a hundred years ago by some gypsies. So I, I'm no longer the soulless thing who slaughtered you and everyone else back then. I'm not – wait, I don't understand – how is it that you're here? And possessing Xander's body, of all things?"

"Um, Angel? A lot of people have turned into their Halloween costumes tonight. Well, not me, obviously," Willow shrugged, gesturing at herself and the skin-tight costume she'd obtained from Partytown. "But Buffy got turned into a ghost, and, and Xander got turned into...your dad?"

"Unbelievable," Angel shook his head slowly, as he saw Buffy's body on the couch and went over to examine it. When he finally raised his head, Angel saw the man controlling Xander's face and form glaring at him. "Look, Father, I don't know what to say to you. Not after all this time..."

"Liam? Is that actually you, boy?" O'Reilly's voice was still full of anger, but now it was also tinged with suspicion and apprehension. "Are ye truly the son I was ashamed of, nearly all my life?"

"Ye gods, Father, but you obviously haven't changed at all," Angel shook his head again, this time in annoyance. "And yes, it's me! I mean – everything that Liam was, I still am. That's why I have to live with the guilt of what happened to you and Mother and Kathy and Anna for the rest of eternity, even though my demon feels no remorse for its actions that night. I swear, Father, you have no idea how it feels to remember all the crimes that Angelus committed as if I did them myself, having to remember – and to have a conscience about it-"

"A conscience? You?!" O'Reilly interrupted, lowering the cross as he FINALLY became a true believer. "May the Lord forgive me, but when did ye ever possess a conscience, boy? Ye think I've forgotten how many barmaids ye forced yerself on? How many married women's reputations ye ruined? How many bastard children ye must have sired? I had to live with the stink of yer debauchery soiling our family's good name fer all those years, and now ye tell me you've developed a conscience!?" he bellowed.

"Hey! Angel's helped us a lot over the past year or so," Willow spoke up, unable to remain quiet any longer as both father and son turned to face her. She was shocked at hearing the words coming out of Xander's mouth, and decided she had to speak up. "I mean, Angel saved us all from getting gassed to death one night! He helped save Buffy's life when she was drowned by the Master, and, and he helped saved a lot of lives during Parent-Teacher Night, and if he's your son, mister, couldn't you be just a bit more supportive?!"

"Willow, please," Angel said as gently as possible as O'Reilly glowered at her. "It's best if you just stay out of this, okay? My father's not...well, let's just say women's liberation didn't even exist as a concept back in his time, so he's a lot less tolerant of girls speaking their minds than most guys these days."

"What's this 'women's liberation' yer speaking about, Liam?" Angel's father asked in confusion, as Willow looked annoyed at being talked down to that way.

"Never mind, Father," Angel shook his head for the third time. "Besides, you'd never believe me, even if I told you. This world has changed too much over the past two and a half centuries for the likes of yourself to ever understand or accept it."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" the Irishman demanded at once, disliking his son's tone – plus the fact that Angel no longer spoke with his old Galway accent. It was an uncomfortable reminder that this wasn't O'Reilly's time any longer, and that he was just a phantom briefly possessing the flesh of the living.

As Willow tried her best to explain, Angel tried more than once to say what he had wanted to say ever since 1898...but he simply couldn't force himself to say the words, "I'm sorry". His mouth just refused to obey his brain, no matter how much the ensouled vampire tried to apologize to the middle-aged man currently possessing the one and only Xander Harris.

***

**Angel's basement apartment, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Angel opened the door after hearing the loud and insistent knocking. He wasn't expecting visitors this morning, not after all the events of last night. He opened up, and then Angel frowned as he saw who was standing outside.

"Xander? Uh, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Need to talk you," the boy said, looking like he hadn't slept all night. Xander came in, and looked his host directly in the eye. "I can – I can still remember everything. EVERYTHING, Liam."

"Don't call me that. It's not who I am anymore," Angel rasped in annoyance, despite his own words the previous night.

"You think I care about THAT?" Xander replied, looking wild-eyed and hyped up on drugs, almost. "Liam or Angel or whatever you wanna call yourself, I can still remember your father's life as if I lived it all myself! I can...I can..."

"Sit down, Xander," the ensouled vampire ordered him, before he abruptly turned away and grabbed some glasses and a bottle of Irish whiskey. "Try to relax, and have a sip of this."

Xander quickly grabbed the alcohol and poured it down his throat, instantly starting to choke and cough. "Geez..."

"I said SIP it, not guzzle it down like that!" Angel said roughly. "Now take a deep breath, and tell me why you're here."

"I already told you," Harris replied once he was coherent again. "I can remember everything about your father's life, details that I'm sure not even YOU know about; and I had to speak about it with somebody before I went completely nuts. I can remember your sister, Kathy, like she was my daughter. I can remember your mom as my wife, I can remember you as my son...something which, I shouldn't need to point out, is MAJORLY weirding me out!!"

"Xander, calm down. They're just memories, the remnants of that spell Buffy told us about after she woke up last night," Angel informed him. "I know a bit about magic, so I'm pretty sure they'll fade in time. You'll just have to ride it out until that happens."

"That's easy for you to say," Harris muttered, as he put down the glass and both he and Angel got up from the table. "I can remember you – or the evil demon wearing your face, anyway – killing me and everyone else back then. Good Godfrey Cambridge, but you and Darla massacred almost the entire population of Galway! I knew you'd gotten some major neck in your day, but I never even imagined anything like THAT!"

"Yeah, well, there was a reason why Angelus was known as the Scourge of Europe back then. It wasn't just because of his good looks and his way with women," Angel shrugged.

Xander began pacing around. "I don't know how to deal with this," he finally admitted. "No offence, but your dad is not who I want to grow up to become. He may have loved you and Kathy more than anything, but my opinion, he had a lousy way of showing it!"

"What? What are you talking about?" Angel looked confused.

"He never said it, but he loved you – well, Liam, anyway, despite all the harsh words and the occasional beating back in the 18th century," Xander glanced sideways at his undead companion.

"After the funeral he stayed by your grave for hours, did you know that? He sent Kathy and your mom home, but he stood there, aching feet and all, wondering just what he could have done different. He knew you hated him, and he was ashamed of and disgusted by you, but deep down he still had a father's love for his son." Harris shook his head, slowly. "When you killed your sire Darla in the Bronze, a few months ago? I privately celebrated the fact that Jesse's murder had finally been avenged. Your dad celebrated the same way regarding Liam's death, after Willow mentioned that little tidbit last night."

Angel was looking as if someone could just knock him over with a feather. "He did?"

"Yeah. No fooling, I wouldn't lie to you about something like that," Xander promised him simply.

"I...I wanted to tell him that I was sorry," the vampire abruptly confessed, unable to look Xander in the eye as he said that. "That night, what Angelus did to him...and the rest of my family..."

"He knew," Xander said, causing Angel to look up. "He was your father – of course he knew how you felt. Well, once the guy let himself believe that you were really his son, anyway. I can remember him figuring out that you were sorry from the look on your face, and he appreciated that."

"But...?" Angel pressed the young man. It was very disturbing to him how there was an expression on Xander's face that was almost identical to Connor O'Reilly's, whenever the old man had something on his mind that he couldn't quite force himself to say.

"Uh, your dad didn't appreciate the whole you and Buffy thing after Willow brought it up, he...he thought you were being a cradle-robbing idiot for chasing after somebody he considered to be a child. And personally speaking? I am SO confused right now by thinking of Buffy as a little kid, you wouldn't believe how much I wanna repress about that," Xander confessed painfully.

Angel wasn't sure whether to believe it, but it didn't really matter. However much he tried not to love the blonde Slayer, it was impossible for the vampire to avoid doing so. As far as Angel was concerned, Buffy was his soul mate; and what they had together was what his father would have called _amnchara_ in the old tongue, a perfect balance between two people of different but complementing natures.

There was no way the ensouled vampire could envisage ever breaking up with Miss Summers, so Angel decided to simply ignore his father's opinions as best as he could.

***

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**January 18****th****, 1998**

Xander entered his bedroom and started taking off his clothes, getting ready for bed. Hs life had gotten pretty unusual over the last four months. For example, Xander had retained some 18th century habits ever since Halloween, like opening doors for the ladies and moving their chairs for them before they sat down.

That had briefly attracted the approving attention of Ted Buchanan, the serial killer robot boyfriend of Joyce Summers, before the machine had gone completely homicidal and Xander had helped defend Buffy against accusations of murder. Later on, Xander had had an interesting encounter with the pre-prehistoric demons known as the Bezoars. That was roughly about the time two redneck vampires named Lyle and Tector Gorch had come to town and caused quite a bit of grief, before ending up twin piles of dust.

But the strangest thing, at least to young Mr. Harris, was how he had stumbled his way into a relationship with Cordelia Chase – after that brunette had become G.I. Jane during Halloween last year.

Xander had recovered from thinking of people his own age as children by that point, and Cordy had likewise recovered from being Lt. Jordan O'Neil for one night. To be honest Harris wasn't sure what it was exactly that he and the Sunnydale High beauty queen had together these days, apart from fooling around in that broom closet.

Maybe it was just tawdry teen lust, but judging by some of the things she'd said and done lately, it was possible the cheerleader had developed real feelings for him. Xander simply wasn't certain, one way or the other.

What his own feelings were, Harris didn't know that for sure either. He was basically a hormonal 17-year-old guy despite Connor O'Reilly's memories, so when Cordelia had shoved her tongue down his throat in Buffy's basement that day Xander hadn't rejected her – despite the gut feeling that their behaviour was highly inappropriate without him at least putting a claddagh ring on Miss Chase's finger.

But it had raised the question, just how was he going to explain what he'd done to Willow? His – Xander didn't want to use the word 'girlfriend', at least not yet – had committed so many cruel and painful acts against Miss Rosenberg ever since all three of them were in kindergarten, that Xander had lost count years ago. And even though Cordy was playing relatively nice with Willow and Buffy these days for his sake, Harris knew it wouldn't take much for her to revert to the bitchy ice queen persona.

Queen C took crap from no one, after all.

Clad in nothing but his boxer shorts, Xander climbed into bed and quickly fell asleep. He had school in the morning, and couldn't afford to snooze his way through classes anymore.

Especially not Computer Science class with Ms. Calendar.

***

**Sunnydale High School Computer Lab, Sunnydale, California **

**January 19****th****, 1998**

Jenny Calendar had a lot on her mind that afternoon at school, not the least of which was the lie she had been spoon-feeding her friends and the man she loved for nine months now. Which wasn't exactly something she was proud of.

( _Well, what exactly am I supposed to say to him at this point?_ ) she wondered to herself. ( _Sorry, but everything you know about me is a fabricated fairy tale? Damn it! I should have just told Rupert the truth ages ago!_ )

"Jenny Calendar."

The dark-haired woman turned around, very surprised to hear that voice. "Oh! You startled me."

"You look well."

Jenny stared at the man facing her. He wore a dark suit and a hat, looking to be of distinctly East European origin, which was echoed by his accent. She said, "Yes, I'm fine. I know I haven't written as much lately. I've been busy-"

"Busy with what? I cannot imagine what is so important to make you ignore the responsibility you have to your people."

Jenny sighed, as she'd been afraid of this happening. "I've been trying to-"

The gypsy interrupted her, "The elder woman has been reading the signs and portents. She says something is different."

Jenny shook her head. "Nothing has changed, as far as I know. The curse still holds, I've seen it for myself."

Enyos refused to let himself be mollified by that. "The elder woman is never wrong. She says the vampire's pain is lessening. She can feel it."

The undercover spy was tempted to mention that this was probably due to Buffy's presence, but decided not to for the moment. She replied, "If you say so, but I promise you that Angel still suffers. And he even attempts to make amends here for his past acts of evil, I've witnessed it first-hand," Jenny insisted.

"So you just forget that he destroyed the most beloved daughter of your tribe?! Vengeance demands that his pain be eternal as ours is! If the vampire experiences even one MOMENT of happiness, then that is one moment too much!" Enyos roared.

"I'm sorry, I thought..." Jenny started to say.

"You thought what?! You thought you are Jenny Calendar now?! You are still Janna, of the Kalderash people! A gypsy," Enyos glared at his niece.

Jenny sighed, "I know, uncle. I know."

"But the rest of us sure as hell didn't, huh?"

Both gypsies instantly turned around to see Xander staring from the door to the classroom. Neither of them looked happy to see him, but if that affected Xander, there was no sign of it on his face as he entered the room.

"Piece of advice, people: if you don't want the neighbours to overhear your family's dirty laundry, always shut the doors and windows. Even people in the 18th century knew that," the young man said simply.

"This has nothing to do with you, boy, leave at once or else-" Enyos started to snarl out.

"Or else what, exactly?" Xander interrupted, unfazed by the warning. Ever since Halloween he had started to think of humans as a lesser threat than vampires, because generally speaking it was almost impossible to be more scared of a human bully than a mass-murderer vampire. "Just what kind of authority do you think you have around here, pal? 'Cause I'm thinking, none at all."

Enyos looked ready to spit bullets at being talked to this way. "You know nothing-"

"Oh, I'm thinkin' I know plenty. I mean Calendar, Kalderash. Didn't change the name much, did you? My guess is you probably thought you didn't need to. Guys like you, you think you're completely in control of the situation – right up until the last moment where a vamp sinks its fangs into your throat," Xander glared at Enyos.

Goaded beyond endurance, the male gypsy withdrew a knife and started to head towards the Slayerette. Jenny immediately screamed, "NO! Uncle, put that down at once, I beg of you. Xander here is a friend to both the Slayer and Angel, you don't understand what the consequences will be if you kill him!"

The man paused, staring at his target, and then he reluctantly put away his weapon. "Consider yourself lucky, impudent gadje," Enyos snarled. "Now leave and say nothing of this to anyone."

"You've GOT to be kidding me," Xander snorted, knowing what the pejorative slang term meant and not appreciating being called that. "Why the hell should I?"

"I assume that you overheard most, if not all, of the conversation with my niece. Did you think it was for nothing I told her that the beast must never know even one moment of happiness?" Enyos turned to Jenny, sensing her confusion. "The curse, Janna. The vampire is meant to suffer. One moment of true happiness, of contentment, one moment where the soul that we restored no longer plagues his thoughts – and the curse is broken, the soul taken from him."

"WHAT?" Jenny cried. "Why didn't I know about this?"

"Wait a minute. You're saying that Angel could lose his soul and go evil at any second? No way, I don't believe you," Xander stated, shaking his head. He still had nightmares about Angelus going on a killing spree like he'd done back in 1753, and the young man didn't want to think about what might happen if the curse was ever broken.

"Whatever you believe or disbelieve is irrelevant, gadje," Enyos growled.

The young man's eyes went wide. "Oh, crap, you're actually serious! Wait, hang on, does Angel know about any of this?"

A moment later, Xander knew the answer. "Oh, NO..."

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

"I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT!" Buffy's angry voice thundered within the empty nightclub.

Giles looked helplessly at Jenny and her uncle, and then at Angel standing not far away. He had suffered through one hell of a number of shocks today, including learning that the woman he loved and wanted to marry was a spy who had lied to him about just about everything. But the Watcher had known that all that would be practically nothing, in comparison to telling the truth to Buffy tonight.

"Foolish little girl. You're supposed to kill vampires, not fall in love with them. No wonder you've weakened his curse," Enyos sneered at Buffy. He had surrendered to the suggestion of a meeting with everyone, not long after having learned from Jenny that the Slayer's presence in Angel's unlife was most likely the reason why the vampire's pain was lessening.

Everyone either winced or stared at the gypsy with pure dislike for the overly harsh words, and Miss Summers would have charged towards Enyos to knock his teeth out; but luckily for him, Angel restrained her just in the nick of time.

"Buffy, don't," the vampire said simply.

"Well, why shouldn't I? After all the lies he's been telling everyone?" Buffy's voice now had a desperate edge to it.

"Because it's not a lie, Buff," Xander told her, Cordelia standing close to his side and staring at Angel suspiciously like the Navy SeAL she had once been. "Come on, think about it. You honestly believe that Giles wouldn't have triple-checked everything before spilling the beans tonight, just to be absolutely sure? He even did a truth spell earlier on today, and both Ms. Calendar and her uncle passed with flying colours already. It's all true, I promise ya."

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Buffy stubbornly insisted. She didn't want to believe it, didn't want to think about what the implications of all this would mean. "I mean, why do such a stupid curse like that, what good is it supposed to do anybody?"

Jenny stepped forward. "Buffy, Angelus was punished for his actions a hundred years ago because he had gleefully murdered the favourite daughter of the tribe. Can you understand that? At the time, those people weren't concerned about helping anyone; they just wanted to avenge the death of an innocent in the most painful and horrible way they could think of. The soul restoration ritual was done for revenge, that's all. Because that was the Romany way then, just as it is now."

"Oh my God," Willow said, looking horrified from all the recent revelations even as Buffy glared at the gypsy woman with all her might. All this was reminding Miss Rosenberg way too much of Halloween last year, when she'd heard a lot of things from Angel's father which had shattered her illusions regarding the handsome man her best friend had lost her heart to.

"I gotta second that," the blue-haired guy named Oz said, thinking this had to be the most unique first date he had ever gone on. Even though, to his mind, the truths regarding vampires and demons he had learned about this evening certainly explained a lot about the old home town.

Angel moved closer so that he stood alongside his girlfriend. "So what happens now? What do you intend to do next?" he asked Jenny, deliberately ignoring Enyos.

"Well, personally, nothing," Jenny darted a glance at everyone, especially her uncle. "I mean it's your life, Angel. I guess now that we all know the truth, what happens next is totally up to you."

"You'd like to kill me, wouldn't you?" Angel finally addressed Enyos directly. "You of all people would know just how badly Angelus wants his own vengeance for what happened back then. And now there's a chance he can get loose? I end up dust, and the threat potential is over once and for all."

"No. As far as I'm concerned that would be too an easy an escape, to send the demon to Hell and release the soul back to where it belongs in the afterlife. I just want you to suffer, like all the beast's victims have suffered," Enyos spat out. "If I could, I would make the curse permanent to ensure this – but I can't." He hesitated for less than a moment. "Not even the oldest of the Kalderash have such knowledge."

As if in terrible pain, the ensouled vampire bent his head and turned towards the door of the club. "Figured as much."

Buffy couldn't let him leave just like that and cried out, "Angel, wait! Don't go, please. We can, we can sort this out. We can-"

Angel cut her off, albeit as gently as he could. "Buffy, you heard the man. No matter how you try to paint it, I'm a clear and present danger to you and everybody else in Sunnydale. So there's no 'we', no 'us'. There can't be, not anymore."

The vampire then thought to himself privately, ( _Congratulations, Father. It seems you actually managed to prove yourself right for once, after all!_ ) It was a deeply bitter feeling for him to know that the old man had been right and he had been wrong, but there was no point in denying the obvious.

Angel came back and kissed his now ex-girlfriend with all the passion he could muster, uncaring of the people watching. He then pulled away and whispered, "I'm sorry. I love you."

Then the ensouled vampire quickly exited the Bronze without another word.

Xander watched Buffy start to cry her eyes out, and silently wondered for a moment whether he'd done the right thing today. Because all this was the worst kind of birthday present he could ever imagine giving her.

But then his resolve stiffened. Xander remembered that conversation with Angel in his apartment last year, and figured that the Slayer would simply have to make do with eventually finding someone else; he alone knew what Angelus was like up close and personal, thanks to his Halloween memories, and Xander also knew that there was NO WAY that soulless demon could ever be allowed to run free again.

***

**St. Matthew's Hospital, Los Angeles, California**

**November 30****th****, 2001**

Real life is never as simple as fairy tale happily-ever-after's, which simply did not exist. Having said that, though, Xander's life hadn't turned out too badly – well, all things considered anyway.

After Buffy's birthday, Angel had left town. Jenny Calendar had followed him, quitting her job and moving to LA, as was her duty; which meant her relationship with Giles was effectively over for good. Xander and Cordelia's relationship hadn't lasted too much longer either; she had given him up to satisfy the popular crowd's demands, and he'd become too much of a gentleman to ever carry out any foolish, love spell-based revenge that Valentine's Day.

Senior year had come and gone, as had the Chase family fortune when the IRS had investigated their tax fraud. Xander had heard that his ex-girlfriend had left town and enlisted in the military after ending up completely penniless, but he hadn't given it much thought at the time. He had been too focused on his cross-country road trip that he had been planning on embarking upon, right after high school graduation.

After making it as far as Oxnard, Xander had eventually arrived back in Sunnydale – the day after Buffy, Oz and Willow had started college. But who would have thought that the young man would eventually decide to move to Los Angeles, after months of directionless misery in the old home town? And who would have thought that Harris would end up encountering Angel, Jenny and the ex-Watcher named Wesley Wyndham-Pryce in LA? Or, upon having met Angel's Avengers, that the ensouled vampire would offer Harris a job with his detective agency? What were the odds that after accepting said job, Xander would witness the return of Darla – and eventually, the birth of Angel and Darla's human son?

"I wonder what's taking so long?" Jenny asked thoughtfully, as three-fifths of the Fang Gang hung around in the hospital waiting room.

"I don't know," the woman named Fred Burkle replied, who was the most recent addition to Angel Investigations. "But it can't be too much longer..."

Right on cue, a doctor and a nurse came in through the door carrying Angel's son. The M.D. said to Jenny, "Well, I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy."

"Thanks, but, uh, I'm not the mother," the gypsy woman said with a slight smirk, imagining what her Uncle Enyos would say if he were here right now.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the doctor apologized, before turning to Fred. "I'm happy to report that you have a healthy baby boy."

Fred gave him a rather sheepish look. "Uh, no. Me neither."

Wes spoke up, "I'm afraid the mother is, ah, no longer in the picture."

Which was a rather roundabout way of saying how Darla was now dust, having staked herself so that her baby would survive when it was time for him to be born. Still, there was no need to go into details that the medical staff would never believe in a million years.

"I see. Well, the baby's height and weight are in the ninety percentile range. We gave him his vitamin K and his PKU shots, and he's doing very well. Uh, but we don't seem to have his name?" the doctor asked, looking at his notes.

Angel came walking in, just in time to hear the question. "Connor. My son's name is Connor." He had decided upon that name after a long conversation with Xander on the subject, wanting to honour his father's memory at last.

"Ah, right. Thank you, Mister..." he looked down at the papers again, "Angel. And congratulations on a healthy baby boy."

As the nurse handed Connor over to him, the undead dad said, "Thanks." Then as the two medical people quickly left, Angel smiled down at Connor. "Hey there..." Then he looked up to face his crew. "Uh, Mr. Angel?"

Fred nodded. "Your first name is Geraldo."

Jenny shrugged in response to the vampire's look. "Well, we had to tell them something."

Fred added, "Geraldo Angel. You're a pet psychiatrist with a small practice in Pacoima. Well, not really; we just told them the name, the rest is only me having a little fun!" she giggled.

The double doors behind them opened up and Xander came in pushing an empty stroller. "Hey, guys. I got us the best one that money – well, a very small amount of money – could buy!"

Angel handed Connor over to Xander, who put him into the stroller.

"Hey there, little guy. Yeah, Connor, you wanna go for a ride? Oh, I bet you do..." Harris babbled a little; he didn't have much experience with babies, but he had already lost his heart to this one – thanks to almost getting killed defending Connor from the forces of evil.

Fred looked around at everyone else. "We should go back to the hotel, huh? Put little Connor to bed, 'cause he's had a long day."

Ms. Burkle wasn't kidding either; Connor had been the subject of an attempted kidnapping earlier this evening, before his dad had lured the bad guys into a mineshaft and blown them all up. So as soon as Angel nodded his approval, the Fang Gang prepared to depart.

"Good idea. By the way, Xander, nice stroller," said the gypsy woman, rubbing her head a little. These days she often received very painful visions from the PTBs, as she had become Angel's seer after the half-demon named Doyle had died two years ago.

Xander just nodded to his former teacher. "I aim to please."

"Shall we go?" Wesley asked, holding his arm out to Fred.

They all walked out of the waiting room side by side, Fred and Wes on the left, Jenny and Xander on the right, and Angel pushing the stroller in the middle. None of them knowing what truly lay ahead, but nonetheless willing to face the uncertain future together.

An uncertain future which nonetheless had a better chance for Connor to have a normal life, than in many other parallel universes.

***

Next: Story 22 - Cat: Halloween costume switch # 2


	22. Cat: Halloween costume switch 2

**Date written**: Thu 22 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Hello, and welcome to the next part of the mini-theme thing. And mustn't forget, thanks as always to all who have read and reviewed so far! Thank you in particular, The Doctor, for your suggestions - I really do like the idea of No. 47, but he's been done before in a fanfic at the XanderZone (before the movie came out) and so has John Connor, I think that one's at TtH. As for the Predator idea, unfortunately, that's been done too - one of my beta readers informed me about that story, possibly at INAP, where in the end Xander sends a signal to the Yautja before he goes completely feral and then he leaves Earth with them for good - go figure. Anyway, onto this story - I was tempted to actually turn Xander into a real cat for this one, and Nodakskip has supplied a lot of scenarios over the years over what a puma or some other jungle cat would do to Sunnydale, after it was unleashed by the spell. But then I thought, if Xander's taking Cordelia's place in the grand scheme of things, then he's gotta do that all the way and be the 'normal' one for the night. Thus, I came up with this after watching one of the few BtVS season 7 episodes I actually enjoyed viewing, way back when!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 22: Cat: Halloween costume switch # 2

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

The forces of destiny had screwed up, and four very special teenagers had not dressed up in the Halloween outfits Fate had planned for them according to the original cosmic design. There were a number of higher beings who were very upset by this, but it was too late to do anything about it now; the power of the Roman god named Janus had already changed three of the four teens into their costumes, so basically the deed was done and not even they could rescind it.

Tonight, Xander Harris had dressed up as the Cat In The Hat, by Dr. Seuss. Buffy Summers had gone trick o' treating as the female soldier known as Private Benjamin, Willow Rosenberg had chosen an 18th century noblewoman gown as her costume, and Cordelia Chase had put on a white ghost outfit.

"You look ridiculous wearing that," Judy Benjamin said to Xander with a sardonic smirk, as he was wearing a gift costume that he'd gotten from the store known as Partytown. The former Slayer looked at the tall, red and white striped hat, the red bow tie, and the fake cat whiskers before she added, "What the heck should I call you, anyway? Oh, I know, how about the cat who looks fat?"

"Hey!" Xander yelped automatically, he was very sensitive about how the Halloween costume had given him a bigger waistline.

"I, I don't understand," Lady Willow was almost hyperventilating. "Where am I? Why is this woman dressed like a man, and carrying a musket...and why are you dressed as a feline?"

"I'll explain everything, but right now we gotta get off the streets!" Xander told her, grabbing the noblewoman's arm. "Buffy, follow me – and keep an eye out for any demons on our tail!"

The blonde fired off a few rounds from her automatic weapon, to scare off a couple of monsters that had gotten a bit too close for comfort. "The name's Judy Benjamin. And I just want you to know that when the time comes, that explanation had better be good..."

Xander didn't waste time on a reply; he just took off for 1630 Revello Drive, clutching Lady Willow's hand the entire time. Along the way, they ran into the Cordelia ghost, who ordered Xander to pick up Miss Chase's dead body and take it with them. Grumbling the whole time, Harris did so; and after they arrived at the Summers house, he sent Cordelia to the library to recruit the Watcher named Rupert Giles to solve tonight's little disturbance.

The ensouled vampire named Angel soon showed up at the house, and helped Xander keep an eye on the possessed women. At least until Giles finally figured out that his old 'friend' Ethan Rayne was the one responsible for the chaos spell, and the British man put an end to the whole nasty business. This involved almost beating Ethan to death, but then needs must as the devil drives – and Giles wasn't all that reluctant to resume his former 'Ripper' mindset.

After the evening was over, to the casual observer it might have seemed that there were no significant consequences thanks to the Halloween costume changes. Nothing of cosmic importance, anyway. After all, there had still been a soldier, a cat, a ghost, and a noblewoman despite the changed roles of the four teenagers involved.

But the butterfly effect can be funny like that; a tiny, almost miniscule bump in the road can later lead to your car breaking down in the midst of an emergency...

***

**UC Sunnydale, Sunnydale, California**

**October 14****th****, 2002**

Five years after that night of chaos, it was evident that the seeming-small variations in destiny had resulted in quite a far-reaching ripple effect, at least in terms of the life of Xander Harris.

Because he had never become a soldier that night, many things that should have happened to the young man simply didn't.

For example, during junior year Buffy had been the one to come up with the idea of using a rocket launcher against the Judge, instead of him. During senior year, the boy named Jonathan Levinson had been the one to stop the zombie named Jack O'Toole from blowing up the school, instead of him. During the freshman year of college, the man named Riley Finn had participated in the über-Slayer enjoining spell instead of him. The year after that, the vampire named Spike had been hit by the pherula gemina device of the demon Toth instead of him.

Granted, some things hadn't changed; like leaving his bride Anya Jenkins at the altar. And one VERY significant thing Xander had done was save the world when Willow had been ready to destroy it, during one of the worst apocalypse seasons ever a few months ago.

As Xander opened the door to a frat house where a mass murder had taken place recently, he saw his ex-fiancée touching the wall where blood had spattered it. He said to her, "I thought I might find you here. Have you forced yourself to look at the bodies yet?"

Anya, who had again become the vengeance demon Anyanka and who was responsible for the dozen or so corpses littering the frat house, just turned to stare at him. "What do you want?"

"I want to help you," Xander said as sincerely as he could to the woman, because he still loved her despite the demon makeover eight months ago; and he knew that she was no longer the man-hating evil – thing she had been for a thousand years.

Anyanka just sighed and turned away, thinking of her recent conversation with Willow. "Everyone is being so considerate today. Makes me think I should've started slaughtering people weeks ago."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. Everything I put you through," Xander said sadly, trying to reach through to her.

"Thank you, now I'm all better. Thank goodness you got here in time," the demoness said sarcastically.

"I don't think you understand, this isn't an intervention. Buffy's coming to kill you," Xander said desperately. Both he and Miss Summers had learned from Willow that Anyanka was the one who had unleashed that killer Grimslaw demon to grant a vengeance Wish. And less than ten seconds later, the Chosen One had decided that she had to slay the person responsible for the death of all those frat boys.

"She's coming to try," Anyanka scoffed at her ex's warning.

"What, did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today? You guys are friends. How can you talk like this?" Xander felt like his whole world was tearing apart.

"Because I have a job to do. And so does Buffy. Xander, I know you're just trying to help. But ever since you learned that I became a demon again – deep down, you must have known that it would come to this, sooner or later. Didn't you?" Anya asked as she hit him with her most direct stare.

Harris wanted to deny that with all his heart and soul, but just then Miss Summers arrived, sword in hand. "Buffy, get out of here!" he ordered her.

"Get out of my way, Xander." Buffy didn't even look at him, as whenever she went into Slay mode her embarrassingly normal friend almost literally became part of the furniture.

Anyanka went into her demon face, when it was obvious Harris had no intention of obeying Buffy's orders. She said angrily, "Get out of her way, Xander!" The vengeance demon then backhanded him aside, and Harris fell to the floor as the battle started.

Cut, slice, thrust, parry and then Buffy lunged at her opponent with the sword, even as Anyanka pushed her off. "I'm sorry it's come to this, Anya."

"You're apologizing to me? What fight are you taking part in? Or is this like one of your little pop-culture references I don't get, 'cause I'm a vengeance-"

At that moment, Buffy lunged forward again and stabbed the demon woman directly in the heart with her sword. The Slayer was moving on pure instinct as the weapon rammed its way through Anyanka's chest, and her adversary's voice was cut off at once in a gasp of pain.

Xander finally regained consciousness and looking up from the floor, he saw his ex's current condition. "Anya!"

Her face suddenly morphed back into human, as Anyanka gasped for air and opened her eyes. She looked down at herself and muttered, "I'd forgotten how much swords through the chest hurt." The 1100-year-old woman pulled it out, and breathing heavily she said, "You should have known better, Buffy. It takes a lot more than that to kill a vengeance demon."

"Well, I'm just getting started," Miss Summers replied, just as Anyanka came at the Chosen One with the sword.

Buffy threw a stool at her, knocking her enemy off-balance. She fell to the floor, dropping the sword. Buffy grabbed it and straddled Anya's prone form, preparing for another double-fisted stabbing; this time, through the head.

"NO!" At the last moment, Xander pushed Buffy aside so that the Slayer missed.

"Damn it, Xander! Stop trying to save me!" Anyanka yelled angrily, even as Miss Summers glared at her male friend for his actions and they all got up off the floor.

Lightning bolts flashed in the room out of nowhere, knocking everyone down again. After the smoke cleared, the vengeance demon lord named D'hoffryn became visible, he was just standing there serenely. He saw everyone looking at him and said, "Oh, please, don't mind me. All of you, continue with whatever it was you were doing."

"What are you doing here?" Buffy demanded, standing up and grabbing her sword. She'd met the demon lord during Xander's wedding debacle all those months ago, and that was how she knew how he was Anya's supervisor in the evil wishing business.

"I talked to your friend, Miss Rosenberg; she asked me if I could help with the current situation. And by the way, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, Miss Summers? There's no point, I'd be gone before you could complete the first swing. Ah, Slayers – always acting as if they can solve all their problems just by hacking away at them with sharp objects," D'hoffryn smirked.

Unfortunately, the Slayer essence – in combination with the remnants of being a soldier for Halloween five years ago – made Buffy take the road less travelled. She instantly swung at D'hoffryn with all her strength, but true to his word the demon lord vanished with another light and smoke show – leaving only a nasty burn mark on the carpet.

"Excuse me, Buffy? If you're done trying to murder my boss, I believe we still have some unfinished business here?" Anyanka asked in a rather sarcastic voice.

"Yeah. You're right." Buffy then punched Xander hard to the face to get him out of her way, and the battle resumed. The fighting continued for a while, with the conflict appearing fairly even; or Anyanka appearing to have the slight upper hand. But then she was thrown onto the floor, and as she started to get up, Buffy swung her sword with a perfect coordination of hands, shoulders and hips.

"NOOOO!!!" Xander screamed in agonized horror, as Buffy chopped Anya's head off.

There was very little blood. As the headless corpse collapsed to the floor, the demon body melted into green goo, somewhat reminiscent of the demon Eyghon back in high school. Still screaming, Xander fell to his knees before the remains of the vengeance demon, scrabbling at the pitiful remains of his lost love.

Buffy dropped the sword onto the floor, devastated by the hideous act which her Calling had forced her to carry out just now.

***

**Outside Elmhurst Cemetery, Sunnydale, California**

**October 20****th****, 2002**

Willow and Buffy's little sister, Dawn, sat in the car after Xander got out and left them behind. He had ordered them to stay put for a while, to give him at least five minutes alone at Anya's grave. Neither girl had wanted to do that, but the black look on his face had convinced them that, for once, Xander's wishes were not to be denied.

"I still can't believe what's happened," Dawn said, shaking her head. "I just...I don't...how could Buffy DO something like that? Didn't she know what kind of effect it would have on Xander?"

"She knew," Willow said sadly, looking out the window. "Buffy's the Slayer, Dawn. I'm sure she knew what the consequences would be right from the start, but she still did what she had to do. I'm just sorry I couldn't think of anything other than asking D'hoffryn for assistance! A lot of help he turned out to be!"

"Do you think Buffy's, like, in danger from him now?" Dawn suddenly got a worried look on her face. "'Cause Anya was sorta one of his favourite demons, right?"

"Your sister can take care of herself," Willow sighed, still looking out the window. "Besides, D'hoffryn is the pragmatic type, he wouldn't try something like that. At least, not while he's still hoping that I'll join his little family and take Anya's place one day."

"What?!" the former Key demanded in astonishment. "Uh...Willow, you're not thinking of accepting, are you? Because, because Buffy would probably end up killing you too! God knows how close she came to doing that back in May, after Tara-" Dawn abruptly shut herself up, cheeks flaming.

"After Tara was killed and I tried to destroy the world. You can say it, Dawn, I won't hold it against you. The Goddess knows how much Anya reminded me about all that before she died last week," Willow said as she finally turned back to face her best friend's kid sister.

"She did? Oh," Miss Summers replied, looking troubled. "Well, Anya always did love to speak her mind about everything, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised." Then she looked out the window. "I'm worried about Xander. We should go catch up with him, don't you think?"

Willow shook her head. "Not yet. Give him another few minutes."

"But-"

"Dawn? Please don't push, not on something like this," Willow told her as nicely as possible. "The first time I visited Tara's grave, Xander gave me the space I needed. That's why I – we – need to do the same for him now. Trust me, it'll only make things worse if we try to butt in before he's ready to talk to us."

Dawn grew even more upset when the redhead insisted that the younger woman stay in the car until she'd had a chance to talk to her friend alone, but eventually Miss Summers gave in and Willow left the vehicle. She walked a short distance, and soon caught up with her oldest friend.

As soon as she joined Xander, the red-haired witch said simply, "Hey."

"I was actually expecting you and Dawnie to show up a while ago," Xander said without looking at her. His eyes were fastened on the simple memorial marker he had erected after the police investigation into the supernatural murders had been closed – without finding the culprit, of course, the way it always happened around here. "You must have given her the old Resolve Face treatment, huh?"

Willow almost winced at how well her oldest friend knew her. "Yeah."

"I'll bet you that Dawn snuck out of the car ten seconds after you left, and that she's eavesdropping on us right now," Xander added, his eyes still on Anya's marker as Willow whipped her head around. "I still don't know how Dawnie managed to talk you into letting her come to this place today, Will. Probably isn't healthy for her; the poor kid has been to so many graveyards, she's lost so many people in her life so far – her mom, Tara, even Buffy too for a while – it's amazing that Dawn hasn't gone as nuts as...well, you know."

Willow flushed at that, correctly figuring that she would never live down her past actions. "What about Anya? I'm sure Dawn will miss her too, just like me-"

"Please don't insult Anya's memory that way, Willow," Xander cut her off as gently as he could. "I've had some time to think about it, and I've come to the conclusion that apart from Tara, maybe, nobody in our little social circle was ever really her friend."

"That's not true!!" Willow immediately protested.

"Oh, I'll grant ya that Ahn was tolerated, and even made to feel welcome for my sake, but once she and I were through – when did you ever hang out with her, Willow? When did Dawn ever hang out with her? Tara had a coffee date with Anya once or twice, but as far as I know, that's it," Xander said sadly. "May as well face it, all of Anya's friends were demons. You remember her best friend, Halfrek? She actually visited me last night. Asked me to make a Wish, too, to avenge Ahn's death – to kill Buffy, or hurt her, or strip her of her Slayer powers or whatever."

"She did? Uh, but you didn't wish for any of that – did you?" Willow's eyes were suddenly very round and very huge.

"No. Only wish I made was for her to bring Anya back to life as a human. Colour me surprised when Demon Girl finally admitted that she couldn't do that, her powers simply didn't work that way," Xander said cynically. "Afterwards, I told her to just leave me alone, before D'hoffryn finally showed up and dragged her away. Last thing I need is to get any more involved with the demon stuff, before I hit the road."

"Huh? What do you mean?" Willow didn't quite get what Xander was saying.

Straightening up, Harris finally turned to face the closest thing he had to a sister. He said to her, "I'm leaving Sunnydale, Willow. I already talked to my boss at work, and he was pretty understanding about it. He even lined me up a new job with some friends of his at a company in Denver, after I told him I couldn't stay in this town anymore."

"You're LEAVING?" Willow yelped. "But, but-"

"But what, Willow?" Xander's eyes bored into hers, the same way they had done months ago on Kingman's Bluff. "You were seriously expecting me to stay here, the place where Anya died? The place where Buffy killed her, and I couldn't do a damn thing to prevent it?"

"But – I need you," was the only thing Willow could think of saying.

"For what? Saving the world if you ever go black-eyed badass again? Sorry, Will, but right now, the way I'm feeling – I'm not sure if you didn't have the right idea all along back then," Xander said, shaking his head. "What the heck, maybe it would have been better if you HAD killed me in cold blood that day. At least, then I wouldn't have had to watch Buffy slay the woman I loved last week."

"Don't say that! PLEASE don't say that!" Willow cried out, her eyes beginning to become shiny with tears. "Xander, listen to me, don't go. We, we can get through this-"

"How? A book club? A movie night? Or a black magic resurrection ritual, maybe?" Xander interrupted, his mild tone not detracting from the severity of his words. "Been there and done that for all those things, I'm afraid, and as I recall none of it ever worked out too well." He leaned forward and gave Willow a hug. "I know you're only trying to help, and I appreciate that – I really do. But I simply can't stay here anymore, Willow. Put yourself in my shoes for a moment; what I am supposed to do if I ever run into Buffy again? Just say hi, and pretend that what she did in that frat house simply never happened?"

"I know you don't want to hear this, and you have a right to be pissed at her right now – but Buffy's a complete mess thanks to what's happened, and Dawn's really worried about her. So am I," Willow confessed. "Killing Anya and losing your friendship-"

"You're right, Will. I don't want to hear it," Xander cut her off with a blank, emotionless look on his face. "Just like I'm sure that you didn't want to hear about Warren's feelings, after he killed Tara that day." He exhaled, ignoring the stunned and hurt expression on Willow's face. "What, am I wrong about that? I miss her too, Willow. I may not mention Tara very often anymore – but she was my friend as well as your soul mate. So I hope that wherever they are right now, Anya and Tara are having fun gossipping about magic, or fashion, or singing gargoyles or whatever."

Xander turned around and walked back towards his car, as Willow collected Dawn – who had indeed been eavesdropping behind the bushes, and had heard the entire conversation – and both women sadly followed after him.

***

**The Brooks residence, Sunnydale, California**

**October 25****th****, 2002**

The last few days had passed almost as a blur to young Mr. Harris. There were a number of arrangements to be made before he could leave Sunnydale; Xander was a grown-up now, and no longer that class clown who had dressed up in a ridiculous Cat in the Hat costume. He'd had to ship the majority of his stuff to Denver, arrange new accommodations in the city, transfer his bank account to a new branch in Colorado – all the things that a normal adult human had to do when relocating to a new home, which had nothing to do with the demon world.

But there was one other thing he had to do before he left, which didn't quite fall into the category of the mundane. That was why he had come here, and why Xander stared around with a look of disbelief on his face as a tall and rather ungroomed young man got him a beer.

"So, Harris. You're in construction, huh? That's awesome," the man said.

"Yeah," Xander said carefully, finally tearing his eyes away from all the knick-knacks and lace in the basement apartment. Before he had moved out of his parents' home, HIS basement accommodations had looked nothing like this. "Gonna be leaving Sunnydale soon, actually. But before I go, I was kinda hoping to talk to you about your little brother."

"R.J.?" the guy named Lance Brooks asked in surprise. "Is there, like, a problem? How's he doing at the old alpha mater?"

"Good, from what I hear. It's just – I know a girl that might be going out with him, she's like a sister to me and I was kinda wondering if she..." Xander trailed off, not sure quite how to phrase Dawn's behaviour recently. The brunette sophomore throwing herself at the new quarterback of the Sunnydale High football team like a love-struck fool had made Harris worried, in addition to Willow's belief that the sixteen-year-old girl might be under a love spell.

Lance misunderstood what Xander was trying to say and replied, "Right, you want to know if R.J.'s a good guy. Truth is, he's the best. Following in my footsteps.

"Well, apart from how I used to stick chewing gum in your hair," Brooks belatedly apologized. "Sorry about that, by the way."

"Water under the bridge at this point, Lance. I heard R.J.'s a pretty popular guy, football team and all that?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, recently he's blossomed a lot. There was a time I was kinda worried about him, y'know? He was into all this geek stuff. Model U.N., poetry, crap like that." Lance got up from his chair and went to get a photo of him and his sibling, which was fortunate – since Xander hadn't invited Spike to come along on this little fishing expedition tonight. Given his current feelings towards Buffy, Xander didn't know whether he might stake the chipped vampire if he said the wrong thing at the wrong time, and he knew that Dawn still cared about the ensouled bloodsucker – even if it was for some reason that he himself would never understand.

Focusing, Xander accepted the photo Lance gave him. He still wasn't sure about R.J., as he glanced at the photograph containing both Brooks brothers. "When was this taken?"

"Back in my senior year. You were what, a sophomore back then?" the older boy tried to remember.

"Yeah, I..." Then Harris noticed something. "Hey. You're wearing your brother's jacket?" Xander had personally seen R.J. at the Bronze wearing the letterman jacket in the photo, and winning the hearts of his female classmates.

"Oh, no, dude. He's wearing mine, that jacket was with me all the way through high school. I gave it to R.J. when I graduated, right before I started over at Pizza Barn. I'm in the management program, you know," the elder Brooks brother stated proudly.

His suspicions beginning to crystallise, Xander asked, "So tell me, where did you get the jacket?"

"Oh, my dad gave it to me. Made a big deal about it, too. He often mentioned how he met my mom wearing that jacket. She was a former Miss Arkansas, very hot in her day," Lance said helpfully.

Xander immediately stood up after he figured out the truth. "Wow, that's wonderful. Uh, but it's getting late – so I should go."

"Hey, you don't have to take off just yet. I got a rumpus room set up down here, there's air hockey and a mini-fridge. We could party, y'know?" Lance asked hopefully, and it was pretty obvious he was almost starving for any sort of company.

Shaking his head, Xander mentally contrasted the boy who'd had everyone around him practically kissing his ring back in high school, with this loser still living at home and stuck in a dead-end career path. The thought stole across his mind, ( _I guess there really is a lot of irony in this world, and then some. _)

"Sorry, Lance. But I've really got to motor."

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

Xander and Spike walked along the same street where all this had begun five years ago, the night of the Halloween spell. But Harris wasn't thinking about that right now; he was thinking about how Buffy had almost killed the Sunnydale High principal Robin Wood to prove her love for R.J., Willow had almost turned the younger Brooks brother into a girl to get around the whole penis issue, and Dawn had almost committed suicide out of despair that she could never compete for his affections against her big sister. The gang had only just saved Dawn from getting trisected by a freight train, which had almost given Xander a heart attack.

Shaking his head, Xander focused back on the present. As he and Spike walked past an electronics store, the human and the vampire spied R.J. walking down the street alongside a cheerleader on crutches.

"Now, you're sure you understand the plan?" Harris asked.

"I think I got it, yeah," Spike replied.

With a brief nod, William the Bloody and Xander both started running forward. Harris tackled R.J., while Spike yanked the jacket off of him. Then they both ran away as fast as they could, before the teenage jock could follow after them.

What the hell. It wasn't exactly the casino heist pulled off by Ocean's Eleven, but it was just as effective and also a lot simpler to boot.

***

**The Harris residence, Sunnydale, California**

**October 26****th****, 2002**

Not long after midnight, Xander finished packing as the smell of the burning jacket filled his soon-to-be former living room. He noticed how Willow and Dawn were staring at the remains of the cotton-poly blend material with both disgust and amazement, and he tried not to grin in amusement.

"So how are you two doing?" Harris asked his girls as innocently as he could.

"I can't believe that I almost..." Willow shook her head in shame, thinking about all of tonight's events.

"I can't believe I was so – the way I acted, the way I talked to Buffy. God, I feel like such an idiot. All because of a stupid, enchanted jacket!" Dawn almost shuddered in loathing.

"That's the Hellmouth for you, Dawn Giovanni. Live and learn," Harris said to her with a tolerant smile.

"Speaking of which – Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on yourself?" Willow had to ask.

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it didn't fit me," Xander wisecracked.

"I guess we'll never know just who arranged for it to be the subject of a love spell," Willow mused.

"Love spells. People just don't get how dangerous they are," Dawn spoke up, staring at her one-time crush. "Remember what happened when you tried it, during high school?"

"Yeah, I haven't forgotten. Good times," Xander said, recalling that Valentine's Day with a brief grin appearing on his face. Things had been so much simpler back then, and the young man had to admit that in comparison to the here and now – all that almost seemed like the 'good old days'. "Well, gals, I guess that's it. I'm all packed and ready to hit the road."

"So you're really gonna do it? I, I was kinda hoping you'd changed your mind. I mean if you hadn't been here to snap me out of it, Xander, right now Dawn would be..." Willow trailed off.

"Dead," Miss Summers finished up for her. "Not to mention that Buffy would be in jail for killing Principal Wood, and Willow would be making the girl version of R.J. into her personal cuddle monkey. Don't you see, Xander? We need you. Please, don't leave!"

"I have to. Because nothing's changed for me, Dawn," Xander said in order to make his younger friend understand, telling the female teen what she needed to hear and not what she WANTED to hear.

"I gotta make a fresh start in life while I still can, and I can't do that here. Because just about everywhere I look? I see Anya's face, every single moment of every single day. I'm constantly reminded of what I've lost here in Sunnydale, and I'm TIRED of that, Dawn-patrol. It would just get worse and worse as time went on, believe me. God, I'd probably end up just like my father," Xander shook his head. "As soon as I get settled in, you can come to visit me in Denver, okay?"

"Fine," Dawn huffed, before giving him a big hug and then walking out of the apartment to wait downstairs in the car.

"I'm worried about her," Willow cocked her head a little. "I'm afraid that Dawn's gonna have a lot of abandonment issues once she's all grown up. 'Cause you're like the stable male-slash-big brother figure in her life, Xander. This thing lately with R.J., she may have finally gotten over that cute crush she had on you; but no one ever forgets their first love. I know I haven't."

"Yeah, I know," Xander replied, thinking of Anya for the first time without the overpowering need to puke his guts out. He finally let go of all the bad stuff, and focused on the three good years they'd had together. "Come here."

He gave Willow a big hug, and together Willow and Xander took his luggage down to his car and dropped off the apartment keys in the building manager's mailbox. "I promise I'll call every day, all right?" Xander said.

"Well, you better!" Willow gave him yet another fierce hug.

"Hello, Xander."

Harris let go of the redhead at once, his face going expressionless after hearing that very familiar voice. He just stared at Buffy, waiting for her to say something else.

"What are you doing here?" Xander eventually asked, after it became obvious she wasn't going to say anything. "Because if you came to apologize to me for what you did to Anya, Buffy, I don't want to hear it. Not now, and maybe not ever."

"No, I'm not here for that. It's just – I knew you were leaving town for good, a-and I never got the chance to thank you for helping me save Dawn's life earlier on tonight. And I never thanked you properly for saving MY life all those years ago, when the Master drowned me. So thank you, on both counts. For whatever it's worth," Buffy said uncomfortably.

"It's not worth much if anything, as far as I'm concerned," Xander told her frankly. "Goodbye, Willow," the young man then said to the Rosenberg girl, before he opened the car door. "I'll call you tomorrow." So saying, Harris got in and drove off.

( _He's never going to forgive me for what I had to do that night,_ ) Buffy thought miserably, starting to mourn Xander's loss as if he was dead. ( _For the rest of his life, he's gonna hate me for killing the demon he still loved with all his heart._ )

Both Willow and Buffy watched Xander's vehicle dwindle out of sight as Dawn joined them from the interior of the Summers car, the three females already missing Harris more than they could ever possibly express.

***

Next: Story 23 - Ghost: Halloween costume switch # 3


	23. Ghost: Halloween costume switch 3

**Date written**: Fri 23 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **Hey, everybody, thanks yet again for all the latest reviews and feedback. The Doctor, thank you in particular for suggesting Bioshock; I'd never heard of it before, but from what I've read it sounds like a terrific game. As for Red X, was that ever proven to be Jason Todd? I honestly don't know. Anyway, onto this story. Basically, this is it for the little theme idea I had where the 'wrong' costume choices are made by the Scooby Gang; after this one, where Xander takes Willow's place as the ghost, it's back to individual story ideas.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 23: Ghost: Halloween costume switch # 3

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

The forces of destiny had screwed up AGAIN, and Xander Harris had dressed up in a white ghost costume for Halloween this year. Willow Rosenberg had decided to go as a soldier, Private Vasquez from the 'Alien' movie franchise. Cordelia Chase had become an 18th century noblewoman, and Buffy Summers had dressed in a leopard-like cat outfit from the store known as Partytown. The convoluted reasons as to how and why this particular chain of events took place were a source of great irritation and annoyance to the higher beings, and they resolved to clean up their Department of Fates and Destinies as soon as possible.

Despite the headache regarding the 'paperwork' that particular act would involve.

Be that as it may, right now Xander had other problems. His body had collapsed in the middle of the street after he'd muttered, "Oh, God, can't breathe...", and at that moment the young man got up out of his body and stared down at it in disbelief.

"What the heck-?" Xander looked down at himself; he was only wearing the clothes he'd had on underneath the ghost outfit. He went to touch his body, but found that his hand simply went straight through the white sheet currently covering it. "Holy shit! I'm a real ghost?!"

The sounds of yelling and screaming quickly distracted Xander from that particular revelation, though. All around him, parents and children were being chased by demons and monsters, and there were a lot of things being thrown around and windows being smashed. It was pure chaos; and thus it was no wonder that far away, the man responsible for the chaos spell, Ethan Rayne, was smiling in pure delight over his handiwork.

Just then Buffy Summers, who was tearing off her black cat's tail and pulling the cat ears she'd worn away from her head, caught up with her best male friend. "Xander! Xander?!" the Chosen One asked in confusion, seeing both the ghost outfit and the ghostly apparition before her.

"Buffy, what the hell's going on?" Xander yelled, ducking as a rock smashed through a car's windows not far away. "Look at me! I just got turned into a real-life chain-rattler here!"

Miss Summers safely scooped up Xander's body. "We gotta get somewhere safe – hey, have you seen Willow?"

Just then, Private Vasquez burst onto the scene. She had just finished beating up some mini-demons who had attacked her on the porch of a house, but luckily she hadn't killed either of the possessed children. Seeing the pair in front of her, the redhead aimed her M41A pulse rifle at Willow's two best friends and growled, "All right, where the hell am I? And who are you two? Start talking, or I'll fill you full of holes!!"

"Willow?" Buffy asked in amazement.

"Willow?" the Xander ghost echoed in similar amazement. He found it astounding how his sweet and shy best friend could be acting so gung-ho and in-charge, and if he'd still been in his body, most likely, it would have turned him on quite a lot.

"Who's Willow?" Vasquez demanded, her aim never wavering one iota. She had no idea what was going on, because the movie character was fairly sure that she had recently died in a big explosion; and yet, here she was, walking around and breathing – just not anywhere she recognized. "My name's Vasquez, private, Colonial Marine Corps. And I won't ask again, who are you two?"

"Uh-oh. I think Willow's been affected by...whatever it is that's going on around here," the young man cogitated helplessly. "What happened to me, it's also happened to her!"

"Uh, Will – err, Private Vasquez? I'm Buffy Summers, and this is Xander Harris," the Slayer introduced herself and her ghostly companion.

"Look, we can't stay here! Please, come with us, my house isn't far away – we'll be safe there. Okay?" Buffy said pleadingly, keeping an eye out for anything big and bad deciding to target the three of them.

Vasquez looked to be in two minds about it, but after the appearance of a couple of unfriendlies she figured that discretion was indeed the better part of valour, and decided to follow these two to their base until she could hook up with her squad again.

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

Buffy slammed the front door shut after retrieving a screaming Lady Cordelia from the street outside, inwardly cursing over the delay in getting to her Watcher and obtaining Giles' help in solving this mess. "Xander! What's going on here?"

The ghost boy just gestured helplessly to Private Vasquez, who was still aiming her gun at him. "Uh, the person currently possessing Willow doesn't seem to like me very much?"

"What the fuck are you?" Vasquez demanded, as she had recently learned that Xander was currently non-corporeal. "Some sorta hologram? Don't see no emitters anywhere..."

Buffy went and pulled the white ghost sheet off of Xander's body. "No, he's a ghost. Y'know, spirit, spectre, lost soul on the holiday train?"

Lady Cordelia fainted in the background, but unfortunately, no one took any notice of it as a narrow-eyed Vasquez half-snarled to the Slayer, "You gotta be kidding me, right? What is this, some sort of joke? Last thing I remember before showing up here was dying alongside that idiot lieutenant Gorman – so, what? You're trying to tell me this is Heaven?"

"No, no, this isn't Heaven. In fact, this place is a lot closer to Hell, what with the Hellmouth less than two miles away," Xander wisecracked. He wished he could sit down, but the ghost knew that his body would just sink straight through the furniture.

"Look, I gotta go. Xander, keep an eye on them, don't let any harm come to Willow and...Cordelia?" Miss Summers turned around, and finally spied her unconscious classmate. Groaning, she quickly moved the female onto the same couch Xander's body was resting on, before she saw the ghost's expression. "What?"

"Did you have to put her quite so close to me?" Xander complained. "I may be dead right now, but I'd still prefer a bit of a DMZ between me and the harpy."

"What?" Vasquez whipped her head back and forth between the Slayer and her friend.

"Never mind," Xander shook his head. "And hey, how exactly am I supposed to accomplish anything if something big and bad starts smashing down the door? In case you haven't noticed, Buff, I'm not exactly handi-capable right now."

"I know, but I'm the Slayer, I gotta go back out there. So I need you to stay here," she elaborated, "because we can't leave Willow here all alone in her current condition. God only knows what might happen," Buffy pointed out the obvious.

"Fine," Xander said grouchily. He knew that there was no other choice, not with the phones out of commission. If it had been anyone else, the youth would have suggested that he go to the library to find Giles; but Buffy had the whole superpowers-sacred duty-yadda, yadda, yadda thing on her side. "I'll man the fort until you get back. Good luck!"

"You too," Miss Summers nodded, before she stepped out the door and Xander asked Vasquez to lock it behind her.

Buffy's undead boyfriend Angel soon showed up, though, and so after explaining the situation Harris left him to look after things at Casa del Summers. The disembodied spirit headed for the school himself, and helped Giles research what was going on, since Buffy had already left after the briefing to try to restore some semblance of order on the streets.

That was why the young man was present when Giles confronted Ethan in his store, and Harris got a firsthand view of who 'Ripper' was.

"Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back," the British Watcher said, when it became obvious Xander wasn't going to obey his orders and depart the costume shop.

"Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?" Rayne asked with a smarmy look.

"What? There are people dying out there, British man! Look at me, I'm one of 'em!" Xander exclaimed, gesturing to himself.

"Tell me what I want to know, Ethan, or I'll kick your arse like you wouldn't believe," Giles promised simply.

"Oh, Rupert, you're scaring me," Rayne sneered.

Giles instantly punched him in the gut with his left hand, making his compatriot double over, and followed up with a right hook to the face. The usually stuffy and uptight Englishman then began to deliver a thrashing the likes of which Xander had never seen – and considering the Harris family legacy, that was really saying something.

"Tell me how to stop the spell," Giles commanded again, when Ethan was lying bruised, battered and helpless on the ground.

"Say 'pretty please'," the chaos mage said in reply, which earned him a kick to the kidneys and another scream of pain.

Xander couldn't stomach watching any more of this. "Dude, you're just pissing him off now! Look, all you gotta do is tell us what's the what already. Come on, is what you're doing here in Sunnydale worth dying for?"

Oddly, that seemed to reach through to the British magician. "Statue of Janus in the back. Break it to end the spell."

At once, Xander and Giles raced into the back room of the store. The older man instantly grabbed the two-headed statue, lifted it up and threw the marble bust hard down onto the floor.

The effects were immediately obvious.

Throughout the town, all the possessed people were released from the spell's effects – which was why Xander disappeared from the costume shop and woke up in his own body, safe and sound within 1630 Revello Drive. The teen got up, and saw Willow, Cordelia and Angel staring at him – Buffy was elsewhere, finally relaxing as all the little kids around her started crying and calling out for their mommies.

"Hey, what's with the looks? Come on, this is Sunnydale; you guys never saw a dead person suddenly come back to life before?" Xander made a relatively feeble joke, as he stretched a little to work the kinks out of his body.

( _Here we go with the dead jokes again,_ ) Angel thought in annoyance as Cordelia sneered and Willow hugged her romantic crush fiercely. The vampire ruminated silently, ( _I should have known that my luck wouldn't last, and that idiot kid wouldn't stay dead for long... _)

***

**Sunnydale High School Biology Lab, Sunnydale, California**

**December 10****th****, 1997**

Things had been busy at Sunnydale High over the last six weeks or so, there was no doubt about that.

The vampire named Spike had sent one of his minions here to steal a book from Rupert Giles – a spell-book containing information that could be used to heal sick members of the undead. The sleepwalker demon named Eyghon had also shown up here, wanting to kill its former initiates; namely, Giles and Ethan. And Career Week had also taken place here, around the time Spike's sire, Drusilla, had been cured of her affliction, but with William the Bloody ending up in a wheelchair instead. Despite the odds, even an evil robot calling itself Ted Buchanan had appeared here, as part of its dastardly plan to carry off Buffy's mother Joyce to his so-called 'bunker of love' and eventually kill her.

But none of that mattered right now, because the Scooby Gang had the latest monster of the week to deal with; the pre-prehistoric demons known as the Bezoars.

Xander stared at the egg hatchling laid out in a dissection tray. He tapped his fingers on the table as he and Buffy examined the dead demon infant. The young man then said, "Can I just say, gyughhh!"

Miss Summers nodded. "I see your 'gyughhh!' and raise you a nyaghhh!"

Cordelia simply asked, "What is it?"

Xander looked at her in exasperation, despite the fact that he had been secretly making out with the cheerleader for the past month or so. "We don't know what it is, Cordelia, that's why we're here. Capisce?"

"'Capisce'? What are you, world traveller now?" Cordy retorted.

Buffy saw Willow arrive into the science lab at that moment and asked her, "Hey, where's Giles? I know he won't wanna miss this."

"He said to get started. He'll be by as soon as possible," was the redhead's rather flat reply.

"So, okay! Get started, Buffy! Dissect it or something," Xander said, holding out a scalpel to her.

Buffy accepted the surgical knife but said, "Me? Why do I have to dissect it?"

"Uh, because you're the Slayer?" Harris asked her.

"And I slayed! My work here is done," Miss Summers replied, putting the scalpel down with a grossed-out expression on her face.

Xander couldn't help but notice she'd put the scalpel down in front of him, and he was able to put two and two together easily. So he immediately said, "Oh, no, I almost ATE one of those things. I think I've fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade."

"I'll do it," Willow volunteered, as she picked up the scalpel. Unfortunately nobody noticed the near-lifeless tone of voice, or realized that she had been neural-clamped by one of the live Bezoar hatchlings and turned into a mindless automaton.

The dissection proceeded normally until Xander asked, "So, what are the odds that one of these things was responsible for Mr. Whitmore's disappearance, huh?"

"It's possible that Mr. Whitmore wasn't harmed. Maybe the offspring simply used him to return to the mother Bezoar," Willow offered, referring to the currently missing science teacher.

"Yeah. Maybe he..." Xander turned to Willow in confusion. "What?"

Neither he nor Buffy noticed Cordelia picking up a metal bar, which she wielded like a baseball bat; because she, too, had just been neural-clamped like Willow.

The Slayer managed to say "What's a bez-" before getting hit in the face with the bar, knocking her down and out.

"Cordy! What-" Xander started to say in disbelief before Willow grabbed a microscope and smashed him over the head with it, and then the universe went black.

***

**17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

The crisis with the Bezoar offspring had been solved, with Buffy saving the day the way she always did: killing the bad guy, in this case the mother Bezoar, with a big sharp weapon. That wasn't the problem, though; the problem was that Xander, who had woken up and had been hit by the possessed Cordelia in the exact same place Willow had hit him, was about to have a rather unusual encounter of the supernatural kind.

Now, Xander knew that he had been seeing dead people in his town ever since midway through his sophomore year of high school. This was the point when Buffy had come to Sunnydale, and his eyes had been opened to the real world containing vampires and demons. But even so, Harris was about to become someone unique, thanks to being a ghost for Halloween; and the two blows to the head altering his brain chemistry enough to allow him to see things which normal people couldn't.

"You bastard," Jesse McNally snarled at him as Xander entered his bedroom. "How DARE you steal my girl? I'm gonna get you for that, you son of a bitch!"

Xander's eyes went wide at the sight of the 15-year-old boy with a nasty vampire bite mark in his neck. McNally had been his best friend before he had died during the Harvest, after all. But that was so long ago, now...

"Jesse?" he managed to choke out.

"What the-? You're actually talking to me?" Jesse demanded in disbelief. "Xander, I've been cursing you non-stop for the past month, you lousy girlfriend-stealer! Why are you suddenly paying attention to me now?"

"You can't be Jesse. Jesse's dead," Xander said, shaking his head.

"What are you talking about? I'm not dead," the restless spirit declared, not knowing the truth. When Xander stuck his arm through the dead boy's chest, though, the ghost screamed in shock and horror.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" the Jesse ghost looked completely and utterly freaked.

"What are you, a ghost? Yeah, I think you are," Xander marvelled, before his face fell. "Oh, dude, you're a ghost? Jesse...I think we need to talk."

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**December 11****th****, 1997**

Xander had filled in Giles on what had really happened yesterday with the Bezoars, as he'd promised to do after the librarian had concocted a big 'gas leak' cover-up the previous evening. But now, Harris had another task in front of him: to fulfil Jesse's request regarding Cordelia, which meant dragging the brunette girl into the nearest convenient broom closet.

"Hey! Caveman much?" Miss Chase complained, rubbing her arm and scowling at Xander. Then she shrugged and smiled, reaching up to switch off the light. "We're gonna have to make this snappy, doofus. We have English class coming up next, remember?"

Xander switched the light back on after she'd turned it off, much to Cordy's surprise. "I didn't bring you in here for us to do...that."

"What? Xander, I thought we cleared this up two days ago. You don't like it when I talk, and I don't like having to see your face, whenever we make out together. Hey, if I wanted stimulating conversation or a view of some decent eye-candy, I wouldn't be in here with you – I'd be where I belong, with the rest of my social circle!" Cordelia snapped.

"Cordelia. Whether I like it or not, we do need to talk," Xander said, straining to keep his annoyance on a leash.

"About what, you big dweeb?" Miss Chase demanded.

"We're not alone in here," Xander turned to stare at an empty part of the broom closet. He pointed and said, "Jesse's ghost is standing right there, even though you can't see him."

"What kind of lame-ass crazy talk is this?" Cordelia shook her head. "Forget it, I'm outta here!"

"No, Cordy, wait. I can prove it," Xander said, seeing a very upset Jesse staring longingly at her. "Ask me anything that only Jesse would know. He'll tell me the answer right here, right now, and I'll relay it to you. Please? I, I think he needs this in order to be able to move on. Will you do this for me?"

"Fine," Cordelia said with a patronising sneer. "Alright, that guy sent me a love letter last year, and there was sort of a song-slash-poem in it at the end. Jesse swore that he came up with it all by himself, and that he'd never share it with anybody but me; and I never mentioned it to a living soul after I burned that stupid letter of his. So come on, Xander, let's hear it – how exactly did that little melody go?"

Xander looked just as embarrassed as Jesse, as he began to parrot the ghost's lyrics: "Oh, Cordelia! How I'd like to feel ya! I am an island basking in your sunshine-"

"STOP IT!" the girl instantly shrieked, a look of horror appearing on her face. "Xander, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?"

Harris just gestured to the corner of the closet where, as far as Cordelia was concerned, there was nothing but empty space. "Like I said. He's standing right there."

Cordy immediately jumped into her paramour's arms, finally becoming a true believer and staring at the empty space. Not thinking about how and why it was that Xander could suddenly see and hear ghosts, the young woman simply said, "Well, GET LOST! Jesse, this is creepy on a scale too much for me to...oh my God! Have you been watching me in the shower ever since you died, you little pervert?!"

"No, of course not," Xander said swiftly, after witnessing the ghost's frantic denials and headshakes. "Until last night, Jesse didn't know he was dead – he honestly thought he was still alive, and his parents were making him live in the basement with all his stuff. Both of us were surprised as all get out when the truth hit us in the face, actually. But getting back on topic, Cor, the reason I brought you in here was this." Xander let the girl go and backed away a little. "Okay, pal, I'm ready. I invite you in."

"What?" Cordelia asked, as she saw Xander close his eyes. "What's going on?" she asked, as she saw her companion open them again.

"Cordelia," the young man said in a pensive, love-filled tone of voice. "It's me, Jesse." He saw Cordy's eyes go wide, and then felt a stinging slap as her palm connected with his cheek. "OW! What did you do that for?" he demanded, a look of surprise and hurt on his face.

"If that's really you – get out of Xander's body right now, you moron!" the Sunnydale High beauty queen hissed angrily. "What the hell do you two dorks think you're doing?! And why are you doing it, as if I couldn't guess – Xander just HAD to be his usual idiotic self..."

"You really do care about him," Jesse said using Xander's mouth, his eyes becoming sad and withdrawn. "I never realized it until just now, but I should have known. You wouldn't have gotten involved with my best bud if there weren't real feelings involved, right? I mean I've watched you date so many guys over the past year – Mitch, Kevin, Steve, Larry, Devon..."

"Not helping your case here, Stalker Boy!" Cordelia hissed angrily. "Now like I said, get out of there!"

"Cordelia..."

"And just so we understand each other – I, I never loved you. In fact, I was never even remotely interested in you. I'm pretty sure that that's not what you wanted to hear, but unfortunately, it's the truth and there's nothing I can do about it. Look, Jesse, I'm sorry you died and all, but there's nothing I can do about that, either – so if you see a light anywhere? Head towards it!" Cordelia ordered the ghost in no uncertain terms.

"Cordelia? I already knew all that," Jesse said dejectedly. "I just wanted to wish you all the best in the future, and for you to know that what I felt for you wasn't just a crush or anything – I did love you, that's why it really hurt me when you and Xander hooked up together. I guess that, that you and I...just weren't ever meant to be. So goodbye and good luck, sweetheart," the ghost said farewell, before closing his eyes and drifting out of Harris's body.

"Oh, sweet mamalooshin," Xander muttered, as he opened his eyes and the friendly possession ended. "That was...that was..."

He knew that he had been taking a big chance doing that – if Jesse had decided not to leave, or if it had been impossible for him to go out the same way he'd come in, then the situation would have been completely FUBAR. But now his best friend was free to leave behind the world of the living, and so in Xander's opinion, the risk had been worth it. "That felt so weird..."

Cordelia promptly slapped him again. "You JERK! What the hell were you thinking, pulling a stunt like that just now? Because at the end of the movie, even the priest died!"

"This is real life and not 'The Exorcist', Cor," Xander rubbed his cheek, thinking that he had to learn how to duck whenever the women-folk decided to slap him.

"And I did it because I had to. That night, when Jesse's undead alter ego was dusted at the Bronze...I was the one who staked him," Xander confessed, leaving out the part where the staking was almost entirely accidental. "So this was as much for my benefit as his, for both of us to get some closure on that."

"Well, you ever do anything like that again and I'll kill you myself!" Cordelia promised him fervently. "Now come on, I'm sure we're late for class!"

But there was one more thing that Xander had to say first; and after he was done, Cordelia ran out the door trying not to cry her eyes out.

Because Harris had just told her that it was over between them, that their little broom closet trysts were finished.

Cordy hadn't waited around to hear his reasons; all she knew was that Xander had just hurt her worse than she'd ever anticipated or even imagined was possible, and that things would never be the same again.

***

**Shadyhill Cemetery, Sunnydale, California **

**March 1****st****, 1998**

Things certainly hadn't been the same ever since the break-up; Miss Chase hadn't been wrong about that.

First, there had been that nasty business with Angel losing his soul after he and Buffy had made love during her 17th birthday, and the situation with the demon known as the Judge. Second, Willow had finally moved on from her Halloween possession and her hopeless crush on Xander, beginning to date a senior named Oz – who was also a werewolf. Third, Cordelia had blackmailed the witch named Amy Madison into doing a love spell to get Xander back – but it had backfired badly, and Queen C had almost gotten herself raped before Amy had undone the mojo.

But the most important thing of all had been the undercover gypsy named Jenny Calendar – or Janna of the Kalderash tribe – getting killed, after the soulless version of Angel had murdered her to prevent the woman from cursing him with a soul again.

"This must be so horrible for poor Rupert," Jenny's ghost said to Xander, as they watched Buffy and Giles depart the freshly-dug grave. "Xander, are you sure you can't-"

"No. I'm sorry, Ms. C, but no more possessions for me," Xander said firmly, recalling what had happened after the former Principal Flutie had begged him for that sort of time-share deal. "That door opens wider and wider every time I do it, and it gets harder for me to shut it every time, too. If this keeps up, I'm afraid that one day, I'll be an open house to any spook that tries to force their way inside me," Xander said plainly.

"I understand," the female shade nodded sadly. "But what I don't understand is why you didn't take Cordelia back after that love spell fiasco; it's obvious you still have feelings for the girl-"

"She can do better than dating one of the Scooby Gang," Xander interrupted firmly. "I mean Slayer, witch, werewolf, and...whatever the hell you wanna call me these days. Cordy should be with someone...I dunno, normal. A guy who can give her a future-"

"Like your friend Jesse, had he lived," Jenny interrupted this time. "Are you sure it isn't guilt you're feeling, Xander? Or is that after experiencing everything your best friend felt for that girl, someone he loved with all his heart, you thought that what you felt for her...simply didn't measure up?"

"I don't want to discuss my love life with you, Ms. Calendar," Harris said firmly, even though it was obvious her shots had hit home. "I – son of a bitch!!" Xander cursed, as he abandoned the female ghost and marched over to where a man in his mid-twenties was wearing 18th century period clothing. "What are YOU doing here?!"

"Xander?" Liam O'Reilly, a.k.a. Angel's soul, asked in surprise. "You can see me?"

"Yeah, unfortunately. Now answer the goddamn question," Harris said roughly. "If you're here to gloat over Ms. Calendar's grave-"

"Why would I do that?" Liam demanded. "You think I took any pleasure in watching my demon kill her? You think I'm happy that Buffy can't differentiate between me and Angelus, and let him go at the mall a month ago?"

"Buffy did WHAT?" Xander whirled around, wanting to talk to Jenny about this – but it was too late, her Uncle Enyos was already escorting her to the land of the dead and they both slowly faded away in front of his eyes.

So Harris turned back to the Irish-born ghost and said, "Tell me everything!"

***

**Abandoned mansion on Crawford Street, Sunnydale, California**

**May 13****th****, 1998**

The time for the final battle had come, and Xander knew that if he survived it, he was definitely getting out of Sunnydale afterwards.

His talent – or curse, if you wanted to look at it that way – had grown in range and strength, so much so that Harris saw dead people everywhere he looked nowadays. Thus, given the number of human deaths due to the 'night life' in this town, their screams and moans were making it impossible for Xander to live his life here anymore.

It had all started during the encounter with der Kindestod, at Sunnydale General Hospital. Harris had seen more than the usual number of ghosts whilst watching Buffy's back, when she was bed-ridden with the flu. Xander had also seen Angel's soul glaring at Angelus whilst the soulless demon was talking; but it had been his reaction to all those dead children wandering the corridors that had thrown Angelus off-stride enough to think Harris had set up some sort of trap, and that he should just leave.

Later that month, the poltergeist Jim Stanley had shown up and had briefly possessed Xander without his consent; just before the dead teacher named Grace Newman had likewise possessed Cordelia. Luckily, the two ghosts had departed for the afterlife after Harris had somehow put a crimp in the usual murder/suicide scenario. The taste of Cordelia's lips had lasted long after the girl had left him, though, making Xander wonder if Jenny Calendar hadn't been right all along about the feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

During April, there had been the tragedy with the swim team fish monsters, and Xander hadn't enjoyed listening to the ghost of Nurse Greenleigh cursing and bitching at Coach Marin after both of them had been killed by the marine mutants.

At least all that had been taken care of relatively quickly, even if his girls were still giving him strange looks every time the topic of those red Speedo's came up during the conversation.

But two days ago, the demon statue of Acathla had been discovered buried at the site where some low-rent housing was planned to be built. Upon learning of its existence, Angelus had decided that he didn't like the world very much, so he'd use the stone demon to send everyone to Hell – once he got the big ugly piece of rock to open its mouth.

Willow and Buffy had come up with the idea to re-ensoul Angelus in order to stop this from happening, and Xander had to admit – as a backup plan, it made sense. Angel's ghost wasn't exactly keen on the idea, but if worse came to worst, Liam's wishes were irrelevant as far as Harris was concerned. The thing that bothered him, though, was that after the Slayer named Kendra had been killed during Willow's first attempt to carry out the spell, the redhead had fallen into a coma; and yet almost immediately after coming out of it, Miss Rosenberg was insisting on trying to do the soul curse again.

"I feel weird," Angel's ghost said to Xander, as he snuck into the mansion to get the kidnapped Giles out of there. "Something's wrong, I don't know what – but I feel like something's going to happen to me. Soon."

( _Could be Willow's setting up to do the curse,_ ) Xander thought to himself, as he finally found Giles and carried the tortured Watcher out of the house. ( _Well, if it works, it works. If it doesn't – God, I hope Dead Boy was right when he insisted that I tell Buffy the truth outside the mansion just now! _)

After dumping the delirious Englishman into a car outside on Crawford Street, Xander went back to the scene of the battle. Buffy was fighting Angelus and Spike was fighting Drusilla, when all of a sudden the insane female vampire let her childe go and stared hatefully at Xander. "YOU!!"

"Me?" Harris said nervously, wishing he had more than a stake with which to defend himself.

"This is all your fault, it is," Dru snarled, going into her game face. "Miss Edith says you're not my kitten no more – speaker to the lost souls, you are! Ghost whisperer, psst, psst, psst! You and the Angel-beast, you want to hurt my Daddy!"

Luckily for Xander, Spike hit Drusilla over the head with his andiron before she could say anything more or go on the attack. With barely a contemptuous look at the human, the undead guy dragged his unconscious girlfriend away, heading for the garage; his plan was for them to leave the Hellmouth behind in their car, once and for all.

As the Slayer and Angelus continued sword-fighting, Liam turned to Xander. "He's going to kill her! Buffy's stalling, I can tell; she's waiting for the curse to take effect!"

( _Great,_ ) Xander thought to himself scathingly. ( _Serves me right for thinking with my heart instead of my head a few minutes ago._ ) "So what do you suggest we do?"

"You don't know how to use one of those things. But I do," Angel's ghost said pleadingly, pointing at the flashing swords. "Please, Xander, I know you don't want me in there, and I'm not exactly happy with the idea myself – but it's the whole world at stake here! We don't have time for squeamishness now, right?"

"I already know I'm gonna regret this," Xander muttered, before he said, "Fine! Just do it already..."

After the deed was done, in the large living room Angelus was looking down at the disarmed Slayer trapped against the wall. "You know, I have to say Buff..." the soulless demon taunted, as he pressed the tip of his sword into her neck. "I was right before, you never learn. Trying to stall that way? I mean, is it me, or was your heart just not in this-?"

As Buffy felt the tip of the blade draw blood, the vampire's eyes rolled back in his head. Buffy's sword, which had been forgotten behind them, suddenly rammed its way out of Angelus's chest – thanks to Liam aiming at just the right place to incapacitate the bloodsucker.

"ANGEL!" Buffy instinctively screamed.

"He's not Angel, I am," Liam said using Xander's mouth, as he withdrew the sword out of the vampire's chest and Angelus fell to the ground.

"What?" Buffy asked in confusion, staring at her friend's possessed body. The thing was that Xander hadn't shared his secret about being able to act as a temporary way-station for spirits, ever since last year, with anyone apart from Cordelia. Thus, Miss Summers had no idea what was going on.

Liam tossed her the sword which Angelus had dropped. "It's me, Buffy, Angel. I'm possessing Xander right now, I...oh no," he said, as he spied the activated form of Acathla. The sword had been withdrawn from the demon statue, and it was only a matter of time now before the world was destroyed. "That crazy bastard, he actually pulled it off?! The Earth is gonna end up in Hell!"

"Angel? Is, is that really you?" Buffy asked in dazed wonder, she was focusing on what was truly important to her and wanting to believe that her soul mate was back. "But how-?"

"Not now!" Liam yelled. "Buffy, do you have any idea how we can shut Acathla down and save the world? Because I don't!"

Luckily, the Chosen One knew what to do, as she ordered her unexpected ally to help her get Angelus up. ( _I hope this works, I hope this works..._ )

Not all that far away at the hospital, Willow was reaching the big finale of the soul curse. She spoke the final words, "Acum! Acum!"

However, because Angel's soul was currently trapped within a mortal shell, the Orb simply exploded, spraying her, Oz and Cordelia with shards of glass and causing a lot of minor lacerations. Willow and Cordelia screamed in fear and pain, but it didn't matter; the ritual had failed, and all those present wondered numbly if that meant the planet was now doomed.

Back at the mansion, Acathla's face suddenly changed, with his brows angled down; his eyes started glowing red, and his mouth opened up. The swirling vortex to Hell appeared; small at first, but growing steadily in size and emanating a deep, red glow.

Buffy stabbed Angelus again with the blessed sword and shoved him forward, the unconscious vampire heading straight for the expanding vortex. When the two interacted, Acathla's mouth suddenly closed without so much as a spark, the vortex abruptly disappearing and taking Angelus with it.

"Is it over?" Liam asked, staring at where Acathla was lying dormant.

"I, I think so," Buffy stammered. "Angel, how did this happen?! I mean, I don't – did, did that soul ritual thingy put you into Xander's body instead of your own? I don't get why THAT would have taken place..."

"It wasn't the curse," Angel-in-Xander said with a tired tone of voice. "I think Willow tried it, but it didn't work. Buffy, as soon as I saw Angelus about to kill you, I asked Xander to let me possess him – and luckily, he agreed. Just in time."

"Huh?" Buffy simply didn't get it.

Even though Liam knew that Harris didn't want him to do it, he nonetheless explained everything. He explained how he had been hanging around for the last four months, helplessly watching everything that had happened and being able to communicate only with Xander. He then went on to explain how the young man was a very different person now to what he had been last year, in terms of what he could see and hear as a spirit medium.

"Why the HELL didn't he tell me about this?!" Buffy shouted angrily, furious at having been kept in the dark this way. "My God, what was Xander thinking?! I could have-"

"You could have what, Buffy? Demanded that Xander let me possess him before now? You don't get it; my presence here is a violation even worse than rape. Sweetheart, the only reason he let me in was that I'm a better fighter than he is, especially with the broken arm that Xander's carrying. But now that the emergency is over...it's time for me to leave."

"WHAT? NO! Angel, don't you dare!!" Buffy commanded him furiously. "I just got you back, and now you're going to take off on me again? NO WAY!"

"Buffy," Liam sighed using Xander's lungs. "Please, listen to what I'm trying to tell you. I'm dead. My body is in Hell, and my soul can't stay in here any longer; that would be a terrible crime in so many different ways..."

He forced himself to say it. "...I can't believe that you'd ever be selfish enough to think that that was a viable option."

"But, but..." Buffy said desperately.

"No, Buffy, I'm sorry – but I have to go," Angel's soul said firmly. "I love you, and I always will. I'll be waiting for you in Heaven when the time comes, but for now, it's time for us to say goodbye." The ghost used Xander's body to gently kiss her on the lips, before ascending out of the corporeal vessel and heading upwards.

Xander instantly yanked himself backwards, startling Miss Summers into her opening her eyes. "Okay, that's it! I am NEVER doing that again, end of the world or otherwise!"

"Xander?" Buffy asked uncertainly. Her shattered heart was desperately hoping that her boyfriend was still there, but deep down she knew that he wasn't; that that part of her life was over now.

"Yeah, Buff, I'm back in the driver's seat," Xander said with a freaked look on his face. "And just for the record that was Angel who just kissed you, not me – so no Slayer tantrum or payback or anything, okay? Come on, we gotta get Giles to the hospital..."

Following Xander out of the mansion, Miss Summers did her best to help her Watcher as her friend drove them to Sunnydale General. Afterwards, she drove the car back to where they'd found it, and then the Chosen One went to hole up in Rupert's condo – because Joyce had basically thrown her out of the house not long ago, warning her not to ever return if she left last night.

Less than a week later, however, Buffy was living at home again, as junior year finally finished. Willow and Oz were visiting her there, but Cordelia was with Xander at the bus station as he prepared to leave his home town.

"So you're really going," Miss Chase said in what sounded like an off-hand tone, but was actually anything but. "You're transferring to Hemery High School for senior year?"

"Yep. I'm gonna be living with my Uncle Rory over the summer," Xander said distractedly. "My parents don't mind. Actually, if anything they're glad I'm going. Bottom line, it means more money in the household budget for them to buy booze."

"So why isn't everyone else here?" Cordelia asked, looking around for a moment. "I thought there'd be, like, a huge crowd of well-wishers to see you off or whatever."

"I already did the big farewell thing with the Scooby Gang this morning," Xander replied, as his bags were stowed away on the bus. "I'm kinda surprised you didn't show up, actually. Guess you didn't know?"

"No, it's just I wanted to say goodbye in private. For some reason, I'm gonna miss you – even though you tore my heart out and stomped all over it back then," Cordelia stated, her tone suddenly icy.

Xander exhaled, figuring he should have known this was coming. "If you're referring to what happened that night between Jim and Grace, both of us were POSSESSED at the time-"

"Don't try to give me that horse hockey – you KNOW how I feel about you. And you can deny it all you want, but I know that you still feel something for me as well," Miss Chase said angrily – she simply couldn't help it.

"So what if I do? Cordelia, you look around at this bus station and see nothing unusual. Me? I see a dead wino sitting right over there," Xander pointed to a nearby empty bench. "I see a guy with his throat ripped out near the ticket booth. I see a mangled Girl Scout over by the front doors.

"Don't you get it? I see dead people, ALL THE TIME!!" he half-yelled in frustration. "Do you want to live in that sort of world? I don't, but then I really don't have a choice about it. You do. So find yourself a decent normal guy and forget about me," Harris said passionately. He then gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before grabbing his ticket and heading for the bus. "Goodbye and good luck, Cor-"

At that moment, Cordelia grabbed him and kissed her ex-boyfriend like he'd never been kissed before. There was sparkage, and fireworks, and everything else they'd once shared before Miss Chase abruptly let Xander go.

"That was for you to remember me, and to make sure you're ruined for all those other girls you'll meet in LA," Cordelia promised him. Then she slapped Xander hard enough to make his teeth rattle. "And that was for being idiotic enough to ever give me up in the first place!"

Xander blinked, dazed, as the brunette cheerleader turned around and stormed off. ( _Women..._ ) he thought to himself fuzzily.

Harris then shook his head and got on board the bus, as the vehicle started up and began to move. The young man never noticed the balance demon calling himself Whistler staring at him carefully – and likewise, Harris had no idea how when high school was over he would find himself working alongside Miss Chase again, in the employ of Doyle Investigations.

The City of Angels had no idea what was about to hit it.

***

Next: Story 24 - Yankee Horse Soldier


	24. Yankee Horse Soldier

**Date written**: Sat 24 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** This story was the product of a conversation with Matt, who suggested doing a Halloween character that no one had ever done previously. I'd never heard of the man before, most likely because I'm not an American, but after looking up his entry on Wikipedia I asked myself, 'Why not? The guy deserves to be written about'. So, here 'tis. And thanks as always to all my loyal readers who send me reviews and feedback!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 24: Yankee Horse Soldier

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Principal Snyder was glaring at a female high school student, waiting for her to volunteer to be part of tomorrow night's extracurricular activity; namely, the Sunnydale High safety program for escorting little kids on their annual trick o' treating adventures. Snyder certainly had an interesting take on the whole 'volunteer' concept, one had to admit.

The so-called Scooby Gang walked past them and, regrettably, the balding middle-aged man saw the trio do it. So once he was done with his current helpless victim, he quickly corralled Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris and 'volunteered' them to be part of the program as well.

"Gosh, I'd love to sign up; but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight," Buffy said, trying desperately to think of a way out of this.

Unfortunately, Snyder wasn't interested. "The program starts at four; the children have to be back at six." He held up the clipboard and pen, and in the face of the adult's authority, Buffy reluctantly signed up.

"Oh, we have to be going, we're late for class," Willow said hurriedly, as she grabbed Xander by the arm to haul him away.

"Hold it right there," the principal barked. "You two haven't signed up yet."

"But Principal Snyder sir, aren't you always saying how I'm such a bad influence on everything and everyone around here? So why would you want to risk ending up with a lot of mini-me's after Halloween's over?" Xander asked, after coming up with what he thought was an effective emotional appeal to Snyder's prejudices against him.

"Hmm. For once you make a good point, Harris." Snyder suddenly smiled, which quickly caused chills within all three teens. "Wait, did I forget to mention that costumes are mandatory? That's why I think you and your friends should make it a theme night for Halloween tomorrow, and I STRONGLY suggest you get costumes representing good, wholesome traditional values – something straight from the pages of American history. Who knows, Harris, maybe it'll help you improve from your status as a rotten apple around here...even though personally, I doubt it."

Still smiling, Snyder turned away to look for some fresh meat, while Buffy, Xander and Willow visibly sagged in frustration and disappointment.

***

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that afternoon**

Buffy, Willow and Xander entered the shop, still discussing what to do about their costume theme thing. "American history? What do I know about American history? I pride myself on sleeping through History class!" Xander said as the door swung closed.

"That's not really something you should be boasting about, Xander," Willow said to her romantic crush reprovingly.

"Why not? Yo, Buff, back me up here – is there anything more boring than history, apart from maybe listening to girls talk about lipstick? OW!!" Xander immediately said, as twin female hands slapped him upside the head. He then thought, ( _Note to self: remember that the femmes do not like you disparaging makeup!_ )

"Well, I'm stumped on what we should get. I...ooh, look at that!" Buffy said excitedly, staring at an 18th century noblewoman dress near the corner.

"Forget it, Buffy – remember what Snyder said? American history AND a theme night. Not only does that dress fail to qualify for the first requirement, there is no way I'm gonna dress up like someone from the days when Captain Hairgel was alive!" Xander almost shuddered in loathing.

Buffy scowled at Harris for calling her undead boyfriend that. She knew that they didn't get along and probably never would, but she was determined to change that one day. An exercise in futility, perhaps, given Xander's crush on her, but then hope springs eternal in the hearts of female teenagers.

"All right, Xander, then what do you suggest?" the Chosen One asked archly.

"I got a set of army fatigues at home. We could dress up as American soldiers?" Xander offered.

"No way," Willow shook her head at once. "My dad hates the military, he'd freak even worse than if I said I was converting to Christianity!"

"All right, let's think this through. What's a popular theme for America? I mean, when we had the International Dance a few weeks back, what did the person representing the United States dress up as?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I dressed up as an Eskimo from Alaska," Willow said uncertainly.

"Right, and I dressed up as – oh, wait, I've got it!" Xander beamed, startling the rest of the customers for a moment. "I've still got my old Manco cowboy outfit at home, serape and all. So you two should dress up as gals from the old West as well, right? It's perfect!"

"Oh, I don't know Xander..." Willow said at once, looking uncomfortable with this idea.

"Come on, Will, it'll be fun! I mean, you could dress up as...as Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman!" Xander said enthusiastically, since he knew how much of a fan Willow was of that TV show. "And Buffy, you could be...you could be..."

"Who, Xander? Like, how many blonde cowgirls do you know of?" Buffy asked sarcastically.

"Uh...Wrangler Jane!" Xander suddenly came up with something.

"Who?" Buffy and Willow asked at once.

"Jane Angelica Thrift, she was the lead female character on that old 1960's TV show, 'F Troop'? It was on syndication on Nick at Nite up until two years ago," Xander replied. Still seeing his girls look unconvinced, Xander decided to go for broke and added, "Buffy, trust me. Wrangler Jane was a kick-ass kind of girl, and she had a serious boyfriend in Captain Wilton Parmenter throughout the series-"

"Oh, wait, I remember that show now! Yeah, he was the guy that she wanted to marry, right from the start," Miss Rosenberg nodded. Personally, Willow had always thought there were some uncanny parallels in the situation between her and Xander, and Jane and Wilton. It was one of the reasons she'd liked watching the TV show, even if it had only lasted two seasons way back when.

"Okay, Wild West costumes it is. And Buffy, why don't you invite Angel to be part of our Halloween thing tomorrow? We were just talking about last night, when you found Cordelia hitting on him at the Bronze – so this would be the perfect way to get back at her! Captain Parmenter and Wrangler Jane were always meant to be!" Willow said excitedly.

"What? Oh, noooo, I don't think so," Xander said at once, shaking his head. "Seriously, Will – can you honestly see Mr. Tall, Dark and Broody dressing up in a U.S. Cavalry uniform? That guy might have actually witnessed it, back when the horse soldiers were fighting all the Chumash Indians around here!"

"I think Xander's right," Buffy mused. "But I mentioned something once about finding the local undead Ponderosa, and Angel actually laughed when I said that – huh, I guess he's more of a 'Bonanza' type of guy. That might be the better option to hit him with..."

Xander groaned to himself. Then he went up to the front counter to buy some fake cigars to go with his costume, as Buffy and Willow continued to chatter away, thinking up plans for how to best persuade Angel to be part of the Scooby shindig tomorrow night.

( _And to think, the American soldier idea was actually mine to start off with. Oh, man, WHEN will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut?_ )

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Cordelia Chase made her way outside the main school building, heading for cheerleader practice. She was not in a cheerful mood this morning, as her boyfriend Devon had flaked on her two nights in a row – so unless something fundamentally monumental happened by tonight, the brunette was thinking it was all over between them.

"Miss Chase! Miss Chase! Will you please stop for a moment?" the annoyed voice of Principal Snyder barked out, as he followed the young woman out the door. "I need to talk to you, right now."

"Yes, Principal Snyder? How can I help you today?" Cordelia turned around with a polite smile, even though she was privately thinking that Xander might have had a point with all his rants against the school commandant lately.

"We're still a bit short of volunteers for Halloween escort duty tonight. I know it's very short notice, but I need you to sign up," Snyder said simply, holding up the pen and clipboard.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Principal Snyder. But my parents and I already have plans for attending a private little soiree tonight, so I'm afraid I can't make it," Cordelia said in her most sugary voice. She left unsaid her plans to sneak away and join Devon and his band later on.

"Actually, I took the liberty of calling your parents to ask them for permission to excuse you from that Halloween party at the Mayor's residence, and they said yes," Snyder replied, getting a tingle of pleasure as he watched Cordelia's face fall. "Sign here, please. And before I forget, be sure to have a Halloween costume for the occasion."

"I already have a costume, Principal Snyder, it was part of the dress code for the party," Cordelia said evenly, not letting any of her frustration against this odious little man show.

"Well, good. What kind of costume is it, by the way?" he asked.

"It's a cat outfit."

"A cat?" Snyder asked suspiciously, before he asked to see it. Upon spying the skimpy leopard-skin unitard in Cordelia's schoolbag, the older man frowned in dislike. The school principal subsequently made a decision that would have profound implications for Cordelia's future.

"I'm afraid that costume isn't suitable for tonight's school activity, Miss Chase," he said, not at all unhappily. "I suggest you go find something else, something that's a bit more appropriate when in the presence of young children."

"I'd be glad to, Principal Snyder," Cordelia replied, trying to focus on the positives – namely the opportunity to go shopping, which was something she never got tired of. "If you'll just write a note excusing me from cheerleader practice and send it to Coach Carson, I'll go buy a new costume right now."

Grunting, Snyder nodded as he began to turn away. "Good, I'm glad that's settled. The program's from four 'til six, I'm sure you won't have any problems..." Then he paused, as if an idea had struck him. "Oh, wait, I just remembered – I told Harris, Summers, and Rosenberg to get American history costumes yesterday, for whoever or whatever they get dressed up as. So why don't you go find out exactly what they decided to wear? Buy yourself a similar outfit to theirs, and prevent any juvenile delinquency on their part tonight. You set an excellent example for this school, and those three could do with a bit of guidance on how to give a little something back to the community."

"Of course, Principal Snyder," Cordelia said respectfully, before she glared at the man's retreating back. ( _Oooh, I'll get you for this one day, you lousy toad! Damn it, let's see. Which one of the Library Loser Crowd should I approach? Buffy? Willow? Forget it, one's a complete freak and the other's a total geek. And Xander may be a loser with a capital L, but at least he can verbally spar at my level. I wonder what he decided to dress up as, anyway? I'll bet it had something to do with comic books, the big nerd..._ )

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that afternoon**

The half-day of school was over, and Buffy and Willow were gathered at her house and putting on their costumes.

"So what happened with Xander, anyway? He said to me that he couldn't make it over here today, on account of he had to deal with Cordelia?" Buffy asked her best friend, who was currently in the bathroom.

"Yeah, he said that to me too. Apparently Cordy got dragged into the festivities for tonight by Snyder, and what's more – he told her that she had to be part of our little theme night thing. So Xander had to explain what we decided on, and somehow or other, she managed to shanghai him into being her pack mule this morning." Willow knew what the Chase girl was like in full shopping mode, and in her opinion, it might have been kinder just to feed Harris to a school of piranhas.

"Huh, then I wonder what costume she eventually decided on? Knowing Cordelia, it was probably one of those showgirl types from during the Gold Rush," Buffy snorted. "Okay, Will, I'm ready. How about you?"

"Yeah, I guess," the redhead replied, and as she walked out of the bathroom both Willow and Buffy appraised each other costume's carefully. Miss Summers looked beautiful but tomboy-ish in artificial buckskins and a cowboy hat, and Willow looked reserved but regal as Michaela Quinn in her long, flowing skirt, frilly shirt and jacket.

"You look great," both female teens said at the same time, before grinning at one another. "Come on, let's go. I wanna get this thing over with, so that Angel and I can have a little alone time afterwards," Buffy added.

"He's meeting you here after trick o' treating?" Willow asked, as they headed downstairs.

"No, actually, we decided against it. Angel didn't think it would be a good idea for my mom to catch us all snuggly that way," Buffy replied.

It had taken quite a bit of effort on the Slayer's part to persuade Angel to buy a costume and participate in tonight's Halloween festival, thanks to that custom all vampires had of staying indoors for the night. And in return, Angel had successfully vetoed Buffy's plans to introduce him to Joyce as her boyfriend. This had annoyed the Chosen One, but not too much as she knew it would happen eventually. Hopefully, as soon as her 17th birthday rolled around.

"As long as I get to spend quality time with my honey, though, who cares where we end up for the night?" Buffy asked her best friend cheerfully.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**Two hours later**

Buffy should have known better than to say that by now; after all, she had been living in Sunnydale long enough to know that that really was just tempting fate.

Miss Summers was waiting for her group of children to rejoin her and Angel, who was actually wearing a U.S. Cavalry captain's uniform. The ensouled vampire had been tempted to dress up as Ben Cartwright from 'Bonanza', but after learning that Xander was doing the whole 'Man With No Name' costume thing Angel had decided it would be better to wear something else.

Even though neither Angel nor Xander knew it yet, that was rather ironic; because Xander's serape had been ruined by Cordelia spilling her drink all over it earlier that afternoon. So Harris had made the rich girl pay for a brand new costume from Partytown, a U.S. Cavalry outfit which Xander thought would be a match for Buffy's costume. Something which he hoped would finally make her see him as something more than just her Xander-shaped friend.

Granted, there was one slight hitch in that the Halloween outfit had a general's shoulder tabs instead of a captain's. But Xander figured that wouldn't matter too much. However, when Ethan Rayne's chaos spell took place a few moments later, that theory was instantly proven completely and utterly wrong.

The magic transformed its victims into the people they'd dressed up as. Throughout the entire town, everyone who had bought something from Ethan's Costume Shop was possessed by or changed into their costume. In the case of the humans, their consciousness was simply suppressed as the new personality took control and biologically speaking, nothing too much out of the ordinary happened.

In Angel's case, however, something far more exotic took place.

The fact was that soul or otherwise, he was a vampire; a dead body, a corpse, which was animated by the resident inner demon. As the chaos magic restored the body's human physiology and brought Angel back to life, his demon howled in agony and expired, unable to survive in such a physical shell.

The soul of the man once named Liam O'Reilly was still trapped within the mortal vessel, but Angelus was now dead and gone. Still, Captain Wilton Parmenter knew nothing about all that; he was just confused and disoriented as the cavalryman heard a female voice cry out, "Wilton! Wilton? Wilton, is that you?"

Parmenter turned around, and saw a blonde female dressed in his girlfriend's clothes. "Jane?"

The two TV characters looked in puzzlement at Buffy and Angel's bodies, respectively, before they noticed the complete bedlam erupting all around them. Clueless as to where they were or what was going on, the captain and the cowgirl tried to head for somewhere safe; and by curious coincidence they ran into Dr. Quinn, who was possessing Willow. Saving her life from two mini-demons who had been innocent children just a few moments previously, the trio subsequently took off on their adventure for the night.

Not far away, the possessed form of Xander Harris was staring at himself in disbelief after taking shelter under a tree. Thanks to the cigar in his mouth purchased from Ethan's shop, Major General John Buford was alive and well again tonight after perishing during the Civil War.

Buford, one of the unsung heroes of the Battle of Gettysburg, could feel no trace of the typhoid fever that had killed him in such a slow and agonizing way during 1863 – and neither could he feel any of the old war injuries that had plagued him for the last two years of his life. ( _Where the devil am I?_ )

"Xander! Xander!" a young woman dressed as Annie Oakley came rushing up towards him, some...thing hot on her heels. "HELP!"

Buford wasn't a coward. In fact, after his death he had been described as a true gentleman, a soldier, a commander, and a patriot. That was why he quickly withdrew his falchion at once to defend a lady's life with his own.

The Kentucky-born military officer felt the old rush of battle pass through him again as he charged forward to deliver a number of blows against the demon trying to devour Cordelia Chase, action which quickly convinced the monster to go find easier prey elsewhere.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" Buford asked when there was nothing immediately threatening them, even though the chaos on the streets was still raging full-blast.

"Huh? Xander, what's wrong with you, why are you calling me that?" Cordelia had gone from terrified to annoyed in almost a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but are you talking to me?" the man looked confused. "My name's not Xander. It's John Buford, General John Buford, at your service."

Looking into his eyes, Cordelia instantly knew that it wasn't a joke. She had known Xander Harris all her life, just like Willow; thus she knew that this wasn't the boy she'd grown up with and loved to ridicule at every opportunity. "Oh, boy...uh, I'm Cordelia-"

"We need to find cover, Miss Cordelia," the army man interrupted firmly, taking in her cowgirl outfit. It was quite fortunate for her she hadn't worn the cat suit, actually, as Buford might have drawn the totally wrong conclusions and shot her on sight with his .44 calibre revolver. "Do you know where we are, or a safe haven for us to go?"

"Well, this is Sunnydale...and yeah, we should head for the school, but it's too far away – we'd never make it! Ahh!!" Cordelia ducked behind him as Buford withdrew his Colt six-shooter and shot at some approaching demons. "Come on!"

The mismatched duo ran away, looking for any place that might offer sanctuary. Unfortunately, there was none to be found and the Union general and his female companion were kept on the run for nearly two hours, before they finally made it to Sunnydale High. But even after they arrived, Giles wasn't able to help much – Cordelia didn't know what to tell him other than Xander and a lot of other people in town had turned into their costumes tonight, she knew nothing about Ethan's Costume Shop. As far as the Chase girl was concerned, Harris had bought his costume at the same place she did.

Thus Giles researched fruitlessly, with Cordelia his willing if baffled assistant, while Buford went back out into the night after arming himself with Rupert's supply of weapons. Even though the British man and the cheerleader had told him that the Civil War was long since over and that he was a mere phantom over 130 years into the future, that changed little in the cavalryman's mind – he was still a soldier for the United States Army, and it was his job to save and defend civilian lives if he could.

It was almost dawn when he ran into Captain Parmenter, Wrangler Jane and Dr. Quinn. "Front and centre, Captain! Who are you?" Buford demanded roughly after spotting the man's uniform.

"Uh, Captain Wilton Parmenter, sir!" the man possessing Angel's body tried to salute, before clumsily cutting his finger against the edge of his hat. "Ow! Uh, who are you sir?"

"General John Buford, Parmenter." The general glowered at the sight of the two women examining the captain to see if he had hurt himself again tonight. "What's your status?"

"General, we're pretty much out of ammo," Wrangler Jane replied, just like Buffy would have. "But luckily, the hostiles we've been encountering all night have thinned out a lot over the past hour or so-"

At that moment, without any warning at all, the spell ended after hours of mayhem and murder. Xander, Buffy, and Willow all regained control of their bodies at the same instant as their Halloween personas vanished, they were fine apart from having to deal with the memories.

But Angel's situation was different...

As said, the chaos magic had transformed his vampire body back into human form, empowering it for as long as the spell remained in place. But now that all the mystical energy animating it was gone, the body reverted to its natural state; that of a 244-year-old corpse. And in the absence of any demonic life-force, there was only one fate possible for Angel now.

Buffy screamed in horror as her boyfriend gasped, "Buffy..." before Angel collapsed to the ground, the flesh rotting away from his bones incredibly quickly, leaving only a decaying and brittle skeleton in a U.S. Cavalry uniform on the street.

"ANGEL! NOOOO!!!" Buffy shrieked over and over again, dropping to her knees beside the bleached bones. The tears began cascading down her cheeks from this sudden and horribly gruesome loss of her boyfriend.

***

**Restfield Cemetery, Sunnydale, California**

**November 2****nd****, 1997**

Everyone was gathered for the funeral; Buffy, Willow, Giles, Cordelia and even Xander was there, standing off to the side and performing Taps on a bugle he'd borrowed from the Music club. Oddly, despite his previous lack of musical talent Harris could perform a good rendition of "Butterfield's Lullaby" now; most likely because he could remember performing the original tune during the Civil War, after it had first been played during the Peninsular Campaign of 1862.

For some reason, it felt fitting to play that bugle call here and now as, in his last moments, Angel had been a comrade-in-arms thanks to the chaos spell.

Buffy, who was wearing dark mourning clothes, looked as if she hadn't stopped crying ever since dawn on Saturday. The Slayer was also feeling a terrible sense of guilt, correctly figuring that if she hadn't persuaded Angel to dress up in a Halloween costume he'd still be around right now.

"How did this happen?" Miss Summers wheezed to Giles through her tears. "I still don't get it, why did Angel have to die that way?"

"We can only guess, Buffy," Giles shrugged helplessly, trying to comfort the daughter of his heart. He suspected that the young woman would take a long time to recover from this particular loss, if she ever did. "But most likely the, the spell or whatever it was, it must have been responsible for what happened to him."

"It still freaks me out thinking about everything that happened on Friday night," Willow shook her head slowly. She knew that the memories of being Dr. Quinn would take a long time for her to come to grips with, especially that part of being a grown-up and a mother. "Who would do something like that, Giles?"

"I don't know," Rupert admitted – although that would change soon, once Ethan showed up at the library, on the run from the demon named Eyghon. "I only wish I did – whoever it was, they certainly have a lot to answer for. Hundreds of people were killed on Friday night, or so I've heard."

"Yeah, and the latest word is that the governor's office is sending a special taskforce to the Hellmouth, to investigate what happened. I just hope they don't get themselves eaten," Miss Rosenberg said, looking concerned. She didn't have to worry, though; the incoming military unit knew all about the things which went bump in the night, and soon enough, they would arrest Ethan for manslaughter and send him to his richly-deserved fate.

Just then, Xander came over to join the rest of the group. "Buffy, you were the one who knew him best. So I guess you should be the one to deliver the eulogy, right?"

"I can't, at least not right now," Buffy shook her head. "Giles?"

"I, uh, I wouldn't know what to say, Buffy," the Watcher said helplessly. He simply hadn't been that close to Angel, unfortunately.

"Me neither," Willow spoke up, her fear of public speaking working against her.

"Don't look at me, I didn't even know he was a vampire until yesterday," Cordelia shrugged.

Xander looked appalled when all eyes turned to him. "You people want ME to do it? Guys, come on, I'm the LAST person who should be doing this!"

"Please, Xander? For Buffy, I'm sure it'd mean a lot to her," Willow asked with her Resolve Face.

Xander sighed again and he put down the bugle. "All right, fine." Taking a few moments, he then began to speak.

"The first moment I saw Angel, I was instantly jealous of him," Xander said, to no one's surprise. "We were all in the Bronze, and he had just given Buffy his leather jacket, and I was all 'who the hell is that guy?' Then Willow said his name, and I said to her, 'He's buff! He's a very attractive man, how come THAT never came up?'"

Despite her heartbreak, Buffy actually giggled for a moment at the Xander-ism, as she recalled that incident nearly a year ago. The Slayer then listened to all the other things Xander had to say: describing Angel killing his sire, Darla, in order to save Buffy's life, his saving all her friends after Marcie Ross had almost gassed them to death, his helping Xander to save her life again after the Master had drowned her, his helping to save everyone before she'd smashed the Master's bones with that mallet, even Angel coming to the rescue when she and Cordelia had been about to be sacrificed to the reptilian demon known as Machida.

"Gotta admit – that guy accomplished a lot here in Sunnydale, over the past year or so," Xander said honestly. "For almost as long as I knew him Angel was a vampire, and truth is, I never actually liked him because of that. But in the end, he got his greatest wish – to be human again, despite the whole possession thing and even if it was just for one night. Angel helped keep the people I care about alive, and for that I'm grateful to have known the guy.

"So goodbye, pal; you'll be missed, I'm sure."

There was a moment's silence before Buffy and Willow thanked him, and then the group slowly began to break up, different people going their different ways.

Willow took Buffy back to Rupert's car, trying to comfort her grieving friend. Before he drove them home Giles briefly met up with the woman known as Jenny Calendar, who was already planning to quit her job at the high school and return to her family in Eastern Europe now that her role as a spy was over. Cordelia gave Xander a lift back to the school where he returned the bugle, and then she took him to the local stables where Harris made an inquiry about getting a part-time job. Thanks to his Halloween memories, he now knew a lot both about horses and human nature.

But all that was of no interest to the balance demon named Whistler.

Later that night, he was wondering how on earth his star protégé was going to be replaced in the grand scheme of things when he noticed two vampires, a male and a female, approach Angel's grave. The woman was crying and moaning about her lost 'Daddy', while the male – with a long black leather duster and peroxide-blond hair – was just waiting impatiently for her to finish expressing her heartfelt grief.

( _Yeah, well, I guess you'll have to do,_ ) Whistler thought to himself, as he watched Spike escort Drusilla from the graveyard.

He figured that the weak female vampire would end up dust soon enough, and once that happened he could engineer some way for the British vamp to be given his soul back. Whistler didn't know how yet, exactly, but hopefully once it was done the PTBs would be able to maintain the balance they craved so much.

( _It'll take a lot of fine-tuning, and Eulogy Boy will have to be transferred out of this hell-hole to prevent him from killing you at the first opportunity, _) Whistler thought to himself. (_ But I'm pretty sure I can eventually turn you into the Powers' new Champion. If not, I guess I'll just have to find someone else..._ )

Mind made up, Whistler marched back to his car.

He had a lot of work to do, and not much time in which to do it.

***

Next: Story 25 - Aspect Of The Demon


	25. Aspect Of The Demon

**Date written**: Sun 25 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Hello all, welcome to the latest instalment and thanks as always to everyone to everyone who's been reading, reviewing and telling me what they think of these stories. The Doctor, thank you for your ideas; believe it or not I was actually planning to do a Spiderman one for this series, either Eddie or J. Jonah Jameson, but I simply couldn't think of a decent enough plot to go with it. As for Wanted, I definitely liked that scene where Wesley hit Barry in the face in with the computer keyboard! Now, moving on - Las Vegas has always been a city of interest to me, just like the story that the place was officially founded in 1905 by some people who – apparently – had nothing else to do at the time. That's why I wanted to do a fanfic where the characters ended up in Nevada, but I didn't want to rehash the events of "The House Always Wins". So here's what I came up with...

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 25: Aspect Of The Demon

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Rupert Giles, Watcher to the vampire Slayer named Buffy Summers, appeared somewhat bemused as his charge stampeded out the door, since Buffy had just finished telling him that Jenny Calendar, the Computer Science teacher, thought that he was a 'babe'.

"Well, I knew she liked me," Giles smirked to himself.

At that same moment the young man named Xander Harris came in. "Hey, Giles? What's up with Buffy, how come she ran out of here so fast just now?"

The librarian paid very little attention to him. "Hmm? Oh, well, uh, I'm sure Buffy had...something or other to take care of."

( _Yeah, right,_ ) Xander thought grouchily to himself. He was personally still a little peeved at the blonde girl for that recent humiliation within the student lounge, where the quarterback known as Larry Blaisdell had been about to beat him up until Miss Summers had sent him packing. ( _What else could go wrong today?_ )

"Actually, Xander, I'm glad you're here," Giles suddenly focused and tore himself away from daydreams of Jenny admiring his body. "As Halloween should be relatively quiet, I'm hoping you can assist me to clear things up in here so that Buffy can practise some new battle techniques tomorrow night."

"Huh? You mean, Buffy didn't tell you about the safety program thing which Snyder drafted her into this morning?" Xander asked in astonishment. "What did you guys talk about just now?"

"Errr, other things," Giles said awkwardly, instantly wanting to change the subject. "And, um, safety program, you say?"

Xander shrugged. "Yeah, it's the annual escort duty thing for little kids: take 'em trick o' treating, make sure they don't get too hyped up on sugar, get 'em back safe and sound, and wear a stupid costume, too. That reminds me, you got any ideas for anything I can dress up as on the cheap?"

"Uh, no, not really," Rupert shook his head, before he handed Xander a stack of files. "Put these in my office, will you?"

"Sure. What are they?" Xander grunted, the load did weigh quite a bit.

"Oh, uh, information updates from the Council. I believe that lot h-h-has to do with the demon situation in Los Angeles," Giles called out as he began to clear up the main table.

Somewhat intrigued, Xander carried away the files and placed them on the desk within Rupert's private office. Out of curiosity, he opened the topmost file and stared at the demon mugshot. Xander then had an idea, and stuffed the photo into his pocket before absconding from the library.

***

**Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California **

**A few hours later**

Ethan Rayne looked up as a customer walked into the store. From the looks of him, Ethan doubted that the young man could afford much and it would be hardly be worth his time to assist him in buying something, but a sale was a sale and he was feeling rather bored after dealing with all his conventional customers today. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I hope so," Xander nodded, as he came over to the British man. "I had an idea for a Halloween costume, so I was sorta wondering if you could help?"

His curiosity piqued, Ethan said, "Well, I'll certainly try. What exactly did you have in mind?"

Xander hesitated, and then brought out the photo he had 'borrowed' from the Watcher files today. "Thought I might go as something different this year. So you think I could end up looking like this, y'know, with the right face paint and fake horns?"

Ethan took a close look at the photo containing the image of a green-skinned, red-eyed demon wearing a beige suit with a cravat and holding a microphone up to its lips. Frowning, Rayne took in the dark stage curtain behind it, before staring back at Xander. The male teen frowned, unable to understand why the proprietor of the store was looking at him like that.

( _Oh, now where on earth did you find this, lad?_ ) Rayne asked himself. ( _Do you know about the real world, or are you just some fool who doesn't even know what he's holding in his hands?_ )

"Well?" Xander asked impatiently, after the silence had dragged on a bit too long.

"Ah, do please forgive me. It's just, I was rather taken in by the photograph, how genuine that actor in makeup and costume looks," Ethan said smoothly, deciding to play it safe. "Now then, I believe I can help you out, but I was wondering – would you like some red contact lenses to complete the look, or will that be just the green paint and red horns?"

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, otherwise known as the Host or "Lorne" to his friends, suddenly started as he found himself in the middle of suburbia instead of his karaoke bar named 'Caritas'. He had no idea that he was currently possessing the body of Xander Harris, or that his own body had fallen into a coma in Los Angeles; all Lorne knew was that something was very wrong, as chaos and turmoil started raging all around him.

"Xander? Xander!" he heard a female voice call out from behind him, as the Host turned around. "Are you okay?!"

"Sorry, lamb chop, but are you talking to me?" Lorne asked, as he looked around at all the humans running for their lives from the monsters chasing them. "Uh, where am I? And who are you?"

"What? It's me, Willow!" the ghost of Xander's best friend said in annoyance. "Xander, quit messing around. This is no time for jokes!"

"Cutie, do I look like I'm joking to you?" Lorne asked her. "I have no idea who you are – although by the sweet sounds of Aretha, look at you! Pure Hot-O-Rama, whoa mama! I'm tempted to offer you a job as a waitress at my club right now!"

"What?" Willow didn't look like she knew whether to be pleased and/or insulted by that. "Xander, come on-"

"The name's not Xander, sweetie," Lorne interrupted her. "Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, at your service. You can call me Lorne for short, though." The lounge demon quickly glanced around, as the street violence was getting worse. "What say we get outta here, huh? I never was much for lynch mobs..."

As Willow came closer, she suddenly saw the differences between the fake costume and the real thing. Miss Rosenberg could see that the horns were no longer just glued on, and the streaks of green and black where Xander had failed to properly apply the paint had now disappeared. Add to that the look in the non-violent demon's eyes, and Willow was suddenly convinced of the truth. "Oh no! Xander, you've been turned into your costume just like me!"

"Costume?" Lorne didn't get what she was saying. As he went to put a hand on her shoulder, the demon's green hand went straight through Willow's ghostly form and so Lorne jumped back, his heart starting to palpitate in his left butt cheek. "Whoa! Honey, why didn't you tell me that you were a ghost?"

"I'm not, at least not really! Xa- I mean Mr. Lorne, please, listen to me. Something crazy is happening! I was dressed as a ghost for Halloween, a-and now I am one. And you were supposed to be a demon of some kind, and now I, I-I guess you really are a real demon...?" Willow trailed off in sudden fright. "Uh, wait – you're not evil, are you? I mean you don't kill people or anything, right?"

"No, precious, I don't," Lorne replied, figuring that some sort of body-switching magic must have taken place if this girl was playing it straight with him. "So, just outta interest, where are we?"

"Sunnydale."

"The home of the Hellmouth? Oh boy," Lorne groaned to himself, he'd heard about this place. "Well, I suggest we find help, and fast!"

"Buffy, we need to find her – there she is!" the Willow ghost shouted, and set off across the street. "Buffy! Buffy!"

"Buffy?" Lorne asked himself as he followed the ghost girl to where an 18th century noblewoman was standing. Unfortunately, though, the possessed Slayer took one look at the anagogic demon and ran off screaming her lungs out, "DEMON! DEMON!"

"Buffy, come back!" Willow called out, as she started to run after her.

Lorne thought about chasing after them himself, but eventually, he decided against it. He decided that his priority should be to simply get out of here and go home to LA, since he wasn't the hero type – even if he wasn't a coward either.

As he ran along the streets, Lorne found himself unmolested for the most part – all the mini-demons and assorted monsters seemed totally focused on finding human victims to kill or feed on. The Host did his best to just stay out of everyone's way, until he ran smack-dab into a human girl dressed in a leopard-like cat suit being chased by a Sasquatch.

"Xander! Help me!" Cordelia Chase screamed in fear, clutching at her ruined Halloween costume.

( _There's that name again,_ ) Lorne thought to himself philosophically, as he spied the lumbering monster. "Cover your ears!" he said to the human female, even as he pushed her behind him.

"What? WHY?" Cordelia demanded, even as she instinctively obeyed orders.

The Host suddenly let loose with a single sharp tone very painful to human hearing, his voice at just the right frequency to cause the nearby street lights to shatter and explode. The Bigfoot pursuing the cheerleader stopped and covered its ears, squealing in pain as it hurriedly turned around and ran away.

"Xander, where the hell did you learn how to do THAT?" Cordelia demanded, as she removed her hands and stared around at the destroyed lights in amazement.

"Uh, excuse me? I'm afraid I'm not this Xander fellow whom you and that Willow girl have apparently mistaken me for," Lorne said politely. He noticed Cordelia back away at once, so he held out his hand for a handshake. "Hi, I'm Lorne, and you are...?"

"Cordelia Chase," the young woman replied, still backing away and looking ready to bolt at any moment.

"Pleasure to meet you. Uh, are you sure you're gonna be alright, miss? Your, uh, Halloween costume appears kinda damaged there," Lorne pointed out, before he took off his jacket and offered it to her. "I promise you, I don't bite; I'm not that kind of demon."

"Okayyy," Cordelia said slowly, before snatching the jacket and putting it on gratefully. "Well, thanks. But I've got to get going-"

"Good for you. I'm heading for Los Angeles myself; this town isn't exactly my idea of restful holiday spot, you know," Lorne shuddered. "Look, are you sure you can find somewhere safe to spend the night? A beautiful young thing like yourself – there's a lot of creatures running around tonight that would love to make mincemeat out of you. I know, I've seen 'em!"

Cordelia finally became convinced that this wasn't Xander Harris playing a trick on her, as she knew that the day her old kindergarten nemesis would pay her a compliment like that would be the day Hell itself froze over. "Wait, mister...Lorne, was it? I'm probably insane for doing this, but you did save my life just now and all, so – maybe I can trust you to help me out a bit more here? See, I have to get to the local high school library, talk to Giles – he'll know what's going on, I'll bet!"

"Who's this Giles person?" Lorne asked curiously.

"Uh, the librarian – and, and he's this Watcher guy from England," Cordelia confessed, deciding to that if she'd come this far she may as well trust Lorne with that secret as well.

"Watcher? As in the Watchers Council, the people who control the vampire Slayer? Oh, buttercup, I'm sorry, but I don't think so," Lorne shook his head, as he had recently thrown one of the Council scouts out of his club for planning an attack to burn Caritas down to the ground. "I've learned things about those guys recently, and their philosophy is to slay people like me first and ask questions, like, never!"

"No, Giles is okay," Cordelia insisted, feeling the strangest urge to defend the Englishman. "Well, he's a complete stuffed shirt and a bit of a British fuddy-duddy, but apart from that, he's all right. As far as I know, he's never sent Buffy out to kill anyone or anything that didn't deserve it, anyway."

"Buffy?" Lorne asked, recalling the name from earlier in the evening.

"The blonde wonder who slays vampires, Chosen One and all that," Cordelia shrugged.

"Uh, then I think there may be a problem. Last I saw, that Willow girl was chasing after her, and the vampire Slayer was screaming in fear at the sight of me," Lorne reported, his features looking suddenly troubled.

"Well, great," Cordelia threw her arms up in indignation. "So now what do we do?"

"I guess talk to your Watcher friend, for starters," Lorne decided. "Please, lead the way."

***

**Outside Caritas, Los Angeles, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

Halloween was over, and as Xander and Cordelia pulled up outside the abandoned building in Miss Chase's car, Harris couldn't help thinking about everything that had happened last night.

Lorne and Cordy had arrived at Sunnydale High at roughly the same time Giles had become convinced something was seriously wrong, since the phones being out of commission and the sight of people running around willy-nilly outside the school were pretty much proof of it. Unfortunately, Willow hadn't been in any position to abandon the terrified Lady Buffy, and so, with her absence, Lorne had eventually asked Giles to sing for him. There was nothing else he could think of to put the Watcher on the right path to stop the carnage happening in Sunnydale.

Luckily, it had worked and Giles had soon found his old 'friend', Ethan. Beating him halfway to a pulp, Rupert had eventually obtained the knowledge he'd sought and smashed the two-headed bust of Janus in the back room of the shop. This had caused Lorne to wake up in his body and Xander to resume control of his body, amongst other things.

"Well, here we are," Cordelia said, as she switched off the ignition. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Positive, Cordy-kins," Xander replied absently, eyes fastened on the building he knew so well and yet had never actually seen before now. A quick slap to the back of his head quickly made Harris focus, though.

"Don't call me that," the Chase girl said to him angrily. "Damn it, Xander, stop acting like you're still – him!"

"I'm sorry, Cor, but I can't help it," Xander shook his head. "This feels so weird, I know everything that Lorne does – his entire life is like an open book to me. I gotta talk to him; see what exactly he remembers about last night, if anything." With that, Xander got out of the car and entered the building, eventually making his way down some stairs to the demon club.

"Well, hello, pilgrim! I've been expecting you," Lorne said as he spied Harris, he was at the bar treating himself to a Hawaiian Sea-Breeze. "So you're Xander Harris, huh? Pleasure to finally meet you face-to-face, so to speak."

"Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan," Xander marvelled, as he came further into the bar. "Do ya mind if I call you Lorne?"

"Go ahead, Xander-cake – just as long as there are no Lorne Greene jokes, okay?" the Host said warningly.

"Darn, and here I had all those zingers concerning Commander Adama of Battlestar Galactica primed and ready to go," Xander wisecracked.

Lorne snorted in amusement. "Kiddo, that sense of humour of yours is gonna get you in trouble one day, you mark my words about that."

"MY sense of humour? And here I thought you had me beat hands down. Hey, I remember that prank you and that guy Blix played on Constable Narwek, way back when..." Xander trailed off as he saw the Host's face. "I was you for quite a few hours last night, Lorne. I remember everything – Landok, Numfar, your parents. Man, and here I thought MY family defined dysfunctional, but what your mom did to you..."

"Don't concern yourself about that," Lorne shook his head, briefly wishing that his life story wasn't so accessible to the human. "Now, onto more germane business. You know what's coming next, don't you?"

"You want me to sing for you?" Xander could easily guess what the anagogic demon had in mind. However, he didn't look especially keen on the concept. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Lorne? I live in Sunnydale. Odds are, the only thing you're going to get is an idea of how quickly I'm gonna die, before I graduate high school."

"Now, you stop being so negative," the Host chided him. "You should know better than that, Xander, I'm just gonna put you on your right path in life. Come on, hit me!"

Harris did so with one of his favourite Willie Nelson ballads, but he stopped almost immediately after he noticed the green demon's facial expression. "What, what's wrong?"

"Well, this is a first. I can't get a read off of you at all," Lorne said in amazement. "I'm sorry, my little strudel, I don't know why – but there you have it..."

"Hey, do you think it's because I was you during last night?" Xander asked after a burst of insight. "I know how you can't do a reading on yourself, so maybe there's been some sort of...residual Lorne-like spill-over?"

"Could be," Lorne nodded, before he looked over to the front door. "Cordelia, enchanté! Please, come in!"

Miss Chase looked hesitant as she did so, staring at Lorne the whole time. The young woman had gotten tired of waiting in the car for Xander, and decided not to stay there anymore. "Uh...hi, Lorne. Nice to see you again, I guess," Cordelia shrugged, looking around the club. "Nice place too, if you're into the whole demon nightclub scene."

"Thank you, Cordy-kins," Lorne said graciously, causing a smirk to appear on Xander's face even as Cordelia scowled at him. "Oh, now what was that? A bit of tension between you and Alexito, here?"

"No, just Xander being his usual dumbass self," Cordy replied. "So. Are you done here yet, doofus?"

"Not quite yet," Lorne interjected, sensing the antagonism between the two, as well as hints of subconscious physical attraction. "Cupcake, please – won't you and Xander sing a duet for me?"

"Lorne, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" Harris demanded, before Cordelia got the chance to say anything. "I'd rather dunk my head into a vat of acid or boiling oil, rather than hear her sing! You should have heard Cordelia's mangling of Whitney Houston at our school talent-less show last year!"

"Shut up, Xander! Everyone was moved to tears by my recital of 'The Greatest Love Of All' back then!" Cordelia shouted angrily.

"Those were tears of pain, Cordy, not tears of joy! There's a BIG difference!" Harris glared at her.

"Loser!"

"Moron!"

"Coward!"

"Nympho!"

"Okay, okay, kids, time out here," Lorne quickly interjected, as the two humans looked ready to come to physical blows. The demon could also smell those rampant teenage hormones boiling over, confirming his suspicions that both of them were physically attracted to one another. "Before this ends in a scene straight out of 'Cheers' or 'Moonlighting', I need you two to calm down, capisce? Now, Cordelia, there's a reason why I want to hear you sing. So please, do it as a personal favour to me, huh? And Xander, studmuffin, same for you."

Glaring at one another, Xander and Cordelia reluctantly agreed, even though Harris didn't know why he was bothering – he had no interest in what Cordy's future held for her, and he figured Lorne wouldn't be able to read him again now anymore than he could before.

But as they started to sing something out of the U2 oeuvre, Lorne quickly backed off, looking horrified.

"What?" both teens asked the Host at the same time.

"Oh, boy," Lorne quickly went back to the bar and gulped down the rest of his Sea-Breeze, wishing that his species could get drunk.

"I know that look. What did you see, and how bad is it?" Xander demanded at once, even as Cordelia stared at him in surprise.

"I saw too much and not enough, and it was plenty bad, kimosabe," Lorne replied as he put down the glass.

"Well?" Cordelia asked after a few moments. "Come on, mister, let's hear it!"

"Oh, honeybunch, I'm so sorry," Lorne said apologetically. "But when you and my boy Harris here bared your souls to me just now, I saw a lot of pain and heartache coming your way in the future. Cordelia, if you come back to this city after high school's over for the whole Hollywood actress thing, well..."

"What?" Xander asked in mounting concern.

"I saw you, pardner, with this hideous-looking eyepatch over your left peeper at a graveyard not far from here. You were what, somewhere in your late twenties? Anyway, you were laying some flowers on a grave, and the tombstone read 'Cordelia Chase, RIP, 1981-2004'," Lorne said sadly.

"WHAT?" Cordelia screamed loudly, as Xander looked stunned at the Host's words. She added, "If this is a joke, demon guy, it's not funny!"

"He's not joking, Cor, I can tell," Xander said hollowly. "So did you see anything else? Like how I lose my left eye, or how Cordy dies exactly?"

"Sorry, kids," Lorne rubbed his forehead. From their auras, he knew that destiny had suddenly changed in a major way, even though he had no idea that there was a higher being currently very pissed at him for foiling her plans. "All I know is what I've told you. So take my advice, Cordelia; you find yourself a decent guy after high school is over, marry him, have a whole bunch of kids and most important of all – make sure you stay out of this city for the rest of your life."

Upset, Miss Chase quickly ran out of the karaoke bar, with Xander deciding to follow her to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

***

**The Harris residence, Sunnydale, California**

**May 25****th****, 2002**

As he got up from bed four and a half years later Xander asked himself, ( _How did I get here?_ ) He splashed some water in his face within the bathroom and thought to himself, ( _How the hell did my life ever end up like THIS?_ )

It was a good question, actually.

One with an answer whose roots could be traced back to that fateful meeting with the Host of Caritas, all those years ago. Because that was the point where everything had changed, and not necessarily for the better.

Cordelia had left town after high school graduation, almost completely penniless after her family had been stripped of all its wealth by the IRS. Recalling Lorne's prophecy of her future, she hadn't gone to LA, much to the displeasure of the higher being that soon enough would call itself Jasmine; the former Queen C had gone elsewhere, and so the fallen Power had arranged to curse another poor woman with vision powers in Cordelia's place.

But all that had meant nothing to Xander, as he'd had his own problems to deal with.

Ever since the end of junior year, Xander had found himself slowly but surely slipping away from his friends. During the final year of high school and the first year of college, Willow and Buffy had stopped treating Xander as 'one of the girls', and he'd found himself at somewhat loose ends. Things had changed a little after he'd gotten involved with a former vengeance demon named Anya Jenkins, but ever since Xander's failed wedding to her, it had become obvious things could never again be what they once were.

Because Harris had witnessed Anya screwing Spike, the same soulless vampire with whom Buffy had been having sex with for months, and Willow had tried to kill him on Kingman's Bluff about three weeks ago.

It was all the fault of the late and unlamented Warren Mears, whose attempted murder of Buffy and unintended killing of Tara Maclay had sent Willow off the deep end. She had tried to destroy the world after flaying Warren alive, and Xander still bore the scars of stopping her. Both physically and mentally, since all that mystical energy the über-witch had shot at him had changed Harris both inside and out – even if he didn't know it yet.

Just then, the phone rang and Xander answered it. "Hello?"

# Xander, it's me, # the somewhat strained voice of Buffy Summers could be heard from the other end of the line. # How are you today? #

"It's a Saturday, Buff. I'm still feeling a bit out of it," Xander replied curtly.

# You went out drinking again last night, didn't you? # Miss Summers' voice was suddenly very accusatory.

"So what if I did? I'm over twenty-one, nowadays, in case you've forgotten. Maybe I felt like getting tanked and going to Vegas for the weekend," Harris replied in annoyance. He knew his friend was only trying to help, but he honestly wasn't in the mood for it right now.

# I thought you were coming with me today to help me pick out a new carpet, y'know, for the upstairs bedroom? # Buffy asked. She and her little sister Dawn had finally given up trying to get all of Tara's bloodstains out of it after what had happened a few weeks back.

"Buffy, you know damn well that the last time you forced me into coming along for that sort of thing, all the salespeople assumed we were a married couple picking out the carpets and curtains together," Xander retorted harshly. "Sorry, but that's one chore you're going to have to handle by yourself from now on."

Buffy was silent for a few moments. # All right, have it your way. So, uh, what's the what concerning Anya? Have you seen her ever since Willow and Giles left for England? #

"Yeah, in the Bronze once or twice, talking to a lot of upset women. She's gone back to her vengeance demon roots with a vengeance, I'd say," Xander sighed, angry with himself for still caring about Anya even though he figured it was totally over between them.

# That's too bad, # Buffy said sadly. # Look, Xander, take my advice and try to get out of the house during the weekend, okay? Don't just sit at home and stare at all the empty beer bottles – you're not doing yourself any favours drinking that way. #

"I know, I know," Xander said wearily. "You're right, Buffy. Tell you what, I'll keep Dawn company while you go do the carpet thing, the whole Vegas idea can wait another week or two for summer vacation."

***

**Las Vegas Boulevard, Las Vegas, Nevada**

**June 7****th****, 2002**

( _Now THIS is what I need to help me relax a little,_ ) Xander thought to himself in delight, as his car travelled down the highway and passed the 'Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada' sign. He saw the brightly-lit fronts of the Mirage, the Riviera and the Stardust hotels, and figured he should find himself a place to stay for the evening – even though it was a Friday night, and the odds were that just about every place that he could afford would be packed full.

( _Ah, never mind,_ ) Xander mused as he headed south down the boulevard in the general direction of the airport. ( _I_ _got a whole weekend to kill, I'm sure I'll find some- whoa!_ ) Xander pulled over to the side of the road, as he spied a huge billboard advertising the Tropicana hotel.

Not to mention, the smiling face of Cordelia Chase.

( _Okay, I wasn't expecting this,_ ) Xander thought to himself, as he decided to check it out at once. ( _Now what's_ _Cordelia doing here in Sin City? Man, I haven't even thought about her in years..._ )

It was true enough; that particular woman was just part of his past now, and had been ever since high school. But Xander was suddenly reminded of the reading Lorne had done that morning after Halloween '97, and frowned; 2004 wasn't all that far away nowadays, eighteen months and counting.

( _I better check it out, just in case._ )

***

**3801 Las Vegas Boulevard, South Las Vegas, Nevada**

**A short while later**

The Tropicana Resort & Casino was located on the Las Vegas Strip, on the corner of the Boulevard and Tropicana Avenue. It had the most hotel rooms of any intersection in the world, and it was an extremely busy place just about 24/7. That was why Xander had had some difficulty in finding somewhere to park, and actually getting into the resort-casino.

But once he did, the young man decided he had to enjoy himself a little before seeking out Cordelia and attending the upcoming show by Blue Man Group, so he hit the blackjack tables.

"I wanna double-down, then hit me," Xander told the croupier. He stared at his cards, and decided to let all his chips ride on this.

"Are you sure, sir?" the casino employee replied with a frown, looking at all the money.

"Yeah, I – no, wait! I'll be back!" Xander said quickly, grabbing all his chips and stuffing them into his pockets. He said to the other patrons alongside him, "Somebody, finish out my hand. Lorne!!" Xander called out, having seen the green demon in disguise with a fedora and sunglasses. "Hey, Lorne, wait up!"

"Xander? On, my little chickadee, what are you doing here?" the former Host of Caritas asked in surprise. He hadn't seen Harris in about a year, ever since that nasty little trip back to the old home town of Pylea.

"What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here? Why aren't you at Caritas?" Xander wanted to know.

"I'm here to meet someone with regard to performing at this here fine establishment. And as for Caritas, I've given up trying to rebuild it – after it was demolished for the third time in the last twelve months," Lorne rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.

"What?" Xander asked in confusion.

Lorne briefly launched into a horror story of violence and wanton destruction of his property, which had culminated in him deciding to abandon the City of Angels and head out of the state for a new beginning here. In return, Xander filled the singing demon in on the details of his own life over the past year or so, which quickly got Lorne's sympathy.

"Oh, buckaroo, you've had it mucho tough lately. But never mind; I get the feeling that this is the hand of destiny working here," Lorne said, clapping a hand on Xander's shoulder. "You and me together again, especially with your girl Cordelia also somewhere in this hotel..."

"She's not MY girl," Xander corrected him at once. "And frankly, I don't know what to say yet to Cordelia once I-"

"Xander?"

Both Harris and Lorne turned around to see Miss Chase dressed as a Vegas showgirl; she was staring at Xander with a surprised look on her face. "It's really you!" Then Cordy turned to Lorne and said, "Oh, wait a minute, I remember you too! You were the demon guy who warned me never to set foot in Los Angeles again, all those years ago!"

Xander stared at his former classmate, mouth hanging open. "Cordelia, is that YOU?"

"Yeah, of course it's me," the young woman frowned. "What, you don't recognize me?"

The snarky tone was instantly enough to convince Xander that Cordelia hadn't changed too much, despite the wardrobe and a big growth spurt in her chest area. In the old days, that had been pretty much where his elevator had always stopped in her building; and now that delectable, scrumptious pair of breasts were exerting their old magnetic pull on his peepers again.

"Cordy, I saw your face on this billboard as I came into town, I knew you were a celebrity of some kind – but I didn't know you were working here as a showgirl!" Xander said, finally managing to focus on her face.

"Well, what can I say? I wanted to get into show business, New York was a bust and it was made abundantly clear to me Hollywood was off-limits if I wanted to live, so there was no other choice but to come here. It's not too bad, actually, I make pretty decent money performing...oh, sorry, I gotta go!" Miss Chase yelped, seeing a fellow cast member waving at her. "My show's about to start. Xander, I'll see you afterwards – you too, Mr. green mojo guy!"

"Hubba, hubba," Lorne snickered, as both he and Xander watched Cordelia depart. "Xander, close your mouth; odds are you'll get flies in there!"

Harris nodded, quickly doing so. "What the hell's the matter with me, Lorne? I'm not interested in that sort of thing right now, I mean it's gonna take AGES for me to get over what happened with Anya. But, but just the sight of Cordelia wearing that dress, if you could even call it that..."

"Honeysuckle, welcome to the wonderful world that's Vegas," Lorne chortled, steering Xander away for a drink at a nearby bar. "Hawaiian Sea-Breeze?"

"No, I've been drinking too much lately as it is," Harris decided, finally starting to put the problems of the past behind him. "Hey, you interested in blackjack?"

***

**Low-key and out-of-the-way dive, Las Vegas, Nevada**

**June 8****th****, 2002**

Xander stared in shock as Lorne started singing – and then the visions started appearing in the young man's head.

As said, it was all Dark Willow's fault that day on Kingman's Bluff – the supernatural energy from the life-force of the Earth being funnelled into Xander's physical form, it had changed him in ways that he still didn't understand. The latest surprise tonight involved discovering how Lorne's empathic powers had been reborn within him; Xander could now see people's auras as well as their futures when they sang, including that of the former Host of Caritas.

( _Holy shit,_ ) Xander thought to himself, as the aura colours danced and the images played within his mind's eye. ( _Is this actually happening?_ )

"Hey, Xander, you want a drink?" the slurred voice of Cordelia Chase sounded in his ear, disrupting his concentration. Xander turned to face her in annoyance, but there was little point in getting angry; Cordy had gotten plastered in order to forget the horrible day she'd had at work, and despite the past, she was using him as a shoulder to cry on.

"Thanks, but no thanks, Cordy," Xander said, turning back to stare at Lorne – and also glancing at a second-rate magician named Lee DeMarco, who was also scheduled to perform tonight. That wannabe crime lord was someone Xander had foreseen as trouble with a capital T.

"Why not? I hate to drink alone," Cordelia said in that sadly drunken tone of voice.

"'Cause I'm trying to cut back on the sauce, that's why. Buffy's got a point about me drinking too much lately," Xander replied, still keeping an eye on DeMarco.

"Oh, yeah, I'd almost forgotten. All hail the almighty Buffy, she who can do no wrong in your book," Cordelia said with sudden contempt, having another drink.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xander demanded, finally focusing on Cordelia completely.

"Oh, please Xander! You think I've blanked out what things were like in high school? You followed that girl around like a lost puppy, desperate for any scrap of her affection, and I doubt things have changed much since then. It's pathetic!" Miss Chase snorted.

"Well, for once in your life, you're completely and utterly wrong," Xander said with a hollow tone of voice. "Let's just say the whole hero worship thing has taken a bit of a battering ever since I learned about her and Spike, and the attempted rape last month."

Cordy did a classic spit-take. "Say what?"

Xander briefly explained, not wanting to go into details about Buffy and Spike's romantic liaisons. As Lorne finished his set and disappeared backstage, Harris saw DeMarco follow him; and the Sunnydale construction worker knew the time to act had come. Harris just ordered Cordelia to stay put, and set off.

"So, listen. I know a few people over at the Tropicana," Lee said to Lorne within the communal dressing room. "And Lorne, buddy, you've got talent. What do you say I hook you up with this guy over there named Spencer? We're talking star billing, three shows a night, your own private room..."

"I sure as hell don't think so. Lorne, get away from him!" Xander's voice barked out.

"What? Xander, what are you talking about?" Lorne turned to face his human friend.

"Get him to sing for you, and you'll see it for yourself," Xander answered, glaring at Lee. "This asshole recently got his hands on a mystical artefact that can steal people's destinies; he's planning to start some damned 'futures trading' scheme! Lorne, he'll eventually force you to ruin people's lives if we don't stop him-"

DeMarco panicked, pulling out a gun and holding it to Lorne's head. Everyone in the dressing room screamed and panicked at the sight of it, quickly running out the door. DeMarco paid no attention to them as he grabbed the Pylean demon to use him as a hostage and demanded, "How the hell did you know all that, punk? Have I got a leak in my organization somewhere?"

Xander said nothing as Lee edged towards the door, dragging his hostage along. "Well?" DeMarco demanded.

"You ain't getting nothin' out of me," Xander told him bluntly.

Lee decided to change tactics, he quickly clubbed Lorne unconscious and aimed the gun at Harris. "Let me guess, you got some sort of second sight deal going, right? Psychic of some kind? Good, I could use someone like you on the payroll."

"Mister, I don't fricking think so."

"Xander, what's going on here-? HEY!!" Cordelia seemed to sober up fast as Lee grabbed himself a new hostage.

"Let me put this another way...Xander, is it? You don't co-operate, I'll fill her full of bullets right here and right now," Lee promised his enemy.

"Hey, let go of me!!" Cordelia started struggling.

"Cordy, knock it off!" Xander said, because he had just gotten an idea. A half-baked one, maybe, but an idea nonetheless. "Just do what I tell you, okay? You remember – like during Halloween, when you were being chased by that Bigfoot?"

It took a moment for Cordelia to get it, but then she clapped her hands over her ears just before Xander screamed. That high, piercing note, just like the one back on that memorable Halloween four years previously, nearly incapacitated Lee before Xander rushed over and the two men started struggling for control of the gun.

"XANDER!!" Miss Chase screamed after a single gunshot rang out in the dressing room. Her heart in her mouth, Cordelia almost wept with relief when it was DeMarco who collapsed to the floor with a look of shock on his face. He then lay still, eyes wide open.

"Oh my God. We, we better call the cops, and-and an ambulance," Xander said with a similar look of shock on his face, staring numbly at the flecks of blood on his hands.

***

**Tropicana Resort & Casino****, South Las Vegas, Nevada**

**June 9****th****, 2002**

As Xander woke up with a hangover, he had only a vague recollection of the last twenty-four hours.

Last night, the Las Vegas PD had arrived to investigate the death of Lee DeMarco, and the coroner's meat wagon had come to take away the body. After talking to all the witnesses and taking their statements, the police lieutenant in charge of the investigation had decided that, all in all, it was a pretty open-and-shut case; a deranged nut pulls out a gun in public, tries to take hostages, and gets shot in a struggle with a Good Samaritan tourist. Almost certainly no charges would be laid, and Xander was free to go home, pending further investigation.

After taking Lorne home and making sure he was alright after the demon recovered consciousness, Xander had almost lost it. Whatever the circumstances, he had killed a man; and so Harris had decided to take Cordelia's advice on how to try to deal with that.

"Xander? OH MY GOD!!" Cordelia's voice screamed in his ear, causing him to wince in pain from the hangover. "Why the hell am I in bed with you?"

"I don't know, I don't remember," Xander admitted, his head pounding as he turned to face the brunette alongside him. He vaguely recognized this place as Cordelia's bedroom at the resort-casino. "Do you?"

"NO!" Cordelia said in great panic. She'd had nightmares about this very situation ever since she'd arrived in Las Vegas. "Oh my God, did we-?"

Xander tried to remember. "I don't think so. Besides," he said, examining himself under the covers, "I think I've still got all my clothes on. You?"

Cordy did the same thing. "Yeah. Me too."

Harris shrugged. "Well, there you go. We had too much to drink, and then we must have just passed out on the bed. No big deal."

"NO BIG DEAL?!" Miss Chase screamed. "What time is it? Oh, thank God today's Sunday and it's my day off. I can't believe the last two days though, it's been like high school all over again! Now get up and get out of my bedroom, will you? I need to take a shower, and forget about the Saturday night from hell!"

Grumbling, Xander did so – only to discover that he was wearing a formal tuxedo and Cordelia was wearing a white wedding dress.

For a moment, no one said anything as the newlyweds stared at themselves, and then at each other with their mouths open. Then in perfect sync, both of them said at the same time: "OH – MY – GOD!"

Most likely Anya Jenkins couldn't have pulled off a more fitting form of vengeance, than what Xander had just carried out on himself.

***

Next: Story 26 - Great Rao!


	26. Great Rao!

**Date written**: Mon 26 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Howdy everyone, welcome to the latest fic. This story originally arose from a conversation with Nodakskip on writing a BtVS/Superman crossover story. He suggested a storyline involving elements of 'Smallville', but there were insurmountable problems with that scenario, since I've never actually seen an episode of that TV show. Anyway, eventually I came up with this, which I hope you'll enjoy; eternalfox92680, I know it's not Superboy and Wonder Girl like you requested, but it was the best I could do. And The Doctor, thank you for your kind words regarding the previous story! Thanks to everyone else too who read or reviewed or sent me feedback, you have no idea how much it helps at this stage of the series.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 26: Great Rao!

**A higher dimension inhabited by the Roman deity named Janus**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

Janus was, to put it quite bluntly, absolutely bored.

Unique amongst his peers, the Roman god possessed the ability to see into the future as well as into the past, and so boredom was an unavoidable consequence of the higher being's foresight. After all, if from your point of view everything has 'already happened', where is there room for excitement? A bit of spontaneity? A chance to cut loose and simply enjoy being alive?

"I see that you have still yet to learn the most important lesson of all – to live in the present, instead of the future or the past."

Surprised for the first time in millennia, Janus turned to face his visitor. "You? How is it I didn't foresee this coming? And I thought you would have been dead by now. All your worshippers have been extinct for centuries, after all."

"Not all of them," the higher being calling itself Rao shook its head. "And as for how I managed to hide myself from your senses, that is my secret – for now. You should note, however, that since I was able to accomplish such a thing, then no doubt others will eventually do so as well; which should hopefully shake you out of your ennui, thinking that nothing can take you by surprise anymore."

"You haven't changed much in the past ten thousand years, have you?" Janus sniffed. "Still, I concede the point. And rules are rules, you managed to do what I thought was impossible – so now I owe you a debt. Name your price."

"One of your high priests is planning to do a spell tomorrow night, during All Hallows' Eve. Do not interfere with my manipulations surrounding that event and assist me in upsetting the plans of those so-called Powers That Be, and you can consider the debt between us settled."

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Xander Harris knew he was going to do something drastic if he heard one more little kid say to him, 'your Superman costume's all wrong!' Because he had wanted to do something different for Halloween this year, and so hadn't dressed up as a soldier or the Man of Steel for tonight's escort duty. Rather...he'd chosen someone else.

Even though not even his closest friends knew it, Xander was a big fan of the actor Marlon Brando for his award-winning roles such as Colonel Kurtz in 'Apocalypse Now', and Vito Corleone in 'The Godfather'. So he had dressed up as one of Marlon Brando's most famous movie roles ever; the Kryptonian scientist, Jor-El. Father of Kal-El, or as he was more popularly known, Superman.

Xander scratched at the symbol adorning the front of his white costume, the familiar 'S' shield which represented the official seal of the House of El. It had been pure luck he'd seen it in Ethan's Costume Shop yesterday, or so he thought. Xander had no idea that there were plans within plans within the higher realms tonight, and both Rao and Janus were about to make life...interesting.

At the costume store, not all that far away from where Xander and his friends were walking along the streets, Ethan Rayne was nearing the end of his ritual for tonight.

Outside, a cold wind started to blow. Ethan looked up and started to say, "Showti-" when he felt something go terribly wrong. "NO!!"

Too late.

The surge of mystical energy from Janus and Rao was too much for his relatively frail mortal body to handle, and as the backwash exploded through him, like a burned-out capacitor Ethan simply exploded in a rain of blood and gore.

But his sacrifice was not in vain: four people whose current destinies sucked almost beyond imagination were abducted by Rao and sent elsewhere and elsewhen, according to the bargain he had struck with Janus.

Xander Harris.

Buffy Summers.

Willow Rosenberg.

And last but not least, Cordelia Chase.

***

**The residence of Jor-El, Kryptonopolis, the planet Krypton**

**Many centuries before Halloween '97**

Far away from the confines of Earth's solar system, there existed a blue-white planet called Krypton. This Krypton was not one that Xander Harris would have readily recognized, comic geek that he was. It had an alien white terrain of jagged frozen plateaus, stretching broadly under heavy, dark skies – with a red supergiant sun rapidly heading towards becoming a supernova.

The citizens wore electric-white body suits emblazoned with the crest of each family's House seal, just like in the 1978 movie. The people also went about their daily lives, having no idea that as things stood, within three years – their planet would be utterly destroyed, and only four survivors would eventually make their way to Earth: a baby, and three convicted criminals.

The scientist known as Jor-El – the REAL Jor-El, at least in this dimensional neck of the woods – examined the transparent crystal he held in his hand, as his fiancée, Lara-Van, welcomed his brother, Zor-El, and sister-in-law, Allura, into his house. He then reluctantly put the crystal down, and joined the rest of the family – as outside, the red sun began to pulse in the sky.

"Greetings, Jor-El. How does your work progress, brother?" Zor-El said, assessing the situation quickly the way he always did. His older sibling may have been the one elected to the Science Council for his sheer brainpower, but the younger son of Seyg-El had the people skills which Jor-El lacked, and which had helped Zor-El become the leader of his own city.

"Not well," Jor-El frowned in reply to the question. "The other members of the Council continue to reject my request for launching the satellite network I need to monitor the recent quakes and other planetary disturbances. I can't understand their attitude, quite frankly."

"Of course, it cannot possibly be due to the fact that Vond-Ah has questioned the need for such a thing, given the other urgent demands for public money – such as schools, hospitals and the like?" Allura asked innocently.

"I find it doubtful. Especially since she has also challenged Jor-El's interpretation of the data for all three of his latest academic publications," Lara smirked at her future sister-in-law.

"I warned you about her back when you were students studying together, brother," Zor-El reminded his sibling. "And your rejection of Vond-Ah's proposal for a joint study of subatomic particles – a thoroughly wise decision on your part, let me add – most likely only fuelled her current animosity towards you even further."

"There...may be elements of truth in what you all say," Jor-El admitted uncomfortably, grabbing the lapels of his robe. "However, Vond-Ah is a respected scientist of the highest order. I find it difficult to believe that personal feelings would sway her judgment to the extent all of you appear to be implying."

"Truly, you have an immense task ahead of you after you marry Jor-El in three days' time," Allura said to Lara with a brief head-shake. "Sometimes, I wonder how my brother-in-law ever managed to actually notice you as a woman in the first place."

"Didn't I ever tell you that story? He had gotten himself trapped in the Phantom Zone, the very first day he discovered it. Jor-El was most fortunate that I entered his laboratory and disconnected the main control crystal – otherwise, most likely he would still be trapped in there," Lara fought not to laugh.

Jor-El would have gone red with embarrassment, but at that moment the sun finished pulsing in the sky outside – and four flashes of white light appeared in the house. When they disappeared, the bodies of Xander, Buffy, Willow and Cordelia fell to the floor – the teenagers unable to cope with the crushing gravity, as they started screaming in pain.

"All of you, quickly! Sedate them!" Jor-El called out, as he passed along some vials of knock-out gas. Since Buffy was the vampire Slayer, it required two doses to knock her out, but before long, she was mercifully unconscious like all the others. "Now help me take them to my laboratory. Something is very wrong here!"

None of the other three were willing to argue with that, as the bodies of the Scooby Gang members were already beginning to show terrible signs of wear and tear. The Kryptonians did their best, but it still took some time before the earthlings could be loaded into the laboratory's anti-gravity chamber; and by that point it was too late, all four had been too badly injured by Krypton's greater gravity.

"Who are they?" Allura asked in confusion, as Jor-El put the Scooby Gang into stasis in order to save their lives. She pointed at Buffy, Willow and Cordelia before saying, "I have never before seen clothing such as that which the females are wearing." This was hardly unexpected; since a Goth girl outfit, a leopard-like cat costume and an 18th century noblewoman gown were hardly the norms of Kryptonian fashion.

"One moment, the scanner is analysing their DNA patterns – ah. They are all from Sector 2814, natives of the planet known as Earth," Zor-El reported with an upraised eyebrow.

"Earth?! Impossible. Its people are primitives, and hundreds of years behind us, technologically," Lara said at once. "How could someone from THERE possibly get here?"

"That remains to be determined, but I assure you, according to these readings there is no possible mistake. Jor-El?" Zor-El called out.

"Yes. It would certainly explain why they are all dying," his brother replied, examining the data as he considered ways to try to save the newcomers' lives. Then Jor-El frowned, "The blonde female is dying less slowly than the others for some reason, but eventually, even she will succumb. There are simply too many damaged organs, capillaries and blood vessels; their bodies were exposed to our gravity for too long."

"What can we do?" Allura asked, staring at the four teenagers from another world. "And how is it the male is dressed as a member of the House of El?"

"I don't know," Zor-El frowned. "I would suggest, however, that none of us mention that to anyone else. The Science Council would start asking us questions we cannot answer, and perhaps draw the wrong conclusions as well."

That gave Jor-El an idea. "Zor-El. You have permission from the Council for genetic experiments, do you not?"

"Yes, but what does that..." Suddenly, the younger brother realized what was being suggested as he saw which crystals Jor-El was retrieving. "Surely you can't be serious!"

"About what?" Allura and Lara both asked together.

"I intend to take DNA samples and create Kryptonian bodies in order for our guests to be able to survive on our world," Jor-El announced. "It is the only way."

"But you know that the Council would never give you permission to do that!" Allura protested. "You face criminal punishment if you pursue this course of action!"

"And yet if I do nothing, they will all die," Jor-El said grimly. "Personally, I would prefer asking for forgiveness from the Council rather than from Rao, when asked to explain my actions to a higher power."

Lara quickly stood with her betrothed. "I am in agreement, husband-to-be."

"As am I, brother," Zor-El nodded. "Besides, technically – these people are ambassadors from Earth. If the natives of that world have progressed far enough to arrive here without our knowledge and consent, diplomatically speaking, this may actually be the wisest course of action."

"I doubt that General Zod would see it that way. However, I have faith in your ability to make the Council see things from your point of view, husband mine," Allura nodded as Jor-El took stem cells from all his visitors and began to infuse them with Kryptonian genes, to be re-injected as soon as possible.

***

**The inner chambers of the Science Council, Kryptonopolis, Krypton**

**The next day**

Xander, Buffy, Willow and Cordelia stood before the gathered Elders of the Science Council, their bodies having been adjusted by the introduced Kryptonian DNA and then recovering completely thanks to the miraculous medical science of the planet. Initially, they couldn't believe what had happened to them, which was only to be expected. But soon enough, all four teens were convinced of the truth. The moment the three girls and the guy looked outside of Jor-El's lab window and saw that massive red sun, it was obvious they weren't on Earth anymore.

Xander looked around at the chamber; it was a pristine and immaculate area that contained two rotating hoops which glowed electric-white, and a revolving intelligence source within them.

( _Just like in the movie, huh?_ ) The young man could also see the Elders standing as a group not far away, conferring about something. Jor-El himself was standing apart from the others, and he appeared deeply concerned to Xander. ( _Well, that's not really my fault – it's not like I could tell him the truth regarding my Halloween costume!_ )

"I feel weird," Cordelia complained, which immediately drew everyone's attention. "Hey, Mr. El, are you sure this is still my body?"

"Yes, of course it is," Jor-El replied, as the other eleven Elders joined him. "I can assure you, the only alterations carried out were those required for you to be able to survive in our environment."

"Indeed. Now, then, on behalf of the planet Krypton, I must ask you what your intentions are," the First Elder suddenly declared. "Why have you people come to our planet?"

"Y'know what, pal? I don't think I like your attitude," Cordelia sniped, instinctively going on the attack. "And in my opinion, your ideas of hospitality? They leave a lot to be desired! I mean, these clothes you've given us for one thing. Can I just say, UGH!" she said in clear contempt, startling many of the Elders – who looked at her in dismay.

"Leaving aside the idea of fashion JUST for the moment," the Second Elder said in annoyance. "Could you please answer the question?"

"We don't know how we got here," Buffy spoke up, still finding it hard to believe where she was or that she was actually having this conversation. "Not a clue."

"Yeah, that's right, it's not like we beamed down after arriving by spaceship or anything I mean 'cause we simply don't have any and back home we've barely made it to our own moon so far," Willow babbled, still marvelling at all the advanced technology around here. The redhead was almost in geeker heaven, and truly wanted to believe that all this wasn't just a shared hallucination.

"Our remote probes have been monitoring your planet for a long time," Vond-Ah spoke up, briefly glancing at Jor-El. "According to the latest updates, the people of Earth do not have the technology to have accomplished even that much."

"Well, maybe your information's a little out of date. I mean, uh, taking into account the lightspeed barrier and all, there's got to be a limit on how fast the information gets back here, right?" Willow supplied helpfully, calming down and speaking more slowly.

"Assuming for the sake of argument that what you say is true, that is – plausible, at least in theory," Jor-El conceded, looking at his fellow Council members. "It does raise an important issue, however. Whatever the manner of your arrival, Krypton possesses no spaceships to transport you all back to Earth; even if our isolationist policy were to be suspended to allow this to happen. And since by your own admission your people are unable to come and retrieve you themselves, logic would indicate that you are all effectively stranded here."

"Well, that's just great! I mean, what about Prom?!" Queen C demanded in her special Cordelia-esque way.

"Prom?" most of the Science Council members echoed in confusion.

"Never mind," Buffy interjected hurriedly, glaring at her classmate. "Look, if we are stuck here, then I guess we're pretty much asking you guys for a 'live and let live' type arrangement, alright? As in you help us, and we help you. Until somebody can figure out a way for all of us to go home, and put an end to this freaking nightmare."

"Your mode of speech is rather strange, but if I understand you correctly, that sounds like...an agreeable arrangement," the First Elder looked around to see the various nods from his colleagues. "If there are no objections-?"

"I object," a bearded male Kryptonian wearing a black leather jumpsuit came storming into the Council chambers. "I object in the most strenuous terms imaginable! These people need to be restrained in a holding facility, and questioned at length to make sure they're not some sort of scouting party for an invasion!"

"Dru-Zod," Jor-El said smoothly. "I believe that, as you are not a member of this Council, technically you are out of order coming in here and addressing us this way?"

"Spare me your quibbling, Jor-El! I am charged by the Council with maintaining the defences of our planet, and as such, I demand the right to interrogate the prisoners! They could represent a clear and present danger to the security of our world!" General Zod shouted.

"Then interrogate me, as much as you like."

Everyone stared as Xander finally spoke up, moving to stand in front of the three female teenagers. "The fact is I know a lot more about you, your people and your planet in general than my friends do. You guys can verify that for yourselves using that thing over there, right?" Harris nodded to the intelligence source, which stopped revolving within the two hoops of white light. "It's currently acting as a truth assessor of some kind, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is," the Second Elder frowned, as he and the rest of the Council started concentrating almost exclusively on Xander. "May I ask how you knew that?"

"Sure, but I can't give you an answer," Xander said, annoying Dru-Zod at once with his response.

The Kryptonian general glared at him fiercely. Harris saw the look and added, "Hey, that security thing has to work both ways. I'm not going to divulge any information that could give you any tactical advantage over Earth, just in case you people decide to invade our planet."

"Very well, alien. Now then, you will come with me at once," General Zod snarled, grabbing Xander by the shoulder – before Buffy instantly hauled back and knocked him out cold with a Slayer-strength punch.

"Cordelia was right before, you people have a lousy attitude – and even lousier manners!" Miss Summers spat out, as black-suited guards came in and raised their weapons, aiming at all the earthlings.

"Wait, wait!" Jor-El said urgently, he did not want this to degenerate into a bloodbath. "All of you, do not open fire!"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea to me. Let's everybody just relax," Xander said, raising his arms with his palms facing outward in a universal gesture to calm down. "General Zod?" Xander leaned down and started slapping his cheek, but the man remained unconscious. "Okay, never mind. We'd best get this show on the road without him for now, huh?"

"I will escort you to the interrogation room," Vond-Ah volunteered, moving away from her colleagues. "I have many questions to ask."

"Lead the way," Xander nodded and followed the Kryptonian woman out of the chamber, surrounded by the accompanying security detail.

***

**The Temple of Rao, Kryptonopolis, Krypton**

**A few days later**

As almost everyone swept out of the temple after the marriage ceremony of Jor-El and Lara, Xander and his girls stayed behind.

"You guys think it's safe to talk in here?" Buffy asked, looking around. They had been invited to the wedding as Jor-El's guests, and there were no Kryptonians currently in sight.

"Oh come on, Buffy! They're sure to be listening to us," Cordelia said scornfully, looking around the temple. "Xander may have convinced these people that we're not any sort of danger to them, but they're not stupid! I'll bet you a manicure that general guy you publicly humiliated is eavesdropping on us right now, hoping we're gonna say something that'll let him lock us up and throw away the key!"

"She's got a point," Xander shrugged. He knew that both Dru-Zod and Vond-Ah were still suspicious of all of them, despite the whole lie-detector test he'd undergone. Fortunately, Xander had kept his mouth shut about almost everything during the interrogation, only giving yes or no answers and replying, "I refuse to answer that question for security reasons" whenever something tricky had come up.

Well, apart from the one time he'd asked the enraged general, "Should I kneel before Zod?" before bursting into helpless laughter.

"I still don't get it. How did we get here?" Willow asked her friends hopelessly. "I mean, this place is actually Krypton?! This is the planet which is-"

"Willow," Xander interrupted her at once with a warning look. He knew the moment that any of the gang started talking about that sort of stuff – Krypton being utterly destroyed, the son of Jor-El being sent to Earth, yadda yadda yadda – all four of them were headed for either the loony bin and/or a government detention centre. "We need to focus on how we're gonna get home, okay?"

"Maybe we can convince these people to build something or other to take us back to Earth?" Buffy suggested.

"No chance," Cordelia sniffed. "Just my opinion, but most of those Council people are, like, complete idiots. Don't you remember how they reacted when we mentioned that Earth has a satellite network, after learning that they didn't? They wouldn't build a spaceship if their lives depended on it!"

"Cordelia," Xander said helplessly, this was getting perilously close to forbidden territory for his liking.

"She's got a point, you have to admit."

Xander, Willow, Buffy and Cordelia whirled around in surprise, not having heard anyone approach them. All four sets of eyes went wide at the sight of the man before them.

"You're Christopher Reeve!" more than one of the girls said in astonishment.

"No, I'm not. You can call me Rao – and don't worry, no one's listening to us right now. I want this conversation to remain private, and we have roughly two minutes before Security gets here in person. No doubt you have questions as to why you've been brought here, so please, ask away."

"That was you? And, and can you take us home?" Willow asked at once, even as the others asked similar questions.

"One at a time, please. And yes, I brought you here – but no, I won't send you home yet. You're all here for a reason, after all."

"And that is?" Cordelia asked impatiently.

"Someone once said to me, and I quote, "Wouldn't bringing life onto a planet that is inherently unstable add to the beauty of the life? If at any moment, it could explode...truly it would only be perfectly beautiful, a perfect piece of art, if one single life-form escaped. To remember, to mourn, to despair." I should never have listened to her," Rao declared as shook his head. "That's why you're here. You four have three years to undo my mistake and save the inhabitants of this world, before Krypton dies."

"How the hell are we supposed to do that?!" Buffy exploded. "Look, mister, I want you to take us home right now! I'm the Slayer, I have a job to do-"

"No. Besides, another Slayer was called in your place, and is currently patrolling the Hellmouth. I didn't want innocent people to die as a consequence of bringing you here, after all," Rao said simply, ignoring Buffy's stunned expression. "Now as I said, all of you are here for a reason; you all have a part to play. Over the next few years, you must integrate into this world's society and live amongst its citizens. How exactly you four will prevent the collective end of the Kryptonian race from occurring, though...I have to leave that up to you."

"And what if we say no?" Willow said obstinately. "And, and how do we know this isn't some sort of trick? I mean, come on – Superman? It's all just science fiction, ever since the 1940's!"

"In your reality, yes. But here in this universe, no. This Krypton is very real, as is the danger both to you and everyone else," Rao said gravely.

"Good luck..." he said, before he simply vanished as General Zod and his forces came storming into the temple.

***

**A Kryptonian Ark ship, in low Krypton orbit**

**Three years later**

Xander and Cordelia watched as the last of the transport vessels left the planet's surface. They then glanced at the gigantic red sun, which had grown noticeably larger over the past twelve months as it headed towards its inevitable self-destruction.

After that day in the temple, all four teenagers had embarked upon their task of saving themselves and whoever else they could. It was a difficult and often dirty job, but then personal survival is the greatest motivation to succeed known to man.

Willow had dived into a study of supernovae, to see if it was possible to stop the star from destroying the planet somehow.

Cordelia had developed a social network, making friends with holo-movie stars and also making a name for herself in preparation for spreading the bad news.

Buffy had made life miserable for Zod and his associates Ursa and Non, and eventually testified against them before they were sentenced to banishment in the Phantom Zone.

And as for Xander...

Given his knowledge of Krypton, he was the most valuable member of the entire team, directing the others on what to do and when to do it. Initially, Xander had established himself with solving Jor-El's research problem regarding the 'green plague' that had been killing Kryptonians by the hundreds. He'd also subtly guided Superman's father to discover for himself that the entire planet was going to explode in three years' time, thanks to what was happening deep within Krypton's sun.

Once informed of that finding, of course, the Science Council had ordered the news to be suppressed, just as Xander had been sure would happen.

But after the threats of harsh punishment for 'insurrection' were out of the way Willow had announced it was impossible to prevent the upcoming supernova from occurring and shown them her own data, saying that there was no other choice but to eventually go public and evacuate the planet.

The news that an alien had confirmed what one of their own had come up with was enough to plant the seeds of doubt in many of the Elders. It had helped that Vond-Ah had been discredited by that point and was unable to spin her nonsense theory that Krypton was simply shifting its orbit: so, after a great deal of argument and debate the construction of the Ark fleet had begun in secret, roughly about the time when Lara had announced that she was pregnant.

There had initially been world-wide panic when Cordelia's rumours were finally confirmed and the Science Council had admitted the truth to the populace of Krypton, not long before Kal-El had been born.

But the Kryptonians were a pragmatic people for the most part, and upon hearing there was a chance to escape the upcoming destruction of their world, almost everyone did whatever they could to prepare for departure and secure a seat on one of the Arks.

"Hey, guys," Buffy said, as she and Willow joined Xander and Cordelia at the window. "Have you heard the latest?"

"What latest?" Cordy asked, turning around.

"That idiot group calling itself the Sword of Rao, it's refusing to leave the planet," Willow said angrily. "It's accusing US of being responsible for a massive misinformation campaign, tricking everybody into leaving so that "Earth's armies" can swoop in and take over! Can you believe it?"

"After the last three years, I'm willing to believe just about anything concerning these people," Xander said, staring outside as the ship began to break orbit. "That's it, we're on the move..."

As the Ark accelerated away from the planet, all four of them rushed to a nearby view-screen to join the crowd of Kryptonians watching what happened to the world they'd just abandoned. They saw the red sun dominating the sky, obscenely huge and periodically pulsating. A subterranean explosion suddenly took place, and then another and then another, ejecting plumes of matter onto Krypton's surface not far away from the crumbling city of Kryptonopolis.

As the Ark drew further away, as did all its sister-ships, the image on the view-screen shrank until there was only the battered blue-white planet tearing itself apart alongside the enormous red sun.

When suddenly – an incredible explosion took place, which violently sent out fragments of what had once been a living world in all directions, some of which were red or white or green or gold, and leaving behind a vast black void.

Many of the Kryptonians just stood there numbly in the wake of riding out the blast wave, unable to believe what had happened, despite knowing all about it beforehand. Some started to weep, some started to scream, and some started to go to the religious area to pray for those who had not been able to escape in time.

"It's over. We made it," Cordelia said, motioning her friends to follow her for some privacy. She knew it was highly doubtful they were being monitored right now, not after what had just happened, but old habits died hard. "All we have to do now is get to New Krypton, and we'll be home free."

"I guess, but what are we gonna do once that happens? Hope for Rao to show up to take us back to Earth?" Willow wanted to know. "Or, or do we just stay on New Krypton once we arrive there?"

"Why, Willow. Is there something you're not telling us? 'Cause I've noticed that you've been spending quite a bit of time with Kirana lately, the same way Buffy has with Var-El," Cordelia cooed gently.

Both Willow and Buffy blushed and looked away. The redhead had only recently come to terms with her romantic feelings for the female doctor, whilst the Slayer was reluctant to admit her own attraction to Superman's look-alike cousin.

Shrugging, Buffy said, "Well, we've still got two and a half years before we have to worry about all that, right? It'll take us at least that long before we get to the planet, and it'll probably take a while before the colony is up and running properly and one of the Arks will become available for us to use."

"It'd be a lot simpler for us if the ship would just head straight for Earth, that's for sure," Xander mused. "But y'know, what I'm worried about is what's going to happen now that everything's so different. I mean, Jor-El and Lara aren't going to be sending their son to Jonathan and Martha Kent under these circumstances, plus Zor-El and Allura aren't going to send their daughter Kara to Earth, either," he pointed out. "What kind of world will it be without Superman and Supergirl around to battle Lex Luthor, Brainiac and everyone else?"

"You need not fear regarding that, all the appropriate arrangements shall be made – and the Earth of this universe shall have its protectors from the stars," a vaguely familiar voice said. The Scooby Gang turned around and sure enough, Rao was standing there.

"Congratulations, all of you," the god went on. "You have done well, and saved an entire people from untimely death. I am most grateful."

"So you're here," Cordelia said in annoyance, recalling her last meeting with this guy. "Okay, then, is that it? We're done jumping through your hoops, and now you'll take us all home?"

"For anyone who wishes to do so, yes," Rao nodded. "I should point out, though, that in the years since your departure, many things have changed in the place you used to call home. It is only fair to warn you that life on Earth will not be as it once was for you, if you choose to return to the Hellmouth."

"What exactly do you mean?" Buffy demanded.

"My regrets, but your mother passed away in a car accident a few years after she left Sunnydale to look for you," Rao said to Buffy's horror, before he turned to Cordelia.

"Your family's wealth no longer exists, and both your parents are in jail for tax fraud," Rao informed her.

Ignoring her reaction, he then said to Xander, "As for you, both your mother and your father died not long ago from alcohol poisoning, of all things."

"And me? What about me?" Willow squeaked, as Xander looked stone-faced at hearing that news.

"Oh, your parents have accomplished great things in their field over the past few years, after giving up on finding you alive and adopting another girl to take your place," Rao said helpfully, noting the stricken look on Willow's face.

"What about Sunnydale, is it still there?" Xander suddenly asked, since he knew how all three of his girls were very upset now.

"Yes, but again, it's no longer quite the town you remember. Not after that incident with the Judge, an attempted ascension by Richard Wilkins, and the rampage of a creature calling itself ADAM," Rao shook his head. "The damage was quite extensive, actually, and the rebuilding process relatively slow. So..." Rao shrugged. "Who wants to return?"

"You can count me out," Willow said at once, making her decision without a second thought. "Why would I want to go back to Sunnydale now? My parents thought I died, and then found someone else to take my place, just like that? Besides, how would I explain to them where I've been for the last three years, without either lying or them trying to have me committed? So thanks, but no thanks!" She left unmentioned her desire of not wanting to leave Kirana-Tu behind.

"Same here, I guess," Buffy nodded slowly. "I'd like to go home, but what would I do there now, apart from visit my mom's grave? Angel must have moved on from me a long time ago, and you said there's another Slayer who took over for me way back when. So maybe it's selfish of me, but I have a normal vampire-free life here with Var-El, and I don't want to lose it."

"I'm not sure what I'd like to do, to be honest with you," Cordelia said thoughtfully, glancing at Xander. "I mean, I don't like the sound of being dirt-poor if I go back – but on the other hand, it's getting kind of annoying being famous here on account of the whole 'alien' thing. Plus, I don't have a boyfriend – I don't know, I guess I could go either way..."

"And you?" Rao turned to Xander expectantly.

"Send me home," Harris said simply.

"What? Xander!" both Buffy and Willow said at the same time. "You're leaving us?!" Miss Summers then demanded.

"Yes," Xander said, staring Rao right in the eyes. "Because there's something you're not telling us, isn't there? Call me paranoid, but I get the feeling that you don't want us back on Earth for some reason, and that's enough for me to go home right now. Besides..."

He turned to Buffy and Willow and added, "I'm not exactly needed around here anymore. It's all virgin territory from now on, and I'm not attached to anyone the way you two are. So, I guess this is goodbye."

Miss Summers and Miss Rosenberg instantly grabbed Harris into a huge hug, as they tearfully said their farewells. Then they hugged Cordelia goodbye as well, as the brunette actress also decided to go back to Earth after learning about Xander's plans to do so.

There were two flashes of light, and then Buffy and Willow found themselves alone in the corridor as Rao vanished as well.

"Do you think we'll ever see them again?" Willow asked forlornly, as the two women stared at the empty space where their friends had been standing a few moments ago.

"I hope so, Willow," Buffy sighed, as the pair turned and walked away. "I really do hope so."

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 2000**

There was one thing Rao had not mentioned aboard the Ark, which he should have – and that was the fact that it would be impossible for Xander and Cordelia to live completely normal lives on Earth now, because they were no longer who they had once been before the Halloween of 1997.

Both man and woman had Kryptonian bodies now, thanks to Jor-El's handiwork – which meant that, living under a yellow sun, they could utilize the solar energy at a cellular level to achieve abilities unattainable by demons, vampires or even ordinary human beings.

Everything Superman could do, they could do. On the flip side, though, both of them were also vulnerable to everything Superman was vulnerable to, such as kryptonite (or jadarite, call it what you will) and magic, both of which existed in abundance here.

From the safety of one of the higher dimensions, Rao watched as Xander and Cordelia quickly taught themselves how to use their new powers, which included flying faster than a speeding bullet. He could feel their exhilaration and watched as the duo soared up high into the sky, the sunlight supercharging their bodies as the new Superman and Supergirl flew around the Earth.

"Well, you really have done it this time," the voice of Janus interrupted Rao's train of thought. As the Kryptonian deity turned around the two-headed Roman god added, "Bringing those two back home, it's no wonder why the Powers are out to nail your hide to the barn door!"

"What do you foresee?" Rao asked, not looking too upset about the threat potential regarding the Powers That Be.

"Poor old Glorificus won't stand a chance now. Neither will those three adolescent fools. Wolfram & Hart will do their best, but even the Senior Partners won't succeed in killing your protégés before all their Circles of the Black Thorn get annihilated," Janus mused thoughtfully.

"Interesting. Anything else?"

"Oh yes – the chaos those two will create, just by being who and what they are? Thank you for doing my job for me!" Janus beamed in delight with both his faces.

"Don't thank me," Rao replied. "Because I didn't do all this for you."

"Then who?"

"Humanity," Rao said simply, as he watched Xander and Cordelia start heading back to Earth. "And to prove that my old 'friend' was wrong – that perfect beauty, a perfect work of art is not built on solitude, mourning and despair. It is built on family, joy and love instead."

Janus quickly lost interest in the conversation, wandering away to pursue his own agenda. So Rao just kept looking at the Adam and Eve he had expertly manipulated into coming here, wondering how long it would be before the patter of little Kryptonian feet would echo on the planet's surface.

How long would it be before a New Krypton was established in this universe, the same as in the one still containing Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg?

***

Next: Story 27 - Avenging Angel


	27. Avenging Angel

**Date written**: Tues 27 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Hello one and all, thank you for all the reviews and feedback – truly, madly, deeply – especially you, The Doctor. Thank you for your idea regarding Ian Fleming and James Bond, but oddly enough I did a YAHF where Xander got turned into Bond during season 4, it was titled "A Simple Twist Of Fate" and published about two years ago. Anyway, gentle readers, welcome to the latest fanfic of this series! Now, this plot bunny is the darkest idea I've come up with in a while, and it's possibly the darkest story of the series apart from the Borg story #3. Funnily enough, the inspiration for this fanfic originally came after reading the novelisation of Knightfall, many years ago; I was tempted to do a Batman fanfic, but it's been done by many others before, so I came up with this instead. So for those of you who wish to continue on, I hope you like it...

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 27: Avenging Angel

**Main Street, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

It was love at first sight, that was the problem.

The moment Xander Harris had laid eyes on Buffy Summers he had fallen completely, utterly and hopelessly in love with her. Unfortunately the vampire Slayer, even though she knew perfectly well how Xander felt about her, simply didn't feel the same way about him. Thus, Harris knew that extreme measures were needed to win the heart of the beautiful Chosen One.

That was when destiny took a wrong turn, and started going up shit creek without a paddle.

( _Oh my God,_ ) Xander thought to himself in amazement and delight, as he saw the five-hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk and picked it up. ( _Wow, five hundred bucks?! That's it; I'm not going to be the two-dollar costume king this year. Nosiree, I'm getting a Halloween costume that'll leave Buffy gasping at my sheer manliness! _)

Given the fact that Buffy was in love with the ensouled vampire named Angel, and Xander's ideas of manliness completely sucked, this was most unlikely. But as things stood, a lot of gasping would certainly take place tomorrow night as Xander entered Ethan's Costume Shop.

***

**Sunnydale High School Computer Lab, Sunnydale, California**

**Later that night**

The woman known as Jenny Calendar, who was also a technopagan named Janna of the Kalderash tribe of gypsies, leaned back in her seat as she looked at the email before her. The text was rather troubling to the Computer Science teacher, both for what it said and who it came from.

Around five months ago, a monk from Cortona named Brother Luca had sent out a global email about the upcoming apocalypse. He had warned about the child vampire known as the Anointed One, who had led Buffy to her doom the night of the Spring Fling Dance – and if it hadn't been for Xander bringing the Slayer back to life with CPR after she'd drowned, the world would have been destroyed by the ancient vampire called the Master. Brother Luca had disappeared afterwards – but now he had surfaced again, and sent the technopagan a private message.

( _I don't get it,_ ) Jenny thought to herself in confusion. ( _Why_ _does he say that I need to monitor the 'reborn Slayer' tomorrow night? And Ezekiel 25: 17, what's that about?_ ) Jenny looked it up using Google, and the first site she clicked on read: 'and I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers'.

It wasn't the correct quote from the Old Testament, actually, but considering what kind of comic book Halloween costume Xander Harris had bought today, it was remarkably fitting as a warning by the prescient Italian monk.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Jean-Paul Valley, otherwise known as Azrael – the traditional assassin-enforcer of the Order of St. Dumas – blinked in confusion as he suddenly found himself some place that was completely unfamiliar to him. Named after the Angel of Death, Valley was descended from a long line of genetically engineered crime-fighters. A test-tube baby, Jean-Paul's genetic structure had been altered by the Order's scientists using animal DNA, engineering him to be capable of feats beyond those of a normal human. The only problem was, his conditioning had rendered Valley half-insane when he became Azrael, as well as an extremely efficient killer.

( _Where am I? And how did I get here?_ ) Azrael thought to himself, as incredible chaos started to break loose all around him. ( _What is this place?_ )

"Xander? Xander!" Jenny Calendar's voice intruded into his consciousness, as the schoolteacher crossed the street dragging Buffy – or at least the 18th century noblewoman Miss Summers had become tonight – along with her. "Are you all right? What's going on around here?"

"Unhand me at once!" Lady Buffy squeaked indignantly, before Azrael withdrew a sword and she pressed tightly against Jenny in sudden fear. "Good sir, who are you?"

The sword burst into flames, and Azrael smiled a death's head grin as Lady Buffy screamed. At this point in his life the crime-fighter had evolved from his former role as a member of the Order, to being strictly obedient to Batman, to finally becoming his own man. "Get behind me, both of you."

Azrael then rushed forward to attack an incoming demon. After seeing Xander's new and vastly above-average fighting skills, Jenny was naturally reluctant to leave; but just then another demon showed up, as well as the ghost of Willow Rosenberg. A few moments later Jenny, Lady Buffy and the Willow ghost had to run for it, but Azrael never noticed; he was too busy doing what he did best.

Mind-numbing violence, which was actually quite therapeutic for this incarnation of a half-mad angel of vengeance.

***

**Outside St. Mark's Church, Sunnydale, California**

**A few hours later**

The priest known as Father Fredericks had no idea what had possessed him to obey the cryptic message to come to Sunnydale from Los Angeles, until he found the semi-comatose body of Xander Harris.

It had been a pretty wild night for the last two hours, that was for sure.

Jenny, Willow, Buffy, her boyfriend Angel and the girl named Cordelia Chase had had quite a number of adventures this evening, but they had lost track of Xander – or rather, Azrael – right from the start, when Ethan Rayne's chaos spell had transformed all his customers into their Halloween costumes. The spell had ended when Rupert Giles, Buffy's Watcher, had found Ethan and forced him to end it.

But by that point, it had been too late for Xander in more ways than one.

For one thing, Azrael had gone on a killing rampage tonight; he had slaughtered anything that had gotten in his way – including three mini-demons who were actually possessed children. Once the spell was over, Xander had been able to remember everything – and the shock and the horror had been too much for him to deal with. So in a last-ditch effort to stave off insanity, the young man's brain did the only thing it could think of: it closed itself off from the outside world, and started to hunker down against the upcoming maelstrom of emotion.

That was why Father Fredericks had found the Harris boy just staring off into oblivion.

"My son, are you alright?" the priest asked in concern, taking in the scuffed and damaged Halloween costume. "Can you hear me? Are you hurt in any way?"

There was no reply, so Father Fredericks slowly lifted Xander up off the ground, and carried him into the sanctuary offered by the house of God. There was nothing else he could do except wait until morning, when it was relatively safe to leave for the nearest hospital.

***

**Sunnydale Memorial Hospital, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

"But WHY can't you wake him up?" Willow demanded from the doctors, staring at Xander's prone form in horror as he just gazed blankly upwards at the ceiling. Miss Rosenberg's efforts to make her romantic crush snap out of it by shaking and slapping him had been quickly curtailed by the hospital staff, who warned her that if she did that again, she would be ejected from the room at once.

"I'm sorry, but we just can't, Miss Rosenberg," Dr. Isaacs gestured towards Xander, whose blinking eyes were the only thing to indicate that he wasn't dead. "We don't know what's happened to him, what sort of trauma took place to drive Mr. Harris into his state of catatonia-"

"Can't you give him some sort of drug to wake him up? Some sort of, uh, stimulant?" Jenny asked the doctor, exchanging a look with Giles.

"I wouldn't recommend it at this point, since we have no idea how he'll react to that sort of thing. That boy's been in and out of this hospital far too often as it is ever since he was six years old, after all," Dr. Isaacs replied.

"What? WHY?" Buffy demanded in her best 'Me Slayer, tell me!' voice.

"I'm sorry, but I can't discuss that with you. It concerns doctor-patient confidentiality, so please don't ask me that question again," Dr. Isaacs replied at once, sending the Chosen One a stern look. "I'd say the only people you can take that up with are your friend's parents."

"So, so where are they?" Willow asked, gesturing around the hospital room.

"They're speaking with the man who found Mr. Harris last night, Father Fredericks," the M.D. replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to." The doctor quickly turned around and left.

"Giles, can't you do something to fix this?!" Buffy exploded, once Isaacs was gone. Her nature as the Slayer demanded action, but she was personally helpless to assist one of her two best friends in this world, which automatically meant a trip to Cranky Buffy territory. "You or Ms. Calendar? Can't you just do some spell or another to make Xander come out of la-la land?"

"Magic i-is not a miracle cure-all, Buffy, so please don't think of it as such," Giles admonished her as gently as he could. "If i-i-it was possible to do something like that, don't you think that I would have done it by now?"

"He's right, Buffy. Besides, magic can be a tricky thing when you're dealing with the human brain. Even the simplest of healing spells require great care to be cast, as the cure can sometimes end up being worse than the cause," Jenny said sympathetically.

Visibly deflating, Buffy and Willow just stared as a nurse came in to check Xander's IV drip before quickly departing. The Rosenberg girl, in particular, hated to see the love of her life this way, and made a private vow that she would never stop looking for a method to cure Xander of his affliction.

Unfortunately for her, though, Xander's mom and dad, who couldn't afford an extended stay in the hospital, had already signed over custody of Xander to Father Fredericks – who would soon make arrangements to have the catatonic youth transferred to his parish in the City of Angels.

***

**Catholic Church hospice, Los Angeles, California**

**November 13****th****, 1997**

Brother Luca stared at Xander's immobile form, having travelled here all the way from Europe. No one here knew how he had managed to find out that Xander was now a ward of the Church; all they knew was that somehow, the monk had managed to do so.

"There's been no change in his condition over the past two weeks?" he asked Father Fredericks.

"None," the priest shook his head sadly. "The poor child is just wasting away; at this rate, I fear that he will soon be lost to the world completely. He does not eat, or drink, or sleep; it is a miracle that his eyes are still working. Already, his limbs have started to atrophy..."

"I want to try something that I think might help," the monk told the priest carefully. "But it will mean transporting the boy out of the country, back to my place in Cortona. Will that create any problems?"

"Will you have the facilities to look after him properly there?" Father Fredericks wanted to know at once.

"Yes."

The priest looked a little annoyed at the one-word answer, but still maintained a polite tone, nonetheless. It appeared as if Brother Luca might be Xander's only hope, and he didn't want to antagonize the monk. Besides, he might actually be able to do something to help.

"Then I do not believe it will be a problem. His parents have ceded all authority over him to the Church, after all," Father Fredericks shrugged. "It will take a little while for all the paperwork to be sorted out, but I'm sure you can have Mr. Harris in a few weeks at most."

And thus, not long before winter officially began, Alexander Lavelle Harris departed his homeland, still trapped within his own damaged and fragmented mind.

***

**Outside a fourteenth-century church, Cortona, Italy**

**May 11****th****, 1998**

Nearly six months had passed, and at the same place where the demon named Moloch the Corruptor had been imprisoned into a book during the year 1418, someone with Xander's face trained hard to complete all the exercises that had been assigned to him.

After he and Brother Luca had arrived here, the monk had been able to awaken Xander using techniques best not mentioned or even thought of. The only problem was that, after he'd woken up, the young man could remember nothing after his final electroshock treatment and stretch session on the rack.

Harris was a tabula rasa – a blank slate containing no memory of anything that had happened in his life before that moment of awakening. Thus, there was no longer any memory of his love for Buffy Summers – and there was no longer any memory of being a child killer, of seeing those three dead bodies at his feet before he'd stumbled off and collapsed outside that church.

All things considered, it was a bargain that Xander would most likely have been content with if he'd still retained his former identity. But all he knew of his past nowadays was what Brother Luca had told him – such as his name, Alexander, the defender of mankind, and the place where he'd been born: La Boca del Infierno, or the mouth of Hell.

"How does it progress?" a nasal voice asked the monk, forcing Brother Luca to turn around.

"Satisfactorily," Brother Luca replied civilly to his visitor, Cardinal Ignatio Quartze. He did not like the older man very much, but the cardinal was high up in the Vatican hierarchy and his patronage helped keep operations at this church going. "Alexander is making great progress in attaining his former powers as Azrael."

"Please do not use that name again in my presence, or the name of that so-called Order of St. Dumas," Cardinal Quartze scowled. "To think that the youth of today is reading and enjoying that, that comic book drivel! And yet they spurn knowledge of the true history of the Church? What is this world coming to?"

"How can I help you today, Cardinal?" Brother Luca wanted to get back on topic, as the older man was famous for starting off on rants that could last for hours.

Cardinal Quartze drew himself up at once. "There have been developments in Sunnydale. A few months ago our informant, the mayor named Richard Wilkins, failed to contact us as per the arranged schedule – and so we sent a number of teams to find out why. Two of them disappeared without reporting anything back, but according to the third team, Wilkins is now dead – killed by vampires." It was fortunate for the Cardinal that no one would ever know now how the Mayor had been making fools out of the Church for decades, stringing them along until his planned ascension next year.

"I see. But what does that have to do with me?" Brother Luca asked, his brow furrowing.

"Isn't it obvious? You are to send your lab rat home at once, to deal with the vampires who killed our informant," Cardinal Quartze said haughtily.

"No, it's too soon," Brother Luca insisted. "Alexander has not progressed far enough yet, and his loyalty to us is not yet firmly established. We run too great a risk of losing him, if he goes back to that place now!"

"Don't be ridiculous. According to the psychologists, the man has already pledged himself to the Church mind, body and soul," Cardinal Quartze insisted.

"For now, yes. But what if his memories return once he goes home? What if Alexander becomes the person he once was again, and no longer desires to help in the battle against our enemies?" Brother Luca demanded. "Please, Cardinal-"

"Enough! The decision has been made," Cardinal Quartze cut the monk off sternly. "Clean him up and drive him to the airport at Perugia. The ticket to the United States will be waiting for him at the international terminal in Rome. Father Fredericks will be there at LAX, and transport him to Sunnydale. Once the boy has accomplished his mission, you can have him back to put the finishing touches to his training."

"And if Alexander doesn't come back?" Brother Luca asked, knowing when the battle was already lost.

"I have no doubt that God will know his own, once your young friend presents himself at the gates of Paradise," Cardinal Quartze shrugged before he turned and strode away.

With a heavy heart, Brother Luca went off to find Xander and tell him the situation.

***

**Outside the Sunnydale city limits, California**

**May 12****th****, 1998**

( _So this was home,_ ) Xander thought to himself, looking out through the window as Father Fredericks drove the rental car into town from the Sunnydale airport. ( _Strange how I feel nothing just looking at it. Maybe if I get the chance to explore a little once my mission is over, some spark of familiarity will return... _)

"Are you feeling all right, my son? You haven't spoken much ever since we left Los Angeles," Father Fredericks said in concern. He was amazed by the difference just six months could make, actually, since the last time he'd seen Xander the young man was virtually a living corpse.

"I'm fine, Father. Maybe a little tense," Xander admitted. "It feels strange coming back to the place where I was born and raised, yet having no memory of any of it. You say you found me here last Halloween?"

"Yes, over there, by that church," the priest gestured towards one of Sunnydale's 43 churches as they drove along. "You were in a terrible state, my son, and your parents knew that there was nothing they could do for you. That's why they gave you to us; they hoped that we could succeed where they couldn't."

"And you still have no idea where they are now?" Xander asked. It was one of the first things he had asked Brother Luca after he'd woken from his catatonia.

"None," Father Fredericks shrugged helplessly. "All my efforts to find them have failed, they just disappeared one night and no one has seen them since."

"Do you think it could be vampires? Do you think THEY could be vampires?" Xander did not like to entertain the prospect, but the question had to be asked; because he knew all about the things which went bump in the night.

"Perhaps," Father Fredericks shrugged. "There is simply no way to tell. Mayor Wilkins made no mention of them in his communications to us – but even he could not know everything that went on in this city. You'd best keep an eye out while we're here."

Xander nodded silently as the car made its way towards City Hall. Once they arrived, both he and the priest made their way inside for a meeting with the new Mayor of Sunnydale, Allan Finch.

But Finch was a man they almost instantly knew would be of no real help to them. He was nervous and ill at ease in their presence, professing no knowledge of how his predecessor had died and grabbing the first excuse to terminate the interview – namely, a visit by David Chase, his wife Julia and daughter Cordelia.

"XANDER? I thought you were a brain-dead vegetable!" Cordelia exclaimed in surprise as Harris and Father Fredericks exited the Mayor's office.

"Do I know you?" Xander asked carefully, eyeing the brunette cheerleader carefully.

"What?" Cordy demanded. "Oh, are you serious? Of course you know me, we've known each other practically all our lives!"

"No, that's not true. Because my life began six months ago in Cortona, Italy – I remember nothing before then," Xander said carefully. "Who are you?"

"I'm Cordelia Chase, of course! And these are my parents?" the young woman said in teenage exasperation, indicating the two adults at her side.

"Did I know you two as well, before the amnesia?" Xander asked Cordy's mom and dad politely, looking at them cautiously.

"We've met once or twice," Mrs. Chase replied, staring at her daughter's former classmate before glancing at her husband. "I believe the last time we saw you was during Cordelia's eleventh birthday party, roughly six years ago?"

Xander instantly dismissed them from consideration. "May I speak to your daughter in private, then? I promise it won't take long, I'd just like to ask some questions if I may. There are things about myself I'd like to know, if she's willing to tell me."

"Go ahead, sweetheart," Mr. Chase gave his permission, doubting that anything too bad would happen if the son of Anthony Harris was being accompanied by a priest. "We won't be long." He then ushered his wife inside.

"So, you really don't have a clue who I am," Cordelia marvelled, after Father Fredericks abruptly excused himself to give them some privacy. "Is that right? You've never met me before today?"

"That's correct. Or at least as far as I'm concerned, that's the case, anyway," Xander frowned. "Were we friends?"

"Oh, hell no!" Cordelia laughed at once. "Xander, we practically hated each other-"

"My name is Alexander Harris. I take it 'Xander' is what you used to call me?" Harris interrupted, eyes narrowed. "And do you know what happened to my parents, by any chance?"

"Uh, no," Cordelia faltered for a moment. It finally registered with her that this wasn't the boy she had constantly ridiculed ever since elementary school, so the brunette girl asked, "So, um, what exactly do you know about yourself?"

"I was found in Sunnydale in a catatonic state last year. My parents gave me to the Church to heal me, and then they disappeared for some reason," Xander said simply.

"That's it?! You don't remember anything about Willow, or Buffy, or Giles, or the vam-" Cordelia abruptly cut herself off.

"The vampires?" Xander guessed what she'd been about to say, even though he hadn't the slightest clue about who the three people Cordy had just mentioned were. "Yes, I know about them, and I know that this town is infested with them. I've been trained to fight them as a warrior of God ever since I woke up," Harris briefly explained Brother Luca's plan to her.

"YOU? Fight vampires?" Cordelia said with sheer incredulity. "What, you think you're some kinda boy Slayer now? Come on, Xander, I've seen you fight. And I could take you, any day!"

"The old me, perhaps. But whoever you are, Miss Chase, you obviously have no idea who I am and what I'm capable of now. And what's this about a, a 'Slayer'?" Xander asked.

Hearing that question coming out of Alexander's mouth, Cordy was again reminded of the fact that this guy was no longer her old insult partner. She looked around and said, "Let's go somewhere more private, because this is probably going to take a while..."

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**A while later**

After Cordelia had finished telling him a number of astonishing things within one of the building's empty rooms, Xander had collected Father Fredericks and left City Hall.

He doubted that he would ever see the Chase girl again, as Cordelia had convinced her parents for the family to move out of Sunnydale – that was what the meeting with Mayor Finch had been all about today – and besides, Harris had found that he simply didn't like her very much.

He didn't know whether it was an old memory rising to the surface out of the depths of his forgotten past, or simply just initial impressions. But either way, Xander had treated Cordelia merely as a source of information and left her behind as soon as he was sure there was nothing else he could learn from her.

That was why he and Father Fredericks were here, now, breaking into the British Watcher's office. Xander had learned that all of his old acquaintances were dead now, and after acquiring Rupert's Watcher diaries, he felt fairly sure that Cordelia hadn't lied to him about anything she'd said in that conference room.

Xander read an excerpt from a time period that he was most interested in:

( _Diary of Rupert Giles, Watcher to the Slayer Buffy Summers. November 1st, 1997._

_Alexander Harris was found in a catatonic state today in the hospital, having been transported there by the priest who initially found him. Some kind of physical and/or mental trauma must have affected the young man, which most likely has to do with the chaos magic of the previous evening – where many people were turned into their Halloween costumes, including Mr. Harris and Ms. Summers. My Slayer has unfortunately taken the news of his medical condition very badly, and I feel sure she blames herself for not being able to protect one of her closest friends..._ )

Xander then shuffled the pages a few months forward.

( _Diary of Rupert Giles, Watcher to the Slayer Buffy Summers. March 2nd, 1998._

_After the woman named Jenny Calendar was killed recently, I decided to avenge her death by attempting to destroy the soulless creature responsible; the vampire named Angelus mentioned previously in these annals. When I assaulted him in the abandoned factory where he had set up his lair, I miscalculated badly by attacking alone; but fortunately, Ms. Summers and her friends arrived in time to rescue me from my folly. I noticed, however, that while she was able to attack and defeat most of the vampire army which was present, the Slayer was unable to effectively fight Angelus himself._

_Much as it pains me to admit it – I now believe that Ms. Summers simply may not be able to kill that never-to-be-sufficiently damned vampire, given he has the face of the man she loved and gave up her virginity to. For the record, I must confess that it is probably my own fault for ever letting my Slayer get involved in a romantic relationship with a vampire, soul or otherwise..._ )

Xander briefly felt ill before he flipped forward to the last entry, which read:

( _Diary of Rupert Giles, Watcher to the Slayer Buffy Summers. March 12th, 1998._

_It is to my shame and regret that I must record my Slayer is now dead; and possibly turned as well. _

_Ms. Summers was killed whilst within the Sunnydale General hospital, incapacitated by an outbreak of the flu. Apparently, Angelus came by while Willow Rosenberg and Daniel Osborne, the Slayer's best friend and her paramour, were standing guard for her. Unfortunately, the vampire snapped the young woman's neck, disembowelled the boy standing alongside her, and then, at the very least, drained the Slayer in her hospital room – if all the blood found on the sheets is any indication of his activities._

_According to the testimony of the surviving security guards, he then left with Ms. Summers' body, and most likely returned with her to his new lair – she is now possibly, and quite probably, his newest childe, given how the records indicate he loved to torment and turn his victims. If so, I must deal with them both, as there is now no one else left in Sunnydale to do so. _

_The new Slayer named Kendra is still in her own country, and there are no ancillary sources of support to call upon. Either official or unofficial ones; recently, there has been a rumour that Angelus is responsible for the slaying of the local mayor, one Richard Wilkins, as a warning for no one to even attempt to interfere with him..._ )

Xander closed the book with a snap, glancing at Father Fredericks.

"Angelus," the young man said simply.

***

**Abandoned mansion on Crawford Street, Sunnydale, California**

**May 13****th****, 1998**

The insane vampiress named Drusilla looked quite upset as she heard her Daddy doing all sorts of things with and to the naughty former Slayer. Vamp Buffy's screams of pain and pleasure in the privacy of their bedroom were no good at all, and Dru knew that Daddy's newest daughter was no good at all, either. She wanted to get rid of her little sister, but Drusilla knew better than to try. Spike had tried to do that after Vamp Buffy had discovered his silly pretending act, and Daddy had punished him for it.

Drusilla fingered the locket she wore, which contained some of Spike's ashes. Daddy had flushed most of them away down the toilet, but she'd been allowed to keep a tiny portion. No thanks to the wicked little sister, who'd tried to get rid of them all.

( _The bad Slayer made the Angel-beast go away, but now Daddy won't pay any attention to me at all! Oh, my precious Spoike, if only you were still 'ere..._ ) That thought was immediate cut off as, suddenly, Drusilla's psychic antenna began to vibrate.

The mad undead seer heard the whisperings of the moon and the stars and even Miss Edith in her head, and hurried away. She quickly found the objects of her search – a bad priest and a bad kitten – only he wasn't her kitten anymore, Drusilla could sense it. Her kitten was asleep, as was the horrible man in armour who made the stars scream in pain and the moon hide its face.

( _Time to wake my kitten up... _)

Drusilla pounced and hurled the priest into the wall, not bothering to check if the collision had killed him, as she already knew that even if he survived – Father Fredericks would get killed in a year's time by an Ethros demon. Then the vampiress just stared at her target, as he finished decapitating two minion vampires – his former parents, oddly enough – with his sword.

"Hullo, you naughty li'l boy," she greeted him eagerly.

"Do I know you, hellspawn?" Xander advanced forward, unable to take his eyes off her for even a moment, however badly he wanted to check on Father Fredericks.

"Manners!" Drusilla snapped, sounding like the prim and proper 19th century Englishwoman she'd been in mortal life. She stared Xander right in the eyes, "Look at me...be in me..."

Knowing nothing about her psychic powers, Xander did not attempt to avert his gaze as Drusilla crooned, "See me with your true eyes, remember who you are..."

But at that point, something unexpected happened.

Just as the former class clown and best friend of Buffy and Willow rose up from the abyss, Xander realized that he had just now killed his own parents – which, in conjunction with everything that had come before, was enough to make him snap completely. That let the Halloween persona take over instead, as an unholy light appeared in Xander's eyes.

"NO!!!" Drusilla screamed, the sound echoing throughout the mansion as the assassin-enforcer leaped at her, Azrael's acrobatic skills coming in very handy as the sword chopped Dru's head off. The resulting explosion of dust was almost music to his ears, as the man exulted in his kill; but then, the avenging angel remembered everything.

Well, everything ever since Halloween anyway, and the reason why he was here. A debt was a debt, and so Azrael grabbed Father Fredericks and hauled him out of harm's way before heading back into the mansion.

Angelus and Vamp Buffy just stared at him in momentary disbelief, as soon as they saw an unexpected face from the past. "XANDER?!" both soulless vampires said in unison.

"I remember you, vaguely," Azrael said, focusing on the vampiress for the moment. "The frightened noblewoman, wasn't it?"

Vamp Buffy grinned, and morphed into game face. "Not anymore. Xander, you have no idea how much I've missed you!!" She then rushed forward to attack, the memories of her human life making the vampiress assume that this guy couldn't possibly be any threat to her.

Too bad for Vamp Buffy that her assumption was wrong; Azrael's reflexes were so inhumanly fast that he simply ducked out of the way of her fangs, before his wooden stake penetrated her heart. Dust exploded, and then it was just the two them left.

"Did you kill Richard Wilkins?" the vigilante asked the vampire politely, as Azrael raised his sword.

Angelus already knew something was very, very wrong. Not only had he lost both his women today, but there was definitely something very off-putting about the teenager wearing Xander's face. He didn't like that – he didn't like it at all.

"What if I did?" Angelus snarled at his opponent.

"I'll have to kill you for that. Of course, I have to kill you anyway because you're a vampire – so all things considered, I don't suppose it really matters whether you did it or not. It's just the people I work for, they want to know who killed their information source," Azrael explained as he began to circle around, looking for an opening. He could tell the male vampire was far more experienced and deadly than the female one he had just dispatched, or the other female he had dusted earlier on

"And who exactly do you work for?" Angelus wanted to know, moving around and looking for any sign of weakness.

"The Chair of St. Peter." With that, the fight was on.

Angelus initially underestimated how capable a foe he fought, memories of the clumsy and annoying boy he remembered clouding his judgment. But using every scrap of skill and cunning at his command, along with his superhuman strength, the vampire quickly managed to disarm Azrael and engage in hand-to-hand combat. Again, Angelus was astounded by the strength of the blows, but with his undead stamina, he was able to shake them off and press the advantage.

Finally the vampire got lucky, spinning around with a roundhouse kick and making his adversary go flying through the atrium. Angelus stalked forward and said, "Nothing human can move like that. What are you now, Xander?"

Azrael leaped up from his prone position, jack-knifing to land upright on his feet. "Your death. NOW!"

Too late, the soulless demon realized someone was behind him before he felt the stinging pain of the cross Father Fredericks had slammed against the back of his head. That was why he failed to get out of the way as Azrael ran forward, his hand hooked into the shape of a claw – and then the human's hand somehow plunged through the undead flesh and tore the unbeating heart out of the vampire's chest.

Ashes rained down gently onto the floor of the mansion as, at long last, the Scourge of Europe was erased from existence.

***

**Just outside the Sunnydale city limits, California**

**A short while later**

As Father Fredericks drove them out of town, Azrael stared backwards in delight at the fire raging on Crawford Street, the mansion which had been a vampire nest now nothing but a flaming ruin. The man didn't know whether he had actually accomplished his mission or not by killing Angelus, but he felt fairly confident that he had done so.

( _Oh well, if Brother Luca and Cardinal Quartze don't like it, tough. They don't own me, nobody does!_ ) Azrael thought to himself, as the flames started to spread to the other houses on the street.

"What are your plans now, my son?" Father Fredericks asked, as he glanced towards the passenger seat.

"I'm not sure yet. There's nothing more that Brother Luca's instructors can teach me which I don't already know, so I'm in no particular hurry to go back to Cortona," Azrael smiled. "Actually, I might hang around in Los Angeles with you, at least for now. I'm sure the Vatican wouldn't mind me helping to clean up that city's demon problems for a while."

The priest just stared at his companion, before he decided to avoid the airport and take them on the scenic route towards the unsuspecting City of Angels.

***

Next: Story 28 - How The Other Half Lives


	28. How The Other Half Lives

**Date written**: Wed 28 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Hello again, the usual greetings and felicitations to one and all. And thank you everyone for all the reviews and feedback! Now, for this story - I must admit, one of the best storylines in BtVS season four was "Who Are You?", and Nodakskip has run quite a few gender-bender fanfic ideas past me over the years. Add to that one of the most fantastic fanfics Greywizard has ever written called "Who Am I?" which is currently a WIP at TtH, and this story almost wrote itself!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 28: How The Other Half Lives

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1997**

"I can't believe Partytown was bought out and shut down just before Halloween," complained Cordelia Chase, a.k.a. Queen C of Sunnydale High School. "Not to mention that tyrant Principal Snyder cornered us all into taking part in that stupid-ass escort thing tomorrow night. I mean, where the hell are we going to find decent Halloween costumes now?"

Her followers, known as the Cordettes, all just looked at one another. Brainpower wasn't exactly the prime quality they'd been chosen for by Cordelia to be part of her inner circle, but the cheerleaders could still think to some extent.

"Uh, there's a new place that just opened up yesterday called Ethan's? I mean, if beggars can't be choosers..." the minion called Harmony Kendall said hesitantly.

"Yeah, I suppose," Cordelia exhaled. "Alright, fine. We all meet up there tomorrow morning?" There were a number of affirmative nods. "Good, that's settled. Now the question is, what do we all dress up as?"

"Myself, I'm hoping it's gonna be something that really shows off all your...assets," the quarterback named Larry Blaisdell said with a leer, as he and his friends moseyed on over.

"Larry, why don't you take a long walk off of a short pier?" the girl named Aura asked nastily.

"Hey, now, there's no need to be rude," Larry's fellow football player named John Lee Walker said at once.

"Rude? I'd call it being a complete Neanderthal," Cordelia said to John Lee, who was one of her ex-boyfriends. Then she looked scornfully at Larry, "Or do you prefer being called a Cro-Magnon brain instead?"

Larry scowled at once; the guy called Xander Harris had called him the exact same thing at school earlier today when he'd been inquiring about the possibility of dating Buffy Summers. "Don't call me that, cheerleader."

The stereotype label quickly made Cordelia lose all sense of judgment. "Oooh, I have an idea. This year for Halloween, what say me and my friends dress up as football players, while you guys wear cheerleader outfits?"

"WHAT?" both the Cordettes and the jocks all exclaimed in dismay, it was obvious that no one wanted to do that.

But Larry hadn't gotten to where he was on the social pyramid around here, by backing down before a challenge like that. He said sneeringly, "Cordelia, the only way I'd ever do that is if you can convince that ass-wipe Harris to take part in your little scheme." He then smirked, "And what are the odds that that's gonna happen, huh?"

Cordelia faltered for a moment, since she knew Larry had a point before she squared her shoulders and said, "Okay, I'll bite. What's in it for me if I can get the doofus to play ball, and what do you want if I can't pull it off?"

This made Larry pause – he hadn't intended for this to really turn into a wager of some sort, but it was too late to back off now, without him losing face in front of his friends. "Guess that depends. Y'know, what do you want that I can give you?"

"You become the cheerleaders' slave for a week," Miss Chase said without hesitation. "Anything that me and my girls want done, you do it. No complaints, no arguments. Deal?"

"Anything within reason," Larry temporised, starting to feel a little out of his depth. "As in, nothing like being forced to wear a skirt in public – just carrying your bags at the mall, carrying your books and gym equipment at school, stuff like that."

He sent her his most intimidating look and added, "Take it or leave it."

"Fine," Cordelia glowered for a moment, figuring this was the best concession she could get out of the hulking football player. Ignoring the looks from her followers, who were silently pleading for her not to do this, Miss Chase added, "All right, what do you want from me if I can't get Xander to cooperate?

"And Larry, if you even hint at me putting out for you, you'll get a Manolo Blahnik so far up your ass, you'll be walking funny for a week!" Cordy finished up scathingly.

"Uh, I dunno. What do you guys think?" Larry turned to John Lee and his other friend, Cody Weinberg.

"She dates you for a week," Cody suggested helpfully.

"No, even better – she dates Harris for a week," John Lee smirked towards his ex, who just glared at him viciously.

"Wait, I've got it! You date me AND Harris at the same time," Larry suddenly hit upon the ultimate humiliation, which made most of the girls gasp with horror. "A week's worth of all three of us going out together ought to do wonders for your reputation, right Cordelia?"

"That's it, Larry, you've gone too far!" Cordelia suddenly shouted, which instantly made everyone recoil in fear. "You know what? I am going to win that stupid bet, and make you crawl on your belly like a reptile – just for that last dim-witted insult! Do you hear me? I'll see to it you'll be sorry for the last two minutes, for the rest of your pathetic life!!" So saying, Cordelia turned around and stormed out of the club.

"Dude, what have you done?" John Lee asked his football teammate fearfully.

"He's awakened the beast that'll destroy us all," Cody replied, looking very distraught.

"God, Larry, WHY did you provoke her like that? You KNOW that Cordelia's going to do everything she can to get her own way now!" Harmony complained. "And there's no way I want to dress up as an NFL linebacker or whatever!"

"Yeah, you really pissed her off," Aura nodded. "For my money, Cordelia's gone to find Xander right now and persuade him to do it!"

Larry laughed nervously. "Come on, what's the problem? Everyone knows those two hate each other! There's no way Harris will ever say yes to dressing up like a cheerleader..."

"He may be a complete dweeb, but he's still a guy. If she, like, completely throws herself at him, Xander might not have the willpower to say no," Harmony said worriedly. "There's a reason why just about every boy at Sunnydale High is willing to get on their knees in order to go out on a date with Cordelia Chase, remember?"

The three jocks just stared at one another, hoping like hell that Larry hadn't just landed them all into deep shit.

***

**Outside 17619 White Oak Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**A short while later**

Cordelia arrived at Xander's house in her car and, as she got out, the young woman took a moment to look around the neighbourhood to make sure there were no demons or vampires in the vicinity. Then she quickly walked over to the front door of the Harris residence, and rang the bell. Hiding her shock at how badly Xander's mom had let herself go during the last five years, Miss Chase said politely, "Hi, Mrs. Harris, it's me Cordelia. Cordelia Chase, remember?"

Jessica Harris squinted at the girl on her doorstep. "Cordelia? My God, I haven't seen you in ages. What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I'm here to see Xander," Cordy said quickly. "Is he in?"

"Yes, he's upstairs with his friends – Willow and Muffy, I think her name is." For some reason, the middle-aged mom still couldn't properly remember the name of the girl her son had been fixated on for around a year. Jessica gestured to Cordelia, and Miss Chase took it as an invitation to come in. "I'll take you to his room – oh, unless you remember where it is?"

"Yeah, I remember," Cordy nodded and set off upstairs. There had been a time when she and Xander had been close friends, after all. Knocking on Xander's bedroom door, she went in and after the small talk was out of the way, Miss Chase explained why she was here.

"You have GOT to be out of your mind," Xander said to her immediately, as he briefly glanced around at Buffy and Willow to see their reactions. "Why in the name of almighty Zeus would I want to do anything like that? Sorry, Cordy, but you made your own bed tonight, so lie in it. And tell Larry I'll see him and you at the Espresso Pump on Saturday night, say roughly eight o'clock."

"Xander!!" Buffy said crossly. She may not have liked Cordelia very much – in fact, she thought the society princess was a spoiled bitch – but there was such a thing as female solidarity in the face of a recalcitrant male. "How can you agree to that? Larry almost pummelled you today, and now you're planning to humiliate Cordelia right alongside him? I thought you were better than that..."

"Yeah, Xander, Buffy's right," Willow added in her own two cents, even though she could hardly believe she was actually saying that. "I mean, if I had made a bet like that, would you do something like that to ME?"

"No, of course not," Xander defended himself vigorously. "But the point is, Will, Cordy is NOT you or Buffy. It's her mess, and I don't want anything to do with it. Come on, Willow, put yourself in my place for a second – what if Cordelia had come to either you or Buffy with an insane request like that?"

Both the Slayer and the computer whiz looked at each other, unable to argue with that logic. Cordelia, feeling that events were slipping out of her control, suddenly blurted out, "I'll make it worth your while, Xander. Name your price and I'll pay it, no questions asked – right now, I'm really that desperate."

"Really?" Harris suddenly pricked up his ears. "ANYTHING I ask?"

"Xander, if you dare ask Cordelia to prostitute herself to you – our friendship is over!!" Willow smacked him on the arm.

"OW!" Xander yelped, recoiling from the angry stares Buffy and Willow were sending his way. "Okay, fine. As if I would ever want to score with her, anyway."

"XANDER!!" Buffy slapped him this time, as she'd seen the hurt look that had appeared on Cordelia's face for a microsecond before the cold mask had slipped back into place. "You apologize for that, right now!"

"OW!! Will you guys quit hitting me?" Harris demanded, rubbing his other arm. "And sorry, Cor."

"Whatever," Cordelia said disdainfully. "Come on, Lame Boy. What do you want, money? A job after high school, other than something at the local pizza delivery place? Let's hear it."

"I wouldn't touch your money if my life depended on it, and I don't need your help to find a job when the time comes," Xander glared at her heatedly, which actually made Cordy take a step back. "I was going to say that all you have to do is order your sheep to lay off from taunting Buffy and Willow for a week, but now I've changed my mind.

"You want me to dress up as a cheerleader like you?" he repeated her request. "All right, then YOU have to dress up like ME tomorrow night! Hawaiian shirt and all!!"

Cordelia Chase almost reeled backwards in horror, as this was extortion of the type even she could have never foreseen coming. ( _Is he serious?_ )

Even Buffy and Willow were looking stunned at their friend's outburst, wondering if he was serious. "Xander-" the two girls started to say.

"No, you two stay out of this!" he snapped at the girls. "Well, Cordelia? Have we got a deal? Because it's either that, or I WILL see you and Larry at the Espresso Pump on Saturday night," Xander promised her.

"Fine," Cordelia hissed at him; she knew it when Harris wasn't bluffing, and this instance was definitely one of those times. As said, these two had known each other for a very long time.

"Meet me and everyone else tomorrow morning at that costume shop, Ethan's or whatever, and I promise my friends will leave your friends alone for a week."

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

Principal Snyder's jaw almost dropped to the floor, as he saw a collection of juvenile delinquents heading his way.

He saw four boys – Xander, Larry, John Lee and Cody – dressed as Sunnydale High cheerleaders, who were wearing the traditional yellow and maroon outfits along with female wigs on their heads. He then saw four girls meet with them – Cordelia, Harmony, Aura and Willow as well. All of them, except for the Chase girl, were dressed as Sunnydale High Razorbacks football players; Cordelia was dressed just like Xander, according to the devil's bargain she'd struck with him last night.

"What the hell is going on here?" Snyder demanded, as he came over to the group of eight. "Why are you lot dressed like that?"

"It's, it's kinda complicated to explain, Principal Snyder," Willow stammered, staring at him fearfully. Instead of dressing up like a ghost, she'd decided to take part in the group costume thing today as Miss Rosenberg felt partly responsible for what had happened.

"Wait, let me guess. One or more of you decided to enter into some sort of stupid bet, and it all snowballed into...this," Snyder said in distaste. He may have been an obnoxious and intolerant man, but he hadn't gotten his job by being entirely stupid.

"Wow. Good guess," Harmony said in surprise, before her cheeks went pink and she shut her mouth.

Snyder turned to stare at Xander and Cordelia, who were wearing wigs and an eye-bleeding coloured shirt which they had purchased at Ethan's this morning. Snyder suddenly smiled, "Hmm, I think we'll do things a bit differently this year, and split you all up into pairs for the evening's activities. The rest of you can choose whichever partner you like, but as for you and Harris, Miss Chase? You both make such a perfectly matched couple, you'll escort your groups of children together. That'll be all." Snyder then turned around and left, the evil smile never leaving his face.

"Way to go, Harris," Larry growled at Xander, looking annoyed at his classmate.

"Me? What did I do?" Xander demanded.

"Shut up, Xander. And Larry, you stop your whining! That's an order, slave," Cordelia briefly smiled victoriously at the expression on the quarterback's face before turning to face Willow and her female minions. "You heard the man, pick your guy for the night. And hurry up, I want to get this thing over and done with as soon as possible."

Harmony chose Cody, Aura chose John Lee, and Willow got Larry by Hobson's Choice as Cordelia grabbed Xander and dragged him away.

***

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**Ninety minutes later**

When Ethan's spell hit the good citizens of Sunnydale, it was like a bomb had been set off throughout the town. Because like it or not, Ethan Rayne was a chaos worshipper.

Basically, that meant that whatever he had done tonight, it was to destroy any semblance of order around him. Tonight's activities certainly qualified, as quite a number of children and adults suddenly turned into demons and monsters and started terrorising the streets. By contrast Buffy, who had also bought her costume from Ethan, turned into an 18th century noblewoman, while Willow, who had failed to use her ghost outfit tonight, remained unaffected.

But as for Xander and Cordelia...

"AGGGHHHHH! Xander? What am I doing in your body?!" Cordelia-in-Xander screamed at her...his...companion, after suffering a terrible sense of vertigo for a moment.

"You? What about me? Cordy, how the hell did I end up in YOUR body?" Xander-in-Cordelia screamed back as he, uh, she, uh, whatever – stared in horror at their current situation.

Unfortunately, the chaos was only getting worse with every passing second. "Come on, we gotta get off the streets," Xander-in-Cordelia said urgently, grabbing Cordelia-in-Xander's arm and starting to run, the Slayerette's Sunnydale-schooled reflexes kicking in.

Both of them had no idea that Willow would have her hands full trying to deal with the cheerleader version of Larry, as well as Lady Buffy tonight; all that Xander and Cordelia knew was that they had to get to the school library and get help from Giles, the big Knowledge Guy for whenever things got hairy around here.

***

**Sunnydale High School Library, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

The spell was over, as Giles had found his old 'friend' and used not-so-gentle persuasion to get Ethan to tell him how to end the chaos magicks last night. As a matter of fact, right now Giles was at the empty costume shop and reading Ethan's farewell note, but Xander and Cordelia didn't know that. All they knew was that they had to talk, and the library was the closest thing to neutral territory they could find.

"So. How are you feeling?" Xander asked rather guardedly.

"All right, I guess," Cordelia replied in kind. "Kinda freaked out, though. I mean, I can remember everything."

"Me too," Xander nodded. "Everything. Just wanted to say that, uh, it's pretty weird how you can think you know somebody, and then find out you never really knew them at all."

Cordelia flushed, she couldn't help it. "I, I never even suspected that your parents had become like that. Back when we were in elementary school they didn't...they weren't..."

"Alcoholics, slowly but surely sliding down into the gutter? True," Xander shrugged, since he knew there was no point trying to deny it. This girl now knew all his secrets, just like he knew all of hers. "Just as true as the fact that your mom and dad have changed as well. Your grandfather's money has really altered their outlook on everything ever since five years ago, at least from what I've seen through your eyes."

Cordelia instinctively opened her mouth to deny it, but then closed it again with a snap. "I hate this, I hate it that my privacy has been violated that way!!" she declared heatedly. "And I swear, Xander, if you tell anyone anything that you've learned-"

"You should know better than that, Cor. And besides, what would be the point? Don't you think I know that you'd spill all the Harris family dirty laundry in retaliation?" Xander interrupted her mid-rant. "So let's move on, huh? Why bother with the whole threat thing if both of us know what the other's capable of?"

"Ugh," Cordelia groaned. "You're right. And I'd never thought I'd say this, but it really wasn't easy being you last night. I could feel your hormones, and I couldn't stop staring at my own breasts! How can guys live like that?"

"You think you had it bad? My back hurt all last night because of the size of your chest, Cordy. Just my luck you didn't wear a bra while you were dressed up as me," Xander snorted.

Miss Chase decided to change the subject at once, to something more comfortable to discuss. "So what are you going to tell Buffy and Willow? I mean they're gonna go ballistic after you tell them all the juicy details, right?"

"I don't know. Probably," Harris shrugged. "What about your friends?"

"What about them? Harmony and Aura will have already repressed everything by now, and you should know that," Cordelia snorted.

"Yeah, I do. And odds are that Team Jock will repress, too," Xander offered. "Guys turning into girls, REALLY not something the majority of us in the Y chromosome club like to contemplate. It ranks right up there with Celine Dion music and sappy chick flicks."

( _I knew he'd say that. Damn it, I LOATHE the fact that I know this guy inside and out now!_ ) Cordelia fumed silently. ( _I know all of Xander's favourite foods, his favourite movies, his favourite comic books. I know all about his feelings for Buffy, and Willow, and even his feelings for me! Ugh, it's like we've been married for years or something!_ )

That thought was enough to send a jolt of horror through Cordelia's system, and after mumbling something to Xander about seeing him for class on Monday, she quickly sprinted out of the library.

***

**The Bronze, Sunnydale, California**

**November 10****th****, 1997**

Less than halfway through the following Monday morning, Willow Rosenberg had known that something was very badly wrong.

It wasn't that Larry had stopped acting like a complete tool, thanks to his homosexual tendencies no longer being something that he was in complete denial about. It wasn't that Harmony and Cody Weinberg had paired off together ever since the weekend, just like John Lee and Aura. It wasn't even that Buffy had constantly cringed at the thought of all the bad names she had called her red-haired best friend, whilst the Chosen One had been snooty enough to dissuade even a saint from helping her.

It was the fact that Xander and Cordelia simply weren't acting like themselves anymore.

For one thing, Cordy had started munching on Twinkies last week without even realizing it, despite all the strange looks it had earned her from the Cordettes. For another, Xander had somehow known the difference between Laura Ashley and a Todd Oldham designer dress, something that in Willow's opinion was completely against all the laws of God and man. Add to that the looks she had seen pass between those two in class...

Well, it hadn't been long before Miss Rosenberg had confronted the pair and her worst fears had been confirmed. Xander had been Cordelia and Cordelia had been Xander during Halloween night, and now the girl who'd made her life hellish for years knew the boy that Willow loved a lot more intimately than she did.

And that was something that simply could not be tolerated! At least from Willow's point of view, that is, especially if – Heaven forbid – Cordelia suddenly decided that she liked what she was seeing, and decided to claim Xander for herself.

That was a week ago now, though, and to Willow's relief, it seemed that, outwardly at least, things had gone back to normal. But she couldn't take the chance, and so, with the aid of Giles' books, Willow had managed to create something that she thought would level the playing field between herself and the cheerleader.

A Draconian katra device.

( _Okay, I can do this,_ ) Willow thought to herself rather nervously, as she made her way through the crowded club. ( _All I have to do is get Xander to switch bodies with me, right? Then once we switch back, he'll know all about my feelings for him, and he'll forget all about Cordelia. Oh, and Buffy too, I suppose; but that doesn't matter so much, because she's with Angel..._ )

Had she done better research, though, Miss Rosenberg would have known that the katra device didn't work the same way as Ethan's spell; it was simply a soul-switching apparatus, instead of a Halloween costume possession. After she and Xander were returned to their own bodies, they would have no memories of each other's life, just a brief experience of supernatural gender-alteration so to speak.

Thus, the whole thing was pointless, even before it began.

And since this was Sunnydale, almost nothing ever went to plan; so, perhaps not unexpectedly, the redhead's scheme pretty much blew up in her face just a few moments later.

Just as Miss Rosenberg reached the love of her life, someone jostled her and the katra device fell to the floor.

Seeing this, Xander automatically bent down to pick it up; and then, after he did so, he came into contact with Buffy's boyfriend Angel. The device lit up while the two males were in physical contact, and suddenly both Angel and Xander looked thunderstruck.

The katra device fell to the floor again due to the shock factor, whereupon it was destroyed by a member of the Sunnydale High swim team accidentally stomping on it as he ran past the group, trying to evade his angry girlfriend.

"Oh my God – how can the same thing happen to the same guy, TWICE?!" Xander-in-Angel looked at Angel-in-Xander and then Willow in pure disbelief.

***

**Abandoned church, Sunnydale, California**

**November 13****th****, 1997**

Xander-in-Angel was pretty sure that he was about to die – or rather become dust, since right now, technically, he was already dead. Well, undead anyway.

The last three days had been torture for him, and not just because the insane female vampire named Drusilla had constantly splashed him with holy water for her own amusement. It was because he'd had to listen to Angelus, Angel's inner vampiric demon, constantly taunting and jeering at him inside Angel's skull. It had nearly been enough to drive him nuts, and Harris had honestly wondered how Angel could possibly stand something like that for an entire century. But right now, his was not to wonder why; his was but to somehow try to survive what was about to happen to him.

As said, three nights ago in the Bronze, Xander's life had been turned completely upside down again just like on Halloween. Everyone had quickly gathered at the library, and Willow had explained what must have happened. The young woman had luckily managed to dodge the question of why she'd ever had such a device on her in the first place, even though the scowl on Giles' face had made her a bit nervous for a while.

When Xander-in-Angel had asked to be returned back into his own body, though, Miss Rosenberg had admitted that she couldn't do that; at least, not yet. She didn't have another such device, and it would take her at least two days to create one from scratch.

That had been painful but bearable for Xander-in-Angel. But what hadn't been tolerable was the Master vampire named Spike discovering that the cure for his undead girlfriend's affliction was sacrificing her sire in an unholy ceremony; and so 'Angel' had been kidnapped and brought to this house of God, in order to be mercilessly slaughtered.

A moment later, Spike walked up the main aisle of the church with a burning incense censer. "Eligor, I name thee. Bringer of war, poisoners, pariahs, grand obscenity," he chanted, as William the Bloody made his way to where Xander-in-Angel and Drusilla were both strapped together to a chain hanging from the ceiling.

Xander-in-Angel felt his right hand being tied to the chain above his head. "Spike..." he managed to mumble.

"Eligor, wretched master of decay, bring about your black medicine," Spike continued on, ignoring that.

"Black medicine," Drusilla echoed dreamily.

Spike set the censer down and picked up the Du Lac Cross with his gloved hand. "Eligor, I beseech thee. Restore your most impious, murderous child," he intoned as he grabbed the downward-pointing tip of the cross with his other hand and yanked down, pulling out a dagger. The vampire then laid the rest of the cross back on the altar and said, "From the blood of the sire she is risen." Spike quickly took Drusilla's left hand and raised it to Xander's as she clasped it tightly. "From the blood of the sire, she shall rise again."

With one swift stroke Spike stabbed the blade through their hands. Xander-in-Angel screamed in agony, as a blinding bright pink light emanated from their wounds. ( _Right, that should do it!_ )

But then, something went wrong as Drusilla started to scream in pain as well.

( _What the bloody hell is this?_ ) Spike thought, looking concerned. ( _She's not supposed to be the one screaming!!_ ) "Dru? DRU!"

Spike instantly went to remove the Du Lac blade, but it was too late; thanks to the mystical connection with the soul within Angel's body, who was anything BUT her sire, Drusilla exploded into ashes from the supernatural incompatibility factor.

"NO!!!" Spike hollered in agony, looking as if someone had just plunged a stake into his own heart. "No, no, no!" The fury suddenly took over, as Spike started glaring at Xander-in-Angel. "YOU! This is all your bloody fault somehow, you stupid ponce!"

"Do you...believe me...now, Spike?" Xander-in-Angel managed to whisper in a broken, raspy tone of voice. "I'm not...Dead Boy..."

It briefly occurred to William the Bloody that that might very well be the case; in fact, it would actually explain why his lady love had been killed instead of healed by the ritual just now. But it made no real difference to the English vampire anymore; he intended to drown the entire world in blood to avenge the loss of his sire, including that of Angel and Xander.

Just as Spike pulled a stake out to finish his captive off, there was commotion at the front doors of the church. The local snitch-bartender Willy came in and strode down the nave towards the altar, with Spike's minion vampires dragging a captive Buffy close behind him.

"It's payday, Spike. I got your Slayer right here!" Willy declared with a wide smile.

The British vampire strode over, grabbed Willy's head and twisted his neck viciously. The human fell dead to the floor, and Spike briefly relished the stricken look on the Chosen One's face.

"Sorry, mate, but your services aren't needed anymore," William said disdainfully to the corpse. Then he turned to the Slayer and said, "Oh, don't worry, Betty – you're next."

"What have you done to Xander?" Miss Summers demanded, seeing her boyfriend's body hanging lifelessly not far away.

Spike briefly looked around, before he growled at her like an animal. "So the git wasn't lying then; that really is the whelp hiding inside there?! That's it, I'm gonna torture him for a bloody century for getting my Dru killed!"

Buffy struggled vainly to get loose from the vampire holding her. In game face, Spike came forward with his glistening fangs heading right for her neck; but then the door suddenly burst open, and Kendra the vampire Slayer came in doing a series of back-flips, ending in a flying double kick that connected to the back of two vampires' heads.

They fell to the floor, pushing Buffy into Spike and knocking him down. Kendra landed on her feet, ready to fight, and wasted no time running over to Spike as he got up, meeting Buffy there to fight him. The junior Chosen One said, "William de Bloody. I've heard of you, vampire."

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Spike demanded, wishing he had more minions to back him up right now.

"Dey call me Kendra," the Caribbean girl said simply.

"Guess it's your lucky day, Spike. Two Slayers for the price of one!" Buffy shouted, as the Chosen Two joined forces to start kicking his ass.

"Xander!" Angel-in-Xander came charging in with Cordelia, Giles, and Willow close behind him. They all saw the ensouled vampire still hanging there, and rushed to get him down as the Slayers split up to dust the attacking fledglings and minions.

Spike, wily old battle veteran that he was, quickly decided to make a break for it when he had a free moment, figuring he'd continue the battle another time when the odds were more in his favour.

"Oh my God," Willow whispered in horror as she stared at Angel's body, with its burned and bruised features.

"Yeah. I'm thinking this isn't going to be pleasant," Angel-in-Xander sighed, staring at Buffy as she managed to finish off the last of the cannon fodder. The last three days had been like a taste of heaven for him, just like they had been a taste of hell for Harris. "But since there's no other choice..."

Angel-in-Xander used the new Draconian katra device that had finally been created, and his current body immediately joined its counterpart down on the floor as it collapsed unconscious.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 14****th****, 1997**

It was Friday morning, and Buffy and Willow were walking along after the blonde Slayer had bidden Kendra farewell outside the school grounds. Both girls had been through a lot recently, and it was hard to say who was going to be the one to break the awkward silence.

"So how's Angel doing?" Willow finally asked, feeling a bit nervous.

"He's getting better," Buffy sighed. "I just wish we'd been able to finish Spike off when we had the chance, but I guess you can't have everything."

"You're enjoying playing nursemaid?"

"Oh, yeah!" Buffy smiled, before her expression turned grim. "Damn it, what Spike and that nutsack Drusilla did to my boyfriend's body..."

"I know. Xander's still refusing to talk about it," Willow shook her head, figuring that she just had to give her beloved some time to come around. "I mean, physically he's fine, but the look in his eyes...I've never seen anything like that before," she confessed.

"I have," Buffy said uncomfortably. "It's the exact same look I see whenever I look into Angel's eyes, it's...it's...oh, I can't even think about it, let alone say it."

"Um, Buffy? While Angel was in Xander's body and vice versa, you never...I mean, you didn't...did you?" Willow had to ask.

"What? Oh, Willow, NO!" Buffy vigorously shook her head as she finally understood the question. "That would have been too weird, come on! I couldn't make out with Angel while he was in Xander's body, and I didn't want to do that with Xander while he was in Angel's body! My God, the complications, the-the problems that would have brought about – I mean, eww!"

"Oh. Well, good," Willow sighed in relief as they arrived at the library. "I'm glad – uh, y'know, that there are no complications or problems to worry about," she added hastily, as Miss Summers entered the Slayage headquarters.

"That's what you think." Willow heard Cordelia's voice before she felt the other girl grab her by the shoulder and drag her away. "We need to talk, Willow. Right the hell now."

"Hey, let go!" Willow yelped before they ended up in the girls' bathroom.

Cordelia checked to make sure they were alone, before turning back to face her companion. The expression on her face was not exactly a pleasant one, as she glared at the redhead.

"What? Why are you doing this?" Miss Rosenberg finally asked.

"You have the nerve to ask me that? Willow, I'm not a clueless dork like Xander, or a trusting bottle-blonde like Buffy. You may have pulled the wool over their eyes, just like you did with Giles and Angel – but not with me. I know perfectly well why you really created that magical doohickie thing, and what you were planning to use it for," Cordelia glared at her. "I always knew you were pathetic – but something like that is going above and beyond, even for you!!"

"I don't, I-I-I don't know what you're talking about," Willow stuttered.

"No? So you weren't planning to switch bodies with Xander, and get to know him as intimately as I do?" Cordelia purred dangerously. "All right. Then let's go back to the library right now and get Giles to do a truth spell on you. If I'm wrong, then you have nothing to fear-"

"NO! I, I mean..." Miss Rosenberg blurted out, her eyes wide.

"I know what you mean. And I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that Xander loves you like a sister – and I can personally remember those feelings for myself – your ass would be so busted right now," Miss Chase glared at Willow with the force of an exploding supernova.

"Cordelia..."

"Don't you 'Cordelia' me," the young woman almost snarled. "What happened to Xander, it's all YOUR fault. You know that, right? He got tortured for hours in Angel's body just because of your hopeless fantasies that, one day, he'll see you as something more than his Willow-shaped friend. And they ARE just fantasies, Willow. Believe me, I know!"

The tears had started falling down Willow's cheeks by this point. "What are you..."

"Xander loves Buffy, you idiot, even though he knows now that even being Angel isn't enough to make her love him back," Cordelia snapped. "And from that perspective, maybe you did him a favour; it's long past time he gave up on that freakazoid. The way Buffy humiliated him with that lap dance at the Bronze a few months ago, I can remember it from Xander's point of view now; and if I'd wanted to bitch-slap her before – well, you can imagine how I felt after Halloween!"

Miss Chase went on, "But the point is, Xander can't help how he feels about her, so do yourself a favour – find someone else. ANYONE else, because unless something drastic happens she'll always be number one in Xander's heart. These days, I know the big dummy well enough to be absolutely certain of that."

"You...you're just trying to scare me off, because you..." Willow trailed off.

"What, you think I want him for myself? Yeah, well, maybe I do," Miss Chase admitted uncomfortably, seeing Willow's shocked look. "Just between us, I've been attracted to the stupid doofus even before he saved my life in that fire, way back when – even though we've still been fighting like cats and dogs ever since that night. And maybe, just maybe, he also feels the same about me; you must have noticed the way Xander's been staring at my rack and my butt lately. But there's no way anything's ever going to happen between us until he's gotten Buffy completely out of his system, however long that takes."

"Which will happen when, do you think?" Willow finally wiped her eyes clean of the tears.

"Who knows?" Cordelia shrugged. Then her eyes narrowed, as she refocused her attention to the original subject that she had wanted to address with the redhead.

"But if and when that day comes, Willow, you won't be any sort of competition against me. I know that much, I can PROMISE you that much, right now. So just don't ever try to pull anything like that body-switching stunt again, or else everyone will learn about this particular conversation."

Miss Chase then whirled around and left the bathroom, almost growling like an angry lioness.

If only Cordelia and Willow knew what was coming in a few years' time, with Faith the vampire Slayer one day switching bodies with Buffy...

***

Next: Story 29 - Steele In Control


	29. Steele In Control

**Date written**: Thu 29 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Greetings everyone, wow – over 150 reviews! I never expected to get this far when this series started, so thanks for all the feedback. I know I've been saying that a lot over the past month or so, but without it, most likely I wouldn't have gotten this far, gosh darn it! Jason Barnett, I'm sorry you didn't like the previous story but please don't think I was bashing Willow or anything; that's not something which I was aiming for, I promise. Anyway, this latest story idea is based on a XanderZone posting that took place a few months ago, which one of my beta readers told me about. I'm not sure if I've followed it verbatim, but whoever came up with the idea, thanks and I did my best, sorry if I got anything wrong.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 29: Steele In Control

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

"Well, look who we've got 'ere," the vampire known as Spike drawled, as he stared at all his captives – most of who were glaring at him, struggling to get loose from the demons holding them prisoner in the warehouse. "Regular li'l detective's convention, innit?"

Spike definitely had a point; this year for the annual Halloween safety escort program, for some reason known only to the gods above and below, Principal Snyder had listened to the Drama teacher named Mr. Hindley, and decided that the junior year students had to dress up as either historical or fictional detectives. Some kids had dressed up as Sherlock Holmes, others as Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe; but for the group known as the Scooby Gang, it was a very different set of Halloween costumes that had been purchased from Ethan's Costume Shop yesterday.

In brief, Xander Harris had dressed up as the one and only Remington Steele, a Humphrey Bogart-loving thief-slash-con man who had assumed a nonexistent detective's life and later decided to play the part permanently. Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Cordelia Chase and Harmony Kendall, on the other hand, had all dressed up as members of Charlie's Angels; a group of beautiful private investigators working for a mysterious boss known as Charles Townsend.

Thus, the TV show characters known as Jill Munroe, Kelly Garrett, Julie Rogers and Kris Munroe struggled helplessly as Spike sauntered over to the former vampire Slayer. Taking a moment to smirk at the Farrah Fawcett hairstyle, Spike said to Jill, "Bloody hell. You're not even a Slayer anymore, are you? I could do anything I liked to you, pet; show you just how much of a party animal I can really be – and there ain't a thing you could do to stop me..."

"Leave her alone, you horse's arse!" Remington's accented voice shouted angrily, as he tried to get loose from the...things...holding him prisoner. Steele still had no idea what was going on tonight and how he was going to get out of this alive, not to mention help his female companions escape. But the one-time crook knew he was damned if he was going to just give up and die at the hands of this bleached-blonde nightmare.

Steele then added cuttingly, "Pick on someone your own size! Unless of course, it's as I suspect – and you simply don't measure up where it counts..."

Now THAT was enough to set Spike's teeth on edge. He strode over to the male captive and slugged Steele hard enough to break ribs. "Y'know, mate, you're beginning to piss me off," William the Bloody said conversationally, as flecks of blood began to appear at the corner of Xander's lips, thanks to his lungs being pierced. "Prob'ly oughta do you in right now, come to think of it. Why the hell should I keep you alive? Don't happen to swing that way, after all."

( _Well, apart from that one time with the magnificent poof – no! Don't think about that, bleeding heck, focus! It's time to do what we vampires do!_ ) Spike thought angrily to himself.

Jill Munroe, the sporty, athletic and most famous Charlie's Angel of them all, saw the enemy coming back towards her. "When I get loose, I'm gonna make you regret the day you were ever born!" she shouted at Spike.

"You tell him, Jill!" Kris Munroe, previously the Cordette known as Harmony, called out encouragingly.

Kelly Garret, the exotically beautiful and sophisticated brunette Angel who Cordelia had chosen to dress up as, almost managed to get loose before the child-possessed demon minion recaptured her. She cursed in an extremely unladylike way, struggling once again to escape.

With a growl, Spike strode over to her and slapped the female detective across the face, hard. "You, the bloody cheerleader. Try that again and I'll hurt you before I rip yer head off with me bare hands, got it?"

William then walked over to Julie Rogers, the streetwise tough-talking Angel who used to be Willow, and smacked her as well. "You think I didn't see that gesture, luv? Cor blimey, but you lot are more trouble than you're worth I'd reckon..."

He gestured to his small army, "Kill 'em all, except for the Slayer. She's mine to deal with, personally."

Just as all appeared lost – the Dark Avenger himself, the ensouled vampire known as Angel, burst into the warehouse and began to engage in a desperate battle with the bad guys. When, all of a sudden – the chaos spell that everyone was under ended, and the five teenagers instantly became themselves once more.

"Oh, GROSS!" Buffy shouted, feeling nauseated. Miss Summers could remember everything that had happened tonight, and she could remember everything about Jill Munroe's life too; even those parts where she'd been an undercover criminal and a Playmate centrefold in the line of duty.

The others were also looking revolted, as they stood amongst the squalling and frightened little children. Harmony could remember Kris Munroe's life, and the thought of being Buffy's little sister made her want to hurl. There were also the memories of being, amongst other things, an ice-skating clown, a trucker, a Keystone Cop, an assistant to a circus knife thrower and a singer to deal with.

Willow felt sick remembering everything that Julie Rogers had done in her life, the crimes she'd committed and the time she'd served before becoming an Angel, as well as acute embarrassment at her new physique; it seemed that for modelling and wearing a bikini like Julie had loved to do, she was definitely going to have to upgrade to a new cup size.

If Buffy, Willow and Harmony felt ill, though, Cordelia literally wanted to curl up somewhere and die. She could remember ALL the horrors of Kelly's life – the orphanage, the car chases, kidnappings, chloroformings, explosions, hostage situations, the murderous post-hypnotic suggestion, the heroin addiction, and even two separate incidents of a gunshot wound to the head. Doing her best to savagely repress it all, Miss Chase just motioned to Willow and Harmony to join her as she grabbed Xander by the arm to pull him back.

Harris didn't offer any resistance, as he was clutching his chest in pain; the man was nursing severe internal injuries, thanks to Spike's sledgehammer-like blows. Add to that the memories of Remington Steele – or Harry Chalmers, or Ben Pearson, or Michael O'Leary, or any of the man's other aliases – and Xander could hardly even breathe.

The battle against Spike didn't last long, though, as he had lost all his minions in one fell swoop. After William the Bloody wisely ran off, one of Xander's friends quickly took the male teen to the hospital while the rest took care of the still-terrified prepubescent kids.

Even though none of the gang knew it yet, the events of tonight were a key turning point on the road of destiny. Thanks to their choice of Halloween costumes, the fates of every single member of the group would be irrevocably altered from what had previously been meant to be, from this point onwards.

***

**Just outside the Sunnydale town limits, California**

**September 25****th****, 1999**

"Goodbye Sunnydale," Buffy whispered to herself, as she, Willow and the redhead's boyfriend Oz sped away in the werewolf-musician's truck. As part of her farewell Buffy took a moment to remember Harmony, who had been killed at Graduation, just months ago. She also took a moment to think of her mother, Joyce, and her Watcher, Rupert Giles; it felt painful leaving them behind like this.

"Buffy? Are you feeling okay?" Willow looked around from the front passenger seat, where she was sitting alongside Oz. "Buffy?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Miss Summers replied. "I feel a little down right now, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon."

"No regrets leaving the Sunnydale Slaying duties to Faith?" Willow asked, referring to the brunette Chosen One who had acted as a decoy and spy in the Mayor's camp, and had helped bring down this year's Big Bad.

"Nah. If anything, I'm just sorry to leave Giles to Faith's tender mercies," Buffy smirked.

"Could be that she's just about given him a stroke by now," Oz commented sagely. He liked the wild child Slayer, but considered her fascination with how far she could rebel against authority unhealthy.

"Oh, I miss Giles already," Willow sighed.

"Well, I'm sure the whiskey's helping him cope with Faith staying on the Hellmouth, and the rest of us leaving," Buffy joked.

"I still can't believe we're gonna be on our own from now on. It's so exciting," Willow practically bounced in her seat in exhilaration.

Smiling, Buffy remembered the day she'd gone to Willow and suggested they try to get into UCLA instead of UC Sunnydale, before time ran out on the application dates. She'd been missing her ex-boyfriend Angel über-bad, as he had abandoned her after Graduation, just walking off into the mist that day. Anyway, after days of intense persuasion and argument on the Slayer's part, Willow had finally agreed, and convinced Oz to come along for the ride. Not that it really took much to persuade him to do it, as wherever Willow would have led him the werewolf would have gladly followed.

Buffy's only regret was that she hadn't been able to locate Xander to ask him if he'd want to come along, and relocate to the big city. He was still off somewhere in parts unknown, and neither of the girls had heard anything from him ever since his last postcard in August. Miss Summers wasn't sure if Harris would have come or not after returning from his Kerouac-style road trip, given that he had no chance of getting into college with his SAT scores – but still, it would have been nice to ask him.

Finally, the van made it to the outskirts of the City of Angels, and Buffy gazed out the window to stare at the metropolis; which, just a few years ago, she used to call home.

"Wow. We're here already?" Miss Summers asked.

"Yep," Oz said laconically. "Welcome to Los Angeles."

***

**141 Embury Street, Los Angeles, California**

**November 6****th****, 1999**

Xander Harris looked at the furnished rental apartment, and then at the apartment manager before glancing back at Buffy, Willow and Oz. ( _I think I like this place, and I'm pretty sure they do too..._ )

Perhaps not unexpectedly, the young man had eventually followed his friends to Los Angeles after arriving back in Sunnydale the day after they'd all left. His parents had decided to start charging him rent to live in his own basement, and Xander's recent encounter with the girl named Anya Jenkins had convinced him that it might be wiser to get out of town in order to avoid her for the foreseeable future.

The ex-vengeance demon did not take rejection well, and Xander's refusal of her sexual advances – thanks to the remnants of the Remington Steele memories – had definitely annoyed her. So with Faith and Giles too busy doing their own thing, and the job market in Sunnydale less than spectacular, Harris had headed south to find the rest of the gang.

"So what do you think?" the apartment manager looked at Xander, bringing him back to the here and now.

"Getting weird vibes off of this place," Oz commented in his Yoda-like way.

"Oz!" Willow chastised him lightly.

"I'm just saying," the werewolf shrugged. "Buffy?"

"Yeah, there's definitely a vibe-iness thing happening here," the blonde Slayer agreed. "I heard the previous tenant broke their lease and ran off last week, it was practically the talk of the entire campus. So what's wrong with this place?"

"There's nothing wrong with it," the manager said stiffly. "It was the tenant who had a problem with the apartment, not the other way around."

"I'll take it," Xander abruptly decided, just before the front door opened – and Cordelia and a guy named Alan Francis Doyle walked in, escorted by a female real estate agent.

"Oh! Estelle, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were showing this place to somebody," the housing agent apologized at once. "I was just bringing these people to look at the apartment-"

"What are you guys doing here?" Cordelia asked, her eyes immediately drawn to her ex-boyfriend. "Especially you, Xander!"

"You people know each other?" the apartment manager looked briefly surprised at the seeming coincidence.

"Hello, Cordelia," Xander replied stonily. Buffy, Willow and Oz instantly looked uncomfortable – well, the girls did anyway – figuring that this was going to be an unwelcome return to the bad old days. "Welcome to my new apartment."

"Your apartment! I thought you said this place was unoccupied?" Cordelia turned her glare towards Doyle.

"It was, until less than a minute ago," Estelle nodded. "Mr. Harris, I'll just go get you the rental forms, I'll be right back." She quickly left out the front door.

"We'd best get going then, princess, don'tcha think?" Doyle asked Cordy after the real estate agent said her farewells and left, knowing there was no sale to be made here. "Angel's probably expecting us back at the office-"

"Angel?" Buffy and Willow demanded at once. "As in MY Angel?" Buffy wanted to know, staring at Cordelia.

"Yes, Buffy, your Angel," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Your ex-boyfriend, and my current boss – Doyle's, too, for that matter."

"You work for Captain Hairgel? Doing what?" Xander demanded, ignoring Buffy's scowl over the nickname.

"What's it to you?" Cordy asked him belligerently.

"Curiosity over whether he's the only dead weight hanging around that office environment," Xander sniped back.

"Oh, of all the NERVE!" Cordelia snarled.

"Guys, guys! Come on," Willow said nervously. "High school's over now, remember? New start elsewhere and all that. Can't we just put the mistakes of the past behind us?"

Xander and Cordelia simply stared at her for a moment, before answering "No!" in perfect unison.

"You – Doyle, or whatever your name is. Tell me where I can find Angel. I want to talk to him," Buffy said determinedly, deciding to put the childish bickering out of her mind.

"Oh, just take her back to the office," Cordelia gestured, before turning to face Xander. "I want to talk to you, dork – alone."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Delia?" Doyle asked in concern. But before Miss Chase could answer, Buffy had grabbed him and dragged him out of there, Willow and Oz loyally following after them.

"So, you followed your friends out of Sunnydale? Well, big surprise. You never could stop hiding behind your Buffy, could you?" Cordelia asked nastily.

"Is there a point to this conversation, or should I be asking you to get out of my new apartment?" Xander shot back.

Cordelia fought down the overwhelming urge to let loose at this jerk, guns blazing. She knew it wouldn't help attain her objective, so she said as calmly as possible, "Look, I know you got here first – but, I-I need this apartment more than you do-"

"I don't care!" Xander told her bluntly.

"Damn it, Xander – I've been running around looking at one place after the other, all day!" Cordelia told him passionately, gesturing wildly. "I've been living in filth for the last month, I've been stuck in an apartment that ended up full of cockroaches – all skinny feet and, like, huge antlers! Please – I have to have this apartment, it's the only decent thing I can afford! So what's it going to take for you to back off and let me have it?"

"Weren't you listening to me before? You can't have this apartment. Because you have nothing that I want," Harris told her quite frankly.

"Mr. Harris, I have the rental forms right here," Estelle came back in with some forms in her hand, which she handed over to Xander. When the young man saw how much it would cost to acquire the rent-controlled apartment, though, his eyes went wide.

"You're asking this much per month, as well as the security deposit?" Xander had to say it.

Cordelia grabbed the papers. "I'll pay it!"

"No, you won't!" Xander grabbed the papers back.

"Well, you obviously can't afford it!" Miss Chase retorted, as a tug of war began.

"Well, you're not taking this place away from me!"

"Let go, you loser!" Cordelia began to scream, oblivious to the watching Estelle.

"The hell I will, you airhead!" Xander screamed back, equally oblivious to the apartment manager.

( _Are these two insane?_ ) Estelle asked herself, before she let out a loud, piercing whistle. "All right, that's it. Both of you, out! Neither of you are moving in here, if that's gonna be your attitude!"

"No, no, no!" Xander said hastily, as he let go of the rental papers. "Uh, really, this is just a, a minor misunderstanding. Cordelia and I are actually the best of friends – she was once the love of my life, even!" Harris then grabbed the brunette and held her close, despite the look on Cordelia's face for his unwelcome familiarity. "We dated for over a year in high school!"

"Is that true?" Estelle asked testily.

"Well, yeah..." Then Cordelia slowly began to smile. "In fact, that's why we're gonna move into this apartment together, in order to share the rent and living expenses."

"We're WHAT?!" Xander yelped, letting go and looking at her as if she was crazy. "OW!" he then cried out, as Cordelia kicked him in the shin.

"Could I have a pen, please?" Queen C asked regally, before she put her name on the papers as Xander hopped around on one foot in terrible pain. "It's your turn, sign on the dotted line. Come on, Xander, hurry up!" Miss Chase snapped irritably, as Estelle simply shook her head at the teenagers' antics. "I've got to get back to work before sunset, remember?"

***

**Angel Investigations headquarters, Los Angeles, California**

**A while later**

"So lemme get this straight, you two and Delia were actually Charlie's Angels for one night two years ago?" Doyle asked in astonishment, while he and the three Scoobies were waiting for Angel to return. "Why didn't the big brooding vampire or the princess ever tell me that?"

"It's, it's not something we like to talk about much, or even think about much," Willow offered, reminded yet again of the night her cleavage had been mystically enhanced. She glanced at Buffy, whom she suspected was thinking about Harmony; the pseudo-sister hadn't actually become a friend over the years, but she'd no longer really been an enemy, either, before she'd died at Graduation. Miss Rosenberg added, "And I think Cordelia deliberately did something to make herself forget all that, after her family lost all its money. Too many bad memories in the mix."

"And that fella you girls were with at the apartment before?" Doyle asked.

"Xander? He became Remington Steele for the night," Buffy smiled. "That actually helped a lot over the years, whenever we had to steal something to prevent the end of the world or whatever."

At that moment, Angel came into the room from his basement apartment, and he stopped short when he recognized the unexpected visitors. "Buffy? Willow, Oz? What are you guys doing here?"

"Hey, man. Will, I'm thinking that's our cue to leave," Oz commented, staring at Angel and then at his girlfriend.

"Good idea. Doyle, why don't you show us some of the sights of LA? We've only been here about a month, after all," Willow nodded, easily able to read the instant tension between Buffy and Angel, just like her boyfriend had.

Doyle shrugged. "There's this little Irish pub I know, if you guys are interested." He then called out, "Later, Angel!" as he, Willow and Oz left.

Once they were alone, Buffy started to fidget, not sure what to say. "So. Here you are, LA detective agency and all."

"Yeah. Different circumstances – you, Willow and Cordelia might have been calling me 'Charlie' right now. What with that Halloween a couple of years ago," Angel made a weak joke.

"So who would that make Xander, Bosley? Forget it. He's too good a thief to waste on a job like that," Buffy riposted in kind.

"Why are you here, Buffy?" Angel suddenly cut through to the heart of the matter.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," the Slayer admitted. "I just, I heard that Cordelia and that Doyle guy were working for you when we all ran into them today at that apartment-"

"Apartment? Has Cordelia found someplace to move in already? Good," Angel nodded. "I need my space around here."

"Cordelia's living with you now?" Miss Summers couldn't help the note of pure jealousy in her voice.

"Just for one night, and I slept on the couch," Angel smirked, finding his ex's feelings adorable. "Besides, Doyle's already staked his claim to that territory. So, how long are you in town for?"

"The next four years. I'm a student at UCLA now," Buffy admitted, noting his surprise at hearing that.

Just then, Xander and Cordelia came storming into the office in the middle of an intense screaming match. It was full-on, hard-core flying insults, back and forth. It was also embarrassing, considering how old they were, but when these two really got going, it often took the equivalent of an upcoming apocalypse to distract them from it.

Taking no notice of Buffy or Angel, Xander yelled furiously, "I can't believe you, Cordelia; you almost broke my leg when you kicked me like that! You are the nuttiest, the-the biggest fruitcake I've ever met!"

"And you, Xander Harris, are the most arrogant, self-centred, son of a-" Cordelia shouted back.

"You call me something like that, and I will kick you out of our apartment before you're even moved in!" Xander roared.

'Our apartment?' Angel mouthed at Buffy who just shrugged.

"I can't believe how obnoxious you've become ever since Graduation!!" Cordelia shrieked.

"Oh, hey, you've become WAY more obnoxious than me!" Xander fired back.

"Well, I'm just glad we never got back together after Prom!"

"Not half as glad as I am!"

"Oh, really?!" Cordelia sneered.

"REALLY!" Xander said before they stopped, staring at one another. Harris looked shocked and added, "Are you as turned on as I am right now?"

"Yeah!" Cordelia admitted, the old high school feelings having returned with a vengeance. Before doing something stupid like succumbing to the temptation of sucking Xander's tonsils out, the young woman quickly turned to Angel and said, "Good news! I found an apartment, so I can move out of here tomorrow."

"Xander, I thought you already got that apartment for yourself?" Buffy asked with an upraised eyebrow.

"Cordy kicked me and signed her name on the papers, while I was hopping around on one foot," Xander admitted. Then he sighed, accepting the inevitable before looking at Angel. "By the way, pal; you're not invited into the apartment – ever."

"Hey! I can invite whoever I want into my house!!" Cordelia said, looking mad.

"Oh, no! No way am I going to live in fear that this guy will come in and snack on my neck, if Angel suddenly gets a happy and goes completely psycho again," Xander glared at her. "What's the matter with you? A few months here in Los Angeles, and you've completely forgotten what Angelus is capable of?"

"XANDER!!" Buffy shouted, deeply offended by her friend's words.

"No, he's right," Angel admitted, to everyone's surprise.

"He is?" Cordelia asked in astonishment.

"There's an old saying about how familiarity breeds contempt, and Xander was the only one in Sunnydale never to succumb to that," the ensouled vampire noted. "He never once forgot what I was. Just about everyone else did, and people died because of that."

Angel turned to his ex and said, "It's one of the reasons I left, Buffy; I could feel Angelus getting closer and closer to the surface, whenever I was around you. That's why we shouldn't see each other socially, now that you're living here in this city. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it's going to have to be."

Upset, Buffy simply turned around and left the detective agency. Deep down she'd been hoping they could reconcile, but now all her hopes had been dashed all over again. ( _I guess it really is over forever, huh?_ )

Xander saw her depart and said to Angel, "Well, you really have been working on your people skills, haven't you?"

"And you obviously haven't changed much," Angel replied in kind. "Why is it that no matter where I go, Xander, I can't seem to avoid running into you? I'm beginning to think it must be part of the soul curse Willow did a few years ago, a safety measure regarding the perfect happiness thing."

"Ha, ha," Harris scowled as Cordelia giggled helplessly. "Just don't think I'm going to become friends with you anytime soon, Overbite. Even if I won't be able to avoid you on occasion now that your secretary is my roommate, I'm not gonna be socializing with you unless there's an apocalypse happening."

"Fair enough," Angel admitted. "Just as long as you don't hurt Cordelia again like what happened with that rebar last year, that's fine with me."

Xander's glare was almost enough to incinerate the ensouled vampire, right on the spot.

***

**An alley somewhere in Los Angeles, California**

**December 20****th****, 1999**

A lot had happened over the last two months, some of it not exactly good.

Willow, Oz and Doyle had been attacked by a Kailiff demon named Griff as they'd left the Irish bar that day, and the half-demon seer had gotten killed; his gift of sight lost without being passed on to Cordelia, which mightily pissed off one of the higher beings up there.

Actually, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that that was just the beginning of the fallen Power getting completely pissed off, as Cordelia had gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend as well, by this point.

It had all started with the apartment they'd gotten, which had turned out to be haunted. Obviously, their old Sunnydale luck had followed them to the big city.

After a brief Charlie's Angels-style investigation by the girls, they'd discovered that the poltergeist was most likely Maude Pearson, the former owner of the place who'd died decades ago. The evil spirit had almost killed Cordelia, before Xander had saved her life; and during the attempted exorcism, Miss Chase had rediscovered her inner bitch and unleashed the ghost of Dennis Pearson, the son Maude had murdered, to deal with the bad guy.

There had been other incidents, such as Buffy almost getting shot by a group of overly-sensitive cops, and Oz almost getting killed by a Mohra demon. But it was when Angel had saved a bunch of half-demon refugees from a Nazi-esque cult called the Scourge, and Xander had saved everyone's life after unlocking the cargo ship doors just before a bomb had been about to go off, that Cordelia had finally realized how life was too short to hang onto the mistakes of the past – and she'd eventually moved into Xander's bedroom.

Right now, though? Buffy, Willow, Oz and Xander were at a crime scene, having discovered a dead girl with a cross carved onto her cheek.

"Vampire," the Slayer said angrily, checking out the bite marks on her neck. "Third one this week with this 'signature', too. Man, this guy is starting to piss me off!"

"I did some research to try to profile the vampire, but, uh, I didn't get far," Willow admitted. "Buffy, don't you think we ought to consult with Angel on this? He might know something about this so-called Pope killer."

Buffy waited for the automatic objection from Xander, but oddly, it never came. The young man was still examining the corpse, a frown on his features. So Miss Summers said, "Okay, let's go see him..." The howl of a police siren could suddenly be heard. "In fact, now might be a good time!"

So saying, the Scooby Gang left the murder scene before the cops could arrive. But when they arrived at Angel Investigations, the group saw Cordelia holding a cross up to keep Angel at bay. "What's going on here?" Harris demanded.

"Xander, you were absolutely right about not inviting this guy into our house!" Cordelia exclaimed. "He's been going around killing people!"

"WHAT?" Buffy refused to believe it without proof.

"Cordelia, I didn't say that. I said that I have no memory of actually doing any of the killings that have been reported in the news, it's just I've been having dreams about them every night lately."

"Oh. What sort of dreams?" Cordelia asked, as she lowered the cross and Xander quickly came over to her side.

"Killing dreams. They're always the same," Angel visibly swallowed. "I-I stalk those people, toy with them, then mark them with Angelus's old signature while they're still alive. And before they can die from their fear, I feed on them."

"Okay. So you've been having nightmares, that doesn't mean you-" Buffy started to say.

"They're not nightmares. I've enjoyed them," the ensouled vampire admitted.

"Oh," Willow said numbly.

"I gotta second that," Oz nodded.

"Look, Dead Boy, there's only one thing I want to know: did you do it, or didn't you? Because I never heard of a vampire sleepwalking," Xander said acidly.

"Vampires can't sleepwalk. Angel takes one step out the front door, and he'd, like, burst into flames!" Cordelia reminded her boyfriend.

"Unless it's happening during the pre-dawn hours. Which, according to the papers, is when all these murders took place," Buffy noted. She hated to say it, but her prior experiences with Angelus had taught her that she couldn't afford to simply hope for the best anymore.

Angel shrugged. "There's only one way to be sure."

***

**3336 Channel Avenue, Los Angeles, California**

**December 22****nd****, 1999**

Angel had quickly been cleared of suspicion, after being strapped down to his bed for the night and another murder had taken place. After yet another seriously disturbing dream, Angel had identified the killer as Penn: a 200-year-old Puritan vampire Angelus had sired back in the 18th century. Due to the physical proximity, the sire-childe bond had been strong enough for the undead detective to mystically 'see' what Penn had been doing lately.

The gang had started to research anything they could find on the soulless demon, and they'd discovered that this vampire hadn't changed his act in two centuries; namely, killing his human family over and over again. Thus, once they knew what they were looking for, Penn had been spotted canvassing his latest victim – and he had holed up in this abandoned warehouse with the Scoobies hot on his trail.

"Why does it always have to be warehouses?" Willow grumbled, as she and her friends spread out to look for the enemy. "I thought that that was just a Sunnydale thing."

"Gotta respect the classics, Will," Xander replied, cross and stake in hand.

"Thinking he's right," Oz nodded.

"Vampires and warehouses go together like a chicken and...another chicken," Buffy smirked, recalling a long-ago conversation with Giles. "Everyone keep an eye out, this guy could be-"

Suddenly a figure dropped through the floor above to land between them in a cloud of dust. Penn instantly grabbed Cordelia and said, "No closer, or I open up her carotid!"

"You do that, and guess where the first one goes before I stake your ass!" Xander shouted, aiming directly for Penn's crotch with his crossbow.

"You got one chance, vampire – let her go and I'll give you a five-second head start. Or else you and Mr. Pointy here are going to get very closely acquainted," the Slayer promised Penn.

"Slayer," Penn sneered, but still dragging Cordelia backwards.

"Slayee," Miss Summers replied, her Slayersense suddenly tingling. ( _Wait a minute..._ )

"Hello, Penn," Angel greeted him as he dropped down out of the same hole which his childe had used, and headed towards the other vampire.

"Angelus! My God, it's been over a lifetime," Penn said in delight, not objecting to the other vampire's presence as Angel arrived alongside him. "I'm glad you're here – could you take care of this Slayer for me?"

"That's not why I came here," Angel replied, letting a stake slide down his sleeve into his palm.

Penn looked confused, even as he held Cordy tighter when she started to struggle. "Yeah? Then why are you here?"

"To kill you." Moving faster than the eye could see, Angel staked Penn in the back and he exploded into ashes.

"UGHH!" Cordelia coughed out the dust that she'd automatically inhaled in disgust. "Oh, God, I hope that stuff doesn't give me cancer..."

"Are you okay?" Xander looked very concerned for his girlfriend, grabbing and holding her tight, checking her for any injuries. "Honey, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Just, just take me home," Cordelia suddenly sneezed, getting rid of the last of the dust. "I need some Midol, not to mention a long hot shower!"

( _Well, thank God for that,_ ) Xander thought to himself as the relief washed over him. As he and Miss Chase left, Willow and Oz followed them; but Buffy stayed behind as she saw Angel staring at Penn's ashes.

"You okay?" Miss Summers asked the vampire carefully.

"Yeah, it's just..."

"What?"

"You saw the police files Xander somehow acquired – Boston, 1908. Los Angeles, both 1929 and 1963. Penn killed so many people because I taught him how to do it so well," Angel admitted. "You heard what he called me just now, right? Angelus. He had no doubts that that was who I was, he could still sense that I was his sire-"

"But that's not who you are, Angel. At least not anymore," Buffy insisted. "Yeah, Angelus is still in there, and that's why you dreamed those dreams. But that doesn't mean anything as far as I'm concerned; because your soul is also in there, and you should keep that in mind!"

Buffy paused. "Xander and I had a...a conversation about it once, I guess you could say. I wanted to know why the hell he was always so down on you all the time, and he said that when I looked at you all I saw was the soul of the man I fell in love with; but he saw the huge trail of bodies you've left behind you. So I told him that people can change, that people DO change-"

"Penn didn't," Angel interrupted, gesturing to the dust on the floor.

"He didn't qualify as people. You do," Buffy said dismissively. "People can change for the better, even though the monsters can't. Now let's get out of here, huh? I still have some studying to do, and you've got a business to run. Tomorrow's gonna be a brand new day for both of us."

Angel let her grab his arm and guide him away from the warehouse, wondering if his beloved Slayer would ever really change either.

***

Next: Story 30 - Necromantic twist


	30. Necromantic twist

**Date written**: Fri 30 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics_ ) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www. fanfiction. net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2: **Well, it's getting to be near that point in time. There's only one more story to go after this one! Thanks to everybody who's stayed with me so far, and I hope you've enjoyed this series of stories. Jason Barnett, about Angel staying human during 1999 – I've done that plot bunny before (a LONG time ago) in the story "All Things New". As for Cordelia, once she got cursed with the visions she was almost inevitably doomed to die in a few years from the brain damage, and I didn't want that to happen in the previous story. Now, onto this fanfic; it's the product of an idea I had where "what if Angel was afraid of Xander instead of the other way around?", and my rather convoluted thought processes came up with this.

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 30: Necromantic twist

**Central office of Passport Applications, London, England**

**October 20****th****, 1997**

"I don't understand," Ethan Rayne said, looking perplexed as he stared at the Englishman on the other side of the counter. "I've filled out all the proper forms, haven't I? And I need a passport, because I certainly can't go abroad without one. So what exactly is the problem, if I might ask?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know the answer to that," his companion said politely. "All I know is your application was rejected by someone in the Passport office. If you'd care to fill out the forms and apply again..."

"Oh, bleeding heck – and hang on, don't tell me that I'll have to pay the bloody application fee again?" Ethan demanded, his ire growing.

"I'm afraid so, yes," the civil servant said apologetically.

Ethan started fuming, as he calculated scenarios in his head. ( _Bloody hell..._ )

Even if he filled in the forms and they were processed today, by the time he got his passport, it would be too late to find 'Ripper' on the Hellmouth and play that little Halloween prank on him. After all, the amount of time needed to negotiate with the local chamber of commerce and set up a costume shop, not to mention get enough advertising for a significant number of people to come into his store – no, if you were going to do something like this you had to do it right, and it looked like he had been checkmated by the hand of fate.

( _Oh, well, I guess there's always next year..._ ) he mentally sighed, giving up for now. Ethan just quickly said his curt farewells to the clerk and left the Passport office.

Not long afterwards he ran into two old chums of his, Deidre Page and Philip Henry. Like Ethan they were initiates of the sleepwalker demon known as Eyghon, who had recently come back somehow and possessed the man named Thomas Sutcliff. The group was targeted for termination; but luckily after joining forces, Deidre, Philip and Ethan eventually managed to defeat the demon, torching Thomas's corpse and moving on with their lives afterwards.

And over in Sunnydale, Rupert Giles, Watcher to the vampire Slayer named Buffy Summers, remained in complete ignorance of the affairs of those he had called friends during the days of his wilder youth.

***

**Outside Ethan's Costume Shop, Sunnydale, California**

**October 30****th****, 1998**

Xander Harris felt like pure scum as he headed towards the Halloween costume shop, and the reasons for that involved his best friend named Willow Rosenberg.

Things were rather different here and now than they would have been in a world where Ethan had arrived in town last year. For example, nothing much had happened during Halloween twelve months ago; all the high school students had taken their little brats out trick o' treating for a couple of hours, and then returned them to their parents at the school without incident.

About the most exciting occurrence was Buffy finding out that her undead boyfriend Angel wasn't all that keen on her noblewoman costume, and so the next day she had decided to try the tavern wench approach instead – to much greater effectiveness.

The lack of possession by a Halloween costume persona was a problem, however. Not so much for Buffy or Willow, who would have rejected everything concerning a snobbish noblewoman and a noncorporeal ghost anyway, but for Xander – it was a significantly different story. Too many threads of fate depended on him acquiring and retaining those Halloween costume memories in order to prevent disaster and even the end of the world, further down the line.

Fortunately, disaster and the apocalypse had been avoided when Angel had managed to get on a boat with the arm of the Judge back in January, thanks to Xander showing up in the right place at the wrong time. Thus, Angel had never lost his soul and had eventually come back to prevent the demon Acathla from destroying the world, four months later.

But fate can be a fickle mistress, and the Hellmouth definitely had this nasty habit of throwing the unexpected at you. In this case, the unexpected involved Xander and the new Slayer named Faith Lehane.

Faith had arrived in town and integrated into Buffy's social circle not long after Harris had broken up with his girlfriend, Cordelia Chase. The break-up itself was due to the fact that, because Buffy had never run away to Los Angeles over the summer, she had been there for the nightly patrols after school resumed; and Xander and Cordy had had a relationship-destroying fight in a cemetery after the cheerleader's return from the Las Palmas resort in Mexico.

But that wasn't why Xander was feeling like scum right now. The reason for that was that he and Willow had been sharing illicit smoochies for the last two weeks, ever since Homecoming – Miss Rosenberg had been cheating on her boyfriend with her best male friend, despite how horrible it made both her and Xander feel.

( _I'm an evil, nasty person,_ ) Xander thought to himself in shame as he entered the shop. ( _WHY am I doing this to Oz? He's a decent guy, someone real special to Willow. Okay, he gets more than a little hairy three nights a month, but that's not his fault! Damn it, am I so desperate for a woman that I'm willing to discard ALL my morals?_ )

"Can I be of assistance, young man?" a cultured British voice asked as the male teen quickly looked around.

"Yeah, I'm looking for something that's, uh, cheap and simple for tomorrow night. Don't have much money on me, I'm afraid," Harris confessed to Ethan.

Seeing Xander's glum look, Ethan asked, "Is there anything in particular you're looking for?"

"I guess...something that says 'good guy'," Xander said contemplatively. "I dunno, maybe I should just dress up like Giles-"

"Giles? Rupert Giles, by any chance?" Ethan smiled like a shark as he saw Xander nod. "Well, what a coincidence! I know him quite well, Rupert's an old friend. So I insist you take something on the house. Like...this!" The British man gave Xander a coat, one that he had acquired third-hand in Los Angeles.

"It's yours for free, in exchange for some good word of mouth publicity for my store," he offered with a wide smile. "What do you say?"

The coat was tweed, and of decent quality. But unfortunately, Xander had no idea what he was letting himself in for as he nodded his head, because Ethan had secretly cursed everything in his shop for all of his customers to become their Halloween costumes tomorrow night.

Better late than never, at least according to Ethan Rayne's rather twisted point of view.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1998**

It was a Sunday morning, but Faith the vampire Slayer was heading straight for the school, anyhow. She was still far too wired from the events of last night to do otherwise.

( _What the freaking hell happened, anyway?_ ) the brunette Chosen One asked herself yet again. ( _Everybody turned into their damn Halloween costumes? Dog Boy and Red became Romeo and Juliet, and B became Little Red Riding Hood? It's a damn good thing Fang and I were there to prevent 'em all getting killed. But hey, I wonder what happened to X..._ )

As Faith entered the library, she was rather surprised to see Xander sitting on the steps to the mezzanine level – and she was shocked to see that he was silently weeping.

"Xander? What are ya doing here? And what's wrong?" the Boston Slayer asked, a frown on her face.

"Cordelia's dead," Xander replied, wiping his eyes. "She and a bunch of her friends got killed last night. I heard on the news that it's being blamed on 'gang violence', instead of the real Hellmouthy reason. I, I...I know we were broken up and all, but I still..."

Faith was instantly very uncomfortable. She'd figured this guy had been overcompensating lately for the loss of his stuck-up girlfriend; but this sort of genuine grief was something totally unexpected, and she had no idea how to deal with it. Sad to say, but she didn't do relationships, being a 'want, take, have' kind of girl.

"Well, uh, I'm sorry and all that," the dark-haired Slayer finally said. "So there's gonna be a funeral, right? You going to attend?"

"I should, but I don't know if it's a good idea," Xander admitted, finally getting up from the stairs and pulling himself back together. "I mean, I might be tempted to do something stupid and try to bring her back to life – only she wouldn't really be my Cordy anymore, would she?"

"HUH? You can actually do that sort of shit? I thought Red was the Sabrina around here," Faith asked in confusion.

"I couldn't before, but I can now. Last night – I turned into my Halloween costume," Xander admitted, arousing the Slayer's suspicions. "Only I didn't turn into Giles – I turned into someone else. A bad guy living in Los Angeles, who lost his coat recently."

"What's his name?"

Xander turned away, fighting just to say the name out loud. He knew that he had to, but he really didn't want to say it. It was a name he wanted to forget, with all his heart and soul.

"Magnus Hainsley."

***

**1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale, California**

**November 26****th****, 1998**

"What the hell is going on, Xander?" Buffy Summers demanded of Harris in her most authoritative voice. "How did you do what you did earlier on tonight?"

( _Good_ _thing her mom's not here for this, I guess. Betcha Mrs. S would wig out for sure after hearing THIS conversation._ ) Xander exchanged a glance with Faith, who simply shrugged; which meant that he was strictly on his own.

"How's Willow, have you heard?" Harris then asked.

"She's fine – she's still pretty terrified after Spike kidnapped her like that, but Oz said on the phone that, uh, physically at least, she's okay," Buffy frowned. "Now answer the damn question – how did you make all those vampires freeze up on the street like that? It was totally freak-worthy – well, it would have been if I hadn't been too busy staking everything with a bumpy forehead in sight. Now spill!"

"May as well, X," Faith shrugged again. "I told ya it'd come to this eventually."

"You knew?" Angel asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, she knew," Xander finally admitted. He was in a bit of state of flux right now, even if Spike hadn't smashed him over the head recently; mostly because Harris had left that science lab a lot earlier than he otherwise would have, after telling Willow it was all over between them. "I told her, nearly a month ago."

"And you didn't tell me you could do – whatever it is you can do, why?" Buffy demanded angrily.

"Because I knew you wouldn't trust me anymore, once you found out that I'm a necromancer now," Harris said simply.

Angel moved back at once, something Buffy did not fail to notice. "What's a necro-whatever?"

"Someone with total power over the dead," Angel said thickly. "Including vampires. A necromancer can force someone like me to do anything at all, even against my will – Xander could make me stake myself at any time, and there'd be nothing I could do to stop him..."

"Yo, Fang! Everyone knows X wouldn't do something like that," Faith said in exasperation, as Buffy's eyes went wide. "It's been two years, right? You're an established white hat and all, remember?"

"How did you become this necro-monger thingy?" Buffy demanded, her eyes just as flinty as Xander had known they would be. "Willow's the magic girl around here!"

Xander audibly sighed. "It was Halloween, Buff. I got turned into my costume like just about everyone else, and well, you know my record with magic." He was referring to events such as the hyena possession, and the Valentine's Day love spell. "Some of it must have stuck, even after the chaos spell was over."

"Well, then we'll just tell Giles when he comes back from Breaker's Woods, and he'll get rid of it somehow," Buffy decided instantly.

"Why?" Faith demanded at once. "In case you ain't noticed, X has got a handy-dandy little talent there. Comes in real useful when he patrols with me, I gotta tell you. The bloodsuckers don't even put up a fight when I stake 'em!"

"Xander, you've been patrolling with Faith? What are you, out of your mind? You could get hurt or killed!" Buffy yelled without thinking.

Xander said nothing, just staring at the blonde Slayer. So did Faith and Angel. The uncomfortable silence was finally broken when Buffy said uncertainly, "Well, you know what I mean..."

"No, I don't think I do. You saying that I'm incompetent? Or that the only person Xander's allowed to patrol with is you?" Faith asked challengingly.

"NO! It's just that it's Xander, and-and I worry..." Buffy replied in that same uncertain tone of voice.

"You worried that he's gonna die?" Miss Lehane asked darkly. "No, I'd say it's something more along the lines that he'll make your boy toy kill himself. 'Cause after this particular conversation, I gotta take back what I said before. You really are concerned that Fang's gonna fit into a Dust Buster soon, on account of you simply don't trust X with that kind of power over his undead ass," Faith stated harshly.

"No, that's not true!" Buffy said desperately. "I DO trust Xander, it's just..."

"Who possessed you during Halloween?" Angel asked after she trailed off. "What was his name?"

Xander looked ill for a few moments. "Magnus Hainsley."

"Who's that?" Buffy asked, once she had seen his expression.

"A black hat in LA. Rich with old money, and even older mojo," Harris replied despondently. "I can remember his entire life as if I'd lived it myself, and believe you me, I wish I didn't. Hainsley owns a big block of shares in this evil law firm called Wolfram & Hart, and basically, he's connected everywhere. The entertainment industry, banking and finance, construction and engineering, and even politics – Senator Helen Brucker in LA, she's actually an evil demon hiding in a human body thanks to what Hainsley did," Harris shuddered. "I've been having nightmares about that over the past few weeks, I promise you."

"Okay, well, we'll have to take care of her somehow. But I still think that once Giles comes back-" Buffy started to say.

"No," Angel spoke up abruptly, much to Buffy's shock. "It's Xander's body, and it's his life, his choice. This isn't something that you can decide for him, Buffy."

"But I'm the Slayer!" Buffy said, almost unable to believe that her beloved had actually said that.

"Ah, excuse me B, but you're 'a' Slayer now. We're the Chosen Two here, remember?" Faith asked slowly. "Seems to me you tend to forget that, whenever it suits you."

"No I don't," Buffy said in a freezing cold tone of voice.

"Yeah, well, I think I should be going now," Xander said, heading for the door. He knew his blonde friend well enough when to accurately predict the upcoming arrival of Hurricane Buffy. "Faith, you coming?"

"Right behind you," Miss Lehane said with a smirk, as she followed him out. "I'll see you and Jeeves in the library on Monday, B."

"God, she gets me so annoyed sometimes!" Miss Summers growled to her boyfriend, throwing her arms up into the air. "I really ought to start calling her 'F' again!"

***

**Blessed Memories Cemetery, Sunnydale, California**

**February 1****st****, 1999**

As Xander heard Jack O'Toole chanting in the cemetery and a pair of hands burst out of the grave at their feet, he didn't wonder how it was that his life had turned out like this. Mostly because Harris was too busy watching his date for the evening, Lysette Torchio, run away screaming at the top of her lungs.

It had been a long time now since Halloween and Spike's subsequent brief return to the Hellmouth. A lot had changed, not the least of which had been the complicated relationships between all the members of the Scooby Gang. Well, it wasn't like their lives had been normal before, but these days, it was almost as if abnormality was the definition of normality around here.

Buffy didn't actually come out and say it, but it was obvious that she HATED the fact that her Xander-shaped friend held the power of life or death over the vampire she loved. Most likely, that was why Miss Summers had done her best to keep Harris away from Angel at all times, and why she'd also tried to convince Giles into doing some sort of magical rite to strip Xander of his power, despite her Watcher's pleas to just leave him alone.

Willow had been shocked to learn what Xander was capable of now, and equally shocked at Buffy's reaction to the news. The young woman had moved past her own obsession with Xander these days, because she and Oz had been sleeping together ever since Christmas last year – and so Miss Rosenberg was able to analyse the situation clearly and logically.

She knew that a) Xander had admitted that he loved Buffy at the end of sophomore year; b) Buffy had admitted she didn't feel the same way about him at the time; and c) nowadays, both of them were bull-headed enough to do something stupid in order to get their own way, if push ever came to shove. Put it all together, and Willow figured it would have been best if her former crush had simply kept his mouth shut all those years ago.

But be that as it may, Angel and Faith hadn't wanted to take sides or provoke anybody and so had done their best to stay out of it. A very wise decision, too, all things considered.

As for Xander, oddly enough he just wished that Cordelia was still around. Not as a girlfriend – he had pretty much moved on from those feelings by now – but because her blunt and tactless advice would have been most welcome. No matter what else you could say about her, Miss Chase had never been one to shirk away from facing the cold harsh truth of any situation, and likewise, she'd never been afraid to speak her mind about any subject that concerned her.

"Bob, you big hideous corpse – come here!" Jack said, bring Xander back to reality as the zombie finished rising up out of the grave right in front of him.

"Dude! You raised me!" Bob started laughing with delight, as he swung his best friend around. "Yes! Big Bob is back!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Xander spoke up, drawing the attention of Jack and Bob. "Jack, THIS is your idea of 'getting the boys'?"

"Yeah, what of it?" O'Toole scowled. "You got a problem with dead people, Harris?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Xander shot back. "Especially since most of them that I know are vampires, and go around killing innocent people!"

"Who the hell is this twerp?" the Bob zombie demanded, staring at O'Toole in annoyance and confusion.

"He WAS our wheel man for tonight," Jack scowled again, before he brought out his knife called Katie. "But now he's just roadkill!"

Just as Jack lunged, Xander gestured at Bob. Unable to resist a necromancer, who, as has been said, had absolute power over the lifeless, the zombie grabbed Jack's wrist and then, very much against his will, Bob firmly restrained O'Toole from moving.

"What the fu-!" Bob cried out. "What's happening to me?"

"It's him, he's doing this somehow," Jack snarled, having seen the gesture Xander had made. "Harris, I swear I'm gonna carve you up and serve you with gravy for this! First the eyes, then the tongue. Then I'm gonna break every one of your fingers! And after that-"

"Jack, will you just shut up?!" Xander demanded hotly, almost unable to believe the sociopathic bully was making such threats in his current position. But then, after O'Toole simply closed his mouth with a snap, Xander's suspicions grew. "Hey, what's going on? Why'd you do that?" Silence. "Answer me!"

"I...have...to...obey...you," Jack gritted out, teeth gnashing as Bob continued to hold him prisoner.

"What? But you're not a vampire or a zombie..." At that moment, Xander finally seemed to get it. "Or are you?"

With another gesture, he forced Jack to lift up his shirt, and there it was – a series of bullet holes from a drive-by shooting three weeks ago. "Well, well. Look who's a member of the deadite squad!"

"Dude, how are you doing this?" Bob asked Harris in confusion, sick and tired of being manipulated like a puppet on a string.

Xander shrugged as he let both zombies go. "I'm a necromancer."

Bob's rotting eyes went wide as he stared at O'Toole. "Buddy, you chose someone like that as a wheel man? What are you, retarded?"

"Hey, you take that back right now! Or else I'll put you exactly where I just took you out of!" Jack said angrily, holding up the chicken foot talisman he'd used for carrying out the raising ritual.

Not thinking clearly, Bob tried to grab the chicken foot for himself. But O'Toole wasn't about to stand for that, and so a fight broke out. The two dead boys began punching each other, with the occasional kick to the groin thrown in as well. It wasn't too nasty at first, but then the fight started to get a lot more vicious, as the two dead things abandoned any pretence of friendship.

Xander thought about stopping it, but in the end, decided to simply let his companions have their fun...

...when, of all the rotten luck, the chicken foot got trampled by the wrestling zombies. With the talisman destroyed and their source of supernatural animation gone, both men simply dropped to the ground as the lifeless corpses they really were.

"Jack? Bob?" Xander utterly failed to get any sort of response. The powers of a necromancer didn't include making the dead speak of their own free will.

"Huh. Well, that was kinda anti-climatic..."

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**February 2****nd****, 1999**

Xander walked up behind his friends, listening to them chat amongst themselves. Last night, Buffy, Willow, Faith, Giles and Angel had managed to prevent the end of the world when the Hellmouth had been opened by the Sisterhood of Jhe, an apocalyptic female demon cult.

As a result of the battle, Buffy's arm was in a sling, and Giles had some nasty scratches across his left cheek, ear and neck. Willow and Oz looked okay physically, but the witch and the werewolf were both deeply affected by the fight they had witnessed.

"...the world continues to turn," Giles finished up whatever he'd been saying.

"And no one will ever know how close it came to stopping. Never know what we did," Willow nodded.

Xander chuckled silently. ( _If only they knew..._ )

He had come to the school last night after simply leaving the zombies behind in the cemetery, only to find himself in the middle of a war zone; and if he hadn't been there while the others were busy battling the Hellmouth demon, most likely the Sisterhood of Jhe and the werewolf version of Oz would have crashed the party and brought about Armageddon.

( _Yeah, I'd say last night was a good lesson in humility. I may have my own thing, my own power now, but there are still LOTS of demons and monsters that can hack me into little pieces!_ ) Xander thought to himself. ( _Low profile, definitely the way to go. For now, anyway._ )

"Xander!" Harris stopped at the sound of Buffy's voice, as she managed to catch up with him. "I saw you just now, you just walked past everybody – why didn't you stop to talk to us?"

"Got some things on my mind, Buff," Xander said noncommittally. He gestured off to the side, "Need to talk to Faith about something too."

Miss Summers saw the junior Slayer approaching and nodded. "Well, when you're done with her, I'd like to talk to you as well. See, last night, some things happened..."

"Yeah, I heard Angel talking about the upcoming apocalypse at the Bronze last night. Glad to see you guys handled it okay," Xander told her truthfully.

"It got kinda crazy, I'll admit," Buffy said. "But when Angel was down and out like that, and the Hellmouth demon almost tore him apart – at that moment I realized that if only you'd been there, you could have gotten him to safety just by waving your fingers the way you do." Buffy took in a deep breath and released it, slowly. "The man I love could have ended up dust, and if he had – I, I'd have never been able to forgive myself for insisting that you not be there last night."

"Hey. Whassup?" Faith said in her deliciously throaty Boston accent, intrigued by the sight of Buffy and Xander actually having a conversation.

"Just, just me – finally realizing that I was wrong and Angel was right, that I should trust my one of my best friends no matter how different I wish things were with him," Buffy said bluntly, before she smiled and left.

"Well, that was kinda unexpected," Xander said musingly. Then he said to Faith, "I hear congratulations are in order. You saved the world, right?"

"Guess so," Faith shrugged, smirking. "Helped do it, anyway. So, what did you get up to last night?"

"Would you believe nothing but enjoy the quiet life?" Xander asked her with a grin, deciding to keep quiet about Oz almost mauling him to death and the Sisterhood chasing him throughout the school.

Let his friends have their day in the sun, they deserved it.

Faith suddenly squinted at him suspiciously. She had the distinct impression that this guy knew something that she didn't, something amusing too from the look on his face. She said, "What? Quiet? You?"

"I like the quiet," Xander still had the damned annoying grin on his face.

"Since when?"

Xander stuck his arm out, and Faith permitted him to escort her over to the rest of the Scooby Gang at the nearby table. It was an old-fashioned gesture, and it was also evidence that not everything he'd picked up from Magnus Hainsley was of the bad variety.

As the countdown to Graduation began Harris said to the Slayer, "Always, Faith. Always."

***

Next: Story 31 - Alpha And Omega


	31. Alpha And Omega

**Date written**: Sat 31 Oct 2009

**Author**: Starway Man

**E-mail**: theop at hotkey dot net dot au

**Disclaimer**: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, Fox, WB and UPN; I don't own 'em, and I never will. I also do not own any other characters from any television shows, movies, comics, videogames or literature that I might use. This work is meant merely for enjoyment, and no profit is being made off of it. Some of the text is from various TV episodes or movies or comics or videogames or literature, and so does not belong to me of course.

**Rating:** Overall R, with mostly PG-13 parts.

**Symbols: **" " denotes speech, ( _italics _) specifies thoughts, and # # indicates phone voice.

**Main characters**: Xander, ensemble

**Warnings**: There is some violence, bad language, character death and mention of sexual situations in these stories.

**Author Notes:** A couple of years ago Night Hunter MGS (a.k.a. Matt) wrote an awesome series of stories called "31 Days of Xanderween" (http://www .fanfiction .net/s/3813208/1/31_Days_of_Xanderween), where he published one Halloween fic for each day of October. I was inspired enough to want to do my own version of the concept, and he has graciously allowed me to use his idea for this series of fanfic stories.

**Author Notes 2:** Well, here it is, folks; the end of the line. Happy Halloween to everyone out there! It's been a fun ride, but I swear, I am NEVER doing anything like this again. Anyone who tries it, you'll see for yourselves why! Totally pooped here as I'm writing this, I kid you not. Anyhow, I hope you've enjoyed these YAHF stories, and thanks for all the feedback and support over the past month!

**Acknowledgments**: My thanks of course to Matt for allowing me to dabble with his original idea this way. Also, my deepest gratitude to all my beta readers – Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip – for all their help in getting these stories finished on time!

**Classification**: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Romance, YAHF

**Summary**: Thirty-one versions of Halloween, Xander-style. Fic-a-day series.

**Title**:31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux

***

Story 31: Alpha And Omega

**Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale, California**

**October 31****st****, 1997**

It was a scene almost straight out of the movie 'Pleasantville', to be honest: children trick o' treating during All Hallows' Eve, enjoying themselves and just having a bit of fun for the evening.

Even though this was Sunnydale, the town completely infested with demons and vampires, the monsters had taken the night off tonight the way they did every year. And so, everyone was able to enjoy this very popular holiday whose roots lay in frightening away evil spirits.

Well, almost everyone.

"Where's your costume?" one very belligerent little boy asked the young man called Alexander 'Xander' Harris, who was wearing what appeared to be ordinary street clothes. "What are you supposed to be dressed up as?"

"Look, kid, if I show you – will you promise to just concentrate on sleazing all the candy you possibly can tonight?" Xander asked, trying to keep ahold of his temper.

"Okay," the child nodded, that sounded like a good deal to him.

( _Here we go,_ ) Xander thought to himself wearily. He was getting rather tired of explaining who he'd dressed up as, and for a moment he wondered whether listening to the idea of his new friend Oz yesterday had truly been the right course of action.

Still, it was too late to wonder about that now. Xander opened up his jacket and showed a nametag label stuck onto his Hawaiian shirt, the ultimate two-dollar costume bought at Ethan's Costume Shop yesterday.

"That's cheating," the little boy said in disappointment, as Xander closed his jacket.

( _First Snyder, now this little brat. Man, next year I'm really gonna have to go with something different! _) the young man thought to himself. Then he pulled himself together, after all – it was Halloween, and Harris had a job to do this evening.

"Maybe, kid, but a deal's a deal. So you gotta concentrate on the trick o' treating from now on, okay?" Xander asked.

"Fine," the little boy huffed indignantly, before he ran to catch up with his friends.

( _Finally,_ ) Xander thought to himself, as he escorted the children to the next house. ( _Maybe now I can get some peace and quiet around here..._ )

A few minutes later, as the group began to head back for Sunnydale High, a cold wind started to blow down the street. The air itself began to start crackling with invisible magical energy, and as the chaos mage named Ethan Rayne completed his spell in his costume shop, a number of things happened.

One, Ethan died at once from attempting to turn Xander into his costume.

Two, the Roman god named Janus empowered the spell as his high priest had supplicated for him to do, before he, too, died screaming from the mystical backlash over what he'd done.

Three, the physical body of Xander Harris exploded outwards into a million pieces before quite a number of different things and people appeared in quick succession.

A huge burning bush.

A white-haired old man with a cigar, resembling George Burns.

A woman in a long flowing dress, who looked like Alanis Morrisette.

An African-American gentleman in a white suit, who appeared to be a dead ringer for Morgan Freeman.

Then there was a huge explosion of light that blanketed the entire town, and the entire world changed.

***

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**November 1****st****, 1997**

"What the heck happened last night?" Buffy Summers wanted to know, as she and her friend Willow Rosenberg stood around whilst her Watcher, Rupert Giles, was on the phone speaking to someone in England. "I mean, I was walking around in my noblewoman outfit, when all of a sudden it's like night turned into day! Do you have any ideas, Will?"

"Nope, not me," Willow shrugged helplessly. Then she looked around, "Hey, where's Xander? Have you seen him this morning?"

"Uh-uh," Buffy shook her head. "I haven't seen him ever since yesterday, when he was being yelled at by Snyder. Oh, I was meaning to ask – who was that guy Xander was talking with, y'know, before we all left the school?"

"You mean Oz? Uh, he's a senior, and he's in a band," Willow nodded. "I don't know all that much about him, except Cordelia's currently dating his best friend, Devon."

"Speak of the devil..." Buffy muttered, as Cordelia Chase came storming into the library. "Cordelia, what a surprise to see you here on a Saturday..."

"Was that an attempt at sarcasm? Oh, spare me. Buffy, you couldn't even come close to competing with me for the title of 'bitch of the year'," Miss Chase said scornfully. "Now where in the hell is that dweeb Xander?"

"Why do you ask?" Willow demanded, her hackles instantly rising.

Before Cordelia could explain Giles came out of his office, looking grim. "Buffy, Willow, Cordelia. I-I'm glad you're here – there have been quite a number of...developments, I guess you could say, ever since last night."

"Like what?" the blonde Slayer demanded.

"Every single scroll of prophecy the Watchers possessed has crumbled into dust. Uh, e-every seer they know of is currently completely devoid of precognitive ability too. Even, even a-a number of prescient demons imprisoned within the Council's dungeons have started screaming about how they've gone completely blind," Giles supplied.

"About the, um, the only good news is that the Council's enemies have been similarly afflicted," he added after a moment's consideration. "Even that evil law firm Wolfram & Hart, for example, i-it's effectively been cut off from its greatest weapon. I-I-I'd say that behind closed doors, there is great chaos erupting just about everywhere in the world."

"So what does that mean for us?" Willow asked in confusion.

"It, uh, means that we're on our own," Giles said with a sigh, as he sat down at the table and everyone joined him. "It also means that both sides a-a-are effectively fighting in the dark – the battle between Good and Evil is, is now on an entirely different playing field.

"And, well, God only knows what the end result will be."

***

**A place completely outside of space and time**

_Giles doesn't know that I'm currently watching him and all my friends, and he can't hear me as I start chuckling over his last comment. And even if he could, there'd be nothing he could do about it. No doubt that he and they will look for me for a while, but soon enough, the search will be abandoned in the face of more pressing matters, and the Scooby Gang's lives will continue on without me._

_I know that, because I know everything now. _

_I see everything, and in a way, I AM everything. _

_All the different possibilities, all the paths not taken, all the different forks in the road. _

_I've also learned that when one is omniscient, one must take care not to unduly influence lesser beings, but that doesn't mean completely abandoning the people I love._

_Still, even as I watch Giles, Buffy, Willow and Cordy talking in the library, my eyes and ears take in images and sounds from other times and places. _

_I see the Colonial Marine standing tall and proud, leading his squad to victories against their enemies, both present and future._

_I see the sailor leaving on a ship to sail around the world as a 'road trip', his red-haired girlfriend deciding to postpone her own plans for college to go with him._

_I see the faithful drone attending to his Queen as the stars themselves scream in despair, and life is stultified everywhere in that universe._

_I see the libertine taking liberties with a number of women, and learning just how fast female teenagers can make him run._

_I follow the traveller's path as he slides his way in and out of the various realities, lost and trying to find a way home as he and his wife travel around the infinity of a multi-dimensional universe._

_I see the former alien, struggling to survive in a world where humanity has ceased destroying its own planet with its unsustainable habits._

_I watch the mind-controlled slave doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons, trapped and awaiting the day of release from his bondage._

_I follow the Jedi Knight and his Padawan, as they travel far and wide to find others like them, in order to establish an Order that would totally violate copyright law._

_I see the cyborg living in the mountains, communing with nature before encountering those with abilities not unlike his own; and his finally brokering peace between two different branches of sapient life._

_I see the doctor and his blonde Slayer, the first woman he ever truly loved, living and loving and fighting and dying together._

_I watch as the time-traveller, forewarned of all that is to come, creates a new world despite all the attempts of the lower beings to stop him._

_I see the former space commander and his mate, her face upturned in an expression of utter joy as she finally gets everything she ever wanted._

_I monitor the one-eyed criminal, as he marries the younger woman with an ancient crush in a country far below the equator._

_I see the porn company executive spreading his seed amongst all those women, before some faulty protection drops him head-first into the realm of fatherhood._

_I see the former priest and his friends mourning the loss of two of their own in a graveyard, as a former Slayer tries to deal with the enormity of what she had to do in order to save the world._

_I watch the football player excel at his chosen profession, never knowing that he inhabits a body not his own; until the time finally comes when his soul will remember all its past lives._

_I examine the wizard who can almost see everything like I can, guiding his friends in their never-ending battles with his foresight as the First Evil glares furiously at him._

_I observe the immortal genie enjoying a lifetime of freedom with a Watcher, a Slayer and his would-have-been girlfriend, before returning to his lamp to await the three wishes of his next master._

_I see the policeman upholding his vow to serve and protect, becoming a detective at record speed despite his youth and wrong place in time._

_I watch the latest scion of a family of adventurers, his veins filled with blood deadly to any vampire, walk the earth with a brunette Slayer at his side._

_I see the former nobleman guarding an infant's life with his own, finding new friends and a new purpose to replace the ones from before._

_I follow the ordinary man, the construction worker who once dressed up as a cat, as he abandons his home after the death of his beloved and forges a new path in another part of the country._

_I see the spirit medium whispering to the ghosts and lost souls he alone can perceive, even as the ones he left behind mourn over his loss._

_I see the musician and former cavalry officer develop his new talent, joining a band containing a werewolf and travelling around the country after high school, to enjoy fame and fortune and quite a number of groupies._

_I listen to the part-demon empath, as he and his new bride continually scream at each other after a drunken night both would gladly prefer had never happened._

_I watch the comic superhero live out his fondest childhood fantasies, before fathering a new race of physically superior beings in that universe._

_I see the half-insane killer, the solitary man launching a crusade in the name of those who would simply use him as a tool, something to be utilised and discarded as they see fit._

_I scrutinize the haunted torture victim, with a unique perspective on both the opposite sex and the undead things he despises, drifting aimlessly until he's forced to help save the world._

_I see the thief and former con man working as a detective alongside his comrades, and often enjoying a long hot shower with the woman who shares his bed._

_And I watch the necromancer as he fights alongside the Slayers and saves countless lives during his high school graduation ceremony, a wild card that Richard Wilkins was never even remotely expecting to encounter._

_I observe all these things and more, my mind memorizing and categorizing them. For beyond any and all doubt, I am now the one who truly sees everything, as that fallen priest said during one battle I really prefer not to think about._

_I am Xander Harris, the Alpha and the Omega, my own beginning and my own end. _

_Forever and always I shall be here, watching over all those who I love. _

_And in the end, isn't that the only thing that anybody can truly do to the best of their ability?_

Finis

(...or, is it?)


	32. 31 Days Of Xanderween Part Deux

**31 Days of Xanderween Part Deux**

**Conclusion**

Hey, everyone, welcome to the last part of the series; it's not a story, but rather my version of Matt's Xanderween Compendium, Challenge, and Conclusion. I just wanted to say that I'm extremely grateful to all of you who have stayed with me throughout this "somewhat hectic" month, as Matt so eloquently put it way back when. And before anything else is said or done, I'd like to thank all of my beta readers Francis Eugene, Greywizard, American Soldier and Nodakskip. Without you, these stories most likely wouldn't have been completed on time or if so, not even half as good as they eventually ended up being. Thank you as well to everyone for reading and taking the time to review or send feedback, I really do want to thank each and every one of you for it:

Memory King, Tula, Salamander Hanzo, Bobboky, Isaac A. Drake, eternalfox92680, zeo knight, Matt, Quathis, Ant Crown, nomad62, Blackdex, Wrath Shadow, Deviate Fish, thsunami, aznblackhowling, Grave Wolf, Jason Barnett, lordofreviews, The Doctor, one-village-idiot, jarethleonine, Striker1346, RobClark, Kruen, Firehedgehog, granite69, Chaos Mancer, Selias, and anyone else I've missed.

**List of Xander's Costumes**

Just Another Bug Hunt – Dwayne Hicks (Aliens movie)

Ship Ahoy – Admiral Horatio Nelson (Historical figure)

Greater Than The Sum – Locutus of the Borg (Star Trek TV/movie)

Be Careful What You Wish For – Don Juan (poem literature)

Xliders – Quinn Mallory (Sliders TV show)

Out Of This World – Klaatu (The Day The Earth Stood Still novel/movie)

The Xanchurian Candidate – Ray Shaw (The Manchurian Candidate novel/movie)

May The Force Be With You – Yoda (Star Wars movies)

Cyborg – Steve Austin (The Six Million Dollar Man TV/movies)

Is There A Doctor In The House? – Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce (MASH TV/movie)

Voyager! – Phineas Bogg (Voyagers! TV show)

Space Command – Jim Raynor (Starcraft videogame)

Tinamou – Declan Mulqueen (The Jackal movie)

Let's Talk About Sex – Alexander Hefner (fictional grandson of Hugh Hefner)

Walk Like An Egyptian – Khul (BtVS season 5 historical character)

Hello Mr. Jordan – Joe Pendleton (Heaven Can Wait movie)

The Wizard Behind The Curtain – Melchior (The Return of Merlin book)

I Dream Of Genie – Aladdin's Genie (Aladdin movies/cartoons)

The Last Action Xander – Jack Slater (Last Action Hero movie)

Keeping Up With The Joneses – Mutt Williams (Indiana Jones movies)

Nobleman: Halloween costume switch #1 – Angel's father (AtS character)

Cat: Halloween costume switch #2 – Himself in a Partytown cat suit (The Cat In The Hat books)

Ghost: Halloween costume switch #3 – Ghost of Xander Harris (Various ghost movies)

Yankee Horse Soldier – General John Buford (Historical figure)

Aspect Of The Demon – Lorne (AtS character)

Great Rao! – Jor-El (Superman movies/TV/comics)

Avenging Angel – Azrael (DC comics)

How The Other Half Lives – Cordelia Chase (BtVS character)

Steele In Control – Remington Steele (Remington Steele TV show)

Necromantic Twist – Magnus Hainsley (AtS character)

Alpha And Omega – God-like entity (historical references and various movies)

**Closing Statement**

I hope that I've served to entertain and in some cases inspire you with this story series. If anyone wants to write a sequel to any particular story they've read and liked, feel free to do so. After the past month or so, I'll be taking a break from the writing business for a while!

Thank you for reading, and signing off for now.

-Starway Man a.k.a. Theo

**The End**


End file.
